I just wanted to say- thank you so much for the reviews! They honestly do make my day. And I know I keep asking to review, because it's always nice to hear from my readers. And I'm also mostly writing this because it's so much fun xD So I'll probably be always updating this one x) And again, thanks for the reviews :3

Oh, and before I start the chapter, as you've realised the school year's begun. And I will not be following the book too closely, because well, this is an AU fanfic xD (also it's been a while since I read OotP and I'm already reading something else right now)

Defense Against The Dark Arts

Harry woke up feeling like someone had been hammering nails inside his head all night. Groaning, he propped himself up on one elbow, trying to place his sense of anxiety.

The previous day's events came flooding back to him.

He groaned again and forced himself out of bed.

The dorm was empty, so Harry realised that he was probably late, and he cursed.

He rushed downstairs a few minutes later only to find that everyone in the Great Hall was relaxed and he was not, in fact, late.

He took his seat next to Ron. "You're early." He said accusingly.

Ron looked at him oddly. "I was hungry."

"But you're never early." Harry insisted.

"But I'm always hungry." Ron replied fervently. "Haven't you noticed my uncontrollable passion for food over the years?"

"Well..." Harry began uncertainly. "I knew you liked food, but..."

Hermione coughed pointedly, gesturing at her checklist for Ron.

Ron's eyes widened and he swallowed his mouthful. "Blimey, I didn't say that, did I?"

Hermione looked grim. "We need to be more careful."

"I blame it on Mary." Ginny said, exhausted.

Harry blinked. "Where did you come from?"

Ginny shrugged. "I only exist to deliver mildly amusing lines and be the antagonist in your love life, Harry. People tend to forget that I'm a strong female character."

Ron, who had snapped out of... whatever mood he had been in, muttered to Harry, "Put her on the watchlist." (AN: Check chapters 1&2 again if you can't remember what that means xD)

"That serious?" Harry whispered back.

Ron's reply was cut off by a perky. "Good morning!"

Ginny moaned and buried her head in her hands, trying to look inconspicuous.

Mary sat next to Ron, flipping a silky black tendril of hair as she did so.

"Weren't you blonde?" Ron asked her, bemused.

Mary's cerulean blue eyes sparkled. "It doesn't matter, silly! I always look perfect!"

Ron struggled not to roll his eyes and turned to Harry. "What's our first lesson?"

"Defense Against The Dark Arts." Hermione said immediately.

Harry frowned. "But I checked our timetable only yesterday and it said..."

"Well, of course you need to meet Umbridge first!" Mary interrupted him. "Come on, you can walk me to class!"

"You have classes with the seventh-years." Hermione reminded her.

Mary gave Hermione a tinkling laugh. "But Harry's in his fifth year!"

Mary took an utterly confused Harry by the arm and led him away.

"This lack of continuity is confusing." He complained, as Ron and Hermione shot him sympathetic looks.

"It's the essence of a Mary-Sue." She reassured him.

"Sit there, Harry!" Mary told him, as she herself took a seat in the front row.

Harry looked at her as though she had just dropped off the face of the moon. "Only the Slytherins sit in the back of the room."

"Exactly!" She beamed.

Realisation dawned upon Harry and he turned beet red. "Oh- but we have class with the Ravenclaws."

Mary Sue sighed. "Oh, Harry. When will you learn that sexual tension is more important to the plot?"

Harry couldn't think of a reply to that, but he ignored her and sat in the front anyway. He almost missed the dangerous flash in Mary's eye.

"Stick to the rules." She warned. "We don't want to have a proper plot, do we?"

"We do." Harry muttered rebelliously.

Mary was silent for once, and Harry experienced fear of her for the first time.

Professor Umbridge swept in, all dressed in pink. "Good morning, class!"

"Good morning, Professor Umbridge!" The class chorused.

Harry looked around, bewildered. When had everyone else come in?

"Hello, Potter." A voice purred next to him.

"Oh, no." He groaned inwardly. "Why?"

Nobody else seemed to be bothered by the fact that Draco had abandoned his usual seat with his house in favour of Harry.

Umbridge glared at Harry. "Detention, Mr Potter!"

"Wait, what?" Harry was furious. "What do I have detention for?"

"For not saying "Good Morning". " She said haughtily.

Harry shot Mary an accusatory look that said "Is she always like this?"

"Wands away, books out." Umbridge smiled sweetly.

The class grumbled in protest, but obeyed. Harry spent the rest of the class trying to focus on his book and not attract any attention to himself. After a while, Harry gave up trying to decipher the book and let his thoughts wander to Voldemort. In between the Mary-Sue problem and school, he had hardly been able to spare a thought to the very real threat that they faced.

His train of thought was interrupted by a nudge from Draco. Harry glanced to see a folded piece of paper in front of him. Resigned, he opened it and read.

"Boring class huh?"

Harry rolled his eyes and crumpled the paper. Draco quickly smoothed it again and wrote. "We could b frnds."

This time Harry wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. The entire situation was just ridiculous. Against his will he found himself writing. "Sure."

"GR8" Draco replied enthusiastically.

Mary turned to wink at Harry triumphantly, and all he could do was glare in response.

Suddenly Umbridge was upon the two boys. "What's this?" She demanded.

Harry tried to casually cover the paper with his book but Umbridge snatched it up.

"Boring class huh?" She read to the class.

Harry's face burned and he covered his face with his hands, trying to block out the laughter.

Umbridge continued to read out from the paper and Harry sank lower in his chair, almost dying of embarrassment. She finished with a wicked grin. "Well, I think Mr Malfoy will be quite happy to join you in detention."

Harry moaned incoherently.

"Class dismissed!" Umbridge barked.

Harry was the first to rush out into the corridor, anxious to put as much distance as possible between himself and Draco. To his dismay, Mary-Sue materialised next to him.

"Hey, Harry!"

"Go away." He grumbled.

"I warned you to stick to the rules." She told him sympathetically.

"There are no rules!" He was exasperated. "This doesn't even make sense anymore!"

"It's only started!" Mary giggled. "I think my work with you and Draco is done for now, don't you?"

"Just stay away from me." He threatened her.

She ignored him. "Hm, who's next? Oh, but of course! You have Potions next!"

"No, we have Transfigu-" Harry stopped, astounded. The words on his timetable had changed from Transfiguration to Potions.

"Sexual tension, Harry. Sexual tension." She reminded him. "And don't wait up for me, I have to go find Hermione!"

Harry had never pitied Hermione as much as he did in that moment.

Well, that was actually pretty fast xD I just wanted to ask, does anyone else feel like my chapters are a bit short? Please tell me, because I worry that they are :S

And I didn't want to drag the Drarry relationship on for too long, so the next chapter will feature Hermione and... dun dun dun

So leave a review maybe ;D