Poor Gibbs, huh? And I guess a tissue warning would've been helpful for that last chapter…?

Chapter Three

Gibbs woke with a start, nearly falling off Abby's couch. He was certain he heard keys in the lock and rushed to the door to swing it open. The hallway was empty and the solitude he was so used to hit him in the stomach like a sack of bricks and suddenly it wasn't so welcome. Before, whenever he had been alone, he had only been a phone call away from Abby's cheerful voice. She didn't know it, but sometimes he would call to check in on her, just so he didn't feel alone. Slamming the door shut he went back to retrieve his shoes. He picked up the photo of Abby and his father, and was surprised to find a photo of Abby and himself tucked behind it. Tony must've taken it; neither of them were looking at the camera. Abby was perched on the counter in Jack's store reading a section of a newspaper article to him. He was smiling big in the photo and he remembered she was reading the town gossip column.

He traced his finger over her face and tried to imagine the softness of her skin. He had touched her before – cradled her face in his hands as she cried over the loss of Jenny, kissed her soft cheek when she delivered results and had even traced her spider web tattoo after months of trying to glance at it when she wasn't paying attention.

"You can look at it if you want, I don't mind," she had said, pushing her hair out of the way.

Gibbs stepped up closer to her and tilted her head to the side so he could have a better look. "It hurt?" He traced his finger along the outer edge of the web.

"A little, but worth it."

He took both photos and grabbed his keys. With one last look around the apartment he pulled the door shut behind him, knowing he would never return.

Somehow the entire team made it through the funeral down in Louisiana, paying their respects quietly as those who knew Abby as a child, before she moved away, took turns sharing memories. It was hard to sit and listen, but it felt unreal. The team seemed to move on autopilot, acknowledging those that spoke to them, and sticking together as a team in all that they did.

The flight home was long and quiet and when they arrived back at the airport they quietly went their separate ways.

Gibbs had no illusions that things wouldn't be back to normal come Monday morning, but it was an extra slap in the face to find Abby's replacement boxing up Abby's personal items.

"You're agent Gibbs? I'm Kevin Baker; I'll be working the lab from now on. I was told that you'd know what to do with this… stuff..?" The new assistant was roughly the same age as Gibbs, and seemed to have a no-nonsense approach to everything, unlike Abby.

Gibbs bristled at the way Baker insinuated that it was just stuff. He looked at the big box and watched to reach out and hug the stuffed hippo perched on top. "I'll take it, is there anything else?"

"If I come across any more trinkets, I'll box them up and bring them to your desk."

Gibbs was bending over to pick up the box, but stopped at Bakers comment. "These aren't trinkets. She died, and these are her personal belongings. If you mention Abby again, you'll be out of a job."

"I still can't believe she's gone. I half expect her to come through the squad room to raid your desk for candy," McGee swiveled in his chair to face Tony, frowning as Tony seemed to ignore him. McGee remembered when his grandmother had passed away a few years prior, that he and Sarah had sat around with their cousins, sharing memories of their late grandmother, laughing over funny stories. "Remember when she was dressed as Marilyn Monroe?"

"Can it, McGee. We remember, okay. We don't need you to drag us through every memory you have," Tony snapped.

McGee looked as though he had been slapped across the face. "Sorry, Tony, I…"

"McGee…" Ziva stood and made her way over to his desk. "We all deal with our grief differently," she gave a sidelong glance toward Tony. "If you would like to remember some of the better times, maybe would could have lunch together and talk."

McGee nodded and turned back to his work.

Ziva glanced over at Gibbs as she moved back to her desk, wanting to offer some sort of comfort, but not knowing how.

They continued to work quietly and quickly. Vance had them all on desk duty to finish up paperwork and to take a chance to grieve. He didn't want to put them out in the field right away, worried that their grief would put them in danger.

Over the course of the week, Tony's anger festered. All McGee wanted to do was talk about Abby, bringing her name up non-stop. Ducky wanted to talk about her two, and he felt slightly guilty that he avoided the older man, but Gibbs was doing the same. He'd leave McGee and Ducky to talk as much as they wanted. Palmer didn't seem to know what to say to anyone, so he kept his head down and his mouth shut. Tony glanced up at Gibbs and had to look away. He didn't know how long the older man would last after the memorial at Abby's church. Her funeral back home was one thing, but grieving at home, with the people that Abby saw regularly was different. It was obvious that Gibbs wasn't sleeping, and Tony wondered if he was eating. He knew that Gibbs wouldn't miss her memorial, but he was almost willing to be that it would be the last he saw of the man, doubting that Gibbs would want anything to do with NCIS after he said his final goodbye. And he couldn't blame the man, he wasn't sure he wanted to stick around either.

Then he looked over to Ziva's empty desk. She had been working as though nothing was wrong; as if one of the best people in the world was still in her lab doing whatever it was that Abby normally did in her lab. Seeing Ziva's empty desk, where Kate had once sat, pushed his anger to a new level. If she wasn't going to mourn their friend, then she had no place in his life.

He pushed up from his seat, not even checking to see if Gibbs was curious as to where he was going. He wasn't surprised to find Ziva in the gym – she spent plenty of time working on her fitness, but now... He stormed into the gym, slamming the door behind him as she worked one of the punching bags. "Are you really that heartless, it's like you don't even care-" He was tired of her stone face and cold emotions.

Ziva spun around, surprised when she heard the door slam shut and Tony stopped mid-sentence. He hadn't expected to see her eyes red from crying as she worked out her emotions.

"Ziva…"

Ziva shook her head and wiped her nose. "In Mossad we are trained not to show our emotions. Losing a friend is just… part of what happens, but Abby… she wasn't one of us, she wasn't an agent, she shouldn't have died!"

"I'm sorry," Tony moved closer and pulled her into a hug, "you were right earlier… we all deal in different ways. And I… it felt like you didn't care."

"I just don't know what to do…"

"None of us do. But whatever it is, we've gotta stick together otherwise we're going to fall apart."

"Gibbs." Ziva took a shaky breath and almost in an instant the emotion she had been showing was gone.

Tony nodded. "We've got to prepare ourselves for the fact that he might leave and not come back… not for anything… anyone," he referenced the time Gibbs had come back to help Ziva when she had been wanted by several agencies.

"There is nothing we can do," Ziva shrugged. "Love like that, it doesn't matter what we try."

Saturday morning Gibbs forced himself to shower and dress for her memorial, despite having hardly any sleep. Carol had asked if he would be interested in speaking, but he had declined. Ducky, Sister Rosita, and several others had offered to say a few words, but Gibbs knew he wouldn't be able to get more than a few words out. In some ways he felt as if he was letting her down, but Abby knew he wasn't a man of many words and that she would understand.

He sat at the small kitchen table and sipped a cup of coffee as he forced himself to have a few bites of cereal. He was certain the memorial would be well attended. Besides the nuns, Abby had groups of friends all over the place – the bowling alley, dance clubs, and several different US agencies. Fornell had said that people at the FBI had been fighting for time off to be able attend.

He glanced over at the box of Abby's things he'd brought home from NCIS. Carol had told him that she would be going through Abby's apartment the following weekend if there was anything he wanted. He had already taken a few photos, but other than that, he didn't want anything. But the box of stuff from NCIS he wasn't willing to part with. There was a small figurine that Tony had given her and he planned to hand that back to the agent, but everything else, Bert included, he planned to hold on to. He wasn't sure what he would do with it, likely keep it boxed up, write her name on it and store it in the basement with the boxes of stuff belonging to Shannon and Kelly.

His life, everything that he loved, contained in a few old cardboard boxes.

Rex didn't like most people, but since Addison seemed to make friends everywhere they went, he put up with spending more and more time with people. Earlier in the week, while Addison was waiting to be seen at the free clinic, they were invited to a free lunch offered at a local church. Rex was hesitant, but they both needed a decent meal and when he saw Addy's eyes light up at the idea, he agreed to go.

It was a big church and when they arrived they were directed to the garden in the back. There was a memorial in progress, so lunch was being served in the garden. The smell of the BBQ made Rex's stomach rumble. "Now remember, Addy… you've got to stay here, no wandering off like you did in Santa Fe, I can't keep you safe if I don't know where you are."

Addy just rolled her eyes.

"Abby's admirers – because what we all are – are spread all across the world. Growing up, I always knew she would be special. Not just within the science field, though the entire science community is mourning her passing, but as a person, I knew she would make a difference." Carol took a moment and continued. "Several years ago we were having dinner together and she confessed she had fallen in love. Real love, is what she had called it. She wasn't in a relationship, and now, I think she knew she never would be, but it didn't keep her from loving. At first I was jealous, worried that this man would take her away from me, that she wouldn't have time for me anymore, but that's the thing about Abby. She had time for everyone. She made sure to listen and even when she had a million other things to do, she always made you feel like she had all the time in the world, just for you."

No one had questioned Gibbs when he chose to sit in the very back of the church, and as Carol spoke, he felt wave after wave of nausea wash over him.

He couldn't go through this again.

"She loved everyone, and loved helping people however she could. When we arranged her funeral, the church offered to postpone its Saturday lunch for the homeless, but talking with Sister Rosita, we both decided that Abby would love that her memorial service was shared with people less fortunate. Abby is in heaven now and we are here at her funeral. This is not the time for us to grieve her passing but it's our time to celebrate her life. So please, remember how she made us laugh and how good of a person she was. This is not the moment for us to shed our tears but we should all be thankful that we were given the chance to have known such a wonderful person. Abby will forever be missed but I know in the right time, I will meet her again. We will all meet Abby again and she'll make us laugh again."

Gibbs had enough. Ducky was set to speak next, and while he was certain Ducky would have wonderful things to say about Abby, he couldn't listen. Carefully and quietly, he scooted out the back, bursting into the fresh air as he tried to hold back. He tripped down the steps and moved away from where the BBQ was set up. He stumbled around the side of the church and heaved into a garbage can. His stomach was empty, but he couldn't seem to control himself.

First Shannon and Kelly, then Jenny. Mike was gone, and now Abby. Mike had gotten him through the loss of the first three, and then it had been Abby who had pulled him through it all. And now, without Abby… "Oh God."

"Are you okay, sir?" He was interrupted.

TBC…