Cursed to Relive

Chapter 5

Reunion

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.

Lily bit her lip as she stood before the whitewashed door, complete with a small plaque that said 'Petunia Caroline Evans' Room, All Little Sisters KEEP OUT'; the part about 'Little Sisters' had been added after the day of the 'incident', the incident that Lily regretted now more than anything. Petunia's dislike of her was just another one of the changes that had happened since that day, along with her now being home-schooled and her mother always looking at her strangely...

It had been almost two months since her sister had told her that she would never speak to her again, and she had certainly kept her word; she only spoke to Lily now when she had no other choice, such as at the dinner table or when she was made Lily's 'caretaker' for the evening.

It wasn't like Lily could blame her, as she HAD broken the leg of Petunia's 'Mr. Right', but that didn't stop her from wishing that Petunia would speak to her again. She really, truly missed her sister...

This was why Lily was standing in front of her sister's bedroom door, her tiny fist raised to knock on it; it was so that she could talk to Petunia and make her forgive her, refusing to back down until she had regained her elder sister's friendship and love. 'But what if she won't? What if she doesn't want to forgive me? I...I think it was an accident, but what if she doesn't believe me? What if she NEVER forgives me...?'

Lily shuddered at the very thought, terrified that this would only hurt her more. Nevertheless, she knocked anyway; nothing good would ever come from not doing anything, nothing good at all...

"What is it? Mum, is that you?" Petunia's voice came through the door, seeming rather tired.

Nervous, Lily replied with a slight stutter, "N-no, It's me, your sister Lily. Could...could we talk?"

There was no reply, but soon the door opened a crack; Petunia's narrowed eyes appeared through the gap between door and wall, coldly surveying her sister. Scowling, Petunia nodded, still not saying a word.

She was clearly still keeping her promise not to speak to her younger sister.

Lily opened her mouth, then closed it again, not sure what to say. It was even harder in person than it had seemed when she had been planning this out in her room, talking it over with Betsy.

Nearly a minute passed, during which Petunia drummed her fingers on the doorframe, neither her or Lily speaking. Apparently, she had been busy doing her homework, as a pencil was perched on her ear and her desk-light was on. It made Lily feel even more awkward, as she hadn't intended to interrupt her...

"Well!?" Petunia's voice interrupted Lily's thoughts, speaking brusquely. "I don't have all day, so if you have nothing to say..."

"I'm sorry!" Lily burst out suddenly in a wail, surprising even herself. "I didn't mean it! I didn't like Jeremy, but I didn't wanna hurt him like that! I'm sorry, so sorry... Please forgive me, please Tuney..." As Lily spoke the last, she fell to her knees, unable to support her own weight. She couldn't stop herself from crying...

It seemed to have an effect though, as Petunia's face softened and her eyes misted over. She looked away though, putting the bedroom door between her and her sister; this caused Lily to fear that she wouldn't be forgiven, not even after that, so she called up to her. "Please! Please, Tuney!"

"Alright..." Petunia's voice seemed muffled slightly. "I...I'll forgive you, Lily. You are my sister and all, so I'll forgive you," Her voice suddenly turned rather sharp. "But you'd better not do it again! I don't want anymore friends running away from me thanks to my 'freak of a sister', OK!? Jeremy was more than enough, thank you very much!"

Although hurt a little bit by the 'freak' comment, Lily nonetheless responded quickly, "I promise, Tuney, it won't happen again. I'll never hurt anybody with 'it' again, I swear... Just promise me that you'll be my sister again..." Lily whispered the last bit.

Petunia turned back, causing Lily to see the tears making tracks down her own cheeks. Sniffling, she threw her arms around Lily and said, "I promise, Lily. You'll always be my sister. Always..."

Clutching her sister to her, Lily cried tears of happiness.

This was the best day she had had in weeks...

'Well, today has been quite strange.' Severus mused to himself idly as he watched the sun slowly begin to sink from it's high-point, leaning idly against the wooden door-frame to the practically-ancient grocery store his mother had chosen to visit. 'Good perhaps, but strange.'

It wasn't like Severus had expected his trip with his mother to be a nightmare or anything, but he hadn't expected to really enjoy it either; it was just a pair of Knickerbocker Glories between the two of them, bought and eaten at a rather dingy old shop before they went to the store. It had been simplistic, mundane, boring...and he had found himself rather content, even mildly happy.

Eileen had taken the time to talk to Severus, talk to him in that strange way she had started doing in the past several weeks; it wasn't anything truly weird, like aliens or whatnot, but she had been asking him questions about...his life. It was stuff like what he was up to when they weren't watching programs together, if he had any friends he wanted to spend time with or if he wanted her to try owling some of her old school chums and see if they could set up a 'play-date'--when he had learned that one of those old school chums was the mother of James Potter, he had immediately vetoed that idea.

Barely paying attention as a strangely-familiar overweight man crossed his field of vision, Severus chuckled in remembrance. At the time, he had actually found himself having to try as hard as he could to keep himself from giving the woman a sharp, stinging retort, yet in hindsight it had been...rather nice. Of course, his mother didn't known that he wasn't really ten years old, in spite of the size of his body; he didn't need to have friends like other boys his age, nor did he intend to go looking for them.

Yet...it had been pleasing to know that she had taken the time to ask him that sort of question, even if it had been rather silly. In neither of his lives had she done such a thing, never bothered him about Lily or his 'friends' at school, unless he asked her first...so why was she doing it now? 'At least it's one thing going right...unlike what's happening between her and Tobias...'

Severus could feel a frown settle onto his face, and he sighed heavily at the thought. He hadn't hoped for much good to come from that awfulnight that his mother had nearly died, not wanting to get ahead of himself...but it had been worse than he had expected, not a lot worse, but worse nonetheless.

It was like now that that had happened, Tobias no longer really had to pretend to care for his wife, beyond that which was expected by law. He wasn't particularly cruel, save for when he got particularly drunk, something which even he always regretted afterward. He just didn't love her, not in the way she seemed convinced he did...

Severus balled a hand into a fist, glaring down at it angrily. This was...pathetic. 'It's almost like it'd be better off if I didn't exist. All I've managed to do is accelerate the death of my parents' marriage. Not that that's particularly surprising, considering how I've never been able to do anything right!' Severus fumed to himself, hating how every time that he tried to accomplish something, it was a complete and utter failure.

Suddenly he paused, letting his hands relax again as he calmed himself down 'Well, I guess not everything was a failure. Harry...at least that was something I did right. If it weren't for me, then perhaps...no NOT perhaps, he WOULD have died if it weren't for my actions-'

"Err, what are you doing?"

Severus froze, both mentally and physically, with eyes widening grotesquely. 'That voice... It can't be!'

"I said: what are you doing?" The voice spoke in a mildly exasperated way, one which he recognized even after more years than he cared to remember. Slowly turning, he saw the face of Lily Evans peering curiously down at him as he leaned back against the wall behind him.

Unable to speak in anything more than a whisper, Severus said, "I'm uh...it's nothing, nothing really." It was strange; even though she was only nine, and wasn't the beautiful young woman of his dreams that she had always been in his imagination, Severus found himself rather tongue-tied. Perhaps it was because this was the first time he had seen her in a very long time indeed...if one didn't count the time in the park, which he didn't as he had been too stunned to really think about the fact that he was seeing-

"You looked like you wanted to punch the bloody walls because they had stolen your sunlight. I hardly think that that's 'nothing'," Lily said, an amused giggle audible in her voice. "By the way, I'm Lily Evans. Nice to meet you! What's your name?"

Severus frowned at that. Normally, he would have been irked at how someone was trying to nose into his business, probably giving them a good tongue-lashing for their troubles, but Lily--and his mother to a lesser extent--had always been immune to that for some reason. Still, he was embarrassed to have been caught in the midst of his pondering, so he said coolly, "I believe that that's for me to know...and you not to know. Please don't bother me about it again."

For whatever reason, Lily didn't seem annoyed in the slightest. Her smile only widened as she spoke, her hair seeming to glow in the sunlight, seeming perfectly in harmony with her flower-patterned blouse. "Well, that's rather rude of you, Mr..." She frowned. "...Er, what was your name? You didn't say."

Before he could even stop himself, as he knew that telling her was a mistake, Severus replied. "Severus Snape. It's...nice to meet you."

"Severus? That's a strange name. Still, it's nice to meet you too!" Beaming, Lily offered him her hand, which he accepted hesitantly.

"Charmed..."

"So, your father is one of the millworkers, correct?"

"And is there anything wrong with that?" The boy said coldly, giving Lily a hardened sort of look with his perfectly-black eyes. Severus then took a step back and crossed his arms defiantly, seeming as if he were almost daring her to say 'yes'.

Holding out her hands, palms flat, Lily tried to placate him. "No...it's just that my dad...well he works there too, as a foreman, you know? I was wondering if maybe they'd met before..." She mumbled the last bit, glancing once at her trainers, before returning to meet his eyes coolly. "It wasn't like I was trying to insult him or anything!"

The dark-eyed boy's eyes softened slightly, and he mumbled an apology, "I...I fo-didn't know. Sorry..." He paused for a moment, then asked in a quieter tone of voice, "Your dad...how's he doing anyway? I mean, I heard that the mill's in a bit of trouble from my...nevermind, I think he's probably in a different mill..." His voice trailed off for a moment.

"How about your sister?" Severus asked suddenly, dark eyes looking at her intensely. "Are things going well with her? You said something about some...squabbles?" He said the last word in a tone that suggested that he were sucking on vinegar, and his mouth's sneering gave a similar impression. She could hardly blame him, having been telling him about how Petunia had been ignoring her.

Lily smiled at that thought, pleasantly reminded of how she had made up with her sister that morning, and surprised at the thoughtfulness of the boy. She had only mentioned her sister once, when she was trying to get the boy to come out of his shell, yet he had seemed to notice that the two of them had been having a hard time getting along without even asking.

From what she had seen so far, Severus Snape was quite possibly the most ornery boy that Lily had ever had the displeasure to meet...barring perhaps Jeremy Tibbit, and Jeremy had hated her. Severus was rude, snappish and generally quarrelsome, to a frankly absurd degree, yet he cared enough to ask her about her sister after only a short, passing comment about the girl.

Smiling, Lily cleared her throat awkwardly. "We're fine, actually. In fact, she's going to take me out for ice cream the day after tomorrow... Don't tell my dad though; he's planning on treating me tonight, so..."

Severus looked at her strangely for a moment, then he seemed to snort, before turning it into a deep, full-bodied albeit-nervous laugh. Smirking, he then said, almost lazily, "Perhaps, but I don't think it will be necessary. What do you think, Mr. Evans?"

Lily turned halfway around, an apology on her lips, before she remembered that the smirking boy had never met her father before and thus wouldn't recognize him to begin with. Putting her hands on her hips, she gave him her best glare, retorting angrily, "That was NOT funny!" However, she could feel her lips quirking into a small grin even as she said this, giving the lie to her furious words. After all, even if the joke had been on her, it had been a very good trick.

"Well, I'm glad to see you find my brand of humor so intriguing, Miss Evans." Although he was in a rather poorly-made, old brown sweater and a set of beat-up trousers, he nevertheless bowed gracefully with perfect, albeit mocking, formality. Lily had to laugh at this; it was almost like watching one of those dogs in sweaters she saw during the winter at the house of that odd family down the stree. It was just so odd that it was humorous.

The boy blushed pink as he laughed with her, although Lily could sense that he was uncomfortable about this. Still, Lily couldn't help the smile playing across her lips as she watched the boy in front of her, him sitting in the shadow cast by the roof overhead.

It seemed that she had been mistaken when she had thought that he was just a rude, angry little boy. Sure, he was rude, and most definitely irksome, but it didn't seem to be out of a desire to be cruel or anything. Really, he seemed more afraid than vicious, although of what Lily could not say. Smiling, Lily said warmly, "Severus, would...would you like to..." She fumbled her words, unsure of what to ask him. "...hang out again sometime?"

He didn't look at her, but Lily could almost feel a sense of surprise as he mumbled his answer, "I'd...like that...?"

Although he seemed to phrase it as a question, Lily couldn't help but feel a sudden outburst of joy, and she had to restrain herself from giving the strange boy a giant hug. It seemed that today everythingwas going right, first Tuney, then this boy...and later there would be ice cream with her father!

Speaking of whom, Lily heard a throat being cleared behind her. Turning around, she saw her father standing there, an almost-warm smile on his rather-pasty face. He spoke kindly, but she could see a look of worry in his eyes as they seemed to fasten on her. "Lily, I'm afraid that we'll have to get going if you want to have ice cream with me tonight. The store closes in just a little bit after all."

After a moment, during which the boy seemed to dim almost perceptibly, Severus nodded slowly. He then said hesitantly, quietly, "Um, it was very nice meeting you, Lily. I guess I'll...see you around...?"

Lily would have answered 'yes' in an instant, but Richard beat her to it. "I think that that would be just fine, Mr...Severus was it? We'll have to schedule it... Unfortunately, Lily and I need to get going now." And before Lily could protest, her father had grabbed her by the arm and was starting to lead her away. The boy seemed to be rather crushed by this, and for some reason that made Lily feel positively awful. She felt like she just had to do something about it.

Pulling her arm out of her father's, Lily tried to walk back, but he immediately grabbed her by the shoulder. "Dad, what's wrong, why can't I-"

"Lily," Richard spoke quickly, his worried voice interrupting her as he continued to almost drag her to the car. "In case you haven't noticed, the flowers on your shirt are growing. You can call him tomorrow, but for tonight, you've got to get home before somebody sees you." He seemed to pause for a moment, before saying in a much calmer tone of voice, "But if you don't mind staying in the car for a moment, I am going to make sure that I get you some ice cream before we get home. I did promise you after all..."

Although feeling a tad bit of unease as she finally noticed the red and yellow roses on her shirt had somehow turned real, starting to blossom, Lily was cheered up by the thought of having the promised ice cream with her father. She would just have to make sure that she called Severus tomorrow; she couldn't tell him about 'it' yet, but maybe she could apologize for her leaving in a different way? It couldn't hurt, could it?

It wasn't until she went to bed, snuggling deep into the blankets and sheets, that Lily finally remembered that she had forgotten to ask the boy his telephone number.

'Well, that was just great.' Severus thought sarcastically to himself as he watched Lily and her father drive away in the yellow VW Bug of which her father had always been so fond. 'I wouldn't have been surprised if it were Petunia or Marigold acting like that, but Richard...' He growled slightly at the thought.

Mr. Evans had never been particularly outspoken, but Severus had always thought the older man to be rather fond of him; even after he and Lily were no longer on speaking terms, Severus still received a card for Christmas and his birthdays from Richard until the day the Evans family patriarch had passed on. It made it particularly painful that with all the people who didn't want him to be friends with Lily from the beginning, Richard was apparently one of them.

'Well, at least Lily's happy...' Severus tried to console himself, kicking a nearby stone and sending it skittering away as he did so. It did help, knowing that he had at least had some good effect on this...reality; it meant that he had caused some good, even if was just by not being there. Still though, he almost wished that she had been truly miserable without him, as by her being better off without him meant that his whole lifetime with her had been... 'A waste. It was all just a waste.'

Sighing noisily, he then turned and prepared to walk inside the store; he had waited for Eileen to be finished with her shopping long enough, and he really wasn't in the mood to do anything but head home and collapse into his bed. His small surprise, small happiness at seeing Lily again, alive and happy...it had been turned to ashes by the crushing weight of the knowledge that she was far better off without him. 'It's not like I didn't suspect it, but it still hurts.'

Entering the small grocery store, Severus quickly found his mother; it appeared that he had only been a little bit early, as she was already starting to check out, her shopping completed. As such, he knew he would only have to wait a few minutes. Sighing again, he leaned against the door-frame and tried not to think about what had already happened, failing miserably.

'What is really the point if it all?' Severus asked himself despondently as he watched the clerk tally up his mother's purchases. 'I'm not going to make the mistake of causing Lily's death like last time whether I live or not, Lily's clearly happier without me, and my parents' marriage has only accelerated in its collapse since I've returned...'

Indeed, at that moment, the slight happiness that he had felt earlier seemed to have been nothing more than a silly little dream, only serving as a momentary obstacle to the horrible truth...

However, his thoughts were interrupted as a young boy with shaggy brown hair looked at him curiously, then slowly walked up to him. Merely a few feet from Severus, he stopped, giving Severus an odd look before turning to stare at his feet.

'What's he want?' thought the former Slytherin suspiciously as the boy simply stood there awkwardly. Even as Severus stared at him incredulously, greatly annoyed at the disruption, the boy simply stood there. 'Why doesn't he just leave me be!?' shouted Severus mentally, just wanting to get home and not have to deal with any more people for the rest of the evening.

Finally though, just as Severus was about to stalk away angrily, the boy said in a hesitant whisper, "Err, hi, I'm Steph-"

"Go away." interrupted Severus, his voice flatter than a vinyl record. He didn't have time to deal with this...this foolishness. He had already had far too much trouble for one day; he didn't need to deal with some foolish child's bleating.

The boy looked up at Severus in surprise."But...I was ju-"

"What part of 'Go away' don't you understand, boy!?" thundered Severus, already too annoyed to care much for keeping his 'cover', not that the boy was likely to remember anyway. "Leave me be, you complete and utter IMBECILE!"

Stumbling back, the boy burst into tears, running away as Severus gave him one of his most vicious glares. 'That got rid of him.' thought Severus to himself, ignoring the vague sense of guilt he felt as he stomped angrily over to where his mother had checked out. 'I just wish that people would leave me alone!'

Unfortunately, that seemed the only wish he ever made that came true, just as it had for the last twenty-odd years of his life...

"...You're not going to end up in Azkaban. You're too...you're too nice." spoke the small boy, almost ten years of age, red suffusing his face as he almost whispered the last part of his sentence. Unable to look the girl beside him in the eye, he went back to shredding leaves, crouching in such a way that it seemed as if he were about to bolt any second.

However, the green-eyed redhead beside him only giggled slightly, causing him to relax slowly. "Thanks, Sev, that was very nice of you. I'm glad you think so well of me." She then paused, before saying quietly, a smile on her face, "I think you're nice too."

The boy blinked in shock, then slowly started to smile. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the sound of cracking branches and crackling leaves behind him. Whirling around, he saw Petunia sitting there, pink-faced with her mouth slightly ajar. He simply sat there, unable to speak as Lily greeted her sister with a shouted "Tuney!" She had seen him. Petunia Evans had been watching as he told Lily he thought she was nice, special, kind...

...and that was alright with him. Lily thought he was nice...so it didn't matter what Petunia Evans thought about him.

Nodding as his smile grew slightly, he turned to the blonde girl and said "Hello..."

The older man stood there, watching curiously as his younger counterpart allowed Petunia to join him and Lily, wondering what it meant for the future-

'CRASH!'

Severus woke up from the surprisingly pleasant dream with a start, almost leaping out of bed as the sound of glass shattering echoed through his room. Rushing to the stairwell in his pajamas, Severus saw his mother standing there, peering downstairs with a look of disgust on her face. When he took a peek, he realized that he couldn't blame her; his father had apparently passed out drunk on the sofa, and had knocked over a cup, causing the crashing noise.

"At it again I see, and at twelve o'clock at night too," said Eileen with a voice of exhausted annoyance, muttering to herself in a muted volume that was all but inaudible to the boy standing beside her. "Sometimes I wonder why I still put up with him..."

Shaking her head, the dark-haired woman then stomped downstairs. Muttering curses under her breath as she went, she surprised Severus with her vehemence. Normally, his mother would just give a small smile as she dealt with Tobias, never getting truly angry with him, so even something as small as disgust and annoyance was... 'Strange and unusual. Mother never acted like this before; heck, she never stands up-'

A scene flashed through his mind, with Eileen murmuring that Severus needed his mother's love, causing Severus' eyes to widen in surprise. 'She did stand up to him! But why? It's not like anything important has chan-'

Another scene flitted through his thoughts, his mother giving him a rather warm smile, animatedly describing a scene from her favorite foreign film. 'No, something has changed...just like with Lily, just like in my dream! Something's different, better somehow...but why...why is it different?'

Severus didn't know why it was different, but as he watched his mother glare at her fallen husband, he saw something he hadn't seen since before he could remember: a spark of life in his mother's eyes, manifesting itself as anger. 'And it won't go out...'

'...I'll make sure of it...'

Author's Note: For those of you wondering why Severus doesn't just grab a wand and make things better...he can't. He may have all the knowledge he could ever need, but he doesn't have anywhere near the magical power he would require until he gets older. At least, that's the way I'm writing it in this story.

Besides, Severus has some important life lessons still to learn, the kind of lessons that a simple bit of magic just cannot do.

This is one of the happier chapters at this point in the fic; trust me when I say that it's going to get a lot darker really fast. Normally I wouldn't post this chapter until I had the next chapter touched up, but since it's Severus' birthday, I decided to make an exception. For those interested, I'm also posting my next chapter of 'Letters From The Dark'.

This has been Betaed by Anachronistic Anglophile. If you are interested in reading a fic based on the challenge in my profile page btw, check out 'The Dool Tree' by her. It's still in the process of a few touch-ups and a few scenes are yet to be added, but it's really good, albeit SS/HG with a broken-hearted Lily in the end.