A/N: I don't think I've ever been so nervous about uploading a chapter in my life.

It's all been leading to this.

Here we are.

*runs and hides*

I really, really hope you like it. I'm so worried about it. I just have to go calm down now.

This is basically the end, BUT there will be one more chapter after this, an epilogue to tie up all the loose strings :) Although I may fall in love with that and write a sequel ;)

Thank you so so so much to everyone who has reviewed and favourited and everything! I love you all so much. x

Disclaimer: Epic song I have used this chapter. Echo by Jason Walker. Please listen to it, it will change your life.

Chapter 19 - Now or Never.

No one's P.O.V

Listen, Listen
I would take a whisper if that's all you have to give
But it isn't, isn't
You could come and save me
Try to chase it crazy right out of my head

"Are you sure you're going to be ok?" Carlos asks nervously as he watches Kendall pace back and forth in his bedroom.

"Yes Carlos, I'll be fine" Kendall sighs in return, now digging through his dresser for something to wear.

"But it might be tough... seeing him and everything"

"Carlos I see him everyday"

"I know, but it's just... Kendall can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"Well..." Carlos doesn't really know how to begin; he's had so many burning questions he's wanted to ask Kendall since the whole woods tragedy but he just hasn't had the courage to ask them.

"Carlos, just ask."

"Well, I know that James went running after you... and Logan told me he didn't leave your side at the hospital... and it's obvious he misses you like crazy and you miss him like crazy too so... why won't you be with him?"

Kendall stops in his tracks, his outfit choice forgotten.

"I just... I can't" Kendall says slowly.

"But why?" Carlos asks nervously.

Kendall lets out a long breath and takes a seat next to Carlos on his bed but doesn't dare to look at his best friend.

"You're right" Kendall says softly, "I do miss him like crazy"

"But –"

"But it's not that easy Carlos. He drove me to kill myself... does that not mean anything?"

"I thought you said that you didn't blame him for that?"

"And I don't" Kendall sighs in frustration, but not at Carlos, at himself. "It's just... who's to say it won't happen again? Who's to say he won't break my heart all over again and we end back to square one. And besides, he is absolutely ridden with guilt; I don't think he will ever forgive himself for what happened"

"Then you should be with him, to let him know that it's not his fault"

"He wouldn't listen. I know... I know he loves me ok? I realise that now but I just... I can't give my heart to him again"

"But Kendall you're fucking miserable, I know you want him back"

"Of course I want him back!" Kendall suddenly yells, turning to face Carlos with angry eyes. "I miss him more than words will ever be able to say but I just... I just..."

"Just what Kendall!" Carlos is angry now too, it's contagious.

"I LOVE HIM! I love him so much that it hurts me and I hate that, I don't want to let someone affect me so deeply. And I know, I just know if I get back together with him it's going to end badly!"

"Jesus Christ Kendall! You're never going to be with anyone if you think like that!"

"It's not just me though! I spoke to him the other week... and he told me that his Dad said he would be completely cut off and his parents wouldn't pay for college if he was in a relationship with me"

"That's horrible, I get that, but I feel like James would risk all that just to be with you, he nearly died for you Kendall"

"Look I know that ok? And I know he would risk it all... but I don't want him too! I can't let him throw away his future for me"

"James doesn't need his parents Kendall, there's always scholarships and student assist"

"But just think about it... in about three months time James is going to be moving to Princeton, New Jersey, and I will be here in Minnesota so we couldn't make it work anyway"

"You could always move back to New York?"

"No Carlos. I'm not moving to New York. I just need to let him live his life. Besides, you never wanted us to be together anyway"

"Kendall... you and James need to be together. I don't think everything will be right in the world until the two of you are together..."

Kendall squeezes his eyes shut and let's a few tears escape before he opens his mouth to speak once more. "Let's go the game"

"But Kendall –"

"No, we're going to the game now." Kendall stands then, quickly pulling a clean plaid shirt out of his dresser and throwing it on.

Carlos releases a soft sigh as he watches Kendall walk out of the room.

"They're meant to be together" He whispers to himself before shaking his head and standing to leave with Kendall.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright
But it's never enough
Cause my echo, echo
Is the only voice coming back

James is like a God on the ice, but everyone knows this. He flies, he soars, and he takes complete hold of the game so all anyone can do is stop and stare and bask in the wonder that is James Diamond. His precision his flawless, his strength is flawless, his captaincy is flawless, he is flawless; and I know this of course.

I can't take my eyes of him, I try but I just can't. He controls the game and no matter what help he has from his teammates he is in charge and no one is going to take that away from him. The game is close; Breck in the lead by just one point and 10 minutes left of the clock, and this is where the game starts to get interesting.

I can feel Carlos' eyes on me, he is dedicating half his attention to the game and half is attention to me. I should be bothered by our small argument back at my house but I don't have any strength within me anymore to hold a grudge on these things. But I meant what I said; I don't think I will ever be able to give my heart to James... I just... I just can't. Being here is hard, I told Carlos I was ok with it but now I'm not so sure.

I love him... damn it all to hell I love him. Why did my heart have to do this? Why did my heart have to take this leap? It should have asked me first. I'd like to say I wish I'd never fallen for James but that's not true, James is the best thing that's ever happened to me. But I have to let go. I can't draw this out any longer. He needs to go to college and move on with his life, forget me.

I love him. But I have to let him go.

I have to.

But why can't I?

Five minutes to go now and the scores are tied. The game is getting brutal; it's getting hard to keep track of how many people are being smashed into the boards in the space of a minute. I can see the stress on James' face, I know it's there. Hockey, this game, his future, they mean everything to him and I know how he plays now will impact on that. I don't know if this would still be the case but he told me all those months ago that if they made the finals the coach was going to try organising a hockey scout from Princeton to come watch them play.

In the last minute of the game James calls a time out, with scores tied and the stress levels through the roof I see the team huddle around James, looking to him and hanging off his every word.

I thought I could do this but I can't. The emotions get to be too much, I can't stand this. I wish the best for James; I wish him hope, health, life, dreams, happiness and above all love. I want James to be happy and I want him to be loved, he needs to be loved. I wish it could have been me but it's too late now, it's all too late and that's ok... One day I will cope with the fact that I could have had something so perfect but in the end it was never destined to be. I should never have let him go... but I had to. He needs a life, and with me he will never have that. I need to let him go.

"Carlos" I said over the cheers.

"Yeah buddy?"

"I thought... I thought I could do this but I can't"

He looks at me with sad yet understanding eyes. "I understand. Want me to come with you?"

"No, it's fine. Just... just tell me how it goes ok?"

Carlos throws his arms around me quickly, holding me tight. "Love you bro"

"Love you too" I smile into his shoulder.

With one last smile exchanged between the two of us I turn to leave, pushing past the people in my row before beginning to ascend up the stairs. I spare James one last glance and see him looking my way.

I'll miss him. But I wish him the best.

James.

"Ref! TIME!" I yelled over the noise.

The ref blew his whistle and I see the team skate over to me quickly. This is kind of like a tradition of mine as captain, to call a time with mere minutes left to regain the group and pump us up for what is to come. This moment is crucial and nothing can break us now.

"What's the plan of attack Diamond?"

"Alright guys" I said with an air of captain confidence as my team gathers around me on the ice. "This is it, what we've all been waiting for"

I know half the team hate me but I don't care, right now all that matters is the game and I am the captain, and a brilliant one at that, they have to trust me now.

"I know this year has been tough for all of us..." I said as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "There have been injuries, losses, and just generally fuck up after fuck up but right now this is it. It's time to lay everything on the line and just go for it because... because well sometimes we have to do what we know is right and fuck what anyone else thinks..."

"Ahh... James are we still talking about hockey?" A member of the team asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, hockey" I said, shaking my head in frustration. "It's now or never, no looking back. Let's go out there and win this thing, it's the last game we will ever play at Breck so let's make it count, let's make every minute count. It's, it's now or never"

Now or never...

Time froze for a second as I took it all in. My teammates, staring at me with hope in their eyes and fire in their veins. I share their hope and their fire... but for something different.

I realised in that second that I don't care what Kendall says, I don't care what anyone says or anyone thinks, this is not some huge realisation but I know now... I know now that love can conquer anything. It has to conquer everything right? I don't want to live without Kendall, I can't. He is more important to me than anything and I am not going to lose that.

I looked over to the stands, to take in everyone and everything. This is it, end of school, end of hockey, end of a life I have known for so long now. I see Coach Skinner, pacing back and forth on the sidelines, looking as if he is ready to rip his hair out. I see the hockey scout Coach Skinner brought in from Princeton. I see my parents, sitting right near the player's box, staring at me with calculating eyes and then... then I see him. I would notice that plaid shirt anywhere; it's the same one he was wearing the night we first met. He's leaving; I can see him step out onto the stairs as he begins to climb but not before looking at me for one last time. This is his goodbye for him, I know it is.

But no more goodbyes, not this time.

"Diamond?" Dak says loudly, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Zevon" I replied, taking off my helmet and staring into his dark green eyes. "It's your turn now. Give them hell"

I spun quickly, skating off the ice as quick as my legs can take me.

I can hear them yell my name; positively stare at me in confusion. As I fly off the ice I rip my skates off my feet, throwing them, my stick and my helmet to the side.

The team is in shock, the coach is in shock, the crowd is in shock.

I stare at Kendall with his back turned to the commotion as he walks slowly up the stairs.

"JAMES!" My father bellows, grabbing me by the arm as I start to climb the stairs. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET BACK OUT THERE!"

"No Dad" I said quietly, yanking my arm from his grasp.

I can hear him continue to scream as I bound up the steps, taking two at a time, but I don't care.

"Kendall!" I yell, grabbing him by the shoulder and forcing him to spin around to stare at me.

"J-James? What are you doing?" He gasps, looking around at the crowd and the players on the ice.

But there is no one, there is nothing but him and his dirty blonde hair, and his crazy eyebrows, and his dimples, and those beautiful bottle green eyes and that tiny little gap in his front teeth I noticed that very first night. There is nothing but him.

"Kendall" I breathed, placing two hands on the side of his face. "I should have listened to my heart from the beginning. My heart knew what was best. I love you Kendall Knight, I love you with every inch of my heart and I am never letting you get away from me again."

I brought his lips to mine, and felt my heart explode beneath the simple touch. This is love, everything we are, everything we are going to be is love. His hands found my waist and pulled me in close. I felt tears reach our joined lips and pulled back to stare him dead in the eye.

"I love you too James Diamond" He said softly against my lips, tears falling down his perfect face. "Never let me go ever again"

"I never should have in the beginning" I whispered, kissing him softly once more. "Kendall Knight, from the very first moment I laid eyes on you... you had me under your spell"

"I love you" He whispered, a smile on his face and tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Forever" I whispered in return, connecting our lips once more.

I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming your name
Like a fool at the top of my lungs.
Can anybody hear me?

You're my echo.

... So? :)