A/N: See what did I tell you? Updating fast like a pro :P

So this chapter was (is) a lot longer than what I've posted here, in fact I have a whole other bit but I sort of just cut it off in the middle because I kind of liked it ending where I have... SO in light of that, this is sort of like a preparer ok? And also it switches to different people and locations but it's all in third person.

Disclaimer: Many more song lyrics used because I love them and music is my inspiration when I'm writing.

"My Love" by Sia and "See You Soon" by Coldplay. Both used in the context of James singing them to Kendall (in italics). If you've never heard them I desperately reccomend you checking them out because they're beautiful and will chop up your heart if you picture James singing them through tears to Kendall as he lays dying... God I worry about my mind sometimes.

Anyway I hope you enjoy the next little installment and I love your reviews just too much so please keep leaving them! :)

Love, Soph. xx

Chapter 13 - Heavy In Your Arms

"My love, leave yourself behind, beat inside me, leave you blind. My love, you have found peace, you were searching for release" James sings in a whisper into Kendall's blonde hair.

The tears have now stopped, there are none left. James is alone, and he is helpless.

"You came thoughtfully, loved me faithfully, you taught me honour, you did it for me"

James rocks Kendall back and forth and sings as if it were a lullaby. He doesn't know why he is singing, it's partly calming, partly wishful thinking. Maybe he can touch some inner part of Kendall's brain to wake up to his voice.

"Tonight you will sleep for good; you will wait for me, my love."

Turns out James was wrong, there are tears left.

"Oh my god Kendall, please" He sobs, "Please don't leave me"

James doesn't know how long he has been sitting here holding Kendall. It might have only been minutes but it feels like hours and he knows if he doesn't get help soon Kendall will die in his arms. He considered running out of the woods to get help but he knew he couldn't leave Kendall, because one: he might not be able to make his way back out and two: what if they couldn't find Kendall again?

It is well and truly night time now and in the middle of a Minnesota forest in November is really not where you want to be without a coat. At this rate Kendall and James will die together.

Kendall is hanging on, by a very thin thread. There is the faintest of pulses beating in Kendall's veins and James clings onto that, urging Kendall to cling on too.

"Kendall please, just please. I know I've been a terrible person and nothing will ever change that, but if you will let me I will spend every day for the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me. You know how I felt when I saw you? When you walked into your Dad's doctor's office something just clicked in my brain... I finally knew that you were the person I've been waiting for. In just that first minute you captivated me, captivated me with your smile, your eyes, your cute little dimples, even those crazy eyebrows I love so much. There wasn't a single part of my body that didn't ache to just hold you, kiss you... be with you. Your Dad soon explained to me who you were and initially I was faced with a dilemma. Would I be the asshole senior everyone expects of me? Or would I actually open up my heart to you... I chose the latter of course and I'm so glad I did. When I took you out for dinner I soon learned you weren't just a pretty face, you were perfect – on the inside and out. That night was the most incredible night of my life Kendall, not just the sex though, everything about it. When I held you in my arms and told you I loved you, I meant it. I've been an idiot I know, I was just... you have to understand Kendall I was so scared. I've never opened myself up so completely to someone before and it scared me to death. I'm such a coward, and I don't think I will ever have much of an excuse for why I do the things I do but I thought... I thought maybe if I kept you closed off from the world I could protect us, and keep us perfect. But now that I'm going to... Now that I might lose you I want you to know that I will scream at the top of my lungs for the whole world to see that you are the one I want to be with. There is no one but you Kendall, no one but you. I love you." James cries into Kendall's shoulder.

"In a bullet-prove vest, with the windows all closed I'll be doing my best - I'll see you soon"

"Come back to me Kendall, come on"

"In a telescope lens and when all you want is friends - I'll see you soon"

Somewhere in between the singing, the crying and the painful cold James falls asleep with Kendall in his arms.

I'll see you soon.

Meanwhile...

"This is ridiculous!" Logan yells as he paces back and forth in his living room. "Where is he Carlos!"

"I don't know!" Carlos says through broken sobs as he sits on the couch, not that he knows why he is crying – there's no need to be worried about Kendall... right?

"Tell me again what happened"

"Well Kendall came to training and he got back out on the ice and he actually seemed like he was having a really good time, like he was healing sort of, but then James showed up. And there was this huge fight between James and his friend Dak Zevon, over Kendall, and Kendall got involved with trying to break them apart so when Coach Skinner showed up all three of them were sent to the principal's office and then I honestly didn't see Kendall after that I swear Logan"

"James must have been here at the house though because when I got home his car was outside and still running so he must have been in a rush... But no one has come into the house because all the alarms were still on... FUCK!" Logan was now starting to yell. "I called the school and Mrs Collins your principal said she was about to call me too because the three boys had been in her office and when she got back James and Kendall had gone but that was hours ago! Where are they!"

Carlos was racking his brain trying to think of any possibility as to what happened, he was so close to figuring it out too... "Logan, I have this hunch and it might be totally crazy..."

"Please Carlos anything you can think of" Logan begged, finally taking a seat next to Carlos on the couch.

"I don't know if this would be completely out of the realm of possibilities but... Kendall wouldn't um... Kendall wouldn't ever hurt himself would he?"

Logans eyes went wide at Carlos' words. "Shit" Logan muttered under his breath, now flying from the couch to the phone.

"Pick up pick up pick up" He muttered, "Jen! It's Logan, are you doing surgery tonight?" There was a pause as Jennifer Mitchell responded on the line.

"Thank god. I need you to get home right away, please... Honey trust me. Kendall is missing and do you remember last night after I spoke to Kendall and I told you my fears of his depression?"

The line then went dead and Logan placed the phone on the counter and began to pace once more.

"Am I right?" Carlos said in a small voice, watching Logan pace.

"I hope you're not Carlos, but last night I spoke to Kendall and he admitted to me he's been struggling a lot, a lot more than he has let on. I don't want to believe it's true but I think you might be right, I think Kendall has been harming himself."

Carlos hung his head, not brave enough to show Logan the tears that were now falling. His friend... his best friend had been suffering and he never even knew.

"The real problem is though where he is now? And where is James? I phoned the Diamonds before you got here and spoke to their housekeeper; she said James hadn't returned home. If I could just understand what happened in the principal's office..."

"Why don't you call Dak Zevon?" Carlos suggested in a small voice.

It was a terrible idea but it was worth a shot.

"Do you have his number?" Logan asked desperately.

"No, but I can get it hang on." Carlos then whipped out his phone and after a couple of minutes of text messaging and Facebooking he was able to read a number out to Logan.

"Please pickup" He begged as he stood with the phone to his ear. "Hi! Dak Zevon? My name is Logan Mitchell; I'm Kendall Knight's step father"

"Oh hi Mr Mitchell, what can I do for you?" Dak responded lightly, although freaking out over what Kendall's father would want to talk to him about. Surely Knight wouldn't run off crying to Daddy.

"I promise I won't keep you too long. It's just Kendall is missing and I'm very worried about him. James' car is at our house but neither of them are here. I would like to get a better understanding of what happened after your fight with James this afternoon that would cause this?"

"Oh um.." Dak said hesitantly, unsure whether or not to divulge the truth. Although if Kendall and James were in some kind of trouble... "Well, the reason James and I started fighting in the first place was because I um... I threatened to tell Kendall why James ended things with him six months ago... Oh crap unless you don't know about James and Kendall in the first place –"

"No it's fine, I know, please go on"

"Well when we were finally alone I asked Kendall if he wanted to hear what James really did... And he wanted to hear so... So I told him"

Logan was absolutely dying to hear the story himself but now wasn't the time. "And I'm guessing he didn't take it well?"

"Um no... He kind of ran out of the room before I got a chance to finish... He was distraught. James chased after him, they were both in tears and Kendall just..." Dak's throat felt dry when he remembered how Kendall's face had looked. "Kendall just looked like he wanted to die"

Logan shut his eyes and collapsed down on the couch beside Carlos once more. "Is that it? So Kendall left and James ran after him? What time was that?"

"Ahh... about 4:30 I think"

Logan looked up at the clock that now read 10:34 pm. "Ok thank you for your help Mr Zevon"

"That's ok... and Mr Mitchell? I'm sorry. And when you find Kendall can you tell him I'm sorry too?"

"I will" Logan replied as he shut the phone, not that he knew what Dak would have to be sorry for.

"What did he say?" Carlos asked impatiently.

"Just enough to help me understand that we should be very worried about Kendall" Logan said as tears started to form in his eyes.

"Ok ok, let's think" Said Carlos, trying to remain calm. "If James was with him, or at least James was following him then they can't have gone far because James' car is here, right?"

"Right"

"So where would Kendall go? If he... If he wanted to end it all" Carlos said in barely a whisper.

"Let me think..." Logan mumbled as he placed his head in his hands.

Carlos tried to think too but his brain was coming up with nothing.

"He's not in the house, he's not in the backyard, he wouldn't go to any of the neighbours... I guess the only other option is... SHIT!" Logan yelled, jumping up and throwing on his coat.

"What? What is it?' Carlos asked frantically, standing to join Logan.

"Carlos, I need you to listen to me very, very carefully ok" Logan said. "I think... I think Kendall might have run out into the woods. He used to love it in there as a child but his mother and me always said it was too big and dangerous. For all we know Kendall is... dead on the ground somewhere and James is looking for him, and if we don't find them fast James might die too from hypothermia ok?"

"Oh my... oh my" Carlos breathed, unable to form words.

"So Carlos, I need you to stay here and call everyone you can alright? Because I know for a fact phones will lose reception once we get out there. James has probably tried to contact someone but can't... FUCK. Ok keep calm Logan, keep calm" he soothed to himself.

"But Logan wait!" Carlos called as Logan began to retreat through the sliding door. "What about you? What if you get lost and then all three of you are out there?"

Logan darted back in the house quickly, brain slightly snapped back into reality from Carlos' words. He threw out a bag from the closet by the front door which contained emergency items such as first aid, torches, blankets, a compass and a homing device of sorts.

"Ok Carlos this is important. This device here will transmit to this" He said, motioning towards the matching black remote looking thing he placed in Carlos' hand. "If I find them I will press a button and it will tell you where I am ok? It's going to be ok Carlos alright? Just get on the phone right now ok! I need you here so you can communicate with everyone what has happened alright?"

"Y-yes Logan" Carlos stuttered, already reaching for the phone as Logan walked out the door. "Please find them"

"I'll try" Logan replied, before finally exiting the house and sprinting across the back lawn.

"Ok where are you" He whispered mostly to himself as he began to run.

He had no idea where to begin, or in what direction to even run but his intuition kept him pushing forward. Even with his torch it was impossibly dark and Logan had to try hard to trip over the debris of the forest floor. As he ran and began to yell out James and Kendall's names images started to flash in his mind of the two huddled together under a tree, Kendall's skin soaked red and James clinging on to him for dear life... Tears streamed down Logan's face as he ran, but he wouldn't give up, not yet.

So yeah the next chapter is pretty much all written (nearly) so I know where I'm taking this don't worry :)

Oh also, I didn't really explain it right, but the little "homing device" Logan has is a real thing. My Dad and I go bushwalking a lot in really remote places and we take one with us just in case :) We've never had to use it though luckily!