Cursed to Relive

Chapter 7

Shattering

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series or Les Miserables.

Neither Severus nor his mother said anything after that, but Eileen gave her son a strange look before turning toward the door to greet her husband. Severus was fairly certain that his time-traveling issue would come up again soon, but for now he knew that she had to deal with a wayward husband. Still, she seemed frazzled, the method of her suicide apparently having had some significance to the pale, frightened woman.

"S'rry I'm late; I need'd to have a li'l nip at the pub wit' the boys is all," came the exhausted voice of Tobias Snape. "Joan an' Bob decid'd t' treat us all 'cus that Evans bloke had t' pass us! Mind gettin' the foo' ready?"

Severus could see Eileen's eyes heated, causing the thirty-nine-year-old child to smirk; when Richard stopped by, Joan had been one of the major focuses of the argument. He wondered whether or not Tobias had actually cheated on his mother, as Severus didn't recall any mentions of affairs the last time around. Then again, he had spent nine months each year cloistered in the school, so he simply might not have been aware.

"As a matter of fact, Tobias," said Eileen tersely. "I do mind; we need to talk about...your recent actions, now!" Noticing that Severus was still standing there, she muttered, "Upstairs would be best for you, I think. No need for young ears...for Severus to hear what we are saying."

Severus feigned bewilderment even as his eyes began to narrow. His secret was best kept from his father, in his opinion, but he wasn't thrilled at the idea of being left out of such an important conversation. After all, if he was nearby, perhaps he could stir the pot at key intervals...

Tobias looked bewildered at first, but soon his eyes narrowed in anger. "Wha' is it? 'm not movin' until you tell meh wha' this is abou'!"

"Tobias, this isn'-"

"No, here," said Tobias in a cold tone of voice. "We discus' this here! Now!"

Her lips pressed thinly, Eileen turned to Severus and hissed, "Go to your room, Severus, now."

Severus' eyes narrowed further; he did not enjoy being ordered around by anyone, even his mother. Still, she seemed angry enough... Perhaps it would be best to let her release that anger on Tobias instead of him...

Quickly hustling upstairs, Severus pretended to hide in his room, shutting the door just loudly enough to be easily heard but not loudly enough to sound forced--his mother might be able to tell the difference. Creeping back to the top of the stairs, Severus tried to listen.

He couldn't hear what his mother was saying, so he had to go by the brief snippets he heard from his father. From what little he could hear, his mother seemed to be questioning Tobias as to his 'relationship' with Joan Cartwright, but he didn't seem to realize where she was going with it.

However, soon he figured it out, and he started shouting, whereupon Severus had no difficulty in hearing whatsoever.

"How dare you accus' meh o' such a t'ing! I've never done nothin', and n'ver will either! I promised you li'l witch, promised that I'd nev'r let me eyes stray!" roared the man, stomping over to his wife as he curled his hands into fists, his drunken eyes looking furious. "I've spen' years o' me life keeping you and yer freak of a nancy boy sonclothed, fed and stuff, sinc' yer family wouldn' take scum like you back. Yeh ungrateful,little bint!"

"Tobias...!"

"An' you think tha' I'd go aroun' shagging Joan like she's some kind o' slag?" shouted Tobias, grabbing his wife by the collar of her housedress and lifting her up into the air, screaming into her terrified face. "She's not lik' you! She's a hundre' times more o' a woman than yeh'll ever be, an' I'd nev'r use her like that! She isn' the one who lied to me about bein' a freak! She isn' the one I've got to spend the rest of me life wit', shackled to her thanks t' her freak family and her stupid lies!"

"But Tobias..." said Eileen in a voice barely audible to Severus in his hiding-place. She sounded as if she were almost in tears as she spoke, almost choking in Tobias' grip. "I thought...I thought you loved me. That's why we married, right? Because we loved each other..."

"Wha' di' you think would happen!" retorted the man, shaking her brutally. "Yeh lied to me abou' who you w're until I was shackled t' yeh! Yeh aren' the woman I thought yeh were, so why would I love you like tha' woman? I don' love yeh for that, and I haven' loved yeh, not for years!"

Apparently realizing that he was shaking her so hard that she might take brain damage from his force, Tobias let her go and sneered at the gasping woman on the floor. "I almos' wish that you wer' dead; then at least I'd be free o' this stupid promise! In fac', why don' yeh get up and die already? World'd be better off without all you freaks!"

With one last glare, Tobias grabbed his coat and stormed out of the house, leaving Eileen lying on the floor, unmoving.

Lily grinned as her father rattled off the Snape family address, a bemused look on his face. Finally, she could go and talk to that boy she had met in the grocery store. She was excited; he was the only person she knew who didn't know her as 'that weird, violent Evans girl'. Perhaps she would be able to make friends with someone who wouldn't hate her for something she didn't mean to do.

"Mom, can I go over to the Snape's after dinner?" asked Lily eagerly. "Please. I promise that I'll be a really good girl, and not do anything weird at all! And I promised him that we'd play together again, remember, daddy?"

Marigold pursed her lips, glancing at her husband. "I don't know... I can't say I care much for what I've heard of his father. What do you think, Richard?"

Richard Evans crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair with a thoughtful look on his face.

Lily bit her lip, hoping that her father would say 'yes'. It had been quite some time since she had spent time with a friend, let alone a friend that didn't back away from her in fear whenever she got the slightest bit angry...

"Alright," said Richard finally, giving a slow nod. "Lily can go over to this boy's house tonight. However, it will only be for an hour and Petunia will be watching her. I don't trust that Tobias fellow, not one-"

"WHAT!" Petunia exclaimed, turning her full attention to the conversation as it mentioned her name. "But I can't! I already told Jeremy that I'd be going out for ice cream with him and Rosemary. I'm supposed to be leaving in a little over an hour to meet them; I won't have time to babysit Lily!"

Marigold sighed. "Petunia, you know that we have to keep someone watching Lily at all times...but if you don't-"

"But she...I!" The eldest Evans daughter whirled around, searching for help from her father, when her eyes suddenly fell on his glass of still-bubbling water. "AHA! Look at that!" she shouted in triumph. "Lily's done it again! She's messing with the water this time! What if she does something over at the Snapes' home? She'd get in a whole mess of trouble! I mean, imagine that father of his finding out..."

Richard eyed his glass as one would a hissing viper. He then turned to his youngest daughter, sighing deeply as he quietly crushed her hopes. "I think that your sister might be right, Lily. If you can't control yourself here, then perhaps it might be best to wait until you can before you go."

Lily panicked, turning to her mother as she spoke, "Mum, please make dad listen! I'll be very good, I will! You know how hard I try... I just can't quite stop it sometimes!"

Marigold shook her head with evident sadness. "Lily, that man, Tobias Snape, could get your father in a lot of trouble if he finds out about...'it'. Your father has already ruffled a few feathers when he went over to the man's house and shouted at him. Really, I think it might be best if you don't go over at all..."

"But...please!" begged Lily, starting to sob, but even as she did so the glass beside her exploded.

"Lily," Marigold flinched at the bang, looking at her youngest daughter warily. "I'm afraid that that is not an option... For what it's worth, I'm sorry, but I can't let you go see this boy until you get some control over yourself."

"Please..." whispered the redheaded girl.

But their eyes showed no shifting, no sign of mercy...

Severus frowned darkly as he nibbled on the edges of his toast, looking up the stairs at the closed door to his parents' bedroom. She still hadn't left it, having closed herself up as soon as she had regained her footing the night prior. Severus, not knowing what to do, had simply returned to his room and done the same.

Tobias, after storming out, hadn't returned, which meant that Severus was alone at the base of the stairs where he sat, unmoving.

He hadn't expected his father to say what he did, but it didn't surprise him earlier. In fact, in hindsight it seemed perfectly obvious that the man simply didn't love his wife or son, that he only saw them as a burden. Severus' past hypothesis was now confirmed.

It didn't hurt Severus all that much, as he had grown to realize that neither his mother nor his father loved him. If one didn't expect love, it didn't hurt when it was absent...at least, not much. However, he couldn't blame Eileen for feeling differently, as she had always been so sure of Tobias' love.

Her pain had to be far greater than his own, as she had truly cared about his father.

Severus had barely slept at all afterward, the tension in the air being more nerve-wracking after the argument. He could feel something, a change soon coming, and he knew not whether it would be for good or for ill. He feared that it would break his mother once again, driving her to find the peace in death she had been unable to find in life—and this thought terrified him.

She might not love Severus, but that hardly meant that he couldn't care for her.

The door opened, revealing Eileen plodding slowly out of her room and down the stairs as her son watched, his lip curled in disgust. She looked wretched, lifeless, even more shattered wreck than he had seen her in either life. She shuffled listlessly past Severus into the kitchen, only to halt. Severus followed, his eyebrows creasing in worry.

Tears in her eyes, she stared unblinkingly at a single Muggle photograph hanging on the wall in its frame. There were two people smiling inside it: a beautiful young woman, reminiscent in appearance of Severus at age twenty, accompanied by a dashing and broad-shouldered young man. As Severus watched her gaze upon this photograph, he saw the briefest of smiles flash across her face, only to be washed away in a deluge of tears.

Not knowing what he should do, Severus stood behind her, wondering what his mother would do.

Suddenly she spoke, her eyes still trained upon the photo. "What else happened, Severus?"

"What do you mean?" replied Severus, uncertain. "Mother?"

"What else happened in the future, Severus?" whispered the woman, tearing her eyes away from the scene in the picture. "Was your father happy? Was Tobias happy when I...died?"

Severus didn't know quite how to respond, so he simply said, using the same tone he had the night before, "He wasn't happy...but nor was he unhappy when you died... I don't think he really cared, except that he could now bring women home instead of having to go home to his wife..."

He knew that this wouldn't make his mother feel better, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. Not about this.

"That's what I thought..." whispered the pale woman contemplatively. "My life means nothing to him, doesn't it?"

Severus nodded.

"Well, if it means nothing to him," said Eileen in a sad, quiet tone of voice, "then maybe it would be best if he never saw me again..."

As Eileen spoke, Severus felt a charge pass through the air. Although he wasn't sure what she would do, perhaps this time things would be different...

Lily had ended up crying for half the night after the events of the evening prior; it had been awful, discovering where that Severus Snape boy lived only to be forbidden from ever going to see him. It hurt a lot, knowing that he was barely a few miles away, yet forever out of reach.

She had already lost the rest of her friends, she suspected, thanks to that stupid incident with Jeremy Tibbit; she wouldn't allow herself to lose anymore, not if she had anything to say about it.

However, it was starting to look like she wouldn't have a choice in the matter; she had heard her parents talking in the living room the night before, and her father had said that he probably wouldn't allow her anywhere near that place if Tobias was Severus' dad. Her mother had agreed, saying that she didn't want to think of what could happen if that man caught her daughter doing anything unusual...

'It's just so stupid... Something really bad only happened once; it's not like it'll happen every time, is it?' thought the young girl bitterly. She was stewing at her bedside table, watching her father pull out of the driveway on the way to work. 'I wish mum would let me go over... I wish I could see someone...'

Petunia walked outside, her bag securely under her arm, and Lily saw her smile as she made her way to school. Lily sorely wished that she were her, that she might walk outside without feeling that spark of fear burning in her chest, that she might go out and make friends with someone and not have to worry about the consequences.

As Lily was absorbed in her thoughts, she started to imagine what that Snape boy might be like. Perhaps he would accept her strangeness, maybe he wouldn't mind how weird she was. Maybe her parents were worried about nothing; maybe nothing bad would happen if he found out. 'Maybe I wouldn't be alone if I had a friend who didn't care about my weirdness... Besides, he didn't act strangely when we met...'

Lily started to wonder if that boy had seen her do it when they had last met outside the grocery store; had he seen her making the flowers grow and stuff? Maybe he didn't care that she was a freak...

She started to envision the boy, whom she transformed within the confines of her mind into a figure dressed in brilliant white robes who would ride up to her house on a white horse and tell her that she was secretly a magical princess and he had come to take her away to her kingdom. Where exactly that kingdom was, she wasn't certain of course. What if she was missing the chance to find her prince! Her chance might be leaving her even now; she could practically taste its departure!

No, she couldn't let her last bit of hope pass by; she'd make sure to catch it. She would go now and talk to this boy, her shining prince, and see if he could rescue her. Her parents would understand when she explained it to them, especially—this possibility was feasible to her mind—if the boy really were a prince.

Donning her favorite pale blue dress, Lily snuck out of the house, leaving through the front door. She would ask her mother for permission...but she didn't think that she would understand until Lily showed her the prince.

Practically skipping as she took her first breath of fresh air in several days, Lily started walking. It was a few miles from her house after all.

She hoped that she'd make a good first impression.

Eileen Snape sat alone on the couch, having sent Severus away some time ago so that she might have some time to consider the information he'd given her. She still wasn't entirely sure that she believed him, as some things were far too strange even in a world filled with magic. She had never heard of such a thing as a time-traveling feat as this, for even Time-Turners wouldn't allow him to assume the body of his childhood self.

However, it seemed that she was unable to concentrate, her mind filled with whirling images: Severus claiming to be from the future, those few years when she and Tobias had been so deeply in love with her...But there was one scene that ran most frequently through her head: Tobias shouting that she had killed his love, and that he was shackled to her because of the promise he had made...

Eileen stared at the blank television screen before her, anguished tears rolling down her cheeks with infinite slowness. 'Tobias...why? Why couldn't you love me?

She had ruined her life when she married Tobias. She understood this now, long past the point when she had chosen to sacrifice her ancient pureblood heritage to marry a mere Muggle man. Her family had disinherited her when she had refused to break up with that handsome, smiling young lad; they'd warned her that she would regret her choice when she realized what she had done. She couldn't even go back now, as she had borne a child of 'tainted blood', a crime for which they would never forgive her. Without Tobias, she had nothing, and now she didn't even have that...

The image of her husband shouting at her flashed before into her mind once more, and she let out a moan of agony in remembrance.

"I promised you, li'l witch, I promised that I'd nev'r let me eyes stray!"

He had promised to always be faithful to her, to keep her safe and to take care of her, yes...but he didn't love her. He didn't even love her son; he just saw them as a duty, a duty to which he was eternally bound.

"Maybe it would be best if I freed him of that duty..." whispered the tall, dark-haired woman. "Maybe he would truly be happier if I were no longer around for him to be shackled to..." An image flashed through her mind, a man drowning in a river in one of her favorite films, and she whimpered, "I wish I were dead..."

A series of loud knocks came from the front door, startling Eileen from her stupor.

Standing up, she slowly plodded over and opened it. A red-haired young girl stood there, red-cheeked and wearing a pretty pastel dress; the girl's eyes were filled with an eagerness that made the older woman feel jealous, as it spoke of youth and prosperity that she would never again possess. She'd having wasted her youth on a man who no longer loved her.

Scowling, Eileen spoke in a frigid tone, "What are you doing here, girl?"

The girl bit her lip, fidgeting before asking timidly, "Is this the Snape family house?"

"Yes," bit out Eileen, not caring for the girl's presence. Trying to get her to leave so that she could get back to her wallowing, she glared at child and spoke in an even colder tone of voice, "Now, explain why you are here and be quick about it! I have far more important things to take care of today, and I have no wish to deal with some strange little girl!"

"I...I'm Lily, Lily Evans, and I was hoping that I could talk with your son," said the girl, almost whispering as she finished her sentence. "Severus."

'Lily Evans... Where do I remember that name from?' wondered Eileen, before remembering her son telling her about the Muggleborn girl who had rejected his friendship... 'But why would she be here then?' Frowning, she then posed a question to the small child, trying her best to hide her growing dislike for the Muggle-spawn.

"Miss...Evans, where do you know my son from?"

Lily fidgeted more, pressing her fingertips together before saying, "I met him at the grocery store, a few months ago. He seemed very...nice."

Eileen's scowl deepened as she recalled that particular day. Severus had been in a truly abominable mood that evening, after they had gone home from the store. Apparently, it was all thanks to this 'Lily Evans' character. She was probably just like Tobias--all nice and sweet until she dug her claws in and ripped the heart and life out of her victim. 'Severus would be much better off without this...girl.'

Glowering at the girl, she resolved that it would be better for Severus if she got rid of her. Lying calmly, she said, "Miss Evans, my son doesn't want to see a freakish little Mudblood like you. He was furious the last time he saw you, told me he never wanted to speak to you agai-"

"But...I told him I'd call him!" interrupted Lily, voice quavering as her eyes widened. "I just...I forgot to ask his ad-"

"Get off my property, you little chit!" shouted Eileen, incensed at the interruption. "Go away and never bother us again!" The girl looked about to protest, when Eileen bent over and yelled in her face, "Now!"

Eyes filling rapidly with tears, the small girl backed up and ran away, sobbing.

Eileen sneered in triumph, feeling a little bit better now that she had had the opportunity to vent a little, and at such a worthy target. 'That'll teach her not to harm my son...'

However, she wasn't quite sure what she should do about the current situation with her husband... A part of her still felt like it might be best if she were to throw herself in that river, just like Javert had in that beautiful film, Les Misrables...but another, stronger part reminded her that she had a son, a son who badly needed her to take care of him. She couldn't abandon him.

Torn as to her decision, Eileen stood there for several minutes, thinking to herself. She was interrupted however when the front door opened behind her and she heard her son's voice--no, not her son's voice, the voice of the man who was her son--say, "Is there anything wrong? I heard shouting..." He trailed off, uncertain and with a great deal of anxiety audible in his voice. "Are you alright?"

Touched by his worry, Eileen smiled, saying with a small sigh, "I am now."

He nodded, and the two of them stood there for an indeterminate length of time before she finally spoke. She had finally made her decision.

"Severus, pack all your things. We're leaving."

Author's Note: Sorry for the evil cliffie; the next chapter will be the end of the arc. A time-skip will occur between that and the next arc. I hope that you enjoy it.

If you're wondering about Lily's little bout of strangeness involving her 'prince', let's just say that desperation added to normal ten-year-old silliness can come up with some pretty strange stuff.

In the case of Eileen...she is Severus' mother after all...

Next chapter should be up relatively quickly.

Betaed by Anachronistic Anglophile.