Okay, third chapter, little long and sad this time. Hope you enjoy it, PM and review.

BUTTER'S POV:

After an incredibly long make-out session, Ruta went home. I can't believe it's already Monday. Ah, fuck. I feel like shit. I must have a cold or something. I better call Ruta, tell her I won't be at school today.

"Hi, Butters."

"Hey, Ruta. I'm not feeling too good so I won't be at school today."

"Oh. Do you want me to come over and look after you?"

"Nah, I'm okay. I'll just stay in bed for a while."

"Okay, I'll come and check on you after school."

"Fine. I'll see you later, Ruta."

"Kay, love you, Butters."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone and felt a smile forming in the corner of my mouth. It still felt weird saying it but I'm glad I said it. I might just go over to her house and talk to Ricky. Anythings better than moping around the house.

I grabbed a hooded sweatshirt and pulled it on. It had started to snow again. I hate South Park weather.

I trudged down the road, hoping Ricky would be there. Him and Clyde had got the week off from school. There was no reason, they just didn't want to go to school. Ricky doesn't really have any friends so I don't blame him for wanting to spend as much time with Clyde as possible.

I sniffed heavily and wiped my sleeve across my nose. I eventually got to Ricky's place and knocked on the door. I just hope they aren't having a uh, private moment. I heard footsteps and a slight childish whine. Clyde.

Ricky opened the door, dressed in a black shirt, black skinny jeans and a grey scarf, with a few leather wristbands on.

"Oh, hey, Leo. Ruta's not here."

"I know, I called to tell her I wouldn't be in school 'cos I'm sick."

"Oh. Well, do you wanna come in or something?"

"Yeah, I came over to talk to you anyway."

I stepped in and saw Clyde sat on the couch. He gave me a half-hearted wave and I gave one back.

I followed Ricky into the kitchen after he ran his hand across Clyde's cheek and kissed him. He sat down at the table and sighed, putting his elbow on it and his hand on his chin. I sat down and rubbed my nose before Ricky asked me a question.

"So, why do you want to talk to me?"

"Well, me and Ruta have been together for like..."

"3 months."

"Yeah, and I like being with her but it's not going anywhere. I mean, we don't go past kissing but I don't want to push her into doing something she's not ready to do."

"Well, you can just masturbate and get any tension out of your system."

"I can't."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't jacked off since I got together with Ruta."

"3 months? Fucking kudos."

"Yeah, well, I can't hold it in much longer. I'm actually shaking, look." I lifted my hand and stretched out my hand, showing off the very mild quivering my hand was doing.

"You just have to ask Ruta if she wants to take things to the next level."

"But I don't want her to take it the wrong way and dump me or something."

"You just have to take a chance. She'll either want to or she'll dump you."

"Should I call her or wait for her to come see me later?"

"Up to you." He said, taking a sip of his coffee.

I bit my lip and reached into my pocket. I grabbed my phone and called her. This could destroy our relationship or make it even better.

"Hey, Butters. What's up?"

"Hi, Ruta. Um, when you come over to my house later, do you wanna try uh... like, um..."

"He means sex!" Ricky yelled towards my phone.

"Was that Ricky?"

"Yeah."

"And was sex what you were trying to say?"

"Yeah..."

"Butters, I thought sex didn't matter to you. I thought you just liked being with me."

"Sex doesn't matter, it's just, we've been together for three months and we're going nowhere."

"I just really don't want to have sex."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to, Butters. I just want to be in a relationship where sex doesn't affect anything."

"Look, Ruta, I love you and I want to show how much I love you."

"Well, if you think sex is a romantic gesture, then you obviously haven't listened to a single word I've said since we got together."

"Ruta, sex isn't important, I just I want our relationship to have a sexual element."

"I'm sorry, Butters, but I don't."

She hung up the phone. That monotonous tone, signalling the end of us. I put my phone down on the table and buried my head in my hands.

I was sad but I wasn't crying. Maybe my feelings weren't real. Maybe they were just mixed up with my feelings for her as friend. Maybe I was in love with the notion of being in love.

"I'm sorry, Leo." Ricky said, putting his hand on mine.

"Don't be." I said, faking a smile.

Clyde walked in, looking even sadder than me. He put his hand on shoulder and tryed to be comforting.

"Are you okay, Leo?"

"Sorta."

"I guess this is for the best."

"Yeah."

"I just hope you don't blame me for this." Ricky said, with a slight catch in his throat.

"No, I don't blame you at all. You gave me some really good advice and I took a chance."

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about your four month-iversary now." Clyde said, trying to cheer me up.

"Heh. Yeah." I smiled slightly.

"Where are you gonna go from here, Leo?"

"I don't know."

"I think you should just skip right over this. Don't dwell on it. Just do something to take your mind off it. Try asking someone else out, try writing poetry or try painting."

"That's a good idea. I'm sure Craig isn't doing anything."

"Craig?"

"Yeah, Craig."

"But I thought you were straight."

"I was bi, but now, I don't know, I just feel gay."

"Is Craig gay?"

"I'm not sure. Although no-one really is."

"Good point."

"I don't think you should be alone, Leo. Why don't you just stay here for a while?"

"Alright."

Clyde exited the kitchen with a slight twirl.

This has all happened so quick.

At least I can be myself now.

No more fear.