Disclaimer-I do not own any of the Sons, except Kozik, and any OCs. I do own NOMA. I'm also psyched to "meet" Gogo and Greg the Peg, because Chris Browning and Kurt Yaeger have both been pretty incredible to me over on Twitter. Great guys.
Happy has considered just waiting until after his appointment to take a shower, but even he couldn't ignore how badly he smelled. The tape and plastic routine was a pain in the ass, and he hoped to Christ that he never had to do it ever again in his life. He shoved the mangled mess in the trash can and opened the bathroom door, toweling off his balls as he walked out. He froze when he spotted Ace, sitting in the chair, smirking.
"Uh, mornin'." He grunted, wrapping the towel around his hips. It wasn't really big enough for that, though, so he was still showing thigh like a stripper. Ace giggled, though, and it was so good to hear it that he didn't even mind knowing that he looked ridiculous.
"It's not like I haven't seen it all before." She snorted, getting herself somewhat under control.
"True." He grinned back at her, then sobered up. "I wasn't expecting you to be in here and I didn't know if it would make you uncomfortable or something."
"I just wanted to make sure you were up in time for your appointment. Big day and all." Ace explained hastily, and pretended to be very interested in her jeans while he got dressed, cheeks a little flushed.
"Thanks. Are you coming with?" Happy sat on the bed across from her to pull on his socks and boots, watching her from the corner of his eye.
"Uh, did you want me to?" Ace asked, sounding young and uncertain.
"Let me make this real clear, crazy Ace." Happy drawled, and waited until she was looking straight at him. "I always want you to come, no matter where I'm going."
"Oh." If he wasn't so worried about what the hell was going on in her head, he'd have been fascinated by the parade of expressions crossing her face. He decided that while he couldn't bring himself to grovel, yet, a little begging behind closed doors wouldn't hurt. He knelt at her feet, rubbing her knees, not wanting to push his luck too much.
"Come on, Ace." He persuaded. "Come with me, and afterward, we'll swap the truck for the Harley and go for a ride, get out of here for a while so we can talk." He was trying not to smile, because he could see her softening, but it was hard.
"I'll at least go with you to get your cast off." She told him, rolling her eyes. "I know what you're doing."
"Anything it takes." He told her, seriously. He'd been about to get off of the floor but was arrested by the sight of her hand inching toward his. She didn't touch him, just traced the metal band of the one ring he didn't take off, even in the shower. He held his breath and dared a look at her face; her brows were low, like she was trying to figure something out. He slid his hand, so that their fingers were loosely interlaced. "Say something."
"I don't know what to say." Ace whispered, and she looked so lost that he had to look away. He rested his forehead against her knee.
"Just say that we're gonna be alright again." He said, and didn't care that he sounded like he was begging, he was, and he would.
"It's not that easy, Hap." She answered, and he could feel her hand shaking when she laid it on the back of his head. "There's just too much that's happened."
"It could be. We'll just forget everything and start over, do better. I can do better." He looked up at her, willing her to give in, and put their whole mess of a past behind them. "I get it, baby, I fucked up, but I swear it'll be different, just-"
"Stop. Please, Happy, just stop, it's breaking my heart seeing you like this." Now she was the one begging, her voice shaking.
"Yeah. Sorry, I just thought, never mind. We should get going." He grunted, standing up, and giving her plenty of space to do the same.
No Other Man Alive
His hand and forearm were pale and scrawny, and downright disgusting when they stripped the cast off of him. He didn't even wait for the doc to give him the okay, he flexed his hand and then fisted it.
"Easy there." The doctor chuckled nervously, and Happy shot him a withering look.
The grip felt weak, and that made him nervous as hell. The doctor took the hand, running his thumbs along the bones, looking for God knows what, and Happy looked over his bent head at Ace. She must have known what he was worried about because she got up and came over.
"I'm sure everything is fine. It'll take a little while for your hand to get back to normal, right, Dr. Peterson?" Ace verbally nudged the doctor.
"Yes, yes, of course, just some time and work and you should be able to function just fine. Any spots where it feels numb?" The doctor pursued.
"Uh, the back of my hand. Feels like my hand fell asleep, is that bad?" He asked, and glance over his shoulder to Ace, who was scratching the back of his neck lightly, trying to keep him from flipping out.
"Well, it's to be expected with the severity of your crush wound. Hopefully in time, some of that feeling will return. The good news is that it shouldn't impair the function of the hand." The doctor dug in a drawer until he came up with one of those squishy stress ball things. "This will help the grip strength return to normal."
"Thank you, Doctor." Ace was the one who took it, and shook the doctor's hand. Happy was too preoccupied with trying to figure out whether he was going to be able to ride like he'd planned.
"Yes, well, best of luck." The doctor mumbled, and left the room quickly.
"Are you ok?" Ace asked, eyeing him warily.
"Yeah, I think so. Feels fucking weird." Happy was staring at his hand, it felt like it belonged to someone else.
"Come on, let's get out of here, hospitals still make me jumpy." Ace said, flipping the ball to him, which he caught with his newly freed right hand and dropped into his pocket.
"Shit, I didn't even think about that. Let's get you out of here." He said, and just because he could, he grabbed her hand with his. He saw her start to protest, but he cut her off. "Ace, I'm just trying to hold your hand. Quit shitting all over it."
"I just don't know what we're doing here." Ace sighed, but didn't pull her hand away. She traced the scars crossing the back of his hand with her finger, as he pulled her through the maze of hallways.
"We gonna head back to the clubhouse and drop off the truck, then we're going for a ride. That's all I'm trying to do." Happy told her through gritted teeth.
"I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but can you ride?" Ace asked dubiously, looking at his hand.
"Probably not very far, but we have shit we need to settle, and damn if I'm going to do that with brothers hanging outside the door listening in."
No Other Man Alive
"Come on, I know it's been a while, but you can't be that worried about riding again." Happy said, testing his hand on the throttle. Ace looked more skittish than he'd expected, and it made him even more nervous.
"No, it's not that, I-" Ace was rambling and then cut herself off, realizing that this was not the time to tell him she'd be riding plenty with Kozik. "You know what, nevermind that."
Ace braced a hand on his shoulder and swung her leg over, settling behind him, trying to put as much distance between them as she could. She started to tell him that this wasn't a good idea, that she wanted to get off, but he'd revved again, drowning her out, so she shut up and wrapped her hands in his cut.
"Good?" He asked, grinning over his shoulder, and she nodded, trying hard to find a smile for him. She knew how much it meant to him to be back riding again, and she didn't want to ruin this for him, even though she felt like she was being ripped apart. Happy didn't waste any time, heading out as fast as he could.
Happy knew where he wanted to take her, and headed for the waterfront. It felt amazing to be out of the cage and with his girl. The peace was going to be short lived, but as long as they were riding, they weren't fighting and she wasn't looking at him like he was killing her slowly. She even started to relax a little, distracted by the scenery. She'd dropped her hands down to his hips, and Happy leaned back into her. He felt her shift, but she didn't actually move away from him. His hand was starting to ache, and he flexed it before reaffirming his grip. He wished he could just keep going, and if it had just been him, he probably would have, but he wouldn't risk her safety.
The park he'd had in mind was less than a mile away. It was where he'd used to come when the Tacoma clubhouse felt too crowded, which had happened frequently when he'd sat at their table, more and more toward the end. It was a quiet little place, trees right up to the water, and he'd never brought anyone else back here. He parked the Harley without letting her off, wanting to keep her with him just for a minute longer. He killed the engine and hung his helmet off his handlebars, and rubbed his right hand with his left.
"Are you going to let me off?" Ace asked drily from behind him.
"I guess I could." Happy laughed and squeezed her knee, reaching around to pull her off with him. He didn't try to keep ahold of her this time, knowing that she was probably pretty wary of him and the conversation they had to have. He didn't want her any more spooked than she already was. He let her pick her way through the trees, just trailing her silently.
Ace sat cross-legged in the grass, looking out over the water. He loved watching her, and took voyeuristic pride knowing that she allowed him to observe her in a way no one else was privy to. He drifted closer, standing so that his shadow fell across her, but she didn't look at him.
"So how do we do this?" She asked, still staring at the horizon.
"I don't know. I guess we both have questions and explanations, so one of us has to start." He didn't have the first clue how to have a talk like this, especially given how badly this was likely to end.
"Were you in Fallbrook the whole time?" Ace surprised him by volunteering to start.
"Uh, most of it, but not the whole time. When I took off, I just headed East into Idaho and drive myself into the ground, then crashed for the day. From there I headed to Indian Hills, caught about four hours of sleep, then I went to Fallbrook." He ticked off his relevant destinations on his fingers, even though she still wasn't looking at him. "I stopped and saw Ma on my way back. I think she might be more pissed off than you are."
"Is she going to be alright?" Ace asked in a small voice. "I never really asked after everything that happened."
"She's a tough old broad, she'll be fine." Happy told her, wondering if he was trying to convince her or himself. "My turn. How'd you end up in Tig's bed?"
"Are you seriously accusing me of-"
"Chill the fuck out, I'm not accusing you of fucking him." Happy cut her off. "I just wanted to know how fucked up you got."
"Oh. I wasn't sleeping, so I tried whiskey as a sleeping aid and overshot the goal by a lot. Tigger and Koz were worried about leaving me alone, that's all." Ace brushed the entire episode off, and Happy thought that maybe he'd have to hit up Kozik or maybe Tig for a more accurate assessment. Kozik seemed less hostile at the moment.
"How much is a lot? And don't bullshit me, because you know one them will rat you out." Happy pointed out, crossing his arms across his chest. Ace finally looked up at him, over her shoulder, sighing.
"Can you maybe not loom over me when you're interrogating?" She asked, toeing her boots and socks off and leaning back on her hands.
"Sure." Happy sat behind her, then lay back, wrapping arm around her waist, drawing her back so her head rested on his stomach. He pulled the band from her hair, and spread it across his body so that it trailed onto the grass. "Talk."
"I finished off a bottle of Jack, it wasn't really intentional." Ace was picking at a thread on her jeans, still avoiding his eyes and he decided that he would definitely push Kozik for the whole story.
"Tig said you're not drinking like that anymore." Happy was playing with the ends of her hair, wrapping it around his right hand, the contrast of her dark strands against his unnaturally pale skin intrigued him.
"I actually haven't had a drink at all since then." She twisted her head back to watch his face.
"Is that like a permanent thing?" He asked cautiously, not sure how he felt about it.
"No, I'm not an alcoholic, but it seemed safer to stop until we settled…whatever."
"Makes sense." He nodded. "Your turn."
"OK. What exactly do you want from me?" Ace rolled on her side, supporting her head on her hand. He reluctantly let go of her hair, and threw his arm over his face.
"Try to be a little more direct, why don't you?" He grumbled, but smiled anyway, because he knew the answer to this one. "I want to be with you, that wasn't ever a question."
"Really? Because you certainly seemed to be questioning it when you left." She snarled, and he could feel her starting to shut him out.
"Nah, I didn't ever doubt that I wanted to be with you. I doubted like hell that I could fucking do it right."
"So skipping town is your version of doing things right?" She shot back, and even though he knew that she was being deliberately combative, his temper still flared.
"No, that was my version of not making shit worse and saying and doing things that I couldn't take back." He told her, his jaw clenched.
"That's your excuse for disappearing for weeks? It was better than what you really wanted to do?" Ace scoffed, shaking her head and she started to shift to get up, and he wrapped a hand around her bicep, holding her in place.
"It felt like every time I turned around I was disappointing you, and I thought that maybe if I just had some space I could figure out how to be better." Happy felt like he couldn't find the right words to explain the way he had hated who he'd become, reacting and chasing problems instead of thinking and planning so that there weren't any problems.
"So it took four states for you to feel like you had enough distance from me to figure out that you actually wanted me?"
"No, it took four states for me to figure out that being away from you was complete bullshit, and I couldn't fix shit if I couldn't face it." He let go of her arm, and traced the line of her jaw with the back of his left hand. She pulled away, rolling back, breaking the eye contact.
"I just can't get past the fact that it, that I wasn't worth sticking around for. I'm tired of being so easy to leave behind." She brought the heels of her hands up to her eyes, blocking everything out, and clearly trying to keep her emotions in check.
"You are never easy to leave, I've been doing it for over a decade and it's downright fucking painful. I always come back, though."
"I think I might be done." She said, sounding surprised at her own words. His entire body locked up and he felt like he had the night he'd been garroted, completely incapable of breathing no matter how hard he tried.
"No. No." Happy sat up and pulled her up to. He had both of his hands on her face, forcing her to look at him. "No. We are not done."
"I can't keep doing this." Tears were flowing down her cheeks and Happy was trying to wipe them away, but they were falling too fast for him to keep up with. "I love you, maybe too much, because I'm losing myself. I always thought that being with you would feel like standing on the top of the world, but I don't feel like that, Hap. I feel weak. I feel weak and I hate it."
"Shh, no." He pulled her frantically against him, like any second she would disappear if he didn't anchor her. "You're not weak, Ace. You're the strongest person I know. Don't you dare give up on me."
Ace was crying openly now, and Happy was trying to pull her closer and closer. He felt like he was holding her together, or maybe failing at holding her together. That sick feeling of not being enough for her rose up in him, and he closed his eyes against the doubt. He knew that he couldn't afford even a moment of weakness right now or he could really lose her. It was entirely possible that he wouldn't ever be good enough, but he couldn't face the possibility of giving her up. He held her, rocking her slightly until she'd quieted, her breathing beginning to slow from the panicked gasps and gulps.
Happy traced the letters of his name through the fabric of her shirt, he didn't need to see the ink, he knew exactly where each line of it was. Ace was starting to pull away from him, wiping at her face with her sleeve. He brushed her hand away and cleaned up her face for her. She sat passive, like a child. His thumb ran across her bottom lip, and she looked up at him through her lashes. Before she could protest, Happy pulled her face up to his, gently covering her mouth with his. She didn't kiss him back, but she didn't push him away, either. When he failed to get any reaction from her, he released her lips, resting his forehead against hers.
"Just wait before you make up your mind. Give me just a little more time." He pleaded with her to understand, but she was shaking her head.
"I can't, Happy." She whispered, her eyes welling up again.
"Yeah you can, you don't even hafta to do anything, just let me do the work, I swear I'm not gonna hurt you." He could see that she didn't believe him, but she shrugged anyway.
"It'll be a few weeks before I make enough money to get my own place." She told him, and he knew that was as close to a surrender as she was going to give him. "I need to get back."
"Alright." Happy stood, bringing her to her feet with him. He tucked Ace against him, under his arm, and the way she just allowed it worried him.
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