Yes! Finally! First update since summer break started! Enjoy guys!
Everyone seemed to have felt, or just simply knew, it was going to be a long night.
After realizing that sitting outside the hospital may not be the best place if some other emergency needed to be rushed by, Cloud took Roxas away with him and the younger blonde found himself in a night café after what felt like a long motorcycle ride. The atmosphere was calm and relaxing, which Roxas never would've guessed due to the place being the opposite of empty. Looking over to the small stage, he could make out that it's a poetry reading. Before long, Cloud came back to their table and put down two cups of hot chocolates filled to the top with whipped cream. With a mutter of 'thanks' Roxas pulled his cup closer but didn't taste the cream or drink it; his attention went to the current reading going on. After a young girl finished, the crowd applauded with snaps and they shuffled to the next person.
"Like this place?"
Cloud's voice rang out to Roxas who then realized how much attention he was paying to the poetry reading over his brother.
"Um…I guess so. For some place filled with people, it's kind of nice."
"Yeah, great place to escape Zack…and Tifa…and Aerith…just anybody I know I guess…" Cloud murmured, amazed at how he pretty much did hide from everybody he knew by coming here, "Well, now you know a small secret of mine."
"Does it…not get lonely?" Roxas asked as Cloud started eating his whipped cream with a spoon.
"Sometimes, but it's okay with me. I admit, I'd like another companion to come here with me but just…never found someone. Well…now I just never brought him here…not yet anyway."
"…But you brought me here."
"I was hoping the atmosphere would help calm you down. Make it easier to talk and make you more comfortable."
"Oh…thanks. But…" he lowered his head, facing the copper-colored table, "It's so hard…to even think about."
"Tell me about it. I think about…what I did wrong, as the oldest sibling. How did I overlook what happened between you two."
"It wasn't your fault, Nii-Chan!" Roxas exclaimed, as if appalled that Cloud would even think about such a thing.
"Is it really? Not that I want to argue this but…Roxas, I don't know you anymore. Neither does Ventus. I can't really say about Rikku but…when I look at you and try to figure out what you're thinking, I become so lost."
"…I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Tell me why…you act the way you act. Why…you give mixed reactions to Ven. What is it that you buried so deep inside you that you're doing everything to keep anyone from finding out? Even lose who you are."
Roxas fell into a state of being lost himself. If he placed an emotion in a cage for all these years, then it just kept getting bigger, urging to get out. And here's Cloud, arriving with a crow bar, as if threatening to get it out one way or another. But doesn't…just merely break the already-weakened cage. He didn't think it would ever come out…as Ven always held the key to it.
"…It's my fault, Nii-Chan…everything. Everything…" His throat and chest hurt, as emotions started to pour out of him while he made himself think back and dig up the memories he hid for so long.
The heat had been boiling for days, and to Roxas this was the opportunity to go out now that the heat became less than 100 degrees F for once.
"Moooooom! Daaaaaaad! I want to go outside and play!" Roxas shouted as he stared at the thermometer.
"Okay! Be safe! You know when to be back by!" his mom replied from the master bedroom.
"Okay! I'm taking Ven too!"
When Ven heard his name, he took a peak outside the kitchen with a waffle in his mouth to see Roxas coming up to him,
"Let's go outside and play!"
"But it's hot…" Ven responded after finishing his breakfast before responding.
"It's not so hot out today! Come on! I want to play!"
"Can Nii-Chan come too?" Ven asked with hope when noticed Cloud come down the stairs. Even only being in Junior High School, Cloud had the big brother-vibe that made Ven want to cling to and drag everywhere with.
"Sorry, I'm going to the library with Zack," he responded as he continued to the door, "He apparently didn't even start his summer homework."
"Aww…okay, bye Nii-Chan!" Ven waved and the other waved back before the oldest brother left the house.
"I think Nee-Chan is still at her friend's sleepover. Come on, Ven!" Roxas urged, wanting to get moving already.
"Okay, where are we going?"
"I don't know! Let's go look around!"
The twins walked out, hand in hand, with Roxas leading. They eventually found themselves at the park and naturally played on the equipment. Not having anything, but the sun, to use to tell time, Roxas simply felt they played enough and called for Ven before they continued on to wherever Roxas felt like going. They took a break when an ice cream cart came by and he got them both sea salt ice cream. Their day couldn't be more normal or any less dangerous. It just took a single decision to change it all.
"I wonder if Nii-Chan ever been in here," Roxas wondered out loud as he crawled under a wooden fence that blocked the street from the forest.
"I don't think we're allowed in there, Roxy…" Ven stated with nervousness while shaking his head.
"It's just trees! There's nothing here! I come here all the time!" Roxas encouraged when he finished standing again.
"But…what if we get lost?"
"We won't! Come on! Don't be chicken!"
With a worried look, Ven still ended up following Roxas and the two ventured into a new area. After only a couple of minutes, Ven jumped.
"What was that?" he practically whimpered as he held on tight to Roxas's hand.
"Oh! That's a big truck!" he replied and pulled Ventus along. After a short jog, the two came to a small opening and Roxas pointed ahead at a construction field, "Right there! That giant yellow thing!"
"It's so loud…this feels dangerous, Roxy. Maybe we should go home."
"We're fine! Stop worrying! Don't be a baby, Ven."
"I'm not a baby!" Ven pouted angrily and released his hand on Roxas, "Mom says you can't call me that anymore!"
"Mom is not here! So I can!"
"That's not true! Don't be so mean! I want to go home!" Ven practically demanded. It wasn't so much that being so close to a construction site, not to mention trespassing some place they probably shouldn't be in, but it was more on him acting on Roxas's behavior that Ven just simply didn't like.
"I'm trying to have fun! Just deal with it!" Roxas argued back, both knowing the other won't listen to reasons now.
"You're so selfish!"
"I'm not selfish! You're stupid!"
"I am not!" Ven almost found himself wailing, "And Mommy and Daddy says you can't call people that!"
"I just did! Stupid!" with that, Roxas shoved his brother who did not expect it and ended up hitting the ground.
"You're horrible!" Ven exclaimed as he got back up and pushed the other but it wasn't nearly as strong as Roxas's as the boy only stumbled back a couple of steps.
"You're a crybaby! I can't believe we're twins!"
"You always say that you JERK!"
"Maybe if you grew up, I'd stop saying it!" Roxas spat as he glared, "I hate you!"
"You're so mean!" Ven cried out and from both anger and simply frustration, he hit Roxas, hard. The other responded with simply anger, and nothing else. So he hit back, making Ven withdraw as he backed away. When Ven felt his arm from the hit, Roxas took that chance to get him down again and shoved the boy once more. Except this time, Ven didn't have enough ground to land on…
It took the image of Ven toppling over the edge of their ground for Roxas to realize what he just done.
"Ve-VENTUS!"
He fell on his knee with his hand reached out but could only grab air. He felt his heart ache when the other hit the rocky curved wall of their cliff. Roxas wanted to look away but it all happened too fast for him to even comprehend the events. He felt relieved though, when he saw Ven going into the softer dirt from the construction field. Then Roxas flinched, and his mind went blank as a state of panic filled him up from the inside-out when he saw his brother hit his head against a rock at the bottom. While it stopped the body from going any further down, said-body wasn't moving.
Everything was blur from that moment on. Crying…shouting…strangers touching Ventus and taking him from his sight. Himself being taken away, but it didn't stop him from screaming and crying for Ventus.
"I'm his big brother! Let me see him!"
Noises of all kinds everywhere, and people walking around him everywhere. And all Roxas could do was cry and call for his brother.
"Mommy…Ven is hurt…"
And everything snapped into place, as he suddenly found himself focused and fell into realization.
He started to feel a sting on his face, only at that moment the fact that he had just been hit sunk in. After realizing that, he moved his head and faced forward, only forced to look up at see his mother shouting at him.
"How could you be so RECKLESS? How could you be so IRRESPONSIBLE? This is all your fault!"
And the word dawned on him. Tears started going to his own eyes once more as he watched his mother in tears, his father trying to comfort her and doing his best to be the strong one even though someone as young as Roxas could see he was ready to slip up on keeping those tears at bay. His father gave him a glance, a short one, but still Roxas could feel that look of utter disappointment from him. Roxas looked around, recognizing the hallways when he was taken here by those strangers. Cloud stood by Rikku who cried on the seat, trying his best to say reassuring things without lying. And then Roxas remembered earlier…when Cloud was rushing in with Zack behind him, demanding the doctors to let him see Ven. He remembered Rikku arriving with his father only to end up calling their mother a moment later. The boy stood there, feeling isolated from even his own family. Still he started seeking the comfort Cloud was offering to Rikku, so Roxas wobbled over to his siblings. Was he shaking that badly?
"How could you, Roxas?" Rikku demanded when she noticed him approach, "This is all are your fault! What if Venny doesn't wake up? What if he can't come home?"
"Rikku…don't say that. Not yet, don't worry about things like that yet," Cloud stated firmly, but his voice choked, doing his best to hold it all back. As if Cloud was his only hope, Roxas kept staring at him, waiting for him to tell him that. To tell him that he shouldn't worry either. That Ven…will be okay. Everything will be okay.
But he got nothing.
The two met eyes but only for a moment, yet it felt like forever…but Cloud turned away with a 'hmph' and he sat down beside Rikku.
And so the youngest blonde burst into tears, never feeling so alone and guilty.
That's all he remembered ever doing. Crying and being alone. How many days passed, he didn't even remember. One? Three? A week? From morning till night, he couldn't bring himself to find a sense of peace. Nothing made him feel 'good.' Everything was a blur…
His moment of depression was the only thing that seemed to have taken place until the day he was finally able to see Ventus. His father picked him up and placed him on a chair so he can see Ven on the tall bed. Roxas couldn't remember if he said anything, or if his father said anything. What did he do before or after this moment? He remembered nothing that day, except for Ven giving a light wave, showing he's alright. Although the bandage wraps and a few visible cuts on that pale face wasn't telling Roxas the other was 'alright.' And then Ven just had to give a guilty look to his twin,
"I'm sorry…I hit you and called you names. Please forgive me…"
What was he supposed to say? Or feel?
"Daddy, when can I go home?"
"Soon, Son. I promise."
"Okay…"
Roxas felt himself twitch a little as he watched Ven's discomfort. His brother is scared. He doesn't want to be here anymore.
I swear…you'll never end up here again. I swear it!
"Roxy...what's wrong?" Ven asked in worry as if Roxas was the one injured in the bed. But here he was…not even realizing he was in tears. He opened his mouth to speak…but nothing was coming out. Everything was clogged in his throat…
"Roxas, Ventus will be okay."
Those words didn't change anything. Didn't make him feel better or worse. It didn't matter...
I put him here…he's scared because of me. He's here because of me!
Everyday since that moment Roxas felt like he was being haunted. By what, he wasn't sure…Everyday was like dragging a ball chain around. But he knew since then that he was dangerous…too dangerous for Ventus. Yet…who would protect Ventus then?
What…am I supposed to do?
"Knock knock!"
Hearing the familiarity of that childish voice, a sigh escaped the young man's lips but it formed into a smile,
"The door is literally already open, Sora," Riku announced and the brunette popped his head into the hospital room,
"I know!" he responded with a smile. Sora did a quick scan on the other's body. The brunette let out a relief to see Riku looked the same save for a few bandages and a change of clothes. He also looked quite both physically and mentally strong for someone laying in a hospital bed.
"When did you get back?" Riku asked as sat upright while Sora slipped into a chair next to it.
"Just a while ago; they found Roxy. I was happy to hear you let yourself get checked up though!"
"Hn, I'm fine."
"I'm sure," Sora replied with an eye roll as he scanned his best friend again upon closer examination. Now there are some visible bruises and…is that a stitching on that arm?
"…"
"What's wrong?" Riku questioned, taking note of Sora's stare.
"…Nothing," he responded with a smile and a shake of the head.
"Sora…"
"No really! It's nothing. I'm just so glad…you're okay…"
"What if I lost Riku today? Is that…what you're feeling, Roxy?"
"So!" Sora quickly put on a grin and placed his hands on his hips, "Now you must tell me everything!"
"About…?"
"Oh you knooooow!" Sora plopped himself onto the bed and swung his legs in the air before giving Riku a light smirk with the tilt of his head, "Your night out with Ventus, and well, Axel too. But let's pretend he's not there."
"You know, Riku…we really haven't spent time in a while huh?"
"Forget it, Sora," Riku lightly whacked the other with the magazine that was laying beside him from an earlier reading of it.
"Haha! Oh come oooooon!"
"Riku…if I was the one that fell off a cliff…would you jump for me too? What's Ventus to you? What am I to you? I don't want to lose you, Riku…you're my best friend in the whole world. Please don't hide too many things from me…ok?"
The hallways were almost eerie quiet. Rikku stared at the floor as she sat in a chair. Axel was leaning against a wall, perhaps in thought. Where was Squall? Well Sora's missing too…and Riku. Perhaps they're checking up the silverette and the Leonharts are visiting? Still…it was too quiet for Cloud's taste.
"Roxas, sit here alright? I'll be right back," Cloud request and gently set the boy to the nearest seat from where they stood. The other made a small response and Cloud gave him a light pat before silently walking down the rest of the hallway.
"Rikku," he quietly called for her as he approached the group that now turned into a pair.
"Nii-Chan," she stated as she went into a stand and met him halfway, "Mom and Dad are coming."
"I see…"
"Is Roxy ok?" Rikku asked as she looked over the other's shoulder. She took a step but that one step had Cloud reach out and hold her in place by the shoulder.
"Depends on your definition by ok. Rikku…do you remember the last time Ven was in a hospital?"
How does one even explain something like this? Her face…
It's not like anyone could forget. But how do you tell someone that maybe you did something wrong to your own sibling? That…everyone did something wrong.
"But it wasn't his fault…he was just a kid! It was an accident!"
"I know…"
Those words were too easy to predict. Maybe…it was everyone's fault that day.
"It didn't matter what I said. Roxas just simply doesn't seem to believe it as the truth."
"But…it's been years, Nii-Chan."
What is really the truth then? Who are you really supposed to believe when both sides believe they are right without a shadow of a doubt?
"That's ridiculous!"
"Roxas holds his guilt as if it's a value and belief…it won't be easy for him to let it go."
Sometimes, letting go is like death: it can be over with in an instant…or drawn out to hours, days, months, years…with pain.
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"Another human's life…is a heavy burden to carry at such a young age."
Roxas blinked, wondering if he just heard someone speak to him. He slowly looked up to see a deep scar.
"Tell Cloud later I apologize for eavesdropping."
"…" he didn't respond, but merely just look away.
"If anything happened to Sora…I'd probably feel the same thing. Or at least similar…But look, another's life is a heavy burden. It can weigh you down for the rest of your life. You…are far too young to be carrying around such weights. And no matter what you do, you can't always protect someone. No one can."
"You don't understand…" Roxas muttered, his head remaining down.
"Maybe I don't…but I've been near death. Sometimes…you just can't be protected. And sometimes…you need to let go of the past."
As if it was Sora before him, Squall found his hand on the younger boy. A silent action of comfort…