Another super quick update! AND super long - well at least from me, I think the longest one I have posted yet :) I had this in my head for such a long time that these last few chapters are writing themselves :)

Enjoy!

It was already two weeks since they returned back to Konoha. Kakashi, as every morning he was in Konoha, was squatting on his feet in front of the memorial stone talking to those that were not with him anymore. He had difficulty to concentrate on only one thing, feeling like a jittery teenage boy. The visit to the stone usually helped him to sort things out in his head, to calm the racing heart, to put clarity into upcoming decisions. But during the last two weeks his mind kept racing between memories and not even the solemn peacefulness of the stone could rid him of the newfound confusion. He wasn't sure what to do. He had been so sure before, his resolve about love has been so one-sided that he wanted to slap himself, not thinking about the receiver of his feelings.

The discussion he had with Tsunade came back to his mind.

As he stepped closer to Tsunade a lightning struck behind her and if he wasn't the man he was he would have jumped at the light and the almost immediate thunder. Tsunade motioned for him to sit down and took a bottle of sake from a hidden compartment in the table and two cups, pouring one for each.

"So Hatake, tell me what really happened. And please spear me the lies." She still saw his hesitation. "This conversation is not with the Hokage, but with a concerned mother figure and a friend."

Kakashi understood what she was saying and uneasily noted that she didn't mention there would be no bodily harm coming to his person should she hear something she doesn't like or approve.

"She started it and she ended it." Kakashi tried to be as vague as possible. He wasn't one to discuss such personal matters, especially with the Godaime who could neuter him with the flick of her finger. He heard the story and he wished he hadn't because he had almost incontrollable urge to cover his valuables every time the woman was in sight. He didn't believe it at first, thinking it was just another rumor, but Izumo and Kotetsu were looking through old mission reports and came across that particular report with a detailed explanation of what and especially how it happened. Since then he held an even greater respect for Jiraya as he was one of the witnesses of said incident and still managed to look her in the eye and anger her knowing full well what she could do to him.

She sipped her sake quietly. "Why did she end it?"

"Isn't that something you should be asking her?"

"She won't tell anything, not even to Ino. That's why I'm asking you. If you care about her, and I think you do, you will answer my questions. Please." Tsunade snapped at him a little impatiently.

He was a little taken aback; this was probably the first time he heard her say please. Since when did the Hokage plead?

"I expressed a possibility of deeper feelings for her and she got angry and said she isn't looking for a relationship and broke it off."

During the night when they had fought, he was trying to figure out what the hell happened. He didn't return to the dining room in hope that time would make her less volatile as he went after her and saw her pounding an innocent tree into oblivion. He stayed the night on the roof, thinking over what happened and making some head and tales of what he was feeling and what he wanted or should do.

When she didn't come back to the room to sleep he wanted to at least talk to her in the morning but she managed to ignore him. It irked him that she was going about it like a child and not a grown-up that she was. The it's-not-there-if-I-shut-my-eyes philosophy was something Kakashi didn't acknowledge. He wanted to clear things up with her, at least for the sake of their past if not for the future. He might not have kept in touch with her that much, but he still considered her as one of his friends. He was hurt and had to admit to himself also angry at her for dismissing his feelings so easily.

He tried to make at least some eye contact with her in the morning and during the trip, but she refused to look at him or even talk to him. Her adamant denial of anything happening between them had surprised him. She didn't even bat an eyelash at her lies to both Naruto and Tsunade, not even a small blush appeared on her face.

Now he was sitting here, with his Hokage, unsure of how this discussion might help Sakura.

"Did she tell you why?" asked Tsunade with a concerned frown on her face.

He really didn't enjoy this conversation. "She was looking just for.. ah.. ehm.. physical relation, not an emotional one."

There was complete silence for the next few minutes, disturbed only by Tsunade drinking her cup of sake and refilling it once more.

"I'm going to tell you, because I care for her like my daughter and I will not let anyone hurt her, even if it's herself."

"She thinks no one knows, but what kind of Hokage would I be if I didn't know what happens in my village and to my apprentice nonetheless."

"When Sasuke died she was very sad, when her father died a year later, making her an orphan she was crushed, but when her boyfriend died the next year she… became broken."

The only reason Kakashi's jaw didn't hit the floor was because of his mask. She lost so many precious people in such a short time? That's when it dawned on him.

"Those three braids she has…" he left the thought unfinished and Tsunade confirmed it with a nod of her head.

"When that boy died, she shut herself in her apartment for a week and when she returned her hair was shorter and she started wearing those annoying three braids." A constant reminder of those she lost.

"How did he die?" Kakashi asked after a while of silence, trying to find out more about this boyfriend of Sakura's.

"He was her patient. A civilian. He was part of her research group. He died due to the same illness as her father. She promised her father on his death bed that she will find a cure for it."

"Did she?"

"Yes… and no."

Tsunades answer confused Kakashi and she must have noticed as she continued.

"This illness seems to be connected to chakra molding. That's why it affects mostly civilians who do not use chakra consciously. The chakra flow in civilians is irregular and hectic which may cause in some cases, such as with her father and Daichi, congestion of those pathways and subsequently causes tumors or in worse cases internal bleeding and organ failure. The only cure is to train to use or at least to circulate chakra consciously. She was the one who found the connection between the chakra flow and the illness." continued Tsunade with her explanation.

"Daichi? Was that his name?"

Tsunade nodded in affirmation. "He was just few years older than Sakura. A very smart boy. I think that appealed to Sakura most. His intelligence and his attitude. He could rival Naruto with his everlasting smile and optimism. She doesn't know that a nurse walked in on them when they were playing doctor." Tsunade actually snickered when she remembered her and Dan playing the same game and Shizune walked in on them.

"He died that morning of brain hemorrhage. The nurse was worried about Sakura so she came to me when he died. I forbade her to say anything to anyone about it, not wanting unnecessary rumors spreading around."

"She took a week off and when she returned to the hospital she had cut her hair and pretended like nothing happened. The research had been concluded and she handed me the report that evening. She didn't mention anything about Daichi. I tried to give her time, I tried to talk to her, I even tried to get her drunk to get her talking but that was another failure. I even tried to get Ino Yamanaka on her case but even her best friend failed for all I know."

"When did this happen?"

"Two years ago. She closed herself up and if you look closer you can see the fakeness of her smile as it rarely reaches her eyes as it used to. She is trying to bury all her emotions." Tsunade downed another sake cup and looked genuinely concerned and sad at the memories of her student. After a moment of silence she looked Kakashi into his eye.

"And why exactly do you think I would be able to do anything about it if I may ask Hokage-sama?"

"You may think you are unreadable Hatake but that one visible eye is more telling sometimes then a book." Tsunade knew something was up when Hatake actually showed up on time and when she asked him too. Even if ANBU were sent to escort him, he wasn't the one who would come. He always came in his own time and fashion when he deemed the time was right. He actually wanted to see how Sakura will react and what she will say.

"Her bond with you is stronger, you being her ex-teacher and.. all.. and given your own past you just might be the right person to talk some sense into her. She is too dear to me to let her do this to herself. This is not an order, this is a plea. Help her if you can because short of pounding some sense into her with my fists I am out of options."

They sat quietly for some time before Kakashi stood up to leave, feeling wearier from this conversation then from the day's travel. Before he exited the room via his favored exit option - window - Tsunade spoke up again.

"Oh, and Kakashi, hurt her and that just might be the end of the Hatake line…" She wiggled her right pinky at him and smiled contentedly at his visibly paling face.

Rain started falling down several minutes ago and Kakashi was already soaked to the bone. He didn't mind the wet hair sticking to his face and the clothes getting heavier with all the water they soaked up. He was feeling it was rather appropriate to his mood, the feeling of weight that was pulling him down.

The question that was plaguing him was if he really was the right person to help Sakura as the Hokage suggested. He had to make sure that what he felt for her was real. He could not go into this halfheartedly and then leave her because his feelings were not real, that would be not be fair to either of them and even more cruel then if he were to die probably.

The other thing that troubled him is that Sakura seemed to be alright while they were away. Sure she had seen the hurt in her eyes as he asked her about the notebook, at first he thought he had imagined that, and once when she broke up with him. Otherwise she seemed to be her old self, even happy he would dare say, but the Hokage didn't have a reason to lie about Sakura's emotional state.

His emotions were all over the place for these past two weeks and he really didn't know what to do, think or feel anymore. He wanted to protect her that was for sure. The need to see her and make sure she is alright was ever-present but until now he managed to stay away from her, trying to sort through his own mess before he went to see her.

The space didn't seem to be helping him so he decided it was time to seek her out. He had to make sure that there was some hope, make sure that what he felt for her was truly genuine and not just some woken up regret from the past, a reflection of his feelings for Rin, because try as he might he had to admit that they really were similar and at the same time so different.

With mind set on the current mission he said his goodbyes to those who he left behind he stood up and walked away with a purpose, to see Sakura. In shinobi's dictionary to see someone had different levels or approaches. The one he wanted to take and usually used would be called by some, good old fashioned stalking, but he liked to call it making-sure-she-was-alright-while-hiding-in-the-shadows.

For the first three weeks she tried burying herself in work as much as she could. Taking all extra shifts that were available, doing voluntarily outstanding paper work and she was even willing to clean up after procedures if it meant she didn't have to go home where she inadvertently had to face her own thoughts and emotions.

After one and a half week of extra shifts she was barely able to stand on her feet and was quickly forbidden by both Tsunade and Shizune to take any more extra shifts for the next two weeks. Instead of extra shifts she buried herself in the paper work which she managed to sort through within the next week and a half. There was no medical emergency, there was no influenza epidemic or any other sort of epidemic, and the days in the hospital were slow. Normal person would be glad that the hospital didn't have that much work but Sakura was not normal, she needed to put her mind to work and not sit idly and look out of the window of her apartment.

When Tsunade found out she was still spending such an enormous time in the hospital she forced her to take a few days off and forbade her to set foot on the Hospital grounds for the next three days and has instructed the hospital staff to report her immediately should she come as a doctor, the only exception would be if she was seriously injured and on the brink of the death- as she was more than capable to heal everything else that might be wrong with her.

During those three weeks in the hospital she managed to avoid almost everyone, including Ino that was, if the rumors could be trusted, to be seen with certain Akimichi most of the time. Ino even moved a few shifts so she could have more free time. The only exception was Naruto that dragged her to have some ramen for lunch, twice. Most of the first lunch she spent denying everything and trying to prove to Naruto that Kakashi didn't do anything bad and the second half she was trying to get Lee to leave her alone after he spotted her at the Ichiraku. She swears he has some kind of radar or tracking device built for the sole purpose of tracking her down.

He came in with that bright smile of his that could illuminate a dark cave – some of the rookie nine actually had a bet running about that – and demanded to fight for her honor with Kakashi-san and to prove his everlasting youthful love to her. As Naruto was still not convinced about Kakashi to be so innocent in all of this – and with a prospect of a good fight - he actually joined Lee and they went to find Kakashi to have some heart to heart, or fist to rasengan to sharingan in this case. Sakura just sighted dejectedly and finished her lunch and went back to the hospital and thanks to those two idiots she was on edge the whole rest of the day waiting for them to come back all beaten up.

In few days as none of them came bloodied to the hospital, Naruto came to drag her to another lunch. He was moping most of the time that he couldn't find Kakashi anywhere and that it wasn't fair, that he wanted to have a fight with him. According to Naruto, Lee was doing one of his challenges as a punishment for not finding Kakashi and restoring Sakura's honor as he had promised her. Sakura innocently suggested that Naruto could join him as a good training and he jumped at the opportunity. That earned Sakura few days of freedom from Naruto and she also unintentionally mentioned to Tsunade that Naruto is getting bored and would enjoy a nice long mission.

She liked Naruto like a brother, little obnoxious brother, that needed to be kept occupied otherwise he will drive you crazy. So being the good friend and sister she arranged some activities for him. She was just not in the mood to explain and defend her and Kakashi for the next few weeks until the knuckle headed friend would get it through that thick skull of his that nothing happened. Or maybe she was just tired of lying to him and somewhere deep down she knew that he was more observant then he let on and could see straight through her lies. Either way she hoped that the training with Lee and a nice mission would distract him enough that he will stop asking about Kakashi.

After she was forced to leave the hospital and take three days rest with a death threat from Tsunade she went to her apartment. After an hour of cleaning, every surface sparkled. She was a tidy person by nature and she didn't spend too much time in her apartment so she didn't really have that much to clean. She even went out for groceries shopping. All that took her just two hours and she found herself thinking way too much for her liking.

She looked around her apartment one more time trying to find something to do and decided to rather go the library and look up some of the plants she had scribbled about from little Midori-chan.

When she took the first step towards the library doors and ANBU appeared and denied her access.

"Sai? Really? You got to be kidding me." To her dismay Tsunade had anticipated that she would go and hide out in the library, not really getting some rest she has notified the library workers and actually assigned one ANBU to guard the entrance.

"Sorry Ugly. Hokage's orders." She had to take few calming breaths. It wouldn't do to punch Sai through the wall and possibly damage the books and scrolls.

Sakura was looking forward to those three days she was forced to take a rest to spend them in the library, cooped up with all the books she would manage to find on those plants and researching thoroughly their medicinal properties. As the option of the library was denied to her she went to training ground three where she sat down below one of the trees that was not far from the three posts and the memorial stone. She did the second best thing she could.

She took out her notebook and started going through the notes she had written down, thankful for the distraction of the next few hours she spent making plans of what to research and what combinations to try. She was quickly engrossed in the work and the possibilities and she started scribbling more notes. She didn't even notice when she drifted off to a light sleep, holding her notebook close to her chest. She was startled awake by something. She had to blink few times to realize why her vision was so blurry and her cheeks wet. She was crying in her sleep again. She furiously removed the wetness from her face with the back of her hand and pocketed her notebook. She was angry at herself that she let her guard down again and that someone could have seen her cry, could see her weakness so openly. She stalked away from there banging an innocent tree on her way out of the training grounds and unbeknownst to her she made the copy-nin hold on to the branch for his dear life as the tree shook violently after her punch.

The second day of her forced holiday she decided to spend training as that was always a good way to take her mind of the things she didn't want to think about and as soon as she woke up she put on her old black shorts and parted light pink skirt and a red tank top. She took her prepared bento box and something to drink and she strapped on the rest of her gear and ran to the 45th training ground that was secluded enough from the rest of the village and other training grounds that she will not disturb anyone by destroying her surroundings as much as she wanted to.

She had to bribe Izumo to let her book the training ground for today under a different name. Part of the bribe had to also be that she will make Yamato take care of the repairs of the woods as he knew she would obliterate most of the landscape. She would of course repair most of the ground thanks to her affinity to earth style jutsus, but Yamato was the only one who can repair the trees to their former glory so she spent most of yesterday persuading both men to do what she wanted. She had to promise both Yamato and Izumo to set them up with the new nurse Akime. Well, let the best man win she thought as she promised both a blind date with her.

All that had to be done in secret because taking a break from the hospital meant she was supposed to take it easy and not rent a training ground for the whole day so she could use up most of her chakra and stamina for destroying most of the huge ground near The Forest of Death. If Tsunade was to find out she would really get an ass kicking from her. That was the reason for her other bribe. She discreetly sneaked into the Hokage office and hid a rather large sake bottle in one of Tsunade's usual hiding spots, making sure she would find it in the morning, leaving the small hidden compartment slightly ajar.

After a quick stretch she went through some easier exercises to make sure she wasn't out of practice and through some kunai's around making a smiley face on a rather distant tree. For the next hour she practiced her taijutsu and in the next hour she practiced some of her new ninjutsu she wanted to master for a while but didn't have time to try them out. After a quick break and lunch she proceeded with what she was itching to do from the start. Destroy as much as possible and make herself very tired in the process. She of course made sure she would have enough chakra left to clean up most of the destroyed land.

With a tired smile she looked at her handiwork as the training ground was mostly back to its original state minus the trees. Yamato promised to come at around sundown to make the repairs so she packed her things, counted her kunai and left to take one hot long shower and sleep like a dead person for the rest of the day and night.

On the third day she woke up in a good mood, at least until she remembered that she had nothing to do today. Absolutely nothing that would make her and her mind occupied enough so she wouldn't have to think about anything. She decided to turn on the television hoping it would distract her, but everything seemed to remind her of Kakashi or the mission they were on. She even tried reading few books that Ino lent her some time ago but they were all about romance and love and once again her mind went back to the copy-nin. She spent most of the day coming up with different distractions but none of them seemed to work

She let out a frustrated growl as she gave up on reading and decided to go where she didn't want to. Into her own mind and emotions. She had to face her own emotions and that was one thing she tried to avoid as much as possible since Daichi died.

Though if she was really going to do this she would need at least some alcohol to take the edge off. She took out an older bottle of red wine she had stored in her cabinet and poured herself a glass. She let her mind sort out through the memories of the past month and to the emotions associated with them.

After analyzing most of the memories she had to admit to herself that while she was with Kakashi she had acted rather differently. She was almost her old self and she didn't have to try so hard to smile and pretend she was happy. If she wasn't so deep in denial she might even admit that she was happy with him. He took her mind of everything else and all that was there was him.

She didn't like where her mind was going and even less liked the feeling of hurt in her body when she thought of not seeing him. She had managed to avoid him for the time being but she dreaded the day she would see him. She wasn't sure how she will react or what he will do. She started unconsciously playing with her three braids.

When back at the ryokan he said those words she felt warmth spread through her body almost reaching her heart that was still in pieces since Daichi died. That is when she remembered what she had promised herself. She knew her heart wouldn't survive another break; she wouldn't survive another man leaving her alone in this world. That hole Daichi left in her heart when he died seemed to be even more painful now that Kakashi almost reached it.

She was sitting on the carpet with her back pressed to her couch and with her hand holding the wine glass propped up on her knee. She drank most of the bottle by now and she didn't feel any better. She knew she couldn't drink more as she needed to go to work tomorrow. She knew that feeling that was welling up in her right now, making it hard for her to swallow, so she let herself go. Just this once, she silently promised herself, just tonight and tomorrow she would pick herself up and go to the hospital and forget once more and live her life these past two years until that dammed festival and trip to the ryokan.

She silently cried as she drank the rest of the wine and fell asleep on the couch, cursing Hatake for making her this emotional when she was after two years so good with keeping them in check.

As she fell asleep a shadow moved behind the window to come closer and inside her living room through the half opened window. He took the blanket from the chair and covered her sleeping form. He brushed a strand of pink hair from her face, letting his fingers linger on her slightly blushing cheek. He pulled them quickly away when she stirred and said a name from her sleep.

Just 2-3 chapters and we are finished with this story :( will miss it!

Anyway, thank you all for the reviews and faves and alerts! They always manage to encourage me and make my day much better :)