For the life of me, I could not come up with a witty title for this 'way to die'. I hope what I came up with isn't too lame.
"Hey, how about this time, we have you die a little faster?"
"Mercy? From you? I'm afraid to ask what you have in mind."
Tony grins, clapping his hand onto McGee's shoulder as they walk to their cars. "So I saw this video.."
"Oh, c'mon man! That's how all the worst things start!"
"Whaaat? It's not THAT bad! It's just a sword!"
McGee pales, mouth suddenly dry as he tries to swallow. "A-a sword? A sword used HOW?"
"Uh, well.. Have you ever tried swallowing a sword?"
"No, honestly, I can say that I have not. It's not a safe thing to do, you know," McGee comments, stopping at his car. To his dismay, Tony stops alongside him.
"Follow me home. I've got a sword at my place that we can use."
"..Crap. You mean it, too."
"Of course I do, McSkewer!"
"McSkewer?! Tony, what are you planning?!"
"Relax! It won't hurt if you do it right."
"..That's the sword you want me to swallow?" McGee frowns uneasily as he looks at the long, narrow, heavy, slightly-rusted and battered sword in Tony's hand. It's at least four feet long.
"Yep! It's just something that I practice with once in a while. While watching swordfighting movies, you know. They get me in the mood to try my hand at it." He gives it a little toss in the air, sending it spiraling, then catches it in his hand while striking a fighting-ready pose, sword pointed at McGee. "Are ya ready, Timmy?"
McGee raises a brow at Tony, slowly taking the sword from him. "So, what was this.. video you saw?"
"Well, it was a fake video. Obviously. This kid pretended he was doing a sword-swallowing trick, but the sword cut right through his stomach. It wasn't a bad video, but anybody who knows anything about movies can tell that it's fake."
"Tony, I don't know the first thing about sword-swallowing.. only that it's incredibly dangerous."
"And that's the awesome part! You can survive it. Well.. you know what I mean."
"Gee, thanks," McGee mutters, taking the sword from Tony and walking to the designated plastic-covered floor of the bathroom. "Is the camera ready?"
"Geez, don't sound so enthusiastic," Tony snorts, turning the camera on. "At least try to give them a show. Theatrics are everything."
"It's not enough just to watch me die?"
"Nope." Tony hits play, appearing in front of the lens minutes later. "Way to die #3: A Little Tough to Swallow."
McGee takes a deep breath, trying to quash his fear as he lifts the sword up to his mouth. He gently, slowly slides the metal across the top of his tongue, carefully angling it as he slides it in further.
Tony watches from next to the camera, eyes lip up as he watches the scene in captivation. He's starting to wonder if McGee is going to be able to do it, until McGee gags, chokes, coughs and slides the sword back out.
"I-I don't think I can do this, Tony," McGee rasps, holding his throat as he looks at the sword. There's no blood on it, surprisingly; but it's a fairly blunt sword.
"C'mon McGee, do it for the audience! They want a show." As an afterthought, Tony adds on, "Please?"
McGee groans. "Fine. I'll try again." McGee repeats the motion, getting it a few inches further before his gag reflex kicks up again. Determined to not quit this time, McGee slides it in much faster, not realizing how fast the sword is going in-until he feels a sharp pain in his abdomen. He freezes, instinctively moving his head to look down-but only resulting in wrenching pain in his throat. He chokes, feeling a sudden warmness in his throat, clashing against the cold of the steel blade. He feels the warm rise and fill his mouth, exiting at the corners; though he knows it's blood, it takes him a moment for this to really sink in.
Tony watches with a morbid fascination as McGee grabs at the sword's handle weakly with his hand, then grabs at his stomach-only to feel the blade sticking out of the skin several inches, coated in a slick layer of blood, which is still flooding out. He futilely tries to tug the sword up and out, but it only causes severe pain.
"Ah, M-McGee, d'you need some assistance there?"
McGee gurgles out an unintelligible reply, still grasping weakly at his stomach. So warm. He's not used to so much blood. Or feeling himself lose it all.. he's feeling cool, all of a sudden; all the heat is leaving him. Dizzy, too.. He sways precariously, the painful gagging and choking ceasing as he falls to the side, only crying out in strangled pain as the rigid sword convulses from the movement, slicing him up even further.
"Sh-" Tony runs forward, setting a hand gently on McGee's shoulder. "This might hurt, man.." He places his hand on the handle, muttering a quick 'Sorry' before sliding it out-slowly at first, until he notices how badly McGee is shaking, then swiftly pulling it out the rest of the way. He sets the sword on the floor near the pool of blood, getting up and running to the camera to turn it off. He reaches it just after McGee releases his last blood-soaked breath.
"Damn, McGee. I didn't know it would hurt this much. I thought it would be a fast death." He awaits McGee's answer, but then realizes McGee is still dead. Duh.
Several minutes pass, Tony gaining a front-seat view to McGee's stomach as it melds back together, leaving not even the faintest scar. Though, under all of that blood, Tony wouldn't be able to spot one anyways.
"Ffffffffff.." McGee grits his teeth, turning his head slowly to look up at Tony, then quickly turns his expression into a scowl. "..No more.. swords. Please."
"You got it, man." Tony walks forward, offering a hand to help McGee up. "..What was more painful, this or Drano?"
McGee groans. "You're going to ask me to compare? Seriously?" He's still swaying a bit on his feet, glad that Tony is steadying him.
"Yeah! I mean, Drano looked pretty painful, but it's more of an internal burn.. but with the sword, it cut apart your throat and speared you right through your stomach and-"
He's silenced as McGee suddenly vomits on him, partly due to blood-deprivation; but mostly due to Tony's colorful descriptions.
"Ah! McGee, c-come on man! That's nasty.."
"Not as nasty as that stab wound in your stomach."
"..What stab wound?"
"The one I'll give you if you ever bring up sword-swallowing again."