So, I for one was incredibly disappointed with the finale. I think the writers are just asking a little too much of us, you know by doing the exact opposite of what EVERYONE wants and then ending the season. Well, I have faith in McSwarek regardless! So this is a flashback-less chapter, it's basically my interpretation of the finale. I'm doing my best to stay true to the show, but obviously I'm going to get them back together now that we're no longer at the mercy of what the writers do. This is going to be a sad chapter, but don't worry! I'm going to try to update soon and it's going to get GREAT!

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.

He shook his head, "I wish I was more like you."

It was true. The day she said it, the day she told him how she felt, that was the day that opened his eyes. She was so confident, so open, and so happy. She didn't hide what she thought, and she wore her heart on her sleeve. Being honest, telling people how she felt, it all made her a genuinely happy person, and he knew it was why she had such a magnetic personality.

"What are you-"

"I wish you were in my head," he continued, "I wish you could read my mind."

The walls he'd built up to keep people out, to keep people from seeing what was underneath, they melted away around her. Yet somehow, she didn't know how strongly he felt. He let his guard down, sure, but not enough. She couldn't see it. His behavior off the job wasn't appreciably different than on the job. He was less controlling, yes, a little bit sweeter, sure, but never completely open with her. He was never Sam. There was always just a little bit of Swarek still lingering behind his eyes.

A single tear cascaded down her cheek.

"What are you talking about?" She responded; obviously annoyed at his ambiguity. He looked at her. Studied her. He stared into her deep, brown doe-eyes. Even with a grenade in her hand and anger in her heart, her eyes still held promise and trust. Those eyes were all that mattered to him right now.

He paused. He reconsidered it.

She was holding a bomb.

Maybe this wasn't the time.

"I love you, Andy." It slipped out. He couldn't keep it in any longer. She needed to know.

She could see the absolute terror in his eyes, and she knew it had little to do with the grenade in her hand.

"I do." He gulped.

Another tear followed suit, tracing the path of the last.

"Sam," she looked into his eyes, confused as ever, "I'm holding a bomb."

"You were brave back there…" he started, testing the waters as he sat slumped next to her locker. He rubbed his hands together, staring at the floor gravely.

"No." She cut in quickly, "Katie was brave." The waters were icy cold, he concluded.

"Andy," he chose his next words carefully, "what I said to you…" he tried to finish his thought. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't want to come. There was a long pause.

"It's okay. Heat of the moment. I get it." She put her phone in her pocket, rushing to get out of that locker room. She had the complete wrong impression. He couldn't let her think that, that he'd said it on a whim. He stupidly didn't say it back to her, he stupidly broke up with her, and then he said it at a stupid time. He'd wanted to say it for months, but he didn't. Stupid Sam really needed to go.

"No." He took a deep breath. "I meant it." He said honestly, standing up to face her. All of a sudden, looking into her eyes, he was terrified. Terrified that she had moved on. Terrified of opening up. Terrified she didn't feel it too. Terrified of rejection. So he did the only thing he knew how to do when he felt vulnerable. He let stupid Sam take over.

"It's true. There are 206 bones in the human body, I saw it on Grey's Anatomy." He laughed, raising his arms as she turned to grab her bag.

Stupid Sam was back.

She didn't know how she felt about Sam's sudden 180. He went from breaking his promise and completely ignoring her for weeks to telling her he loved her, and all but begging for her forgiveness.

"Andy," she knew what he was going to say. "What I said to you…" She heard him pause. He wasn't going to say it again. He'd said it on a whim in the first place. She'd been holding a bomb, neither of them was thinking clearly.

"It's okay." She finished for him. "Heat of the moment. I get it." She was giving him an out. A get out of jail free card. She didn't want him to feel obligated to say it again, it had felt forced in the first place. Now she understood where he was.

She'd thought from day one that Sam was endgame materiel. The way she felt around him, the way he protected her, showing how he felt without ever having to say it; she loved everything about him and was willing to fight for him. But this? This was out of character. For two years, he'd been the stable one. Despite Luke, Jo, her mother, he'd always been steady. He'd been her rock. That night outside the Penny, that was the night she started thinking that she'd never really known him at all. That the only time he'd fight for her was when she wasn't his. She couldn't forgive him for breaking the one promise he'd made to her. When she returned from suspension, they took it slow. She let him set the pace; she didn't try to push him. She'd never asked anything of him except that- not to walk out the door without a fight. And that was the one thing he didn't do. Fight.

"No." Now he was fighting. A good sign. She listened. "I meant it."

She looked at him, curious. The relentless optimist within her showed and she gave him a chance. To explain himself. She knew it wouldn't be right, that she'd be selling herself short, but all she wanted was to hear him say it. That he loved her. That he'd fight for her.

"It's true. There are 206 bones in the human body, I saw it on Grey's Anatomy."

Strike three.

She bit her bottom lip, wondering how she could be so stupid. He had never opened up, never once told her how he felt about her. Why should she expect anything else from him now? It literally took a life-or-death encounter to force him to tell her how he felt. He was just as emotionally immature as before. Exasperated, she grabbed her bag, making a beeline for the door. She was finished. She'd had an emotionally overwhelming day, and boyfriends were supposed to make it better, not do… this. She was finished.

"I'm going home." She honestly wished that he'd just give up. He'd shown her what he was just a second ago. He had no chances left.

"Come on!" He chased after her, nearly yelling. "McNally!" She turned around, getting annoyed at the scene he was making.

"You don't get to do this anymore, okay? I don't care if you're serious, I don't care if you're joking." Trying to avoid making an even bigger scene, she lowered her voice, nearly hissing at him. "I don't care anymore." She shrugged, indicating her indifference.

"Just leave me alone." She finished, turning away from him to walk out the door.

"I don't care anymore." He saw the conviction in her eyes, shrugging him off. "Just leave me alone." She started for the door. He was most certainly not letting this happen again. He promised her he wouldn't walk out without a fight. Better late than never.

"No. I'm not going to leave you alone." He followed her through the door, ignoring his colleagues completely.

"I screwed up, okay? Things got tough and I walked away. I thought I was doing the right thing!" As complicated as it was, he did think he was doing the right thing. Seeing her now made him realize how wrong he was.

"Do you have any idea what you put me through?" She was finally fighting back. He wanted to hear it. He wanted to hear her say how angry she was, so he could understand. Promise her it would never happen again. That he would learn from his mistakes.

She was whispering, trying to avoid getting the attention of their coworkers. "You broke up with me in a parking lot and for six weeks I tried to contact you. You didn't answer one of my calls!" "Andy…" He needed a chance to explain. A chance to do something.

"No!"

"Andy, I'm…"

"Sam, it's too late!" She shrugged, turning to walk away for the second time. "I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore." He followed her again. This was the time. No jokes, no stupid Sam. He was going to spill his dreams. The things he imagined in his head, the things he wanted for them. The future he had so royally screwed up.

"You don't have to do anything, okay? You don't have to do anything!" He was all but begging at this point. "I'm gonna do it all!" He pleaded, "I'm gonna do everything, okay? I'm going to show you, every single day, until you say yes. I'm gonna make you dinner, I'm gonna take out your garbage, I'm gonna walk your dog." He knew she didn't have a dog, but he couldn't think of another household chore.

"I don't have a dog." She shrugged; as if that was the reason she couldn't say yes.

"Then let's get a dog." He continued relentlessly, "Labradoodle, mutt from the pound, I don't care. Let's bring him home and call him Boo. Boo Radley. I've always loved that for a dog."

"Boo Radley." She repeated, chuckling under her breath. She stared at the floor, her smile disappearing. He took a breath, knowing they couldn't just jump from this to that. He needed a middle step.

"Okay, look. Can we just start with a drink? Just a drink. Please. Andy. Just give me a chance."
She shrugged. Not a good sign. He pressed on. "I'll be at the Penny."

He walked away, hoping his brutal honesty would convince her. That she too was picturing them curled up on the couch with Boo ten, fifteen, twenty years from now. He'd all but gotten on his hands and knees and begged. Now the ball was in her court.

He stared into the tequila in front of him as if it held the answer. She wasn't there. She hadn't come. Every time the door opened, his head whipped around with just an ounce of hope, and every time he was disappointed.

The Penny wasn't a commitment. It was just a drink. It didn't mean she was saying yes, it didn't have to mean anything.
Yet she still didn't come.

"Sam, it's too late"

He kept replaying her responses in his head. Searching for a word, a reply, something that meant he had a chance. That the door hadn't shut completely. Nothing.

He wouldn't accept that. Too many times in his life he'd sat back and just let it happen. He hadn't fought back; he'd just taken the punches and carried on.

Not this time. This wasn't a little thing, this was everything. This was Andy. From the first day they were partnered up, he knew. Something was special about this girl. Her honesty, her openness, her ability to see the good in people, to love people indiscriminately, her fire and passion for the things she loved. She challenged him. She kept him on his toes. She made him a better person. And the truth was, he needed her. He couldn't exist in a world where she did but not with him. The last few months, though he was still closed off, had been some of the best of his life. And if he had a chance to do it again, he'd do it so, so much better. This was Andy.

She wondered how long he'd been sitting at the Penny. Would he stay all night, waiting for her? She would have gone. Maybe it wouldn't have been the right thing to do, maybe her mom wouldn't approve, but she would have gone.

"I'm gonna show you, every day, until you say yes."

Those were the words she wanted to hear four months ago. Those were the words she would have liked to hear a week after he broke her heart. But six weeks? Six weeks was a long, long time to be completely ignored by the man she loved.

"Just give me a chance."

She kept replaying those words in her head, and each time they broke her heart. She knew he was hurting after Jerry, should she give him a pass? Just this once? Somehow or other they'd end up together. She didn't believe in soul mates, but Sam had changed the game for her. She couldn't just date people now, because she knew nobody would live up to him. But he'd broken his promise, and her heart. He needed to know that this wasn't a little mistake that he could just talk his way out of.

And then Luke came along.

Sam was still the same person, she told herself. He wasn't going to change. She couldn't be that girl who can't get over that guy who can't grow up.

I know, I know. It's sad. Keep faith!