Give His Heart a Break.
Authors Note: Thank-you for all being honest with the previous chapter. That meant so much to me. I am sorry for doing what I did. I won't make the mistake of trying to write and babysit at the same time again. I'm going to try and rectify what I did in this chapter and hopefully, it'll make the last chapter clearer. So, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and let me know if I've done wrong again. It means so much to me.
Disclaimer: I swear, I own zero.
Chapter Thirteen: Baby, You Can't Disguise It.
Sherlock felt numb inside.
He wasn't one to control his words.
But, he was one to keep his emotions under wraps.
So, what was this?
Why had he said it?
He, honestly, couldn't decipher why.
Did he even want to decipher why?
Perhaps, it would be better if he took a stand of ignorance against it.
It would be.
But, he couldn't.
Molly was stood in front of him.
She had heard him speak those… those… stupidwords!
She was looking up at him.
There was a weird look in her eyes.
It almost looked as if she were going to… cry.
Why was she going to cry?
They were only words.
And this was Molly.
To Molly, those words meant everything.
He knew that.
Molly was an emotional person.
Those words were what made her strong.
He had said them to her.
Oh no.
"You don't mean that."
He stared at her, his emotions unreadable.
Did he mean them?
He frowned; it went unnoticed by Molly.
He couldn't mean those words.
Sherlock didn't love people.
He couldn't love people.
He became attached to people, yes.
But love?
Love he wasn't capable of.
He'd never be capable of.
So, why had he said it?
His frown deepened; Molly noticed this time.
She tilted her head to the side, a movement that was barely there.
He couldn't fathom this out.
What had caused him to say such meaningless words?
"Sherlock…" Molly's voice sounded, concern lingering behind his name.
His eyes cleared of thought and locked on to her own.
"Hm?" He murmured.
"Why did you say… that? You didn't mean it."
Did her voice just tremble?
He thought so.
Why had he said it?
They were arguing.
He was trying to explain to her why he always deducted everything that would ruin their happiness.
He scoffed inside his head.
Ruin their happiness.
More like save their happiness.
They were so… fickle.
His eyes narrowed slightly as he grabbed at a flickering thought crossing his path.
…
That was it!
That was why he had said what he had!
He'd said it to please her.
He hadn't meant it.
They were fighting.
He wanted her to know he had her best intentions in mind.
He'd said it because she was an emotional person.
That was a way to break through to her.
A way to make her see things clearly.
A way to make her not hate him.
A way to get her back on his good side so the argument could stop.
He nodded.
That sounded reasonable.
That sounded logical.
He was a logical person, after all.
On some subconscious level he had known that that would be the thing to help him win the argument.
"No, I didn't mean it."
His eyes bore down in to Molly's.
His chest tightened when he noticed that a glass-like film was now covering those ever so pretty eyes.
He prayed she wouldn't cry.
He couldn't handle crying.
He especially could not handle a crying woman.
And especially not handle a crying woman he cared about.
He watched her.
No tears fell.
She seemed to force herself to stand up tall, gulp back what he presumed to be a sob and push away the glass sheen in her eyes.
She looked like the everyday Molly again.
He smiled on the inside.
The pretty Molly.
The pretty Molly he could handle.
"That's a very cruel thing to say, Sherlock."
He winced at her words.
She wasn't happy.
He didn't speak.
Right now, he knew not to speak his mind.
Instead, he stared down at her with an expression that revealed nothing.
His guard up.
"I don't love you anymore, Sherlock."
She stood her ground.
She stepped back from him as if to physically show that she had moved on from him.
"But, it's not nice to toy with a person's heart. It's not nice to give them thoughts of could have been. It's not nice to let them stand there and rethink their choices. It's just wrong, Sherlock."
Her tone was bitter and Sherlock didn't comprehend a word she spoke.
She said she didn't love him.
If she didn't love him why would his words affect her?
Why would she be second guessing her choice?
He thought she was being ridiculous.
He was about to speak but she quickly got there before him.
"I don't want to hear it, Sherlock. I don't want to hear your logic. You're not right about everything and logic isn't always the answer. I love John, Sherlock. I waited for you for too long. I waited so patiently for you to let me in. I wanted to be the one who could prove that you didn't have to keep a shield up, that you could let feelings in, that you could let love in… that you could let someone in."
She turned away from him for a few moments, tears stinging her vision.
She recollected herself before facing him and continuing.
She hadn't done the best of jobs; he could see so many emotions written on her face.
It… hurt him.
He didn't know why.
She wasn't hurt.
He could tell that.
But for some reason, seeing everything he couldn't deduce hurt.
Surprisingly, when she spoke her voice was strong and yet held a soft hilt.
"I wanted so badly to be your one. You've no idea how much I wanted… I just… you can't even see it!"
She moved her hands around in a frantic manner and stepped closer to him again.
"I once told you that I could see that you were sad, but there's something else I never told you. Here it is. I can see it, Sherlock. You can't hide it and you especially can't hide it from me. You're scared. You're scared of sentiment, of emotions, of feeling. You're scared because you don't understand them. You're scared because you can't physically deduce them. You're scared in case you do something wrong."
Molly sighed, stuck her chin out and looked down.
She scoffed before looking back to him.
Her voice was so soft, so tender with her next words.
"It sounds ridiculous when I say this out loud but all I ever wanted to do was… I just wanted to give your heart a break. I wanted you to see that I'm not like the rest, Sherlock. I wanted you to see that I could show you the unknown and make you see that it's nothing to be scared off."
She took another few moments before speaking again.
Her eyes were locked on his.
His chest was pounding.
Why was it pounding?
She was only talking.
Surely it wasn't because of her words.
His eyes narrowed at himself.
Stupid sentiment.
"All this time, you thought you could disguise it. But, some things you just cannot disguise, Sherlock. Maybe you could from yourself and the rest of the world, even John, but not from me. I bet you feel it. I bet you've always felt it. I bet you've always ignored it, pushed it aside. I don't know, maybe you let cases fill its place; perhaps, even drugs. I wouldn't be surprised. I bet, right now, you feel it. You feel… empty inside. Not completely, there's just something… missing. You've tried all your life to forget it and fill it with things you could understand. Sherlock, all I ever wanted to do was ease that ache."
He gulped.
"But, now it's too late. I'm fed up with the wait. I've moved on now. I'm with John. I'm going to marry, John. I'm giving him everything I could have given you. I love John, Sherlock. So, don't you even dare to try and speak of logic to me in this moment. I don't want to hear it."
She moved towards the coat stand and took in her hands her scarf and jacket.
Sherlock watched her as she began to put her things on.
He had no words for her.
Perhaps, he was trying to process it?
This wasn't his department of expertise, after all.
She looked towards him once her outwear was in place.
Her bag now resting on her shoulder.
"I hope you accept mine and John's decision of marriage, Sherlock. You know he's going to want you there as his best man."
She smiled.
"I'd never let him down, Molly."
She nodded her head, smile brightening.
"I know, Sherlock."
She moved towards the flats door.
When she reached it, she turned towards him.
"But, you and I both know that he'd rather you there not just for him but because you support the choice."
"What about you?"
"You're not my best friend."
"But do you still want me there if I don't accept it?"
"I want you there because it'll make John happy."
"Will it make you happy?"
"Whatever will make John happy will make me happy, to an extent."
Sherlock nodded.
He didn't understand.
How could someone be happy because another person was?
Molly spoke again.
"I'll be going now, Sherlock. John and I have plans to look at churches."
Sherlock's gut twisted.
"Goodbye, Molly."
"Goodbye, Sherlock."
The door to 221B shut and he listened to clicking of her shoes against the stairs.
He continued listening until he was sure John and Molly were out of Baker Street.
He sunk down on to his chair in a manner so unlike Sherlock Holmes.
His hands were in his hair.
He slowly began to bring his knees to his chin.
There was only one thought on his mind.
One that confused him entirely.
He'd been unsure about things before.
But, they were always out of his knowledge.
This.
This was something he knew.
Or once knew, as it appeared right now.
As he sat in his flat, in his chair, he couldn't say if he knew the answer or not anymore.
There seemed no way of figuring it out.
There seemed to be no way he could go about figuring it out.
His mind didn't spring off in to different directions that would lead him to the answer.
No, instead all his mind saw were the words flashing across his vision in a taunting manner.
Did Molly still love him?
Did Molly even have feelings for him now?
No answer came.
He was completely blank.
The only other thing he noticed was that within him something felt… missing.
And that's what frightened him the most.
Authors Note: Oh my lord! That was hella fun to write! Go Molly! You tell him, girl! I hope I made up for my dreadfully bad chapter previous. I really hope this helped make the last one seem a little bit more in character. I keep forgetting to ask if everyone knows why my story is called what it is. Let me know because I think if you can work it out, it basically tells you where it's all going. ;) Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know your thoughts? I love hearing them. They inspire me so much.
Petal.