Chapter 4 – Interruption

I am just so sorry for the delay, I was out of town and my laptop was back here, alone without me. I'll try to minimize on the delays in the future. Stay with me and do tell me how you find this chapter.

A/N: Leave a review for me, will you? As my inbox's flooded, I don't check e-mails that often... so reviews are more appreciated. You can PM me too though.

- I don't mean to threaten you all for reviews, I just ask whether I should continue because I'm sometimes not sure whether its worth continuing. I just ask for your opinion, suggestions, views which are quite encouraging.

- This chapter is dedicated to all of you who reviewed! Your reviews made my day :) Keep them coming!

- Pardon my grammatical errors please :)

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, Andrew W Marlowe and ABC are doing a damn good job with 'em.

The first Sunday of that unforgettable month filled Beckett with an irresistible urge to meet Castle. A week after that night, the loft once again attracted her towards it. She had to see him. He was the only reason she felt alive, he was her dry land. Making sure no one was following her, she reached his loft at 3:00 am. Thanks to her Detective training she was able to enter without a key. There was absolute silence except for the soft snores that were coming from his bedroom. She tip toed towards his room and saw him lying there, deep asleep. An almost empty bottle of whisky was standing on his bedside table, which had been his dry land these days. She walked slowly towards him, and kneeled down, close to him, watching him sleep. He looked so fragile, so sad that she couldn't stop a tear from trickling down her cheek. The area around his eyes was moist which was a sign of constant weeping. She gently moved her thumb along his cheek bone and bended forward a little to place a kiss on his forehead. She touched her lips after kissing him, as if to protect his taste from dissolving from her lips. That was a very pure gesture on her part which was born out of love and longing. She walked towards the door and before exiting; she looked once again at his sleeping form, cherishing it, remembering it as it was going to be the only memory that would keep her alive for another week. He was the reason she hadn't given up on her search, not her mother.

Beckett was lying in the guestroom, fast asleep as she remembered her first meeting with Castle that month. She had made it a habit after that to at least visit him once a week, unable to inhibit herself from meeting him. Among the four visits she made that month, this was the first. The sweet memory woke her up with a smile. It was a memory, not a dream and now she was living with him. She could see him, feel him, touch him whenever she wanted; nothing could stop her now from doing those things except him. She had to make efforts now to make him ready. The hardest thing is to hold on when you know that the other has already decided to let go.

It was 5:00 am in the morning and they were well past dinner now. Kate pulled her hair back in a ponytail and slipped a pair of slippers on. She walked down the stairs, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Apparently Castle was still sleeping, giving her the opportunity to cook breakfast for them. She started cooking for him with enthusiasm; she had a pretty clear idea of what she was going to make.

Castle woke up to the smell and hissing sound of breakfast and the clatter of utensils that was coming from the kitchen. He knew that it was morning as the sun's rays had chased away the darkness of the night and was shining with all its glory. He lifted himself up from the oh-so-inviting bed and headed out of the room. He just stared at Kate for a minute adoringly. She looked so beautiful, moving around the kitchen, handling the stove as well as placing the breakfast on the empty plates. A few strands of hair were dangling on either side of her face, making her look pretty even in such a simple attire. The moment she saw him, he just looked down, denying the fact that he was staring. She gave him one of her dazzling smiles which his heart had secretly craved for and holding two cups of hot coffee, she came to him, handing him one.

'Morning Castle...' she said, smiling at him. He responded with a smile and a nod and uttered 'morning' raising the cup a little as if saying cheers.

'I made pancakes...' she said, pointing to the plates kept on the kitchen counter. Castle's expression darkened a little.

'Well, you at least finished something you had left unfinished that day...' he said, taking a sip, not looking at her anymore. The pain that was missing a while before was back. Kate was reminded of that morning when she had made the same breakfast but had left before she had a chance to complete it. She actually had done it intentionally today, as she just wanted a start, something... for making amends and a small thing like breakfast had proven to be a great place to start with it.

'I know Castle, and I wish to complete the other things too that were left incomplete...' she said, heading towards the kitchen counter, making sure he followed too. They sat on the high stools before the kitchen table and Castle took a bite of the pancake she had made with so much passion.

'You should've made the breakfast and then left... these would've been greatly appreciated that depressing morning...' he said. Kate didn't know how to react because he being the writer had successfully included both, a sweet compliment and a bitter truth in just one sentence.

'Castle I'm so...' she started but he just cut her off.

'Dont say it Kate... don't say it when you don't mean it...' he said. Castle just didn't want her to apologize as she had already apologized that night when she had showed up outside his loft, drenched, before they had a passionate love making session. What he thought was that if the 'sorry' of that night held no meaning for her then what good would this 'sorry' do. She had apologized that night but look where it had got them. She just said things but didn't mean them, so he didn't want her to say such things in the first place.

'I mean it Castle... that night was-' she started, but was again interrupted by him.

'Was a mistake... I know' Castle said casually, taking another bite and a sip.

'I know, lets just pretend that it didn't happen...' he said, once again throwing a fake smile towards her. Kate was just left speechless. She didn't know how to explain to him the importance of that night, how much it had an impact on her, how many times she had played it in her mind... again and again and again.

'No I don't want to pretend, it's one of the greatest memories I've had with you...no... I... I just cant!' Kate said, raising her voice a little and making it clear to him that she wasn't going to run away and hide this time. Castle sat there, stunned, looking at her with a confused expression.

'Kate... it was a mistake, look where it's gotten us' he said, vacating his hands and facing her.

'It's got us closer than ever...' she said, without hesitation. She wanted to be incisive and not wait anymore for the right time to say what she wanted.

'Yeah right, it's got us to a place where I'm trying hard to wash away the memories of the last few months...' he said, moving towards her, placing both his hands on her shoulders. She shivered under his touch.

'The truth is Kate... we suck at relationships...' he said with a straight face, but she wasn't going to give up.

'This last month... being away from you has made me realize how much I need you...what if I want more Rick?' she said, cupping his face, her eyes starting to water again. Damn tears.

'Its not about what you want... its about what you can have...' he said, placing his hands on hers and slowly removing them from his face. He started to head back to the kitchen counter where the pancakes and coffee were lying. As he turned his back on her, she just said-

'I feel I can still have you...'

'I did it to protect you...'

This caught his attention, he turned, staring at her for a second he said:

'Kate... it's always better to walk in the dark with a... friend than to walk in the light alone... you shouldn't have left...'

Castle had tried to forget all about her, erase that night and save the friendship but to stop loving someone like her was like trying to remember someone that didn't even exist. He didn't regret loving her, it was losing her that was hard for him to accept, but the most painful of it all was... letting her go.

His mind was telling him to stop and end this chapter named Kate Beckett but his heart was still in love and wasn't cooperating. Maybe they still had a chance?

He was about to say something else when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. He took the easy way out this time, heading towards the door. As he walked all he could think about was the little conversation that had just taken place. The knock had at least prevented him from saying something optimistic or accepting something that he would have regretted later because he had stopped being optimistic about life after she had closed the door on him. He rotated the knob wondering who would be the cock blocker this time but he was glad that the conversation had ended for now.

'Yo bro...' Esposito said, giving him a small smile.

'Esposito? What's up?' he asked, as Esposito stood there, his eyes searching for Kate now.

'Can I?' Esposito said, asking Castle to let him in.

'Oh! Yeah... sure!' Castle said, making way for him and closing the door when they were in.

'Hey Javi...' Kate said, moving towards him, giving him a side hug.

'So, where are the files?' Kate asked, her eyes on Esposito.

Esposito started walking towards the cabinet next to the front door, opening the middle drawer, he took out a yellow manila envelope which contained the files Kate was asking for.

'What the- Were they- Of course! but how did-' Castle tried to frame a proper sentence but all he could say properly was:

'The files were here all along, right under my nose! How did they get here? Please tell me it's a magic trick or I'll faint!'

'Sorry bro, I don't do magic' Esposito said, looking at Castle with amusement. Castle stared at Kate demanding some answers. The story she told was in no way complete. Kate just bit her lips and looked at him innocently with those shiny big hazel eyes.

'Ahh...Espo was my back up...' she said, looking at him pleasingly.

'And Ryan?' Castle asked, calming himself down.

'Lets just say that Espo here wasn't sure that he'll cooperate with us, besides, he would've told Gates...' Beckett said, looking at Espo to continue.

'Ryan has... a different way of thinking though I wouldn't say that he is wrong... actually we both care for Beckett's safety but we think of different methods to keep her safe...' Esposito said, matter-of-factly but he wasn't at all angry with Ryan. He just respected his opinion and methods.

'If keeping her safe involved her leaving and going after her sniper with just you, I think I'm with Ryan here...' Castle said, looking at Esposito seriously and then taking the envelope from him to see the files it supported.

'This little thing was here all along...' Castle said again in a surprised tone, looking at both of them to explain how the hell it got there.

A/N: Whew! This one was tough as I'm writing after so many days but I hope you liked it! Did you?

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