A/N: Hi there my lovely readers, who I love... :) I'd like to start by saying thanks once again for the reviews, you guys are the best!

Now with this chapter, I'm pretty happy with how it came out. I'm sort of taking it in a direction that I don't know if it's the right choice or not.. I won't give anything away but yeah I was writing and it kind of took this turn... So I apologise in advance if people aren't happy about it. I try to please you guys as much as possible so if you're all reviewing being like "Don't do that! That's a terrible plot twist!" Then I won't keep going with it :P Haha. Maybe I should just shut up and let you read..

But just quickly, right at the end I've got some song lyrics in italics from a song I'm super digging at the moment, it's called "Cut" by Plumb. You should listen to it, it's really the heart and soul behind this chapter :P

And one more thing! Bit of Logan insight in this chapter :) Then back to good old Kdizzle. I'm intentionally staying away from James at the moment, but don't you worry - he will be back!

Anyway, read now! :D And I love you. x

Chapter 8 - Cut.

Logan P.O.V - Third Person.

"Are you coming to bed darling?"

"Just a minute Jen" Dr Logan Mitchell smiled at his wife before turning back around on his desk to stare at his computer screen once more.

It was a bright shining photo of him with his step son and daughter, Katie and Kendall Knight. He wouldn't cry at the photo again, he just wouldn't, he has shed too many tears over them these past few months. Sometimes it feels like only yesterday Kendall packed up his whole life in Minnesota and moved out to new York to live with his father, but then more times than not it feels like forever, not a mere 6 months. However these 6 months had proved to be hard on everyone in the Knight-Mitchell family, especially Logan. His emotions varied from day to day on how he feels about the whole situation. Sometimes he's purely sad, missing his step son like any normal father would, but at other times he is furious; furious with James Diamond. Kendall had said barely a word through the whole ordeal, but Logan just knew; He knew James was the reason. Logan was furious because he trusted James with Kendall's heart, especially after that talk they had on the couch only the day before Kendall had turned away from life. Logan just couldn't believe James would break Kendall's heart, not after he had clutched onto Logan's shirt with tear stained cheeks, words almost incoherent as he confessed how much he loved Kendall and would do anything for his forgiveness.

Logan thought they were finally at peace and Kendall had given James the forgiveness he so desperately craved. That night the two had barely left Kendall's bedroom, only emerging for food, water and to let Logan and Jen know James would be say the night, a fact to which Logan merely smiled; happy his son was happy. But what happened then? That's what Logan couldn't figure out. James seemed to be done with the games, with the lies and with the hiding, what had changed in less than 24 hours? Kendall hadn't revealed any information as to what had happened, in fact Logan actually worried Kendall had become catatonic. He wouldn't leave his room, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep and he barely spoke one word. At first he cried, but eventually it got to the point where he was just... empty. It absolutely broke Logan's heart and sent Kendall's mother into a nervous wreck. Jen didn't know what was wrong and it killed her to see her son in such pain and there was nothing she could say or do. Logan knew though, he didn't need Kendall to tell him it was James.

Logan had tried to get into contact with James, on many occasions. At first it was straight away, demanding explanation and if anything at least trying to get James to talk to Kendall before he left for New York. But there was only so much Logan could do, James didn't want to be contacted. He even tried to us James' broken rib as an excuse, but his mother Brooke Diamond had contacted the surgery, asking for James' x-rays to be forwarded onto a different doctor.

When Logan and Jen took Kendall to the airport Logan was secretly hoping, silently praying, that James would appear, like some kind of knight in shining armour, to sweep Kendall off his feet and bring him home where he belongs; but he never came.

With one tiny tear silently falling down his cheek Logan sighs and turns off his computer for the night, Kendall's once smiling, happy face saying goodnight.

Logan just wishes Kendall is happier in New York and he is moving on from the pain James has caused... but he's not hopeful that this is the reality.

Kendall P.O.V

"Kendall! Wake up! Please big brother!"

My eyes flew open to reveal my sister Katie, shaking my shoulders as hard as she could with face full of concern and sadness. For a second I was confused, why was she here? Wasn't I just with James? The last thing I remembered was his cold, hard face standing over me, his fists red from the blood of my cheeks and nose where he had placed so many punches.

"I hate you" He had growled, kicking me in the side of my stomach whilst I whimpered. "I never loved you."

"Kendall it was just a dream" Katie stressed, throwing her arms around my body and trying to calm me down.

"A dream, a dream, a dream" I muttered, letting her hug me as I bowed my head and started to rock back and forth. A dream... but it felt so real. The look in his eyes when he said "I never loved you"... It was real.

Surely this is the wrong way round, shouldn't the 16 year old big brother be comforting his 10 year old sister from nightmares?

"It's James isn't it?" She whispered into my shoulder and I merely nodded through silent tears.

I hadn't exactly told her the complete intimate details of why I moved to New York or who James really was, but she gathered enough pieces of the puzzle to form a picture.

"I wish you would just forget about him." She sighed.

"I can't Katie" I sobbed.

"Kendall, I don't really know who James is, or what he did to you, but he's not worth it."

She was right, he wasn't worth it, he wasn't worth a single damn tear but I couldn't help it. Every time I felt my heart slowly beginning to mend something would remind me of him. Talking to anyone from home... watching hockey... seeing someone in a high school varsity jacket... even when I saw an ad on TV for that Cuda Man spray he smelled like... he was everywhere I looked.

"Mum and Logan called whilst you were still asleep; I said you'd call them back..." She said hesitantly after she guessed I had calmed down slightly.

"Ok" I sighed as she got up to leave. "And Katie, thanks."

"No worries big bro... please get better soon." She said with a sad smile before leaving the room.

With a slight groan I rolled out of bed and walked over to the window of my room, opening the curtains to reveal a very bright, busy Saturday morning in Manhattan below me. Living with my Dad in New York was very different from living in Minnesota; for one thing it was a lot bigger; easier to go un-noticed...

I missed Minnesota, a lot. I missed my Mum, I missed Logan, I missed Carlos and my friends, I missed being captain of the team, I missed the snow on the sidewalk, I missed how slow everything moved; everyone in New York was in such a rush. And most importantly, I missed... him.

"No" I groaned, turning from my window and walking to the bathroom that connected to my room.

As I stared into the mirror I hated what I saw. Sad... lonely... depressed... empty... nothing. James had turned me into a shadow of my former self. I thought moving to New York would help me, make me forget him and move on – but I think in a way it made things worse... I was running away. I had admitted defeat so easily, unable to face life any longer, and I hated being a coward.

6 months... It had been 6 months since I had last seen him but it was still so raw. Why did I have to give him my heart? When deep down I knew from the beginning he was just going to crush it. That's always been my problem, I barely knew him and yet I was so willing to give him everything I was; I fell under his spell. It made me so angry, I wish I hadn't had fallen for him so hard in such a short amount of time.

It was my entire fault, why can't I do anything right? This was too much, too hard.

I felt myself crumble to the bathroom floor, clutching my chest tightly to my knees; too tight. I began to feel that crushing pain I'd become so used to, that inability to breath.

"Please please please" I moaned. "Please let it stop."

I knew I was begging to no one, but maybe someone would hear me. I needed to regain control before I completely lost my mind. I released my chest and stared at my trembling hands. Those hands tentatively began to clutch the opposite wrists, and that's when the nails on those hands, like daggers in the night, pierced those writs, until dots of red began to trickle down onto the floor, like paint falling on a clear, white canvas. The deeper I dug the better I began to feel, the closer I felt to reality. When that reality became clearer I realised what I had done to myself.

I jumped up from the floor and frantically tried to clean up any evidence of what had just taken place.

"Hi Mum, how are you?" I asked over the phone as I collapsed on my bed and hoping my voice showed no sign of my previous insanity.

"Kendall! It's so good to hear your voice."

"It's been like a week Mum" I sighed.

"I know, I just miss you so much that's all."

"I know, and I miss you too."

"Then come home! Oh please come home Kendall."

I groaned slightly and let my head fall back against the headboard. My mother and I had this argument at least once a week; I don't know why she bothered.

"Please not this again Mum. I'm happy in New York."

"I wish you'd tell me why you left in the first place..."

"Mum!" I said, no longer trying to hide my displeasure as to where this conversation was heading.

"I'm sorry; I just love you, ok? Anyway, how's Peter?"

"Dad's fine. I think he's at work at the moment?"

"Typical" My mum scoffed over the phone.

She'd never approved of his heavy work load, criticising that it took too much time away from the important things in life, like his family. In fairness, he didn't work that much, not more than I was used to with my parents back home. I don't know exactly what it is he does specifically, all I know is he puts on a suit and tie and works in a large building, bosses a lot of people around and makes enough money to afford an apartment on Central Park West and I knew that he absolutely loved his job. When he had first moved away when I was 12 I thought he was a bastard for leaving and especially when Katie moved with him, I thought he would just forget about her and she would be left alone in his big apartment day in, day out – but I was wrong. Especially living here now too, I could see how much he loved both of us and really did try his best to be a good father.

"Anyway honey, I love you" I hadn't noticed her rambling. "I'll pass you on to Logan."

"Thanks Mum, I love you too."

"Hi Kendall" Said Logan on the phone line.

"Hi Logan" I smiled. I wanted to call him Dad, but it felt weird now that I was living with my real Dad...

"How are you?"

"I'm fine" I lied.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure" I sighed, looking down at my scratched writs and cringing slightly.

"You don't sound fine. You sound sadder than normal... if that's even possible."

"I've... I've been having nightmares."

"What sort of nightmares?"

"Where... where he says he doesn't love me and that he hates me... and last night he was beating me up..."

"Kendall" He said slowly, voice straining in pain. "Kendall I'm incredibly worried about you. I'm glad you're coming home for Thanksgiving in a few days."

Crap. I'd completely forgotten about Thanksgiving, it was going to be the first time I'd gone home since I left, and it terrified me. But I had to admit I was excited to see Carlos, I'd missed him. I hadn't really made any friends at the school I now went to in NYC, not that I couldn't, it was more a factor of not really being bothered in opening up to anyone; I just wanted to be alone.

"Yeah Thanksgiving... great." I muttered.

"It will be good for you to come home for a bit Kendall. I don't think New York is helping you."

"Being away from him is helping me."

"No, I don't think it is Kendall. I think you're never going to get over this until you make some sort of piece with him. I think if you just saw him once last time –"

"No!" I said suddenly, "I don't want to see him."

"Carlos came over to the house recently, just to catch up and –"

"You mean come over and gossip about me, but yes continue"

"Kendall..." He sighed before he continued. "He came over and he said he's watched James a bit at school, and the boy is just a wreck Kendall. To others he looks completely fine, but Carlos can see him when he thinks no one is watching, and apparently it's heartbreaking."

"I have to go Logan." I said quickly, feeling as if that crushing weight were returning to my chest.

"Kendall..."

"It was good talking to you"

"Kendall..."

"And I'll see you in a few days. Bye."

There was a noticeable pause and sigh before he spoke again, "Bye Kendall, I'll see you at the airport on Monday."

As I pressed end on the phone and flung it across my bed I couldn't help but start to feel slightly nauseous once more, and my chest beginning to heave and shudder, making breathing a taxing task.

He didn't miss me, he didn't love me. Carlos was wrong, he was lying. Why would James miss me?

I stared down at the mess that was my wrists, feeling guilty I had done something so horrible to myself. And yet... It made it feel better. It took away the pain of my heart if only for a second...

If only for a short second I can take that pain away from what he has done to me. In a second I can breath, I can think, my head and heart are clear and I am free.

I do not want to be afraid.
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in.
I'm tired of feeling so numb.
Relief exists I find it when... I am cut.

So... What do you think? Review?

Also, I'm sorry if these past few chapters have been a bit slow, we're only just getting to the good stuff! And I miss James :(