A/N: Heyyy! Been awhile, yeah? Sorryyy! I've been...lazy and busy playing the new kingdom hearts game, haha. I don't have much to say, I'm just glad I wrote more to this. Small yaoi scene in here, but nothing crazy. Savin' that for later! Hey, you guys should let me know if you've got any ideas. I feel like all I'm writing is filler! Hope you enjoy though! xP

White Noise-

Chapter Six; Make me forget my name

Enough was enough. I had just about fucking had it. No more Mr. nice Mello.

I used the palm of my hand to slap the redhead forward.

"The fu—?"

"You've been playing that fucking game for five hours!" I screamed, eyes flaring.

His head was slightly turned; his eyes blinking widely at me like a deer in headlights. "No need to shout…"

Glaring down at him I said, "I've been asking you every ten minutes if and when you'd be done."

He looked sheepish suddenly. "Really?"

My eyes narrowed. "Really."

"Well shit!" He hopped up from his spot on the ground and suddenly wrapped his arms around me. "You've got my attention now. What is it that you wanna do, Marshmellow?"

I used a hand to push his face away from mine. The proximity was suffocating. "For one, don't fucking call me that. And two, I don't even care. Anything but this."

His sneaky eyes went straight to the bedroom.

My fist went straight to his face.

"Owww! Mello!" he whined, cradling his cheek.

"Let's just…go out or something. This apartment smells and I'm bored as hell."

Matt sighed and straightened his posture, staring at the ceiling. "Hmmm…" He pondered for a bit then finally turned back towards me. "I know this one place! We can even drink. No strings attached."

My eyes glared as his sparkled. "…What kind of place?"

A wolfish grin overtook his features. I felt like maybe…this was a really bad idea.

XxX

"It's right up here," Matts voice startled me a little but I nodded.

Out the window was a small club, flashing lights and bright neon words. I didn't care to read any of them. The only thing on my mind was alcohol.

That sounded bad.

It's not that I really wanted to drink…just the thought of forgetting all my worries and problems was really tempting. I needed this. An escape. If only for a moment.

I exited the car after Matt did and started walking by his side. As soon as we entered the building two girls came up to us and…attached themselves to the boy beside me.

"Matt!"

"I've missed you!"

"Heyy now, ladies…"

My eyes narrowed and I walked away from him, seating myself at the bar.

"Can I help you?"

My eyes focused on the bartender and I blinked a couple of times. "Can I have a…Mike's hard lemonade please?"

The girl's eyes wandered me up and down; I was really starting to think she was going to ask for an ID. She didn't though, just nodded and went off to fetch me my drink.

In a few moments I felt a hand on my back, which I instantly wanted to cut off.

"Mello…why'd you walk away?"

"Are you going to sit down and drink or stand there like an idiot?"

I heard him huff but he sat down next to me.

The music was annoying. It smelled like perfume.

Was this some kind of whore house too…? The only thing I could hear were a bunch of giggling girls.

A drink was placed in front of me and Matt ordered his own. I quickly began drinking and he laughed beside me. I sighed and turned towards him.

"What the fuck are you laughing at…?"

"You…" he giggled some more, "That's such a girly drink."

I scowled at him. I had nothing to say to such a childish person. So instead I kept drinking. I was planning on getting smashed. I didn't even wanna remember my own name.

Soon I had to order another.

Matt watched as I drank my second bottle.

"You're really going to keep drinking those?"

I nodded and sighed as a girl hugged the redhead from behind.

He regarded her with wide eyes and began talking to her, I became invisible. And for some reason that…really pissed me off. My fingers clenched around the drink in my hand and I reached inside my pockets. I…hadn't brought any chocolate or cigarettes…

Though Matt always had cigs.

They were just barley sticking out of his pocket and I grabbed them, bringing out my own lighter to light one.

He hadn't even noticed.

Of course he didn't.

I was about to take all of them out and brake each one in half. But that was when someone approached me from my side view. It was a man, very tall and a little muscular around his shoulders. He had short blonde hair and a smirk across his face.

When he reached me he rested an elbow on the table and placed his face inches from mine. "Haven't seen you here before. What's your name?"

My nose twitched at the smell of his breath. It was overbearing with the stench of alcohol. I tried backing away a little but my seat wouldn't really allow it.

"Back off," I growled under my breath. I didn't even know if he heard me.

"You're really cute…" he whispered, placing a finger in my hair.

He was so drunk he thought I was a girl…perfect.

"Look buddy, I'm not a girl, so get the fuck away fr—"

His hand grabbed my shoulder and he forced me forward so my lips connected with his. Anger flared inside of me and I used my foot to kick him in the stomach.

That was when, finally, Matt realized something was going on.

"The fuck was that?!" he screamed, grabbing a fistful of the guy's shirt.

The guy smiled and punched Matt in the gut. Mine hurt just watching.

A few bottles crashed to the floor and I felt sick. Matt's lip was bleeding. This was so stupid.

"Matt!" I yelled his name and his eyes connected with mine. He managed to kick the guy backwards into a table and he ran after me.

I hadn't even been in there more than twenty minutes and it was already a disaster. I was just cursed. That was the only explanation.

He put his hand in mine and I glared. "Stop."

"Stop what?"

"I'm tired…Let's just—"

His phone rang and I sighed. He began talking on the phone, again in some other language. I wondered for a moment how many he knew, and then I remembered I didn't give a fuck if he knew all of them.

When he finally got off the phone it was already getting dark. I could not believe I had already spent almost two days with this…idiot.

"Did that guy scare you? What's wrong?"

"Well, he kind of kissed me. I don't know if you saw that or if you were too busy sucking face with your little whore friend. Honestly, I don't even care. How about you take us back to the apartment so I can get my things and you can take me home."

He just raised an eyebrow at me. "Look, Mello. Are we going to go through this every time you get pissed off at me or just on special occasions?"

"You don't even have to fucking deal with it! Just take me home and I'll be out of your fucking hair, alright?!" I was already mad that I had some slobbery drunk all over my lips only seconds ago and Matt wasn't making this any easier to handle.

"You…" He shook his head but stayed quiet for some time.

I growled and grabbed his keys. "Get in the car!"

Once I slammed the door behind me he just stared at me through the windshield. The more I glared at him the more I wanted to cry and throw everything I could see at his stupid face. I wanted to scream at him. He ignored me in an instant for those girls. Even though he said he didn't want girls. He said he wanted me. But all…all he does is lie.

Tears dripped down my face and I rubbed them away quickly, hoping he wouldn't see. But he did. And he came to my side of the car and opened the door.

My heart sped up when he reached his arms into the car and wrapped them around my neck. "Why are you crying, Mello?"

"I hate you…" I told him, resting my head on his shoulder.

He laughed a little. "Hate me? Whys that?"

"I can't trust you…"

"…I don't even trust me, so maybe that's a good thing."

What a great thing to say about yourself.

I stopped crying and shoved him away. This was all too much to deal with. And I hadn't even gotten the slightest bit drunk.

I placed the keys in his hand and ordered him to drive. He did and then it was quiet. And…I kept thinking. I had to go home that night. Besides…I started school in two days. And I had to fix things with my friends before that happened.

I felt sad and scared. I was afraid to go back home, scared of what my friends would say or think. I hadn't even checked my phone yet, I was sure there were plenty of missed calls and messages from them. They were probably furious at me.

So basically I was going back to a war zone and starting college. I wasn't in any way excited to go home.

But…staying any longer with the redhead was defiantly a bad idea. He was all kinds of wrong for me and the more attached I became to him the harder it would make everything.

I had to say goodbye.

When we reached the apartment there was someone at his door once again. Matt grinned at them and I was the last one into the room. As Matt began selling more drugs I went into his room and began packing up my things. I guess he finished his sales quickly because he was at the door in a few minutes. One arm was placed above his body, leaning onto the door frame, his other in his jean pocket.

"What's all this?"

His stupidity wasn't even really astounding anymore. It was so normal it hardly fazed me. "You're taking me home tonight. Either that or I'm calling a cab."

He looked surprised, his posture changed. "You're being serious…?"

"Of course I am. I start college in two days," I told him, zipping up my bag. His eyes grew as wide as saucers. I don't think I had ever seen him more stunned. "What's with the face?"

"You can't leave!"

I was taken aback by his words. Just what did he mean…?

"I kind of have to, Matt. Let's not be childish."

"You…can't leave…"

It was hard to believe that this boy was older than I was, if only by a few years. He was about as mature as a six year old.

"What part of 'I start college in two days' didn't get through your thick skull?"

It seemed like what I said halted him. It was like he just didn't understand. Why couldn't he get it…?

I sighed heavily and grabbed my bag, hauling it over my shoulder. "Just let me go, Matt."

His eyes narrowed and he stood in front of me. "No."

My face contorted into one of rage and disgust. "No?! That's all you can say. 'No'?!"

He grabbed my wrist and brought me closer to him, staring me down. "You can't leave."

I groaned loudly, fighting in his grip. "Would you stop saying that?! I'm sick of you!"

"You can't."

"Fucking watch me, you asshole."

"I won't let you."

"I'll call the fucking cops!"

"No you won't."

"Arghhh!" I kicked him in the shin and he buckled a little. "Fuck you! Leave me the hell alone!"

"Stop fighting me!" he screamed and my eyes went wide. "That's all you do! If you would just calm down for two fucking seconds and listen!"

"Listen to what? You're childish drabble that pisses me off? Hell no! I won't!"

"You like me, Mello. I know you do. If you didn't you wouldn't have come here with me."

"No! I hate your guts!" Somehow I was crying in my rage. I fucking hated crying.

"No, you don't," he told me calmly.

I closed my eyes tightly and felt the tears stream down my face. He was right…slightly. Sure, I liked him a little. I liked his stupid smile and the things he said. But I think I hated him more than I liked him.

So instead of fighting anymore I just collapsed on the ground, sobbing.

He let go of me and I placed both my palms on the ground. It felt dirty. I felt dirty. I felt ashamed and confused and scared. I didn't know what to do.

Matt knelt down next to me and I could smell the cigarettes on him. It was as if he was smoking one right then. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I instantly swatted it away. "Go away…" It sounded like I was on mute. I could hardly hear myself.

He sighed above me and then after a while he stood up and left, closing the door behind him.

I was…being held captive. I was being forced against my will to stay with someone I hardly knew. What if I missed my first day of school? How would that look? Would they kick me out? Would I have to explain myself to them? What if he…never let me leave…?

Turning to my bag I ripped it open and pulled out my cell phone. With a deep breath I turned it on and watched as the messages and missed calls came flooding through.

"Mello? Where are you? What happened?"

"Dude, what the hell is going on?"

"Are you okay?"

"Hey, what's up?"

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"Light is really angry…"

"Please just talk to me, Mello. This isn't going to go anywhere if you just keep ignoring us."

"If you even care you'd answer."

"I've seriously had enough of you."

"Hope that redhead and you are getting along. Never really thought I'd have to text you but I just wanted to let you know that you're quite the grade A asshole, sincerely, Near."

"Near said you ditched us for that guy…how could you do that Mello? I really needed you…things are falling apart without you here…please answer me."

"I guess you really don't care…I miss you though…we all do. Light and L…I think that they are together now. I can hardly stand looking at him anymore. I wish you were here, I'd feel so much better…"

My heart was throbbing in my chest. My stomach was in knots.

I really was a grade A asshole just like Near said…

My friends would probably never let me live this down…maybe I'd have to start all over.

And it was all because of him. He did this to me.

No…I did this to me. He just helped. I was the one who decided to leave them. I was the one who fucked everything up. If I could have just said no and…just stayed…

I had to fix things. I had to make everything right again.

I quickly dialed Misa's number, I figured she would be the best to talk to; at least she wouldn't hate me…probably.

It rang a few times and then she answered. "Mello…? That really you?"

"Yeah…Misa I'm…" I was crying still, my voice was overcome with the sound of tears. "I'm so sorry, Misa…"

"What happened? Is everything okay?"

I knew she wouldn't hate me…thank god.

"Not really actually…" I glanced around the room, afraid that Matt would come in. "I…I left with that guy, and he…he won't let me leave."

There was a pause and then, "What do you mean by that?"

"I told him I had to leave. We all start college in two days! But he…he keeps saying I can't leave. That's all he says, Misa. I think I like him but I can't…goddamit, I can't stay here anymore!"

"Should I call the police? Tell me what to do, Mello. I want to help you."

I sniffed a little and answered. "Even…after I ditched you…? Even after everything that's happened?"

"Of course. You're my friend, Mello. It doesn't matter what happens. I care about you."

I was overwhelmed with her kindness. For some reason it was strange to hear from her. Usually I just thought of her as the dumb blonde in which I could get some laughs out of now and then. But right then it was as if she was the savior I desperately was hoping for.

Again I glanced around the room. I don't really know what I was searching for. A way out maybe…I wanted all of the confused emotions inside of me to just take a rest. I wanted to see things clearly, like I usually did.

But for some reason…nothing was coming to me.

"Mello?"

"Yeah sorry I…" I bit my lip and wiped a few tears from my cheek. "I think you've already helped me, Misa…"

"I have…?" she asked.

"Yes. Is it okay if I call you when I get home? Maybe we can hang out for a bit. I'd like to talk to everyone…"

"Mello…are you sure you're going to be okay?"

I nodded but then realized she wouldn't be able to see that. So I said, "Yeah."

"Can I call you back in a few hours? Just to be sure?"

I smiled. "Yeah. That'd be fine."

"Okay. I'll see you soon then?"

"Of course. Thank you, Misa."

"You owe me big time, Mells. Just so you know," she said with a slightly sly voice.

"Oh, I know…"

"Good! Bye!"

She hung up and I put my phone away and stared at the door.

I felt determined suddenly. As if Misa had given me the strength to stand up for myself. I was so glad I had called her.

I had had enough of Matt's bullying. It was time I did something about it.

The door opened loudly and of course the idiot was sitting on the floor again, cigarette hanging out of his mouth and game controller in his hands.

He turned a little when he heard me open the door. "Were you on the phone in there?"

"We need to talk." I walked over to him abruptly, taking a stance by the TV. I eyed the power cord sticking out of the wall and quickly unplugged it before he could have a say. His eyes twitched and I smiled. "Now that I have your full attention there are a few things I'd like to say."

"Hell of a way to start, but uh…go on…" It looked like he was holding in his rage. It made me want to laugh.

I crossed my arms and made eye contact with him. "First of all: I'd like to say that I am not your play thing and never will be. I am not something that you can just order around and bend to your stupid whims. Secondly: I believe that I told you I start school in two days. My school is in my home town, which is about an hour drive away from here. I see a few problems with that. The fact that I am here and not there is defiantly one of them. Now, regarding my former attempts to inform you, thirdly: I will not ever be told what I can and cannot do. You need to understand that soon, or else things are going to get really fucking ugly. I'd like to end on the note that I will be leaving shortly whether it applies to your will or not. Any questions?"

The cigarette in his mouth slowly fell into the ashtray on the floor. His mouth dangled open slightly and the look on his face was just comical. It seemed like I had finally won against him.

"Uhh…yeah, I've got a question?"

"Indulge me."

"Why do you want to leave so badly?"

My eyes grew wide but then I narrowed them. "What kind of question is that? After everything I just said, that—"

"You can just live with me, you know."

I laughed harshly. "That's insane."

He shrugged, finally picking up his cigarette. "Not really. I just offered you free room and board. And free love!"

He was ultimately the stupidest person I had ever fucking met.

"You seriously need to think about what you're saying…"

"I've thought about it plenty," he said, puffing on his cigarette, "Living with you'd be awesome. Sure you've got a few quirks—"

"OH I've got quirks?!"

He slapped a hand to his forehead. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean that to be offensive I just…gahhh…" Scratching his head and said, "I'm really confused about everything right now. All I know is that I want to spend time with you, no matter what. I just want to get to know you better. I like you a lot, Mello. And I think that I'd really like you even more if we stayed together."

"You just want sex."

"Not true."

"You're such a liar!"

"Yeah well, you're a drama queen!"

"I am not! You just piss me off!"

He was standing up, inches away from my face. "Cause you can't accept that you like me!"

"Because I DON'T!"

"YES you DO!"

"Shut up!"

His hand wrapped around the back of my neck and he pulled me forward. Our lips connected and I couldn't think anymore. I wasn't mad or sad or scared. I couldn't even tell what I was. It was like everything just fell apart. Like nothing mattered anymore. I didn't even care…

His tongue parted my lips and a warm sensation filled me. I loved feeling like this. But I didn't understand how he could just quell me so easily.

Both our mouths were open, out breath hot around us. It was foggy and hot. For some reason I wanted more of him. First his hands stayed on my hips but I figured he got bored of that quickly because they shifted to the back of my pants. One slowly slid down past my underwear and his rough hand grabbed my ass tightly.

My wretched throat made a small noise that I couldn't hold back. I bit my tongue after that and used a hand to push him away. Obviously he didn't move much. "That's…enough…"

"All I wanna do is touch you," he said in a husky tone.

My lips tumbled and he nuzzled into my collar bone, biting the flesh there. My heart was about to burst. Whenever he so much as moved a finger I could feel it and it sent chills all over my body. I was starting to…actually like it.

He began sucking on my neck the hand in my pants was ghosting further downward. It was all I could do to try to not moan any louder.

"Mello…?" he said my name suddenly, licking my neck.

I took in a short breath. "What…?"

"Can I…do something for you?"

My heart was beating like a drum. I wasn't totally sure what he was going to say but I had a strange feeling I wasn't really going to be up for it.

I didn't answer. So he picked me up and placed me on the couch. My mind was swimming in thoughts and questions about myself. I tried hard to push them away.

Matt's eager hands went for my pants zipper. I swallowed thickly.

His eyes went to mine and I just…laid my head back. What was the point in stopping him now? Did I really not want this? Did I really care at all either way…?

I hated him.

But I loved this.

He slipped my pants down and smiled at me. "Can't believe you're just sitting there like that…"

"Shut your mouth or I'll punch you."

"Yes sir, Mello."

Before I knew it, he had his lips around me. If I had thought that kissing him made it difficult to think, then this was a whole other ball game. My gut was burning with fire and my hands were clenching the fabric on the couch. It was amazing…just…amazing. Even if it was…really weird at the same time.

I hadn't had a blowjob in hell knows how long…and Matt gave new meaning to the phrase.

My hips couldn't help but shift forward, the redhead held them down with one hand, the other was stroking me along with his mouth. The heat was almost too much to bear. I didn't think that my breathing could go any faster.

I had long since forgotten to keep my moans in; instead I was letting them out, most sounding strange from my lips. I could feel his tongue running up and down my shaft; the way he did it had me forgetting who I was. When he started to move faster I couldn't hold it any longer.

"Matt…I…" I could hardly speak. I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth.

He didn't move though.

I came and it was amazing.

When he pulled back he looked at me and smiled.

And my heart sunk into my stomach.