Woo hoo! Hope everyone had very happy holidays! I got a laptop so this thing will be a lot easier!
Sorry about the bit of a wait but all good things take time, right? I have so many ideas of what I want to do with this story, and in the chapters to come we're going to be very busy getting it to where I want it.
Listen to Caring is Creepy by the Shins. Don't know why but that song never fails to get me in the mood for writing this. A lot of it is something I imagine the Joker saying to Jess or the lives of the twenty, especially the line "Never betray the way you've always known it is."
Nothing was ever very easy or convenient any more.
All Jess wanted to do was sneak quietly into her room and hide from the world for the rest of her life. But of course it wouldn't be that simple.
She slammed into Billy less than thirty seconds after leaving the green room.
"Jess!" Billy grabbed her wrists and she immediately started to struggle past him, not wanting him to see that, once more, she was crying. She hid her face behind her hair and attempted to rip her arms away from him, hysteria growing with every moment he battled her. She didn't realize she was sobbing until he pulled her into a comforting hug, whispered her name and stroked her hair, let her cry into his shoulder.
The sound of their scuffle had attracted more attention, the last thing Jessica wanted at the time, but down the hall tromped Blake, stopping short when he reached the crying Jessica.
"What'd you do to her this time," she heard Blake ask angrily.
She could only imagine the look on Billy's face as he glared at the other man.
"What happened, Jess?" Billy asked softly, burying his face in her hair. "What's wrong? Did you run into him?"
Jess only nodded, moaning in anguish, but she slowly pushed herself away from him, wanting to look him in the eyes and tell him that she was alright, no need to worry, sorry for the scare. She was just tired and last night had been hard. That's all. Nothing else happened.
She wanted to lie.
But she never got the chance, because what happened next… well…
It was kind of funny.
Jess backed away a bit and Billy smiled at her, brushing the curtain of tangled hair from her face, eyes flicking down briefly to the gash at her collar bone, fists clenching when he saw it but thankfully saying nothing. Then he met her eyes and Jess tilted her head up, about to tell him she was okay.
But the horror on his face stopped her. He stood frozen, his expression changed from one of soft comfort to complete disbelief, disgust. He stared at her as though she was some kind of mutant or monster or something.
As soon as Blake caught a glimpse of whatever Billy saw, he threw his head back in exasperation and muttered, "You've gotta be kiddin' me…" and turned away, laughing bitterly as though this was all simply absurd.
Billy wasn't laughing, however. He'd taken a step away, his face shocked and appalled, staring at the area around Jess's mouth in complete revulsion.
Jess was lost. She put a hand to her mouth. Had she suddenly sprouted fangs or something?
"Oh, Jesus, Jess…" Billy muttered, shoulders slumped, completely at a loss for words. "What the hell…Why? Oh man… Jess…"
"What an interesting turn of events…" The words came from behind them, mirth dripping on every syllable.
Startled, Billy, Blake and Jess turned towards the speaker, Jess's heart leaping when she saw the Joker standing casually in the doorway to the greenroom a yard away, smirking slightly, extensively amused by Billy. Then, a wave of dread and nausea washed over her.
They couldn't know, could they?
How could they possibly know?
There was a moment of silence as each person eyed the others. The Joker folded his arms across his chest and leaned indifferently against the doorframe when Billy turned on him, fists clenched furiously.
"Why couldn't you just leave her the hell alone?" he demanded, voice shaking.
The Joker's mouth split into a wide grin and Jess once more noticed how diminished the red makeup around his lips was, all smeared and blotted partially away.
Suddenly, she gasped in dismay and slapped a hand to her mouth, wondering, dreading, if his makeup had transferred to her own mouth.
"Poor, poor Billy," the Joker taunted, giggling a little. "Always the bridesmaid, never the bride."
Billy launched into action at this rather bizarre insult, suddenly more furious than Jess had ever seen him. He threw himself at the Joker violently and slammed him against the doorframe, the collar of his shirt balled up in his fist. The Joker was taller than Billy and Jess was fairly sure he could have fought back rather easily, but instead of making a move to push Billy off, he started giggling in delight, hands up in mock surrender. His laugh taunted Billy further and he brought up a fist to…
Jess didn't know. Punch the Joker?
That surely would have gotten him into trouble had Blake—wonderful, powerful Blake—not intervened.
Before Billy did something to get himself killed, Blake had pulled him off of the Joker, holding him back by the arms, patting his shoulder with one large hand, trying to calm him. The Joker looked a little disappointed by this but he simply adjusted the collar of his shirt and watched darkly as Blake held the struggling young man back.
Finally, Billy tugged himself out of Blake's hands, but instead of going for the Joker again he turned and made a beeline at Jess, grabbing the back of her neck and steering her roughly down the hall, away from all of this. Not wanting to cause more trouble, Jess hurried along, listening for the inevitable howls of mirth that were sure to come from the doorway of the greenroom.
But they never came.
The Joker wasn't laughing.
Billy hurried Jess towards the women's bathroom at the end of the corridor, lips pressed tightly together all the time, and when they got to the door he shoved her forcibly inside, closing the door after them and steering her to the mirror by the shoulders. Jess had no choice but to come face to face with her reflection.
It was much worse than she'd imagined. She had no idea how Billy hadn't noticed right away. Not only was her hair tousled, mussed up, and her lips swollen, the small cut the Joker had given her at the corner of her mouth still letting out little drops of blood, but the whole lower half of her face, from her nose down, was smeared with faded red and white greasepaint.
Jess screamed in anger and frustration as soon as she saw it, pushing away from Billy and the mirror and kicking a stall so hard the weak, rusting door bent off the hinges. She suddenly found herself hysterical, unable to keep down the temper tantrum that was starting to blow through her system. Blood pounded in her ears and her pulse was beating so hard she couldn't even hear herself scream, "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my fucking GOD!!" over and over. She ran up to the mirror and clawed wildly at her own face, trying to wipe the makeup off, finally slamming on the water and splashing it hectically into her visage. She was letting out strangled half screams, sobbing, unable to see herself through the hot tears in her eyes. She'd never been so embarrassed, nor could she ever remember being so angry, all her hot white hatred focused directly at the clown now probably smugly reapplying his makeup down the hall.
She screamed again and slammed her fist into the mirror, without effect, as she pictured his smiling face.
Her tantrum was winding down now, her sense returning, and she caught sight of Billy in the mirror, torn between terrified at her reaction—obviously he'd never been around to witness an angry young woman before and had no idea how to deal with it—and just as angry and disappointed as he'd been in the hall.
Jess grabbed a handful of paper towels, wet them and scrubbed her face hard until all traces of makeup, his and hers, were erased and her cheeks and mouth were just bright red from rubbing, the cut at the side of her mouth bleeding freshly. She wadded a few more towels and pressed them to the stinging incision at her collar bone, then sighed and looked away from the mirror, down to where the sink was stained red and white.
Neither Billy nor Jess had any idea what to say, so for a long time they just stood there in silence while Jess wept quietly, clenching the sink to keep herself upright.
Finally, Billy cleared his throat nervously.
"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, once more soft and strong.
Jess turned around to him slowly and walked forward to rest her head on his shoulder. With no hesitation, he rested a hand on her upper back and stroked her messy hair. This was why she loved Billy.
"It started off as self defense," she explained shakily, knowing it sounded ridiculous. Billy frowned, but didn't ask. "Then… I don't know… I guess we both got carried away."
This time, Billy did scoff. He slowly nudged her away so that he could look into her eyes.
"Carried away?" he asked in disbelief. "You realize what you just said to me, Jessica?"
Jess looked down, a hot blush of shame flaming her cheeks.
"I know it sounds crazy, Billy…"
"Yeah, crazy," Billy agreed. "And just fucking stupid. You don't get 'carried away' kissing the Joker. You just don't do that!"
Jess ran a hand through her hair.
"I forgot who he was," she said, because that was the only way she could think to possibly begin to explain it to him.
Billy threw his head back in disdain.
"You forgot," he repeated. "Somehow I find that difficult to grasp, Jessica."
"Why won't you just believe me?!" Jess cried at him.
"Why won't you just tell the truth?!" Billy snapped. Jess flinched and Billy threw an arm out in angry gesticulation. "For once, Jess!" he said. "Why can't you just tell me the truth?!"
"Because you'd never understand!" Jess screamed.
That shut him up. Billy back away from her, leaning against the wall, staring at her in silence.
Jess went on. "You'd never get it, Billy!" she exclaimed. "You don't know what it's been like for me! Like you said, none of you have any idea what I'm going through. I mean, Jesus, before this I was going to high school! I'd never done an illegal thing in my life besides smoking pot in my friend's basement! Now, all of a sudden, I'm in Gotham, a place I assumed didn't exist, and I'm aiding in every crime from… I dunno… sneaking into a courthouse to do God knows what, to attempting to find and kidnap the district attorney! It's a little overwhelming! And on top of all of that, I'm the only girl I've talked to in weeks!"
She took a deep breath, looking around frantically for some way to help her, but finding none. She couldn't stop talking now. She needed it out.
"And then, here you come, Billy. Sweet, supportive Billy, my rock, my best friend, the string that ties me to earth. I leaned on you, Billy. I depended on you more than I could say. And then…" she sobbed, "I find out you've been lying. And everything I've ever been taught about criminals is turned on its head because you are one and you're also the best friend I've ever had." At Billy's confused, contrary look, Jess added, "It's true. You can't know, but it's true. So, I'm thinking… How do I feel about the fact that the Joker kissed me last night?"
"You have to think about how you feel?" Billy asked.
Jess stared at him and he looked down, giving her leave to go on.
"So I'm thinking about it," she said, "and I'm disgusted because he's a criminal, an anarchist, a crazy villain. But, then, you know… to a lesser extent…" she looked up into Billy's eyes, "so are you. So are all of the Lucky Twenty. So are all of the people that I've grown to love. So the fact that he's a criminal is no longer a basis on which I can be disgusted by him. And when that disgust was gone, I come to realize…"
Jess stopped, not knowing what else to say. There was nothing conclusive in the way she felt about the Joker.
"I don't know," she said. "I don't know how I feel in his regard. And that opens the opportunity for a lot of things to happen. I mean, sure I find him attractive… past the scars he's really not bad… And I know he interests me. And then he threatened my life and all I can think is, 'Kiss him. Kiss him and distract him or die.' So I do. And then all these conflicting feelings rush me and I'm so busy trying to figure them out that before I know it, it's gone farther than I wanted it to, and he's more than distracted by me and I'm more than just trying to distract him…" Jess sighed. "And that's the story. Does that clear up any questions?"
She looked up at Billy, who was slowly shaking his head.
"Absolutely not," he said. "You're like him. I can't even begin to fathom what's going on behind those eyes. I do know that girls are weird and I'm glad I wasn't born one."
Jess half laughed, half sobbed.
"I think I'm starting to go crazy," she said.
Billy nodded.
"No doubt of that," he said, his tone playful. "You're crazy as a loon."
Jess smiled and rested her head on his shoulder when he came forward and put his uninjured arm around her. They sat there for a moment together, both silent. Then, Billy took a deep breath.
"You really think the Joker's attractive?"
Jess choked on her laughter.
"Why?" she asked playfully. "Jealous?"
"No!" Billy insisted, then, "… Yes… Maybe… I don't know. It's complicated." Jessica laughed and gave him a squeeze. "This situation sucks, Jess," he said, "but thanks. I'm just as confused as you at this point and pretty grossed out that you sucked face with the clown," Jess wasn't sure whether or not to be angry at that, "but, hey… We all have our own tastes, right? Unfortunately for me, you like the insane comic book villains."
Jess shook her head.
"Not really," she said. "I'm nowhere near liking him."
Billy leaned away from her, meeting her eyes seriously.
"You sure?" he said.
Jess looked away, wishing he hadn't asked her that. He took her silence in stride, however, and hugged her close again. They sat in the bathroom like that for a long time, each trying to sort out the future, each failing miserably.
Jess and Billy trudged back to the rec room after a bit, knowing that by now everyone would know. Blake believed that what one man knew, the rest should since they were a group, a family, a gang like the one Blake came from. Sure enough, as soon as Jess entered the room many of the men fell quiet and looked closely at her face for any trace of the Joker's lipstick. She rolled her eyes at them and headed to the kitchen section, realizing how hungry she was and once more reaching for the cheerios, determined not to let their curious looks get to her.
One of the men, a guy named Powers, leaned, smiling, against the counter beside her.
"How was last night for you, Jesster?" he asked.
Jess found that she didn't even really mind them calling her that anymore. It was inevitable. She gave him a nonchalant smile.
"Pretty fun," she said honestly. "I mean, there were parts I could've gone without but the whole evening was pretty cool."
"Isn't it a blast?" Powers asked, taking a sip of the beer he was holding. "Crime. What a rush. Hear you saw the Batman."
Jess nodded and shrugged. Truth be told, she hadn't really thought about the Batman since last night. A lot had happened.
"It was cool," she said. "He's huge. And dresses in black. And he mauled Billy's arm. What else is there to say?"
"Ah, come on," Powers said. "I've heard you gush about wanting to meet him. And you're unimpressed now?"
Jess smiled and leaned back, taking a bite of her cereal.
"I guess the idea of the Batman is more impressive than the real thing."
At that moment, the Joker walked in the room and turned his eyes on her, amused, obviously having heard this last statement. Jess stared at him defiantly.
"It's a bit like with the Joker," she said, eyes flicking back to Powers. "At first you're impressed. But after a while you realize he's just kind of… real."
It wasn't an insult, not really, but it was something. Jess looked back at the Joker, not sure if he had been listening or not. He was busy ushering through the door two men whom Jess had never seen before, both a little shifty looking, glancing around nervously, uncomfortably. Jess frowned and stepped forward, curious.
The Joker turned towards the room at large. The rest of the twenty had also noticed the two newcomers, and they were gathering around them, muttering theories on who they could be and why they were here.
The Joker's makeup had not been reapplied, Jess noticed. The area around his lips and cheeks was still smeared and diminished. Great. Now all she was going to be able to think about was kissing him.
"Hello, gentlemen," he said, smiling widely around at the group. "I, uh… I have some friends I want you to meet…" he clapped the two strangers' shoulders and they flinched at his touch but didn't move away. They reminded Jess of how she had been when she had first met the Joker: terrified but simultaneously, morbidly interested, drawn to him. The Joker ran a hand through his hair and licked his lower lip. "They're, uh…" he smiled, "from Arkham."
Jess let out a little gasp. These men were Arkham patients? Lunatics?
Jess didn't like that. Not one bit.
The rest of the Twenty didn't react as Jess did. They took this news, digested it, but stayed silent, listening now that he was talking. They knew better than to interrupt.
"They're gonna help us," the Joker went on, "with killing Dent."
"You know where he is, boss?" a man named Jonny Frost asked.
The Joker turned to smile at him.
"Sure I do," he said. "Sure. He's sitting in his big, cozy chair in one of the highest, most secure buildings in Gotham."
"So how do we get to him?"
The Joker closed his eyes briefly, a flash of annoyance registering on his face. Jess stiffened. He could do anything, go either way when he was in a mood like this. One never knew whether he would snap, go insane and kill someone or laugh loudly, highly amused.
"We're not getting him," the Joker said, lip curling at the corner. "Not tonight."
Jess hoped the questions would stop. He was getting seriously annoyed.
Thankfully, the Lucky Twenty saw this and no one said another word. The two men from Arkham shifted uncomfortably.
"So," the Joker went on, not enlightening anyone about their real plans tonight (not that Jess was sure they were fully formed at all. But she did know she wanted to go along) "These two fine gentlemen," he once more brought the attention back to the lunatics, "are Melvin White," he clapped the long haired, heavy set man staring blankly into the distance to his left on the shoulder, "and Thomas Schiff."
Schiff was taller, gaunt, with heavy dark circles under his eyes and shaggy hair. He looked paranoid, and his eyes darted everywhere, tongue flicking out and licking his lips. He reminded Jess a bit of the Joker and she wondered what flavor of insanity his was, because certainly the Joker shared that in common with him, at least to an extent.
"And now," the Joker said, looking around, "to business. We need a good group tonight, gentlemen. Who wants to come along? Hmm?"
Slowly, hands began to raise in the group. Jess noticed Blake, of course, and Laurence put their arms in the air. Then, to the surprise of everyone who saw, including her, Jess raised her hand too. Yes, she wanted to go. But until now she hadn't realized just how much she wanted it.
The Joker, as though he had been watching her out of the corner of his eye for the last while, immediately turned her way and smiled, then dismissed the Lucky Twenty after choosing four or five of them besides Jess. The group filtered out the door and Jess hung back to finish her cheerios while the rec room was slowly emptied.
After cleaning her bowl and putting away the cereal, Jess made her way down the halls, first to laundry room to grab her dress which, thankfully, had found its way into the wash and then to her little prop closet to grab her makeup.
Not bothering to turn on the light, Jess seized her bag and turned back to start to head for the bathroom, suddenly coming face to face with Blake, leaning casually against her doorframe.
"Hey there, Jesster," he said, smiling.
Jess grinned back at him, shuffling her feet a little nervously. There was something odd about the way Blake was looking at her right now, a little hungrily, as though she was a meal he'd gladly partake of, and it made her sort of anxious without knowing why. This was Blake after all. He'd never been anything less than a friend. He was nothing to be scared of. It was just the way that the backlight from the hallway lit up the grotesque scar on his face… That was a little frightening. But there was no reason Jess should want to get out of there as fast as she suddenly did.
"What's the haps, Blakey?" she asked, a little too lightly.
Blake grinned wolfishly, glancing down to the makeup bag in her hands.
"On your way to the bathroom?" he asked, also a little too casual.
Jess frowned, wondering what was in his mind.
"Uh… Yeah," she said, showing him the dress in her other hand to emphasize her point. "Gotta get all ready for tonight…" Blake nodded, but said nothing. Jess raised her eyebrows. "So… I'm just gonna go…"
She walked forward, pushing past Blake in the doorway, but his large hand closed around her upper arm and he turned her around abruptly to push her back into the doorframe. Jess had sort of expected this, so it didn't come as too much of a shock. But that still didn't tell her what the hell Blake wanted.
"What are you doing?" she asked, trying to shake his hand off.
He planted a palm firmly on the wall at the side of her head and leaned closer, pinning her there with his body. She placed her hands on his chest to try to push him off with absolutely no effect and he smiled.
"You don't really want the boss, do you?" he asked.
Jess struggled again but the man was massive, almost as tall and solid as Batman.
"Blake, what the hell?" she asked, laughing a little, trying not to be creeped out.
Blake put a hand on her jaw and raised her head to him.
"I mean, the guy can't be good for you," Blake said.
Jess looked past him to the hallway, praying for a rescue.
"I don't really want to talk about this," she muttered.
Blake smiled.
"Fine, fine," he said. "We don't have to talk. But as long as everyone's putting their cards on the table, I might as well throw mine in for consideration, too."
Jess frowned, confused, and suddenly Blake had swooped down and kissed her, his mouth firm and pressing, pushing her back into the doorframe. His lips opened slightly, but Jess kept her mouth firmly shut, trying to give him a hint while his hands went possessively to her hips. She made a noise of opposition and turned away roughly, hands flying out, pushing his chest away so that he stumbled back. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
"What the hell are you doing, Blake?!" she cried angrily.
Blake opened his mouth to retort when, from behind them, in Jess's room, they heard a distinct, low chuckle.
"Ouch, ouch, ouch," the Joker's voice said from the shadows in the prop room. He stepped forward slowly, regarding the two of them almost carefully, a smirk playing over his lips. "That must sting. Really. Not even I got that reaction out of her."
Blake's jaw clenched tightly and his fists curled into balls but he said nothing, just glanced at Jess--standing mortified in the same position--and then turned and stalked away. Jess groaned and put a hand to her eyes, trying to rub away the horror of what had just happened. She didn't put much stock into what Blake had just done--he was one of those people who just loved to compete, and if that meant for Jess, so be it--but the fact that the Joker had seen and heard it all made her want to explode.
Before she could get away and hide from him, the Joker had crossed the rest of the way through the room and now stood before Jess, taking Blake's previous position. She closed her eyes and waited for his witty, scalding remark, but he said nothing and she felt a gentle tug on her hair.
Her eyes flew open and she found him staring at a lock of her blonde curls, playing with it, twisting it softly around his finger. His expression was calm, almost tender, but when he noticed her looking that expression vanished and he pulled her hair down so that it hurt a little, smiling at her maliciously.
"So, Jesster…" he said, his other hand reaching down to clutch at her hipbone.
Jess let him kiss her, beyond the point of caring or trying to work this out. All she knew right now was that when the Joker kissed her--although she was half terrified of him killing her and half exhilarated--she didn't mind, but when Blake tried she immediately wanted to get away.
Oh God, what was wrong with her?!
This kiss was not tender, but nor was it frantic. It was open but nice, deep but not wet. One of the Joker's gloved hands cradled her neck and the other tapped her hipbone gently.
They kissed silently in the doorway for about a minute, but as the time went by, Jess could feel the Joker start to get agitated. His gentle hand on her hip began to tap out a rapid tattoo and he started rocking back and forth and up and down a little, as though he was torn between wanting to pull away and wanting to force her back into the room to continue.
Jess knew he was torn because, honestly, she was torn, too. A part of her mind screamed at her to shove him off while another part reminded her how nice his hands and lips felt.
Finally, the Joker broke away, breathing a little harder than usual, and slapped the doorframe a few times with his hand, giggling and making a little jump in the air.
Jess watched him without flinching and he laughed again, pushing his greasy hair away from his eyes and spinning around. He took her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake so she met his eyes.
"Does this mean we're friends, Jesster?" he asked, voice thick with laughter.
Then, he leaned down and gave her another rough kiss on the mouth, pulling away and laughing hysterically. He turned and walked off, still chuckling madly. Jess leaned back against the wall to catch her breath, watching him, confused. She couldn't understand that man.
Shaking her head, Jess decided to head towards the bathroom, wondering how much makeup was smeared onto her face this time.