A/N: Wow this is a crazy chapter! It was written in so many different segments over the past few days, because even when I'm not home on my computer I can write on my phone, so last night for example I was just out at a pub with my friends and whilst they were chatting I was writing FanFic hahaha I'm so cool...

This chapter also wasn't meant to be so long, but there was just a lot I wanted to get out of the way in this and it turned into a mega chapter - but I really hope you like it! Also, same thing I said last chapter, or maybe the one before? I'm using a lot of dialogue and not going into the backgroup a lot, especially in this chapter when it's "No one's P.O.V" because a lot of the emotions and feelings behind the things being said I'm really building up for when a certain blonde and brunette are reunited once more... ;)

Anyway, please enjoy this next chapter! And I hope you're enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing it :)

Chapter 9 - Hello.

Carlos P.O.V

"I'm so excited to see Kendall!"

"I know Camille, me too, its awesome" I smiled at one of my best friends Camille Roberts from across the lunch table.

"Maybe once he gets here we can just persuade him to not go back" My other friend Jo Taylor joked, but a clear hint of truth behind her words.

"I wish" I sighed, looking down at my food and suddenly not being interested in anything the plate had to offer; not even corndogs... I must be sick or something.

I knew why I was feeling sick though, it was the fact I was going to see Kendall soon. I'm excited to see him, don't get me wrong, but I'm nervous. It's not that we left on bad terms; any argument we had been having was instantly forgotten and replaced with sadness and stress. I was so mad, mad at James because I just knew he was the reason. Kendall wouldn't talk to me, he completely closed himself off, but you didn't have to be a genius (something I certainly am not) to figure out what the situation was. I'm nervous because he always sounds so broken and so sad on the phone whenever we talk, and I'm worried seeing him will just be too much for me to handle. I don't like seeing anyone hurt, so especially when that someone is my best friend... I just don't know what I'll do or say to him.

"So when is Kendall coming exactly?" Camille asked.

"Logan and his Mum are picking him up from the airport this afternoon and-"

I was immediately cut off from my sentence by the sound of a large crash right behind me. I turned quickly to see the sound had been made by someone dropping their lunch tray, juice, fruit and fries scattered all over the floor and to see none other than James Diamond staring at me with pale faced horror.

"Dude, what the fuck!" His friend Jett Stetson whined, clearly horrified a spot of juice had gone on his shoes.

All the tables in a ten metre radius turned around to stare at the commotion, to which James quickly sat down on the seat next to me to try and avoid everyone's stares.

"Shit" He mumbled.

"Diamond, are you coming?" Jett asked, trying to tip toe around the mess.

"Yep just a second." He said, not turning to face Jett as he sulked away to their main lunch table.

"Hey, it's Carlos right?" James said, offering me a small smile.

I wanted to punch him in the face.

"Yes." I snapped, not wanting to give him any satisfaction.

"Hi James" Camille and Jo chorused with a smile. They weren't particularly fond of him after that whole Sarah, cafeteria episode with Kendall a few months ago, but they couldn't help but blush slightly because; he was James Diamond after all.

"I didn't spill anything on you did I?" James asked.

"No."

"Good. So um... did I hear you say Kendall was coming back this afternoon?" He asked, staring at me with big, sad, hazel eyes.

"Just for Thanksgiving." I muttered, picking at the fries on my tray.

"Oh..." He whispered. "Are you going to see him tonight?"

"Yes, why?"

"Can you um... can you tell him I say hello?"

"Are you serious?" I said, turning to glare at him. "Hello? You want me to say 'Hello'?"

"I don't... I don't..." He choked, bowing his head to conceal what I suspected were tears forming in his eyes. "Can you tell him... Can you... Don't worry about it" He said suddenly, rising from the seat and leaving without another word.

"Um, that was super weird?" Jo muttered, looking between me and Camille with confused eyes.

"I know right? What was with that?" Camille mused, looking over to where James now sat with his usual friends.

"Nothing. He's just an asshole that's all." I grumbled, shoving my tray away and placing my head in my hands.

Camille and Jo continued to chatter but I didn't join their conversation or respond to their questions. I was so furious. How dare he, how dare he break Kendall's heart and drive him half way across the country and then come sit down and ask me to pass on a message. Hello. He absolutely broke Kendall's heart and all he has to say is: hello? I knew from that very first moment James sat down at our table and introduced himself all those months ago that Kendall was obsessed with him. The way he looked up at James in worship and awe, hanging off his every word like it was gospel truth and then when he confessed to me what was going on it was clear he was completely head over heels, and the worst part was I couldn't make him see what a mistake he was making. That's Kendall's problem, he loves too much, devotes himself too much until he has left his soul bare; it's just heartbreak waiting to happen. I wish I had of told him what I thought sooner, not that there was much chance because they had just moved so fast. I think that was another problem, they had moved just way too fast. I think for James is was all just something new and exciting and he got swept up in Kendall's admiration but for Kendall it was different, he fell before he could catch himself. Kendall had told me they had sex that very first night, which is just crazy. Who has sex with someone they barely know? Well I guess a lot of people do, with one night stands and what not but that's not the point. Kendall knew who James was and James didn't know anything about him in return. I imagine for Kendall it was like if suddenly Jessica Alba came to the school and told me she loved me, despite not knowing her as a person there would be absolutely no hesitation in jumping straight into bed with her and giving her my heart, no questions asked. James was like a celebrity... and Kendall just got swept up in that. The worst part was Kendall was so sure James loved him in return. I have no doubt James had feelings for Kendall, but to what magnitude? Surely it couldn't be of the same level... But I do have to admit he looks fucking sad. Like you just want to give him a big hug, but then at the same time not because he's an asshole. After Kendall left for New York and I knew James had found out he had gone, James was like a ghost around school. Sure he still played hockey, won matches as a successful captain, laughed and cheered with his friends... but there was something missing. I don't think other people noticed, to them James probably looked fine, but because I knew what had happened I could just tell; James was a broken man. And yet I still refuse to believe he ever cared for Kendall too much, or at least as much as he should have.

As I stared over at James' table, lost in thought, I couldn't help but notice this slight hostility between James and his best friend Dak Zevon. It was weird that happened after Kendall's departure, Dak sort of just disappeared for a couple of weeks, and no one really knew what was going on. From what I heard on the gossip grapevine when people asked James where Dak had gone James acted as if he couldn't care less, Dak wasn't his concern. Eventually Dak reappeared, claimed it was some out of the blue family holiday to the Bahamas for two weeks that his parents whisked him away on, but I wasn't so convinced. He just seemed... different. It's hard to put my finger on, but it was clear something had happened between Dak and James, and from what I can tell they tolerate each other due to hockey and status quo, but aside from that they want nothing to do with each other. So I guess that makes Dak James' "ex" best friend... All I know is something happened with James and Kendall, and James and Dak that turned everyone involved upside down and I'm going to figure out what it is.

I watched the 5:00 news on TV impatiently, foot tapping and hand shaking, waiting for my phone to buzz and tell me Kendall was home and I could go over to his house. Any minute now... any minute now... Oh hey look baby pandas at the Minneapolis zoo on TV... any minute now.

*Beep*

Hey Carlos I'm home. Come over!

Yes! I jumped off the couch and practically ran out of the room.

"Dad! I'm going to Kendall's!" I yelled as I darted out the front door, not waiting to hear a reply.

Unfortunately I had to walk to Kendall's, not that it was too far so especially seeing as I was practically jogging it didn't take me too long.

I rang the door bell a few more times than was probably necessary as I bounded from foot to foot on the porch.

"Carlitos!" Katie Knight squealed as she opened the door, then jumping up into my arms.

"Katie!" I squealed in return, twirling her around a few times.

I loved Katie, she was like the rock of the Knight-Mitchell family and I missed her like crazy when she was away, she was like a little sister to me.

"How are you!" I asked as I set her down on her feet and walked with her inside the house.

"Good! It's great to have my big brother with me in New York."

"Yeah I can imagine" I said with a smile, although secretly wishing Kendall would move back here of course.

"But Carlos, wait." She said in a hushed tone, stopping me before we entered the living room. "I don't know what happened that caused Kendall to move, all I know is there is some James guy and I hate him, but Carlos, Kendall is so sad and sometimes I feel so helpless. So please, please help him?"

"I don't know what happened to him either Katie, but I promise you I will find out and I will help him."

"Thanks Carlos" she smiled "and just to warn you, he looks like really sad, just all the time, so yeah don't get shocked when you see him"

Despite her warning there seemed to be nothing that could have prepared me for what I saw. As I walked into the lounge room I saw Kendall sitting on the large leather couch, offering me a smile that didn't reach his dead, lifeless eyes. It took all the power I had not to go and find James Diamond right then and there and kill him, because as I looked at Kendall all I could think was "What the fuck did you do James?'

He almost looked worse than from when I last saw him in March... If that's even possible. I thought New York was supposed to be helping him? But clearly it hadn't been doing the job.

"Kendall" I said with a masked glee, running at him from across the room and pouncing on the couch like a tiger.

"I missed you too" he laughed, pulling me in for a hug that lasted just that little bit too long, almost too tight as if he were trying to say "help me Carlos, please help me."

"How have you been?" I asked finally, sitting beside him.

"Yeah really good"

Liar.

"New York's been amazing"

Liar.

"Made lots of friends"

Liar.

"And yeah it's just been all round great"

Liar liar pants on fire.

"How about you? How's everything been here?"

"Yeah it's good, although not the same without you obviously" I said with a sad smile. "Hockey is going great; we just won our game on the weekend against East High Kings."

"No way! That's awesome."

"Yeah and the senior team won the state qualifiers for the championships against Apollo so..."

I saw the hurt flash through his eyes, the undeniable pain he was bringing upon himself cracking to the surface.

"How are Jo and Camille?" He asked quickly, changing the subject.

"Yeah they're great. They're so excited to catch up." I said quickly, pausing before I said what I next did "So um someone at school today told me to give you a message..."

"Oh. Who?" He asked innocently. Unawares I was Just about to make or break his night.

"It was James" I gulped, fearing to look into his eyes as I felt his body go rigid next to mine. "He overheard me and the girls talking about how you were coming home and he said to say... He said to say 'hello'"

"Is that it?" He muttered eyes down and closed.

"Yeah... It seemed like there was more but he didn't-"

"Carlos it was great to see you and I'm sorry for making you come round for such a short amount of time, but I'm really tired from the flight so I better get to bed. We will hang out tomorrow ok, after you've finished school."

"Kendall" I sighed, not moving an inch from my spot on the couch.

"Stay if you want to talk to Katie or something but I'm going to bed."

"Kendall..."

"Good night Carlos" he said finally, rising from the chair and leaving the room.

After a good five minutes of trying not to cry I jumped up, unable to stop myself from running up the stairs to his bedroom. But before I could knock on the door I paused, paused because I could hear Kendall on the other side; he was crying. Crying so hard I wondered how he could even be breathing. Nearly all of me wanted to bust down the door and cradle him in my arms, but one small tiny, rational part told me no. I need to let him breathe for tonight, but tomorrow... Tomorrow I'm on him like a hawk.

As I walked down the stairs slowly I decided not to leave straight away, instead heading towards the lounge room again to see if I could find Kendall's parents. I jumped slightly as I heard yelling coming from what I knew was the kitchen and being the insanely curious person that I am I couldn't help but overhear.

"He is moving back here!" I heard Kendall's Mum yell.

"We can't force him Jen!" Logan replied.

"He's not 18! We can make him do whatever we want!"

"But he's living with his other parent, we can't do anything!"

"I don't care! I don't like this Logan; I don't like this one bit. Were both doctors, we both know the signs of depression and it's so clear my baby boy is depressed!" She started to cry then and all I wanted to do was go give her a hug.

"I just don't understand" she sobbed "Were we just that horrible as parents?"

"I don't think it's us Jen"

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know dear"

"I think you do! When I told you Kendall called me in tears and said he was moving to New York it's like you almost knew that was going to happen."

"I didn't know that" Logan said with a large sigh.

The funny thing was he did know the reason. When Kendall came home that day, "catatonic" as Logan had put it, not that I'm too sure what that means... Just that Kendall was like crazy and super depressed, he instantly asked me "What did James do?" I knew I should have been shocked that Logan would know about Kendall and James, but then Kendall tells his step Dad pretty much everything so it didn't surprise me.

"Please fix this Logan" Mrs Knight continued to sob.

"Um excuse me?" I asked hesitantly, rounding the corner to see Kendall's mum almost collapsed in Logan's arms.

"Hi Carlos" Jen smiled at me, pulling away from her husband and wiping her eyes. "Good to see Kendall?" She asked.

"Um yeah, for like a second, he said he had to go to bed" I shrugged.

"He what?" Logan asked angrily. "Why would he be tired? He hasn't seen any of us in 6 months and he just goes to bed?"

"It's fine; he just seemed a bit... upset"

"Of course he did." Jen said with a sad sigh, "Carlos, if you know anything about what happened to Kendall, you have to tell me" she pleaded, moving around the kitchen counter to stand right in front of me with big, green eyes exactly like Kendall's, begging for answers.

"I'm sorry Mrs Mitchell... I don't know. But I promise ill try help him. It's killing me to see him like this" I said sadly, not finding the strength to tell her about James.

"It's killing all of us. But thank you Carlos, you're a good friend" she said as she hugged me tightly. "Maybe we should send him to a therapist?"

"I don't think that would help" I shrugged as I was released from the hug. "He won't open up to anyone, so I doubt a therapist would help."

"You're probably right" she said as I noticed one small tear trickle down the side of her face.

"I'm going to go talk to him" Logan interjected, starting to make his way out of the room.

"Wait!" I said suddenly, getting him to stop. "I went up there to try and talk to him but I heard him... crying. I think he wants to be alone."

"No, he's been away for 6 months; I am not letting him be alone"

I nodded slowly and bowed my head.

"Hey Carlos, thanks for trying" he said with a small smile before turning to leave the room.

"Thanks for coming over Carlos. Please come over after school tomorrow?" Jen asked me.

"I will" I replied, hugging her quickly. "Bye Mrs Mitchell"

"Bye Carlos"

As I walked out of the house I could hear yelling coming from upstairs but decided not to listen, this was between Kendall and his step dad. I just hoped Logan could help Kendall... I missed my best friend and I needed him back.

Third Person P.O.V

"Kendall Knight!" Logan yelled, "You open this door right now!"

"Please just go" Kendall groaned through his pillow, it seemed Logan wasn't taking no for an answer though.

"Kendall, I'm not leaving."

"Ugh fine!" Kendall exclaimed, jumping off the bed to open the door, "What?" He spat, rubbing his swollen, crying eyes.

"Don't take that tone with me Kendall" Logan warned, pushing past Kendall and entering his room, taking a seat at the boys school desk that had gone unused for 6 months.

"Sorry" Kendall mumbled, sitting on his bed and bringing his knees close to his chest.

"Kendall, I don't want to yell at you and I don't want to be mad, but I'm just not sure what else I can do now. I've tried to be sympathetic and work this through with you but nothing seems to be working, so maybe if I yell it will get through to you. How could you send Carlos away like that? You haven't seen him in half a year and you just say goodnight? Kendall I am sick off all this. I don't know what James did to you, but it's time to stop beating yourself up about it and move on. And I know what you're going to say; 'I can't just move on!', but Kendall you have to try! You'll never get anything you want from life if you don't try! You're killing yourself of something some boy did and Kendall, he's not worth it! You're only 16 years old; you shouldn't be letting matters of the heart destroy you like this. Kendall, all I want is my son back. The happy, smiling, fun loving son I miss so much."

"He's gone." Kendall said in barely a whisper, looking at Logan with eyes that were close to tears. "James destroyed him."

"No! I am sick of this! James didn't destroy anything; you're still in there Kendall. If anything, can't you just remember the short time you and James were happy? Surely there must be some happy memories in there?"

"Of course there are" Kendall sighed, "Even if it was only a few days it will be some of the happiest days of my life."

"Then remember that Kendall" Logan pleaded, moving across to sit on the bed beside Kendall. "Just remember how much he loved you"

Much to Logan's dismay Kendall began to cry again, head collapsing in his hands. "T-that's why, t-that's why it h-hurts!" Kendall sobbed, "Because he doesn't l-love me a-anymore."

"Can you please just talk to him?" Logan almost begged, placing one hand firmly on Kendall's shoulder. "I think half the reason you're so upset is because you have no closure."

"I don't n-need any closure."

"Kendall can you please tell me what happened? Please?"

Kendall looked at his step Father through tears, hesitating before he spoke. Logan was holding his breath; would Kendall finally tell him the truth?

"You want to know what happened?" Kendall asked.

"Please" Logan whispered.

"I don't know!" Kendall almost yelled, providing Logan with an answer he hadn't exactly expected. "That's why it's so hard! Because I don't even know what I did! We were really happy, remember how he came over and you were comforting him and I was so angry? Well I was quick to forgive him and I thought we were at peace and he told me that night he loved me, like so many times, and that he would never hurt me... Then we went to school the next day and like an hour later he asks to meet me and he's crying and – oh god" Kendall murmured.

It was obvious to Logan that Kendall was in pain from having to relive this all over again but he just had to get him to keep talking.

"What happened next?" Logan prompted, squeezing Kendall's shoulder.

"Well he was scaring me because he was just so upset and I didn't know what to do... Then just out of nowhere he was like "This has been really fun, you're great, sorry if I lead you on, but were over" and I just... I didn't know..." Kendall began to choke up.

"Please keep going"

"And I got to so upset of course, but then angry too. I just couldn't believe he was telling the truth because he was so convincing when he said he l-loved me. Then I told him he shouldn't let school and his friends influence him over who he loves, that it doesn't matter he's older but then he just exploded and yelled that he was a horrible person and told me to just get out and he didn't want to look at me... It was so terrible." Kendall cried, now resting his head on Logan's shoulder.

"So I left, and I just broke down... and I knew the only way to escape would be to go live with my Dad, but that was a horrible mistake. Only because I feel so alone in New York, I've got Katie and my Dad but I have no one else. I thought being away from James and this town would help but it's not, I think I'm getting worse and I'm really scared." Kendall now speaking in barely a whisper.

"What are you scared about?" Logan whispered in return.

"Being a danger to myself"

"What do you mean?"

"There were times, in New York, where it was almost too much... And I thought everyone would just be a lot happier if I were... dead"

"Oh my goodness Kendall" Logan exclaimed, pulling the younger boy in for a bone shattering hug. "Don't you ever say that. Don't you ever even think that for one second. James is just a boy, that's all he is, and there will be other boys, and you just-"

"It's not just James" Kendall interjected, "My eyes have just been opened to a lot of things recently, like who am I? What is my purpose? I'll never be... great, you know? Like Mum's a surgeon, you're a Doctor, Dad's a CEO of... something, and I'm pretty sure Katie is already on her way to owning a company by the time she's my age. I'm just... hopeless. I'll never be good at anything. I'm average at school and I'm average at hockey –"

"Kendall you're amazing at hockey"

"No I'm not. I'm good, but there are other people who are better"

"Kendall, if you always think like that you're never going to achieve anything you want from life. You've got to be the best you can be, not what everyone else expects you to be"

"How did everything get so messed up Dad?"

Logan's heart smiled at hearing Kendall call him Dad once more, it gave him hope.

"Kendall, I'm going to be honest with you ok?" Logan sighed.

"O-ok?" Kendall replied nervously.

"You ran away. You should have stood and fought. Where is the Kendall Knight I once knew? Never backing down from a challenge?"

"I don't know where he's gone" Kendall murmured. "I just couldn't stay here Dad, you have to understand that. I couldn't go to school the next day and see James and have my heart being ripped out over and over again..."

"I know Kendall, I know" Logan soothed, beginning to run circles into the small of Kendall's back. "But you have to face him now. You've got to be strong. I'm not asking you to go speak to him or anything, but I think it would do you good if you just saw him... Maybe it would help you realise he's not perfect."

"But he is perfect" Kendall groaned.

"No, he's not. Would he really be so perfect if he broke your heart like he did? If he was as perfect as you think wouldn't he have been completely willing to be with you without shame? Without hiding? To accept himself and you for what you are? If he was so perfect why has he made you depressed?"

"I don't know" Kendall whispered. "But maybe you're right... maybe if I just saw him, it would help"

"I think it would. You know what? Why don't you go to the hockey training tomorrow night and then stay and watch the seniors train? James won't know your there"

"I guess... Yeah I guess that's a good idea"

"Good. I'll let you rest now, thank you so much for talking to me." Logan said softly, leaning back from Kendall to kneel at the side of his bed and hold both his hands firmly before he said, "Kendall Knight, you are a beautiful human being, and don't you dare let anyone believe you are anything less than that. You have family and friends who love you so much and would just be completely and utterly crushed if anything were to ever happen to you. Do you understand?"

"Yes" Kendall sighed, shutting his eyes to prevent any tears from escaping.

"Good night Kendall, I love you, and please don't do anything... rash." Logan said finally, placing one small kiss to Kendall's forehead.

"I love you too Dad" Kendall said with a feeble smile as Logan walked out of the room.

Kendall P.O.V

"Good night Kendal, I love you, and please don't do anything... rash." He said as he placed a soft kiss to my forehead.

"I love you too Dad" I replied, with as much energy as I could muster to squeeze out a smile.

I knew what he meant by "rash". After my startling suicidal thoughts declaration I was surprised he didn't demand to see what lay beneath the sleeves of my plaid shirt. I was glad he didn't, as what he would have seen might be too much for him to cope with...

As I lifted up the sleeves of my shirt and looked at my wrists I couldn't help but release a soft sigh at the fresh scars I had made only this morning before leaving New York.

Cutting... helped. It helped me keep a grip on reality and it helped distract from the pain that crippled my heart.

I knew what I just talked about with my step Dad would make what I did next seem somewhat ironic, but I couldn't help it now as I reached for the razor I had stored in my back pocket.

As I positioned to blade across my wrist all I could think was "hello"... all he had to say was "hello"...

I winced slightly as the blade broke the skin, but soon revelled in the feel of blood trickling slowly down my arm.

Hello... All he had to say was hello...

James Diamond really is going to be the death of me.

Love it? Hate it? Review it? x