50 people have read my story, and no reviews. Makes me sad. Well in any case, here's another chapter. How you enjoy.
Barbara POV
I put the blanket onto the couch and pull myself into the old recliner. He's my guest, I may live in a shithole, but he deserves the nicest thing I have. He watches me and I curl my legs into the chair. I can tell he doesn't like it, but he doesn't say anything about it. He grabs one of my legs and starts rubbing life back into it again.
"There used to be a lot of pictures in here, why did you get rid of them?" He seems sad like I'd throw them away.
"They were all of us, standing in Bruce's garden, swinging, going to prom, dancing. I can't do those things anymore, and it made me sad." I look down and he continues rubbing, more for something to do with his hands than to help me at this point.
"Did you throw them away?" I knew he'd think I had.
"No, I put them away in the cedar chest, with family heirlooms, my batgirl costume, and a few other things. Stuff I'll never use again, like high heeled shoes or lingerie." He nods quietly and continues to work on my legs. From the tops of my thighs all the way down to my toes and heels.
"There is always an excuse for lingerie." He smiles at me playfully. I think he's just trying to make me feel better. He's not interested, obviously. Who would be. I'm a mess.
"That part of my life is over."
"If you say so, Babs. I thought it all looked pretty good on you." I can tell he is trying to make light of a horrific situation, but come on Dick, who wants a skinny girl in a wheelchair.
"I don't look the same as I did." I try really hard to sound optimistic and joking, but I choke on the lump in my chest. It hurts to think that I'll probably never have sex again. Never feel that warm cuddle afterwards, never feel that beautiful again.
"Well, I still think you're beautiful." He smiles, I can tell he doesn't want to push it, doesn't want to give me the wrong idea. He's just a nice guy saying nice things. What he is trying to say is, "Someone out there will think you're beautiful."
I pull my legs away from his hands and curl up in the cozy laz-e-boy chair. I sleep like this every night, curled into a ball with my arms around my knees. I can't feel my legs, so when I sleep all spread out like I used to I'll wake up in the middle of the night in a panic thinking they're not even there anymore.
He notices immediately of course, but he decides to keep it to himself. He lays down on the couch and pulls the blanket that we used to always sleep with when we dated over him. I always keep the air on because I'd rather be cold than hot any day and changing the temperature is such a hassle.
"It's cold in here, Barbara." I laugh a little, how odd for me. To laugh.
"Yeah, I can't reach the thermostat, and it's a hassle to change so I just keep it at 55 degrees all the time."
"I can turn it up if you want, then I'll turn it back down when I leave." I can hear him shivering.
"Yeah, as long as you promise to put it back down, I'll be screwed otherwise." He laughs.
"I promise to change it back." He stands up and turns it up to our normal 68 degrees. It immediately feels better.
"Thanks Dick. Night."
"Yeah, sweet dreams." It's the first time we've ever slept in the same room and not said I love you to each other… I still love him. I just wish I could say it, like it isn't obvious.
THE NEXT NIGHT
I wake up half expecting Dick to be long gone, but I was wrong. He is still sound asleep on the couch. It's 7 pm, soon we will have to go to work, but for now maybe I'll try making some "breakfast." I'm feeling baked goods, but I've never done it in a wheelchair. I used to be a wonderful baker… I'll have to try at some point.
I go to the pantry and pull down fixings for blueberry muffins. I mix the ingredients in my lap since the counter is just a bit to high and then use the coffee table to pour the batter into a muffin pan. Dick hasn't stirred, which is nice because I want him to see that I'm doing okay and that there is no need to go telling my dad or Bruce how I live.
I pop them in the oven, and in 14 minutes the timer goes off and they're done. I reach in very carefully with a gloved hand and pull them out. Perfect, just the way I always make them. I get out blueberry syrup and make coffee while they set and cool. Just then Dick walks into the kitchen.
He smiles down at me, "for me?" He puts on his best flattered look.
"Yeah, I suppose I just felt like baking." I shrug , but can't help but smile because he likes the.
"I love it when you bake, it smells like home in here again." He starts to eat feverishly. It's weird, making breakfast at 7 at night. I'm not used to it anymore.
He's all smiles, pouring sticky blueberry syrup all over them then shoving the whole muffin in his mouth. "These are amazing Babs, I'd walk a million miles for some of these." I can't help but full on grin.
"Well, lucky for you, you just have to walk across town." He smiles back at me and pops the last on his 10 in his mouth. I finish my second and then get wipees to the clean the counter and hand one to Dick.
"What's this for?" I laugh at him, it feels so nice to laugh.
"Your face, silly. It's everywhere. You wont look very intimidating as batman with a blue smile." He wipes around his mouth, but he missed some on the very tip of his nose. I grab the wipey and he leans down to me, he must know it's there. I get it for him and he smiles. I smile shyly back.
"I'm not very intimidating anyway, not like Bruce." He smiles softly, but I can hear just a hint of sadness.
I smile, "You'll be a wonderful Batman. Very scary." The sadness goes away.
"We better get going before Bruce starts to worry."
"Yeah, there are still some of your clothes in the closet if you want to change."
"I'll just wear these, I'll be in the Batsuit in no time anyway."
"I'll just shower and then I'll be ready." He nods and turns on some television, I hate showering now, I used to love it, but now it is just such a chore. I would die of happiness if this dreary place had a bathtub. I had a dream last night about a Jacuzzi tub. I turn on the water, and pull myself over the backed stool that sits directly under the water. After about 20 minutes I hear a knock.
"Babs, are you okay in there?" I sigh, saw this one coming.
"Yeah, I'm fine, you would know if I fell."
"Alright, if you need anything just let me know okay."
"I need an apartment with a bathtub!"
"I could arrange that you know?" I smile, he'd give me the world, as long as he didn't need to feel guilt over me.
"Yeah, I'll live without one." I try to move back into my chair, but I slip and fall, I hit the ground with my hip, hard. I hear him knock again.
"Babs? You okay?"
"Yeah, just fell, I'll be fine." I heave myself back into my chair and feel the sore spot where I landed. I must thank Susan, she put in a soft cushion thing on the floor of my shower just for this reason, if I fall it doesn't hurt as much.
I struggle with my clothing for about 15 minutes before everything is finally on and in place. I open the bathroom door and Dick is right there, worried and waiting.
"Dick, I'm fine, this is a daily struggle for what's left of my beauty." I try to smile, but it's back to being hard. For a few hours I almost forgot about my life. But tonight, I'll be here again, alone. And Dick with be walking around without me.
"You're beautiful, Babs. Try not to forget it."
"Alright." We get down to his car and he insists on hauling me into it and then hauling me out, which I don't mind, but I could have easily taken the bus and he wouldn't have had to do anything for me. We walk into Wayne Manor together and Bruce smiles like he knew we would show up together. Little does he know that nothing has changed.