Garrus found her in the loft, sitting on the edge of her bed, still in full armor. Her face still empty of any vitality, she didn't turn at his approach. He came down and sat beside her, just taking her in. Slowly, he popped the seals on her chest piece, moving carefully like she was some kind of prey animal and she might bolt if spooked. When the last piece of armor came off, she sat there in her underarmor like an invalid. Garrus didn't know what to say to bring her back from whatever hellish place her mind had trapped her so he slid down to sit at her feet, looking up at her, rubbing her legs with shaking hands.

He counted her blinks, then he counted her breaths, just to reassure himself that she was alive, even though her stare was so like the stare of many battlefield corpses he'd seen. He thought about what Hackett had said and knew the man had seen this, too, had been aware of how close to losing Shepard they still were. He wouldn't let that happen, whatever it takes right?

He rested his chin on her knee and said softly, "Jane."

At first there was no movement, no acknowledgement that she'd heard him then that empty face tilted down at him and he saw a...something, some small thing, fleetingly flicker in her eyes. He swallowed, trying to moisten a suddenly dry mouth. He tried to fill his gaze with everything he felt for her and the fear he felt for her, and his uncertainty and doubts about their future, his pride in her, his anger at her for making him worry. Everything he was, he laid at her feet like an offering, like she was the Siha that Thane asserted she was. And he said, in a shaky voice, "They all matter."

Suddenly, his arms were full of her and he was fiercely glad to feel water running into his cowl. She was crying, normally that wasn't good, but right now, right here and now, it was the most welcome sensation he'd ever felt. She didn't sob, just wept silently. Her body trembled with the strain she'd put it under to do the thing she'd had to do, was still expected to do. He gathered her up in his arms and stood, fluidly, moving over the bed. Garrus didn't let go of her when he lay on the bed, just draped her across his chest. Her hands fisted and unfisted where they were tucked into her shoulders. He smelled blood and realized she'd bitten her lip through. He ran his talons through her hair, and she sighed, relaxing ever so slightly. Her voice, not empty and flat like it had been before but filled with awe, "You see."

"I see." It had been so much easier when he hadn't. Now every enemy killed at his hand, every death he was responsible for, he would remember. They couldn't be faceless any more, not for him. He would love them all, do everything in his power to save them and suffer when they perished, the galaxy diminished for their loss but greater for having had them burn with life at its heart at the same time. It hurt to care this much. "Saren saw, didn't he?"

"Yes." She tucked her face into his cowl. "I'm not alone any more."

This gift she'd given him, it burned him and filled him with joy. "You were never alone, Jane. You always had the whole of us in your heart."

Her next words surprised him, "Make love to me, Garrus."

He looked earnestly into her face and saw only certainty and love there. For him. It shook him to his soul. He sat up and pulled her into his lap, peeling his clothes off slowly. Her underarmor joined his at the foot of the bed, discarded. He ran his hands over her shoulders, pulling her bra straps down with his thumbs, delighting in the texture of her butter soft skin. He paused over every scar and licked them from one end to the other as he stripped her. There were quite a few, she'd not had an easy life. She sighed in his arms, nude at last, clinging to him like he was her anchor. Which, he mused, in a way he was. But she was his, too. A foundation he'd needed at times to rebuild his life.

He sighed as his lower plates loosened fully, his member easing out of its protective covering. He pulled his legs in under her so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed with her straddling his lap. He pulled her ankles behind him so her legs were wrapped around his waist. Then he lifted her up and set her slowly, oh, so slowly over his rigidness. She gave little hitching breaths as she slid onto his length, her skin gliding over his plates, making a soft sussurration like the whispers of angels. They both took a deep shuddering breath when she was fully seated on him. He leaned his head forward and gently rested his forehead against hers. He couldn't help but feel a primal connection to her like this, belly to belly, cradling each other while sitting up, like turian bondmates, its significance was probably lost on her. He'd worried for a moment whether or not this thing between them would last, knowing that he could never do or feel anything like this for another.

He closed his eyes and shut it out. This was too beautiful a moment to waste on unfounded fears. Her legs around his waist tightened, making him gasp with desire. He thrust his hips into her, lifting her by her waist. He worked her with a slow rhythm, slow and sweet. He moaned as his first climax rolled through him but didn't stop, couldn't stop, wanted this to last forever. She tightened around him and he gritted his teeth at the pressure. She made pitchy little whines when he sped up the pace, bouncing her, pulling almost his whole length out before slamming it home again. Garrus watched her eyes roll back into her head as she held onto him for dear life and growled as he felt his cock swell again, erupting inside her. He buried his face at her neck, mandibles wide in pure ecstasy, rhythm broken for the moment.

He looked into her face, which she tilted toward him limply, as he rocked with her. Those green eyes were full of him, and only him. He reached up and pulled her head back with his fist in her hair, nuzzling at her exposed throat. She whimpered and he bucked his hips upward again, setting a frenetic pace this time, letting his need drive him to plow into her almost violently. She hissed and he looked into her face alarmed, but saw an approving glitter in her eyes and continued his pace. He pumped into her at a frantically desperate rate. His release was so tantalizingly close, he groaned with frustration and opened his eyes wide with shock as her tiny teeth latched onto his shoulder. Lost control of his bucking as the sensation unhinged something primitive in him. And as he came with blinding fury, he tasted her blood in his mouth.

He pulled back in horror at what he'd done. He'd bitten a female, like some savage. He looked with burdgeoning anguish at the semicircle of puncture wounds that dotted her shoulder, sickened. But he looked into her eyes and saw only approval there, no fear or anger. And there was a tiny smear of blue at the corner of her mouth. He peered at his shoulder and saw a ring of indentations there, breaking the skin between his plates and gaped at her, amazed. She smiled crookedly at him, looking a little ashamed, she whispered, "Um, sorry."

Garrus was speechless, so he did the only thing he could think of. He pulled her against him tightly, in a hard embrace and they sat like that for ages. He'd retracted long before so he just held her, close, wondering at the easy way their different bodies fit together. He leaned back and took her chin in his hand, noting the flush on her cheeks as he peered at her intently. He grinned at her in a disarming way, "Can I...see your teeth?"

She laughed but obediently opened her mouth, giggling as his thumb ran over her teeth. They seemed pretty blunt to him and he nearly started when her teeth closed over his second knuckle. He tugged a bit and found it quite trapped, unless he wanted to risk hurting her by pulling hard. He marvelled at the strength of her jaw muscles and by how warm and moist the cavern of her mouth was. Started to think dirty thoughts when she released him. He cleared his throat, "Well, I, uh, guess humans do have some natural defenses."

She laughed again, "We made a mess of the sheets again."

He looked down between them where their mixed essences stained the bedlinens and shrugged. He should have picked up some turian bedclothes while he was on Illium, they were strong enough to resist tearing and didn't stain as well. That reminded him that he'd not told her how his mission went and he grinned mischievously, "Guess who the Shadow Broker is."

"Tell me while we shower."

He regaled her with the story as they scrubbed each other, drawing groans and laughs from Shepard as she worked the soap into his skin. Helped her shampoo her hair while he recounted the fight with Vasir, she was as outraged as he when he described how the asari had taken a hostage and all the people she'd murdered on the way. Shepard's eyes grew round as he described the yahg who'd taken Liara's friend, Feron and tortured him for two years. Nodded in stunned delight when Garrus told her about how Liara had taken the mantle of the Shadow Broker for herself. "You should have seen her in action, Jane. Not the same little girl we met on Therum, she was fucking dangerous."

He said it with a leer and she threw a towel at his head with a chuckle. "Maybe I should have waited to go with you, it sounds a hell of a lot more fun than what I did."

An awkward silence fell between them at her words, she winced as she looked away from him and he pulled her by to him by the towel she had wrapped around her body. Garrus made her look at him, her chin between his forefinger and thumb, "No more solo missions, Jane. Please."

Her eyes said there were no guarantees, but her mouth lied to appease his conscience, "No more solo missions."

Happy for now, he kissed her, pushing his mouthplates flush to her lips. She melted against him, then moved back with a sigh. "Both CO's upstairs, who's watching the crew?"

"They got it. By the way, that was a dirty trick, making me XO. How does Joker put it...Not cool. Very not cool." He chuckled at her frown, "I disemboweled a punching bag when they told me, I was really pissed."

She went to her closet, pulling out an outfit and some underwear, making a little harrumph as she dug through her unmentionables drawer, "Hope Miranda didn't give you any trouble. She was quite livid when I told her."

"Ha. She was happy. Said she didn't want to do the paperwork any more anyway. And just so you know, I don't do dictation. Or collating, definitely not collating." He looked at her sidelong as he pulled on his clothes, shaking out the wrinkles beforehand,

"What do you think about Miranda? As command material." Shepard regarded him frankly, all commander now.

He rubbed his neck, in thoughtful tones he said, "I...think she can. She's no stranger to giving orders. She's got trust issues, though. Mostly I think if she could let herself be human around the crew, then she'd have no problem with gaining loyalty. Her detachment is her greatest encumbrance."

Shepard sighed, "That's what I thought. Too wrapped up believing her genetic enhancements make her an outsider somehow. Hell, I'm a zombie and that hasn't stopped me."

"Zombie-?" He looked at her in puzzlement.

She waved her hand dismissively, "A walking corpse, eats brains, usually travels in hordes."

He grimaced at the imagery his vivid imagination brought to mind, "Morbid. Well, you did try to take a chunk out of me earlier. But I'll have you know, my brains are not in my shoulder. Honestly, your race's xeno-biology education is deplorable."

"Said the turian who didn't know what belly buttons were for until Ashley and Liara told him." She smirked at him. "We're hitting the Reaper IFF tomorrow."

"Oh, need a friendly gun? I happen to know a guy who's a pretty good shot." They walked to the elevator.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight, Garrus Vakarian. Can't trust you around the ladies. First Liara and now a glowing review of Miranda? Tsk tsk." She lifted an eyebrow at him, her voice amused.

"As if you leave me any energy to chase other girls. Woman, you'll be the death of me." He watched her march into CIC, fondly, then hit the button for the crew quarters. He was starving, the last few days were really harrowing, stretching his constitution to extremes. But the highs were worth the lows. Anytime he could make her smile or laugh it buoyed his spirit. Made him feel...worthy.