Chapter Five

Gibbs wasn't sure how he managed to make it home before his eyes began to burn and tears slipped down his cheeks. He headed down to the basement, set on downing the last of the bourbon, but as he reached the bottled he pushed it aside, the idea of drinking sending another wave of nausea through him.

He stood for a long time, taking deep breaths to push away the feeling of being sick. Then he dropped to the floor and rested his head in his hands. "Oh Shan," he let out a shuddering sigh. "I wouldn't have made it through this time." Over the past week he had felt Shannon's presence stronger than ever, as if she was trying to ease the pain. He hadn't felt her much when Mike had died, but Abby had been in the basement lending quiet support as he worked. She had made sure he took breaks to eat and she had kept his coffee cup filled. "I love you, always will, but Abby… she's been my rock for ten years now, without her I'd… I'd have pulled the trigger this time."

"Promise me that you won't," Abby interrupted and stepped down the basement steps. "If something happens to me again… you mean too much to too many people."

"Abbs…" He looked up sharply; he hadn't heard her come in.

"I checked myself out and took a cab. I couldn't remember your house number, but I could direct the driver on where to go. I didn't want to be alone, I'm trying to figure out these memories." She stepped off the bottom step and circled around the sawhorses in the middle of the room to join Gibbs on the floor, their backs against the work bench. As soon as she was beside him, he raised his arm and she leaned against him, pulling his arm tight around her shoulders. "Think of what would have happened if you had… done something drastic and then three days from now, a week from now… a month from now, I remembered everything. What do you think I would have…" she shook her head, not wanting to continue that thought.

Gibbs tucked her into his side and kissed her temple.

"I asked… before I remembered, I asked if we were, um, together. I asked because… while I don't exactly remember everything, I somehow knew that I love you. Even if I didn't know. And I wasn't sure how you felt, but the way you look at me, the way you took my hand. It just fit."

Gibbs moved to cup her cheek in his hand. "Can I kiss you?" he murmured, his eyes tracing over the delicate lines of her face.

Things were still fuzzy for Abby and she couldn't remember how long she had been waiting to hear those words, but she knew it had been awhile. Rather than respond with a yes, she leaned in to say yes with a kiss.

Their kiss was slow and gentle, and Abby could feel the tension slowly draining from Gibbs' body. He pulled her in closer and was content to sit on the floor, his arms wrapped around her as they kissed. Abby was the first to pull back, kicking herself for breaking contact, despite what she needed to say. "I really want to keep kissing you, but having spent a week sleeping on concrete and cardboard, sitting on the basement floor isn't the most comfortable."

Gibbs nodded and leaned forward to brush a feather light kiss across her lips before pushing up off the floor. He extended his hand and helped Abby to her feet. "You wanna head up to the couch, or you ready for bed?"

"I could really use a shower, actually. All I've had is a half-assed sponge bath in the hospital today. And then I'd really like to curl up with you in bed, if that's okay?" Abby followed him up the stairs and switched off the basement lights.

"Sounds perfect," Gibbs led her toward the stairs and out of the basement.

"Wait, is that… that stuff is mine, right? Bert!" She was drawn to the box of her belongings on his dining table and picked up the stuffed hippo, giving it a tight squeeze and laughing at the farting sound it made. She briefly poked around the rest of the items, commenting on a few, and then continued upstairs behind Gibbs.

"You've got some basic toiletries and a change of clothes stored in a duffle bag in my closet." He dropped her hand and went to dig it out. She had started keeping the basics at his house a few years ago when she found herself spending the night every few weeks for whatever reason. He handed her the duffle and ushered her toward the master bathroom. "Go, have your shower."

"You'll be here when I'm done?"

"Just gonna go lock up and take a quick spin in the shower across the hall. I'll be in bed before you're out."

"Okay." Abby carried her stuff into the bathroom and shut the door. Despite having told him she loved him and hoping that she'd be spending lots of time in his bed, taking a shower together was asking a bit much – especially with how dirty and grimy she felt. She dug out her shower supplies and pulled out clean underwear, and an old shirt of Gibbs' that she had stolen years ago to sleep in.

She spent more time than necessary in the shower, shampooing her hair twice and taking the time to scrub every inch of her body. She sighed as the warm water heated her tired muscles. When she was sure that Gibbs' water heater was about to run cold, she turned off the water and stepped out. Gibbs' towels weren't anything special, but they were soft. She wrapped one around her body and went to the counter to comb her hair. By the time she was dressed in underwear and his oversized shirt, her teeth brushed and her hair dry, she was certain he would be in bed already.

She nudged the door open, the steam and heat billowing out.

"Warm enough in there?" Gibbs was already tucked into the side of the bed closest to the door.

"Mmm… and I think I'm clean enough, too." Her clothes she put in a garbage bag she had dug out from under the sink. After a week on the streets they weren't worth salvaging. "But if you wake up alone, I'm probably showering again just to be sure."

Gibbs pulled back the covers and patted the bed. She grabbed Bert and slipped her legs under the covers as Gibbs leaned back to turn off the bedside lamp and then turned back toward Abby. As soon as she was settled and the blankets pulled up, Gibbs tugged her nearer and wrapped his arms around her and let out a heavy sigh.

"You okay?" Abby asked before pressing a kiss to his bare chest.

"I will be. Need a few days to wake up and see that you're still here before I really believe you're still alive. But I'll get there. You okay?"

"Yep. When I think too much, some details are fuzzy and that really frustrates me. But the rest of the memories will come. But I remember you and that's all I need to know to be okay."

"You'll remember, I'll do what I can to help."

"Tell me more, Gibbs," Abby curled into his side.

"More about what?"

"Us. Remind me of stuff we've done together. I remember stuff, but it's all so fuzzy. Like, I remember spending either Thanksgiving or Christmas with you, dinner at Ducky's, but…"

"We spent both together. Thanksgiving was at Ducky's. I wasn't planning on going, but you looked at me, your eyes wide," he brushed his thumb along her cheek, "and said, who will eat too much and then watch the game with me, and I knew I had to go."

"So you did, because of me?"

"Because of you. You weren't sure if I would show up, but you saved me a spot next to you. You were wearing a yellow dress with polka dots, and your hair was pulled up. You kept touching me during dinner – nothing uncomfortable or inappropriate, but you… you made me feel wanted, even though we were just friends. Kept telling me you were thankful that I was in your life," Gibbs opened up.

"You remember all that?"

Gibbs nodded and leaned in for a soft kiss. "That and so much more. I've always tried to remember everything you say and do, you mean everything to me."

"Tell me more," Abby pushed a leg between his and hugged herself closer, making Bert fart as he was trapped between them.

Gibbs tugged the stuff hippo from her arms and set it on the pillow behind her so that she could curl up against his chest. "Christmas, you spent a majority of the holiday with my dad and I. You wanted to cook, but Jack didn't think it was right for the guest to cook-"

Abby laughed, "but I did anyway and when we finally sat down to eat, he loved it all and asked me to move to Stillwater with him because you hadn't made a move yet. You blushed, and then got really irritated with him."

"Because I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"I wasn't."

"Wasn't sure. Abbs, look at me," Gibbs waited until she was looking at him, partly propped up on his chest. "I remember it all. What you wore, said… the way you smell like gunpowder and lilacs. I should have told you sooner, I should have done something. I'm sorry."

"I could have said something; it's not just you…"

"I know, but I… I was going to have to spend the rest of my life wishing I'd said something."

"Shhh…" Abby peppered kisses across his face, over his eyelids and on the tip of his nose. "I'm back now and we're saying what needs to be said. No regrets."

Gibbs scrubbed a hand down over his face. He'd gone from overwhelming grief to holding Abby in his arms – he still wasn't 100% convinced he wasn't dreaming – all within hours and it was doing a number on his emotions.

"Hey, it's okay," she soothed, "I'm here, see," she held his hand to her chest so he could feel the beating of her heart against his palm. She could see him fighting against the tears that threatened to fall. She was about to tell him it was okay to let go, but he pulled her into another kiss and all thoughts fled from her mind.

Gibbs rolled her to her back and pressed her down into the mattress as his body covered her. His kisses were sloppy and desperate, but Abby didn't care. She wrapped her legs around him to keep him close, but suddenly he pulled away. "Abbs, I can't…"

At first she was concerned he was going to come up with some outlandish excuse, but then she realized that while his kisses had been urgent, his body had barely responded. The adrenaline coursing through his body the past several hours had left him beyond physically exhausted.

"S'ok," Abby shifted herself up a bit higher and then pulled him in close again so that his head rested on her shoulder and she was holding him.

"No, Abby," he protested vocally, though he didn't try to pull away.

"Let me hold you. Physically, I went through a lot, but I'm okay now. You're exhausted, let me hold you and keep you close."

"You need sleep, too," he said, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"I know, I'll sleep."

Gibbs let out a heavy sigh and tipped his head up to kiss the tip of her chin. "If you wake up and need to go to the bathroom… tell me. If I wake up and you're not here…"

"Okay," she wasn't going to argue. She ran her fingers through his silvery hair and tried to remember the last time she had seen him.

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" Abby rushed out of her back office and threw her arms around him in a big hug. "You were right, Johnson wasn't murdered, he faked his death!" She released her hold on him and tugged him over to her computer and pulled up several photos of the man they were looking for.

"That's good work, Abbs." Gibbs leaned in to kiss her cheek, his hand curling around her hip before falling away.

"Was a lot of work, Gibbs. Might need an extra caf-pow!"

"Put it on my tab, I gotta run."

"Thanks Gibbs!"

TBC..