Dark Night of the Soul

31. Flowers

Sitting by the campfire at the Ranger gathering, Will seemed to be lost in thought. Gilan, who was sitting next to him, wondered what had gotten into the verbose boy.

"Hey Will? Will? Wiiiiiiill," said Gilan, waving his hand in the apprentice's face. With a start, Will turned to Gilan, squinting suspiciously at the calloused hand being waved in his face.

"What Gil? Why are you waving your hand in my face? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Gilan sighed. "Questions, questions. I was waving my hand in your face because you were staring into space, and it was starting to creep me out," he said.

Blinking, Will said; "Oh, I was? Right! There was something I wanted to ask you."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"I remember that on the first day of my apprenticeship, when I looked around the cabin, there was a vase of flowers in each room. I never really thought about it much until now," he mused.

"Ah, yes," said Gilan. "I noticed that too. Strange, don't you think, that Halt would keep flowers in the rooms? I guess even he has a sense of décor," he smirked.

But Will was shaking his head. "No, no, no, that's not what I wondered about; I figured that one out long ago." Gilan's face was aghast, recoiling in bewilderment.

How could he have figured it out? Figured what out? What does he know that I don't?

Will, however, continued; oblivious to Gilan's shock.

"What I wanted to know was," Will paused, allowing an evil grin to overcome his countenance. "when does he go skipping off to pick flowers?"

Glance to the left, glance to the right; walk on as if normally…sharp glance to the left again! No one there. Satisfied that he wasn't being watched, Halt slinked invisibly through the shadows at the edge of the meadow. Pulling out a flower basket from his cloak, Halt proceeded to pick flowers. Yellow, pink, purple; daisy clover, violet. Soon, his basket was nearly full of fragrant flowers. It was dangerous, to be sure- what if Will caught him doing this? It would be humiliating in the extreme. So, he hurried with his task. But, he couldn't help but smile to himself, secretly of course, when he remembered why he bothered to decorate with flowers.

The first time Pauline had ever visited him, years ago, she'd pointed out that the cabin must be dull for one person. When he asked what she meant, she dragged him off to this very clearing to pick flowers with him.

From that day on, Halt always made sure he had fresh flowers to place in the rooms.

Halt stared into a daisy, as if it held the answers to all his life's questions. Just then, he heard a strange sniffling. Turning sharply, what he saw made him flush to the roots of his hair…

Gilan and Will leaned on eachother, sniffing and wiping away tears with grubby hankies.

"So beautiful!" sniffled Will.

"So touching!" sobbed Gilan.

"He mourns his unrequited lover who has brutally rejected him!" cried Will dramatically.

"Oh! The agony of his afflicted heart!" gestured Gilan tragically.

Halt growled. "I'll afflict your heart Gilan! Mortally! You better be sorry for yourselves if I catch you, 'cuz I'm sure not!" he took off after the delinquents, yelling dire threats, while they whooped in exhilaration, the tears suddenly vanishing.

"Halt likes to pick flowers! Halt likes to pick flowers!" chanted Gilan. Will, however, was starting to get worried. That look on Halt's face wasn't pretty… but then again, when was it ever?

"Gilan," he panted. "I have a feeling those flowers will decorate our graves if he catches us."

Gilan risked a glance behind them. He turned back, terror in his eyes. "You're right," he gasped. Unconsciously, the three shouted in unison:

"Curse you flowers!"

A/N Apparently, I'm terrible at writing "drabbles". It's too long!

32. Night

It was one of those nights. The ones where he felt incredibly… alone. He tried to tell himself there was no reason to feel alone. That he was surrounded by friends. But sometimes, just sometimes, he couldn't help it.

It's been many years since Skandia. I'm sick of feeling this way. It's ridiculous. How can I constantly remember all that happened? I thought these wounds had healed.

Will sighed, running his hands through his hair in frustration. It seemed like no matter how many times he closed that chapter of his life, on a night like this, it would open itself.

It wasn't as if he hadn't had support and guidance from his friends and Halt; he knew that there was nothing to be ashamed of at the feelings that could reduce him, in those months following his return, to a shaking mass of sweat and tears. He knew that the memories would come. But why, why after so long, did they continue to hold sway over him? How?

It's all very well to accept that I'll never forget it, but I'm so weak to still be feeling this way!

Halt told him again and again that it was nothing to be ashamed of. But that was then, all those years ago, when it was reasonable to suffer repercussions. But now, after so long, couldn't he just accept what had happened, and continue with his life? How could he be caught in this belittling whirlwind of fear?

This was the first time after half a year that Will had had a dark night like this. Without warning, he found himself in a fog. A fog of Warmweed. It wasn't so much the memories themselves that scared him, it was the Warmweed addiction. True, he'd been beset by nightmares before, but he couldn't reconcile himself to the Warmweed craving that would inexplicably sweep over him. Causing him to shake, and fear the effects of that powerful drug.

No, it wasn't the fear of Skandians, or the scourge, or Temujai, or frozen seas that gripped him. It was the fear of Warmweed sweeping over him that cast his soul into night.

A/N Ik that didn't end on a good night, but another prompt in this chap will finish it. Gosh, some of these are long enough to be oneshots…-.- somebody teach me to write an actual DRABBLE size thingy.

33. Expectations

Pauline brewed a pot of coffee. She was still in her morning robe, as today was a long awaited day off. Halt still had to work today though. As he sat down at the table, Halt accepted the mug of coffee with a grateful nod. He was already inhaling the scalding liquid when Pauline passed him a plate of eggs and breakfast cakes, and sat down with her own next to him. Pausing in his task to "good morning" Pauline, Halt was about to continue onto his second cup when she staid him with a hand on his arm.

"Halt, slow down. You know that all that caffeine isn't good for you at this age."

Grumpily, but recognizing her concern for him, Halt set down his mug. Yet he couldn't help but retort. "What do you mean 'this age'? Am I getting old?"

Pauline regarded him for a moment, before suddenly changing topic.
"Halt, you consider Will as your son, right?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Yes. I've said so before."

Ignoring the questioning inflection in his voice, Pauline continued.
"And you know I consider Alyss as a daughter."

Halt nodded acceptance.

"Well, they're our children then. Right?"

Still bemused, Halt nodded again.

"Well, that makes you a grandfather. And I think that safely labels you as 'aging' at least," she finished.

"Not all grandfathers are old. I can be a young- wait, grandfather?" His widened eyes rivaled the rim of his coffee mug.

Pauline tsked at him. "Never answer a question with a question, Halt," she teased. But he ignored her.

"You mean Alyss is expecting?" he said incredulously. Pauline rolled her eyes.

"With all these questions, maybe you're younger than I thought," she smirked, and Halt raised an eyebrow, composing himself and sitting back down . "Yes, Alyss is expecting," continued Pauline. "and with parents like Will and Alyss, I think we can expect a lot."

Halt nodded sagely. "That you can."

A/N Hey guys, guess what? I stink at writing endings. :P

34. Stars

And a heaven full of stars
Over my head,
White and topaz
And misty red;
~Sara Teasdale, Stars

Gazing into the velvet night, I marveled at the beauty and number of the stars; as if someone had sprinkled tiny crystals all over my best dark velvet, and they clung to it, pulsing and throbbing with a life of their own.

A tiny wail broke my reverie; looking down into my arms, night eyes met star eyes- My dark eyes rivaled the blackness of the night, and Sean's eyes shone as brightly as any star. Crooning softly to him, I rocked back and forth, turning my eyes upward again. The cold air almost stole my breath, and I wrapped Sean tighter to lift him in front of me. He nearly started to cry at being deprived of my warmth, but the brilliant sky caught his attention.

"Sean, someday, you will be king of all this land. But I think it would be greater to be king of the stars," I told him softly. "Yet, whose fault is it that you are the only one to inherit this kingdom?"

Tears welled in my eyes. I had never been close to Ferris, my brother; his older twin, on the other hand, was the best brother a girl could wish for. He was never gruff and cold before Ferris began hating him, though he was a boy of few words. He was kind, and gentle, and unselfish. He was brave, and strong, and courageous.
And he was gone.

Bringing my baby back into the warmth of my arms, I contemplated those glorious stars.

"Halt, do you see those same stars? Are you alive, wherever you are? I'll never forget you brother."

And in that thought, I found peace.

5. Hold My Hand

Growing desperate in his struggle against the powerful craving sweeping over him, Will bolted up and ran out of the cabin as if the Kalkara were after him. He didn't stop running; with no idea where he was going, he pumped his legs faster and faster, the chill air stinging him like a whip. It only made him run faster.

Diving into the forest, Will dodged and jumped and twisted out of the way of branches, over logs, and through undergrowth. But he couldn't escape from himself.

Will had been acting strange all evening. Alyss knew he sometimes got like this. He'd talked to her about it once, and he usually got over it by the next morning, or the evening after; but he'd been like this for five days. Alyss gave him space, knowing that he was the only one that could overcome this.

But this was too far. The whole cabin had been tense; Will struggling with himself, Alyss waiting for it to blow.

When Will bolted up and ran, Alyss knew it had.

Grabbing Will's discarded cloak on her way out, Alyss flung it around her shoulders and pursued. He was just disappearing out of sight, and she swept up her skirt, tucking it into her belt to free her legs, already running so she wouldn't waist time.

She didn't call, or try to get him to stop; she merely ran. Will was strong and fast, but if anything, Alyss was faster. Swiftly and silently in her soft shoes, Alyss was quickly closing the gap, when a sudden instinct screamed to be heard.

Veering sharply, she plunged into the trees at a sharp tangent. Sure enough, moments later, she heard Will crash into the trees. Starting to breath heavily, she pumped her legs faster. There! She spotted his back up ahead. But he wouldn't stop even if she did call out to him. There was only one thing to do…Attack a Ranger.

Without hesitation, she came up behind him, and as he leaped over a log, she bounded up on it and flung herself at his back, wrapping her arms tightly over his arms.

Yelling in alarm, Will tumbled off balance, and he rolled over and over, thumping over whatever was clinging to him. Ranger instincts took over and he burst his arms free, dug his boot toe into the earth, and sprung away, rolling to his feet. Spinning sharply, he drew his throwing knife fluidly, aiming at the spot where he broke free. But he didn't throw.

Panting, Alyss stared at him like a frightened doe. Will breathed heavily, straining to calm his heartbeat. With a shuddering breath, the knife slipped from his fingers, and he dropped to his knees.

"Will!" Alyss jumped up and knelt next to Will. "Will, snap out of it! Talk to me!"

Will looked up weakly. "I can't do this Alyss, it's too strong. I can't handle it!" Wild desperation crept into his voice. Alyss grabbed the back of his shoulders and wordlessly held him as tightly as possible; if he felt someone near him, the craze would dissipate and he wouldn't feel so alone as the madness rushed in. He moved slightly, and Alyss pulled him tighter.

"Will, I know you can pull through this! Hold on to me, you're not alone!" she said insistently. Alyss didn't know how badly affected he was, or if he even heard her, but she had to try.

"Alyss," breathed Will. He was still struggling against the urge to scream and thrash wildly. "Alyss, just go. I'm not worth it. You don't want a drug addict."

Shocked, Alyss rolled him over, forcing him to look at her. "Will, I most certainly won't. You need to pull though this! I know you can. Just look at me, hold my hand, and don't you stop!"

Will tried to look away, but she forced him to focus. That was the only way he could escape: by concentrating on something other than the panicked feeling. For a long time, they stayed there; Alyss holding him steady, and Will concentrating on her face, eventually sitting up. But he still didn't look away. Alyss stared at him, almost fiercely, softly talking to him. Just saying anything; nonsense, mundane things, chatter- letting him know she was there.

Suddenly, a familiar bark rang out, breaking their focus. Ebony bounded over to them alarmedly, sniffing Will's face and nosing Alyss with her cold nose. Releasing a long breath, Will patted Ebony, calming her jumping and bounding, smiling softly.

"Calm down girl, I'm alright now."

Alyss hugged him, this time in relief.

Will smoothed her hair apologetically. "Sorry Alyss. Are you hurt? That tackle was the craziest thing you've ever done. You could've been seriously hurt!"

"I know Will, I know. I knew exactly what I was doing."

Will frowned. "You didn't answer my question."

Hesitating, she said, "I'm fine. A few bruises never hurt anyone." Suddenly she looked sharply at him as he breathed in to talk, and she pointed her finger in his face. "And don't even dare blame yourself! I chose to do it," she said aggressively. Nodding in defeat, Will stood up, giving her a hand.

"Thank you Alyss. I don't know what I would do without you. I mean that."

As they walked back to the cabin in the starlit night, he held her hand tightly.

A/N There you are! Hope you like it. :3 Wow, the last chap was all fluff, this one is all angst. XD Review! And don't forget to tell me what ur fave is. ;)