Stay Together For The Kids - blink-182

Simon POV

"So wait, let me get this straight: The whole, Derek being murdered thing was a prank?"

"Yes, Simon. For the 19th time, it was fake."

"And Derek was never really dead?"

"No, Simon, Derek was never dead."

"And you did not use your scary necromancer powers to animate his corpse to try and either defeat Lauren, or judging by the evil laughter, try to murder us in vengeance for your boyfriend being killed?"

"Do I need to answer this?"

"Well sorry, Mrs. Scary Necromancer Powers!"

"Her powers are not scary!" Derek put in, scowling and draping an arm over her shoulders.

"Yes, they are," I muttered under my breath, looking down.

I was sitting on the couch next to my father and Tori. We had arrived home from the beach about 3 hours before, and had spent a better part of the last hour clarifying that the terrifying murder scene we had stumbled upon had indeed been a clever fake, and that my brother had not been killed by my father's bitch. I mean Lauren.

But seriously… That prank had just been wrong! I mean, how could we have gone from Saran Wrap to blood and knives? But I could actually see why my brother and the rest of them had wanted to pull this. The reactions, including mine, must have been pretty damn funny. I had actually slipped in the fake blood and gone somewhat insane, from what the camera told me. As in, rocking back and forth, looking like I belonged in an asylum insane. Like, watching the entire "Nyan Cat for 10 Hours" video on Youtube insane. Tori's was actually funnier to watch. She had actually started crying over Derek being dead. Like, WTF? I thought she hated him. Oh well.

My dad's was unbelievable. I mean, for him, after seeing the chick he was screwing around with murder his son, he did the thing any sensible macho man would do. He attacked her. That was all fine and dandy until he fell, and upon seeing a murderer leaning over him, he freaked. And then started bawling ass. Which is not the thing any sensible macho man would do. In fact, I do believe his man-card has been revoked for that little stunt. Derek would agree, most definitely.

So all in all, blah blah, terrifying prank = hilarious reactions. Yes, we get it. That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong! Where was the morality?

Tori POV

Need I say that I was pissed? I don't like it when I cry… it makes me look ugly. Yes, I know, I wasn't aware it was possible either. An ugly Tori is like… a sad Disneyland. Or an American U2. It just doesn't make any damn sense.

So, for making me look ugly, and then capturing the moment on video, I was going to kick the crap out of Chloe, Derek, and Lauren if I could get her. And the kicking would be done through the outlet of a prank. One that would really hit them where it hurt. And somehow, I knew that for Derek, it was his stomach. Ah, and there it was. The ultimate prank idea to destroy Derek was there.

"Simon," I called from the sofa in the girls' room. He walked in from the kitchenette. I

noticed that he still had a bit of the fake blood on his cheek. I motioned to my own cheek, and he scrubbed at it with his sleeve. He came in and sat down, the sad puppy dog look apparent on his face.

"Please tell me you have an awesome prank idea."

I nodded.

"Please tell me my dick of a brother will suffer."

Another nod.

"And Chloe?"

My eyebrows creased for a moment as I thought, and then I nodded again.

"And Lauren too?" came his all too hopeful response.

Another definitive nod.

"Well, fire away, old chum!"

"If you ever call me that again I swear will castrate you with a blunt knife, sorcerer."

A terrified nod.

"And then when I'm done, I will cover them in steak sauce, duct tape them to your forehead, and throw you in to a kennel of rabid, starved pit bulls and fan girls."

Simon noticeably shivered.

"Capische?"

Frantic nodding.

"Glad we understand each other."

Simon POV

I was in Wal-Mart. Why, you ask? Well, Tori claims that she has, "never set foot in Wal-Mart and don't ever plan to," because apparently, "only poor people shop at Wal-Mart." I see absolutely nothing wrong with shopping at the place. I mean, it's no 99 cent store. It could be a lot worse. So I was stuck shopping in the apparent poor person's store for the things we needed for our prank.

So anyways, I was in the children's toy aisle. I walked up and down it, browsing among the Dora the Explorer backpacks and wall flower decals, searching for the one thing I needed. I rounded the corner and discovered the single-handedly greatest object I had ever laid eyes on. Actually, the greatest objects I had ever laid eyes on. A giant metal cage held the largest number of bouncy balls I had ever seen. I craned my neck backwards to see the top of it, which climbed halfway to the ceiling. I immediately ran forward to the opening towards the bottom, through which you were free to grab any ball and buy it and take it home with you for it to be yours forever and ever and…

My eyes had started to tear up a bit at the amazing sight, and I immediately started looking in the vicinity of the opening, looking for the perfect ball that would be my best friend forever and ever and…

Just then, I felt a tug at my jeans. A small, smiling boy of about five was looking up at me, and when I met his eyes, he looked towards the ball container too. Ah, a fellow ball lover. I squatted to be about his height.

"Hey, there," I said to him. "Would you like a ball?" I asked. He nodded. "Okay, just point to which one." He scrutinized the cage, looking up and down it carefully. Finally, he decided.

"That one," he murmured, pointing. I followed his finger, and found it to be on a red one. At the very top. I looked at his innocent, begging face, and decided, what the hell.

"Okay, little guy. I'll get you your ball." I turned towards the cage, and looked all the way up. How was I going to get up there? Suddenly, I had an idea. I stuck my foot in to one of the holes formed by intersecting metal wires, and found it to be a reliable foothold. So I began my climb up the side of the cage.

"I hope to God this thing is braced at the bottom," I muttered under my breath as I scaled the container. As I neared the top, I found that I had a pretty good view of the store. The little boy got smaller and smaller, and people started to look up at the magnificent guy who was climbing the side of the ball cage. I could imagine their thoughts. "Wow, look at that guy! He's so amazing, getting the little boy a ball like that! What a kind, brave dude!"

"Look at that idiot, who the hell does he think he is, Spiderman?" one lady whispered to her companion, who nodded and pursed her lips.

When I finally got to the top, I swung a leg over and sat on top of all the balls. What an amazing feeling! I could see the whole store, and all the aisles and people, and… and a horde of people dressed in blue shirts and black pants. Dammit. Wal-Mart employees, plotting against my amazing feat, planning to steal my thunder and force my exit of the store.

"Sir, can you please dismount from the container?" one of them called from the crowd now standing at the bottom.

"Hell no! You'll never take me alive!" I yelled out, and threw a ball down. Not to hit anybody, just to make a statement. It flew down rather quickly, giving me an idea of just how high up I was. I looked nervously down, and watched it hit the ground with a resounding sound of plastic hitting linoleum. I swallowed thickly and began adjusting myself, looking for the red ball that the little boy wanted. I moved blues and purples and greens aside, and suddenly saw a flash of red.

"Yes!" I called out, holding the red ball above my head. Then I looked down. "Little boy!" I called out. I saw his tiny, ecstatic face in the crowd. "Here's your ball!" I yelled, and threw it down excitedly. He caught it in his tiny arms, and hugged it to himself. Ah, the sight of boy and ball together just made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

"Sir, can you please come down now?" another employee shouted, and I exhaled very loudly.

"I suppose I could, but I still have to find my ball!" I told her, and then continued shifting more balls to look for my best friend. "Not orange, not yellow," I muttered, as she started yelling something inaudible and the crowd began to murmur. Just then, I noticed a sudden, if subtle, shift. "Uh, oh," I muttered, and suddenly the damn burst.

At the bottom, the barrier that kept the balls inside suddenly seemed to stop working, and out of the opening balls were pouring like some sort of magical waterfall. I was rapidly shooting towards the bottom when I saw it. My dream ball. I waded towards it in the quickly descending fall, and wrapped my arms around it just as I was shot out through the bottom. The place was in pandemonium, everyone yelling as balls rolled everywhere; the kids in delight, the adults in panic. I smiled at the thought that I had caused all this.

I bolted towards the front of the store, ignoring the shouts of the Wal-Mart employees behind me. I ran towards the checkout aisles, and alarmed many shoppers. I dug a 5 out of my pocket and dropped it on the counter manned by a large man. "Thanks!" I yelled in mid-run, turning back for a moment, and then running out the front doors with my ball. I immediately called mist and fog to me upon my exit, obscuring my form from any video camera that might have been watching me. I kept it up until I was several blocks away. I smiled widely, hugging my new buddy. I then realized that I had completely forgotten to get the prank stuff. "Dammit," I said to myself, and then started walking to a different Wal-Mart. Because I doubted the one I had just left would welcome me back with another bright yellow smiley-face sticker and a cheery, "Welcome to Wal-Mart!"

Tori POV

"So that's why I'm no longer allowed back in the Wal-Mart on Main Street!" Simon finished, smiling proudly. He had tossed the bags on the coffee table in the guys' room, and had finished recounting the story of his afternoon to me.

"My God, you're an idiot," I murmured, face palming. "At least you got the stuff too."

"And my ball!" he added excitedly, hugging his "buddy" to his chest.

"Are you positive you're not doing anything? Pot, maybe?" He frowned at this.

"No, Tori. Drugs are for losers."

"Okay, okay. Just checking. Here, hand me the bags." He did, and I started rummaging through them.

"Awesome," I told him once I was through. "You wanna do this now, before they get back?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Yeah, they said they'd be gone for a couple hours, and wasn't that about 10 minutes before I came back?"

"Mmm hmm. Let's get started then."

I reached in to the first bag and pulled out the basic package of Play-Dough. "You any good at sculpting?" I asked him, and received a head shake. "Alright then," I muttered, and slashed through the plastic with my fingernail. I shook out the four colors and appraised my options. I uncapped the red one first and shook out the dough. I kneaded it and set it aside. I did the same with the other colors. I then split the yellow in half, and slowly combined it with bits of red until I had achieved the brownish yellow color of cooked pizza dough. I then coated the "dough" with almost all of the rest of the red, making it look like tomato sauce. Then, I ran the rest of the yellow through the tiny toy it had come with. It produced things that looked like pieces of cheese. I spread these on the little slice of pizza I was making, and then smoothed them down to look like they'd been through an oven.

I got up and got a spritzer bottle from the kitchenette, and sprayed the pizza with it, making it look incredibly realistic. I mean, even for Play Dough, it looked pretty damn delicious. The only problem would be getting Simon not to eat it. I looked over to see how he was doing.

He had gotten 2 bottles of club soda (eesh, who likes that shit anyways? Tastes like absolute crap. Apparently only to be used in alcoholic beverages). He was now pouring alternating amounts of red and yellow food dye in to one of the bottles, and eventually achieved a brown color that looked similar to Coke. He left the other one empty. He then switched the club soda labels with the wrappers of the new bottles sitting in the cooler. Respectively, Coke and Sprite half-liter bottles. He tossed me the Sprite with the club soda label and instructed me to down it. He gave himself the Coke.

"Last thing," I said, digging out the box of Oreos and the tube of toothpaste. "Grab a knife," I told him, and he retrieved 2 plastic butter knifes and a glass from the counter. I opened the package and slid out the tray. I grabbed a knife and began splitting the first few cookies in one row. I scraped the filling off with the knife and in to the glass. I uncapped the toothpaste and squirted some on to one cookie half. I spread it evenly with the knife, and then replaced the other half. Simon copied me, and we finished the first 3 cookies in each row in a matter of minutes. This way, no matter where the people would grab their cookie, they'd get a Thin Mint instead of an Oreo.

I hi-fived Simon, and then picked up the glass. I ran my finger on the inside edge and snagged some of the frosting. "Yum," I declared, licking my finger. Simon snatched it back and devoured some of it.

"I agree," he said. I grabbed it back.

"No way, diabetic. You don't get to agree. Gimme."

The final thing I did was relatively simple. I just unscrewed the lids of the salt and pepper shakers to where they'd fall off the moment they were turned upside down. I replaced them in their normal spot.

After we (I) finished the cup, we put things away. The toothpaste in the bathroom, and the Oreos in the kitchen for after dinner. The bottles in the pantry, and the "pizza" slice in the fridge. We'd send Derek to the fridge later with the incentive of one last slice left, his for the taking. I tossed Simon the green Play-Dough, and told him to go crazy. Unfortunately, I think he took my meaning to heart. I got the blue one, and retired to my room to stimulate the right portion of my brain and creatively use it to fulfill an artistic part of me never honed as a child.

In other words, I played with it.

I chuckled as I kneaded it, squeezing it between my fist and watching the tendrils wrap themselves around my knuckles. I flattened it in my palm and stretched it out, seeing how thin it could get without breaking. I then rolled it up in to a burrito, and folded in the edges. I made it in to a box, and then rolled the edges in to a sphere. I tried to make a triangular prism, and was still trying to get the gunk from underneath my fingernails when the family returned. From where, you ask? Like I gave enough of a shit to care.

They arrived cold and hungry, and so I immediately suggested dinner. The sooner to implement the prank, my dears! I ushered them in to the guy's room, Derek eyeing me suspiciously but not openly confronting me regarding my manner. Heh heh. Stupid wolf boy. He didn't know what he was in for.

When Simon noticed their entrance, he called out a hello. Derek's stomach rumbled at a very opportune time, and Simon took advantage of it.

"Bro, there's a slice of pizza in the fridge if you want it." Wolf boy about bolted over there. He threw open the fridge door and grabbed the slice. Without even bothering with a microwave (as we'd hoped he wouldn't… the smell and subsequent appearance would be hard to pass off as Domino's very best), he snarfed the piece. And paused in his chewing. And then… swallowed? He frowned.

"Dude, that was a little stale. And a bit salty. Pretty good though. Thanks for the tip."

Understandably, at this point, I was having some trouble not showing everybody my lunch. My facial expression, which had been set in a smile ready to morph in to something a little more smug, was close to shattering. I took a deep breath through my mouth, and then exhaled. Okay, Tori. You knew wolf boy was weird. Not a big deal…

Later on, during dinner (ordered takeout, as per usual), someone asked me to pass the salt. Hiding my smile, I agreed, and watched as Chloe got more than she bargained for. She shot me a glare, believing that I had done it just before passing it, not knowing that the salt was the least of her worries that evening. Then, Kit called to bring out the soda. I smirked at Simon, and he smirked back as he went and retrieved the tampered-with bottles. He set them on the table, and sat back as everyone poured some in to their glasses. Laughter from the both of us at the choking and sputtering when everyone took a sip.

"Damn flat soda," Lauren choked out, standing to empty her glass in to the sink. Oh Lauren, if only you knew…

After dinner, Derek spotted the Oreos on the counter. He pointed them out to Chloe, who opened the package. She got one for Derek and one for herself (what, not doing to offer us any? Not that we'd take it). They bit at the exact same moment, and their expressions were hilarious.

"What is with the messed up food tonight?" Chloe yelled, and I laughed. She whirled around and looked at me and Simon laughing our asses off, and she got it.

"It's a prank!" she exclaimed to Derek, who was busy scraping his tongue out over the sink. He raised his head, retracting his tongue inside his mouth.

"Seriously?" he asked me, rolling his eyes. "Really lame, guys. Not at all up to standard."

I made an exasperated noise. "Does every prank need to be a freaking professional horror movie scene? Just accept the fact that- oh holy shit. You didn't know." My face remained blank for a moment, and in the next I was laughing so hard that I had to hold myself up on the chair to keep from ROFL'ing. I choked out to Simon, "The- the pizza," and he started laughing as hard as me. Derek and Chloe stood confused for a moment.

"Your pizza slice was Play-Dough!" I screeched at him through teary eyes. He cocked his head to the side, and then turned this really nasty shade of green. He spun suddenly and started yakking in the sink. I laughed harder, covering my nose. Chloe started rubbing his back as he gagged, shooting us a dirty look. "That was really mean, guys!" she yelled, and I just laughed harder.

"No, you know what's mean? This." I grabbed the takeout box that had been sitting in the counter and chucked it (wrong choice of verb) at the both of them. It flipped open and spattered both of them with house noodles. Chloe's mouth was set in a comical "O", and I don't think Derek even noticed. Then, her face turned red. She swiped at the noodles hanging like hair accessories in her face and locked her eyes with mine. She strode forward, muttering, "You'll regret that, Tori." She picked up the box containing the rice, and just before she threw it at Simon and I, she screamed…

"FOOD FIGHT!"

The day after one's birfday is quite anticlimactic, isn't it?

I might need a beta reader for this story. If you wanna apply for the job, you have to be quick but thorough. Thanks.

Thanks to multiple people for the various ideas that fueled this story. Yup. Your help is enjoyed & appreciated.

Review, because I have something very special planned for the 200 review celebration. Mmm hmm, now you're intrigued. Ha. You'll just have to wait.

Gah. I love Play-Dough. *plays with it* hehe, it's so weird! Me loves it! *smashes it on laptop keyboard* NOO! *frantically tries to scrape it off*

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No I didn't actually type "ergo" on purpose. Weird huh?

K bye.