A/N: Officially updated.
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Adrenaline Rush
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We are the nobodies.
Wanna be somebodies.
We're dead,
We know just who we are.
- The Nobodies, Marilyn Manson
Chapter Fifteen
The dry wind blows past them, a directionless meander in the air. Mello opens his eyes at the light, yet stinging sensation, and wonders why the chill of the night has suddenly gotten worse. It could be all in his head, maybe, but that wouldn't make any sense. Mello's decision to seduce Hex and earn her trust should be bringing him some satisfaction, but there is none that greets him. There is nothing but bitter cold.
And Los Angeles isn't supposed to be cold.
So maybe this is all in his head.
"You keep thinking, Melly-bean," his companion sighs, looking at him with exasperated amusement. "I told you to stop thinking. You keep setting yourself up for a headache when there's no need to, you know?"
Mello glances at her askance, dismissing her advice almost immediately. Hex seems aware of his growing frustration and headache. He wonders if she had read this in his body language, or if it was apparent on his face. If it is the former, then he must be tired to have himself let his guard down, even just slightly. If it is the latter, then Mello would need to work on masking his emotions and thoughts or he would get no further than Phase One of his plan.
"Kira," Mello reminds her, his eyes hardening as he surveys the earth beneath them. There are bright lights, streets, roads. The faint stench of car exhaust that filters his nostrils, and the sight of the streets already thinning of people create mixed emotions within him. He is disgusted by their fear, yet so fascinated. He is bitter that people would rather hide than fight back for full control of their lives, or at least a semblance of it. And at the same time, he is resentful because he has had no part in creating this shift of balance in the world.
Kira has changed so much.
Kira has so much power.
"Death rates have risen by eight percent three months ago," Mello murmurs, grimacing. He resists the urge to pace, for it would not calm his thought processes in the least. "That's a million for every percentage. Kira's getting cocky, and that fake L hasn't been doing anything. I'm starting to think that that 'L' guy isn't going to do anything at all. It could be because he's incapable, or because he's-"
"A puppet?" Hex finishes distantly, looking thoughtful as she considers the theory. "But mind you, the fake L had given us some solid ground to work on. Maybe he's careless, or maybe he's walking us in circles, but if he's under Kira's control, then Kira would've already gotten rid of all the evidence that we've managed to nab. So, what're you getting at?"
Mello gives her a look, warning her not to cut him off this time. "I'm saying that Kira could be the fake L, or if he isn't, then he's at least controlling that L like a figurehead. Being both L and Kira would be an outrageously advantageous position. It would explain why Kira has free reign over the world when that fake L sits back and talks bullshit to reporters."
"That would explain some," Hex consents. "But my point still stands. Why should Kira have not cleared himself off of all the evidence L had on him? Why should Kira not have killed me by now? I know he's used L's database. He wouldn't have gotten Aiber's or Wedy's names without it- and I know for a fact that my name… along with some others, are in there too. Why would I still be alive when Kira has access to L's data?"
Mello's eyes narrow dangerously. "I have two theories, but the former seems more plausible than the latter."
"What's the former?" Hex asks.
He shakes his head and tells her in a dismissive tone, "That Near would find some reason to need to hide your existence. I know for a fact that he's been looking to recruit you."
"Not interested," she drawls, rolling her eyes. "I've got all I need now, so there's no need to seek him out. What's your next theory?"
"I think Matt has been withholding information from us both."
"Please," Hex scoffs, sounding dubious. Inwardly, she is just as curious to hear more. The idea that Mello cannot trust Matt brings her a bit of sadistic glee; Mello would attempt to balance his field and place more trust in her instead, since she seems to be the only one telling him 'honest truths'. As another factor, Mello and Hex have been working as partners for a long while now. It would be a shame for him not to have even an ounce of trust in her now.
Grinning, she holds onto those thoughts. Outwardly, Hex fakes her naiveté; her defending her supposed 'best buddy' Matt, her trust in the weight of Mello's words. She fakes it all. "Matt has no reason to lie to us." Better to say 'us' rather than 'you'. She needs to keep Mello believing that she still thinks she is in this with him, together. "He's here because he couldn't go anywhere else, because he had nowhere else to go. He's here because he needed our help. He's here because he trusts you, and because you're his friend. You think he'd throw it all away for the sake of a lie?"
Her words hit him close to home, she knows. Hex watches as Mello makes it a point not to meet her in the eye, and she doesn't care if he is guilt-ridden or guilt-free. It all comes down to the fact that he is using her, and that he intends to kill her when it all comes to an end. And no matter what, she will not have it.
Mello clears his throat, suddenly tight with air constriction. "There are things- people do things sometimes, despite all the consequence, the misery. People do things because it feels right, or because it creates a bigger picture in their mind. Something greater. Bigger futures, greater rates of survival- things like that. But none of it applies to Matt. He'll survive this case either way, so he has no reason to lie to us. And what is there to gain anymore? What is there to lose?"
"Don't you trust Matt?" Hex peers at him quizzically, this time genuinely curious.
"I- I really don't know anymore."
Hex laughs softly, bitterly. How ironic. She can still remember the fifteen year old boy who dragged her away from the rave, trusting, earnest, and desperate. Compared to him now, anyone else might have thought that that boy is long dead, or a part of their imagination. Mello is nineteen, and he's paranoid and occasionally murderous, and distrustful. Like herself.
Only difference is, she had done this to herself by force, and Mello had done it willingly. Hex is still her same, exuberant self and Mello is too different. He is calculating and suspicious of everything and power hungry.
And because of this, Mello might be too far gone for redemption.
How to Use XXI: Those with the eye power of the god of death will have the eyesight of over 3.6 in the human measurement, regardless of their original eyesight.
What is survival?
The answer is subjective, but Near acknowledges that its unanimous definition is 'staying alive'. Now that the world is cowering under Kira's reign, people only do just that; stay alive. They all run, scatter, stay away from trouble, and hide. They are all like roaches of society, all brainless but wired to do nothing more than just survive.
Kira's reign is a reign of artificial peace, one instilled by fear, blood and death. Human mindsets are slowly evolving, and now the concept of crime or wrongdoings, no matter how slight or severe, is looked down on with complete disgust. People think that staying in line would keep themselves from death. Most forget that there are worse things than death itself. Most people, but not all.
There are rebels, criminals and masterminds who like to think that they could outwit that Murderous Maniac. The surviving criminals these days are the more intelligent, more careful ones, but even they don't last long. Driven by instinct, they commit another sin. Driven by stupidity, they sign themselves off to never wake again.
Kira kills them one by one, just like how dominoes would fall. He picks off the weakest of the rest and works his way to the tougher criminals, the ones that need to be shaken up or frightened enough that they cower or submit. But Kira doesn't forgive anyone, not even those who repent. He kills, and murders and slaughters humans like how one would kill livestock.
And in the end, if Kira's strategy plays out as well as it is going now, there would be no more crime at all.
No crime, no hate.
Near deeply despises the notion of it.
It is all flawed logic. A crimeless world is a world without meaning, a world with no conflict and no challenge to life. One could tag it as 'world peace', but one could also have himself sat down for a three hour video lecture on why world peace is a bad idea. World peace is supposed to be unachievable for a reason.
To aim for a completely nonexistent global crime rate is foolish. Insane. Peace instilled by fear will have no right to be called peace at all, and to have no crime may work in the beginning, but sooner or later, it will result in nothing more than chaos. Peace is good, and crime is bad. The bad and the good are present for a reason, and if Kira exterminates of the bad, there will be too much good for the world's own good. Then balance will be lost.
No balance, no peace.
More hate.
"Are you alright?" Linda asks him, frowning. "You seem to be distracted."
Near doesn't yet make an outward reaction, keeping his eyes on the chess pieces on front of him resolutely. He has a half-hearted strategy for his next move, his mind still preoccupied by the thoughts that have settled in his mind recently. He nudges his rook forward two spaces with one pale finger, and says finally, "What are your thoughts on Kira?"
She blinks. Linda has already expected him not to answer her question, but she is still unused to his unrelated questions and odd inquiries. She bites her lip, tilting her head sideways as she considers some of her thoughts. Linda has a habit of taking too long to answer a question. "Either a beast or a God," she quotes, and then smiles. "I think you know what I think. I detest him, same as you do."
"'Detest' is such a strong word," Near murmurs, toying with his hair out of habit. "I prefer the term… 'Repulsed'."
"Being repulsed is reasonable, I suppose," Linda considers, moving her knight piece. "My feelings for Kira go no deeper than hate. I feel nothing more other than disappointment. I know what he's doing, but I can't… feel repulsed."
"Interesting," Near says, tilting his head slightly. "Why?"
Linda flushes, "You know why."
"Do I really?"
She frowns. "Don't you? Oh, never mind. I think that whoever Kira is, he must be very intelligent to pull off his schemes… Well, either intelligent, or very stupid and shallow. Two wrongs don't necessarily make a right. I acknowledge that he is removing criminals from existence, but it doesn't justify a thing. Murder is still murder, and in the end, it all comes down to the fact that murder is wrong. Murder is a crime, and Kira is a terrorist. A murderer- a criminal, no more, no less."
Near hums his approval of her words. "And how does this conclude to your hate?"
"Kira murders. That should be enough reason for me to hate him," she says resolutely, her eyes flashing. "He killed those who'd been left of Wammy's first three generations- B, Q, J, Poe, Ade, Happy, and who knows? He could've killed Matt o-or Mello. I detest Kira because he killed people I care about. I detest Kira because he killed L, and L was the only one who had gotten so far in the case. L was the closest thing to justice I had ever imagined."
Linda turns her eyes to him hopefully, but Near keeps his eyes on the chess board, moving a piece. She says, "But you're going to get even farther than L, right? You're going to win. L said you'd possibly be the greatest mind to have ever come from Wammy's- you could be the greatest out of all of us. You could beat Kira, and have things returned to a state of normalcy."
"Naiveté will be your downfall," Near admonishes, not at all caring how Linda almost cringes at his cold tone. "Even after Kira, people will have the ability to recall all he has done. Not even time will erase his memory. Nothing will return to normal. People are too narrow-minded to open their eyes to a better existence."
"But," Linda persists stubbornly. "You're a genius. You can fix it."
"A genius I may be, but a genius isn't infallible. I have my strengths and weaknesses, just as you have yours. L said I was the brightest mind, but life does not always rely on cold logic. Yes, I can get farther L has ever gone, but I cannot do it alone. There is a reason why L has had three successors, and not one."
The woman's frown deepens as she stares at him. "So… Mello and Matt-?"
Linda comes to a reluctant understanding. She remembers that at the same year L had decided to go against Kira, L had finally chosen his successor, or rather, successors. Linda has been around Wammy's long enough to realize how odd it was that L had chosen three successors, instead of one, like he had done for the first three generations.
But now, it all made sense. One person couldn't be L alone. The first few of L's successors were a testimony of that. A fell under the pressure, B lost his mind. Z was institutionalized, and X had died.
Near is right; each person has their strengths and weaknesses, and combined minds would better overcome these weaknesses, as well as strengthen the other assets. Two bright minds are a dangerous combination, but to put three intellectual minds, each of different fortes and faults, together would have made them all a dangerous threat to Kira. Near, Mello and Matt would have been virtually unstoppable together.
Only L didn't foresee the trio going their own ways.
"So," Linda breathes, her eyes slightly widened in awe. "You're trying to track them down before you make a move?" It would be the safest way to go about things.
Near replies, "I will be tracking Mello down while being active in the Kira investigation. It would be prudent for us to join forces from them on."
"Just Mello?" she asks, confused. "What about Matt?"
He shakes his head once. "Matt will be too difficult to track, and I cannot afford to spend my energy on a search that may lead to negative results."
"Mello will be easier to track, then?" Linda says, trying to digest this overload of information. "But why would he agree to work with you now, when he had turned down the offer before?"
There is a mysterious glint in Near's eyes, one that has Linda uneasy. "I have leverage. Mello will cooperate."
She doesn't dare ask what that leverage is exactly, and Near doesn't care to share. His lips curl in a small smile that still somehow manages to look confident, self-satisfied and assured. Near has no doubt that soon, Mello will return to him, looking for his photograph.
"Alright," Linda sighs tiredly, moving another chess piece. Her conversations with Near have never failed to exhaust her. "But aren't you getting too confident? Mello may have no need for whatever you have, and he could very possibly be working with Matt now."
Near says, "I am certain that he will come to retrieve what I have with me, no matter the circumstance." He looks down to the chess board, moves his queen piece to capture her bishop, and he murmurs, "Check."
"Anyway, it wouldn't make sense if Matt is with Mello now," Linda says. "If Matt had any intention of following Mello, he would've taken Mello's records along with him, and not just his own. Or Matt would've brought along some of Mello's belongings with him. Roger and I have checked their rooms. Mello's things were untouched. Moreover, Matt and Mello have always worked well together. They would have at least found enough evidence on Kira's identity, and knowing them, they would have caused something big… Nothing major has happened recently, not that I know of."
He looks at Linda. "You base your opinions on hunches."
The older girl keeps her eyes on the board before them determinedly. "As you said, life does not rely on cold logic all the time. For all we know, Matt could be Mello's accomplice now, or maybe he isn't. We won't know unless we find out." She pauses, moves a chess piece, and says, "How do we even begin to find them?"
Near stays silent for a long while. He keeps fiddling with his hair, his eyes blank and distant. The conversation has steered in the direction he has wanted. Having thought through all this before, he knows all the pros and cons of telling Linda. Near will only extend the necessary information to her, and in exchange, she will provide him what he wants.
"I have evidence suggesting that Mello is in the company of a former Wammy's student," he begins, and he uses his queen piece to capture Linda's rook. "Check. Do you remember X?"
Linda's eyes widen in surprise. "From the first generation? There'd been rumors about her committing suicide after she'd been institutionalized… but I suppose, if Mello's with her, the rumors- they were just rumors. So, she has never been institutionalized." Linda frowns. "But… why would she be with Mello?"
"That is what I intend to find out," Near replies ominously, dodging the question despite having an inkling to its true answer. He knows that Mello has sought Hex out to aid him in the Kira investigation, but how exactly she will do that for him is still a mystery to Near. "Do you remember X, Linda?"
Her brow furrows in concentration, her brown eyes squinting as though she trying to see past unclear memories. "Near, it's been almost thirteen years."
Near's eyes narrow imperceptibly. "Do you remember her, or don't you?"
She pauses at his persistence, and gives him an odd look, studying him intently. Near doesn't always do things with intent, but Linda realizes at that instant that it is very important that she must remember. So she leans back in her chair, gently massaging her temple as if it would jog her memory. Her silence is long and tense, but well worth it.
"I don't recall much," she starts. "But I remember her being three or four years younger than me- perhaps around your age. Obviously, neither of us knows what she is like now, but I recall her being a bit of a handful. She had little sense of right and wrong, and the kids she played with used to take the brunt of it, because she was rarely ever caught at doing anything she wasn't supposed to be doing."
Linda frowns. "If her performance in the Wars is any indication, I'd say she's a criminal now. But why would Mello associate himself with a-" she trails off for a moment, and realization hits her. "You don't suppose Mello's a criminal now too?"
"Unless evidence proves otherwise, then yes," Near replies tiredly, and dismisses the subject. "Do you remember what X looked like?"
She looks at him quizzically, but Near detects a trace of suspicion. "Why would you need to know that?"
He doesn't immediately answer. "She is the reason Mello is able to evade my radar. X –or Hex, as she calls herself now- specializes in evasion and information gathering. It is no wonder that Mello had sought her to aid in his investigation of Kira, but I digress."
"Recently, I have discovered X has been residing in America," Near says. He isn't lying. Hex may have succeeded in removing the locating devices implanted in her and Mello, but Near is not a fool. Hex has a pattern –a barely noticeable pattern, but a pattern nonetheless- in her thefts and crimes. "With more time, I will be able to properly locate her, but I need a failsafe way to know that it is truly her and not an imposter. Where I find X, I will find Mello."
"You need me to sketch her appearance," Linda states, realizing her part in this. "But… what if she isn't with Mello?"
Near's dark eyes meet her own, and Linda strains not to avert her gaze. Near murmurs, "Do you question my judgment, Linda?"
"N-no," she hastily answers. "Of course not. You're L. I trust you."
As if to prove herself, Linda retrieves her sketchbook and pencil from her bag. "My memories of her would mean nothing much. It's been almost thirteen years. How are you to look for a face that's thirteen years older than what you remember?"
"Science," he says impatiently. Linda has never kept up with technology, so it isn't a surprise to him that she has no idea of the programs and devices that can easily age how a person appears on a police sketch or photograph. Hex's face would be his to know soon enough.
Linda makes a distracted noise, opening the well-worn, leather bound sketchbook. She flips the first few, charcoal-filled pages. There are drawings of two doves on one page, a black rose on the other, and trivial other things that have Near quickly losing interest. He looks back to the chessboard.
Near completely misses the last few sketches Linda has drawn, and he does not know it, but this will be his greatest mistake. Near doesn't see the highly realistic portraits of his younger self, and Mello too. Near doesn't see a thing.
When he looks at the sketchbook again, Linda has already begun sketching on a fresh page. She is carefully defining the curve of a six year old Hex's jaw.
Near make his final move on the chessboard.
"Checkmate."
TBC
A/N: I got tired of people characterising Near as an emotionless robot-kid. I saw a trouble-seeking kid in him, so here he is, quiet but playful. Hope you guys enjoyed my characterisation of him.
Reviews are love.