Cursed to Relive

Chapter 10

Houses

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.

Severus spent the entire welcoming feast in a daze, not even noticing the Hufflepuffs around him as they tried to draw him into conversation. While he hadn't been thinking clearly when he had made his demands of the Sorting Hat, thanks to his extreme levels of panic at the thought of being so close to both Lily and the Slytherins, he hadn't expected to go into Hufflepuff.

Really, he had been expecting to go into Ravenclaw or Gryffindor... On second thought, avoiding Gryffindor had probably been a good thing. While he had no intention of trying to rebuild the old rivalry unless he had no other choice--the Marauders were frankly just too good at making his life miserable--the idea of having to live in the same bloody dormitory as James Potter and Sirius Black made him want to claw his eyes out.

Still, Ravenclaw had always been his second choice after Slytherin, being the house of the clever and intellectual, so why the hell was he in Hufflepuff? They spent their whole time at Hogwarts working themselves to the bone just to scrape by, morons of the highest order as a rule, so why was he with them!

"Come on...Severus, was it?" came a kind, female voice from behind him, interrupting his thoughts. Turning, Severus saw a tall, dark-haired girl standing there, one of the Hufflepuff prefects most likely. "We're going to take all our first years down to the Hufflepuff common room. Would you like to come with?"

Severus considered saying 'no', but in the end shrugged and followed. He was required go, of course, despite the girl's gentle request, but frankly he was getting rather tired of all the commotion. Perhaps he might find some peace and quiet once they showed him to his room.

From what he recalled from his few times in the Hufflepuff Common Room and Dormitories, always in his role as Potions Professor or Headmaster, the rooms were generally cushy and overly-welcoming. 'Much like its members,' thought Severus with a mental sneer, which faded upon reminding himself that he was now one of those annoying Hufflepuffs. 'What should I do now?'

The common room was just as he remembered, filled with a vast number of cushy couches next to nice tables, and the tour of the dormitories went more or less as expected. His bed was of relatively common appearance, if well made, and Severus was about to go lay down on it when he was called back by another of the Hufflepuff prefects--a short, red-haired boy who was so freckled that Severus was certain that he had to be a Weasley.

"Mr. Snape, we're heading back to the Common Room for the introductions. Come on, now."

At that, Severus raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told while wondering, 'Introductions? What introductions?' Upon entering the Common Room, Severus was bade to stand with the other first years, which he did, seeing no particular reason not to save for his dislike of being ordered around. Then the same male prefect smiled at all of them and spoke in a kind, friendly voice reminiscent of Arthur Weasley.

"Hello everyone, my name is Gilbert Weasley, your friendly seventh-year Hufflepuff prefect. I'm a member of the famous or (in some circles) infamous Weasley family. I like Quidditch and Herbology, and I have two older brothers, Arthur and Bilius Weasley. It's nice to meet you." Chuckling as the first-years (except for Severus) looked at him in awe, Gilbert gave them all a quick bow. "Now, we're all going to introduce ourselves just like I did so we can all get to know each other. If you can't say anything else, tell us your name, your interests and something about your family. Come on now, we're all going to be friends here in Hufflepuff, aren't we?"

As the first-years around him started speaking, Severus quickly ran through his options: he wasn't going to tell them the truth of course (he wasn't some stupid, heart-on-his-sleeves Gryffindor after all), so that left lying or simply saying nothing. Lying would be problematic if he were discovered, while saying nothing might be perceived as rude... On the other hand, maybe he could tell them a small part of the truth, and that would suffice in keeping them from getting nosy.

Nodding, Severus carefully thought over what he would say, so when it was finally his turn, he merely said calmly, "My name is Severus Snape, and I like Potions and Defense the Dark Arts." Not even bothering to force a smile, he said in a deadpan voice, "Nice to meet you."

As Lily lay in her dark four-poster bed later that night, her thoughts focused on the incredible day she had had so far; she was now at Hogwarts, and a Slytherin, a member of the house of success and victory. Better yet, she had met a couple of people that might become her friends...and seen Severus again.

'Severus...' Lily fingered the ribbon she had worn earlier that day with a bright smile. He was just like she had remembered, strange and secretive, but really quite nice to her. Just like her, he had been scared of his first day, but he had still taken the time to indulge her as she went on and on about her Anazi silk. 'He was just...so wonderful. I hope that he won't hate me, not after all the time it's been since we spoke...'

She had been afraid that she would never see him again after her father had told her about Mrs. Snape and Severus leaving Mr. Snape and going off across the country--Dad had been particularly perturbed that night, saying something to Mom about Mr. Snape already moving on into 'Joan Cartwright's bed'.

'I still don't know why he needed Ms. Cartwright's bed; wasn't his own big enough? Oh well, it doesn't matter; I've found him again, and he is just like I remembered!' Lily had to bite back a small squeal of excitement at this; awakening the other girls their first night as room-mates probably wasn't a good idea, not if she wanted to make friends with them...

There were three other girls in her year, Sophia Rosier, Odieux Haine and Beatrice Celosa. Although she hadn't hit it off with them like she had Mary, Lily hoped that perhaps the three of them would become her friends soon enough.

Sophia was a dark-haired waif of a girl, while Odieux was tall with brunette hair and perpetually-lidded eyes and Beatrice was a short, somewhat stocky blond. They all came from long lineages of pureblooded families, although Beatrice' father had married a Muggleborn--a rather embarrassing predicament from what Sophia had said--and as such was considered to be a half-blood.

She thought about what had happened at the table though, and bit her lip. While they had been very polite to her, she couldn't help but notice how she was an intruder in some ways, as it seemed that the other children mostly known one another since before they had started...leaving Lily alone. Still, she felt sure that she could make friends pretty quickly, assuming they didn't find out that she was a Muggleborn or anything. She had made it a point to be friendly with everyone after all, even the ones she disliked (like that weird Avery boy).

Already, her efforts had paid off dividends; one of the boys, a nice blond-haired boy, had winked at her. She didn't catch his name, but had been unable to keep from blushing as he gave her a bright grin and a jaunty wave.

As to Severus...

Lily wished that he had joined her in Slytherin, as it would have made her feel much better to have a friend there when she arrived. So far, it was pretty lonely, although she hoped it wouldn't stay that way for long. Maybe she'd make a bunch of friends...

...as long as they didn't discover her secret.

Severus' dreams had been somewhat altered since he had arrived in this altered world, no longer being solely nightmares of failure mixed with bittersweet dreams of what had been, instead including tortorous dreams of (as he put it) a strange world that could never be. Those dreams were far less frequent, but no less powerful than those of the night when Voldemort had revealed to him his plan to murder the Potters thanks to what he had told him.

This dream was no exception:

"Hey, Sev! I was wondering if I could ask you something..." Lily fidgetted, glancing at a brunette girl from across the hall as she looked at Severus with a pleading look in her eyes.

Severus gave her a wary look, biting his lip before nodding. "Yes? Might I ask what it is?"

"I'd like you to meet my new friend, Mary! She's really cool, and I think you'd like her! Alright, Sev?"

Severus' eyes turned to focus on the short brunette standing over by the Great Hall's entrance, her arms crossed as she frowned in his direction. To be quite frank, she didn't look interested in the slightest...but Lily had asked him to do this.

Several moments passed, Lily waiting apprehensively, then he sighed. "Hmm... Alright, I guess it can't hurt all that much."

Lily squealed, giving the pale boy a huge hug. "Thanks, Sev, I promise you that you won't regret it! Let me call her over... One moment." The young redhead waved exuberantly at the brunette from across the hall, before returning her attention to Severus. "See, here she comes now!"

Indeed, Mary was walking over, albeit with a clear lack of enthusiasm. Upon reaching them, the girl gave Severus a look of suspicious appraisal, before shrugging. "Hi, I'm Mary MacDonald. It's nice to meet you." She spoke in a tone which indicated that she felt the complete opposite. "I enjoy Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration and not dealing with complete prats. How do you do?"

Severus looked at her carefully, wondering what was the point of wasting his time with this chit of a girl, especially since she was a Muggleborn and thus persona non grata in the eyes of his friends. Deciding against bothering with her, he opened his mouth to give her a few choice remarks...only to see Lily's emerald-green eyes once again, all but begging him to do this for her.

Holding back a sigh, Severus spoke politely, "And I'm Severus Snape, pleased to meet you. I enjoy DADA as well as Potions, and I would very much like to be your friend." He immediately knew that this was the right choice to make, as Lily gave him a beaming look that made him feel on top of the world.

"Really?" Mary seemed mollified, albeit still suspicious. Her tone brightened though as she spoke, "Well Snape, I must say that I'm glad to see a fellow DADA lover, although I feel that it's a shame that they don't teach us more...combat-orientated spells. You know, like shooting fire and covering people with boils and stuff; that sounds like it'd be a lot of fun."

"They won't teach us much of that, MacDonald." Severus scowled, still annoyed at how...boring DADA was under Dumbledore's headmastership. "That sort of stuff is mostly Dark Arts... I can teach you if you like though."

Lily let out a squawk of protest, but Mary's eyes widened with interest. "Really? Do tell me more...Severus was it?" She gave him a small smile, holding his hand as she spoke, "I'd very much like to hear it..."

A slight flush covered his face as he replied, "That'd be...alright, I guess."

Severus snorted in disgust as he thought about the dream, his eyes staring up at the warmly-colored canopy overhead as he tried to ignore the pain the his dream had caused him.

In 'reality', his actions had been much the same until after she introduced herself, where he had shot her down with a minimum of muss and fuss, as he had had no desire to make a fool of himself for someone who wouldn't even want to be his friend in the first place. Still, Lily had been quite disappointed, although she had tried hard to hide it.

According to this dream though, he had clearly been making the right choice when he chose not to make friends with her. In contrast to what he had done, his 'other self' had just let himself get taken advantage of by a mere slip of a girl, trying to use him under the masquerade of 'friendship'. It would have led to nothing more than the pain of disappointment, and he had been better off not suffering from it. After all, just because it was Lily's friend that wanted to use him...that didn't mean that he should let them do so.

Still, If that had been all, it wouldn't have been so much...but Severus hated seeing that beautiful, tantalizing temptation of love and friendship again and again. It hurt so much to imagine that he could have had Lily, even if in truth he knew in his heart of hearts that she would never have been satisfied with him. Perhaps he might have changed where he was sorted, but...

'No...do not be deceived,' Severus scolded himself, gritting his teeth as he lay amongst the black and yellow sheets and bedding, doing his best to ignore even the slightest twinge of false hope. 'That sort of self-delusion was what led to my greatest mistakes... I will not fall prey to them again, never again!'

He gave an empty, nearly-soulless smile as he mentally whispered, careful to not shout even inside the dubious safety of his own mind: "I will do what I can to keep her alive, enduring this thrice-cursed life once more until finally I can reach my rest, until finally I can sleep..."

"...forever."

"Pass me my textbook back, alright Evans?"

"Sure, here you go."

"Thanks."

Over her first month at Hogwarts, Lily ended up discovering that many of her hopes for friendship were to be shattered; her Slytherin housemates quickly got set into their own personal circles, save for one nice boy, while most of Hogwarts had a distinct dislike for Slytherins to begin with.

Luckily, Mary MacDonald didn't seem to share this prejudice, at least not in regards to her, although Lily got the distinct impression that she didn't care much for her roommates. Still, it didn't seem to reach the levels of certain of her housemates, so Lily was more than willing to accept her position on the matter. James Potter and Sirius Black on the other hand seemed to be a loss--she hadn't spoken to either of them since their talk on the train. She did hope that they would eventually change their minds, but for now at least they seemed to act as if she didn't exist.

As for the person she had hoped for the most, her supposed-prince, Severus...things had gotten rather complicated indeed. Her hopes for that friendship had also proven rather less than she had hoped for, given how her month had been.

Lily sighed as she watched him forlornly from across the Charms classroom; he hadn't looked at her once, not in four lessons of Charms nor three lessons of Transfiguration. Instead, he rapidly chose a different Hufflepuff partner for each class and retreated with them into a corner. As for speaking...Lily hadn't the courage to go up and talk to him, not after she had probably embarrassed him ever so greatly in their reunion, but she had also been disappointed that he hadn't done such either.

Severus sighed, giving his female partner a poke in the arm before jabbing his finger at something, probably another textbook. 'That would probably be of great help to me too,' thought Lily to herself with a sigh, even as she ineffectually attempted to cast that Wingardium Leviosa spell once again. 'This is just great."

"Cheer up, Evans. It's not like Charms is something stupid like Herbology, you know?" said the shaggy blond boy beside her, giving the redhead a small wink. "Bloody waste of time that is, if you ask me. Hell, if I was stupid enough to need to work on a Potion, I'd buy the blasted ingredients, you know?"

"It's not that," Lily whinged, even as her spell failed, again. Although copying Severus' technique as best as she could had proven to be a generally good idea so far this term, that didn't mean she could do it perfectly. "It's just...oh, nevermind!"

The boy's bright blue eyes looked her over in evaluation, before following her gaze. He snorted at the sight of Severus pantomiming something for the benefit of his seatmate. "That's what's bothering you? Geez, what a waste of time, Snape's a right wanker and-"

"-Don't use that word!"

"...a right jerk then. I heard that he's some Mudblood Vampire from the country, trying to suck all the magic out o' us, you know?" The boy shook his head, his skin shivering. "I'll bet he'll go afer Lucius Malfoy first, being a prefect an' a Malfoy to boot, you know?"

"Yeah...maybe," agreed Lily reluctantly, biting her lip as she watched the dark-haired boy. "But he does seem to know a lot..."

"Sorts like him do, trying to nose in on us." Mulciber crossed his arm, glaring at Severus as he spoke, "Probably wants to steal all of our best magic, he does, mark my words."

"How do you have Muggl-Mudblood Vampires anyway?" asked Lily curiously, her emerald eyes turning to look at the large boy beside her as Severus' partner turned away from him in an obvious huff. "Doesn't seem to make sense, if you ask me."

Mulciber frowned, seeming to think carefully, only to finally shrug his shoulders. "I dunno, but if anyone can do it, Snape can. Gives me the willies, he does."

Lily frowned, but turned to look at the Hufflepuff boy once again, even as he slumped back down in his seat. 'I dunno...he seems kind of...lonely...'

Still, she didn't voice the thought aloud, instead muttering, "At least I'd be better at Charms, Mulciber."

As she waved her wand again, causing a sound reminiscent of a bout of flatulance, Mulciber scrunched his nose in disgust, "You might have a point there, Evans. You might just have a point."

Holding her nose in one hand as she tried to fan the accompanying smell away with the other, Lily couldn't help but agree.

Shortly after class, still irked at the continual attempted-mothering (Really, what gave people the impression that he would actually want to talk to them?) and incompetence of his Charms partner, Severus strode off to lunch with a scowl.

It really was not pleasant trying to ignore Lily, not pleasant at all. Luckily though, he had gotten a lot of practice in the last couple years of his own schooling, so it was something he had some experience at. He knew most of her habits, even though some of them were a tad different from his recollection, so it made it quite simple to avoid her at meal-times or even in class.

He didn't understand why she had been so enthusiastic about seeing him again the night of the Sorting, but he knew it wouldn't have lasted, although her making friends with Arcturus Mulciber had been quite the surprise for him. Similarly, her sorting into Slytherin had shocked him greatly, and he wasn't sure what to make of her lack of skill in Charms either.

Still, it was for the best that he had nipped the whole thing in the bud, if one thought about it. There was only so much that things could change, after all. Besides, he neither would have deserved nor received anything in the long run by chasing his foolish dreams.

It still wasn't something he enjoyed though.

Severus sighed again, about to enter a rather unpopular secret passage that he knew would take him to the Great Hall when he heard raised voices coming from a little further down the corridor. His teacher instincts driving him to action before he could change his mind, Severus quickly swept over, lamenting the fact that his present robes just couldn't pull off a good billowing. Otherwise it would have seemed just like old times.

Turning the corner, Severus saw Sirius Black and that weird blond girl he had met on the train (now apparently in Ravenclaw) standing there, arguing. Or really, the girl standing there while Black had a wand pointed at her, grinning as she tried to talk her way out of the situation even as she kept one nervous eye on his wand.

"You know, Black, there's no reason that we have to resort to anything...violent. Just saying."

"And I'm saying that Remus didn't appreciate it when you called him a poor, pathetic, penniless, poorhouse-bound pauper. Apologize, or I'll hex you, girl or no girl."

The girl frowned, pursing her lips. "Well, I'll apologize for 'pathetic', but the rest really are true, you know?" Her tone of voice suddenly turned mocking, much to Severus' approval. "Ohhh! I forgot, he must be the Prince of Wales in disguise! Clearly, I must go and apologize for my foolish error!" She then smirked. "Or not."

Black's eyes hardened with anger, and he jabbed his wand at her chest. "Either do it now, or after you're black-and-blue, got it!"

As he saw this, realizing that Black was harrassing her, Severus smiled cruelly. 'This could be...enjoyable... I wonder how Black will like being the most hated boy in Gryffindor before the Halloween Feast even rolls around...'

He opened his mouth, about to take fifty points from Gryffindor for Black's actions...when he realized that he was no longer a bloody professor. That made things a bit more complicated, as it wasn't like Severus particularly wanted to get in a whole mess of battles with the Marauders again, not if he couldn't win all the time.

However, that didn't mean that he was without other options. A smirk on his face, pointed his wand at the boy and thought a quick, basic incantation for the Full-Body-Bind and fought the urge to laugh as Sirius collapsed to the ground, his body as stiff as a board... However, this task was made far easier by the fact that he also had to fight the urge to gasp at how much effort the spell took form him, even if it was non-verbally. Indeed, mere seconds later, he collapsed to the ground himself at the backlash.

"Bugger..." hissed Severus as he ducked back into the passageway beside him. He hadn't thought that even relatively simple spells cast non-verbally would still drain him so much.

Quickly, he tried to get away before someone could figure out who had hexed the Gryffindor boy.

However, he had already been spotted, by a pair of confused grey eyes...

Author's Note: There is a good reason for Lily's lack of skill in Charms, don't worry. Also, keep in mind that no-one except for Severus knows that she is a Muggleborn at this point, although she only suspects that he knows this.

As for future plot points...let's just say that when you mix two raging cases of low self-esteem (among a lot of other things), clearly you will end up with an easy road to happiness.

This was Betaed by the Anachronistic Anglophile, may she never miss a point of grammar.