Chapter 7 - Three Little Words

A/N: I'll be updating twice a week at least from now, maybe more if I get time. Leave me a review, even a word would do as they are always quite encouraging. Thanks for all the favorites and alerts. It means a lot.

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, Andrew W Marlowe and ABC are doing a damn good job with 'em.

It was 1:00 am in the morning and Castle was struggling with a bunch of keys, trying to get his front door to open. At last he was able to slip it in and rotate. The door clicked open and Castle stepped inside, his one hand holding his coat and the other around Beckett's waist. Apparently it had been an interesting evening which had led to a drinking game between Beckett and Esposito. Castle knew that she wasn't going to give up until she had beaten Esposito's pants off. Kate was going to have some serious headache but right now, she was just looking dazed and denying the fact that she was drunk.

'Kate... you had too much, let me get you some-' he said as he gently seated her on the couch, but was cut off.

'Nope Ricky, I'm fine!' she simply said in an energetic tone. She was trying to deny it, which was always her first instinct with everything.

'You're drunk' he said clearly.

'Prove it' she simply said, raising an eyebrow flirtingly at him.

'You called me ruggedly handsome before! You let me drive and you just called me Ricky' he said, looking at her with those beautiful blue eyes of his.

'Do you know you have gorgeous eyes?' she asked seriously, but soon her lips curved into a smile. His mouth opened in shock by what she'd just said though he was gloating. He tried to control himself.

'You are so drunk...' Castle said, looking at her amusingly.

'I'm not drunk, I'm just feeling beautiful...' she said, immediately standing up and resting both her hands on his shoulders. She loved to see him gasp as she touched him. Her lips were easily able to reach his ear lobe as she was still in her heels. She glided her moist lips along his cheek bone and bumped her nose with his, making him catch his breath.

'You- ughh, you want anything? Perhaps water?' he asked, trying to tilt his head back a little. He wouldn't be able to resist her if her lips came any closer to his. He could feel her warm breaths against his skin. The smell of her was making him go wild.

'I told you Rick... I just want you' she whispered, framing his face with her hands, her gaze slowly moving from his eyes to his deliciously pink lips. Her lips had already parted but his hand came between their bodies, not letting her lips come any closer to his.

'No it's not right, this... we need time to figure things out, I'm not sure about my feelings, I'm...' he started, raising his tone a little. He looked at her sullen face which was a while back filled with love and desperation.

'Do you love me Rick? Did you ever love me?' she asked with a straight face. This was getting serious and he just didn't want her to say something that she would regret later. He didn't want himself to do something that would prove deleterious to this relationship that they shared now.

'Let's take you to bed Kate... come on, we'll talk with a fresh mind...' he said, putting an arm around her, all ready to take her upstairs.

'No, we won't talk! I know we won't! Answer me first Castle!' she asked him demandingly. She wasn't going to let this go and Castle thought that if she wanted answers, he wasn't going to hold back anything.

'I did Kate! I loved you...but I thought you-' he continued, looking at her with tear filled eyes, but he was interrupted.

'Loved? You mean you don't love me... you're not in love... because I...' she tried to speak but tears trickled down her cheek in incessant stream washing away the words from her mouth. She felt Castle's hand on her wrist, he squeezed her hand but she just jerked her wrist, shaking his hand off of hers.

'Kate, it's not what I meant, let me finish, I still-' he started but was again interrupted by her.

'Love can't be past tense! If you love someone... it's either you always will or you never really did! You... you never did, I'm such a fool' she said, moving to the couch and dropping down in the bitter realization. Tears were making wet paths on her cheeks and she didn't care to wipe them.

'What on earth made you think that I don't?' Castle said, moving towards the couch and kneeling down, just before her.

'Katherine Beckett, I annoy you to see your adorable pout, I bring you coffee to see that dazzling smile, I shadow you to know you... whole of you' he said, putting both his hands on her knee. He continued, looking into her eyes again-

'I waited for you because I knew deep down that you would come back to me, I flirt with you to retain that spark that's there between us but I don't want to hold on to you this tight because I'm afraid... afraid I won't be able to let go...' he said, letting it all out. He lifted her drooping head, by raising her chin. He cupped her face and wiped the newly emerging tears with his thumb.

'Look at me Kate, with you, I'm a one and done type too but without you, I'm more the merrier type of guy...' he said, smiling at her. This really did make her smile and that smile was enough to make him sure of his feelings for her.

'Four years Kate... I guess I've loved you for four years and I'm still in love with you! It's growing with every passing day and I can just feel my heart getting heavier...' he was silenced by her lips on his. Their eyes closed shut as they kissed each other passionately. He nibbled on her upper lip while she worked on his lower. They were just kissing each other rigorously, trying to make up for the month, all at once. Slowly their lips parted and they explored each other's mouth, tasting each other, making each other moan. They were exhibiting their emotions, fears, craving, all at once by just a long kiss. Soon they parted gasping for breath and he wanted her to say those three little words he had been dying to hear since her shooting.

Kate was looking in those blue eyes of his, thinking of telling him face to face about how she feels.

'I..' she started, but the alcohol inside her was making her all sick suddenly. Maybe she really had too much to drink. She was feeling nauseous and was ready to throw up any moment. She tried again to say those words anyway.

'I..' but she couldn't. Though she was able to say three words before rushing to the bathroom but they weren't what Castle was waiting for.

'I feel sick'

Castle was a little disappointed but was smirking. He rushed after her to the bathroom, helping her in such rough times.

-CB –CB –CB –CB –CB

After throwing up, Kate actually felt light and better. Not bothering to climb the stairs, she and Castle and slipped into his bed only. It was morning and she could feel someone staring at her. She tried to open her eyes but the sun's glare was too much for her dilated eyes to handle. Rubbing her eyes a little, she tried to open them again, and she succeeded. The first thing to meet her eyes was him. His ruffled hair and dreamy eyes made her day. She realized at that very moment that she wanted this; she wanted to have every morning from now with him on her side. His sultry voice was all she wanted to hear now.

'Good morning Kate...' he said, giving her a peck on her lips. Short but enough to make her heart flutter.

'Morning Rick...' she said in one of the sweetest voice which earned her another peck on the lip. She could get used to this.

'So, how did you sleep?' he asked, looking at her beautiful face, scrutinizing even the slightest change in expression.

'Very well... very' she said, taking his hand and caressing it. But soon, it struck her; she wasn't totally honest with him. In order for this relationship to work, she had to tell him everything. Noticing the sudden change in her expression, Castle asked-

'You okay? Let me guess... you're not a cuddler, or wait, maybe you don't like the staring...' he tried to think of many ridiculous but adorable reasons which made it even more difficult for her to tell him the real one.

'No, I actually love cuddling and about the staring, I kinda find it creepily cute... it's something I want you to know...' she continued, tightening her grip on his hand. He gave it a slight squeeze, reassuring her that he's willing to listen.

'I saw you about four times last month...' she blurted out and waited for his reaction. But he was just looking at her expressionlessly. Coming out of a trance state, he asked her once again.

'I'm sorry... what?'

'I- uhh, I just wanted to see you Castle and you were the only reason... keeping me alive. After losing him, I lost track of who I was and you were my anchor, you were my dry land, whatever you may call it' she said, but she stopped because of the sudden loss of contact between their hands. He had pulled away. He needed time to process everything. He got up from the bed; her eyes followed him all the way up to his 'writing room'. He plugged out the laptop from charging and slowly walked towards her, sitting on her bed side. He opened a file and handed the laptop to her.

'That's how I was Kate, that's how you made me feel...' he said. Kate glanced at the email he had written but had not sent. She could actually hear his voice narrating those words aloud. She was just so sorry for all this but apologies weren't going to make things fine this time. After she was finished with the reading, she just closed the flap, unable to look at the screen again.

'I swear to God Castle, I will never leave you, I don't care about getting any closure anymore, it's like the distance has made me even clearer as to what my priorities are, and you are top on the list! I promise, I'll drop it, give the files to him if you want, I don't care' she said. She wasn't crying, she looked focused and determined and this surprised him. Castle was taken aback.

'When did you visit?' he asked, though his anger was melting slowly. He was a softie from inside.

'Twice when you were asleep... once when you were at your regular coffee shop, and once when you left your building, visiting my mother's grave? What was that for?' she asked. Somehow she couldn't figure out the reason for him visiting her mother's grave. He tilted towards her, looking at her with big shining eyes.

'I went to the grave to ask for forgiveness...' he continued.

'I wasn't able to stop you; I could've tried harder to find you... I needed to visit the place where it all started Kate... I hadn't visited the cemetery after the day you'd been shot, I decided that it was a place where I needed to be before I let go of you, whole of you... of all the dark memories which still haunted me, they had the same impact on me... just like you, I went to mourn, I went to let go off your mother's case, let go of your shooting, let go of you...' he softly said.

'Awh Castle, it was never your fault... it was entirely mine, first and last time, I'm so sorry... my mother would've loved you, actually she would've shouted at me for leaving you...' Kate said, slowly taking his hand again. He didn't pull away.

'You wouldn't have left if she was here...' he said, giving out a smile.

'Fair enough...' Kate said, and she just couldn't stop the smile that was creeping on her face now. She was looking at their intertwined hands when Castle broke the silence.

'And I don't want you to give up on that bastard when we are so close... I just want you to accept the fact that you have someone here willing to stand with you, and it's absolutely his choice...'

'Noted...' Kate said, bringing his hand to her lips, planting a kiss on the back of his hand. She just opened the flap of the laptop again and opened his account.

'What are you doing?' he asked, looking at the screen. He had no idea what she was up to now.

'Also one more thing, you need to stop with these spontaneous...OH!' he ended his sentence when he saw her delete that email. That's how it should be in life; one should only keep the sweet memories and forget all about the bitter ones. Complications and obstacles are a part of living but overcoming those obstacles is actually the art of living.

'Now before something interrupts me, I'm going to say it... Richard Castle I'm in...' she started but was now interrupted by his vibrating and beeping phone. Kate just looked at it with distaste and so did Castle.

'This one is going to get crushed, stomped and smashed by me...remember that!' Kate said, with tightly clenched teeth.

Castle couldn't control his laughter this time. Sliding his finger on the touch screen he uttered – 'Castle'

'It's Ryan... I just want to tell you that tomorrow's the day, I've got all we need, we'll put the plan to action in the evening, that'll not attract attention... and I've informed Gates. So umm, you and Kate meet me in the black van which will be parked a few blocks away, Espo will take his position by then, and don't fiddle with the wire Castle. Got it?'

'Got it... and Ryan the...' he looked at Beckett who was staring at him. Ryan got the hint.

'Don't worry, she won't make a move until you give the signal, she'll be monitoring you two with me so, all the best! Meet me tomorrow at 6, okay?'

'Kay!'

'Don't fiddle!'

'RYAN!'

With that Ryan kept the phone down. He always got paranoid and both Kate and Castle knew that. Castle just wished for things to go smoothly tomorrow.

'So tomorrow 6 pm, we have to meet Ryan who'll be a few blocks away in a black van...' Castle updated Beckett, leaving out the part about Gates.

'Hmm...' was all she was able to say as she curled up to him and tugged her face against his chest. Castle moved his hands through her hair thinking how things were going to play out tomorrow. Both knew that whenever things looked good, something always came up to break them apart but this fight they were going to fight together.

-CB –CB –CB –CB –CB

Castle and Beckett were again and again playing in their head how things were going to go down tomorrow. The whole day went by with them eating, moving to and fro in the house, comforting each other but nothing seemed to work. When it was night, they decided to sleep in the same room as none wanted to face the loneliness. Kate was sleeping with her back brushing Castle's chest. His face was resting against her neck and she could feel his warm breath massaging her skin. His hands were encircled around her waist. He was sleeping quietly. Kate wasn't able to sleep without saying those three words to him. She tried to move a little, hoping he would wake up but she stopped. She didn't want him to think she was uncomfortable with the cuddling. She called out his name at last.

'Castle...'

'Mmm?' was all he was able to say. He was just so comfortable. Thank god he wasn't deep asleep.

'I need to tell you something...' she softly spoke.

'Please don't tell me now that you're FBI or wait... you're a double agent?' he said in sleep. Kate just smiled. He was such a kid.

'It's actually what I feel...' she let it out.

'I can untangle myself if you're feeling hot or maybe raise the temperature a little if it's getting cold...' he blurted out again with his eyes still closed.

'Listen Castle!' that definitely got his attention.

'Okay, what now?' he asked, still not opening his eyes but full attention on her.

'I feel free, the wall's down, you're here and all songs make sense' she said happily. Castle knew where this was going. He didn't interrupt though his eyeballs moved and eyelashes lifted a little.

'Castle, Rick... I love you...' with that she waited for him to say something but she got her answer as he pulled her closer to his chest and tucked his head into the crook of her neck. He placed a kiss on the L of her neck and just whispered.

'Always...'

Now she could sleep peacefully, with the man she loved sleeping near her.

Phew! This one was tough. Hope you liked it. Just tell me, even a line or a word will make my day. :) Writer, reader or Guest, your thoughts matter!