Cursed to Relive

Chapter 6

Confession

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.

In the months since his oath to save his mother, Severus had done what he could to keep the spark of life and anger alive in her, fanning the flame of her indignation as best as he could. Perhaps it was to make up for the past in some way; last time he had just watched as she deteriorated--although admittedly he had been just a boy, he still felt guilty. This was despite the fact that he could barely help himself with his own problems, let alone the detached husk of a woman his mother had become.

Now, however, Severus was a grown man with a vast, painful collection of life experiences. Although it was unlikely he could change anything, especially given his record of small successes and devastating failures, the least he could do was try.

He had tried to subtly provoke her into realization of just how awful her husband was, and emphasize how little scum like him deserved her. In doing so, he made use of the same skill-set that had assisted him for all his years as a spy and a double-agent; he didn't go out of his way to let her know, but he dropped hints into his conversations with the woman.

One such instance was when Severus and Eileen were watching the telly together.

...

"I can't believe that woman puts up with it!" burst out Eileen, glaring angrily at the 'romantic heroine' on the television. The woman on screen cried in her room, and Eileen continued her rant with a snarl. "The man is out on the town all the time, cheats on her like it's nothing, and hits her for Merlin's sake! Who would put up with someone like that? Who?"

"Perhaps she thinks that he'll change?" said Severus calmly, playing Devil's advocate as his mother fumed. "Perhaps she thinks that if she waits around, the man she loves will return to her?"

"But that's the problem," bit out Eileen, turning an annoyed gaze upon her son. "People like that never change. He doesn't love her, so he'll never change for her. Even if he did change, she'd be better off without him. I just know it!"

"Then what should she do?" asked Severus, leaning toward her with burning intensity. "What should she do instead of just sitting there and waiting for an impossibility?"

"She should leave him! Dump him like a dog on the street!" said his mother savagely, anger written all over her face. "She should-"

The sound of the front door slamming interrupted the conversation, and Tobias' angry voice called "Eileen! Di'ner had best be ready in fiv' minutes, or I'm gonna be bloody annoyed! I had a rough day at the mill today; that twerp from the eastern mill said sumthin' about closin' the place down, downsizin' or some such..." His voice trailed off as he stomped into the living room, shaking his head with irritation.

Eileen frowned, but immediately started towards the kitchen, a faint "Yes, dear," audible behind her.

Severus sighed deeply, muttering to himself, "You've already got two out of three from him, Mum: alcoholism and beatings. Do you really want to wait until he completes the set before you do anything about it?"

Nonetheless, sounds of Eileen's quiet, dutiful labor soon filled the house as Tobias changed the channel and sat down...

...

As this instance and others like it seemed to prove, Severus' attempts at subtle provocation proved to be a bit of a dud. Although Eileen seemed to become annoyed with her husband a tad more often, it never seemed enough to cause her to really stand up for herself, let alone get her to leave the foul excuse for a man named Tobias Snape. She frowned more frequently, but generally just did as she was told, just without a smile.

After several attempts, Severus started to take a different approach, trying to be a little bit more direct and confrontational. He used logic, common sense and reason. But, it didn't always work.

...

"Mother, you shouldn't let hurt you like this! He hit you again, the third time in two months! If the bobbies heard about it, he'd probably be in prison...or something! I'll call them if you won't!" shouted Severus, watching angrily as his mother applied a plaster to her split upper lip, courtesy of her husband from when she had tried to give him a hangover remedy.

The hangover cure had been a Muggle one of course, what with magic being banned in their household since days that Severus couldn't remember. However, Tobias had flailed about in a rage, swearing that he'd 'never let her bewitch him with one of her cursed spells!'. Perhaps accidentally, he had hit Eileen with his fist during his 'little tantrum', nearly knocking her down the stairs.

"Severus, stop being childish!" said Eileen in annoyance, finishing with the bandage. "I mean, the bobbies? You're completely out of your gourd if you think this sort of thing warrants calling them! You know as well as I do that it was just an accident! Your father just had too much to drink is all; you know how he gets when he's...like that. He's never violent when he's sober now, is he?"

"N...no," Severus admitted, as indeed Tobias had never laid a finger on Eileen when he wasn't drunk. "But he shouldn't be allowed t-"

"Severus, don't make something out of nothing with this! Look, I'll talk to your father about this in the morning. Perhaps it might be best if he cuts down on his 'nights out with the guys', or perhaps comes home a bit earlier..." Eileen seemed to grow rather thoughtful. "If only he wouldn't drink so much, then everything would be fine..." She smiled as she said this, her eyes seeming to glisten slightly, now looking at something that wasn't truly there.

"But...never mind..." Trailing off, Severus walked away, leaving his mother to her foolish fantasy...

...

Thus, it seemed that logic didn't seem to faze the woman; just like before, she was stuck in the idea that the problem lay with her, that she only had to fix a few things and life would be better again. Whenever Severus confronted her, she would either shrug what he said off, call him childish, or state that her husband loved her and that they were just going through a phase. After nearly three months of this, Severus was starting to lose hope that he could change anything.

And that led to where he was now, stuck inside of his room, falling fast into apathy as his failures mounted.

"This is impossible... No matter what I do, she just won't bloody give up on him. No matter what I do, nothing changes..." whispered Severus aloud, his voice echoing off the walls of his unkempt room. A spider hung lazily in its web before him as Severus lay unmoving on the dusty mattress, staring blankly. "Nothing ever changes..."

It had been several months since Severus had sworn to save his mother. He just wished that there were a way he could do so...

Glancing out his door at the nearby phone, Severus sighed again. He still hadn't received a call from Lily, not after months of waiting and wondering.

So much for wanting to be friends.

So much for anything really...

Lily sighed, kicking her heels moodily as she glanced out the kitchen window, bored almost to tears at how there was nothing worth doing. She had already played with Betsy, and her schoolwork was done, so now she had nothing to do until her sister got home from school. 'I'd go outside, but I can't without 'supervision'.' Grumbling, Lily spared a glare over at her busy mother, who luckily didn't seem to notice. 'Stupid mothers!'

Ever since the little 'incident' at the store, Marigold Evans had severely curtailed Lily's privileges, not allowing her to go outside without company and sending her to her room if she did 'it' at all. 'Honestly, I'll bet that mum is just being silly about it. Nothing like the 'incident' has happened for months! Besides, it's not like I intend to do stuff... It just happens...'

Suddenly thinking of something, Lily called out to her mother, a most innocent smile plastered on her face, "Mum, I've been real good all week, haven't I?"

Marigold glanced up from where she was fussing over the floor, gaining a rather suspicious look. Nodding, the elder redhead said in a careful tone. "Yes, yes you have, Lily..."

"Well, I was thinking," said Lily while scuffing her shoes on the kitchen tiles, trying to pretend it wasn't super important, even though it really was. "Since I was sooo good, do you think I could go outside now, even though Tuney's not home yet?"

Marigold sighed, shaking her head before returning to her housework, picking up the broom again and sweeping up dirt that Lily couldn't even see. She said in a sad tone of voice, "I'm sorry, but rules are rules. You cannot go outside without proper supervision, and neither your father nor I have the time right now to go out and play with you. Maybe in a couple of hours we can revisit this...or you can ask your sister."

Lily sighed. 'Well, that sure was a waste! I guess I'll have to wait for-' The sound of the front door opening echoed through both the house and Lily's mind. 'Tuney!'

And indeed, the elder Evans sister walked into the kitchen, laying down her backpack with a sigh of relief. "Ugh, that last class seemed to drag on forever. I just want to go up to-"

"Tuney, would you mind going outside to play with me? Mum says that she and dad are too busy, so please!" said Lily in a rush, barely listening to her sister's litany about her day. She had been waiting for hours, waiting for this very moment; she wasn't going to waste one second of time, that was for sure!

Petunia's sigh of relief changed into a groan, and she looked exasperatedly at her sister as she Lily stared back, the younger girl begging with her eyes. "But Lily, I just got home; can't it wait an hour or two?"

"But I haven't had the chance to go outside all day. Come on, it'll only be a short time!" whined Lily, pouting at her sister. "Please!"

Petunia turned pleading eyes upon her mother, but the woman shook her head, saying with an encouraging smile, "Go play with your sister outside, Petunia. It'll be fun, I promise."

"But...never mind," muttered Petunia, glaring at her sister.

Lily was unable to keep from smiling as she led her sister outside.

"I th'nk that the two of us shou'd spend some time t'gether, Severus, like a fath'r-son sor' of thing. Yer comin' with me to the Mill tomorro', an' that's final. Got it?"

At the time, Severus had mainly agreed because...well, Tobias just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He wasn't expecting much from the trip of course, figuring that it was nothing more than Tobias attempting to encourage him to be 'manlier', much as he had been for the past year or so.

However...this seemed different somehow.

"Well, Sev'rus, what do ya think?" said Tobias, a raised eyebrow toward his son. Crossing his arms, he continued, "This's my mill. I'm one o' the boys her', just like you'll be in a few years. It's b'st ta get used a feel for it now."

Up until the day that Tobias had died, he had never ceased his attempts to stop his son from pursuing his 'foolish spellcastery fantasies'. Severus had long ago learned to ignore the man's stubbornness on that topic, so he merely nodded in response. Sneering mentally, he mocked the larger man in unspoken words. 'Stupid, dunderheaded Muggle...'

Leading his son further into the steel mill, Tobias pointed out the various sights and other workers within; Severus pretended to pay attention for his father's sake, but really he was contemplating how to get his mother to leave her foul, loathsome husband. 'That day cannot come soon enough for my tastes-'

"Why, hello there! Who might you be, little man?" A kindly, feminine voice interrupted his thoughts. Turning, Severus beheld a short, blond-haired woman grinning at him. She glanced at his father, seeming to compare the two of them before she clasped her hands together, her smile widening, "You must be Tobias' son, you little cutie!" Pointing a finger at herself, the woman chirped, "I'm Joan, Joan Cartwright. I work here with your dad; isn't he the best!"

Severus had to fight a groan; although much younger, better built and blond, the woman's behavior reminded him far too strongly of the Weasley family matriarch, Molly Weasley. This was especially true in regards to his sudden urge to Crucio the woman for her overly-mothering behavior. Scowling at the eager woman, Severus said disdainfully, "My father is something, alright... I am Severus Snape. Is that a problem?"

Blinking her large blue eyes stupidly, the woman faltered. "Uh, no...? I just-"

His father broke in, saying warningly, "Severus, don't be rud' to Joan; she's one o' my mo't valued co-workers." He then chuckled, putting a hand on the woman's shoulder as he did so. "Besides, she's real cute, ain' she?"

Joan blushed scarlet. "Quit s-saying things like t-that!"

"Indeed, you shouldn't be saying such things, Mr. Snape, not when there's a young boy nearby," came the disapproving voice of, to Severus' great surprise, Richard Evans. Apparently, he was the mill-inspector his father had been complaining about, as Severus never remembered Lily's father being particularly judgmental. Luckily, the man didn't seem to recognize him, instead glaring disgustedly at Severus' father. "Have you no shame?"

"Ah, pipe down. 's of no concern to ya, you li'l goody-two-shoes! Besides, we are't doin' nothing!" jeered Tobias defiantly, crossing his arms as he glared at the mill-inspector. "Jus' paying the poor gi'l a complimen'! Git back to your inspectin', you little turd!"

Richard seemed about to respond, but the other mill-workers had noticed the confrontation. Shouting angrily in support of their co-worker, they drowned out Richard's remonstrations. Turning around, the portly man strode away, to the cheering of everyone. Apparently, Tobias was well-liked here and Richard...wasn't.

Severus frowned, unable to look away as his father was surrounded by his fellows, who were slapping his back and grinning at him. Tobias looked...energized, excited, as if he were having the time of his life.

The sight of this hurt Severus in a way that he hadn't felt in years. It had been...bearable to believe that his father was an awful man whom no-one liked, that he had only treated his wife and son the way he did because he was just a terrible person. This was living proof that Severus was wrong; his father could be likeable, could be kind, could be...nice. It was just that he couldn't be that way with Severus or his mother.

That thought hurt more than anything else...

It was another normal day at the Evans family table; mum had made them all a nice batch of Yorkshire Pudding, and Lily's dad was telling their mother all about the trials of work that day.

"...and then the man's got his arm around that blond woman he works with, as if he isn't already married...to someone else! I mean, really!"

"Perhaps it was perfectly innocent, Richard. I know how you dislike the man for how he acts, as well as his 'stupid accent'. Maybe you're judging him too quickly...?" queried Marigold with a frown, an eyebrow raised.

"How to put it…" muttered her husband. Glancing at Lily and Petunia, he then whispered something to their mother.

Her eyes widened, then her lips pressed together grimly. "How dare he...?" muttered the redheaded wife and mother. "Chatting up another woman on factory grounds, no less..."

Meanwhile, the Evans girls were having their own form of daily discussion, Petunia telling Lily all about what happened at school. Although the conversations between the two of them had grown rather strained of late, this time it was rather pleasant for a change. It was a pity as to the topic though...

"...Jeremy seems to have changed his mind a bit," Petunia confided in her sister, a small smile on her face as she spoke. "I think that he might have gotten past...the incident. He's talking to me again and stuff."

Although Lily still didn't care much for the squinty boy, she smiled as she replied, "That sounds nice; are things going well with him?"

Petunia's face turned rather rosy, and she could no longer meet her sister's eyes. "Well, he talks to me a bit, and he's promised to introduce me to one of his friends. Remember Rosemary? He talks about me meeting her all the time, and he just goes on and on about how cool and smart she is..."

"That sounds...nice...?" agreed Lily hesitantly. She remembered Rosemary very much--notably as how her eyes had lingered on Jeremy's. She was about to ask if perhaps that boy and Rosemary were together, when suddenly something her father said caught her ear.

"Yeah, that Tobias Snape is quite the disgusting bloke; he's got a wife and son and goes around doing something like that..."

Recognizing the name instantly, Lily bolted upright, knocking her chair to the ground in the process. Almost shouting, she eagerly asked, "Snape? Like Severus Snape? Ooh, is Tobias perhaps related to that boy we met a while back? You know, at the grocery store?"

Her father looked at her in puzzlement for a moment, frowning, but then he snapped his fingers. "By Jove, I think you might be right, Lily. I think that he might be the boy's father."

Lily almost squealed with delight. Although he had been so strange, that boy had been very nice to her, and Lily could use a few more friends at the moment..."Then could you find out their address or something? Their phone number perhaps? Please Daddy!"

Richard Evans gave his daughter a level look, then nodded with a smile, causing the ten-year-old to really squeal. "Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou..."

As Lily poured out her thanks to her father, who looked rather flummoxed, the water in the Evans family's glasses started bubbling merrily...

Even as Severus sat in the sitting room of his family home, observing his mother watch her favorite soap with a rigid back, he could tell that something was amiss. In the past few days, there had been a dark tension on the air; Severus was unsure what caused it, but its mere presence set him on alert .

Severus had a suspicion as to what had caused it. To his surprise, Richard Evans had stopped by their house a few days ago, exchanging angry words with Tobias about 'propriety'. Given that the two men had been shouting almost at the top of their lungs, Severus suspected that his mother had probably overheard.

It was rather surprising that she was angry though, at least as angry as she appeared to be. While most women Severus knew would have been downright furious at the very idea that their husbands might have another woman on the side, his mother hadn't ever been like that. She had always simply smiled and told Severus that she trusted her husband loved her, ignoring her son's worries and fears.

This time was different though. For whatever reason, Eileen was furious, and Severus had no intention of wasting the chance that had been bestowed upon him. The only question was how to go about stirring this particular cauldron...

"Oh, my dear, although you did not realize it, I am secretly the man you love...from the future!" said the hero from one of his mother's more...stupid soap operas. Severus rolled his eyes. 'What a pathetic plot. I still find it hard to believe that my mother enjoys this...' He then paused, considering something... 'Wait...there's an idea that could actually work. What if I just flat-out told her that I was from the future? I could tell her what would happen to her if she didn't do something, tell her about the horrible tragedy that did occur in the end…'

Severus considered the idea carefully, then nodded. 'It's probably a waste of effort...but I have met with no real success thus far. Maybe I just have to put it the right way...'

Waiting for Eileen to finish sighing over 'how romantic' the situation was, Severus thought over just how to go about his plan. He tried to ignore the umpteen holes in it for the moment, as he knew that an opportunity like this, with his mother as angry as she was, probably wouldn't be coming around again anytime soon. Generally, she was far too forgiving of her husband for her own good...

The minutes crawled by, Severus' mind whirring constantly, unable to come up with anything particularly clever. In the end, he decided that he had little choice but to improvise, unless he intended to waste the golden opportunity chance had provided.

Swallowing, he spoke hesitantly, "Mum...what would you do if you knew someone who came from the future? To help you or something."

Eileen looked down at him, brow furrowed, then patted Severus on the head. Apparently taking his question seriously, she spoke contemplatively, "Well, I suppose it would depend what they had to say, and if I believed him or her. I mean, how would I know they are from the future?"

'How indeed...? I have no proof, not really...' mused Severus.

Still, he continued, consciously changing his manner of speaking from the childlike one he had been using to the one he had grown accustomed to in his adulthood. His voice grew much more pointed, heated yet emotionless. "The reason I asked is because I am not who you think I am. I am your son, but from nearly thirty years in the future. I have returned to the past to prevent you from suffering a horrible death."

Eileen blinked, apparently thrown by his sudden change in demeanor, from the sullen child of ten to the grown man of thirty-eight. For a moment, she looked confused, but then she started to chuckle. "Very well, Severus, tell me more. What is this death that you sought to save me from?"

Severus, knowing she thought he was joking, then said coldly, bluntly, "You Apparated to France and threw yourself in the Seine River."

A horrible silence filled the room, Eileen's eyes widening in shock. Apparently, the method she had died meant something to the woman. Her voice barely a whisper, she asked tentatively, "The River...Seine? Sev-"

Suddenly, the sound of a door slamming shut interrupted the two of them.

Tobias Snape had returned home.

Author's Note: Events are certainly in motion; we're almost to the end of the 'Arrival Arc'. Trust me when I say that it's going to be a bumpy ride, but might just end up with things happier for Severus than they were to begin with.

In case it isn't obvious, Severus forgot that Lily doesn't know his phone number; after all, she knew it for most of his life originally, so why shouldn't she know it now...

For those of you who didn't notice, I replaced the previous chapter with the TRUE previous chapter. (The one there originally was a chapter for my fic 'Letters From The Dark', which I reccomend, btw.)