A/N I actually managed to get this up by the weekend as hoped! Thanks for being willing to wait. :) The Doctor finally explains a few things to Rose, leaving The Big Questions next to be faced.
Chapter 21
It was time to finally get some answers, she decided. About a lot of things. Answers to questions that had stood unasked and unanswered between them long before this day had come.
For a few brief and silent seconds, Rose simply gazed at the Doctor where he stood over at the window with his back still to her. He had removed the ceremonial crimson tunic and sash, and wore just a loose, white linen shirt that had been beneath and was untucked over the black trousers he had donned in place of his usual suit. Though pinstripes had become the norm, this wasn't the first time she had seen him in black trousers, and steely blue eyes and a Northern voice swept into her thoughts, reminding Rose just how long the feelings she held for this man had resided within her.
Looking at the Doctor now, there was something about the relaxed, dressed-down look which struck her as incredibly sexy; but then, she often had that thought when looking at him, regardless of his state of dress. Rose had to shake herself out of those particular thoughts. There were much more pressing matters that needed to be at the forefront of her mind right now without getting distracted by attraction and desire, even if this was, technically, their wedding night.
As Rose had come back into the main chamber, the Doctor saw her movement behind him reflected in the glass of the window. He turned around to face her, his eyes briefly leaving hers of their own accord to roam down her form and take in the silken, ivory-colored gown hugging and draping her body. He took in all of her. Her hair, her skin, the creamy silk flowing down her form – her entire being seemed to glow warmly in the firelight. There might have been a few major points he was fighting to deny at the moment, but the fact that Rose was breathtaking was not one he could refute. She had been prepared for him, he comprehended soberly, as he was meant to be prepared to now give himself to her. He never felt quite so unprepared in his lives. His traitorous eyes quickly made their way back to settle on her face.
Realizing he couldn't stand near the window all night as if hovering close to the nearest exit, he finally took a few forward strides toward Rose as she moved closer, too. The Doctor lifted an uneasy hand and scratched the back of his neck. Time to talk. Rassilon, had he ever felt this ill-at-ease? Considering this was the first time he had ever plunged into something quite like this and had now...married Rose, he had no basis for comparison to answer that question.
"Well...I suppose I have a few things to explain," he finally said, though he was finding it hard to focus his thoughts on an explanation. Replaying the events leading up to all this had been easier for him when he had been alone. Now standing here with Rose, his mind kept replaying their vows, their dance, their kiss, their marriage.
"I was kind of hoping you would," Rose answered, trying to put a little lightness into her tone to lift the thick tension in the air between them.
The Doctor blew out a long breath and dove in. "I suppose I should start at the beginning. Last night, that is. After last night and our...discussion, I knew none of this was adding up, despite what you'd said. I knew you wouldn't actually decide to go through with something like this unless you felt that for some reason you had to. And it was clear you couldn't tell me why you had to. Not really. So I started to put together a few answers of my own, and then went to someone who could tell me the specifics. I went to Zerin." His lips quirked faintly upward. "And as you know, I can be a very persuasive man. Plus I told him I could help. I told him that using you to somehow permanently solve the ongoing unrest on Zobulan wasn't the answer. But even still, he wasn't entirely willing to see any other way in this until I mentioned that a more apt resolution for bringing reconciliation to the people of Zobulan involved him and Shadarra."
Rose slowly shook her head. "Shadarra? How?" She then realized that whatever the answer was, this was the least of her concerns at the moment. "No. Wait...back up. First things first. What about the poison?"
The Doctor folded his arms over his chest and nodded. "Ah, yes. Eilam and his cocktail."
"Did Zerin tell you?"
He nodded again. "Yes."
Rose felt measurably better in her opinion of the King upon hearing this. "Was what Eilam said true? Were you really in danger?" Rose's voice shook a little just at the thought of him possibly being seriously harmed.
"Could have been," he admitted. "I'm not invincible, and some poisons can be lethal to me under certain circumstances. Even things that might not be serious for others. Aspirin, for instance. But in this case my system was able to neutralize this particular substance before it did any harm. My body was able to detox on its own."
Rose felt a little of her strength leave her at the same time the fear she'd been holding on to dissolved. She turned to the bed and sat down heavily on the edge. He was safe. She believed he had to be at this point, especially knowing he had in his possession what Eilam said was the antidote had he needed it. But still, just hearing it confirmed lifted at least one of the burdens that had been oppressing her every thought since learning of what Eilam had done.
The Doctor moved closer toward her, his eyes both tender and pained as he looked down at Rose. "You did this for me," he said softly, not a question but a statement of awe.
Rose shrugged. "Wasn't like I would take a chance on something happening to you. And like I said when we first crashed here – we look out for each other. 'S what we do." Both were silent for a few seconds. It didn't need to be said that what they had both done took it to a whole other level than looking out for each other ever had. She looked up at him, the stream of questions still flowing. She would continue first with the ones he was most likely to answer. "So...you said something about a better plan for Zobulan that involved both Zerin and Shadarra?"
He nodded and elaborated. "Right after...talking with you last night, I first had an idea about human compatibility with Krendorians. So I took a few scans with the sonic of some of the people here. I thought if I could show that you and Zerin weren't even...compatible then I could put an end to all of this nonsense with that proof alone."
"And we weren't?" she assumed.
The Doctor paused. "Well...it's possible that you would be. But that's not all I found. In analyzing the data, I found that the genetic differences between the Jezrians and Krendorians are not that far off at all. With some races, say...Time Lords crossed with...another species, the differences are too great a barrier to overcome." In more ways than one, Rose thought to herself as the Doctor continued. "But that's not the case with the people of Zobulan. In fact, they are very, very similar. With just some slight gene manipulation, of which technology in the TARDIS infirmary is capable of bringing about, it's possible that the two would be compatible and able to reproduce."
Rose easily made the connection. "And that's where Shadarra comes in."
"Exactly. It's quite obvious that feelings existed between her and Zerin," he stated, leaving Rose to realize he wasn't always so thick about such matters after all. "And as it happens, when presented with this very likely possibility, the two were not at all opposed to the idea of a marriage – especially considering their union had the potential to result in something like this."
Rose furrowed her brow and shook her head. "But that's not fair to the two of them to be in the position of feeling like they had to be used for this."
The Doctor was a little amazed that she would be so generous toward them in seeing it that way considering the position she herself had been in. Though it was because of that she was able to empathize. "And it wasn't fair to you," the Doctor responded. "But the difference is Zerin and Shadarra wanted this. Shadarra wasn't told she had to do anything or would even have to bear Zerin a child. But they both wanted this union regardless. Zerin even admitted that he wanted to marry her whether they were able to have children or not. But, as it happened, with the incompatibility issues overcome, things just...naturally took place, as they often do between two people."
"Not always with all people," Rose murmured.
The Doctor cleared his throat. "No. Not always."
Both were quiet for a moment before Rose spoke again. "You talk about them being able to have a child and...things naturally taking place as if this already happened for them."
"Because it has," the Doctor explained. He shook his head with the type of wry smile only a Time Lord could manage. "Oh, there has been so much happening, Rose. All of which would have been absolutely impossible to achieve...unless one happens to have a time machine, which, of course, I do – even if she's not at her best. She's still amazing. And so, Zerin and Shadarra were quietly married. Quite legitimate, with trusted witnesses. With the TARDIS now semi-functional again, I was able to take them to the King's private estate in the Northern region. I asked Zerin if there was somewhere they could remain for a period of time in seclusion, and this was the most suitable place. Unless the King is in that region to take care of matters that might arise, the estate remains unoccupied and was the perfect out-of-the-way location to set them up for a little while and allow nature to take whatever course it may, something that couldn't have been done here under the circumstances. Nahlia accompanied them as well."
Despite the timey-wimey complexity, it was beginning to click for Rose. "Let me see if I've got this straight, then. You're gonna let them...be together long enough to produce this...history-making offspring between the two races, and then after enough time has passed, pick them up sometime in the future and bring them back here to the present again, aren't you?" It sounded a bit far-fetched if one wasn't accustomed to time travel, but considering this was the Doctor, the particulars of the plan (at least this part of the plan) were as simple as a Sunday drive.
He nodded, smiling slightly that she'd worked it out so quickly. "As I said before, the TARDIS is still a few days away from being able to travel without limitations, but as of yesterday she could manage distance, along with a small amount of time – a few months. And that was enough time to suffice. After taking them to the King's Northern estate in the present, I was then able to travel almost four months ahead to check on them and see if all this seemed as if it was really going to be possible, and Shadarra was already pregnant."
"So soon?" she asked in astonishment. Apparently the Doctor wasn't kidding when he said so much had been happening.
The Doctor pulled at his earlobe, not really wanting to get into how that was possible. It was obvious enough. "Well...like I said, some things just...naturally happen between two people. So it seems some...well...time alone together was all they needed." He cleared his throat, changing topics. "The TARDIS will have gained more strength and can travel even further tomorrow. When I pick them up again, it will have only been two days since they were here last, but for them a year will have passed. And considering Zerin and Shadarra began expecting rather...quickly, the child will have already been born. As for their future once they've returned, so long as they avoid the estate in the North for the next year, which I'll warn them must be done, then there will be no danger of them crossing their timelines, either."
Rose took a minute to ponder this sizable amount of information. "But will the people really accept this?" she questioned. "This isn't quite how their 'Ancient Legend' foretold that it would be, with the woman from a distant world marrying the favored King, and all that."
"But in a way, it still is though, isn't it?" the Doctor reasoned. "Not that I ever saw it as valid, but it could be said that you're the woman from a distant world who they had been awaiting, and right now, with Zerin's consent, I stand as King in the eyes of the people. And...well...we did just...um..."
If Rose wasn't already sitting, she would have needed to be. Her eyes went wide. "Are you sayin' the legend was about...us? All along...about us?"
The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck uneasily. "Well...I don't know if you could really say that such a legend was true in the first place – more like a self-fulfilling prophecy. And Zerin and Shadarra will of course be the ones in all this with lasting significance. But…you and I have played a part. What you and I have helped put into motion has the potential to actually bring lasting peace, which never would have happened if we had never come here, and we're now holding this position of maintaining stability while things are allowed to progress for Zobulan's true King and Queen. We just sort of...put an extra spin on their legend."
Rose just shook her head, trying to absorb it all.
"And trust me, Rose," he continued. "When the people of Zobulan see this child, this new royal line representing a complete joining of the two races, this will bring more unity to the two sides than a marriage between Zerin and anyone else ever could have." His lips curved upward slightly in satisfaction. "Can you just imagine the look on Eilam's face? For a wise Elder, he's not the one with all the answers. He wouldn't have believed or accept this until it had actually happened, though; which is exactly what has now been achieved." The Doctor drew a breath as he laid out the final plan. "So tomorrow, I'll hold an assembly in the morning and give word to the officials to call a gathering of the people at the Great Amphitheater. You can go on ahead with the Ruling Council and wait there to keep up the appearance of Zobulan's new Queen for just a bit longer while I take the TARDIS to pick up Zerin and Shadarra, along with their child. I'll arrive with them back in the present and everything will be revealed. We should then be able to leave here shortly thereafter. The TARDIS will still need a little extra care for the time being, but she'll be ready for travel away from here by then."
Rose thought it all over for a minute, one crucial point still not fully clear. "So why, if you had all this worked out, then why..." She glanced away, then brought her eyes directly back to his. "Why the wedding?" Rose paused, making sure this question was specific, no matter how foreign the words felt on her tongue to actually speak out loud. "Why did you marry me?"
The Doctor shifted a little on his feet as he stared down at them, the room suddenly feeling like it had compressed in size. Maybe it was just his lungs which had. "Well...to maintain stability on this planet until what's taken place with Zerin and Shadarra can be revealed since the anticipation of the people was rising with the wedding having already been announced, and also to keep Eilam satisfied so he wouldn't be thinking of ways to do you more harm if you didn't comply while this plan was put in motion behind the scenes. And...it came down to timing, really."
Just what every woman dreams of hearing, Rose thought dryly. Though considering she had married a Time Lord, maybe it was fitting for it to all be about timing in the end.
The Doctor cleared his throat and continued. "Like I said, the TARDIS was still a few days from full functioning capacity. After the traveling she did yesterday, it was going to take about a day and a half before she could travel again. I won't be able to bring Zerin and Shadarra back here until about midday tomorrow. And your wedding was set for today, so..."
"So there was no other choice," Rose finished.
He glanced down again at the floor, his voice quiet. "Well, I suppose everything is a choice. You chose to do it for me, and...I chose to do it for you."
Rose wished he would have looked at her in that moment so she could have seen into his eyes and maybe deciphered his emotions. After a pause, Rose moved ahead with one more of the easier questions. "How did you even do it? I mean...taking Zerin's place? You looked like Zerin when the wedding began. And then suddenly...you didn't. But it's like I'm the only one who can see it's really you. How?" she asked, still puzzled over this, though nothing the Doctor could say at this point would really surprise her.
The Doctor came closer and sat down beside her on the edge of the bed. He held up his wrist to display the silver crisscrossing marriage band. "With this. I implanted an undetectable perception filter within it. A perception filter can either mask what people see, or alter their perception of how it's seen. In this case it's allowing me to be perceived as having a different appearance. Using the King's appearance and voice as a template, I manipulated the filter to display Zerin's physical appearance and to lock the projection on to me, even from a distance before I was wearing it. It transforms the perception of the way I'm seen and even heard." The Doctor reached for Rose's own right hand, took it in his and gently lifted it. "And then I equipped this one with a dampening field calibrated to your psychic signature so that once I put this on you, and then I was physically in contact with the other to complete the link between the two, it would override the illusion of the perception filter and you could see my true form."
"You wanted me to know it was you," Rose said softly.
"Well, I suppose a woman should know who it is she's marrying," the Doctor replied lightly with a slight grin. Making light of this was the Doctor's failsafe, his Standard Operating Mode.
Rose lifted her eyes to his, and the weight within them pulled the superficial grin from his face. She couldn't just let him breeze over this, no matter how convoluted the circumstances were that brought it about. It meant something. Rose inhaled deeply, trying to form these words which felt so impossible on her tongue.
"And now we're married."
And here it was. "Technically," he agreed in a neutral tone, his expression carefully guarded.
And she hated it. Rose wanted him to show something to let her know if this meant anything to him at all. Because it certainly did to her. "Technically," she repeated tonelessly.
The Doctor stood back up. He took a few pacing steps before turning back. "I'm sorry, but I didn't see any other way, Rose. Unless you would have rather it had been Zerin."
Was he now showing...jealously? Rose would have given anything if she could have just read what it was he was feeling. "No, of course not. I–"
"Because unlike the marriage that was originally planned for you, you're not going to be held to this one," he finished.
So that was it, then. Rose slowly shook her head. "So we'll just...what? Pretend it didn't even happen?"
After a tense moment passed, he nodded once. "If you want. Or...before leaving here we can have the...marriage rescinded. It would take some time, though, to go through the proper steps and channels. If you want to leave right away once we're able, then there are other options. There are plenty of other places out there where we can..."
Rose's eyes that had drifted away snapped back to him. "What? Get a quick divorce?" she said, a hint of pain lacing the sarcasm in her tone.
The Doctor swallowed, fighting to maintain a neutral tone. A mere few days before, he never would have pictured them in such a position to be discussing these types of options. "Yes. We don't even have to do anything about it though, really. We can just...just go on and..."
"And act like it never happened in the first place?" she pressed. "Act like it didn't even mean anything?"
"If that's what you want," he answered, eyes not meeting hers.
Rose stood up, level with his gaze which drifted back to her. "What do you want, Doctor? For that matter what are you even feeling?"
He hesitated on a reply. He couldn't answer that question because he didn't have the answer. He had been fighting not to allow himself to feel in this, trying to take the safest path possible as he walked on glass. "Rose, this wasn't...it was never..."
"It wasn't planned and it wasn't initially by choice. Yeah, I know." She took a step closer to him.
Rose needed to say this. She needed for him to know. If they went on after this and pretended it never happened then so be it if that's the way it had to be. She couldn't force him to feel this was something more if he didn't see it that way. But she could not pretend like it meant nothing to her. And now that Rose was finally crossing that dividing line to say this she couldn't stop, and she didn't want to anymore. She had held back long enough. Years. She married him today. Rose had stood before him, looked him in the eyes and pledged herself to him, heart and soul, for the rest of her life. So if ever there was an appropriate time to let go and finally say these things it was now.
"But you know what, Doctor? I meant it. I meant those words I said to you. I thought I would have to stand up there today and force those words to someone I never meant to give them to, but they were not forced. My pledge to you, my vow...Doctor, I meant every word. And they were true long before I said them to you today."
The Doctor stood unmoving, his eyes wide and intense. He had struggled with the critical question of wondering just how much this had meant to her. Now there was no question, and nothing frightened him quite so much.
Rose could tell he was fighting so hard to hold back, and she wished desperately that he would just let go. Let go of something. Be it anger or repulsion or passion – something.
Her eyes remaining resolutely on his, Rose finished softly but intensely. "Now all I ask is this one thing. Did it mean anything to you? You've said yourself that words have power, they have meaning. We spoke vows to each other, Doctor. Did that mean anything to you? Please tell me this now, even...even if the answer is no."