Queen of My Heart
LoverGurrl411
Chapter 6 – Who I Wish You Were
Disclaimer - Don't shoot! I don't own anything but the plot and am making no money from this *weeps*, but if anyone speaks to Santa maybe you can get me off the naughty list and he might allow me to own it for a few hours. :D
A.N- Thank You to all that are reviewing or sending private messages! It honestly does mean a lot to me that so many people read my story, and some find the time to review. Reviews are love! :) Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, etc. Hope everyone enjoys and please excuse all the mistakes made. I reread it and found quite a few, but forgive me since it was 2 am when i uploaded it! *dramatic voice* :)
Anywho, the song I was listening to was "You Can't Break A Broken Heart" by Kate Voegele *as requested on top by Azalea Rose Black :) *
Blood fell to the floor in molasses slow drops. One by one. Pit, pat, pit, pat. No one moved. The look of shock on Rogue's face spurred Blob into motion.
"Ahh," he rammed into Logan's back, not realizing that he inadvertently shoved Logan's claws deeper inside Rogue. The twilight where everyone had been suspended broke, and shifted into a scene where everyone was in action. Some moved to remove blob from Logan's back, while others were busy trying to fight people near them so as to not let their leader, Lance get injured.
Everyone was angry in this small room that seemed to stretch itself to fit a battle.
The X-men blamed the Brotherhood for what just transpired, and the Brotherhood blamed the X-men; all the while Rogue was bleeding.
Pit, pat, pit, pat.
Logan took his claws out of Rogue's stomach in a sickening sound of metal moving. Rogue fell to her knees. Her face in shock as her hands lifted at a funeral pace. Pain etched the lines on her face, but her eyes were digging holes into the air. Her auburn hair fell into her eyes, and the two white stripes seemed to blend with her suddenly pale skin.
Her hand finally reached Logan's ankle, and suddenly there was life in her cheeks.
Logan had stopped moving, and stared in horror at Rogue on the ground
The grief and guilt tore at him like knives of the tribes of old, and he did nothing to stop her. Nothing to get away from her.
The life was crawling away from Logan's limbs and yet rogue couldn't pull her hand away. She never even noticed when she had taken one glove off. Every action she took the moment she felt her life slipping through the crevices of every pore was propelled by instinct. Animal instinct, and somehow this thought jarred her into reality, where she realized she was no longer dying. She felt heat in her limbs and she took her hand away from Logan.
Rage build inside her throat until she was almost choking on it.
Was he trying to kill himself?
"What the hell is the matter with ya?" Rogue yelled, standing up simultaneously.
The moment the words left her lips all bodies froze. She was okay. Lance, who had been battling Scott moved his stance to be closer to Rogue, yet somehow not too far from Kitty, in case he needed to shield her, though Lance realized that it was ridiculous. The X-men would never hurt one of their own.
"They hurt Rogue" his mind whispered to him, and Lance's eyes went hard.
"Back away Wolverine" Lance spoke to Logan. Though he wasn't in battle attire, Lance still addressed him as if he were. He was making a clear distinction that they were all enemies at that moment. Contrary to what happened earlier in the day, in this house, they were still enemies.
Everyone heard what wasn't being said with those few words.
Scott, tensed, and the rest of the X-men followed.
"Relax Scott, we don't want to escalate the situation" Jean spoke clearly, evenly, into Scott's mind. She wanted to get her message across with out angering him further.
"Tell that to him!" Scott yelled into his own mind, knowing Jean was hearing him loud and clear.
"Lance…" Kitty spoke softly. Almost everyone missed it, but the intended, Rogue, and of course Jean who always seems to be on alert.
Lance heard the plea in Kitty's voice, begging him to not escalate the situation. Lance would have growled if he had known that those same sentiments were being thrown at Scott.
But he didn't know, and all he heard was the voice of Kitty, and a sudden desperation filled him to hold her in his arms, and X-men and Brotherhood be damned! But the feeling was drowned by the uncertainty gripping at him from all sides.
"I don't love her, so it doesn't matter what she wants damn it!" Lance's subconscious argued, though it made no difference, because his limbs were already going lax from the feeling of betrayal crawling over him for having that same thought.
He may not love her, but he wants her, and likes her enough to want to please her. And he was sooo screwed as a leader because of it.
All these revelations took place in mere moments, maybe a full minute of two but not more, and at this time Rogue had ample opportunity to move slightly so she was standing just behind Lance's shoulders. Scott's eyes had been watching her, and the sadness that was revealed to her made Rogue look away.
She remembered a time when she was crazy for Scott. A time that if he had looked at her then with such sadness, she would have done anything to remove the look from his handsome face. But now was not then.
A lot has changed, but even so, Rogue felt a ridiculous loyalty to that feeling that felt so long ago and she said to Scott "I'm sorry"
"Don't be sorry, just don't go with them" Scott responded. And just like that the feel of the room shifted and all was concentrated on Scott and Rogue. There was a bittersweet feel to the air surrounding Scott and Rogue that left Jean with a disgusting taste in her mouth, and her eyes narrowed, creating a crease between her brows.
If there was anyone that could reach her it was him, and everyone knew it. It was possibly the worst hidden secret in the X-men mansion because everyone knew about her feelings. Everyone except maybe Scott.
Scott's sunglass covered eyes penetrated through Rogue, and around Rogue, leaving her melancholy and nostalgic of her dreams of once becoming the future Mrs. Scott Summers.
He stepped towards her, and the space left behind him was palpable, drawing her eyes away from him…but if Rogue was honest she was just looking for any reason to look away, being unnerved with the intensity coming from Scott. But once she looked away she was struck immobile by the damage that had been done to the once small but roomy bathroom. Now the bathroom was more than adequately spacious, with the wall that once hung a door being completely decimated, and for the first time since she was stabbed Rogue wondered how out of it she must have been to miss the apparent angry battle that had ensued.
"Rogue…" Scott said, his voice echoing in the silence of the room. Rogue's sea green eyes were drawn back to Scott's handsome face and she noticed that there wasn't that much space left between them. Lance had taken a step back from Rogue, seeing the conflict of emotions on Scotts face and deciding that this was a moment that shouldn't be intruded upon, but he didn't trust the X-men alone with Rogue after what just happened, so he decided for a compromise, though no one but he knew it, and took a few steps away.
"What do ya want meh to do, Scott?" Rogue asked him honestly. The sincerity in her voice let Scott know that for the next few moments there would be no pretenses between them. Just truth between the man who was the first X-men to gain her trust and the woman who was the first to ever tempt him even slightly away from Jean.
The exhaustion that laced her words sprung the atoms in Scott's body up and his right arm started to rise towards Rogue's left cheek, but in the second after he let it fall to his side, remembering that Rogue couldn't touch him skin to skin.
"…I don't know…" Scott responded, his voice throaty and gruff with unleashed but barely suppressed emotions.
The words were out of his mouth, and not a second after Rogue was completely tense, and in turn Scott had to look away from the fierce expression on her features.
Everyone was watching the powerful moment with baited breath. Logan was slightly disgusted. Jean and Professor Xavier were enthralled with this new facet of Scott and Rogue's enigmatic relationship, but if Jean was candid with herself she would admit that she was jealous to some extent. Her relationship with Scott was never mysterious or layered. It was simple. It always was upfront, him liking her and her reciprocating, and it always will be. No matter what bumps in the road of high school they hit, they'll always be alright, and that's the clincher. That's what Rogue and Scott have that Jean and Scott don't have; that uncertainty that makes everything seem more special because it appears more fragile. That uncertainty gave things a deeper meaning that normally would not have any meaning at all. And because of that Jean was burning with jealousy that was tangible if you were close enough to her.
Kitty was watching Rogue with a sadness that only Lance noticed, because he refused to disturb a private conversation. He was extending a courtesy to his enemy, and he smelt the fragrance of deceit hanging in the air, compelling him to admit in front of everyone that the only reason he was bestowing such a consideration to Summers is because he too had a private moment with Rogue earlier, and had anyone been privy to witness it they would have misunderstood…or perhaps they would have understood too much, he wasn't sure which, but he knew that he would have felt naked and vulnerable to that person's eye.
'That's the thing with Rogue, you just can't help but feel things deeper than you normally would' Lance thought, but as the words wisped by his frontal lobe, he was sinking slowly into the sadness of Kitty's eyes and his world tilted just slightly. He didn't know why, and he had no clue as to why Kitty seemed upset, only that it mattered; it makes a difference, but he didn't have the energy to dissect his own tumultuous feelings at the moment because as he looked up he noticed a prominent glare on the red head's face, and for the first time in days, he felt something akin to camaraderie with a female…because she was jealous, and he was too, he just didn't know of what or who just yet.
All these thoughts were running rampant, but Kitty's mind was the simplest of all. She was sad. She was sad because she could clearly remember a time when Rogue would have spent half the night awake talking to Kitty about Scott asking her not to go, and trying to scrutinize the words, morphing them into meaning more than Scott intended and more than they should. Kitty could remember clearly, and she felt her throat constrict because for the first time Scott was showing something deep, and real, but Kitty couldn't help but wonder if it was a little too late. And just like that an image of Gambit in the Bayou, red eyes glinting, flashed through Kitty's mind, his gloved hands wrapped around smooth and milky white ones, hands that he practically engulfed…only it took Kitty a moment to realize those hands had transformed in her mind into hers, but suddenly Gambit turned thicker, and his hands were gloveless, and slightly tan…and now it wasn't Gambit and Rogue but Kitty and Lance in the school parking lot so many months ago.
"I thought we were enemies…" Kitty had spoken softly, letting the light breeze ruffle her hair.
"Doesn't mean I don't want to date you. I mean… I'm still a guy, you know" Lance had responded, his gruff voice trying valiantly to mask his feelings, but failing just for the simple fact that Kitty was a teenage girl, and teenage girls have a sixth sense for vulnerability.
"I don't know, Lance. Like, I don't want to cause you trouble, or get in trouble myself…" she trailed off. But the need to rebel was gripping her.
'Maybe it's gripping him too' Kitty thought to herself. Maybe that's what this entire conversation was about: them rebelling. Needing something to rebel for so as to not feel like mere puppets in their own lives.
And with out her notice Lance had stepped away from the X-men van and gotten close enough to her that she could smell the breath coming from his mouth. She could almost feel his heartbeat in her mind, and his hands seized hers, right before his lips laid claim to hers…
And the memory raced away from Kitty with a whiplash speed as she noticed Rogue take a step away from Scott.
"Ah'm not leavin' with them, but Ah am leavin'," Rogue spoke out, her voice ringing clear and true in everyone. She was making a statement. That's how everyone took it, and every teenager could understand her reasoning, except only Scott actually truly understood. She wasn't making a statement, not really. She was attempting to battle with him, emotionally. He knew it because the moment the words had left his lips, he saw what no one else did. What she was calling him.
Liar.
So, as Scott clenched his fists at his side, his back rigid from restraint, he felt fear grasping to take control of him. Fear that he's pushed Rogue away too far. Fear that he would never see Rogue again. Fear that everything that's happening and spiraling out of control is his fault. It was unfounded, Scott knew, but it did not stop his brain from conjuring such feelings up in him. So instead of standing down and admitting what he truly wanted her to do, he fought with the only ammunition that he had. He fought with what he'd seen in the Bayou moonlight with everyone else.
"You may not be leaving with them but you think I don't know who you're going to?" Scott rebelled out loud. And just like that the adults that were in the room were suddenly stifling, for this conversation revolved around only teenagers.
"What does it matter who Ah'm going to?" Rogue responded, red fire against blue fire. Rogue knew what she was putting on the front was unfair, but for once she just wished that Scott Summers would just openly admit what he felt or thought.
"It matters because…because you like him," he said pausing for a second before continuing, almost hesitating. The next words that flew from his lips didn't have an ounce of hesitation however. It was strong and full of backbone, as if Scott knew drew strength from saying them out loud.
"You lust for him," he spat.
SLAP.
The sound resounded in the room with an echo in everyone's mind.
"You're selfish!" Rogue spat right back before waltzing away from him, and everyone else in the room.
Out of all the words to say, out of all the words in the English dictionary, None came to Scott to bring Rogue back in front of him so he could say it out loud: She was right. He was selfish, because though he knows that he could never want her or love her like she deserved, he still wanted her to want only him.
It would be a deep shock if everyone knew that Scott wasn't as clueless as everyone assumed.
But as Scott was uncertain of how to proceed from such a moment that passed, Rogue was just the opposite.
'Ah do want him' Rogue thought, and saying that simple line out loud in her head gave her a resolve that she knew exactly where she was going. To Tennessee. To Gambit, finally.
TBC
A.N – Sooo, how was it? Hope everyone enjoyed, although I'm not a fan of the beginning I did like the middle to the end. :) I also worked double time to get this out just for Christmas as my Christmas present for all those that bother to read and review. I can't wait for the next chapter! :D