A/N: I might add onto this, I have two ideas about where it could go. If you like or dislike the current writing style please let me know so I can make my decision about which way it's going to go. Thanks! :)

This isn't right.

Of course it isn't. Barney knew that from the start, knew that when he tracked Quinn down, knew that when she met him in the coffee shop and agreed to buy him coffee. For starters, Quinn was kind of a bitch. She was hot and sparky but- she wasn't that nice. At all. He had known a LOT of strippers, of course, but none had ever ripped him off quite this badly. Although of course he had always been on the alert for it before. Aaah, yes, Karma was a bitch. Pun intended.

Barney knew all of this, and yet he ignored it. He knew that this would probably come back to bite him in the ass at some point, and yet at this point he didn't care. He didn't think that the Barnacle had ever been this depressed, not even when that superbitch Shannon had dumped him. So he moves in with Quinn to take his mind off of things- and Quinn did give him things to think about- like consistent sex without having to work for it. Or the fact that he really tries with a girl for once and she won't even quit her job, which happens to be getting naked for other men. Oh yes, Karma is indeed a bitch. She's also kind of funny, or at least entertaining, the things she does, and she seems to care about him, and he could really use some affection right now. And not necessarily the dirty kind. She may be a bitch but she still is a human being, who is living with him and is having pretty good sex with him and playing tricks on people. She's not the worst really, and he does care about her, he tells himself. Somewhat.

But he really knows this is wrong when he decides to propose to her, seeing as he's desperately in love with someone else (he should call Robin. They haven't been on the same page lately. He misses her... but then he drops the phone like a hot potato when Quinn comes into the room. He's TOTALLY in love with Quinn, he says to himself, ignoring the fact that he was just thinking about how in love he was with his Canadian best friend, and lugs the suitcases out the door.) He's thought of the most elaborate proposal, just to give himself something to do, so he doesn't have to say much. Then she'll say no and he'll be rid of her forever. Or she'll say yes and they'll live happily ever after. Either way he'll be fine. No he won't, if she says no- nah, he can't even finish the sentence, he thinks, looking around at the Hello Kitty hell his once-awesome bachelor pad now is. But since he wants to love her so terribly (it'd be so much easier this way!) he resolves to hope she says yes. And since he's gotten so good at acting over the years, especially at faking his way through something (but he doesn't want to talk about work) he pulls it off, and she says yes, and they ride off into the sunset. God, when did his life turn into a Ted style fairytale. He's never wanted this.

He does feel horrible after he and Quinn go home that night, after they first get engaged, and all he can think about is Robin. After all, she gave up her job for him. He was genuinely touched by that. He thinks for the first time that she actually might be really, truly in love with him, and he wants that so badly that for the first time they spoon after sex, him burying his face in her hair and wishing so desperately that he loved her even enough to just be HAPPY for God's sake.

He realizes afterward that she doesn't love him, of course, when she starts acting distant a week or two after the engagement, only talking to him to ask for money and such. He knows then that she really was a gold digger, but he can't bring himself to face it, so when they go down to the bar that night he clutches Quinn to him and beams like he's the happiest man in the world. Which of course he is, really.

But he really only realizes how truly wrong this is when Robin brings a new boyfriend into the bar, "Tom" (ugh), who clearly adores her and can give her a functioning relationship. HE won't throw a fit because she washed his tie; she won't find an old bag of panties in HIS closet (and he'd thrown out most of that crap anyway, because it was ROBIN, and so sue him if he didn't notice one bag in the corner- you know what, forget it. He deserved that fight like he deserved all the others.) And he watches her and the fact that he can't make dirty jokes anymore with her, can't laugh at her Canadian-ness (Tom doesn't do that; maybe that's why she likes him? No, she knew it was joking, he's sure of it. But what if it wasn't? Oh, God, he's so insecure around her... he used to be able to read her so well...) And Barney realizes that he'll never love Quinn, not just not love her the way Marshall loves Lily or Robin loves this Tom guy (son of a bitch), but he'll never love her at all. Because she's not Robin, and there'll never be another Robin, and he's never really loved anyone but her (he almost breaks down in tears at this point, but then he reminds himself to stop being sad and be awesome instead. And of course that works, because when has it NOT worked?) But he makes himself look at Quinn and smile. One moment at a time. He can do this (maybe). Karma is SUCH a bitch. God, he should make that his new catchphrase, because "legendary" won't work anymore... He was just feeling morose, he told himself (when did he turn into such a Ted?) and swallowed his scotch in two swallows.

He can't do it, can't break up with Quinn, because he totally deserves this fate, and besides Robin is with Tom now and Tom's awesome (Tom sucks) and his mind babbles like this for the next two months. Meanwhile, the wedding is going full speed ahead and he's just along for the ride. Quinn chooses who's coming, when it's going to be, etc. etc. He starts spending most of his nights at home watching stupid TV shows. Quinn won't let him go to the cigar bar or play laser tag. They'd had a very solemn talk about it one night. He remembers her saying something like, "You swore you changed and you wanted a different lifestyle" blah blah blah, and he just agrees to get her to shut up, and he dies a little inside with every word she says. (He knows he's being dramatic but he just doesn't care.)

And then there was the night, when Quinn sat down and said very quietly that this is wrong, and she just isn't feeling that this is the way it should be, and she tells him that she likes him okay but was just marrying him because he was comfortable and rich but then she realized that she wasn't happy and she knows he's totally in love with her blah blah blah and he can't even listen when she's saying the second most wonderful words he could hear right now, but he assures her he'll be okay, and he smiles at her and she smiles at him and for a second he wishes that this could work because she is like him. But that isn't good enough, of course. And so they actually split amicably and there isn't much heartbreak at all because Quinn could never hurt him.

But then Robin barely reacts to the news, not even when he's practically begging for sympathy by telling about all the things he hasn't done for months- "I haven't played laser tag, or gone to the cigar bar, or done anything legendary or awesome"- she just squeezes Tom's hand and looks at him adoringly. So he goes and does the one thing he didn't really miss; he hits on bimbos for the rest of the night. And the next. And the next. And Ted's right, this is fate, because there's nothing he can do- he tried- this is how he'll spend the rest of his life. But he stares at Robin when she isn't looking, because this is part of him too, his love for her, and maybe she'll never love him but he'll always, always love her.