Cursed to Relive

Chapter 8

Farewell

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.

It was rather surprising how fast the two of them had finished the packing, even with the help of magic. In barely an hour, everything that Severus or his mother ever owned had been been shrunken and put into a single, dingy briefcase. Now there was no sign of the two having lived there at all.

In both this life and his 'past life', Severus had lived his whole life in this house, when he wasn't at Hogwarts that is. Now every mark of his existence had been taken away, in less time than one of his mother's movies. Now there was nowhere that would bear his mark, proving that he was real.

That thought made him feel rather depressed, something which puzzled him as he was supposed to be happy that he had gotten his mother away from Tobias, wasn't he? 'Besides, although the situation is...unusual, I've managed to do something right.' thought the boy to himself as he took one last, long look at the place in which he had lived for two lifetimes. 'So why do I feel like...nothing has really changed? At least, not in a meaningful way...'

Eileen, now dressed in a long set of robes and with her hair in a tight bun, swallowed as she stared at the Snape house in Spinner's end as well. "It's hard to believe that we're leaving, isn't it, Severus?" She shivered, although it was certainly not from the cold, with the Summer as warm as it was.

"Indeed." said Severus simply, feeling far older than even a man of his years was supposed to feel.

In a curious tone of voice, she then asked the ten-year-old standing beside her, "Did you ever move from this house, your home? I mean, in your future."

Severus frowned and gave the woman a warning look, but nevertheless he replied calmly, "I never moved. It was unnecessary as I spent most of my time each year elsewhere."

"I see..." Eileen seemed at a loss for words. "What happened to your father?"

Severus shook his head, not bothering to answer. The man had vanished sometime before the end of his seventh year; even now, Severus didn't know if it had been the man finally leaving, or if it had been one of his Death Eater 'friends' giving him a bit of a present. Severus hadn't particularly cared which.

Seeming to realize that he didn't want to talk about it, Eileen sighed, before turning around and walking to the street. They had a great deal of traveling to do, as Apparating wasn't much of an option at Severus' physical age. Curious, Severus followed her and asked, "Do you know where we're going?"

Eileen shook her head, seeming unsure. "I suppose that we'll head to Diagon Alley and decide what to do then. We don't have enough to pay for the Knight Bus, I'm afraid."

Severus nodded, feeling rather relieved at the thought that he wouldn't have to go in that metal monstrosity. Once had been enough.

"Are you feeling alright? About leaving our home, I mean." Eileen suddenly asked him. For whatever reason, she appeared far more nervous about leaving their house than he did. "Because if you are, we'll probably find another one soon enough."

"I'm fine, do not worry."

And it was true; although admittedly Severus felt a little strange about no longer living there, he knew he would be alright. After all, it wasn't like he was truly leaving his home, for he had in actuality left that a long time ago, and would never find his way back.

It had taken him more than half of his life to truly understand that, but he fully agreed with Dumbledore about one thing, if nothing else: home was where the heart was.

His home was simply wherever Lily Evans happened to be.

Ash...that was all that was left of Lily Evans' dreams...nothing but ash. Her brave attempt to find the prince, doomed before it ever began. He hated her now, surely he did. She had taken too long, and her dream had been ripped away before her very eyes...

Lily grimaced as she looked at the front door of her house from across the street, feeling her soremuscles screaming as sweat soaked her dress. Although she had stopped running a long time ago, it had been a fairly long walk back home, especially after that terrifying woman had chased her away.

It was fitting, she supposed, as she finally looked strange and ugly on both outside and inside. No wonder Severus wasn't interested in being her friend...

'Why...? Why does this sort of thing keep happening to me?' Lily asked herself, panting as she walked up the front steps to her house. 'Why can't I avoid this hurting, control my weirdness...? Why do I have to be some sort of monster?'

"Why c-can't I have any friends?" whispered the girl, pressing her head to the front door as her tears threatened to overwhelm her. "Don't I d-deserve better? It's not fair everyone hates me!"

Opening the front door softly, Lily slipped inside, glad that her father hadn't arrived home yet. Since it had only been a few hours, perhaps her mother hadn't yet gone upstairs and noticed that she was gone.

Entering the living room, she got ready to run silently up the stairs when she suddenly heard the sound of shrieking fill her ears.

"WHERE the bloody HELL have you been, LILY!" Petunia's voice exploded, detonating in the young girl's eardrums. Continuing to shout, she marched over to her sister, hands balled into fists. "Mum called me out of school an hour ago to go running around the neighborhood in search of you! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!"

"I-I...I'm sorry..." whispered the young girl, backing away from the furious blonde. "I just went to that Snape boy's house... I didn't mean...mean anything!"

It didn't help; Petunia was still enraged and she roared hatefully, "Don't you realize how much your weirdness wastes my time! I had to skip out on a lunch date with Jeremy and Rosemary because of you, and you just wanted to hang out with some boy! Thanks a bunch, you freak!"

At Petunia's last words, voices seemed to fill her head, cruel and malicious ones; they all seemed bent on her pain...her suffering...her loneliness...

"...your little freak of a sister..."

"SHE'S A MONSTER!..."

"Lily's done 'it' again!..."

"...freakish little Mudblood like you!..."

"Thanks a bunch, you freak!..."

Even as Petunia continued to shout, tears in her eyes and Lily found herself uable to hear her. It was like a cold, dank fog were obscuring her senses, leaving her an empty void, a mere observer as her sister screamed herself hoarse. The voices from her past were far too loud for her sister to be heard over them.

Why couldn't they stop hating her? Why couldn't they leave her alone? Why couldn't they all just stop!

"Lily?" came Petunia's voice, which although angry, sounded somewhat worried. "Are you alright? Lily?"

"S-stop it..." whispered Lily, her voice cracking. "Stop it and leave me alone...Please." She then slipped down to one knee, barely able to support herself.

An frightened look on her face, Petunia took a step back. Lily couldn't bear to see her sister's terror, nor anyone else's hatred. She just wanted to make that look go away, the voices leave her alone, alone in her pain! 'Make it stop! Make it go away! LEAVE ME ALONE!' She felt a sense of power pouring into her, the power she needed to make her go away, like with Jeremy... It was almost overwhelming.

She resisted though, just barely, until...

"What...what are you doing now, you freak? What are you doing!"

Lily could almost feel her last restraint snapping. She gave into the power, reveling in the delicious sensation as Petunia went flying into the china cabinet behind her, with bone-shattering force.

As the sound of shattering glass filled the air, along with the acrid, metallic smell of blood, Lily felt a sense of dawning horror overwhelm her. As she passed out, she fleetingly saw her mother running into the living room.

She noticed that the voices were now silent...and she was alone.

Tobias Snape frowned as he opened the door to his home; there seemed to be something odd about the interior, and he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. He felt like a dark cloud hanging over the building had lifted, making way for blessed sunlight. Still, he was apprehensive as he walked inside, leaving his shoes at the front door.

Entering the living room, he blinked as he saw what laid before him; the pictures that had once lined the walls--pictures of the man he had been before Eileen had betrayed him with her witchery--had all vanished, leaving blank spaces behind. He would have suspected a robbery if it weren't for the fact that the things of true value, such as the television and couch, had been left behind.

Peeking into the kitchen, Tobias found a similar situation there: a small amount of food and some items of sentimental value to Eileen taken, leaving everything else untouched. There was no sign of either his wife or son.

Starting to feel a sense of cautious happiness, Tobias bounded up the steps, only to find that the master bedroom had similarly been raided for anything of Eileen or Severus'. It seemed that any mark of their blighted existence had been stripped from the place, leaving naught but memories.

There was a single letter on the nightstand, where before his wife had kept pictures of them, pictures from before she had anchored herself to him. The letter read, tears streaking the paper:

Dear Tobias Snape,

We once loved each other, you know. I'm quite sure of that, so it...it really hurts that it has come to this. It appears that you would prefer that I were dead to being your wife. Why did it have to be this way, Tobias? Did you really hate magic so much, or was it just me? That is a question I will always wonder...

Have you ever wondered what it might be like for us, had you truly given me a chance after our wedding? What might have happened if you and I had stayed the way we were beforehand? Would you have perhaps loved me had I told you I was a witch before our marriage?

I knew that I should have told you, but I was scared that you would hate me, that you would never forgive me. I never meant to harm you in any way, Tobias and I would have begged for your forgiveness, had you only told me what was wrong. I honestly thought that it was just a annoyed phase that you were going through, not something that would last more than a decade.

Still, what's done is done, and you have helped me realize that it is far too late for us.

As such, I am leaving you and taking Severus with me. If it pleases you, you may keep everything but what Severus and I need to survive, as well as whatever memories I wanted to bring--I suppose that you would not care overmuch about those.

It's a shame, as I think that you really could have been a very good man. After all, even if you didn't love me, you made sure that there was food on the table, shelter and a general place that we could call home.

I just wish that you had realized that I didn't want only the letter of...

Tobias didn't bother to read more, not particularly interested anything else Eileen had said. All that mattered was the fact that she was finally leaving...

Although it was rather inappropriate, Tobias couldn't stop himself from smiling at those words. Finally he could get on with his life, not chained to someone he didn't want. Finally, he could be free...free to find someone he truly loved, free to do what he wanted to do with his life... It was a thought blessed beyond compare.

Still, even as Tobias ordered take-out to celebrate, he spared a few thoughts to his wife and child. Contrary to appearances, he didn't truly hate his son, and he had once loved Eileen. He just didn't want to be tied to them, like blocks of iron dragging him down to the depths of the river. As such, before he left the house, he pictured the two of them sitting on the couch one last time and gave his dreamed-up visions of them a single salute.

He hoped for their sakes that things wouldn't go so badly for them.

Author's Note: Some of you have asked me whether or not this will be a happy story or have a happy ending (At least for Severus and/or Lily). In regards to pairings, I cannot say...at this time at least, but one thing that is important to understand is the theme of the story: The worst nightmares and cages are frequently those within our own minds.

Regardless of who ends up with who, Severus has a lot of issues to work through. In some ways, even though he is DEFINITELY not going to be a Death Eater in this 'reality', he is a more difficult sell for a romantic partner than he was before. After all, he has taken self-loathing, bitterness and avoiding any form of attachments to art forms.

However, he has been given a second chance, inside of which he might just be able to heal.

As for other things, the next chapter takes place after a rather significant time-skip, and might be some time in coming. Sorry about that.

Also, I have come up with a new challenge for those interested:

The Juxtaposed Challenge: How would the Marauders Era have turned out if Dumbledore had been a Slytherin?

Rules:

#1: Dumbledore is relatively similar to canon, but with more obvious Slytherin principles and generally supportive of those from that house (Think of how most of the Order seemed to be Gryffindor-based in canon; it's the same way, but with Slytherins instead).

#2: Voldemort, instead of crafting an army based around Slytherin principles, notices the frequent disconnect between Dumbledore and the non-Slytherin students. As such, his army becomes a crusade against the 'evil Ministry' and the corrupt families they support and are supported by (In particular, the Slytherin ones).

#3: Similar to in canon, the students of the era are caught in the middle. Those of Gryffindor are generally supportive of Lord Voldemort's dream, with Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff being rather neutral in the conflict albeit supporting their typical school allies (Gryffindor), and the Slytherins generally disliked by all.

#4: Apart from not being in favor of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and there being no Blood-purity craze, the Slytherins are pretty much the same in canon. The Gryffindors aren't evil per se, they just think that the destruction of the Ministry and suffering of the Slytherins is pretty much a good thing. After all, the worst things imaginable can happen with the best of intentions.

#5: Try to show just how dark Gryffindor can go when faith and unity turns to fanaticism. Lily is caught in the middle of this, and her Gryffindor-character is frequently tempted by her own desire to follow the herd. Meanwhile, Severus plays very much the one trying to choose reason over determination.

#6: You may start at any point between the start of Severus' Hogwarts years to the end of Harry's. Remember, much like in canon, Voldemort doesn't show his true colors up until after Severus' Hogwarts years.

Optional Bonus Point Rules:

#1: Lily is forced to undergo a similar test to canon-Severus, having to choose between her wish to join in the 'righteous crusade' and her desire to keep Severus as a friend.

#2: Severus ends up one of the leaders of the 'good guys' for his generation, because of one of the most ancient of reasons: no-one else is willing to do it. Also, in some ways, Severus becomes Dumbledore's personal prodigy, sort of like what Harry is in canon.

#3: Pairings are up to you, although I would definitely enjoy seeing a reversal of the canon situation between Severus and Lily, with Lily trying to be the one to get Severus and Severus unsure about whether he can continue supporting Lily as she seems to be pulled farther and farther into Voldemort's mad crusade. If you prefer, you may set up Severus with an OC or non-Lily canon Character.

Message me if/when you post something based on this challenge, as I would love to read it!