Mishaps Of The Eastern Wonderland

by Captain Vulcan

Lots of crazy stuff can happen in the realm of Gensokyou. Latest featured tale: The Great Shinobi Incident - Part I. A mysterious sect of ninja is putting the people of Gensokyou on edge. And if that isn't bad enough, Reimu has been kidnapped. Kasen has her work cut out before her.

6. Maidens VS Ninjas

Get ready for the next battle!

TOUHOU PROJECT

MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND

6th Tale

Maidens VS Ninjas

A dark cloud looms over the elusive land of Gensokyou. The citizens of this wonderland were distraught over a number of recent events. Fear grips the hearts of the fair people as a mysterious new menace lurks the area. A new incident is on the horizon. With the emergence of such an incident, it was up to Gensokyou's heroines to save the day. The shadows of this new darkness will be brought to the light.

Speaking of shadows…

Two figures ran along the rooftops of the Human Village. Their movements were both discreet and swift. Both of them were clothed in dark robes and hoods. They were ninja: infamous yet very mysterious agents of incredibly enigmatic origins. Ghosts lurking in the dark, they traversed the roofs of the village undetected. Ninjutsu was often christened as the 'Art of Invisibility' and the two mysterious figures were nailing the reputation pretty well.

For now, anyway…

"Hey," a voice from a small restaurant below wondered. "Did I hear something on the roof just now?"

"Hmm, maybe it was a cat or a tengu up there," a deeper softer voice followed. "No need to worry about it, Moukou. Let's finish up our meal."

"I could have sworn that I heard something, Keine…"

Or so the two on the roof thought…

One of the agents made a shushing gesture. He was a lean male with broad shoulders and he was carrying a sack full of stuff. "Shh… let's get a move on - quietly."

The other ninja, a taller, overweight fellow, nodded in agreement. He carried a bag as well. "Alright, right behind you."

The shinobi duo resumed their espionage but there was something that they did not count on…

"MEOWRR!" A cat shrieked as the big guy accidently stepped on its tail. It instinctively clawed the offender on his foot in retaliation.

"Oww!" The big man hollered, grabbing hold of his aching foot. The cat scurried away.

"Holy crap, Toru," the lean ninja scolded. "Let the whole village know that we're here, why don't cha?"

"Sorry about that, Nobu." Toru replied. "I wasn't expecting a cat to be up on the roof during this time of night." He picked up his loot, unaware of the way he's holding it.

"Toru! You're spilling the stuff we've stolen!" Nobu shrieked in horror.

Women's undergarments were pouring out of the huge bag that Toru was carrying. "Damn it all!" Toru swore, noticing they were falling over the edge of the rooftop.

"No time for that, man! We gotta go!" Nobu urged. "We can't risk getting caught!"

At the restaurant beneath the roof, Moukou's suspicions were confirmed. She spotted a number of undergarments raining to the ground. "Keine, I knew I heard something on the roof! Look over there!" She exclaimed, pointing outside the restaurant.

"What in the world is going on?" Keine gasped in wonder.

Sitting across the table from them was the child chronicler of Gensokyou. Akyuu batted her long eyelashes and took a slurp out of her bowl of noodles. "Well, this is an odd development."

"I'm heading to the roof!" Moukou declared as she shot up from the table accompanied by Akyuu and Keine. "This is too weird to let slide!"

"Moukou!" Keine gasped as her best friend rushed out the door. "Uh… what am I going to do with her?" She sighed.

"Maybe we should come along," Akyuu suggested. "Don't worry about the bill. It's on the house."

Keine bowed. "I appreciate your kindness, Miss Akyuu." She got up from the table and stacked the messy (Moukou's) plates together. Her immortal friend had eaten four plates of food. The plates were almost spotless. "Moukou definitely appreciates it. The girl eats like Miss Yuyuko sometimes."

"Yes, she has boundless energy." Akyuu joked. "She's always on the move and burning away the calories of tonight's meal as we speak."

"I see…" Keine responded absentmindedly, surveying all the underwear that fell from the sky. "How risqué… if this is the start of another incident… then I have to wonder why women's undergarments?"

"That's a good question," said Akyuu. One pair of pajamas in particular caught her attention. "Hold on a second. Could it be?" She picked up the orange sleepwear and checked to see if it was her size. "What in the world is going on?" Akyuu gasped. "These are mine!"

Keine was holding a pair of black low-rise panties with an equally surprised expression. "And these are mine! What's going on? I just purchased this pair the other day!"

Akyuu tilted her head in wonder. The hanyou woman was holding a pair of panties that were roughly the size of her fist. Akyuu didn't mean to be rude, but she said "Really? That pair belongs to you?"

"Of course they do!" Keine replied truthfully. She was absolutely certain that the pair belonged to her.

"Hmm…" Akyuu narrowed her eyes as she surveyed Keine's round backside. A deep blush rose on her cheeks. "Wow. Just how do you manage to fit into them?"

The hanyou's skin glowed red in embarrassment. "Miss Akyuu! That's none of your business!" Keine chided. "Let's go! There's no time to waste!"

The ninth Child of Maire nodded out of her stupor. "Ah – right!"

Five rooftops away from the restaurant, the thieves fled as if their lives depended on it. "You don't think that anyone could be following us, do you?" Toru asked.

"You've left a trail," Nobu complained. "Of course someone's following us!" The lean ninja contemplated leaving his meaty companion to his fate because of the screw-up. But he knew better. Their master would have his head if he abandoned Toru during a mission. "This is going to be a long night!"

"Uh… and I think it's about to get a lot longer." Toru informed, pointing towards two figures that were before them.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Nobu wondered, finally noticing the two beings heading towards them. "Shit!"

"What are we going to do?" Toru prompted.

"Hold it right there!" The first person commanded, obviously a woman.

"Stop in the name of the law!" The second person demanded. It was another woman with a deeper voice.

"Oh crap!" Toru swore. "It's that crazy cop!"

"I'm not going back to jail!" Nobu vowed. "We're going to have to fight our way out of this one, Toru!"

The big man's smile was visible through his mask. "Now we're talking!"

The men halted in their escape and now stood before the women in challenge. "You two caused enough trouble for today," Kotohime began. "I've been investigating this incident for two days and it looks like you guys are the culprits. Give up and turn yourselves in. Unless you want to do this the hard way, it really doesn't matter to me by this point."

Meira unsheathed her katana. She never dealt with ninja before but she knew enough about them when it comes to fight-or-flight situations. Things could get ugly.

"Look, Nobu! The pretty girl took out her sword!" Toru was ready for a fight.

Meira blushed a bit but she kept her serious composure.

Nobu unsheathed his blade as well. "Is that right? Let's give them a fight then."

"Hold it!" Kotohime commanded, seemingly indignant about something. "Pretty girl? What do you mean by that? I'm right here too, you know."

The ninja thieves raised their brows. "And…?"

"Darn it! I'm a pretty girl, too!" The Maniacal Princess complained. "Why, I'm one of the most desirable girls in Gensokyou – youkai included." She preened her hair and allowed the slit in her kimono to show a glimpse of her smooth leg. "Tell me that I'm wrong."

"Uh, Koto…" Meira intoned.

Kotohime rambled on. "I've won beauty pageants, knowledge competitions, sporting events, spelling bees…"

"This isn't the right time to rant, y'know?"

"Do you have any idea of how many men (and a woman or two) would love to take me out on a date?" The deranged redhead had rested her hands on her hips, pouting cutely.

"Nobody cares, Koto!"

"That's exactly right!" Nobu rushed towards the self-proclaimed royal enforcer with his ninjato drawn. Meira intercepted his warpath as she jumped right in front of Kotohime and locked her katana with Nobu's blade. "Tch! Nice form you have, lady. But let's see how well you handle that blade of yours."

"Yea, you're not getting any cheap-shots off of any of us." Meira grunted.

A dark cast appeared on what little was visible on Nobu's face. "Cheap-shots? Don't you know that there isn't such a thing as a fair fight?" He withdrew from the samurai-ko's struggle and kicked her in the stomach as he did so.

"Meira!" Kotohime shrieked. She turned a glare at Meira's opponent. "Jeez! You're not supposed to hit a girl in the stomach, you know?" She noticed that Meira shrugged off the pain and engaged her opponent again. "Yeah! Kick his butt, Meira!"

"Eii!" Meira retaliated with a swipe intended for the ninja's head. Her adversary ducked the blow, slicing off his scarf.

"She's pretty fast, Nobu." Toru advised. "Stay on your toes, man!"

The smaller ninja would have made a retort but Meira was still on him, pressing the offensive. Their blades locked again and he noticed the slightly predatory look in Meira's eyes. "Ugh... I guess I've pissed you off, huh?"

Meira's response was a kick to his knee, dropping him down on the other. She hit him across his face with the hilt of her blade and he fell on his back. "That was dishonorable!" Meira complained, kicking the man while he was down. She stomped on Nobu's ribs, causing him to ball up on the ground and roll away from the assault. Yet, Meira was still pressing her offensive as she hopped towards him with her sword raised overhead for a mortal strike.

Luckily for Nobu, he still had a firm grasp on his steel and guarded against the samurai woman's injuring attack. He pushed back Meira with his feet and hastily gotten himself back on his feet. Crap! She's pretty aggressive like an irate beast. No matter. It's time for me to end this little scuffle.

"Hey, what's up?" A voice greeted. An intense burning pain suddenly met Nobu's back.

"Argh – shit!" Nobu cussed as he dropped on the ground, rolling. "Hot! Hot! Hot!"

"That's right," Moukou assured as she landed on the rooftop they were currently on. "And there's more of that where that came from if you piss me off."

Meira noticed the white-haired woman. "It's you."

"Hi there, Moukou!" Kotohime greeted.

"Look what we have here," Moukou surveyed the huge man glaring at her from a distance. The much smaller man was rolling on the ground, ridding the flames on his clothes. "Ninja, huh? I'm afraid that I haven't met you two before in the Forest of the Lost."

"There you are!" Keine shouted as she arrived with Akyuu. "You're too fast for your own good sometimes, you know?"

Toru took a menacing step towards the ladies. "It looks like I'm gonna have to step in and give you a hand, Nobu."

Moukou was unfazed by the big man's advance, "The more the merrier, big man."

"How odd," commented Akyuu. "I didn't know that there's another clan of ninja in Gensokyou - much less cause trouble around the village."

The chronicler's statement garnered Keine's attention. "For the longest time I thought that ninja didn't exist in Gensokyou until Moukou told me. And from what she said, these two men are totally different from the ninja from the forest."

"That's because we're not from here." Toru said, employing a large spear.

"Oh really," Kotohime drawled with sarcasm. "Your little buddy was complaining about not going back to jail just now. Someone's lying, if you ask me."

Toru slowly turned his attention towards Kotohime. "True, the two of us are from here, but…"

"TORU!" Nobu yelled, relieve of the flame that was on his back. The back of his dogi was burned off, revealing a scar on his chiseled back. "You're saying too much!"

Kotohime noticed the scar.

"Who are you? And what's this about another clan that's not from here?" Akyuu demanded, comprehensive.

"And how in the word did they enter Gensokyou in the first place?" Meira wondered, her katana still drawn.

"That's the last thing that you should worry about." Nobu taunted a smirk evident on his masked face. "What you do need to know that you should go back to your homes. I'll stay there if I were you. Who knows what will come up missing?"

Keine warned the minions. "So you're up to an incident, correct? I wouldn't be so confident if I were you." They found her warning quite funny somehow.

The ninja duo laughed and vanished after they deployed a pair of smoke bombs. It was the classic ninja getaway. Or was it cliché?

And, of course, the ladies on the roof were left in severe fits of coughing. "Wow!" Akyuu managed between coughs. "It's just like… what… the books say!"

Moukou's body erupted in flames as she hacked. "Damn! Stereotypical ninja!"

Meira and Kotohime were using their billowy sleeves to snuff away the smoke. "That's – kuh! Usually how… hah – they get away from…" Meira strained, doubling over in irritation. "…their pursuers…"

"They had some of our clothes with them," Keine coughed. "Plus he hinted about burglarizing our homes."

"I know," Kotohime replied, relieved of her coughs. "I've been investigating this already. There have been a few reports about villagers missing their stuff lately."

"Then it must be those bastards then," said Moukou. "Someone's always starting shit in Gensokyou."

Meira nodded. "That's one way of putting it. And I have a feeling that this is just the beginning."

"Now let's recover the clothes that they've left behind," said Keine. "They're such a disrespectful duo! They may be laughing now but they will definitely cry later."

YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – The Following Morning

A lone figure stood near a glistening waterfall, waiting. The figure was male and he was clothed in a silver-colored ninja dogi. Even though he was a shinobi, he didn't bother to wear a mask. Of course, he wasn't the only questionable candidate for being a ninja. That topic has to wait for another time.

With a bored expression, he picked up a pebble and tossed it into the pond before him. The rock skipped along the water's surface before sinking in the currents of the waterfall. He flipped his long white hair before he turned on his heels and spoke. "So… how goes the mission?"

A group of black-clad agents suddenly appeared behind him. They were all bowing before him as though he was nobility. "We left our target's home in shambles, but we were unable to find her." One of them responded.

The white haired leader narrowed his eyes. Oddly enough, he was a pretty boy but he wasn't in the least bit effeminate. "Tch. So she isn't home right now. No matter. Whether she lives or dies has no consequence for us at this time. I trust that all of you done a good job in trashing the dojo?"

"Of course," another ninja replied.

"Excellent. That will put her on alert and once she returns she'll know that she cannot afford to be comfortable." The white haired despot explained. "This should make things a lot more interesting."

"Chiba-dono," a specific ninja called out, stepping forward with a container full of dresses and undergarments.

The leader's golden eyes brightened. "Well I'll be darn!" He pulled out a frilly pair of pink panties. "For a hermit, she definitely has good tastes in underwear. This should make us a nice profit once we meet that sagely woman again."

"Hey, look what I've looted," another specific ninja said. It was the huge one from the night before. "It looks old, but it must be an antique or something."

The man named Chiba stared at the item in the big man's hands. "Uh… it's a… donation box - A donation box with no money in it."

The first ninja suddenly seemed alarmed. "Wait… where did you get that donation box from, Toru?"

"Oh, I got it from the shrine near the village this morning." Toru replied. "Why'd you asked, Nobu?"

A dark cloud suddenly hovered over Nobu. Everyone present could have sworn that he was staring death in the face. "Oh shit…"

Chiba's curiosity was piqued. "What is it?"

"Oh… shit!" Nobu repeated with more emphasis.

"I forgot that you're from this land." Chiba reminisced. "You know something about that donation box, don't you? Is it cursed or something?"

Nobu was trembling now. "We have to return that box… immediately."

"You silly human," Chiba scoffed. "You and your superstitious fears… make me wonder why Master allows humans to join us in the first place."

"Hey Nobu, are you okay?" Toru patted his partner's shoulder in concern.

"No! I'm not okay!" Nobu cried, cursing his partner's naivety. "Because of you, we're all going to die! Once that miko finds out that her donation box has been stolen we got hell to pay!"

"A ninja must always be prepared for the worst case scenario," Chiba said coolly as he unsheathed his ninjato. He turned around and slashed at air, which in turn made a scar in the pond before him. "Even if he is facing his own demise, he must stand fearless."

"I was afraid that you would say that," Nobu dreaded. He hoped that Reimu Hakurei will never suspect them of stealing one of her most prized possessions. "I assure you, our demise may very well be on its way."

HAKUREI SHRINE

Kasen ambled up the stairs that lead to the (not so) infamous Hakurei Shrine. The shrine was the abode of Gensokyou's unsung champion. It was a shrine that served as a place of comfort for Hakurei lineage for generations. Naturally, it was a revered locale and any troublemaker would be wise not to go near the place. The Hakurei Shrine was an ancient structure. It was built long before even the boundary of Gensokyou was created. The old and shabby shrine has stood the test of time (along with incidents in which it was destroyed by a certain mischievous Celestial and a seventeen year old girl).

Kasen passed the tori and greeted the heroine. "Good morning, Reimu. It's such a nice… day?"

The hermit was surprised to see Reimu sobbing on the veranda. Marisa and Sanae were present, trying their best to comfort her. The Hakurei priestess momentarily lifted her face from her palms when she felt Kasen's presence. Poor Reimu's eyes were red from crying. The hermit was confused. The shrine was not destroyed, let alone slightly damaged. Something wasn't adding up. "Reimu, what's wrong?" Kasen wondered as she approached the girls. "Why are you crying?"

"Uh~huuuuuu," was the miko's pitiful reply.

Judging from Reimu's moan the hermit assumed that something terrible happened. But she cannot tell what it was. "I have a bad feeling about this."

Marisa handed her friend a handkerchief and regarded Kasen. "You can say that again."

Sanae pulled the older girl into a comforting embrace. "Reimu-san has been robbed. Someone has stolen her donation box."

"What?" The youngish senin gasped. "This IS bad news. Who would do such a thing?"

"Auu~huhuhuuuuu!" Reimu sobbed.

Kasen lightly patted the crying girl's head. "It's okay Reimu. I'm sure whoever committed the crime will not get away with this."

Marisa crossed her arms behind her head. "Yea. Whoever stole the box best get to praying to his or her deity. Reimu's already swearing vengeance on the culprit." She held Reimu's shoulders as she sniffed. "That's it. Let it all outta your system, Reimu. Pain is only weakness leaving the body."

"That's true," agreed Kasen. She was a little surprised that the witch said something like that. What the young witch just said was something you would expect to hear from someone twice her age. "Anyways, why would anyone want to commit a crime on holy grounds? That isn't right at all."

Sanae rocked Reimu like a mother would her child. "The better question is who would want to steal from the shrine in the first place? Even Kanako-sama is disgusted by this."

"It looks like we're too late," said a voice.

"This isn't good. To think that they even robbed the Hakurei Shrine," said another.

Kasen gazed at the source of the voices as they approached. One of them was the redhead royal police officer from the village. Kotohime was curvy, but she wasn't necessarily voluptuous. The second stranger was a violet haired woman whose name that Kasen couldn't quite remember. Even though her voice was softer than Kotohime's, Meira was the more masculine woman. The samurai-ko's stern expression met Kasen's own curious one. "So I take it that you know who's behind this?"

Kotohime nodded, handing the hermit the latest issue of the Bunbunmaru. "Yes we do. We ran into two of them last night. They've been stealing from all over the place."

Kasen was surprised by the headline. "Ninja Invasion of Gensokyou," she read. Not only that, but the article was supplied by a pretty good photo of a small group of ninja leaping on rooftops. For once she commends Aya's work. "I don't suppose that this is the same mysterious sect that lives in the Forest of the Lost?"

"No, I'm afraid not." Kotohime replied as she crossed her arms. "One of them even said that they aren't from Gensokyou."

"Huh?" Sanae was curious. "Ninjas exist in Gensokyou?"

"Yes they do," the Maniacal Princess answered. "But they're not well-known among the citizens of this fair land." The other girls (except Reimu) gave her blank stares. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Meira scratched her head, thinking I sure know how to pick my friends.

"Oh… kay," Marisa spoke after an awkward silence. "At least we know who we're dealing with. Looks like I'm gonna hafta spark a couple ninjas and get Reimu's box back." She gathered her broom from the porch. "Just gimme an hour or two and I'll resolve this and bring back the missing stuff."

"What a minute, Marisa." Kasen halted. "Ninja are not to be underestimated. There's no telling on how many that we're dealing with."

"Besides," Kotohime added, eying the young witch suspiciously. "I suspect that you know something about this, Marisa Kirisame."

"Oh please!" Marisa scoffed. "Why would I associate myself with such creeps in the first place? What, you're gonna bust me for thinking that I'm a part of the sect?"

The redhead leveled a glare at the witch. "With the way you're acting then I'm going to have to say that I do believe that you're associated with them."

"I know that it's not something new but you're crazy." Marisa admonished.

The redhead officer's lips curved into a smirk. "It's nice to know that I'm not the only one."

"Pfft!" Marisa sat on her broom and hovered off the ground. "Listen, Your Majesty, I'm no fool. I'm not nearly as easy to pop as my mom. It's her fault for getting incarcerated by a quack like you, anyway. She was a fool for having drug paraphernalia and I'm thankful that I didn't inherit that flaw from her."

Kasen nodded her head sadly. She didn't know that the witch was from a dysfunctional home. "Marisa, don't talk about your mother. No matter what mistakes she did you should always honor her."

"Whatever." Marisa remarked before speaking to Kotohime again. "Look, I might end up as a prisoner of yours someday but I assure you that I won't be your bitch."

"I hope not," Kotohime remarked. "I wouldn't want to hear you complaining everyday anyway."

Marisa sucked her teeth in annoyance. "Tch! Whatever…" she muttered before taking off from the shrine.

After Marisa dismissed herself, Meira gazed at the officer in curiosity. "Bad blood?"

"She got it from her mom," came Kotohime's reply. She reminisced a time when she arrested a woman that was nearly old enough to be her mother a few years ago. She was a rookie back then but she'll never forget that day when apprehended that crazy shroom dealer.

"Why me?" Reimu sniffed. "This isn't fair!"

Meira noticed Reimu and was surprised to see her crying. "R-Reimu-san?"

Reimu's teary eyes widened at the sight of the samurai-ko. She didn't want the 'cute guy' that she used to have a crush on to see her in an extreme moment of weakness. "Don't look at me!"

"You're… crying." Meira stammered. She still couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"Duh!" Reimu managed a harsh reply. "You would be too if one of your most precious belongings has been stolen!" She covered her face with her palms again. "Uuuuh-huu-huu-huuuu…"

"Poor Reimu…" Kasen nodded. She saw a calico cat that was resting in a tree near the shrine's well. She focused on the feline's spirit, trying to figure out whether that it was ordinary or not. She was satisfied that she didn't sense any youki from it.

"You're stronger than this," Meira said suddenly. "You're the Maiden of Paradise and yet – here you are, sobbing like a child! I cannot believe this!"

Oddly, Kotohime was the first to respond to the samurai-ko's sudden anger. "Meira… you're being harsh."

"Yea," Sanae stood on her feet, not liking the vibes from the stern visitor. "Why are you being mean to Reimu-san all of a sudden?"

"Silence!" Meira gestured harshly. "You don't have any idea of what this means to me! This is not the Reimu that bested me years ago. To think that I was defeat by an opponent as weak-hearted as her is an affront on my honor!"

Reimu raised her tear stained face again, her lips trembling.

"Your making her feel worse." Kotohime chided.

"If that's the case, very well then," Meira continued as she clenched her fist. "My, have the mighty have fallen!"

"B-but my donation box has been stolen! It is far more important than your honor right now!" Reimu retorted with a sob.

"You're such a joke right now," accused the angry swordswoman. "You're so much of a joke right now that it hurts even me. Seeing how you're behaving right now I can only see this as a waste of our time." She faced Kotohime. "Can we leave already? Maybe we can find a better lead somewhere else."

"Enough! Curb your anger, warrior." Kasen combated. "Surely, wasting time is a big problem in the world we live in today. But it does not mean that we necessarily have to know what the goal is for every move we take. You're a woman of the sword. You're wiser than this. We must research and strategize before we take any sort of action. The ninja is a very dangerous and unpredictable adversary. They are so dangerous that facing one unprepared is a fool's errand."

Meira slowly turned to face Ibaraki. "You lecture me hermit but your words fall on ears that aren't paying heed to them." Her anger was now directed at Kasen. "I apologize for my rudeness but my pride has suffered a blow today."

"Vanity is a sin, friend. You can't allow it to consume you - especially at a time like this." Kasen preached. "I understand that you're surprised to see the one that once defeated you is in a state of weakness right now. But you must understand that Reimu's only human. Even she experiences feelings such as fear, anxiety, and sadness. It is because of her emotions that she's a revered priestess and a great warrior."

Kotohime scratched her head, speechless.

Meira frowned. "Emotions, huh? Guess what, wise hermit? I am positively furious right now! Anger is the only emotion I'm feeling after seeing the great heroine of Gensokyou crying like a child."

"Are you telling me that you no longer respect Reimu?" Kasen prompted. "You lost your respect for her because she's sad right now?"

Meira hesitated. "Reimu-san… still has my respect… but, I never expected her to be so… weak."

Reimu stared at Meira with an unreadable expression. Deep down, she really wanted to change Meira's opinion about her right about now. But she decided not to do so, despite herself. She'll deal with the samurai-ko some other time.

"Something precious to her has been taken from her, swordswoman. Of course she's going to feel sadness and anger. But make no mistake, Reimu's not weak for letting herself cry. In fact, she's growing stronger from this experience. After all, pain is weakness leaving the body."

"That's right." Kotohime nodded. "What's gotten into you, Meira-tan? Whatever you have going on with her I think you should put your differences aside for now until we resolve this incident."

"That's exactly what Marisa said just now." Sanae giggled, regarding the pain comment.

Reimu sniffed and wiped her tears with her sleeves. "I won't forgive them. They will learn not to dishonor the shrine for what they have done."

"No Reimu. What have I told you about forgiveness?" Kasen discoursed. "If you cannot forgive them then you will be no better than they are in the long run."

The hermit's words made sense but Reimu wasn't having any of it. "I don't want to hear that forgiveness mumbo-jumbo right now! Can I just cry in peace and plot a way to make these strangers suffer as much as possible?"

"I see," Kasen shrugged. "I see that you too aren't in your right state of mind right now." Reimu hung her head and sniffed, contemplating zapping the hermit with a spell card for her bluntness. "Very well, Reimu. Allow yourself to cool down for a while. Perhaps I can give the good officer a helping hand in resolving this mystery."

Kotohime gaped. "Wait a minute? You will?"

"I don't see why not," Kasen replied. "It is my duty to help those that are in need, after all."

Fortunately for Ibaraki, the princess wasn't the type of person that'll turn down a helping hand. "Oh you just don't know how glad I am to hear you say that. Hardly anybody in the village would want to get involved in the incident. People are scared. They only people that are trying to do something about it are me, Meira, Keine, and Akyuu. We can use the extra help."

The hermit commended their courage. If anything, the young chronicler may be the best person to seek council with right now. If there's anyone in the entire land of Gensokyou that knew anything about ninjas, it would be Akyuu. "I think that I should pay Miss Akyuu a visit for leads. Would right now be a good time to stop by the Hieda residence?"

"Yea, I think you should," Kotohime replied. Meira suddenly walked away, her expression indifferent. "I'm willing to bet right now that the little cutie is going through several old dusty books over the history of ninja."

"Hey," Sanae wondered, noticing the obviously upset samurai-ko's pace. "Is she going to be okay? I know something's bothering here but she is trying her best to hide it. It's like all those times when Suwako-sama taunted Kanako-sama about changing her diapers when she was a child."

Kotohime pivoted on her heels and realized the Meira was nearly at the bottom of the shrine's stairs. "Hey, she'll manage. Believe it or not, Meira can get very emotional at times."

Reimu momentarily raised her head. "Tell me about it…"

"It happens. Sometimes it is good for your emotions to be a guiding aspect of your life," said Kasen. "The hard part is not allowing your emotions to overtake you which in turn make you lose sight of everything. I do believe that Meira may know that better than anyone."

"Whatever you say," Reimu sniffed. "It is what it is, Auntie Kasen."

The lovely hermit blushed, her cheeks as bright as her rose tabard. "Hey! Was that quip really necessary, Reimu?"

Kotohime giggled. "Hmm… Aunt Kasen. That actually has a nice ring to it."

Kasen's entire being became rigid. "What, you're labeling me too? That isn't very nice."

"I hate to break it to you…" Sanae scratched her jugular with a skunk-eyed expression. "For a moment there you sounded just like Suwako-sama. She has the habit of preaching people, too. Even Yukari-san caught a mouthful from her."

"Ooh~!" Kasen pouted, blowing her cheeks out like a cute puffer fish. "You guys are impossible!"

THE HUMAN VILLAGE

"It would appear that a dark cloud is hovering over the village today," Kasen said metaphorically. Judging by the expressions of some of the villagers, they knew that they weren't safe. It was either that or quite of few of their abodes has been burglarized already. From what the hermit has gathered from the victims it became apparent that the sect was stealing antiques and… women's underwear. Consternation gathered on the hermit's expression about the latter. Reimu was probably a commando today. "I can't blame them, though. Everyone's on edge."

"Yea, we have a real nasty situation on our hands," Kotohime commented as she approached a fruit stand. "And I have a bad feeling that this situation is about to get a tad nastier." A bald headed man stepped forth as Kotohime browsed for a natural snack. The seller was in his early forties and he looked every single day of his four decades. He and Kasen may very well share the same birth year – with the hermit being his senior by a month or two. "Say, do you have anymore of those gold apples? Those tasty things always seem to work wonders for my muse when I'm investigating."

"Sorry," the fruit merchant said with an accent that indicates that he may have come from the continent. "I'm all out of those. I got robbed by a bunch of scumbags last night while I was closing the shop."

"Oh, damn it all. What a ruthless bunch we're dealing with!" Kotohime swore, her small hands becoming large fists. "They're not making it easy for us, aren't they?"

The shopkeeper nodded his hand. "I'm afraid not. I pray that they will be brought to justice soon." A mongoose appeared near a basket of persimmons and hopped on Kasen's shoulder. Both Kotohime and the shopkeeper noticed this. "Oh. That's odd. Gigi usually doesn't play with strangers. I guess it is something he likes about you."

Kasen patted the snake-killing creature on its head. "I guess I have that effect on animals."

"I'll say," the shopkeeper remarked, impressed. "I had him around for almost twenty years. I've seen him kill pests from Bombay and a majority of Laos but I have never seen him being so openly friendly with someone he never met before."

Kotohime shrugged. "Maybe it's the fact that her hair makes you think of peaches?" The shopkeeper laughed along with her quip. "The little guy is probably planning to nibble on your hair, Kasen."

"Oh stop," Kasen giggled. "You're one to talk. The color of your hair and clothes are as vibrant as this shop's produce."

The younger, taller woman smacked her lips. "Touché…" she said, looking at a red apple.

"However…" Kasen suddenly looked troubled. "It seems that this little guy has encountered one of the burglars last night." She removed her hand from the mongoose and revealed to the police officer and Indo-Chinese merchant a bit of dried blood on it.

"Gigi!" The merchant said with worry and held out his hands for his longtime pet to jump into. "You were fighting last night, weren't you? I hope you bit the fool that attacked you."

"If someone soon comes up with a case of rabies then we'll definitely know who raided your shop, mister." Kotohime joked. "Then that'll be our first big lead."

"Hey, watch what it now," the shopkeeper laughed. "You know I take good care of my friend. But if someone does complain about being bitten by a mongoose then I guess you will have your lead."

"Yes, it would be the bit of silver linings that beam from the dark clouds." Kasen agreed in her odd little theoretical way.

"Good luck, friends." The merchant encouraged. "Bring the culprits to justice!"

Stars suddenly littered Kotohime's eyes. "Oh my gosh! Someone's rooting for me to resolve an incident for once! Do you know how much this means to me?" She smiled enthusiastically and clenched her surprisingly large fists. "I get to be the heroine of Gensokyou this time around. Humph!"

Kasen shrugged, giggling with the obnoxious princess. "You're pretty confident, Kotohime. But be wary that a great responsibility is now resting on your shoulders."

"And you're going to be my sidekick!" Kotohime declared, pointing her finger at the shorter woman.

The peach-haired hermit laughed sheepishly. "I was afraid that you would say that."

"So, you're telling me that the moment that you returned home last night you noticed that your granddad's clock was missing," said a familiar voice. "I have to hand it to em, these guys are good. Ze!" Kasen and Kotohime spotted Marisa a few yards away from where they were. She was conversing with a citizen.

"Yes," the mid-teen village girl said. "My poor grandfather was having a couple of ducks about it, too. That clock has been in our family for generations. And to think that something so valuable gets stolen all of a sudden like that obviously shows that these guys don't care for anything. "

"You're telling me," Marisa replied. "I bet these crooks can steal your drawers while you're wearing em."

"That…" the youth looked away with a deep blush while scratching her head. "That actually happened."

"Suffering Shanghai!" Marisa gasped.

"Oi~!" Kotohime called out, gathering their attention.

Marisa noticed Kasen was heading her way but frowned when she noticed the Maniacal Princess walking along with her. "Tch!"

"It's mutual," Kotohime remarked. "Anyways, do you have any leads?"

Marisa narrowed her eyes. "What made you think that I'm going to help you out?"

"I didn't."

"So why are you asking me about any leads then?" Marisa's tone was nasty.

The village girl back away from the witch nervously. The way how Marisa was glaring at Kotohime would give anyone the impression that they were going to start fighting any moment now. One would expect them to confront each other via fisticuffs. "Uh… I have to go now."

"Okay. Have a blessed day, young lady," Kasen curtsied as the girl quickly went away about her business. Sighing, the pretty hermit rounded a disapproving face on the mean-mugging duo. "That's very mature of you two. Look what you've done." She chided, pointing to the girl as she scurried away.

"Well, you coulda told Supercop here not to come my way then," Marisa snapped.

"I'm a cop," defended Kotohime. "What did you expect?"

"A cup of days old coffee and a box of stale donuts," the witch snipped.

Kotohime seemed offended. Her eyes were wide. "You… asshole!"

"Takes one to know one, you scatterbrained idiot," Marisa parried.

The elegant peacekeeper sank to her adversary's level. "I hope you become an ugly green-skinned, wart-faced hag by the time you're forty! You'll have an autistic black cat as your best friend and ride around Gensokyou while frightening kids on a broom!"

"I know you are but what am I!" Marisa ranted.

"An asshole!"

Kasen rolled her eyes.

"I know you are but what am I!"

"A menace to society!"

Kasen sighed.

"I know you are but what am I!"

"A despicable little bitch!"

"Watch yourself, copper!" Marisa warned. "I know damn well that you didn't drop the B-Bomb on me just now."

"Guys, stop it already!" Kasen suddenly shouted. "You two are making a commotion with your bickering! This is not the time to be acting like delinquents."

"She started it!" Kotohime and Marisa chorused simultaneously, pointing at one another.

Kasen planted her hands on her hips. "Regardless, it still doesn't justify your behavior right now."

Marisa suddenly found her feet interesting. "Sorry…"

"Yea, you're right, Kasen…" Kotohime absentmindedly twiddled with a lock of her hair. She did this to prevent herself from hitting Marisa up-side her head. "Well, I guess I should go on ahead to see what Meira's up too. I hope that she still isn't pissed off about… the Hakurei thing." She waved Kasen and Marisa a farewell and ambled off to find her distraught friend. "I'll catch you later."

As the royal officer disappeared into a crowd of civilians, Marisa sucked on her teeth. "Tch. Good riddance - There's no way in hell that I'm working with her."

Kasen sighed once again. "Come with me," she beckoned.

"Where are we going?" Marisa wondered.

"We're going to give Akyuu a visit."

ELSEWHERE

A lone figure wandered deep in a (currently) mysterious forest. The stranger was obviously male due to the broad shoulders and large biceps. He was lean in stature, but chiseled. This man was not too far off from being two hundred pounds – a light heavyweight. The muscular fellow was pacing around the area as if he was expecting someone. The overly bored expression on his face indicates that. With a yawn he was about to call it a day… until he noticed something glinting from high up in a tree.

He moved his head to the left as a shuriken whizzed by.

"Oh man…" he droned. His voice was husky with boredom. "You want to goof around at a time like this?"

Two more shuriken shot towards him. He pivoted slightly to his right to evade them. "Now I'm getting sleepy."

As if insulted by his words, the tree shot a barrage of shuriken this time. The man sighed and brandished his weapon: a kusarigama – a sickle chain. He deflected the deadly projectiles by swinging the chain end of his weapon. "Well… at least you're tryin', dude."

"Yea, if you say so," the voice in the tree remarked. "I'm going to catch you with your guard down one day, Sano. And on that day, I'm gonna lop off that funky hairstyle of yours."

The man now known as Sano grunted. "Hey man, what did I told you about rippin' on the do?" He indicated to his salt-and-pepper colored pompadour favored by the yakuza. "Now get your ass from up there and tell me what's good, Hsiao."

The white-haired man hopped down from his hiding spot in the tree. He approached his slightly taller partner with his report. "Things are going pretty well, man. We've managed to loot enough stuff to last a couple of human lifetimes. I bet that the underwear we got from the young women can grant us a fortune alone."

Yasunori Sano grunted. "Ugh… I'm all for robbing, intel, and killing but I still have to wonder about looting women's underwear. That youkai sage did promised us that we can make some serious dough off of them in the auctions. Talk about trickin-off to the max… It's just a bunch of old human males buying panties for a pretty yen."

Hsiao Chiba lifted a brow. "And you're complaining because…"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for an easy buck but snatching panties for a livelihood?" Sano didn't relent. "That's crazy, dude. It's bad enough that I can't stand loli, either. And this world is full of them." He crossed his arms and spat on the ground. "Well at least that Yakumo chick ain't bad. She's quite a looker to be honest. And she's a pretty good businesswoman, too."

"Yep," Hsiao nodded. "And thanks to her, we're having a major payday soon. The more skivvies of young women we loot, the fatter out pockets are going to be."

Bear in mind that the manly ninja hates lolis. "You damned lolicon."

Chiba grinned, telegraphing his pearly teeth. "You'll grow to love em one day, Sano."

The pretty boy, on the other hand, is a raging lolicon.

"Pfft! You can have em, man." Sano remarked. "As for me, you know how I like my women: ACTUAL women! Gimme a mature young woman or a MILF and I'm a happy man. If only for a while…"

Hsiao and Sano were related but they contrasted one another greatly. Both of them were lean and muscular, with Hsiao having sinewy masculinity and Sano bearing a more structured and powerful body. Hsiao wore his silver ninja dogi traditionally and Sano wearing his dogi slightly modified. The gruff Sano's gi was sleeveless and black in color and he didn't wear an obi around his waist. He does wear a red ninja scarf, though. Hsiao was the pretty boy of the duo. Sano commands a tough, masculine grace with a brutish yet handsome face. He has a scar across his face. It goes from the tip of his left eyelash, across the bridge of his nose, to his jugular.

He… may be a Stu.

"Speaking of mature women," Sano cocked his head to the side. "Were you able to find the hermit?"

Hsiao shrugged. "Nope, she wasn't at home when we raided it. Maybe she's out to get some groceries or something?"

"Let me guess, you guys stole her underwear too, right?"

"Friggin' A, dude!" Hsiao laughed. "She had a nice collection of small V-shaped panties. They're gonna sell well on the market."

Sano rolled his eyes, leaning lazily against a tree. "Rrright…"

"So do you think I should head back to the hermit's dojo in order to take care of her?" Hsiao prompted.

"Nah… I've sent Chie to do the job." Sano answered lamely, digging in his left ear. "She was getting restless anyway. You know how she gets sometimes, man."

"Heh… all mutts are restless," Hsiao commented. "I hope she has a little fun in dealing with the hermit, too. I don't wanna hear her complaining about being bored later."

"You don't have to call her a mutt, man." Sano chided. "She didn't choose to be the way that she is."

"Yea… so what is Sensei up to now? Is she still negotiating with Yakumo?"

"Yep, that's pretty much what she's been up to lately," Sano replied. "And get this: she likes it here so much that she decided that we're going to live here from now on."

Hsiao liked the sound of that. "She made a good business decision."

"Welcome to Gensokyou…"

THE HIEDA HOUSEHOLD

Kasen was a little surprised to discover Akyuu's abode to be in a fine mess. With the recent break-ins by ninja thieves throughout Gensokyou, she shouldn't be. "Oh dear…"

"Dang!" Marisa whistled at the scene of the crime inside Akyuu's home. "Those guys really did a number on your crib, ze. Talk about leaving no stones unturned."

"Yes, it was pretty unfortunate that my home fell victim to their mishaps," Akyuu sighed, struggling with a number of her written records. "Fortunately, I still have my life... and records."

Kasen picked up a small goldfish from the floor and put it in a cup filled with water. "You're blessed, little one. Today's not your day to die..."

"I see that those ninja guys lack dignity," Marisa commented as she upturned Akyuu's desk. "Leaving a goldfish to die is a low blow, ze!"

"Quite." Akyuu agreed.

"It's rather strange if you ask me. From the looks of it, the ninja we're dealing with aren't subtle at all," Kasen remarked thoughtfully. "From what I know about the shinobi, they wouldn't leave such messy clues. Let alone leaving a mess that announces 'We robbed you'. Something's not right about any of this..."

Marisa suddenly owned a toothy grin. "I'll say, the next thing ya know there are going to be a bunch of em wearing loud-colored jumpsuits hopping around the rooftops while highly visible. Believe it, ze!"

Akyuu face-palmed. "Marisa..."

"Anyway, it seems that hard times are all over the place." Kasen commented. "Even Reimu's shrine was robbed. They managed to steal her donation box last night."

Pure disbelief etched on the chronicler's expressions. "Are you serious! They really stole Reimu's donation box?"

Kasen nodded. "Sobbed like a newborn child..."

Akyuu saw fit that she should pray for the Hakurei miko's newfound enemies. "My... how suicidal of them."

"Tell me about it," deadpanned Marisa.

"Hieda-san..." came a young girl's voice.

The chronicler looked over towards the direction of the voice and saw a mid-teen girl and a pubescent boy - siblings. "Oh, Megumi... what brings you two here?"

The brunette villager nodded her head. "I heard the bad news earlier this morning. It looks like they raided your home, too."

"You're right. Hopefully we will get to the bottom of this soon." Akyuu reassured. "The Shinobi clan that lives in the Lost Forest are not behind any of the invasions. They wouldn't do such heinous things. Maybe there's another clan of ninja that we don't know of that lives here yet."

"Wait..." Megumi seemed surprised about the revelation. "There's a ninja clan here in Gensokyou?"

"Why yes, the clan has been here for centuries as a matter of fact." Akyuu supplied. "It's a very little known fact, too. Once upon a time, it is believed that the males courted the females of the Hakurei lineage. It's sketchy, but I have written down accounts about it."

"Color me surprised," Megumi admitted.

"Indeed they are true ninja," said Kasen with a sagely nod. "Their entire lives are enshrouded in shadow... unlike the ones that we're dealing with. I'm not certain if we could call them ninja."

"Candy girl," Megumi's little brother suddenly said, eying Kasen.

Kasen was surprised to hear that from a seemingly innocent boy. "Excuse me?"

The boy leered. "Candy girl," he repeated. "That means you're really pretty - Sexy." He could not keep his eyes off of Kasen.

Megumi was appalled by her brother's manners. "Junichi!"

"That's no way to talk to a lady, little one." Akyuu chided with a bead of sweat over her head. "And what do you know about the word... sexy? I'm afraid that you're a little too young to know something of that nature."

Megumi bowed to Kasen. "Please forgive him, Miss Ibaraki. He's been hanging around the other boys a little too much lately. He's been picking up a lot of negative things from them."

"I guess... he still has a lot of growing up to do." Kasen replied and gazed Junichi in the eyes. "Young man, with your mischievous mannerism towards the fairer gender, just how do you expect to win the heart of a lovely girl during your upcoming teen years and beyond?"

"That's easy," the eleven year-old grinned. "I'll just say that she has a nice pair and a cute smile. Problem solved."

The hermit gasped at the child's boldness. Kids today grow up so fast!

"Junichi, that's enough!" Megumi hollered.

"Kids..." Akyuu sighed. Taste the irony.

"Yea..." Marisa was blushing fiercely. "Lemme get outta here before that little guy makes a shotacon outta me." She took off her hat and fanned her face with it. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

Akyuu, Kasen, and Megumi gave the witch collective stares. Yep. The witch found the child's pseudo-courtship fascinating somehow. Damn shotacon.

"Good afternoon, ladies," a dulcet voice sang. "Am I interrupting anything?"

Everyone saw the lithe woman at the broken entrance of the Heida household. "Yo! Sakuya!" Marisa greeted. "Kinda odd to see you out this time of day, ze. What's up?"

"Hmm..." the beautiful maid picked up a domestic cat that was circling her legs. She cradled it in her arms while softly stroking its fur (like a Bond villain). "It seems that Milady's abode wasn't the only place that fell victim recently. It became more apparent when I entered the village just now."

"Yea," said Marisa. "It's just a regular ole ninja crime spree going on. That's all."

"But I have to wonder, just how did they managed to steal from the Scarlet Devil Manor?" Kasen issued. "I mean these events are happening during the night. They couldn't have gotten away without Remilia noticing anything. She is nocturnal, after all."

Sakuya placed the white longhair cat back on the ground and sheepishly scratched her nose. "They came prepared."

Marisa whistled. "Wow, they were prepared enough to even deal with the Queen of the Night?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Sakuya replied, somewhat ashamed. "They had enough vampire wards to deal with an army."

"And where were you last night?" Marisa pressed.

"I was out training with Youmu," Sakuya answered honestly. "I was granted a brief vacation so I've decided to go out and exercise for a while. I must keep myself in shape, you know."

"Sheesh. No wonder the mansion was robbed." Marisa shrugged. She suddenly felt something cold on her jugular. "Gulp!"

"Marisa…" Sakuya issued a mild warning within a sweet voice. She was instantly behind the witch with a knife to the jugular. "Another snide remark like that and I promise you that you will feel a lot more than the cool edge of this blade."

Marisa's face soaked with sweat. "I'll be good, Sakuya. I'll be good!"

"Hmm…" Kasen folded her arms with a contemplative expression. "With the success rate these strangers are having with these crimes, you would think that they're being guided and well-informed already." She glanced at Sakuya. "Someone must have told them that a vampire lives in Gensokyou. That's why they were able to contend with Remilia. It's either that or they would have struck the Scarlet Devil Manor during the daytime."

Akyuu surveyed the hermit's words carefully. "So you're saying that this clan already has connections here in Gensokyou?"

"Exactly," Kasen affirmed.

Sakuya was catching on to this. "Apparently, someone is being the eyes and ears of the people that we're dealing with."

"Uh-oh," Marisa grinned. "Sounds like someone we know, ze."

What the witch just said put Kasen in a state of alarm. "If that's the case then I must make haste back to my dojo. For all we know those culprits may be on their way there while it's completely unguarded." She pivoted on her heels and quickly made her way out the house. "Forgive me for the sudden departure but I must be on my way now! I'll see you later!"

As Kasen left the area, Marisa realized that she should do the same. "Oh crap! I hafta get a move on, too! I'll be damned if I get stuff stolen from me!" She dashed her way out and waved back at the others. "Guess I'll catch you guys later, ze!"

Sakuya nodded her head after Marisa was gone. "She can certainly dish it out but she can't take it. What a weird kleptomaniac!"

YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – KASEN'S DOJO

Kasen returned to her dojo, nodding her head in disgust as she entered the entrance door. The insides of her home were in shambles. The intruders did a real good job of smashing her furniture and interior. It looked like a wind devil hit it... either that or an angry Hina. The beautiful yamabushi remained focused, curbing her anger. The sounds of the nearby waterfall definitely helped her temperament. Unfortunately, there was a big hole in the ceiling and worse, it was now drizzling.

Kasen sighed. She pitied her enemies. She believed in karma... and she hoped that it will bite her new adversaries on their asses. What comes around goes around. There were no signs of her pets. Optimistically, Ibaraki hoped that her animal companions were hanging out with the ancient child at the Moriya shrine. The superannuate child was a mysterious draw to all types of animals, which is odd that she favors frogs more than any other creature. The yamabushi picked a broken china dish from the wet ground. Thin rivulets of rainwater were streaking the floors like stretch marks and there were many broken accessories flowing along the currents of them. Even though she seldom ate, Kasen took immense pride in her collection of articulate china and culinary talents. Today's raid on her home was a personal grudge, it seems.

They will pay. Those imbeciles better hope that whatever god they prayed to best have mercy on their souls. Stealing from young women of the village was one thing but breaking into her abode and destroying her personal belongings was the last straw! This means war!

Kasen took off her shoes and trotted towards a dry spot in the den. She sat down and crossed her legs in a meditative prose. Okay. Remain calm, Ibaraki. They won't get away with this. She closed her eyes and began ruminating about the ninjas' vendetta. What were the connection between her and the burglaries? What does this means? The pink-haired mortal concentrated... ignoring the destruction of the scene and taking in the sounds of the ambiance. The sounds of the waterfall and soft precipitation were soothing to her. She was about to attain Zen once again. She could faintly hear other sounds as well: distant rumbling thunder, croaks of frogs, mewing of cats, chirps of birds, and giggles of a monkey...

Wait.

"Fufufufu~..."

That wasn't a monkey. Kasen frowned. How she wished that it was a mountain monkey! She frowned in annoyance (growling even!).

"Oh dear~..." the dulcet voice came from a kongorikishi statue – frightening structures of ancient fierce faced warriors. "Perhaps I decided to visit you at an inopportune time, old friend?"

Ibaraki's blood boiled. There was only one person on this green Earth that could instantly put her on edge. She swiveled a glare at the statue as her hands clinched into fists. "You're right about one thing – this is a bad time for your company. A horrible time," Kasen cursed. "Second: we are not friends... Seiga Kaku."

"You can tell yourself that all you want, Kasen," the stranger said, emerging from the frightening statue. Seiga Kaku, a legendary beauty from the continent, giggled at the younger hermit's acute animosity. By the beard of Mephistopheles, the devilish jasen was beautiful! Seiga has the face of an angel, the body of a foreign goddess, and the wiles and cunning of a devil. A formidable challenger appears. "But you and I both know... that you never had a friend like me."

Kasen narrowed her brown eyes. "Fiend, what do you want? What devilment are you up to now?"

"Devilment~? I have no idea of what you're talking about," Seiga remarked, approaching her (somewhat) natural enemy. "I simply came here today out of curiosity. What happened, Ibaraki? Why is your place in shambles?"

"A ninja raid," Kasen revealed. "Now dismiss yourself." The shard of a broken cabinet floating in a water puddle sure looked enticing right about now. Kasen wanted to throw it at the jasen so bad! She could hear the joyous sound of Seiga's pained squeal in her mind right now. Without realizing it, Kasen cackled. "Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Fufufufu..."

Seiga gave the yamabushi a flat gaze. "You're daydreaming about me in agony again aren't you?" Fortunately, she wasn't a satori. Otherwise, she would have saw glimpse of her apparent demise in great detail.

"Oh, maliciously!" Kasen grinned.

Seiga sighed. "And they say that I'm the 'evil' one. Satomimi was right; this place isn't bound by common sense at all."

Suddenly, someone dropped from the whole in the ceiling and the entire dojo shook from impact. "Hello! I'm here, Master Seiga!" Miyako exclaimed in an overly dramatic fashion. What was highly peculiar about the jiang-shi was the fact that both her breasts and stomach was bulging in unbelievable proportions.

Kasen gasped. "What in the world is going on with your familiar, Seiga?"

"Oh dear me~..." Seiga approached the zombie woman and slapped her belly. "You've been overeating again, haven't you?"

Miyako (with her torso literally as big as small bed) giggled. "Yep! Don't worry though. Both of them should be fully digested in about another hour. After that, I should be back to my old slender self."

"Both... of them?" Kasen noticed.

"I wonder~..."

Miyako's belly suddenly wobbled like jelly. "Ugh! Oh no you don't! You're not escaping this time!" She somehow bent her stiff arms and punched her belly and Kasen could have sworn she heard a muffled scream. "Quiet! I've eaten both of you fair and square!"

"How peculiar," Seiga giggled.

Movement occurred inside Miyako once again. This time, her chest swelled like a hot-air balloon. "ARGH! This is annoying!"

"What in Moriya's name is going on in there!" Kasen shrieked.

Miyako cursed her food. "No! I won't let you free! You won't AAAHHHHH-" the jiang-shi's prey traveled up her throat and her head swelled in a ridiculous manner. Her maw opened wide like a great dam that was on the verge of breaking. "AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHH!"

"Disgusting!"

"That's it, Miyako-chan~!" Seiga sang, clapping her hands in a gleeful rhythm. "Let it all out, girl! Ooh! Hercules! Hercules!"

"RRRRRUUUUUUUUGHH," with a final horrifying retch, two figures emerged from the belly of the beast. They were covered in saliva, digestive juices, and other unmentionable undead bodily fluids. "Grr! How dare you! You MOTHERFU-"

"Language, Miyako-chan~!"

Kasen instantly recognized the writhing figures on the floor. "Unbelievable! It's Yuyuko-hime and Rumia!"

"Now Miyako, what did I told you about eating strangers?" Seiga chided in a playful tone.

"I'm so sorry about that!" Miyako said, bowing. "But I was sooo hungry!"

"Free at last," Yuyuko gasped, covered in bile and other fluids.

Rumia was sobbing like an infant. "Wah! It was a nightmare!"

"It's okay," Kasen reassured as she knelt before the frightened girls. "There's a hot spring behind my dojo. You can get yourselves cleaned there."

AN HOUR LATER

"Ahh…" Yuyuko cooed as she leaned against the shore of the onsen. "This is nice. This bath is just as neat as those of the Netherworld." The lovely ghost smiled blissfully, her skin glowing a nice shade of pink. "If only Youmu was here."

"Is that so~?" Rumia said, swimming along the surface of the hot springs. Her backstrokes were almost flawless. And she still had her ribbon on her head.

"No doubt about it, little one." Yuyuko said, her luscious breasts floating on the steaming water seductively. "My cute little Youmu loves to take long soaks in quality hot springs. It's a hobby of hers."

"I see," Rumia said, kicking her legs. "She has good tastes then because I like to bathe, too."

Kasen arrived at the shore of the onsen. She was carrying both of Rumia and Yuyuko's clothes. "Here you go," she said, placing their respective clothing near the shore. "They were a hassle to wash but I've managed to get them clean."

"Ara~… thank you very much, Kasen." Yuyuko said, climbing out of the water to sit at the shore. She allowed her feet to soak in the hot waters. "Hmm… I must say, it has been a very eventful day." The phantom wrapped a towel around her body. Well, she tried to wrap it around her. Her cleavage and waist were still visible. "I knew something odd would happen today when I woke up this morning."

Kasen knelt on her haunches, curious about the hidden meaning in Yuyuko's words. "Yuyuko-hime, may I ask what do you mean by today's odd happenstance?"

"Mm…" the regal phantom raised an index finger to her chin cutely. "Oh, a lot of things happened today since breakfast. First off, Youmu's friend came over for a brief visit today. It was that pretty maid from the Scarlet Devil Manor. She talked to Youmu for a few minutes and the next thing I knew, Youmu was making requests to help the maid solve an incident. It's sorta weird if you ask me… are you sure that it is an incident going on right now?"

Kasen surveyed the perpetually carefree princess. Even in death, Yuyuko was the happiest and most content person that Kasen has ever met. There was an old saying that states 'One must suffer in order to achieve honor' and Yuyuko is a testament to the proverb. With her very own death, Yuyuko had managed to gain a level of enlightenment that Kasen cannot even begin to fathom. In a literal sense, Yuyuko was very much a Bodhisattva in the flesh – err, ectoplasm. Kasen found the princess' very being astounding. "I'm afraid so. There's a nasty incident going on even as we speak."

"Is that so~?" Rumia repeated, sputtering water out of her mouth like a fountain.

"My goodness," Yuyuko displayed mild surprise. "I wonder what it could be."

"It's a Ninja Invasion of Gensokyou," Kasen replied, using the title that Aya labeled the incident. "You see, Yuyuko-hime, there's a mysterious sect that is roaming around Gensokyou while stealing from the residences – from antiques… to women's undergarments."

"Oh!" Yuyuko pounded her right fist into her left palm. "So that's why Youmu decided to wear a pair of spats underneath her skirt today. I should have known that she was blushing wildly for some reason!"

"So that means that Youmu is traveling along with Sakuya to solve the incident." Kasen said mostly to herself. "Ninja are quite a nuisance."

Yuyuko blushed. "Heh-heh-he! I've known a few ninja back in the day. They're really friendly once you get to know them, though. Why, there was this one guy – his name was Togakure…"

"I do believe that a historical tale isn't necessary right now," suddenly said Seiga, partially hidden in steam.

"By the way…" Kasen rolled her eyes at the jasen – the jaded hermit. "Who told you that you can bathe here?"

"Oh Kasen, don't be like that!" Seiga giggled with a flippant wave of her hand. "And here I thought that this onsen of yours is open for the public – seeing that you're a hermit and all."

"Remind me to post a sign that forbids you to bathe here." Kasen remarked.

"Ooh, it's like that?" Seiga said airily. "You're going to deny me access to this onsen? That goes against your creed, you know? You're giving hermits a bad name, my dear."

"I already have a bad name for you, fiend." Kasen spat. "It's on the tip of my tongue."

Kaku Seiga expressed mock offense. "How rude of you to say that! I guess I was fooled by your reputation in the Wild & Horned Hermit story. If only the people know the real you, Ibaraki."

The jasen's comment garnered a chorus of "What?"

"What the heck are you talking about, lady?" Rumia wondered.

Seiga blushed and raised her hand to her cheek, giggling. "Oh, silly me~! Please ignore what I said just now. Heh heh heh heh!"

"You're a real comedian, Seiga-sama!" Miyako giggled, (somehow) washing her hair.

"Well, if anything, I'm not laughing." Kasen said dismissively. "Anyways, I should prepare a meal for all of you, except her." She gave Seiga a glare. "I hope those thieves didn't steal any food from the pantry."

Just as the pink-haired hermit was about to dismiss herself, she noticed a gleam high up in a cliff neighboring the hot springs. Gasping in alarm, she dive-tackled Yuyuko into the water. "Watch out!"

"Eeep!" Yuyuko gasped, surprised by Kasen's sudden outburst. A silver object streaked towards the spot where Kasen stood a second ago. It bounced off a stone pillar with a 'ding' sound and lodged into Rumia's back. Yuyuko emerged from underwater in confusion. "What is going on, Kasen? Why did you…" she noticed the object jutting from Rumia's back. "Ooh… you may want to see a doctor about that, Rumia."

"Is that…" Rumia started to say but she suddenly felt extremely lightheaded. "Ugh…" The little darkness youkai passed out into the water, causing bubbles to fizzle on the surface of it.

"Rumia!" Yuyuko cried. She cringed when she saw the youkai's blood pooling from the injury. "Eww!"

Kasen plucked the object from the unconscious youkai. "An assassin's arrow… someone tried to knock one of us off."

"An assassination," Yuyuko eyebrows were checkmarks. "But, I'm already dead."

Rumia moaned again, signaled by the water bubbles fizzing.

"Well now…" Seiga sang while prodding her chin thoughtfully. "It appears that she has been done in again. It happens a lot in these tales, actually. There should be a counter for every time some sort of comic mischief happens to her. Hmm…" The jasen looked off to nowhere in particular and noticed a silhouette of Rumia. Hovering above the silhouette, there were texts that states 'Rumia Owned Count: 4'.

"Ah-ha," Seiga grinned, giving the thumbs-up. "There we go!"

"I'm going after that stranger!" Kasen announced as she flew out of the hot springs. She hovered in the air for a moment to regard Yuyuko. "Hey, take care of Rumia while I'm away, would you."

"Okay," Yuyuko nodded. "How long are you going to be gone?"

"Not too long, I hope." Kasen replied.

Seiga rooted for her rival. "Go get em, tiger! This is your story, after all."

Kasen rolled her eyes. "Ugh… just shut up, Seiga." And with that, she sets off to pursue the assassin.

YOUKAI MOUNTAI – FOREST

Kasen can see the mysterious figure leaping among the tress several yards in front of her. She found it odd that the stranger she was pursuing wasn't flying. Not only that, there was something odd about the stranger. She can sense it. Perishing that thought, the hermit can see the towering pagodas far off in the distance. The village of the tengu was ahead. At this rate, we're heading towards the Tengu Village. That would be troublesome for the both of us because they don't take kindly to people bursting into their neighborhood out of nowhere.

"Oi!" Kasen yelled. "I'll stop if I were you! You're heading into dangerous territory!" A pair of kunai whizzed at her in response. She evaded both of them. "I do believe that you want to do this the hard way."

"I should be the one saying that," a voice replied, female. "Then again, I actually prefer to do things the hard way."

Kasen halted in her pursuit and searched expectantly for the mystery foe. "Is that right? Why not you come out of hiding and face me then?"

A coquettish laugh resounded in the trees. "How cute…"

Kasen was suddenly surrounded by four men. They were clothed in black dogi and masks but the color of their obi were different: blue, orange, violet, and red. These agents were armed with katana, nunchaku, quarterstaff, and a pair of sais (respectively). The four ninja were telegraphing their weapons threateningly in hopes of intimidating the hermit. "An ambush…" Kasen murmured, adopting a combat stance.

"Good luck, hermit." The disembodied voice said in amusement.

"You have my thanks," Kasen replied sarcastically. "Well then, shall we begin?"

Two of the ninja suddenly attacked the hermit from both sides. The one with the quarterstaff and the other with the sais initiated the offensive, intent on inflicting great harm to the hermit. Kasen sidestepped and grabbed the weapon of the purple ninja, disorientating the thrusting force in order to hit the other ninja in the stomach. He dropped his sais as the wind was knocked out of him. While the man with the quarterstaff was stricken by surprise, Kasen didn't waste any time in dispatching him. She drove her left elbow to the assailant's nose, causing him to grunt in pain.

Kasen procured the purple ninja's weapon. "Humph!"

"Ramon, Donnell…" the mystery voice was laced with disappointment. "You guys have been neglecting your training. It shows."

Ramon retrieved his sais and attempted another attack. He made numerous swipes at Kasen's midsection but he wasn't able to land any hits. Frustrated, Ramon swiped both of his blades at Kasen's face. The hermit intercepted his attack by smashing his forearms with the quarterstaff, effectively causing him to lose his weapons again. Kasen then knocked him out by hitting him in the head, leaving a large bump on his head.

Donnell surrendered, frightened by the hermit's fighting prowess. He disappeared in a puff of smoke. "What a letdown!" The kunoichi cursed.

Kasen laughed, despite herself. "It happens…"

"Tch! Leonid, Miguel – take care of her!"

Said men didn't waste any time in attacking Kasen. Leonid nearly landed a slash on Kasen's waist, cutting off a piece of the tabard she wore. Kasen couldn't make a counterattack to Leonid because of Miguel flailing his nunchaku like a lunatic at such a close range. She parried against a blow intended to her head with her staff. Miguel kicked her stomach during the opening, sending her stumbling backwards. These guys are tougher than the last duo. I have to be a little more careful.

"Rrrrgh!" Leonid roared, closing in on Kasen at an angle. She quickly parried against the charging man's blade and used her hip to disorientate him, ensuring space. While Leonid fell to the dirt, Kasen took the opportunity to deal with Miguel. She dodged, blocked, and parried against Miguel's flailing weapon. Judging from his wild movements, she knew that he was on the verge of tiring. Kasen retaliated with a series of staff-jabs, turning the tables on her assailant. Miguel was doing well in evading the hermit's reprisal, but she managed to graze his arms and neck. The hermit could tell that he was growing frustrated by the look on his partially concealed face.

Leonid gathered himself on his feet and charged again. This time he wasn't as focused as before. Kasen heard his battle cry and quickly flip-flopped out of harm's way, causing the swordsman to collide into Miguel. They both fell on the ground and Kasen can hear them groaning in pain. If she wasn't mistaken, the quartet she just dealt with weren't that experienced in combat. So much for them…

"Ugh, genin," the mysterious woman grunted her dissatisfaction. Kasen imagined that her hidden foe was doing a face-palm by now. "They're about as tough as a bunch of puppies! And what's worse, they even have trouble memorizing the Kuji-in!"

Kasen was somewhat familiar with the word genin, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it right now. However, she did comprehend that it may equate to a beginner. The Kuji-in was something that Kasen knew about, though. The hand-signs may be derived from Taoist dualism and some of the sutras may require them from time to time. She discarded her recently acquired bo-staff on the ground. "It was your fault for sending these inexperienced men into battle. Then again, they've learned a valuable lesson today. Experience is one of the best teachers."

"Is that right?" The woman laughed. "Then I guess it's my fault that I allowed one of them to try and shoot you with an arrow. You already saw how that turned out."

Kasen narrowed her eyes. Yuyuko was not the intended target, after all. "So it was me that you were after…"

"Yep! I've purposely lead you out into the open!" The mystery woman leapt from a tree and revealed herself. She was a moderately endowed young woman with pale skin and jet black hair. Her skin was so garish that one would think that she wore makeup (not nearly as exaggerated as a geisha's makeup). The youth looked like a beautiful ghost searching for souls in the meadows before the Tengu Village. "I promise you, if I were the one who was armed with the bow, I wouldn't have missed my target." She gave Leonid and Miguel a harsh glare, making her pretty face even cuter. "Get out of here already. You two performed horribly."

The minions bowed at the kunoichi with utmost respect. "Of course, Tobari-sama."

"ACK!" Tobari gasped. "What did I tell you about saying my surname during missions, you morons! ?"

A gloomy air hovered over the failed duo. "Please forgive us, Chie-sama."

Chie Tobari palmed her face. "Got-damn it! Get the hell outta here already!" After her harsh command, the duo vanished. "Ooh, I cannot believe that I used to be a genin once! I couldn't have been that dumb when I first started out as a kunoichi!"

Kasen giggled at the sheer goofiness of it all.

"Hey, what are you laughing at?" Chie demanded.

"Eh? Oh, it's nothing," Kasen turned her attention away from the youth, snorting. "By the way, you have a cute name. Chie… I like the sound of that. It's simple but it has a nice ring to it."

"Whatever," the ghoul huffed. "You can laugh now, but it's you who is going to be crying later."

"Well said," Kasen said, impressed by her foe's choice of words. They had meaning to them.

"Shut up, it's time for me to deal with you now!" Chie declared, annoyed. She was young – barely a woman, with a moon face and black eyes. Chie may very well be an adult but judging from her looks and temperament, she was a child-woman (a complete opposite of Sanae, actually). Her seniority over the four minions Kasen dealt with indicated that she was an experienced fighter. As Chie approached Kasen realized that the kunoichi was taller than her. She was perhaps Sakuya's height – or taller. "Why are you looking at me like that? You're gay or something?"

Kasen huffed. She was right about her adversary: she was barely a woman. Chie's hair was obviously long, thanks to the three-foot long side-ponytail. She sported a cute ahoge as well. On her upper body she wore a midnight-blue kimono that was so dark that it was almost violet. The sash adorning her waist was wide and her sleeves were billowy – which means that she could be concealing many weapons and tricks on her being. A pair of black biker shorts adorned her long legs (which is most likely silk, not nylon or what-not). Those tights reach to the middle of her thighs and it was fortunate that her short kimono concealed how those threads looked over her pelvic and nether areas. She also sported pair of black calf-high socks and her low-top boots were dark brown. "Detail, details…" Kasen replied mysteriously with a knowing smirk.

The ethereal assassin had pouty lips, too.

"Smartass! That's enough out of you!" Chie hissed, throwing a right at Kasen. The hermit blocked the blow with her left forearm but Chie was articulate in her methods. While the hermit blocked her punch she folded her arm and shifted forward, hitting Kasen with an elbow to the face. Kasen reeled back and attempted a counter with a spear-hand strike to the kunoichi's throat. Chie caught her arm, laughing. "You're slow."

Chie was about to break the hermit's outstretched left arm with her free hand, but she kicked her in the stomach. Kasen followed up with a right hook to Chie's face as she reeled from the kick. She hit the kunoichi so hard that she cause her to spin a little. However, Chie was used to getting hit by such a blow. She transitioned pain to a counter by retaliating with a spinning back kick. Kasen barely dodged the might of the attack but she felt a cut on her cheek. She traced her thumb on her cheek and winced. This one's dangerous.

There was a small blade jutting out from Chie's boot. "Aww, did I make a boo-boo?"

Kasen said nothing. She silently beckoned for Chie to attack her again.

"So it's like that, huh?"

Kasen responded with a quick motion of her bandaged hand and the next thing she knew, Chie felt a pain on her leg. "Oww! What the hell-" her complaint was interrupted by a powerful kick to the chest. Chie fell down on her butt from the force of the kick. While grounded, she noticed a set of small darts on her thigh. She gave Kasen a harsh glare. "You sneaky hag!"

"Come now, it's an eye for an eye," Kasen remarked seriously. "Besides, that shoe-blade didn't exactly tickle either."

"Grr…"

"Back on your feet and guard," Kasen said, taking on an orthodox stance (her dominant limbs leading the stance, as in her right hand and leg). "Don't tell me that you're as inept in combat as your subordinates."

Chie suddenly vanished in smoke.

Kasen expected such a tactic to occur. Ninja were notorious for using deceptive measures in mortal combat. Kasen focused on Chie's (somewhat) odd spirit, pinpointing her. Kasen did a spinning sweep behind her, prompting Chie to appear again. She jumped away from Kasen in shock. "Wait… how did you know that I was behind you?"

"I have my ways," Kasen replied.

"You… definitely don't look like a middle-aged hermit…" Chie wondered. "From what I hear about mountain hermits, I thought that you would be, you know, old and grey."

"Don't push me…" Kasen warned, offended by the implication. "Don't make me hurt you severely."

"I would love to see you try!" The ghoul shouted, engaging Kasen again. She threw punches at Kasen and they were blocked. The hermit threw punches at Chie but she none of them connected. This went on for a while until Kasen grabbed the kunoichi by her long side-ponytail. This development brought tears to Chie's eyes. "Oww! Oww! Now you're fighting dirty!"

"Says the pot to the kettle," Kasen responded, pulling the brat close as she began to slap her repeatedly.

SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK!

"Stop it, already!" Chie cursed in embarrassment, brandishing a hidden dagger.

SWISH!

Luckily for Kasen, she saw the gleam of the blade. She immediately released Chie's hair and hopped away from her. Chie's blade ripped the rose ornament and fabric off of Kasen's blouse, her cleavage partially exposed. It wasn't a big deal to her, though. She decided to wear a sarashi today. Kasen directed her attention back on her opponent, smirking on the job she did to her face. "That's a nice glow you have on your cheeks right now."

"Screw… you…" Chie rebutted, wincing in pain. Pink handprints marked her cheeks and Chie was embarrassed of it. If anything, it was almost as if the hermit scolded her just now. Those various slaps to her face certainly felt like it. And she didn't appreciate the hermit for grabbing her by the hair, either. She went into a stance. "You won't be as lucky again."

Kasen engaged into combat again and attempted a roundhouse kick to Chie's abdomen. Chie blocked the attack and delivered a roundhouse of her own to Kasen's face. The hermit gasped and tumbled on the ground. Chie pursued her and made another kick to her head while she was grounded. She caught the incoming kick with her hands and forced the ninja girl off balance, causing her to fall. Both of them got off the ground and charged at each other.

They next thing they knew, Kasen struck Chie's chin with palm strike and Chie spotted Kasen with a punch to her jaw, a cross-counter.

She has incredible speed… Kasen noted, grunting in pain.

That really hurt! Chie thought furiously. Damn, this lady can fight! No matter, she only made this fight all the more interesting. I'm going to-

WAP!

Chie spiraled in the midair before hitting the ground. She did not see that kick. "Ugh…" she grunted, regaining her bearings. She gathered herself on her haunches and she realized her vision was blurry. There were two hermits.

The two hermits were waiting for her to make another move. "Had enough?" Kasen said with her countenance sharp and dangerous.

"Ngh…" Chie shifted on all fours, shaking her head. Okay… I see where this is going. She wants to up the ante? So be it! She awkwardly got back on her feet, focusing her sight on her opponent. "Lady… if I would have known that you were this tough in the first place, I would have fought you with my full strength from the get-go."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"Nothing, actually," Chie admitted. "I just wanted to give you a false sense of hope and beat you to a pulp afterwards. It looks like I've succeeded in the first part."

"It's best for you to remain focused," Kasen said, tossing another set of darts at Chie.

The darts hit Chie's raised arm but she didn't wince this time (hidden metal gauntlets in her sleeves). "Good advice," she countered, suddenly darting at Kasen with an ultra-fast flying kick.

Kasen gasped and ducked the kunoichi's attack. Chie's kick met a tree and a resounding boom was heard. The tree fell backwards, causing a domino effect with a few more trees. Kasen rose back on her feet and punched Chie in the chest. Of course, Chie winced a bit but she didn't seem to be harmed. She smiled, expecting a look of surprise from her pink haired adversary. "I knew that there was something odd about you." Kasen stated.

"Is that a fact?"

"It is," Kasen nodded. "There is something about your very being that gives me pause. You have a presence that is deemed rare here."

"Hey, you mean this?" Chie delivered a surprise kick to the hermit. Kasen guarded against it at the very last instant, but the force of the kick sent her sailing to a pond nearby. "I'm full of surprises."

Kasen resurfaced, spitting a frog out of her mouth. "Not again… I'm still soaking wet from my little dip in the hot springs."

"That should be the least of your worries," Chie remarked. "I'm not finished with you, yet." She walked over to a large stone that neighbored the pond. The large slab of rock was at least three hundred pounds. She lifted it over her head with ease – as if it were light as a feather.

Kasen's eyes became large blank ovals (her infamous 'clueless' face in the official manga). "Oh dear…"

A victorious grin spread across Chie's face. "What do you have to say now, hermit? You didn't even stand a chance in the first place."

Kasen still had that look on her face. "Y-you're not human!"

"You damn right, I'm not! Fear the might of my youkai blood!" Chie declared, rearing back in order to throw the stone. "HIIIIYAAAAAAAAH!"

The stone rocketed towards Kasen at a speed that was superior to that of any professional baseball pitcher's pitch. She punched the stone with her bandaged fist and it shattered on impact. The results surprised Chie. "You could have put an eye out," said Kasen.

Chie blushed, stammering at the impossibility of what just happened. "B-b-b-but, how! ? How in the hell did you do that?"

Kasen gave the kunoichi a cute look (in her case) of mockery, AKA, a troll-face. "Again: I have my ways."

"I just hurled that thing like a speeding bullet!"

"So?" Kasen shrugged, unimpressed.

"But I have super strength, got-damn it!" Chie seethed.

"How fascinating…"

Chie made a primal scream of frustration and lifted a nearby stone that was more than twice the size of the previous one. "We'll see how fascinating I am once I take you out with this!"

"H-hey! Now wait just a minute, stranger!" Kasen pleaded, her arms flailing.

"RAAARGH!" Chie hurled the huge stone, prompting her adversary to make a more drastic move. Kasen jumped out of the pond and raised her bandaged arm. She brought down her arm with a radical chop, cleaving the rock in two. The gorgeous hermit remained in mid-air as some sort of mist seeped from her arm. Chie received her second shock of the day. "You gotta be kidding me!"

Kasen gazed at the utterly stunned kunoichi, wagging her right index finger in warning. "Temper-temper…"

"How can I keep cool when you chopped a car-sized rock in half?" Chie asked with wide eyes. "Plus – you're freakin' flying! FLYING!"

Kasen giggled at her opponent and returned to earth. "And you telegraph your moves. I do believe that's a bad thing for a ninja to do. You might as well be a boxer if you want to telegraph your moves that much."

"You're no ordinary country bumpkin, I'll tell you that much." Chie grunted. "So you're telling me that you knew I have super-strength all along?"

"Yes, your essence is both that of a human and youkai," Kasen revealed. "Of course, this 'country' is home to many fantastic creatures but you on the other hand, are quite rare here."

"But there's no way that you could tell that I'm a hanyou from appearance," Chie bemoaned. "All my life, no one besides my family ever knew that I was a half-youkai." She shook her head in disbelief. "I look completely human for goodness' sake!"

"Trust me, virtually all the youkai in Gensokyou look human," Kasen explained. "It's either that or a youkai bearing a humanoid shape. There's even a legendary nue here that resembles a chic young woman from the outside world. And you know how grotesque the nue are."

"Never mind that!" Chie yelled, brandishing a dagger again. "I'm tired of you now! I think it's time I put you out of your misery!"

"Um… very well," Kasen somersaulted away from Chie and procured the nunchucks that Miguel left behind. She whirled the weapon stylishly. "Well, what are you waiting for? Put me out of my misery."

Chie charged at Kasen with the intent on stabbing her chest. Kasen caught the blade by the chain of the nunchuck, initiating a close quarters struggle. Chie tried to yank her blade free but the hermit had it tangled so tightly that the blade couldn't budge. "Such animosity…"

"Ngh – what are you talking about?" Chie demanded, struggling.

"It is clear that you're a seasoned martial artist but it seems that you have become routine in your methods." Kasen explained. "Your anger has gotten the best of you. It forced you to fight with an unfocused, broken rhythm."

"Shut up!" Chie yelled as she relinquished the blade. She revealed another hidden blade. She swiped it towards Kasen's throat.

The hermit expected such a surprise attack and caught the blade with her right hand. She gave Chie a sly smile. "Relax. Here, allow me to cool you off." She abruptly shook her wet hair and showered Chie in annoyance.

Chie recoiled in disgust and retaliated with a kick to the hermit's chest. "That's not funny!"

"Okay… I was wrong for that." Kasen admitted as she flipped off the ground. She finally realized there her clothes were muddy. "Oh dear. Now I need to clean my clothes."

Chie was fatigued. The hermit was far tougher than she imagined. "Who are you?"

The sudden question honestly surprised Kasen. "Who am I, you ask? To tell you the truth, I have been wondering that since the day I was born."

Chie nodded her head, her long side-ponytail lashing like a whip. "You're talking nonsense again!"

"Very well, I'll answer your question." Kasen replied. "I'm merely a mountain ascetic who's on an everlasting quest for knowledge."

"Ugh, I should have known that you weren't an ordinary woman." Chie huffed, turning away. "You're a scary old lady, you know that?"

Kasen instantly grabbed Chie by her ponytail with a truly menacing expression. "What was that?" She demanded in a very dark tone. "Perhaps I should put you out of YOUR misery, little ninja girl?"

Chie fell on her knees and cried. "Aiiieee! Let go of me!"

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" Kasen hissed, glowing with a frightening aura.

"I'm sorry! I apologize!" Chie shrieked. "Please forgive me for calling you an old woman! You're a beautiful young mountain hermit!"

Kasen relinquished Chie's hair, that sinister aura suddenly gone. "Now that's better. You're smarter than what you let on."

Chie glared at her ascetic adversary with a tear-streaked face full of animosity. "This… isn't… over!" She nearly cracked her teeth from gritting them so hard. "You better watch your back."

"I suppose we'll meet again?"

Chie gave Kasen the middle finger and vanished.

Easing her guard, the hermit sighed. "What a day…" She looked at her clothes again and nodded. "Well I best be on my way back to the dojo and wash these clothes. I wonder if Yuyuko-hime is still there."

The gorgeous senin started on her way back to her home, but a lilting voice from out of nowhere halted her. "That was a nice show. You were impressive."

Kasen saw a flash of silver and the next thing she knew her eyes were staring back at her. The curved scythe was looming threateningly close to her throat. "Do tell, do tell…" she remarked, reclining her head back a bit.

SQUISH!

"Stop that," Komachi Onozuka said in displeasure. If only her voice was as imposing as she was. Chie's voice was deeper than hers. "That's annoying."

"Hmm-hmm…" Kasen cooed, enjoying the feel of the amazon's bosom on her head. "I'm tired." She snuggled her head into the shinigami's cleavage.

"Make my titties part like that again and I swear that I'll cleave your head off." Komachi chided with a fierce blush on her face.

"I know that you won't kill me," Kasen replied in kind. "Forfeit the threat. Besides, you will never hear the end of it from the Yama if you did tore my mortal body asunder. You are merely a ferrywoman, after all."

"Tch…" Komachi pulled her scythe away from Kasen's neck. "You talk too much. Yet, your words aren't meaningless."

"I live an ascetic lifestyle, Komachi. Sometimes, words are my only companions." Kasen turned around and faced Komachi. The redhead was a foot taller than her. Komachi would tower over even Chie. "So what's the reason for our meeting this evening? Hey, that rhymed."

Komachi propped her weapon on her shoulder. "Looks like Gensokyou is caught up in another incident again. But this one is potentially more dangerous than your average incident."

Kasen looked away. "What gave you that impression?"

"They were after you."

"I can tell that much."

"Well…" Komachi began sardonically, flipping her hair. "All I can tell for now is to be careful. You must have been neglecting your sutras, right?"

Kasen narrowed her eyes. "Komachi… you know me better than anyone."

"Hey-hey, I was just saying…" Komachi held up her hands defensively. "For all we know they're probably trying to kill you. Hence, my interests were piqued."

Kasen tilted her head and played with a lock of her hair. "This isn't the first time that someone's conspired to take my life. It's not a big deal."

"You're always self-aware. I like that about you." Komachi smirked. The giantess suddenly pointed her scythe at Kasen threateningly. "However, you are still under surveillance. The higher-ups in the netherworld are more interested in you than ever. Some of them are saying that your death could be at hand."

Kasen stared at Komachi's blade. It was sharp enough to cut the tiniest bit of hair. "I face death every passing day, Komachi. It has been that way since I've manifested from my mother's water. It is the fate of every mortal."

Komachi chuckled. "Humph. You're a mess. That woman broke you off something raw. Go home and get yourself cleaned." She lowered her weapon and began walking away from Kasen. "As for me, I'm heading back to Higan. I need to catch up on my beauty sleep, after all."

"Beauty sleep, you say?"

The shinigami waved her hand nonchalantly. "Yea, you heard right. It works wonders for my body. If it weren't for that, you wouldn't enjoy snuggling your head against my chest then."

Kasen giggled. "Good night, Komachi. Until we meet again."

Komachi yawned. "Yea yea…"

Kasen shrugged and resumed her way back home. A murder of crows was hovering above the forest meadows. She gazed at the birds in the dusky sky, smiling. "Not today, fellas."

KASEN'S DOJO

She returned to her messy den, sighing. She was tired from her fight with Chie and she didn't feel like cleaning the mess right now. And her guests had already left the hot springs (she was especially glad that Seiga left). Removing her shoes from her feet, she started her way to her bedroom. That is, until she heard a creaking sound somewhere on her property. Kasen immediately tensed.

Someone's present. But that's not what had Kasen on edge. She sensed the presence of someone… powerful. Very powerful. Kasen clenched her fists once more, anticipating a grueling battle.

Hoodlums… they're not done trespassing my home yet? Kasen thought in frustration. And it seems like they've sent a powerful warrior this time in order to deal with me.

CLACK…

Kasen gulped. Whoever the token strong-arm was, he/she is in hallway that led to the garden. The hermit took extreme precaution in approaching her adversary. Maybe she could win this battle by a preemptive strike.

CLICK…

CLACK…

Kasen rounded a downed kongorikishi statue and entered the hallway in a crouch. Droplets of sweat poured down her face. Whoever this warrior was is leagues stronger than Chie. She was thankful that the intruders embellished most of her belongings in the hallway. They provided excellent cover for her. Ironically, Kasen herself was trekking down the corridor like a ninja.

CLICK…

CLACK…

CLACK!

The mysterious intruder halted before a door. Kasen remained hidden in the filth of her belongings. She took a look at the stranger and can make out the lithe silhouette – a female. The woman opened the door… ever… so… slowly. She was about to enter the garden.

Throughout her long life Kasen has often heard that it is best to take someone by surprise (or to kill somebody) when they're going through a door. She decided that now it was the time to attack the woman. Kasen emerged from her hiding spot from behind a tall vase and engaged the woman. She raised her bandaged fist, hoping to strike the woman down with one blow. "SEEEIIII-YAAAAAH!"

A pair of wings sprouted and the next thing Kasen knew, "Ayayayaya~!"

WAP!

Kasen shot through the hall like a bullet and crashed in the den. That woman packed a punch! The hermit rolled to her side with a grunt and rubbed her possibly swollen jaw. "Ow…"

"Oh my goodness," Aya lamented as she entered the den. "I'm so sorry for hitting you like that! You scared me!"

Kasen was shocked when she realized the woman's identity. That frightening presence she sensed… was it really Aya's? "It's you!"

"Yea, about that…" Aya placed her camera in her skirt pocket. "I was just taking photos of the rummage, of course. And from the looks of things, it's personal with the way they blatantly disrespected your property."

"With the way you hit me, this might as well be your home." Kasen joked with a wince. She was surprised to know that the powerful presence she sensed was the Pure and Honest Aya Shameimaru. The beautiful tengu's hair was permed into a pageboy style. That may have explained why Kasen couldn't identify her just now. "Ooh… I'm going to sleep like a newborn tonight."

Aya crouched on her haunches next to Kasen, her blunt bangs swaying cutely. "Are you okay? Can you stand?" The reporter asked. "I have to apologize for my sudden presence here but I couldn't resist taking photos of this crime scene. It looks like the mountain gods had a party up in here."

Kasen propped herself against a fallen warrior statue. "I take it that you know what's going on then. I read today's article about the ninja invasion and I even fought a few of them."

"I know," Aya replied, tapping her camera. "For a hanyou, that little broad wasn't bad."

"Yes, I agree with you, Aya-san." Kasen nodded. "Anyway, now that you're here, I want to ask you something."

Aya fished her notepad from her breast pocket. "An interview?"

"Be that as it may…"

"Sure, ask away." Aya began scribbling in her notepad.

"What do you know about the ninja?" Kasen prompted, gazing the tengu in the eyes. "Weren't you a kunoichi once upon a time?"

Aya bit her rose-colored lips, and after a pause, she said "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"But Aya, I thought-"

"I said that I don't know what you're talking about," Aya repeated with ominous emphasis. The tengu's sudden pokerfaced expression scared Kasen.

Kasen's eyes became giant dots again. "Okay! Subject dropped! Dropped, I say!" Underneath that cute and carefree exterior lies a truly frightening beast. Kasen now knew that it is unwise to reawake that sleeping monster. Even though she is one of Gensokyou's most well known citizens, Aya is also one of the most mysterious. No one knows the true extent of her power. That's the reason why Lord Tenma employed her during wars in the first place. It's also the reason why Yukari seeks to claim her as her shikigami.

"Hmm…" Aya began, breaking Kasen out of her humbled state. "For one thing, if the people we're dealing with are true ninja, then we should know that they aren't to be trifled with. You already know that they have most of Gensokyou on edge, right?"

"Yes, I'm aware of that," Kasen answered. "Thefts are reported all over the place, from antiques to women's underwear."

Aya's dark eyes suddenly littered with stars. "Did you say women's underwear?"

"Uh… well yes, and I do believe that they may have made it off with mine's as well." Kasen reported, backing away from the suddenly red-faced tengu.

Aya scribbled in her notepad so furiously that her pen started smoking. "Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! What a scoop!"

Kasen tilted her head and giggled sheepishly. "Uh… Aya-san?"

Aya suddenly lifted Kasen's skirt (without her noticing). "Looks like they haven't gotten to that pair you have on yet! Nice shade of purple, by the way."

Kasen noticed that the reporter was viewing her vanity. Gasping, she slapped Aya's hand away and covered her crotch in embarrassment. "Aya! That's rude!"

"It's a scoop, baby!" Aya cheered and resumed writing in her notepad. "Those are a pair of side-tie drawers you have on! It would be a real shame if they got a hold of them!"

"Hey!"

"Hold still," the tengu commanded and Kasen did so. She took out a bandage from her pocket and placed it on the cut on Kasen's cheek. "That should do it. I don't remember seeing you getting slashed across the face."

Kasen touched her cheek gently. Her eyes felt heavy. "There's a blade hidden in her boots."

The tengu wrote more notes, smiling delightfully. "Ah-ha! The ole knife in the sole gimmick – Classic!" A wave of nostalgia hit her. "That is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Ooh… that chick got style."

Kasen tilted her head with a yawn. "What was that?"

"Ack! It was nothing!" Aya said, fluttering her wings.

"I am beyond tired." Kasen admitted and crossed her legs. "I've been looking into this incident all day and fought five people today. Maybe I'm a bit out of shape."

"Hmm-mmm, everything looks good from what I'm seeing," Aya commented, causing the hermit to blush.

Kasen gasped and jabbed Aya's shoulder. "None of that, now. You're really shameless, Shameimaru."

"Hey, I'm not known as the Pure and Honest Reporter for nothing, you know," Aya chuckled with a wink. "Yea, I should be getting a move on now. I have enough photos for tomorrow's paper. Besides, you should really get yourself some sleep."

Kasen rolled her eyes. "That's what I was intend on doing, actually."

"Alrighty then," Aya stood up and stretched her arms. "You go on ahead and catch up on some of that beauty sleep, you cute little mountain hermit, you. As for me, I still have work to do."

Kasen got to her feet as well. "You're really diligent, Aya-san. Your boundless energy is inspirational. Isn't it common among the tengu to have such energy?"

"Psshaw!" Aya scoffed. "That's a stereotype, toots. Remind me to introduce you to Momiji and Hatate one day. Well, mostly Momiji… Hatate's okay once she sets her mind to her tasks. Speaking of that brat, I wonder if she knows what's been going on lately. She's full of surprises."

"I'm sure she knows what's going by now," Kasen commented, following Aya outside her dojo.

"No doubt about it. That means she's probably out right now and gathering news on the incident as we speak." Aya said, hopping of the railing outside the dojo. "She can work as hard as she wants to for all I care. I'm way ahead of her anyway."

Kasen didn't comment. She wondered why the reporter took her occupation so seriously when it comes to Hatate. She was aware that journalism was Aya's profession but she can't help but to be concerned about her potentially deadly competition with Hatate. Kasen has never actually met Hatate but she knew that her clashes with Aya were legendary. Their bellicose behavior was very… humanlike.

"You be careful, now…" Aya's voice snapped Kasen out of her sleepy musings. She was crouching on the railing, looking very much like the classic image of the crow tengu. "I'll keep in touch with you. You can count on me to help you get to the bottom of this incident."

Kasen produced a light smile. "Thank you, Aya-san…"

The Wind God Girl replied with a thumbs-up gesture and jumped off the railing, soaring back to the towering pagodas further up the Youkai Mountain: the Tengu Village.

We appreciate the help, Aya-san… Kasen reentered her home, her body demanding rest. Removing her dingy clothes, she entered her bedroom and fell into deep sleep – dreamless and peaceful.

HUMAN VILLAGE – KOTOHIME'S HOUSE

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!

The Maniacal Princess jarred awake from her futon. She just fell asleep only a few moments ago. What could anyone want during this time of night? Discarding the romance novel on her lap, Kotohime fastened her yukata tightly on her on semi-nude body and approached the living room door. Who could this be?

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!

"Just a second," Kotohime grunted. "I'm on my way!" She picked up her jutte and a can of Mace just in case of an intruder.

"Hurry up and open the door already," the visitor said.

"Meira?" Kotohime wondered, and opened the door for her friend. "What do you want? It's late. Who in their-"

Meira clamped her hand over Kotohime's mouth and shoved her inside the den. She quickly closed the door behind her. "Shh!"

"Huh," Kotohime whispered. "What's going on, Meira?"

Meira shifted her narrowed eyes in response. She heard footsteps on the rooftops. "Ninja…"

Kotohime gasped. "They're back in the village? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I've spotted a few of them earlier." Meira explained. "They're at it again." She looked around the den for a moment and an idea occurred to her. "They haven't robbed you yet, apparently."

Kotohime tilted her head in confusion. "What, you were counting on them to rob me?"

Meira went straight to the point. "We need to blow out every candle in this place – every last one of them. We're outnumbered."

Kotohime gasped with worry. She brought her hands over her mouth. "Really?"

"We need to turn off all lights and extinguish all the candles now, Koto," the samurai-ko said with more urgency. "We can still level the playing field." She hastily approached a lamp near a bookshelf and turned it off. The room grew considerably darker than before. "Hop to it, Koto! We don't have much time!"

"Okay, I'm on it!" Kotohime nodded and began putting out the lights in her house. Within minutes the house was completely dark, save for the bit of light supplied by the moon and stars. Kotohime fell. "Oof!"

Meira was immediately at her side. "Are you okay?"

"I can hardly see a thing, of course I'm not okay," the redhead whined. "How can you see so well in this darkness? Are you part cat or something?"

"My training requires me to train in the dark sometimes," said Meira, helping Kotohime off the floor. "Sighted or blind, a warrior must be prepared for anything."

"Damn it," Kotohime swore. "I think I've stepped on a mecha figurine just now."

"Focus, Koto!" Meira commanded. "Let the light of the…" she interrupted herself as he eyes narrowed. She heard the footsteps again. This time, they were inside Kotohime's house. "Shit! They're already here!" She grabbed Kotohime's hand and led her inside a closet.

Meira closed the closet and focused on the moonlight shining from the windows. "I need to change clothes," Koto said.

"That's the last of your worries right now," said Meira, frowning. "And don't lean so close to me. Your breasts are crushing my back."

Kotohime blushed. "It's not my fault that you've decided on a closet as a hiding spot. It's small in here."

"No, you're big in here!" Meira grunted. "Go on a diet why don't cha!"

The red-faced regal officer resented that comment. "Hey! Who do you think I am, Keine?"

Meira shushed the Maniacal Princess again, pointing at the silhouettes of two men. They were in the halls just outside the room they were hiding in. Meira clicked the hilt of her katana, expecting a violent encounter. The duo paused and whispered to each other for a moment. Meira slowly unsheathed her blade. I think they know that we're hiding in here…

"Oh no," Kotohime whispered apprehensively. "They're on to us!"

"Calm down! We don't know that yet."

"But they're just standing out there."

Meira didn't bother to make any remarks. Whatever happen, happens. She kept her eyes on the duo expectantly. It was a fifty-fifty chance that they know of the girls' hiding place. The samurai-ko's knuckles grew white from tension. This scenario is becoming increasingly more dangerous by the second. The figures began moving again. "Get ready…"

The Maniacal Princess nodded. "Umm-hmm…"

The intruders entered the room across the hall. It was an unexpected development.

"They're in my bedroom!" Kotohime gasped. "I don't appreciate that!"

"C'mon," Meira said, sliding open the closet. "We're going to take them out while they're off guard. But we need to do this quickly and quietly, Koto. Who knows how many of them are in your home right now."

Kotohime brought along a broom from the closet. "Okay…"

The girls left the den in silence. They were so discreet in their movement that not a single footstep was here. Kotohime was adapting to the darkness much better than she expected, thanks to Meira guiding her. They cross the hall and stood readily on each side of the door – infantry style. The door to Kotohime's bedroom was partially opened. Meira gazed over at Kotohime, making sure that the princess was ready for the task at hand. She whispered again "On the count of three…"

Kotohime's heartbeat was racing but she remained calm. She mouthed out 'I'm ready…'

The samurai-ko raised her fist and raised a finger with each count. 'One…'

Kotohime was pokerfaced.

'Two…'

A dollop of sweat glistened on Kotohime's face.

'THREE!'

The girls barged into the bedroom simultaneously with their weapons at the ready. But… to their surprise (and Kotohime's horror) no one was inside. If that wasn't bad enough, Kotohime's clothes was strewn all over the room. The princess' eyes searched the room frantically for any signs of the intruders. "Where'd they go?"

Meira gritted her teeth and cursed her luck. "Damn it! It's a trap!"

Kotohime was intent on mentioning something, but a strong hand had covered her mouth. "Hmmph!"

"Yea," a sly voice sneered. "You're a genius."

Meira gasped and faced the intruder that apprehended Kotohime. What she beheld was a very handsome white-haired man in a silver dogi along with two more masked men. He held Kotohime tightly against him in a face lock. Needless to say, the Maniacal Princess was at his mercy. "Bastard! You let her go right now!" She assumed an Iiado stance, ready to maim or kill.

Hsiao surveyed the swordswoman's stance. "Hmm… What are you planning to do if I don't, huh?"

"You've just endangered yourself, then." Meira threatened.

Hsiao's subordinates now stood besides him. "Is that right? You're funny, you know that?"

Meira's expression's was menacing. "That wasn't a joke."

"Too bad I find it humorous then," Hsiao said dismissively, allowing his hand that once held Kotohime's mouth to sample her bosom area.

"Hey! Watch your hand, pal!" Kotohime scolded. "You may be pretty, but I can't just allow you to put your hands in the cookie jar from the get-go like that!"

"Don't kid yourself," Hsiao scoffed, getting a good squeeze out of Kotohime's breasts. "You're not my type. Sano may like you though. He likes old women."

Kotohime blushed in offense. "Hey! I'm not old! I'm only twenty-seven!"

Hsiao shushed Kotohime again. "You can stop talking now." He returned his attention to Meira, his grip around Koto's waist ever tight. "And you, I don't have time for you. This is nothing personal – its business. Besides, I've put down a lot of samurai back in the day. How are you going to succeed at where they've failed, huh?"

"Then you will feel their retribution in the bite of my blade." Meira declared.

"Rrright…" Hsiao rolled his eyes. "I've heard that one before." He lifted Kotohime off her feet and turned away from Meira. "Put her out of her misery, boys."

The minions brandished their blades. One of them said, "It's time for a rematch."

Meira remembered the voice. It was Nobu. "The results are going to be the same as our previous encounter," she said dangerously. "The only difference is that I'm going to be far brutal than before."

Nobu leered. "Oh yeah? Let's see if you can back up-" The masked hooligan was suddenly interrupted by a flash, followed by the sound of flesh being ripped.

SLASH!

Nobu's scarf was cut into pieces but his companion was shrieking in pain. "GAAARRGH!"

A mutilated hand fell on the floor. "Holy shit!" Nobu swore. "Hey man, you're a youkai, right? You can grow limbs back, right?"

The partner in crime grimaced while holding his nub of a limb. "Kill that bitch!" He sobbed as his blood stained the tatami. "UGH! Don't let her get away!"

Nobu left the place without a word. He'll make that samurai woman pay for such a cheap shot!

HUMAN VILLAGE OUTSKIRTS

"Hey, you're jumping through treetops like a damn monkey!" Kotohime whined. She was lugged over her abductor's right shoulder. "You're making me dizzy! Can't you fly or something?"

"Shut up," Hsiao grunted with an admonishing slap on the redhead's butt.

"For someone that isn't your type, you sure are touching me inappropriately." Kotohime pointed out. "You've done it at least five times since we left the village."

Hsiao returned to earth in annoyance. "You're happy now?" He began walking with an irritated gait.

The redhead tried to break free from her captive again. "Somewhat…" she commented, reaching for the blade around his waist. She earned another slap. "Ow!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" Hsiao warned.

Kotohime promptly gave up her efforts in breaking free. She realized that there was no way she can get away from this stranger – not physically, anyway. If Hsiao was human, she would have dealt with him with no problem. Yet, to her luck, the guy was a youkai. The gears in her oddball brain began stirring. Maybe she can 'distract' her way out of this predicament. Whatever it is, she has to do it right now because there's no telling what the white-haired stranger may do to her once he reached his destination. It might as well be a matter of life and death. "So…" she began. "You're a ninja…"

Hsiao raised his brows. "Yea, so…?"

"How come you're not wearing a mask then, huh?" Kotohime pressed.

"It's not the cloth that a ninja wears that defines him."

"Oh yea," Kotohime wondered. "Then why are you wearing a…" she couldn't quite identify the baggy threads he was wearing. "… whatchamacallit?"

"It's called a ninja dogi." Hsiao indicated. "C'mon, you should know this. You're a cop that lives in a land that's still stuck in the eighteenth century. You… are a cop, right?"

"I am a royal law enforcer!" Kotohime remarked. Then it hit her. "Wait a minute – how did you know that I'm a cop in the first place?"

Hsiao smirked, "Heard it through the grapevine."

The regal officer cursed her luck. "Gee, you ninja really get around. And you really caught me off guard earlier. You could have at least allowed me to put some clothes on."

"Actually you caught me off guard," said Hsiao. "Do you ever shut up? I should of duct taped you."

"Well, that was rude." Kotohime pouted. She remained quiet for several minutes until she noticed that her captor began walking with an awkward gait. "Hey, what's with you all of a sudden?"

Hsiao frowned, "Damn."

"Huh?"

The white-haired man approached a tree and relinquished Kotohime. The sudden turn of events nonplussed her. She rose to her feet in confusion. Hsiao gave her a menacing glare. "There's something that I need to do right now. Don't you even think of trying to escape, because I WILL catch you. And I promise you that it won't be pretty."

Kotohime stared into her captor's eyes. She was unfazed by his threat. However, she was a little curious about what he was about to do. "What… you have to take a piss or something?"

"Tch! You just stay right there," he commanded and rounded the tree. "And no peeping!"

The waterworks started and Kotohime said "If you shake it more than twice then you're playing with it, you know."

Hsiao said nothing.

"It's kinda chilly out here tonight," Kotohime continued. "And here I am virtually nude underneath my sleeping yukata. I'm sure glad that I have a pair of panties on, though. In the very least, my loins are warm."

Her captor remained silent, the waterworks still trickling.

"You sound big." Kotohime said.

"Hey, enough of that, now!" Hsiao grunted, still pissing.

The Maniacal Princess sensed his unease. If only she had a weapon on her. "I must be wrong about you then. You sound ashamed just now. You shouldn't be, though. Are you aware that you've kidnapped the most beautiful girl in the village? You should be feeling large, man."

"Shut up!"

Kotohime snickered to herself. In a psychological sense, she won this round. Men… they always have ninety-nine point nine percent of their pride in their junks. "And make sure that you wash your hands! There's a pond nearby."

The ninja finished his business behind the true. "Ah… what a relief!" He suddenly noticed something in the sky. There was something… or someone gliding over the forest. "What the hell is that up there?"

"Eh?" Kotohime rounded the tree and gazed at what he was pointing at.

"Is that a… witch?"

Kotohime gasped. Opportunity was knocking. Even though she couldn't stand the witch she figured that she could use her to get herself out of this pickle. She began waving her hands furiously. "Marisa! MARISA! Oi! Help! HELP! I'M DOWN HERE!"

In the night sky Marisa could have swore she heard someone shouting her name. Did I just hear Kotohime's voice just now?

"MARISA! YOHOO!" The redhead shrieked. "There's a ninja down here!"

"Oh no you don't!" Hsiao shoved Kotohime to the ground and brandished a shuriken from his belt. He tossed the weapon with all of his might and the next thing that happened…

"Yaaah!" Marisa fell off her broom and crashed somewhere in the forest.

Now that the redhead's savior was out of the picture, Hsiao returned his attention to her. "Damn it, that was one hell of a stunt you've pulled just now!" He pulled out his ninjato and advanced on her. "I've warned you that it won't be pretty if you tried to pull a fast one on me!"

Kotohime skittered away from him while on the ground. In one of the rare moments of her life, she was terrified. The murderous look in the youkai's eyes will haunt her for years to come. "H-hey! Th-there's n-no need for violence, man! Just put the blade down and let's talk about this!"

Hsiao's blade was trained near her chest. "Sorry, but you already had your chance. I'll just let them know that an accident happened." He raised his blade over his head, preparing for a fatal blow…

"SHAAA!"

SLASH!

"Urgh!" Blood erupted from his chest like a geyser. To the youkai's surprise, the samurai woman from the village stood before him in challenge. Trying his best to ignore the pain on his chest, he glared at her. "You!"

Kotohime was glad to see the violet haired woman. "Meira!"

"You seem surprised to see me," said Meira. She stood with a traditional samurai's stance: her feet spread apart and shoulders squared. She held her katana at shoulder level. "I told you that you're in trouble."

Hsiao's frown turned into a smile. "Okay, have it your way." He suddenly threw a trio of shuriken at his adversary, prompting her to deflect them with her blade. Then he moved in on the samurai-ko, surprising her with his speed. Hsiao drove a knee to her midsection and elbowed her back as she doubled over in pain. She fell on her face from the second blow. "I have to give you credit: you're good. It's rare when a human is able to deflect the shuriken that I throw at them."

Meira barrel-rolled away from him on the ground and got back on her feet. Guh… Damn it, he HAD to be a youkai. She raised her katana again in challenge. And what makes it worse is the fact that he's a youkai that trains. I have to focus, since Spell Cards aren't involved…

Hsiao admired his opponent. He had a feeling that the girl knew that she's facing a youkai in mortal combat, yet she refuse to back down. Usually a human warrior will forfeit the battle or run away in fear once he/she realize that he's a youkai. She earned his respect. "Your move…"

Meira charged at the youkai with a slash for his head. Her adversary sidestepped the attacked and retaliated with a kidney punch. "Ack!" Meira grunted, suppressing her scream. She immediately did a back-kick in hopes of surprising him, but he ducked and countered with a kick of his own to her calf. The violet-haired woman fell on one knee, panting. "Shit!"

The white-haired youkai grabbed Meira by her shirt collar. "You got that right. You're deep in it."

Meira fearlessly stared into his eyes. "I'm not done yet!" She snarled and promptly surprised him by brandishing a hidden dagger and stabbed his arm with it.

"Got-damn it!" Hsiao cussed and reactively kicked the woman in the stomach, knocking her into a tree. He grimaced and pulled the blade out of his bicep. "That hurts like crazy!" Discarding the dagger, her charged at the bound woman and delivered a punch to her stomach (it's always her stomach). His adversary slumped against the tree as the wind was knocked out of her. "It's time to put you out of your misery, lady," he declared. Just as he was about to finish Meira, he gasped in pain.

STAB!

"How in the heck did I forget about you?" Hsiao grunted, addressing Kotohime.

Kotohime was behind him, driving the blade deep into his back. "Bastard…"

Hsiao was starting to feel a bit dizzy. "Ugh… I'm loosing a lot of blood here." Then he noticed that the woman in front of him chuckling. "What's… so… funny?"

"Fufufufu…"

Kotohime noticed the sinister undertone of her friend's laugh. "Meira, are you okay?"

"I'm fine…" Meira replied, shifting her head to look at the pain in Hsiao's face. "I can't say the same for our friend, though."

"What… do you mean… by that?" Hsiao winced, feeling noticeably weaker.

"You see, Mister Big Bad Ninja Youkai, that dagger that's in you right now… isn't an ordinary dagger." Meira revealed. "That is a youkai-exterminating blade that has been passed down in my family for generations. You know what that means to you? It means that you are in trouble."

Hsiao's vision was getting blurry. "Clever girl…"

Kotohime still held the bloody blade. "You have the right to remain silent…"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit!" Hsiao roared and elbowed the Maniacal Princess in the face. After he knocked down the crazy woman, he plucked that accursed weapon off his back. "ARGH!"

"Oh no you don't!" Meira mustered all of her strength to deliver a sucker punch to his head. The youkai ninja tumbled from the blow. In his condition he couldn't even withstand a blow from a strong human. He was pretty much defeated. Meira went to Kotohime's aid and held her. "Hey, Koto, are you okay?"

The princess gave her friend a pout. She has a fresh bruise on her cheek. "He's a bad man," she complained. "And he hits women, for goodness' sake."

She's okay, Meira thought in relief. "Tell me something that I don't know."

"Boss!" Nobu cried as he entered the fray. "Oh man, you don't look so well!"

Hsiao coughed. "No shit, Sherlock."

"Don't worry, boss," Nobu glared at the women that subdued Hsiao. "I'll take care of them!"

Meira heard the minion's words. "You're a glutton for punishment, you know that?"

"You shut your trap, woman!" Nobu shouted, pointing at the samurai-ko accusingly. "I'm gonna to make you pay for lopping off my buddy's arm!"

"He got what he deserved then!" Meira remarked as she recollected her katana. "Keep messing with me and your arm won't be the only thing that's going to get chopped off! I'm going castrate you!"

Both Hsiao and Nobu cringed at the scorned woman's threat. "What the hell! ?"

"I think that's a little extreme, Meira." Kotohime commented.

Meira ignored the redhead because she was on a warpath towards the men with her sword raised. "En guard!"

"RAARGH!" Nobu war-cried, charging at Meira.

"Master Spark!" A voice from nowhere shouted furiously, and the next thing that happen a powerful multicolored beam of energy streaked on the scene. It narrowly missed the samurai and ninja but the youkai lying on the ground wasn't as lucky. The magic spell engulfed poor Hsiao and he screamed a high-pitched scream while he was being blown away.

Nobu felt like his heart is about to jump out his chest. "What in the heck was that! ?"

Meira stared at the destruction that the Master Spark left in its wake: several yards of scorched tress and a small crater where Hsiao once occupied. "Marisa…"

"Oi…" began the said witch as she appeared into view. There was a large bandage patch on her butt and she looked absolutely pissed. She held up a shuriken. "…who the hell threw this got-damn thing?"

"The guy you've hit with the Master Spark." Kotohime snitched.

"Where… is… he! ?" Marisa growled.

Nobu couldn't believe his eyes. What he saw was the angriest (and cutest) blonde that he had ever seen. But there was something familiar about the witch. "You the witch that lives in the Magical Forest," he said in a nervous tone. "I've heard tales about you but I never knew that you were so powerful."

"Oh?" Marisa aimed her miniature furnace towards the minion. "So you want to know how powerful I really am, huh?" The weapon began glowing. "I'll be more than happy to give you something to warn your ninja homies about, ze."

"It's your choice," Kotohime said as she dusted off her yukata while she stood. "You can either surrender or get cooked alive – it makes no difference to me at this point."

Nobu gulped as he contemplated his chances of escaping. Three (crazy) women were glaring at him: an angry samurai, a pissed-off witch, and a self-proclaimed princess who's clinically insane. There was no way he can get out of this scenario. Besides, he used up all of his smoke bombs. At a time like this he wondered if he was really worthy of being called a ninja. Reluctantly, he discarded his sword and raised his hands. "I… surrender…"

The Maniacal Princess smirked. "Smart boy…" she slowly approached him and began her lawful spiel. "You have the right to remain silent…" she stopped mere inches from him and stared into his eyes. "…oh, to hell with it!"

KER-PLOK!

Nobu doubled over from the intense pain in his crotch. "OOOOOORRRGH!"

"That's for breaking and entering, you son of a bitch!" Kotohime cursed and drew her fist back for another blow. "And this…"

BOP!

Nobu hit the ground, unconscious.

"…For letting that creep feel up on me earlier!" Kotohime dusted off imaginary dirt from her hands. "That's a privilege, damn it!"

Marisa whistled. "Damn!"

"That was a little extreme, Koto." Meira commented.

"Nah, lopping of his ding-a-ling would be an extreme for this scumbag!" Kotohime remarked. "And he deserves far worse than that!"

Meira shrugged. "That's true."

"Hey Nobu, did you get her?" A thick patch of forest shrubbery said. A masked man suddenly popped up from the bush and he suddenly dreaded his fate. "Oh shit…"

"Hey, would you look at this?" Meira commented. "It's our nubby-armed friend."

A slasher's smile etched onto the Maniacal Princess' visage. "Oh shit, is right. You're deep in it."

The masked amputee urinated on himself…

KASEN'S DOJO – The Next Morning

Kasen stirred awake from a long slumber. She slept longer than usual last night. Getting into fights with five people can have that effect on a person. Sitting up on her bed with a yawn, she faced the waterfalls that were mere yards away from her home. Kasen always enjoyed the scenes of nature. It puts her at peace and helps her during meditation. Maybe it was a good idea to do some meditating before she resumes her task of resolving the ninja incident. It looks like I have my work cut out before me again. I wonder how Koto and the others are faring.

A small creature skittered in the room. It was the golden ferret-like creature that Kasen captured a few years ago in a storm. The raijuu hopped on the bed and Kasen cradled it like a newborn child. "Shuu! Where in the world have you been, little guy? Have you seen the others?"

The raijuu shifted its eyes towards something on Kasen's bed.

"What is it, Shuu?" Kasen wondered. "I sense that something's bothering you."

"Umm…" a groggy voice moaned, earning a gasp from the hermit.

Kasen realized the large lump underneath the rose-patterned comforter beside her. "Huh? How did this happen?"

The lump squirmed. "Ugh… can't you keep it down? I'm trying to rest here."

That voice sounds familiar. Alarmed, Kasen pulled the comforter off the intruder. What she saw nearly made her eyes pop out of her sockets. "Seiga!"

"That's my name… don't wear it out," said the jasen.

The rose hermit blushed at Seiga's appearance: a white camisole and a pair of black boy-shorts. Shuu hopped out of her arms and angrily skittered away. "Aw. For the love of- put some clothes on! And what are you doing in my bed? How did you get in my bed without my notice?"

Seiga smirked as she rested her arms behind her head. "Oh, about that… do you remember what happened last night?"

"Of course I remember! I was out fighting ninja and got a visit from Aya." Kasen spat indignantly. "And I know for a fact that you weren't in my bed since then. In fact, no one sleeps with me in the first place!"

"Mmm… fufufufu…" the jasen chuckled, surveying the younger woman's appearance. "No wonder you're so ripe. You can give that annoying shinigami a run for her money. Why, I'm suffering from the Parsee Mizuhashi Syndrome right now, toots."

Kasen instinctively covered her breasts with her arms (even though she was wrapped in a red sheet). "What does my fertility has to do with anything? You know what – get out of my house!"

"Hey, check it out, you're nude under there!" Seiga pointed out. "How scandalous!"

"It's a hygiene practice," Kasen blushed. "You should know that." She reached out and grabbed her rival's arm. "Now get out of here!"

"Wait!" Seiga cried as the hermit dragged her out of bed. "Do you want to know why I'm here, Kassie-tan?"

Kasen eyes widened. Did that despicable woman called her 'Kassie-tan' just now? The jasen was better off insulting her. "No, I do not want to know why you're here!"

"You're being a real grouch, you know that?" Seiga commented. "That can have adverse effects on your psyche and your so-called youthful beauty." Suddenly, her rival halted and gazed at her with an affronted expression. "What is it?"

"D-did… you just lectured me just now?" Kasen demanded, totally unable to mentally grasp the fact that Seiga lectured her just now. "I'm dreaming, am I?"

"Hmm-hmm…" Seiga grabbed the younger super mortal by her shoulders. "Allow me to find out. After all, there are many fans out there that are looking forward to our 'intimate' moment. You don't want to disappoint them, do you?"

Kasen was nonplussed by Seiga's words. "Eh?"

"Pucker up!" Seiga gave her rival an unexpected and passionate kiss on the lips.

SMOOCH!

Kasen jolted awake in cold sweat with a terrified gasp. Her heart was beating at a very frantic rate. She clutched her chest and sighed. It was just a nightmare… her thoughts converted into words. "…a very… realistic nightmare at that…"

"You were having a nightmare?" Seiga's low voice floated into the room. "And here I thought that you fell into a peaceful and dreamless slumber." The blue haired woman appeared through the roof like a ghost, frightening Kasen. Her ability to phase through solid objects looked extremely similar to Yukari Yakumo's gapping ability – only that the super youkai can phase through the very fabrics of reality.

"KYAAH!" Kasen shrieked, jumping from her bed in surprise. Luckily for her, she had that rose-patterned bed sheet wrapped around her sub-naked body. Unlike the nightmare she just had her dark-haired rival was in her usual clothes and shawls but her appearance still warranted shock. "You! What are you doing in my house, Seiga! ?"

Seiga shrugged innocently. "I just came over to see how you're doing this morning, that's all." She suddenly noticed that the younger woman was trembling with a blush on her cheeks. "However, I cannot help but notice that you're vexed about something… besides my visit, that is."

Kasen wrapped the sheet around her body tighter, making it look like a long and flowery dress. She made sure that the jasen couldn't get a glimpse of her flesh. "It's nothing… just had an odd dream, that's all."

Seiga narrowed her eyes and her full lips formed a smirk. "Hmm… What kind of dream was it?"

Kasen didn't like that all-knowing expression on the older woman's face. "It doesn't matter, just – be gone already!"

The Wicked Hermit advanced on her prey. "I was in your dream, wasn't I?"

Kasen's entire being became as red as the sheet around her body. "H-hey! Let's not jump to any conclusions, okay!"

Sensing the hermit's moment of weakness, Seiga upped her charm – the very same charm that seduced countless men and women over the course of centuries. With a devilish smile, she remarked "So I was in your dream…" She glided towards Kasen ever slowly. "What did we do? Tell me what happened?"

"Go away, Seiga." Kasen said, backing away from her rival. The roar of the nearby waterfall caught her attention, meaning that she was nearing the guard rail that bordered just outside her room.

"Why so bashful?" Seiga cooed, lightly grabbing Kasen's left hand. "You can tell me all about your dream. If I was in it then it must have been a pleasant dream."

"No it wasn't!" Kasen's butt bumped against the rail.

"Hey, some of our readers are counting us to do something raunchy. So let's give them what they came for." She pressed her chest against Kasen's, her voice now a rousing alto. "What do you say, hmm? Do you want to start things off with a passionate kiss?"

Just as Seiga was about to lock lips with her rival, Kasen pushed her away with a scream. "AAEEEIII!" Unfortunately for Kasen, she tripped over her sheet-dress and fell over the guard rail. "YAAAAAAAH!"

"Kasen!" Seiga shrieked in concern and looked over the rail.

"CURSE YOU, SEIGAAAAA!" Kasen's voice resounded as she plummeted a forty foot drop to the raging waters below. Strangely enough, the sounds of rattling trashcans and other clanging metals were heard. And it wasn't complete without the…

"MEEEEEEOWWWWRR!"

…The shriek of a pissed-off cat.

"Ouch…" the Wicked Hermit grimaced… then smiled cruelly. "Oh da lally, oh da lally, golly what a day~!"

SEVERAL MINUTES LATER

"You definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," Seiga commented, applying ointment on Kasen's back. She was sitting in seiza posture behind her rival. "Hold still, will you?"

"Giii," Kasen winced at the hot-cold sensation, her shoulders tense. She was sitting Indian-style. "That hurts! Be gentle!"

"Oh, shut up you big baby," Seiga chided. "Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." She applied the last of the ointment on her rival and fastened up her sarashi. "There. You can put your shirt on now."

The mountain hermit donned on a brown long-sleeved blouse and sighed. "It's your fault that my day is starting off badly."

"Hand me that brush, mind you." Seiga instructed.

"Here," she grunted, reluctantly handing Seiga a hairbrush. "As I was saying…"

"I said hold still, damn it!" Seiga repeated. "I'm brushing your hair!"

"Watch your tone," Kasen retorted, picking up a small bowl of steamed rice with a huff. "And you better not remove my hair buns either!"

"Then how in the hell do you expect me to brush your hair then?" Seiga argued. Then a sudden realization dawned on her. "Oh! You're still a big mystery in the Touhou canon. If I remove these then the fans may know for sure that whether or not… nevermind. This is fan-fiction, after all."

Kasen tilted her head curiously. "Touhou?"

"I said nevermind," Seiga giggled, brushing down the middle of Kasen's head. "Hey, what's the name of the fragrance you're wearing? That's the scented bath wash you've used, right?"

"Yes, it's called Flowery Mystic." Kasen answered. "What's the name of yours?"

Seiga paused. "…Jaded Bitch."

"That's a rather appropriate name…"

"Whatever. So…" Seiga changed the subject. "Are you ninja-hunting again, today?"

"You already know…" Kasen replied idly, making circles in her bowl of rice with her chopsticks.

"It couldn't be helped," the older hermit said. "Some rather nasty things went down last night."

"Yes, I have a feeling that they're still at large. More home robberies, correct?"

"Oh-ho! You can add kidnappings to that ugly resume as well." Seiga revealed.

Kasen's eyes widened. "What? They're kidnapping people now?"

"Believe it!" Kasen remarked before her eyes suddenly widened in realization. "Ooh, my mistake! I meant to say 'you better believe it'… yea."

"You are a strange woman…"

"And I'm glad I'm not the only one," replied Seiga. Movement in a corner of the den suddenly caught her eye – or at least she thought she did. Seiga squinted her eyes… did she really see someone just now? Maybe it was just her imagination. "Hmm…"

"This is going to be a long day," said Kasen.

"Eh? Is that right?" Seiga wondered, sensing movements again. Now… Seiga believed in ghosts (hell, she's similar to one herself) but what she is sensing right now isn't such a being. There was definitely a presence in the room and she was damn sure that it wasn't a spook. "It's going to be alright. A dog's bark is much worse than its bite."

"Umm-hmm…" Kasen popped a clump of rice in her mouth.

And that's when Seiga saw the phenomena: a silver haired woman whom was wondering around Kasen's dojo. It wasn't a ninja though. This stranger was wearing a yellow long-sleeved blouse and a green miniskirt. Seiga also noticed that the woman has a weird… dream-catcher looking thing that was hovering around her. The girl was moving about the place with a somewhat whimsical gait. A devilish smile etched on her lips when she realized who the stranger was. Hmm-hmm, the Queen of Old Hell's little sister… With a scheme formulating in her mind, the Wicked Hermit removed her hair stick from her hair. Now let's see…

"What's wrong?" Kasen wondered. "Why did you stop all of a sudden?"

"I have an itch in my head," Kasen lied, noticing that the satori was now leaning over the rails. Yes! Stay right there, you pretty young thing, you! The jasen held the hair stick like a stylus and pointed it towards the specific area where the girl was standing. Aiming the stick near the girl's feet, Seiga 'etched' a circle. After completing the circle the girl fell through the floor, screaming.

"SA-TO-RIIIII!"

Clanging metal and rattling trashcans were heard again (somehow) when the girl hit the waters below. And let's not forget the…

"MEEEOWWWRR!"

Kasen suddenly stood up in alarm. "What was that! ?"

Seiga burst out with a melodious and sinister laugh. "Oh-hohohohoho~! Whoever said 'life's a game' was absolutely right!"

"You're up to mischief again, aren't you?" Kasen wondered.

Seiga placed the hair stick back in her locks. "And if I am?"

"Get out of my house," Kasen demanded, pointing to a nearby wall. "Now!"

With a cackle, the Wicked Hermit shrugged her shoulders. "Fine, see if I heal you if you fall out of your dojo again. You're such a silly child…" She bumped into the wall she was intending on phasing through and gasped. When she noticed that Kasen witnessed the slip-up, she gave her a smile of embarrassment. "Oh dear, silly me…" she giggled. She took out her hair stick again and etched a circle in the wall. "I forgot that I have to be as canonically accurate as possible when it comes to my power…" Before she entered the left, she gave her rival a wink and blew her a kiss. "See you soon."

After the jasen was gone, Kasen shuddered and crossed her arms with a vibrant blush. She fell to her knees, confused. "What is this feeling I'm having? Just what in the world has that woman done to me?"

Whatever it was, Kasen had to dismiss it for now. She has an incident to resolve. Just as she was about to set out on her misadventure, a large shadow hovered behind her. Immense relief washed over the senin as she felt the familiar presence. She twirled on her heels and happily gasped at the sight of her pet dapeng – the giant youkai eagle that's ever loyal to her. "Toki!" She cried. "I'm so glad that you're safe!"

The dapeng perched on the rail, nodding at his master's words.

"Toki, have you seen Han and Shuu?" Kasen wondered, concerned for her pet dragon and raijuu.

Toki cawed in reply.

"They're over at Moriya's with Suwako-sama feeding them? Ohh, thank goodness!" Kasen rested a hand over her anxious heart. "I'm glad to hear that she's taking care of them."

Her pet cawed again.

"Eh? You spotted suspicious people traveling in the Magical Forest?" Kasen asked, receiving another caw. "Very well, take me there."

FOREST OF MAGIC – KOURINDOU'S

Rinnosuke Morichika often appreciated the few customers that visit his store. Sure, his customers were usually Alice, Marisa, Kotohime, Yukari, and a few random youkai but he truly appreciated the stranger that was in his shop right now. He kept his wise eyes on the fresh piece of… err, the new costumer whom was browsing over the unknown gadgets from the outside world. This was the very first time seeing this stranger. Who was she? All he knew was the fact that she's a half-youkai like him. She was no Keine, but the stranger was very beautiful. The poor guy fogged his glasses by staring at her strutting around his shop innocently.

"Damn," said Chie, holding a cell phone that was as large as a TV remote. "I used to have this very same Nokia phone back in the nineties. You can even knock someone out with this thing."

"You used to have one of those?" Rinnosuke asked curiously.

"Yea, I did. This thing was the shit back in the days, though." Chie replied, placing the phone back among the other miscellaneous gadgets where it belonged. "Compared to today's standards, it's hard to believe that the phone used to be awesome once upon a time. Back then, I always get bad signals on it when I go to a mall. And it roamed often."

Kourin tilted the glasses on his nose. "I see."

"Man, you have a real antique shop here, ya know," the kunoichi commented, surveying a Super Street Fighter IV arcade stick, a Tonka truck, a Nintendo Power Glove, and a PC-98. "This is a collector's heaven. My ex-boyfriend would go gaga over some of this stuff." She approached a pool table and picked up a pool stick. She leaned over the table as she reach for the 8-ball, purposely displaying her round derriere to him.

Nice! Rinnosuke thought, eyeing the hanyou's backside shamelessly. Those tight shorts she wore augmented the appearance of her already shapely flesh. As Chie played pool, he noticed the long ponytail on the side of her head. He honestly thought that her hair was short but – whatever. He preferred girls with long hair anyway. And the way her ponytail swayed past her waistline was tantalizing to the shopkeeper.

"Hey, do you know how to play pool?" Chie's voice brought him out of his naughty reverie.

"Not really," Kourin admitted.

"Hmm-hmm…" Chie grinned and sat on the pool table with a cross of her legs. "That's too bad. I've always admired a man that knows how to handle a big stick."

DOING!

"Oh got-damn it," a voice from outside cried. "This ringtone is, like, so fucking annoying!"

Both the kunoichi and shopkeeper's faces had the expression of a couple being caught having sex by their restless child. "Awkward…" Chie droned.

DOING!

"Ugh! I'm going to, like, kick Sanae's fat ass for sending me this ringtone!" A couple of black feathers can be seen falling to earth from the window. "Hello… you know, you called me, like, at a wrong time…"

Rinnosuke sighed. "Hatate…" There will definitely be an article of him being seduced by a mysterious girl in the Kakashi Spirits Newspaper tomorrow.

"Someone you know?" Chie wondered with faux interest. "An ex-girlfriend, maybe?"

"No, it's nothing like that." Rinnosuke replied, wishing that was true. He had countless erotic thoughts about that twin-tailed tengu before.

"If she was your ex, then I wouldn't be surprised," the hanyou said coyly. "You're a pretty good-looking guy."

The shopkeeper gasped. "Ah – you think so?"

Sucker! This is far easier than I thought! Chie thought maliciously. "I know so, Handsome. Say, do you have a girlfriend?"

"I don't," Rinnosuke replied, playing cool. "I'm hardly ever on the market. My business occupies most of my time, meaning that I don't have the time to seek out my significant other."

Rrrrright… and Tupac Shakur is the name of a Jewish holiday. This guy reminds me of Hsiao so much. I bet he has a collection of H magazines in his closet. "Hmm, is that right?" Chie fluttered her eyelashes. "You want me to be your girl, then?"

An opportunity of a lifetime has presented itself to Rinnosuke. He couldn't believe his luck! The sultry hanyou actually chose him! Wait until that Keine hears about this! She'll regret putting him in the Friend Zone! Everyone in Gensokyou will soon know of his trophy paramour. "Of course, I would be honored…"

The door of the shop suddenly opened and in came Alice. "Good afternoon, Kourin."

Chie rolled her eyes at the blonde. Humph!

Darn it! You chose a fine to for a visit today! "Ah, good afternoon, Alice. How can I help you today?"

"Any interesting books arrived today? Remind me not to read another book from… Stephanie Myer, okay?" Alice commented. She gazed to her right and noticed the tall noirette near the pool table. "Oh, I didn't notice you there. How do you do, today? My name's Margatroid – Alice Margatroid."

"Hi," Chie replied in a cute voice. "My name's Coholic – first name Al. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Alice made a curious face after hearing that odd name. "Al Coholic?"

Suddenly, a miniature version of Seiga Kaku appeared from out of nowhere with a set of cymbals, supplying a rim-shot. The chibi vanished as suddenly as she appeared.

Rinnosuke snorted.

"Hahahaha!" Chie laughed. I cannot believe that this chick fell for it! That joke was hot back in the eighties! The people in Gensokyou really are old-fashioned! "I'm just kidding. My name's Chie. It's nice to meet you."

Alice hid her embarrassment in the guise of a warm smile. "Ah-ha… likewise…" You silly bitch!

Kourin sensed the hidden animosity between the women. "Hey, let's take a look at the new releases shall we, Alice." He led the puppeteer over to a large shelf that was filled with many types of books. "A couple of those harlequin books that you favor came in recently. There's also a book of alchemy that arrived this morning." He held up a worn, thick book and skimmed a few pages. "Although it's written in Catalan, I'm sure that you can use a spell to translate it."

Chie chortled. "NERD!"

Alice tensed at the epithet. "What did you just called me?"

The tension thickened. "Uh, Alice…"

"Eh? You actually know what that word means?" Chie remarked in faux astonishment. "Golly, that kinda changed my opinion of the people of this hick town."

Kourin tilted his head in confusion. "Huh?"

"For your information…" Alice pushed aside Kourin and approached the kunoichi combatively. "The citizens of Gensokyou are very well-informed. The only difference is that we're not tainted by the constant corruption of the rest of the world beyond the border." Even though she only reached the noirette's chest at full height, Alice stared her in the eyes.

Chie gave a toothy smirk, a fang appearing at the corner of her lips. "Haaaah… someone's pretty grimy. Do you happen to be this guy's ex-girlfriend?"

"It's getting sort of hot in here, isn't it ladies?" Kourin supplied lamely. "How bout I get us all a cup of cold water…"

"The gig is up," Alice interrupted. "Marisa and the others have already informed me what's going on. You're from the ninja clan that's invading Gensokyou right now."

Chie applauded. "Bingo…"

"What?" Kourin drawled, looking like a deer all of a sudden. Conveniently, Aya tossed a copy of the Bunbunmaru newspaper through the window as she sped by, hitting Kourin on the head. With an annoyed grunt, he picked up the paper from the floor and gaped at the main article: Ninja Invasion Continues in Gensokyou. "Well… curse my luck."

"That's right, my bespectacled friend. We're taking over this magical joint." Chie announced and glared at Alice. "So what are you waiting for, punk… make… my… day."

Alice produced a smirk of her own. "With pleasure!" She drew back her right hand and…

SMACK!

Chie gasped. Her face was pink again. "Ooh! It's on now you crazy bitch!" And the next thing Kourin knew, Chie engaged Alice in a catfight. With a blow like that to her pride, Chie tossed nearly fifteen years of ninja discipline out the window. She was rolling with Alice in a Fog of Fisticuffs.

WAP!

BAP!

SMACK!

WHOMP!

POW!

BOP!

WOP!

BA-KOW!

"Wait! Can we resolve this in a civil manner?" Kourin urged, wondering why he should stop the glorious battle that he was witnessing. Suddenly, he was caught up in the dusty cloud. "ACK!"

Just outside Kourindou's a familiar white-haired youkai approached the shop. He received quite a shock when the door suddenly burst open because of the fight going on. Hsiao could make out the countless shrieks, curses, name-calling, and blows meeting flesh. He gaped at the sight of the wanton skirmish because he can easily identify the angry cries of his partner. He sighed. That girl was always getting into skirmishes with random people. It was just that easy to piss her off. "Chie! What the hell, girl! ?"

The cloud vanished, revealing said girl sitting on top of Alice with her hands around the blonde's neck. Alice was on her back with her hands on the kunoichi's face, digging her nails into her skin. Rinnosuke, on the other hand, was dizzy from the brief ride. Both of the girls stared at him awkwardly. "Yea, what is it?" Chie said, sneaking a sucker punch on Alice's forehead.

"Can't you see that we're busy right now," said Alice, breaking Chie's skin with her nails.

"Ow! You're dead meat, blondie!" Chie swore.

"Not if I can help it!" Alice declared, slapping Chie.

"Hey, knock it of, the both of you!" Hsiao yelled, snatching his partner off of Alice. "For crying out loud, Chie! You were supposed to rob this place, not jumping on random girls!" He glanced over at Alice. "No offense, babe. You're quite a looker."

Alice rose to her feet and brushed the dust off from her now tattered dress. "None taken." She gave Chie an unquestionable glare of animosity. "Just be sure that you keep that pugnacious beast's temper in check. You wouldn't want her to get seriously injured… or worse."

Chie pushed Hsiao aside in anger. "Hey, who you're calling a beast, you idiot?"

The Seven-Colored Puppeteer smirked at her angry adversary. "Shanghai… Hourai…" she uttered, summoning her doll familiars at her side.

Chie was not impressed. "Ha! You think that suppose to scare – meEEEEEEK!" A pair of lithe but powerful arms suddenly locked around her head and neck after a large bird swooped by.

"We meet again, my ghoulish friend," Kasen greeted, giving Chie a spider squeeze from behind. Her right leg was locked around Chie's right thigh and her left leg was locked around the waist. "Hold still, now. We wouldn't want you to suffocate too soon."

Hsiao stared at the woman that was latched onto his partner in wonder. "Who in the heck is this?"

Kasen glared at Hsiao. "How rude! You should ask a lady for her name yourself."

"It's her," Chie gagged out. "Ugh… the hermit… I was telling you about."

"It appears that I'm getting popular among you guys." Kasen commented, asphyxiating Chie.

"Watch out!" Alice alerted, causing the rose senin to reactively disengage her choke hold on the young hanyou. A pair of shuriken was embedded into the trunk of a nearby tree. It if weren't for Alice's warning, Kasen would have felt their sting.

Kasen hopped to Alice's side. "Thanks a lot. I owe you one."

"No worries," replied Alice.

"Are you okay, Chie?" Hsiao asked, keeping his eyes on the gorgeous hermit. He was not sure that the woman before him is the very hermit that he heard about from his comrades. If anything, the pink-haired knockout appeared harmless, nurturing even. To him, Kasen looked as though she would be defenseless against an angry housecat. The pink-haired knockout wasn't even a conventional fighter! She was dressed in a brown blouse with a long rose-patterned panel the draped passed her waist, a green skirt, and a pair of black pedal-pushers adorning her shapely legs. The senin didn't look like much (combat-wise) but Hsiao knew better than to underestimate her because of her appearance. His teacher taught him that lesson a long time ago.

"Gaaauuu!" Chie was on her knees, inhaling air like a fiend. She will never again take oxygen for granted. "I'm okay… I'm okay."

Kasen gazed at the white-haired youkai. "Are you the one who's behind this incident?"

Hsiao smirked. The senin isn't a loli. Sano would admire her a lot. "You could say that…" he replied somewhat truthfully. "…but what is it to you?"

"It's nothing but a mere nuisance to me," Kasen shrugged, earning a snort from Alice because of the face Hsiao made. "I'm a woman of vast patience and a pacifist, but I'll make this request only once: cease all the crimes you've committed and return everything that has been stolen to the fair people of this realm."

"Or face the consequences," Alice added.

"Tch! Just who in the heck do you think you are, you titty-monster?" Chie grouched, quite possibly catching a case of breast envy because of how Kasen's blouse accentuated her impressive bosom. Thing is, because of her fury, Chie failed to notice that the senin isn't top heavy.

Kasen's eyebrows became checkmarks. "Titty-monster?"

"A slang term from the corrupted world beyond the border," Alice supplied. "It indicates a woman that is superiorly endowed in the chest area…" a slight frown marked her expression. "…sometimes unfairly so."

Kasen shook her head, making a note to not wear a snug shirt from now on. The shirt she was wearing right now was the only one that was neither stolen nor tattered. What choice does she have? "How crude…" she muttered, feeling a tad self-conscious for being so well-endowed.

"Not as crude as the beating you're about to get, you scary old lady!" Chie challenged. The next thing she knew, her hair was yanked and she was being slapped repeatedly.

SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK!

"KHAAAAAH! STOP IT ALREADY!" Chie cried.

"What did I told you about calling me that?" Kasen asked in an ominous voice, dangling Chie off her feet by her ponytail.

The fact that the hermit closed in on Chie in an instant shocked Hsiao. He stood stone-cold still with his eyes wide. The beautiful hermit assaulted his partner like a mongoose on a viper – ridiculously fast. His mind couldn't even comprehend it all. The pink-haired pacifist was standing mere yards away from them one moment, and the next she was beating Chie like she stolen from her (technically). Perhaps the most frightening aspect about it, Hsiao didn't even see her move a muscle. W-what…?

SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK!

"Hsiao! Help me, you idiot!" Chie sobbed.

"You will learn to respect me, you uncouth child!" Kasen swore in that ominous tone again.

"Uh – HEY!" Hsiao shouted, free from his stupor. He snatched Kasen by the back of her shirt and harshly judo-slammed her. After he slammed the hermit, he was pushed aside by an angry pink-faced Chie. "Chie! What the hell! ?"

"Eiii!" Chie war-cried, delivering an elbow drop on her pink-haired nemesis' chest.

"Oowf!" Kasen grunted, balling up in pain.

"Take that, you crazy old hag! You'll rue the day that – ARGH!" Chie's taunt was interrupted by Alice tackling her like a defensive lineman. Both the puppeteer and kunoichi rolled into a tree with a painful-sounding THUNK. Both girls were laid out unconscious with their heads sporting a large lump each and their derrieres up.

"Damn-it, Chie! You need to cool it – UGH!" Hsiao's rebuttal was cut short because of four arrows being lodged into his back. He whipped a glare at Shanghai and Hourai, the source of his pain. Both of the dolls returned his glare, their weapons at ready. "Tch! You two are going to wish that you were never purchased from the toy store!"

"Psst! Hey you!" Kasen called out, gaining the youkai's attention. He turned around in annoyance, only to be met with a boot to the face. She managed to knock him to a tree (trees are deadly).

WOP!

"Guh!" Hsiao grunted, slumped against the bark. However, Kasen didn't relent. She charged at him and delivered a solid punch to his abdomen, making the tree crack in the process. The youkai coughed up blood. "Bitch… you… you're no ordinary hermit…"

"Humph…" Kasen remarked with narrowed eyes. That insult prompted her to deliver another mighty blow to the midsection. "My name is Kasen Ibaraki," she introduced and proceeded to give him many more punches to the gut. Her blows eventually became piston fast in her fury and several birds, monkeys, a fairy, and a cat abandoned the tree because of her shattering attacks (causing the tree to quake). After thirty blurry fists to her adversary, Kasen gave him one final punch… which caused the tree to fall.

CRASH!

Hsiao collapsed against the remaining stump, out cold.

Kasen eased off her guard after dispatching the dangerous youkai. Oh no. I've lost my temper, she lamented. I can't believe that I let their petty words get the best of me. That means that I have to train harder. I must learn to become indifferent to harsh words. She gazed over at Rinnosuke, whom was still out of it near his front door. Then she glanced over at the unconscious bodies of Alice and her newfound rival, Chie. A monkey was hop-scotching on their raised butts. Shanghai and Hourai were trying to wake up their master. I have to get her out of here. "Alice…" she called out, intent on coming to the puppeteer's aid. But…

SLISH!

Kasen gasped at the wet sound, along with a searing pain coursing in her back. "Ugh!"

"Psst…" came Hsiao's now raspy voice.

SHRRRIP!

"YAAAAAH!" The pain torn through her chest and a bloody blade erected out of Kasen's chest just below her breasts. "You… hoodlum…!" she cried with tears glossing her eyes. She turned around and attempted a retaliatory attack but she was met with Hsiao's backhand. She corkscrewed in midair before hitting the ground.

"Now look what we have here," Hsiao grinned sinisterly as he sat on his downed opponent's back. "We have one helluva mountain hermit that managed to best Chie and five of my men. That has never happened before. You're just as formidable as they say."

"Bastard…" Kasen managed to grunt out from the immense pain. For her to label someone by means of profanity then that must mean she truly despise that person.

"Nah ah ah…" Hsiao admonished, cupping Kasen's right breast. "None of that, now. What, you were going to say that what I did was unfair? Don't even think about giving me that bullshit! You surprised me with a surprise tactic and beaten the living crap outta me while I was helpless against the tree! All's fair in love and war, fool!"

"You…" Kasen rasped through unbearable pain. Then, something unexpected happened…

He kissed her on the back of her head.

"I have to admit, you're really beautiful." Hsiao commented with his voice on the brink of insanity. "Usually I prefer younger, smaller girls but I'll make you an exception. Maybe Sano's right for preferring non-lolis." He leaned forward and twisted the blade that was still embedded in his adversary's back. An idea suddenly occurred to him. "I know! Let's heat things up!" He declared and pulled the blade out of her back. Then he grabbed her shoulders and turned her over to face him. "That's better! Now I can see your pretty face!"

"What are you doing?" Kasen gasped, noticing the hungry look in his eyes. Her blood from her wound was turning her blouse black.

"This," Hsiao promptly sat on her flat stomach and sank in for a kiss in the mouth – tongue and all!

Kasen was shocked. "Hmm!"

CHOMP!

The white-haired youkai recoiled horribly in pain while clutching his mouth. "AAAAAUUUUUUUWWR!"

Kasen spat out the taste of his tongue in utmost disgust. He robbed her of her first kiss! That FIEND! He's not going to get away with this!

Unfortunately, Hsiao grabbed her face (the Iron Claw) and forced her back on the ground. "You bit my tongue! Just for that, I'm going to – RRAAAH!" Four more arrows met his back. He turned his heated glare on the culprits: Shanghai and Hourai. "How did I managed to forget about the TWO OF YOU! ?"

The Dolls of Misery glared back at him, ready to inflict more pain.

"Oh, you want a piece of me, you little plastic dipshits! ?" Hsiao raged, only to get hit once again by a scorching ball of flame. The surprise attack knocked him off of the wounded Kasen.

"Where is she…" a dangerous voice grounded out.

"What?" Hsiao moaned from the ground, severely weakened.

"I'm not going to ask you again. Where IS SHE?" The voice repeated with baleful emphasis.

Kasen gazed at her savior. "Moukou…"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Hsiao lied, earning a menacing flare from the immortal.

"Lie to me one more time and I swear that I'll roast you with a fire so hot, that even the flames of the place I'm about to send you to won't even compare!" Moukou threatened. "Now answer my question: WHERE'S KEINE! ?"

Moukou's threat was very real. She had no qualms about murdering someone, considering her history with combating youkai and an everlasting moon princess. Killing a sadistic, perverted youkai ninja wouldn't even be a weight on her conscience. Hsiao heard about this woman from his fellow ninja… and he can see his life flash before his eyes. The assault from Kasen and the fireball from the immortal had weakened him immensely. With her mood, if she hit him with another fireball then it would be all over. He had no chance of survival but then again he refused to reveal the location of the ninja's hideout. "Bitch… like hell I'll tell you…"

"Don't move a muscle!" A convalesced Chie demanded, holding the still unconscious Alice hostage. She held a dagger to the puppeteer's jugular. "Make one move and I swear that I will lop this chick's head off!"

Shanghai and Hourai gasped. And Moukou cursed her luck when she realized the spunky kunoichi wasn't bullshitting. "Got-damn it!"

"Alice…" Kasen uttered worriedly. She would try her nifty trick of cloaking her right hand inside the panel of her blouse to snatch Chie's weapon, but it was too risky. The kunoichi's weapon was breaking the puppeteer's skin and Kasen was sure that Chie would notice a bandaged hand floating beside her. Alice would be dead before the hermit would have the chance to take Chie's dagger.

"Let's get out of here, Hsiao." Chie beckoned.

The white-haired youkai could hardly believe his luck. "Oh da lally – golly what a day!" He laughed, crawling towards his lithe partner in crime. He allowed Chie to help him to his feet and held him. "It turned out to be a good day after all!"

Kasen glared at them with unbridled anger. "You won't get away with this. We will find you…"

"Fucking right," Moukou added.

"Oh, don't you worry. We will find you instead." Chie retorted cryptically. "We know who you are now. And by the looks of things, you won't be able to be of help to Gensokyou."

Kasen narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"She means that this place is as good as screwed now that Reimu's out of the picture!" Hsiao revealed. "With your heroine gone, you're going to see a lot more of us!"

Moukou gritted her teeth. "You're going to regret this."

Kasen remained speechless. She chose not to say anything right now.

"Ha! That's what they all say," Hsiao remarked. "Let's see can you resolve this incident without the help of that girl and your precious Spell Cards!"

"Fufufu… Sayonara losers!" Chie laughed, throwing Alice on the ground and vanished from the scene along with Hsiao. "This isn't over, hermit! I'll beat that ass next time!"

After the antagonists left the scene the dolls went over to Alice's aid and Moukou cussed. "This is some bullshit."

"Agreed…" Kasen commented.

"Damn," Moukou helped the hermit off the ground. "You're all banged up. I know that you're a senin and all, but are you going to be okay?"

Kasen help a hand to her bloody wound. "No…" she nodded sadly. "This pain is unbearable. I've allowed myself to sink down to their level and paid the price. In my anger, I made myself vulnerable."

"Tch. If they made you angry then at least it's the righteous kind of anger." Moukou remarked, not blaming the hermit. "I'm sure they deserved it."

The super mortal hung her head in shame. "You don't understand…"

The immortal scoffed. "What is there to understand? They NEED to have their asses kicked! I'll say, give them every last bit of anger that you have!"

"Moukou… I've allowed my emotions to stray my path of a senin," Kasen explained. "That is bad for me. In a sense, those two have defeated me."

"Pain is nothing but weakness leaving the body. You're only human," said Moukou before frowning. "You… are a human, right?"

"It doesn't matter. I've failed." Kasen looked as though she wanted to cry. Her wound was slowly healing but it still hurts. "Ugh."

"Listen, this isn't the time for you to feel sorry for yourself." Moukou admonished. "Gensokyou is in a shit load of trouble with all ninja running around like it's mating season in the African Serengeti. And what's worse: Keine has been kidnapped… along with Reimu."

Kasen gasped. "Can this day get any worse?"

Moukou hefted Rinnosuke off the ground. "I'm counting on it. It'll only get worse before things get better."

HAKUREI SHRINE

"Reimu-san!" Sanae cried as she approached the dingy establishment. "Hello! REIMU-SAAAN!"

The godling noticed that the front door was hallway open. And knowing Reimu, she never left the door open while she's gone. She was usually doing her routine yard-sweeping during this time of day. Maybe the older girl was inside making a meal or sipping tea. Sanae entered the shrine and realized how eerily quiet it was once she was inside. Even if Reimu wasn't home, someone else was. It was usually Suika drunk out of her ass, Genji on one of his random visits, or one of the Mischievous Fairies scheming some kinda prank. Something about this scenario wasn't right to her. "Hello? Anyone home"

Silence was her answer.

She entered the den and noticed something very unusual about it. Instead of empty drinking mugs and half-eaten bowls of food, Reimu's red-white mikogi was on the table. Sanae inspected it and noticed how wrinkly it was. "That's odd… did Reimu-san forget her robe? She usually keeps it pressed and neat. What gives?" She held the robe against her body and blushed. The older girl is two sizes smaller. " By Kanako's grace! Just how on earth does she maintain her slender figure? And she eats twice as much as I do!"

And then…

"Hehehehehehe…" a girl's high-pitched laughter echoed.

Sanae dropped the red-white uniform, alarmed. She sensed youki – a youkai's presence. "Suika-san…" she called out cautiously. "…is that you?"

No reply. That was just plain creepy. Sanae stepped into the kitchen and received a shock: several dishes, cups, pots, and kettles were strewn shambolically across the room. It looked as though it was hit by an angry Hina. "This isn't good. What on earth happened here?"

The eerie laughter resounded again. "Hehehehehe…"

The voice was coming from outside the shrine. The godling returned outside the shrine, searching frantically for the source of the mirth. "Luna-san…" Sanae tried. "Sunny-san… Star-san?" It was worth a shot but Sanae deducted that it couldn't be any of the mischievous fairies. Their pranks aren't messy. The mortal goddess gathered an inkling of what happened and she grew a tad scared. She certainly hoped that it weren't the ninjas that she heard about yesterday.

"Chi-chi-chi-chi… ha ha ha ha…"

Sanae brandished her trusty gohei. "Show yourself!"

"Chi-chi-chi-chi… Ha! Ha! HA! HA!"

"Kogasa!" Sanae cried out. "That better not be you! Because if it is, I swear to my grandmother that I will be merciless while exterminating you!"

She saw a blur zipped past her with the corner of her eyes. "Chichichichichii!"

Just as Sanae was about to pursue the culprit, a hand clamped over her mouth. Reacting fearfully, Sanae gave the hand a good bite.

CHOMP!

"Shit!" The masked assailant yelled while holding his bleeding hand.

Realizing that the assailant was a (bona fide) ninja, Sanae about-faced and fled in terror. "YAAAAH!"

"Don't let her get away!" A voice commanded and three more ninja appeared. One came down from a tree he was hidden in, another crashed through the shrine's entrance to give chase, and the third one scaled down from the tori gate of the shrine. Sanae was immediately surrounded by them.

"Stay back," Sanae commanded, trembling. "I don't want to hurt any of you!" She mentally cursed herself. All three of them were youkai and she didn't even sense their presence. But… who was it that she sensed when she first arrived at the shrine. "You're messing with a mortal god!"

"That's all the more reason for us to kidnap you, usa~," a voice commented – the very same one that was doing the creepy ambience just now.

"Wait a minute, that voice sounds familiar," said Sanae. She gasped when she heard heavy footsteps and saw a hulking man in red approaching her from the shrine's stairs. The monster stopped directly in front of the godling, intimidating her. He was a huge man with fiery spikey hair, a brutal face, and no pupils in his eyes. He stood over seven feet tall (213cm) and weighed over four hundred pounds. He wore very large deep red dogi and he had a huge gut – all muscles. This man towered over even Toru and he was pretty huge himself. A flame motif adorned his both his left pant leg.

Sanae was morbidly terrified now. She only reached up to his belly-button. "Eh… nice weather we're having, huh?" Sanae questioned sheepishly.

"Look down here," the voice instructed and Sanae did so. "Don't mind Betelgeuse, usa. He's… kinda brain-dead."

"Hey…" Betelgeuse drawled with steam emitting from his mouth. "That was mean." He sounds exactly like Big Dog from the cartoon '2 Stupid Dogs'.

"Tewi?" Sanae wondered in confusion. She was shocked to see the infamous youkai hare in a pin-striped ninja dogi. Her attention was so fixated on the giant ninja that she didn't notice Tewi. "What is the meaning of this? Are you behind what's been going on in the village?"

"Well… technically yes, usa." Tewi replied. "But I'm not the one behind all the home robberies and kidnappings. I'm just directing these guys to steal women's underwear as instructed. You wouldn't believe how much those rich guys from the outside world would pay for a pair of garters!"

"Hmm…" Sanae considered (she knew a few girls from school that actually did bid their drawers for money). "I'll pass. But if you're behind all the panty thefts, I have no doubt that you've stolen from your friends at Eientei."

"Well… Kaguya and Reisen, actually," Tewi admitted. "But what the heck are they're going to do once they realize their panties are gone, huh? Suspect me? Pfft! I'm the Hare of Inaba, usa! What are the chances of me being victim to such misfortune?"

EIENTEI

Reisen warily approached the door to her master's lab and knocked on it. She hate to be a bother to Eirin but she had confirm something. After a brief moment of door-knocking, she heard Eirin. "Who is it?"

"Udonge," Reisen replied.

After a few footsteps, the Lunarian Knockout opened the door. She was surprised to see her subordinate in light-blue sleeveless shirt and an ultra short microskirt. "Reisen, how can I help you?"

Reisen blushed and tugged down her skirt. "Did you wash my clothes today? I'm… missing a few threads…"

"Wait. I thought Kaguya washed some of our clothes yesterday." Eirin answered. "I also got her to clean the halls and help me make dinner but I thought she returned your clothes to you after she was done with them."

"Yes, she handed me back my threads, but…" Reisen lowered her voice to a whisper. "Now I'm missing most of my clothes and all of my underwear."

"Seriously?" Eirin wondered, which explains why Reisen seem embarrassed by something. "You don't have any of your underwear in your room?"

Reisen nodded. "No."

Eirin gazed at the scenery of the Bamboo Forest just behind Reisen. She has an odd habit of doing that when she's contemplative. She too was missing an article of clothing. She had been searching for her favorite pair of violet panties all day. But something was odd about all this. Kaguya usually doesn't lose clothes nor get them mixed up among the residence of Eietei. Reisen's concerns confirmed that something was amiss. "Kaguya!"

The most beautiful girl in Touhou canon poked her head out a door from down the hall. "Yes? What is it? Make it quick because I'm about to play Tekken Tag Tournament 2 online again."

Eirin planted her hands on her wide hips. "Have you been washing clothes again today?"

"No, I've washed everyone's clothes yesterday," Kaguya answered, noticing Reisen. A coquettish grin suddenly marked her face. "Ooh! Hello nurse!"

Reisen blushed again, fighting her barely there skirt from riding up her hips again. "Please don't look at me like that," she requested.

Eirin cut to the chase. "Kaguya, have you seen our panties?"

"Can't say that I have because I gave them back to the both of you," Kaguya replied as she approached her Lunarian companions.

"Are you wearing any?"

"No."

"Have you seen Tewi?"

"No."

"Ooh!" Reisen shrieked with wide eyes. "I haven't seen her either! She must be the reason why our clothes are missing! It must be her!"

"Tewi…" Eirin muttered.

Kaguya had a blasé expression. "Can I go back to my game now?"

"How can you think about a game while we have an underwear thief among us?" Reisen whined, still struggling over the fight for decency with her microskirt. Suddenly, a strong gale of wind breezed through Eietei and it caused Reisen's skirt to flip. "AAIIIIIEEEE!"

Both Eirin and Kaguya caught a glimpse of heaven just now. They were standing still with emotionless faces but their noses trickled blood. "Oh… my goodness…" Kaguya murmured. "Did I died just now?"

"It seems that way…" Eirin sputtered and fell to the floor like a tree along with Kaguya. A huge pool of blood was forming beneath their unconscious bodies.

Chibi Seiga arrived on the scene and fell on her knees, giving the three-count. After her hand slapped the floor thrice, a bell sounded.

DING-DING-DING!

"REISEN WINS!" A grim, disembodied voice announced. "SEXUALITY!"

Udonge began sobbing, embarrassed by this entire scenario. Hina Kagiyama was hidden among the bamboo directly in front of Eietei. She clicked her tongue and nodded sadly. "So unfortunate…"

BACK AT HAKUREI'S

"Eyup…" said Tewi. "They won't expect a thing, usa. Eirin will only blame Reisen again, anyway. She's a klutz and I'm not worried about a thing."

Sanae's left eye began twitching sporadically. "Wow… with friends like you who needs enemies?"

"Enough, tubby-tits, it's time we get down to business!" Tewi declared. "Betelgeuse, hit her with a Hyper Combo!"

"Rodger," the giant replied, kneeling on one knee and cupping his hands around his mouth. He spewed flames at the poor miko like a medieval dragon.

Sanae raised her gohei and erected a wind shield to guard against Betelgeuse's breath. Holy Kanako! This monster has an extremely bad case of halitosis! Her entire body began sweating and she gritted her teeth in frustration. I can't keep this shield up much longer! I must find a way to counter this behemoth somehow!

"Burn baby, burn~! Burn baby, burn~!" Tewi sang, dancing to a tune in her head. "Usa usa usa! Make her ass go pic'chun! Usa usa usa! Make her ass go BOOM! Usa…" she noticed someone went wrong and stopped singing. "Ooooh shit… usa…"

The three minion ninja were laid out, unconscious. Betelgeuse was grunting in agony because of a dozen knives in his back. "Uhh! Who did that?"

Sanae slowly opened her eyes and noticed that two people have joined her in the confrontation. To her left stood Youmu Konpaku whom was glaring daggers at the giant with her katana drawn. To Sanae's left stood the lithe Sakuya Izayoi… who seem annoyed for some reason. "Ah! Thank you guys for saving me! You really got me out of a pickle!"

"Now if only you would stop talking and focus on the fight." Sakuya commented harshly.

Sanae gave the older girl the puppy eyes. "Auu! That was mean, Sakuya-san!"

"Now's not the time for bickering!" Youmu admonished, the Roukanken gleaming ominously in her grasp. "You both can resume your argument once we're done here!"

Tewi made a troll-face. "Is that right?" With a snap of her finger a gang of ninja appeared in the yard, poised for battle. "Let's raise the difficulty up a notch, usa."

"Okay girls! Let's show em what we got!" Sanae encouraged… and pushed aside by Sakuya. "Hey!"

Sakuya smiled as her silver eyes became red. Several knives appeared in her hands. "Challenge accepted – beginning mission!"

ELSEWHERE

"Ugh…" groggily moaned Reimu as she stirred awake in a futon that wasn't hers. She sat up and yawned, sensing a slight pain in her head. She scratched her flat stomach and folded her legs as she tried to remember when she fell asleep. I could have sworn that I was raking leaves outside the shrine just now. Hmm… I remember a yamabushi visiting a shrine with… a donation. The miko suddenly gasped with wide eyes when realization hit her. Wait! My donation box was stolen! So that means that yamabushi that came over today wasn't a yamabushi! That could only mean… Reimu took in her surroundings and discovered that she was in a small prison cell. "D'oh!"

The heroine was now the damsel in distress.

Damn it, I let my guard down. Reimu thought as she stood up on her feet. A nearby mirror revealed to her that she was not in her mikogi, instead she was wearing only her red camisole and a pair of white fem-boxers. She deducted that her captor had removed her clothes. She gazed towards the face of the cell which was grilled with bamboo bars. Reimu approached the bars and touched them while figuring a way how to escape. Okay, reinforced bamboo… they're sturdy but they're not impossible to break. An idea surfaced in her mind. I know! I'll use that trick that Kasen taught me. Here goes nothing. Reimu closed her eyes and held two of the bars tightly. Focus Hakurei… you can do it, girl. Just… allow my qi to surge towards my arms… Reimu concentrated, allowing her arms to relax while keeping a firm grip on the bars. Then with a sudden mental push, she gained enough strength to break them.

SNAP!

"Who's there?" Someone in a neighboring cell shouted after hearing the sound.

Reimu squeezed her way out of the cell and was shocked to see a familiar face in the next cell. "Keine?"

The hanyou gasped at the unexpected sight of Gensokyou's heroine. "Reimu? They've managed to kidnap you too?"

"So that's what happened…" Reimu said, noticing the bars of the hanyou's cell were made of iron. "Keine, what's going on?" Her eyes suddenly surveyed the white dress the were-hakutaku was in. "And why are you wearing a pure white dress?"

"Who knows where my outfit is right now," said Keine as she got up and approached the bars. Not surprisingly, the dress was low-cut and showed her curves. The hem of the dress was tattered, making the teacher look like some sorta sacrifice for some pagan god. "The better question is, how in the world did you escape your cell?"

"The bars of my cell were made of bamboo." Reimu answered before frowning. "And couldn't they have found a bigger dress for you? Damn it, your assets are about to burst!"

Keine blushed. "Reimu, you're embarrassing me." Deep down, she wished she had a physique like Reimu's. The girl can eat an entire bakery and not gain a pound. Meanwhile, she can eat a bagel and it is suddenly difficult for her to fit her backside in her favorite dress. Reimu was divinely favored.

Reimu's voice brought her out of her envious thoughts. "Where are we anyway?"

"As far as I can tell, we're in the ninja's hideout," replied Keine. "As for our exact location, I don't know. We could be in the outside world or in Hell for all we know."

"No, we're still in Gensokyou." Reimu confirmed. "I can sense the Hakurei Barrier. As for Hell…" her face took on a look of fear. "…I certainly hope not. Don't tell me that the pain I'm feeling in my head is that from a fatal blow."

"Well, my head isn't hurting." Keine said. "And I don't have any wounds on me. So I guess that we're still alive."

Reimu sighed. "What a relief!"

Suddenly, something far in the distance was suddenly heard.

FWOOOM!

"Someone's coming!" Keine gasped. "Reimu, go find someplace to hide!"

"Umm!" Reimu nodded and rushed back into her cell. She stood near the corner of the cell's entrance, laying in wait like a predator. Faint footsteps down the hall gradually grew louder as someone approached the cell. Her palms grew sweaty and her heartbeat accelerated as adrenaline coursed through her. She waited… and waited… inhibited by survival instinct.

An unarmed ninja appeared in her peripheral view. "Hey! What the – ACK!" The minion was suddenly apprehended in a choke hold.

"You got a key?" Reimu growled.

"N-no," the ninja gagged.

"Wrong answer!" Reimu remarked, jabbing both her middle and index finger to his jugular. The ninja went limp and Reimu let him fall to the floor. She knelt by the minion and searched his person for anything useful. He had nothing. "Darn it."

"You!" A female shouted suddenly, charging inside the cell to confront Reimu. She was armed with a pair of tonfas. Reimu blocked and evaded all of her strikes and quickly dispatched her by jabbing her fingers at the kunoichi's large breasts (under the areolae). She fell unconscious after a goofy giggle.

THUD!

Reimu smirked. Sometimes, it was not always neat for a woman to have big breasts. Reimu used the very same technique on Sanae one night while she was coming on to her while drunk. Kasen was one heck of a teacher when it comes down to unarmed combat. She procured the kunoichi's tonfas and left the cell. "Keine, neither of them had a key!"

"Don't worry about me! Just get out of here!" Keine urged.

"Look!" Someone shouted from down the hall. "We got a stowaway!"

Two men charged at Reimu with their weapons drawn. She blocked the first man's staff with both her tonfas and kicked him in his crotch. The she smashed the top of his head while he was doubled over in pain. The second ninja charged at Reimu with a slash of his sword but Reimu evaded around him with a ducking sidestep. While he was open for attack, Reimu struck his temple and continued her assault by striking his shoulder blades, back, and kidneys in rapid succession. She finished him off by hitting him on the back of his head with the tonfa, causing him to shudder violently (seizure) before he hit the floor. That was too easy! Who knew that non-danmaku combat would be this much fun?

As if to answer her thoughts, a melodious voice spoke. "That wasn't bad, Priestess of Paradise. I can see why this realm considers you its savior."

Reimu stared down the hall and a crowd of ninja staring back at her. They parted like the Red Sea as a cloaked figure stepped forward to reveal herself to Reimu. The mystery woman's entire face was hidden in a hood and it was impossible to see her eyes (unlike the other ninja). The only thing that Reimu can make out about this person was the long white hair peeking from underneath the hood. "I take it that you're the culprit behind all this."

"On the contrary, your dear friend, Yukari Yakumo is behind all of this." The woman revealed. "This is all just her way of welcoming my people into this fantastic land of mysticism."

"What?" Keine said in disbelief. "So she is responsible for all of this chaos!"

"Got-damn that hag," Reimu cursed. "Why would she do something like this?"

The mystery woman nodded. "That… I do not know. That woman is incomprehensible. However, I shall reveal a bit about myself for the good job you've done against my guards. You have my respect, Hakurei."

"So you're the leader of this clan?" Reimu surmised.

"You are correct. I am the soke of this clan – a grandmaster, if you will," she revealed, bowing courteously. "Yuria Yamanoi… at your service."

"If you are the grandmaster then you seriously need to teach your minions how to fight." Reimu taunted.

"Oh? I'm well aware that some of my students are not as diligent as others in their training, but you would be a fool to take them for granted." Yuria said. "But let it be known, Hakurei… your victory over my guards was a fluke. They're genin sent to test you."

"I take it that you want to try your luck against me then?" Reimu challenged, twirling the twin tonfas.

"For someone that prevailed over super-youkai and even gods, you're understandably overconfident," the soke remarked, calmly taking a stance. "Yet… surely you know that there comes a time when even a mighty champion will fall. This battle will only last a few seconds but you're more than welcomed to exert all of your energy in such a short amount of time."

Reimu charged, meeting the new adversary head on.

"REIMU!" Keine shrieked.

KASEN'S DOJO

Seiga phased through a wall and found her rival gazing at the waterfall from the den. She noticed that the younger hermit's midsection was covered in gauze… which was a bit soaked in blood. Besides that, the only article of clothing Kasen had on was her green skirt. "Oh dear. What happened to you?"

Kasen suddenly stood. "Go away."

Curiosity got the best of the jasen. "You're injured."

"I'll heal," sharply remarked the rose hermit.

Seiga sensed the bad vibes from Kasen. It was very unlikely for her to catch an attitude with someone. In fact, Kasen has never been so ornery in her entire life. It was something about Kasen's current behavior that rubbed her the wrong way. This is not the Kasen that she knew. "What's wrong with you? You're acting as though I gave you that injury."

Kasen didn't reply. She walked out the den and propped on the railing instead.

"Well… you're certainly in a bad mood today." Seiga commented, following the pink-haired hermit. "Hey," she tried to get a look at Kasen's face but she turned away. "Hey!" She whipped in the opposite directing as she tried to look at her face again. Kasen turned away once again. "HEY! Enough of this nonsense! That's petty, Ibaraki! You are not being very hermit-like, you know!"

Seiga received a slap to the face. "Shut up!" Kasen yelled furiously.

This shocked the jasen. "Why did you – ooh!" Seiga caught Kasen's left hand as she attempted to slap her again. "Kasen! What on earth…" she caught the hermit's thrown right fist and held it by the wrist. The most shocking thing about this development was how Kasen was glaring at her with pure hatred in her eyes. Seiga struggled to maintain a hold of her rival's arms. "What's gotten into you! ?"

"Let. Me. Go!" Kasen growled.

"Not until you calm yourself down!" Seiga retorted, worried for her safety. "By the knowledge of Laozi, you're behaving as though you're possessed by an evil spirit! Get a hold of yourself!"

Kasen gasped and immediately calmed at the irony. Her arms went limp and a despondent expression claimed her face. "Seiga… I… I…"

Seiga slapped her, knocking her to the floor.

WAP!

"Ugh!" She grunted as she fell to her side. She raised a hand to the stinging sensation on her face.

"Ibaraki, please forgive me for striking you all of sudden…" Seiga reached out to help Kasen back to her feet but the younger hermit gazed at her with a tear-streaked face. "You're crying…"

"I've failed, Seiga." Kasen sniffed, her voice thick with sadness. "I can no longer call myself a senin…"

Seiga knelt before Kasen in concern. "What are you talking about?"

"I give up, Seiga. What happened today has made it painfully clear that I no longer have what it takes to be a senin." Kasen revealed, leaning her head onto Seiga's shoulder. "Please… allow this pitiful woman a shoulder to cry on. I have failed myself. And I have failed Reimu for now she's nowhere to be found."

Seiga complied; wrapping her arms around Kasen like a mother would to her child. "Shh… it's okay. I'm here for you." She reassured before looking at nothing in particular in confusion. What the hell, author? What kind of evil have you put this girl through? Giving her a hard time is MY JOB!

Kasen sobbed quietly into Seiga's blouse. "Thank you…"

The jasen closed her eyes and patted her rival on her back. "Relax… you're overcoming an adversity right now. Let all that pain leave your mind, body, and spirit." That's right! No one picks on my Ibaraki! And someone owes me a new blouse.

TO BE CONCLUDED…

And that would be it for now. I hafta flesh out a 'Stage 5' and a 'Final Stage' type character. Look on the bright side; at least we got a glimpse of the final boss. Unfortunately, I've only have her name and occupation laid out so far. I haven't even gotten to what type of being she is, let alone her origins. There's going to be a lot of fighting ahead, dude.

And yes, Reimu's 'escape' was inspired by Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon (the last guy she beat up). I couldn't help it.

As for Kasen's emotional breakdown, she's upset because she 'lost' to Chie and Hsiao's name-calling. As you can see it is unwise to refer to her as an 'old lady' or a b-word. Unfortunately, because of that, Kasen lost her cool and sank down to their level. To a hermit, epithets and negativity don't exist to him/her. For Kasen to react so profusely to such things indicates that she failed in being a hermit, bringing shame. That made her very vulnerable to Hsiao's sneak attack.

I hate Hsiao. Best believe he will get his. After all, I've already written Yuuka into this story…

Finally, I give special thanks to Achariyth1 for taking the time to pre-read this damn thing. He has the patience of a saint.

Until next time!