Mishaps Of The Eastern Wonderland

by Captain Vulcan

Lots of crazy stuff can happen in the realm of Gensokyou. Latest featured tale: The Great Shinobi Incident - Part I. A mysterious sect of ninja is putting the people of Gensokyou on edge. And if that isn't bad enough, Reimu has been kidnapped. Kasen has her work cut out before her.

7. The Great Shinobi Incident Part I

Fanfic blockbuster ahead!

MISHAPS OF THE EASTERN WONDERLAND

7th Tale

The Great Shinobi Mishap

Part I - Conundrum

A nightmare became reality. The once peaceful ambience of the Hakurei Shrine was now the scene of a brutal massacre. Battered and broken bodies had littered the holy grounds in a matter of minutes. The current appearance of the shrine can unnerve even the most stoic war veteran. What could be the cause of this misfortune?

One man knew. He found out the hard way.

The wounded warrior limp his escape down the shrine's stairwell. He has various cuts on his body and half of his eyesight was gone. Every step he took was excruciating but he cannot allow the tremendous pain to overwhelm him. He must escape the shrine at all cost. His very life and well-being depended on it. To him, it was now a fight for survival.

Those demons, he thought frantically. I must… tell the master about them!

The entire unit he was a part of fell victim to demons – two beautiful silver-haired monsters. The carcasses of his comrades were all over the place. They rue the moment they've met them. It was immensely easy to underestimate their pretty faces and fair bodies, but the same couldn't be said about their skills in warfare. The unit's foolhardy judgment of the demons proved fatal. Most of them didn't even see the gleams of their blades before they were cut down!

He knew life wasn't fair but what happened at the shrine just now was ridiculous! There were only two of them, for the god's sake! Two demons against a brigade of thirty highly-trained warriors! The outcome of today's encounter was absurd.

The one-eyed warrior made it to the bottom of the stairs with hopes of a successful escape filling his being. He will inform his master all about the beautiful demons. They will pay! His master shall wrest vengeance on them with her renowned fists! She will smite these demons without mercy!

"Going somewhere?" A dulcet voice sang from outta nowhere. "You're not getting off the hook that easily."

His hope was replaced with horror. One of the demons was pursuing him. "N-no! Stay away!" He cried, futilely unsheathing his katana.

The demon chuckled. It was a smooth, alluring sound. "What's the matter? What happened to all of that bravado you had when you had the green-blue miko on the ropes?" She appeared right before the escaping assailant in an instant. "Tell me."

The thug backed away from the lithe monster in the pinstriped maid uniform. His mask failed to hide the fearful look in his good eye. "I'm not afraid of you," he cried. "YOU DON'T SCARE ME, SILVER DEVIL!"

Sakuya whistled. She earned an epithet during the brief battle. "Silver Devil, is it? That's quite the moniker you hoodlums have given me. It has a nice ring to it." The Perfect Maid gave him a brief glimpse of her thick thighs as she fetched a knife from her garter. Her look of amusement vanished as she gave him a cold glare. "Know this; I am not a devil. That label is only appropriate to my Mistress whom you stolen from."

The ninja grunted. "Damn you…"

"Oi, Sakuya!" A voice shouted from the top of the stairs. It was the other silver-haired demon. "Stop messing around! Dispatch him already!"

Sakuya nodded. "Of course, Youmu…"

During the maid's distraction, the wounded man suddenly charged. "YAAH!"

Sakuya parried his blade with her knife and gave him a snap-kick to the belly. He fell against a stone lantern, panting in pain. "You dare try to attack me in your condition? You've made a very bad decision. I pity you." Sakuya admonished.

"I… can't… afford…" the man coughed, leaning his pained body against the lamp for support. "… to lose."

"Sakuya, he's a youkai!" Youmu informed impatiently. "Put him out of his misery! We've other things to do!"

"Right…" Sakuya nodded again before facing the mewling coward. "Times are hard. Please forgive me."

"W-wait!"

SLISH!

The once-proud warrior lay motionless against the lamp with a slit across his throat. Sakuya shook the blood off her knife and placed it back in her garter. "Mission accomplished."

Then, she heard a thunderous sound. A huge figure was tumbling down the stairs.

"UUUWHHHOOOOOAAAA!"

Sakuya cartwheeled out of harm's way just before the screaming giant could collide into her. Betelgeuse hit the bottom of the stairwell with a booming thud. Sakuya inspected the olive-skinned giant and found two sets of boot prints on his enormous stomach. "What in Mistress' name just happened up there?"

Sanae appeared beside Youmu and gave her a high-five. "Nice one, Youmu-san! That's what I call teamwork! That Houkuto No Ken reject didn't stand a chance!"

"Oi, just warn me the next time you want to knock a four hundred pound giant down the stairs!" Sakuya chided. "I've could have been flattened!"

"Relax. You manipulate time, remember? Dodging him shouldn't be a problem for you at all." Sanae quipped… before Sakuya grabbed her shoulder from behind. The cool surface of a knife was pressed against her neck. "I'll shut up now…"

"Good girl," Sakuya remarked coolly. "Sanae, let it be known that even though we're working together on this incident, we are not friends. Never was – never will be… Your well-being is of no concern to me. In fact, I would rather for it to be you who's missing instead of Reimu."

Sanae sweated bullets. "Eh-heh… can we all just get along?"

"Now that we dealt with these guys… who is going to clean up this mess?" Youmu wondered, gazing at the unconscious bodies spotted throughout the shrine.

Sakuya frowned. "Just because I'm a maid doesn't mean that I will clean up every mess I see."

"That was cold." Youmu retorted. The maid was noticeably agitated today. "At least we should honor the shrine by cleaning up this place."

"Gah-ha! Just leave it to me!" A high-pitched voice announced. "I'll clean up this joint while Reimu's away! I just want her to let me live here rent-free as repayment!"

Sanae gazed at the disgustingly cute girl whom was sitting on the roof. "Suika!"

"Hiii~, bubbly-boobs!" Suika greeted and took a swig out of her sake gourd. "Stuff's being goin' down in the village lately! People are being robbed by a bunch of masked gangstas!"

"That is precisely why we're on this case." Sakuya retorted. "And just so you know, Reimu isn't 'away', she's been kidnapped."

The little oni on the roof gasped. "What!? You're kidding', Sakuya! You gotta be kidding' me!"

"I'm afraid not," Sakuya nodded her head sadly.

"To think that they've kidnap Reimu and gotten away with it…" Youmu mused. "That is an affront to the very being of Gensokyou. The people that we're dealing with are daring."

"You're telling me!" Suika hollered. "They're just begging for a butt-whooping!"

"Guys, what about Tewi?" Sanae reminded. "There's no sign of her."

Sakuya narrowed her eyes. "She escaped."

She was suddenly hit upside the head with a flying skillet.

GAN!

"Ugh!"

Sanae gasped as Sakuya fell face-first on the floor. "Where that come from?"

Youmu resumed her guard with her eyes shifting all over the place. "Who's there!?"

A grappling hook shot forth from a nearby tree and snagged Sakuya's time-watch. "I'll take that!"

Sanae recognized the voice. "Tewi!"

The Hare of Inaba appeared on a branch, flipping the watch in her hand. "That's my name – don't wear it out."

Sakuya hopped off the ground with a growl. She turned to the youkai hare with a heinous glare. "You give that back, you pest!"

"And let you hax-own us again? Heck to the no, toots!" Tewi flippantly remarked. "I'm just assuring that another group won't have to go through the hell that this one just did."

Sanae whipped her visage at the half-ghost. "Youmu! Do your thing!"

"Right!" Youmu said and shot at the mischievous youkai with incredible speed.

"Hmm… I wonder what this button for?" Tewi wondered as she pressed the button on the top of the watch. She looked up from the watch and gasped in shock. Youmu's blade was mere centimeters from her head. The silver-haired gardener was suspended in mid-air during 'The World'. "Man, that was a close call! I've could of been rabbit stew just now, usa!" An idea occurred in her mind. "I know!" She put the watch in her pocket and proceeded to pull down Youmu's skirt around her ankles. A pair of skin-tight black spats was there for the entire world to see. "Hehehehe! Nice butt, Ghostie!" She laughed and made her escape.

The flow of time resumed around the shrine and Youmu felt a draft on her lower body. After she noticed that her tights were in plain sight she screamed. "Aiiiiieee!" She landed back on the ground while blushing in embarrassment.

Sanae sighed. "Better luck next time, I guess…"

"Damn, that little rabbit got away. And she has my watch out of all things - unacceptable." Sakuya cursed, hiding a trickle of blood that was on her nose.

Suika wolf-whistled. "Hey, bubble-butt!"

"Argh! Shut up, Suika!" Youmu cried. "Don't say such embarrassing things!"

ELSEWHERE

Reimu slowly stirred awake to a blurry face hovering above her. "Ugh… Mama…?"

"Reimu…" said the woman.

The red-white miko raised her head from a pillow, grunting as she did so. There was a tingling pain on her head and midsection. "What's going on?" Reimu asked as she rubbed her temples. "And why am I in pain? Did something happen to me, Mama?"

"Reimu…" the woman echoed.

The brunette rubbed her eyes. "You have any painkillers on you, Mama?"

"Reimu," the voice said with a hint of annoyance. "I am not your mother. It's me, Keine."

Confusion claimed the younger woman's features. Maybe it had something to do with the matronly figure she could make out in her hazy vision. "Huh?"

"That Yuria woman hit you harder than I thought," the hanyou commented.

"Yuria?" Reimu wondered and gathered an inkling of what happened. She fisted her palm after the memory occurred to her. "Oh! The youkai that I confronted earlier… What happened to her?"

Keine looked away. "She won the skirmish, Reimu."

"Oh…"

"But… the power of your spirit took her by surprise." Keine explained. "She was surprised that you've managed to hit her even without Spell Cards."

Reimu stretch on the bed and scratched her bare shoulder. "I've managed to do that a master ninja? Where is she now…?"

Keine shook her head. "I haven't the foggiest idea. All I know is that this fortress is hers'."

The Hakurei Miko lowered her head in thought. Somehow, Yuria knew about her and the Spell Card System. The soke was obviously well-informed. Now that she thought about it, Reimu began to know why…

"On the contrary, your dear friend, Yukari Yakumo is behind all of this." Yuria mentioned earlier.

Reimu pouted cutely and bit her lip. "Got-damn it, Yukari!"

"Agreed…" Keine acquiesced as she sat seiza-style on the floor near the bed. "She is more trouble than she's worth, sometimes."

The younger woman turned on the bed and allowed her feet to touch the floor. "Tell me about it," hummed Reimu. The next time I see Yukari – so help me, gods, I'm gonna stick the Ying-Yang orbs so far up-

"And Reimu…" Keine spoke with a slight tone of disapproval. "Don't sit there with your legs spread like that. It's unladylike."

"Eh?" Reimu looked down and blushed in embarrassment. She forgot that she was wearing only a camisole and a pair of girlie boxers (said pair of boxers was bunched on her upper thighs). She immediately closed her parted legs. "Whoops! Sorry about that…"

"Happens to the best of us…" Keine remarked mysteriously.

Did I just hear her right just now? Reimu thought. "Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"Hmm…!" Keine responded without looking at the miko. She was now staring at the visitor outside their cell.

"So… these are the defenders of Gensokyou, huh?" A deep, nonchalant voice said. "One that protects the village and the other that defends the entire place…"

Reimu glared at the manly visitor. "What is it to you?"

"Nothing really, kiddo…" Sano grunted as he scratched his nose. "Let it be known that the abducting of you two was not a random act. I guess this place has gotten hit where it hurts – seeing that you're the sentries and all."

"You… know a lot about us," Keine gauged carefully. He was staring at her. And the thing is, it wasn't a lecherous stare she usually receives from the young men in the village. This was rare.

"Seriously," huffed Reimu. "And what's up with that weird hair? It looks like a weapon, for goodness' sakes!"

"Tch!" Sano scoffed, stroking his pompadour. "Don't you start, kid! Nobody talks about the hair, okay?"

"You look like a muscle-bound E-erik…" Reimu struggled to recall a person Yukari often used to talk about. It was the name of some legendary musician… or actor. "Erik Pretzel!"

"No, no, no…" Keine nodded her head. "I think you meant Jichael Mackson, Reimu."

"Wait – it's Pelvis Teasley, Keine!"

"No, I think it's… Mob Barley?"

Sano arched his brows in amusement. That gap youkai was right; the people of Gensokyou were very ignorant of the outside world. Maybe it is for the best. "Ladies…"

"Barry Black," said Keine.

"2Pops Décor!"

"Uh, girls…" Sano deadpanned.

"Felton Jon!"

"Sharley Cheen, perhaps?"

"HEY!" Sano roared, his patience worn out by the ridiculous banter between the two heroines. Identifying prolific entertainers… is it really worth that much trouble in such an archaic world? "Cut it out, already!"

Both heroines were hugged together in apprehension after the ninja's outburst. "Yes sir!"

Sano was shocked to see such a reaction from them. "Whoa! That was weird."

Reimu suddenly shot towards the bars, glaring at Sano. "You're darn tooting it was!" She remarked, growling at him while gripping the bars like a longtime convict. "You better be glad that these things are made of steel, big man! Otherwise – I'll whoop your keister, myself!"

"Oh yea!?" Sano challenged, disbelieving the audacity of the loli that dared to get up in his face.

"Yea!" Reimu snarled. "Lighting doesn't strike twice in the same place, anvil-head!"

"What did I told you about joshin' on the do, kid!?"

Keine sighed and tried to mentally drown out their angry voices. Good grief! What has gotten into them all of a sudden? They're acting like a married couple.

MYOUREN TEMPLE – Byakuren Hijiri's room

Byakuren's heart-rate was frantic. Sweat dampened her palms and forehead. Something happened during her bath with Murasa and Kyouko in the hot springs earlier. Something sinister… The abbess searched every inch of her room: dressers, closet, clothes hamper, and even beneath her scrolls. If she wasn't mistaken, a great injustice had befallen the temple while she was cleansing her voluptuous body.

"Where are they?" She wondered in a panicked tone. The poor woman was dressed in only a bath towel, outer dress, and cape. She sat the said clothes besides the springs before she bathed. "I'm sure that I've washed my clothes yesterday."

She paced across her room towards a tall mirror. Gazing at her visage, Hijiri knew that she couldn't be seen outside her quarters while indecent. The body towel and cape barely concealed her breasts and privates. And it seems like the towel couldn't hold out over her generous contours for long. The fabric was straining across her backside as she pouted.

There was someone outside her room door. "Sister Hijiri," called Ichirin.

The holy woman whipped her attention from the full mirror. "Y-yes?"

"May I enter?" The sweet long-time friend of the abbess said.

Hijiri flinched. "Ah –no, not right now, Ichirin. I'm changing right now."

There was a slight bout of silence. "Very well. Take your time. I'm almost done cooking lunch."

A pair of pink blush stickers appeared on Hijiri's cheeks as she made a strained smile. "Much appreciated, Ichirin. I will join you soon."

"Of course, Sister," the younger ex-human curtsied and made off down the hall. She wiped a smidge of blood off her nose. Anee-san's wonderful body… nude and bare! I should've peeped!

After hearing the nun's pitter-patter of her tiny feet fading down the hall, Hijiri sighed with relief. She had time. It was Nue's turn to wash clothes today. Maybe the lithe chimera accidently collected her underwear while on her way to wash them at the lake? That was the most likely scenario. But until then…

Hijiri slowly gazed at her desk. Underneath the study was a lone gift box. The abbess sighed and grabbed the box. It was a gift purchased for her from the village a few weeks ago. The nun had told her that it was in style among young women – especially during this warm time of year. Heaving another sigh, Hijiri opened the box. "Looks like I don't have a choice…"

Inside the box was a pair of lavender-colored boy shorts. Hijiri's cheeks glowed pink as she noted the risqué design of the fabric. She was well aware that it can get unbearably hot during the late summer but the garment she beheld was ridiculous! If… one could call it garment, that is.

With a huff, Hijiri reluctantly returned to her mirror and held the thin shorts against her broad hips. She just cannot believe that girls in the village wear these sorts of things! My gosh! And they consider walking around in underwear indecent! This is a chic fashion sense!?

The fabric brushed against the smooth skin of her upper thigh. It was soft – silky. The heavenly softness of the shorts beckoned her femininity and Byakuren was suddenly hit with an urge to try them on. Drowning out her self-consciousness, she removed the bath towel from her torso and stepped inside the garment. I guess it can't be that bad. Since it's considered fashion, after all…

Sliding the garment up her legs and securing them on her waist, Hijiri was surprised that it actually fits her. Sure, it felt a tad tight on her round derriere but it was nice. Hey, this isn't so bad after all…

She faced the mirror and gasped.

"SUFFERIN' SHANGHAI!"

How obscene these breeches were! All it covered was her pelvic area – like a pair of panties! She was a few thread lines away from being nude! The shorts may feel nice on her skin but every inch of her thighs were visible. She spun on her feet and observed how the fabric fitted her ass. "This won't do! THIS WON'T DO AT ALL!"

"Oi, Hijiri," said Nue, suddenly barging into the room. "Have you seen my – Whoa!"

"N-Nue!?" Hijiri stammered, wrapping her cape around her waist. "Don't you ever knock?"

The svelte beast pointed at the monk in disbelief. "Oh my gosh! You've decided to wear Ichirin's gift after all!"

After Nue's shocked announcement, said woman rushed into the room. The nun was literally glowing with excitement. "Oh my goodness, Hijiri! You like my present after all!"

The gradient-haired knockout gasped. The cape slipped from her left side, giving her friends quite a glimpse. "Ichirin, no! It's not what it looks like! I assure you!"

Nue whistled. "Hey, you have nothing to be ashamed about, Hijiri! Lemme help you out!" With a snap of her fingers, the nue casted a spell of non-identification on the abbess' cape, rendering it invisible. "There! That's much better!"

"NU-EH!" Hijiri whined.

Ichirin's nose exploded in a geyser of blood.

MYOUREN TEMPLE – Treetops

A lone figure in red heard the wails of Myouren Monastery. Shrieks of shock prevailed the usually peaceful holy grounds. During a seemingly calm day in the place that promoted the pretense of human-youkai coexistence, dastardly deeds were done. Myorenji was hit by the current crime wave that is happening in Gensokyou (as decidedly silly as it once was). The figure in the trees nodded its head and removed its mask.

Turns out, the figure was female. "So that's the infamous monastery I've been hearing about," she spoke as she preened her red hair. "This is really a strange place. I like it here."

Although she didn't involve herself in the shady crime of underwear theft, her curiosity did lead her here. After all, she had been hearing about this place among the Buddhists in her homeland. Under any other circumstances, she would be a member of the monastery herself. But alas, she was a mercenary – and an assassin. She wasn't here to make friends with the fellow Buddhists. Not today anyway, she decided. Someday, she will personally introduce herself to the revered youkai savior.

And have a sort of reunion with an old friend…

"The mission was a success, Rio-sama," a scouted ninja said, appearing on a neighboring branch in a crouch. "They don't have a clue of who robbed them."

"I see…" Rio replied slowly, gazing at her comrade. "I can hear that much. I still can't believe that Hsiao would send a group of you to plunder from holy grounds."

The masked agent rests a hand over his heart. "Captain's orders…"

"Your captain," Rio grounded out her reminder. "I'm just an old friend of his family. I arrived here out of my own curiosity."

The ninja hesitated. Rio was an experienced killer and rumors among their clan said that she's a more adept Shinobi than Hsiao. He must choose his words carefully. "A-ah… of course. But I'm here to report a message. It is a message from the grandmaster herself."

Eyebrows quirked, Rio said, "Oh? What Yuria wants to tell me?"

"The hermit that piques the grandmaster's curiosity… she defeated Master Chie," he revealed. Sudden laughter from the kunoichi took him by surprise. "Rio-sama?"

"I'm not surprised," said Rio. "That brat can't fight in the first place. Why would your crook of a grandmaster send that child to deal with the hermit in the first place?"

The ninja lower his head some more, seemingly embarrassed. "Haah… the hermit prevailed over Captain Hsiao as well."

Rio pursed her full lips. "Really? Now that is news to me. Maybe the hermit really is what Yuria thinks she is."

"Yuria-sama's still uncertain," he replied uncertainly. "She insists that you go after the hermit. She is your target now."

The dark-skinned kunoichi spotted a rattlesnake in a branch next to her. The serpent hissed a warning to her with a promise of a slow, painful death. Rio stared the reptile in the eyes and suddenly smiled. "I've been looking for you," she declared. She suddenly lashed her hand out and snatched the snake before it had a chance to react. And the next thing that happened, the kunoichi bit off its head. After devouring her quick meal, she regarded the minion again. "I always get my targets."

HUMAN VILLAGE – Interrogation Room

"So what's your story, dude?" Marisa demanded as she sat on a wooden chair across the brown-haired fugitive. "Tell me what's so great about being a ninja that steals panties from unsuspecting women, ze?"

"You forgot to mention antiques and other precious things." Nobu commented. He was hog-tied on a metal chair across the table. There was a bandage on his broken nose thanks to the punch Kotohime gave him last night. "You know what I'm sayin'?"

Marisa crossed her legs with unrestrained amusement. "A smartass, huh? You really want to do this the hard way, I see?" She brought out her hakkero and bounced it up and down on her hand. "We can play it that way."

"Calm down, Marisa." Meira said. "And please refrain from harming him. He's our lead after all."

"Where's Koji?" Nobu demanded, referring to his youkai companion.

"He's… unarmed." Marisa said, puffing with laughter.

"Save for missing an arm, he's fine." Meira replied calmly. "Now… talk. Tell us who you work for and where can we find your clan's base of operations."

"I'm no snitch," said Nobu defiantly. "You'll get nothing from me."

Meira propped her elbows on the small table. "For your information, we are very persuasive people."

The maskless ninja frowned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"He's good," Marisa grinned. "He kinda reminds me of myself during the time Meiling managed to capture me a few times at the Scarlet Devil Manor."

"And what does that have to do with this?" Meira questioned impatiently.

"Let's get Koa to come over here," Marisa suggested. "She may not look like it, but that girl can easily get her captives to spill the beans. This one time, she took off my drawers and-"

"Too much information," Meira gasped, blushing.

"That's hot…" Nobu droned.

"Anyway…" Meira rolled her eyes. "You're going to tell us everything we need to know before this day is over." A mosquito flew into the small stale room via a window. Meira caught it in her hand with whip-like speed. "You can count on it." She opens her palm and allowed the now dead insect to fall on the table.

"You seriously need to wash your hands after this." Marisa deadpanned, receiving a grunt of annoyance from the samurai-ko. "That little guy is loaded with bacteria just so you know."

"What, just because you caught a bloodsucker I supposed to be scared?" Nobu scoffed. "Get real, lady. I know someone that can catch a striking viper with her bare hands – and eat it."

"Well – I know someone who can blow up a planetoid in with a gesture." Marisa (partly) exaggerated. "She'll totally wreck your shit on a whim!"

"Ooh! I'm scared…" Nobu retorted, thinking back on an old lesson that interrogators may use intimidation to deter people. A warrior may boast that he is invincible or a nation may claim that is has weapons that are capable of destroying every last civilization on Earth. It is often untrue. Fear the warrior, not his/her reputation… his teacher always stressed. If you are wary of such reputations then the fear shall vanish. There will be nothing to fear. "You're a regular ole big bad mosquito killer. I'm VERY scared."

"You should be." Meira said, rising from her chair.

"Hit him with a Master Spark, then?" Marisa asked.

"That would be a little extreme. We don't need him to be shell-shocked, Marisa." Meira explained with a flip of her violet hair. "That would defeat the purpose of the interrogation."

"Well, that sucks, ze. What are we going to do then?" Marisa wondered. "Are we going to tickle-torture him? Or… how bout we rip off his fingernails from the center? That hurts like shit!"

"He'll talk," Meira approached the room door and looked back over her shoulders mysteriously. "Trust me. I know someone that'll make him squeal."

Nobu winced mockingly. "It's that bad, huh?"

The samurai-ko smiled darkly. "Unbelievably so…" She looked at the witch whom was childishly lolling her tongue out at the ninja thief.

"We're going to get Koakuma to get him to talk, aren't we?" Marisa wondered and gave Nobu a catty grin. "And trust me, dude – Koa can get to ya, ze! I truly doubt that your body is ready for what she is capable of. She'll have you speaking in Tongues! You're gonna need a towel before-"

"Stop fooling around and c'mon!"

"Okay – sheesh! I'm coming!" Marisa huffed and followed Meira out the room. After the duo left, the room suddenly went dark.

Nobu was not fazed by the sudden dramatization. "Oh… kay…?" The only light that was in the room was the light beaming from the window. "Is this supposed to unnerve me?"

"You scum…" an alto voice said, laced with focused fury.

"What?" Nobu said in confusion. He smells a sweet fragrance, likely perfume.

"You are a blight to my town," the mystery woman said. "I despise you."

The brown-haired foot soldier recognized the deep feminine voice. "Wait a minute! You're-"

The light suddenly revived in the small room. To Nobu's surprise, a tall woman wearing a jet-black kimono stood before him. He knew who it was but he wondered why the woman was wearing a pointed mask and cowl. "Don't speak until I tell you to speak!" The woman demanded, her cherry brown eyes narrowed in anger.

Nobu was at a lost for words. "What the hell?"

WAP!

He fell to the floor with the chair he was bound to. "Owf!"

"So you've been running around Gensokyou while committing various heinous crimes, huh?" The woman demanded, sitting the chair her captive was in upright. "You know crime doesn't pay!"

"That kinda explains why criminals steal things." Nobu dared to say. "And what's with the getup?"

"SHUT UP!"

SMACK!

Nobu's neck whipped painfully from the force of that right hook. "Ugh! Was that really necessary?"

"Where are they?" The masked woman demanded half audibly.

The fugitive narrowed his eyes. He didn't quite catch that. "What you say?"

"Don't play games with me, scumbag!" The woman grunted. "You don't mess around with Bat-Hime!"

Nobu didn't catch any of what the raspy-voiced woman said. The only thing he heard was the 'Bat-Hime' part. To him, it sounded like 'Dondropbombsoverbaghdad! Umakeamess Bat-Hime!' He hesitated for clarification. "Umm… excuse me?"

He received a punch in the face.

PAP!

"Tell me where they are! ?" Bat-Hime shouted. To Nobu: 'Gomuckupacar!'

"Listen, I don't understand what you're saying." Nobu reasoned. "Could you speak more cleary so I-"

"WHERE ARE THEY! ?" Bat-Hime raged, followed by an uppercut to the captive's chin.

BOP!

"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP HITTING ME! ?" Nobu cried, his eyes glassy. This is one hard-hitting bitch. "At this rate I'm not going to say a damn thing!"

The masked redhead smiled, and then she delivered another punch.

POW!

Nobu held his now bruised mouth, trembling. "Talk…" Bat-Hime requested.

"Why should I?"

Bat-Hime punched him to the floor once again. "I told you not the play games with me!" She yelled, picking him (with the chair) up high in the air. The combined weight of Nobu and the chair had to be significantly heavy and yet, Bat-Hime held him in the air like a ragdoll. "Don't you get on my bad side!"

"Put me down, woman!" Nobu screamed, emasculated by surprisingly strong woman.

"WHERE ARE THEY! ? TELL ME WHO YOU'RE WORKING FOR!"

"I said PUT ME DOWN!"

"WHERE! ARE! THEEEEY! ?"

"YOU CRAZY BITCH!"

"You rotten scumbag!" Bat-Hime tossed him towards the wall. Nobu grunted on impact before he fell to the floor. Then the redhead seized him by the collar while he was down. "I can't stand criminals like you!" The vigilante gave him a solid punch to the forehead.

VOK!

"Help me!" Nobu cried.

WHOMP!

BAP!

PA-KOW!

"I hate you! I hate-hate-hate-HATE you!" Bat-Hime delivered a barraged of furious punches to the downed captive. "You make me sick – SICK WITH ANGER!"

"Somebody help me! FOR THE LOVE OF KANAKO HELP MEEEE!" Nobu shrieked, getting his ass handed to him.

Bat-Hime was stomping him now. "Take that, you sonuvabitch! HORIAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"

The door suddenly flew open and Meira and Marisa returned into the room. The violet-haired samurai seized the vigilante by her arms while the blonde witch seized one of her legs. "H-hey, that's enough! You're being too rough on him!" Meira said.

"Yea, we can hear him crying outside!" Marisa seconded.

"Let go of me!" Bat-Hime demanded, trying to break free from the duo.

"Not until you cool down, Kotohime!" Meira replied as she struggled with the freakishly strong woman.

"And get rid of that ridiculous mask, ze!" Marisa hollered, being shaken like a wet washcloth. "Anyone with common sense will know that it's you in the first place!"

"Let me at him!" Bat-Hime, or rather, Kotohime hissed. It proved very difficult to restrain her while she's angry. "JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED!"

"You're letting your anger get the best of you, Koto!" Meira reasoned, straining to hold onto the redhead like a bull rider. The unusually robust woman was working her and Marisa both. At this rate, Kotohime may do more harm to them rather than Nobu. Weary of this nonsense, Meira sighed. "Ugh – you're not going to like this, but it must be done."

"What are you talking-"

Meira gave the redhead a hand-chop to the back of her neck.

"Uuu…" Kotohime fell limply on the floor, unconscious.

Marisa got off the floor and nodded her head. "This girl needs help."

"Tell me about it," Nobu squeaked, his trousers damp.

Meira glared at the cowering thief that dared to speak. "This isn't over."

KASEN'S DOJO

"You know, you're the last person I expect to break down in tears." Seiga said, knitting the hole in Kasen's blouse. "My goodness, you even caught me by surprise. They've must have done some terrible things to you."

"That's one way of looking at it." Kasen replied, sitting next to the jasen on the guardrails out her dojo. She had a sarashi (and bandages beneath her breasts) on her chest and her feet were bare. The sound of the waterfall was soothing. It helped remedied her sadness. "They were mean-spirited and I've sunk down to their level. I still can't believe that I fell to such… temptations."

Seiga bit her lip, repairing the rose ornament on the shirt's collar. "Humph! Ever heard the phrase 'do unto others as they do unto you'?"

"I have, but I still disgraced myself."

"Ugh! There you go again with that disgrace riffraff." Seiga scolded in an annoyed voice. "You're going to make yourself cry again, girl. How could you let something like that bother you? You've been crying for over an hour straight. And I don't mean to be blunt but you're going to drive yourself to tears again. I'll say those hoodlums deserved the punishment that they got."

"Seiga…" Kasen stared at the elder hermit in surprise. So far, the Chinese knockout was being very inspirational and supportive. And everything that she mentioned during Kasen's melancholy made sense – too much of it, in fact. This was a side of Seiga that she has never seen before. To witness such behavior from such a jaded woman was… refreshing. It's like being around a motherly woman. "I wonder about you sometimes…"

The jasen laid the fabric she was repairing on her lap and gave Kasen a sultry look. "Oh-ho… what is it, dearie? Tell me more."

Kasen blushed. "Not in the way you're thinking. What I mean is… I now understand that you're indeed a hermit, and yet, you're not. Usually you're dictatorial, serpentine, and mischievous – but today you're full of surprises."

Seiga pouted. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The younger ascetic swung her legs innocently, indulging in the cool dew from the waterfall. "Well… for starters, you've been hanging around my residence lately. Second, your words of encouragement come to me as a shock for I've never thought that you have a single bit of morale in your being. Yet, after what happened today, you've managed to dispel my sorrow."

"Of course, there's nothing wrong with letting your feelings out every once and a while." Seiga shrugged. "Besides, between us hermits, we are not so Spartan to the point of being emotionless. No no no… you couldn't be more wrong. Emotions are what make us, well, hermits. We may get angry sometimes. We may stray from the righteous path during hard times. One thing's for sure: it's all a lesson to be learned. We all make mistakes, sweetie."

Kasen laughed to herself at the irony of it all: she was being lectured. She and Seiga should talk together more often. "That's true."

"Undoubtedly so," Seiga nodded sagely. "You shouldn't fret during hard times. You should welcome it instead. Back when I was a child my father once said onto me that 'During the test, the teacher is always silent'. Whether you pass or fail the test, it is all a part of your self evaluation and personal growth. And as such, you will eventually discover your purpose in this world…"

The jasen's words fell on inattentive ears. Kasen understood what the older woman was saying. And frankly, she was thankful that Seiga was here for her and giving moral support. Now she can finally see one of the reasons how the ageless woman became a hermit in the first place: vast knowledge. Seiga was very wise from what her youthful appearance suggested. Of course, knowledge and longevity is to be expected from a hermit but Seiga was a (very) rare case. For starters, she was a hermit that has been living for over a millennium. Very few ascetics lived to see a couple centuries and that in itself is astonishing. But the jaded woman has been around for far longer. Seiga's permanency may very well be considered impressive among elder youkai and even gods. She is, essentially, a Chinese female version of Methuselah. Then again…

There's that 'wicked' reputation that she has, which is pretty befuddling when you think about it. The very circumstance of Seiga's hermit-hood remains questionable. Seiga, for the most part, is cunning, devious, and – well, bitchy. Anyone that has an inkling of what a hermit is would know that the three said flaws were taboo. It is unknown whether or not she recites sutras and it is apparent that she only helps other only when she sees fit. To put it simply, if she was to help somebody then she only do so if it is beneficial to her. It certainly seems that way. That likely explains why she was unable to achieve the highest honor a hermit can possibly obtain: becoming a Celestial. It's either Seiga's evil ways or her decision to decline her ascension. And make no mistake; she was a candidate for Celestial-hood for a very long time. Maybe her fate to remain in the mortal realm was her way of amusement? Or… maybe the Chinese knockout simply didn't care? Seiga Kaku, or rather, Qing' e Wu was divinely favored and yet, she said no to it all – figuratively, and literally.

The bitch was a living contradiction. It was a wonder that she isn't a wheezing, decrepit mass of brittle bones and hardened arteries by now.

"…and that, my dear, is the very philosophy of Taoism." Seiga finished her wordy lecture. "Maybe you should consider it one day, sweetie."

Kasen resumed her attention to her elder. "Ah – do tell."

"You weren't listening, were you?" Seiga said with a pout.

"Actually, yes…" Kasen replied (part) truthfully. "And I can't thank you enough for lending your knowledge to a weeping youth like me." She gave Seiga a cheesy grin.

The jasen finished knitting Kasen's shirt with a grunt and handed it to her. "Here…" She muttered with an attitude. "It's a wonder that I still help others."

"Why do you think that?" Kasen wondered, slipping her blouse back on.

"Wouldn't you like to know…?" Seiga remarked darkly, reaching her left hand towards the waterfall in front of them. The mist from the cool cascade condensed on her skin and gave it an airy blue color. A moment later, Seiga's arm reverted back to its original porcelain pigment. A slight smile of satisfaction marked her lips. "Umm-hmm… refreshing."

"Yes I would like to know," Kasen pressed.

In an eerie moment, Seiga gave the younger woman a very serious, if not, haunting expression. "Sometimes… I think this entire world deserves damnation – myself included." She said sadly. "Perhaps my remaining a hermit in this world is my way of penance. Maybe it is right for me to suffer in a hell of my own making. For all the wrong that I've done to others in my long existence… you could say I deserve the punishment."

"Now you're being hard on yourself." Kasen intercepted.

"I know," nodded the older hermit. "I reminisce on these things from time to time. For all I know everlasting peace is forever beyond my reach. It may very well be my ultimate lesson. All I can do is keep living and learning…"

Seiga laid the sadness of her existence bare before her nemesis. She earned Kasen's sympathy. "Seiga…"

"You know, I envy you." Seiga revealed as she hovered above the railing. "I admit, I don't know that much about you but I do know that you're everything that I am supposed to be. You're studious, diligent, and caring to others. Why – you're the very embodiment of the word hermit. I, on the other hand, am one by chance – a fluke."

Kasen suddenly stood on the rails. "That's not true and you know it."

"Thanks for your word of encouragement but I think otherwise. For many, many years I often convinced myself that I was right for what I did. I lie to myself that I was right for deceiving my parents, my relatives, and my so-called friends. I believed in that lie for so long that it eventually did become my truth, my reality. For so long I had no regrets… until today."

Kasen knew what Seiga meant. "My emotional breakdown…"

"Seeing you cry tugged my heartstrings, sweetie. It made me realize that you are indeed a proper hermit. You've done no wrong and yet you're guilt-ridden after you succumb to the level of your harshest adversaries. That is something that I should understand but I don't." Seiga absorbed more of the mist from the cataract. "I take it that it is something a 'proper' hermit should be concerned about. While you cried like a baby, I was hit by an epiphany. I realized that I am less than a hermit but at the same time, something more than that. The child chronicler from the village spoke on this but I dismissed it as the foolish prattlings of youth."

"You mean Akyuu No Hieda?" Kasen said. "Yes, she does exhibit… misplaced wisdom sometimes."

"Pfft! Misplaced wisdom," Seiga scoffed. "That child hit the nail on the head! She is the lone dhole that dared bit the crocodile's tail. That girl's analysis described me to a tee."

"Please remind me to check out that article." Kasen requested.

"You'll be surprised of what's written in it…" Seiga remarked mysteriously. "I've convinced myself to agree on what she wrote about me. I am indeed the jaded Taoist from Manchuria – Wu Qing e', the Wicked Hermit."

Something tells Kasen that Seiga wanted to get all of that off of her chest for a long time. Though, she can't say for sure that she understood the jasen's shaky history, she did had a little sympathy for her. Just a little… "Seiga, I'm certainly glad that we were about to talk like this today. I'm honored to have a chat with a fellow senin. It may seem weird… but I think I'm beginning to see you in a new light."

Qing e' grunted (bad habit). "And what that would be?"

"If this keeps up I'm going to have to start calling you 'Big Sister'." Kasen giggled.

"Hmm… that's rather nice of you." Qing e' noted before an annoyed look claimed her face. Looking to nowhere in particular, she said, "And would you please stop mentioning my name like that! I've said it once and now it is being abused already!"

"Awkward…" Kasen deadpanned.

"Yes indeed," Seiga huffed. "Now that's better."

"You're a real interesting character, Seiga." Kasen commented. "Unfortunately, as much as I like talking to you right now, all things must come to an end." She hopped off the rail and went inside her dojo. Seiga followed. "I still have an incident to resolve. And since Reimu has been kidnapped things have become a bit chancier than before."

This bit of news surprised Seiga. "Oh dear me! The Hakurei Miko has been kidnapped? This is a very unorthodox bunch we're dealing with! And to think that they would even attempt something so daring!"

Kasen fetched her skirt and slipped it over the leggings she had on. "Yep, that's the word from Moukou. Fortunately, a few ninja has been captured and they're likely being interrogated at the moment. I suppose I should be on my way to the human village then."

"I see…" Seiga shrugged. "I guess its back to reality for us, huh?"

The rose hermit turned to face Seiga. "Hey, what do you mean by that?"

"I'm sure you're well aware of what I meant." Seiga stated as she rested her hands on Kasen's shoulder. Surprisingly, the jasen was a tad taller than her 'proper' counterpart. "We may not get to talk like this ever again. From here on out we may as well be enemies again."

Kasen blushed. "Don't be so pessimistic. You're always welcomed here. You really helped me out today."

"Yes… my soaking-wet blouse is testament to that." Seiga quipped.

"Aww! You're complaining now? And I thought that you didn't mind lending your shoulder to cry on."

"True… and let's not forget our missed shoujou-ai opportunity that so many people are counting on." Seiga winked. "And I must say, that you're pretty attractive. What do I have to do to get a figure like yours?"

After an awkward moment, Kasen pushed the jasen away while giggling helplessly. "Oh Seiga, you're so crazy! I bet you say that to all the young women!"

The sprawled woman shrugged as a response. "I tried…" she got back on her feet and patted her butt. "Well, that's my cue to leave. Miyako worries when I'm gone for a long time. Last time I was gone she tried to eat Soga out of pure boredom. Bless her… well, she is only a soul."

"That, she is…" Kasen commented nonchalantly. "And come over and see me sometimes – only when you intend to be on your best behavior."

"I'll consider it. See you later." Seiga curtsied with a bow, phasing through the floor while doing so. Then her voice echoed throughout the dojo. "Oh dear… this kinda goes against canon a bit, but – whatever. Til next time."

Moments after the ghostly visitor made her leave, another visitor appeared. "Hey, I'd thought she'll never leave."

Kasen recognized the high-pitched voice and gazed at a specific window. "Good day, Komachi. What brings you here?"

The voluptuous shinigami propped her arms and bosom on the sill. "So you received a lecture from your fellow hermit. To be honest, I've never thought I see the day. There's a first time for everything."

"Well she has been living far longer than I have," Kasen reasoned slyly. "Perhaps the shinigami are to blame."

"Tch. She's beyond my prerogative. That woman is a handful." Komachi remarked after a yawn. "Her reputation among the shinigami is legendary. Of course, she may not look like it but she is extremely difficult to contend with. She even had a nickname before: The Repel Rebel."

"That's quite a history she has with you guys."

"Tell me about it. It's one of the reasons why she is known as the Wicked Hermit." Komachi nodded. Then a mischievous gleam appeared in her red eyes. "But enough about her, I came here to see you. I would like to speak on another surprise for today."

Kasen paused. "Komachi… don't tell me…"

The ferrywoman shed crocodile tears. "Uuu~! I'm so glad that you're here for me, Seiga!'" She impersonated, her voice lowered to sound like Kasen's. "You're like a big sister to me!'"

Kasen pointed at the laughing amazon accusingly. "Hey! That's not funny!"

"Hahahaha! Don't feel bad about it. What you did was very admirable!" Komachi chimed. "You could have seen the look on Shikieiki-sama's face! She thought you were totally adorable!"

The blush on the rose hermit's face brightened. "You're incorrigible! How dare you pick on a moment of weakness?"

"But that's the thing, you see," Komachi guffawed, wiping a mirthful tear from her eye. "It is because of your moment of weakness, you grew stronger. At least, that's what Eiki-sama said. There was a lesson to be learned from all of this. And you've passed with flying colors!"

Kasen gave her the skunk-eyes and duck-lips. "I suppose you're right."

Komachi learned forward with a leer. "Aww, don't give me that attitude. Even geniuses ask questions. Even hermits continuously discover answer to life's countless questions." She reached her hand and pinched the hermit's cheek. "That outburst of emotion worked wonders for you."

Kasen pushed the ferrywoman's hand away. "Knock it off. So I cried like a little girl – you're happy now?"

"You're a bit happier, that's for certain. I mean, c'mon – did it feel good when you gave that pretty boy ninja the retribution he deserved? Even in the slightest? Tell me that I'm wrong."

The pink haired super mortal gauged the amazon's words. Komachi made plenty of sense. She has as much intellect as she does curves. "Y-yes… that's a given." She admitted.

"That's karma." Komachi supplied.

"So the wrong that inflicted on others eventually came back to him…" Kasen spoke thoughtfully. "To match him in malice was something that he deserved."

"Exactly." Komachi winked. "You were right to get angry at him. It was simply all the bad vibes he gave off returning home to roost. It was no skin off your back. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you very much."

"At any rate, my visit today is a brief one. Just so you know, Shikieiki-sama's in a good mood because of you." Komachi revealed. "It's checkout time for me."

"Glad to hear it." Kasen nodded. "And give my regards to the staff at Higan."

Before Komachi turned to leave she said, "By the way, don't you have to get back to working on incident? Don't you have a couple ninja keisters to kick?"

"I was going to head to the Human Village but I was delayed by your sudden visit." Kasen giggled.

"Oh…" Komachi replied awkwardly. "Don't let me hold you up, then."

"Hmm-hmm, you're getting sleepy?"

Komachi yawned. "You know me too well."

And suddenly…

CRASH!

Kasen sighed. Her dojo fell victim to home-invasion once again. A dozen ninjas annexed the place via the windows and crashing through a wall. "You guys are really pushing your luck, aren't you?"

The hoodlums surrounded the girls with their weapons drawn. "It looks like they're fond of you." Komachi smiled, holding her scythe at the ready. "It's too bad for them that I'm here now."

Kasen wondered "What do you mean?"

A somewhat condescending smirk claimed the shinigami's lips. "It means that I'm the more attractive woman here – all eyes on me!"

"You're going to help me? Komachi, you're an odd friend."

"Oh, you never had a friend like me." Komachi remarked, before hoping out of harm's way. A mountain of a man crashed through the roof. The floor shook as he landed on it. "Well, that's one heck of a dynamic entry."

"My roof!" Kasen whined.

Komachi shrugged. "There's no need to cry over spilled milk, y'know."

Toru grunted and stood to his full height. He towered over Komachi in a menacing manner. Once he noticed the voluptuous redhead, he grew confused. "Wait a minute? I thought that there was only one person living here."

Komachi whistled. For her to meet someone that was taller than her was very rare. She reached his chest at full height. "That's big."

Kasen acknowledged the glaring size difference. "Tell me about it…"

"You're sisters or something?" Toru said, scratching his half-covered nose in befuddlement.

"Uh… no…" Kasen answered carefully.

Komachi expressed mock offense. "How could you make an assumption like that?" She raised her right hand over her left bosom and pouted. "We look nothing alike. I look way better than her!"

"Umm – Komachi, I think that's the least of his concerns." Kasen interrupted, noticing the impatient look in the giant's eyes.

"Attack!" Toru roared, prompting his colleagues into action.

NINJA CASTLE

A white-haired woman was immersed in the small book she in her study. The soft-cover manuscript she was reading proved fascinating! The various legends of Gensokyou were (somewhat) laid bare before her. Yukari Yakumo did mentioned that the book would prove to be excellent research material. Of course, she heard tales of Gensokyou over the years and yet, the information from the book was fresh. She would like to have a chat with the Child of Miare someday.

So Yukari is the co-creator of the Gensokyou Border… the woman thought curiously. With the help of the legendary Genso-Dragon, she has successfully created a haven for youkai. How altruistic of you, old friend. She averted her attention from the paperback and gazed at an old diagram of the human (and humanoid) body. The illustration indicated every last pressure-points and vulnerabilities throughout the body. A slight smile graced her full lips. Hmm-hmm… in a magical realm such as this, I have to wonder how long this chart will retain its usefulness. The art of combat that I'm used to for so long may very well become obsolete in this place. She allowed her burgundy kimono to slip down her shoulders and revealed a burn mark on the left side. Even without any proper training that Hakurei girl still proved formidable. Still… I have my concerns about the Spell Card System. Is it a tactical revolution? Or… is it organized despair?

A visitor tapped on her room door and she rests the book on the desk. "You may enter."

The snowy-haired woman was soft-spoken and eloquent. Though she does have a youthful, motherly appearance, her disposition speaks otherwise. She had several centuries of experience when it comes to combat. Hidden beneath that soft countenance of hers lies a long-sleeping demon. The youkai wasn't the conventional fighter. No one would ever suspect that she was one in the first place. To put it in simple terms, she looked like an ordinary village woman. She didn't look like someone one would avoid if you saw her walking down the street.

Perhaps…

Chie entered the candle-lit room and bowed before her. "Yuria-sensei…"

…that what made her so dangerous.

The soke patted the hanyou girl's shoulder. "Relax, Chie. There's no need for you to be so formal. I was only reading a book."

Chie straightened back to her full height, towering over her teacher a little. While the student was tall and lithe, the grandmaster was more shapely and defined. "I've met the red-white miko and the village scholar in the dungeon, but Sano was acting strange."

Yuria narrowed her violet eyes. "What do you mean?"

"He got into a fuss with the miko but then he gave the other woman a weird look." Chie revealed. "I mean, sure she's pretty and all but Sano was staring at her. I have never seen him look at a woman like that before."

The soke tilted her head in contemplation. "Hmm…"

"Don't worry. It was just my curiosity getting the best of me." Sano said as he appeared in the doorway, arms akimbo. "And Chie… aren't you the nasty tattletale."

"You were acting weird," Chie retorted. "And she even gave you eye-contact."

Sano grinned. "Hey, I have that effect on women, y'know."

"She had big boobs and your eyes never left her face." Chie testified, confirming something was off about her big cousin. "There's something definitely wrong with you."

"That hermit knocked you a little too hard," Sano combated.

"Hey! She surprised me, that's all!"

"Shiiiiiit… lightning struck the same place twice then."

"Keep talking, Sano!" Chie shook her fist challengingly. "I'm gonna rip that pompadour off your head! I don't care if you are stronger than me!"

Sano dared her. "You're welcomed to try, kiddo. You're going to wish you were facing that hermit."

The young kunoichi narrowed her eyes at the big guy, ready to pounce. So badly that she wanted to kick his ass like he owe her money! Yet, she knew better. Sano was Yuria's direct relative and one of her oldest students. "You're gonna get yours someday. What did Reimu called you? Oh yea – Anvil Head! Ha-ha!"

"Got-damn it, Chie!"

"That's enough out of both of you!" Yuria demanded. "You're blood relatives, for goodness' sake. You shouldn't bicker among yourselves like this! How many times do I have to tell you?"

Chie's mischievous expression vanished, replace with a more humble one. "Please forgive me, Sensei."

Sano rubbed his nose. "Yea… sorry about that, Yuuya."

"Now that's better." Yuria nodded. "By the way, where's Hsiao? I'd thought he be here by now."

Speak of the devil. He appeared right outside the room. "You rang?"

Yuria rolled her eyes at her white-haired disciple. "You're injured. I can tell by the sound of your voice."

"Feh. Well, someone did bit my tongue today." Hsiao remarked nonchalantly.

"How did that happen?" Yuria's brows were checkmarks.

Chie made a face. "He tried to rape that… woman."

"Holy crap, Hsiao!" Sano gazed at the younger male in disbelief. "You were trying to make out with that hermit? You're weird, dude." Are you that desperate to get your rocks off that badly? He mentally scolded.

"Hey, she's not an ordinary hermit." Hsiao commented, gesturing an hour-glass figure with his hands. "You should have seen her, man. That mountain-dweller's a knockout!" After a flash of silver, the edge of a blade was suddenly near his jugular. "Ah… my bad, Sensei."

Yuria pulled the blade away and sighed. "Foolishness, Hsiao… foolishness… Your philandering ways are going to be the death of you someday. You have no respect. I thought I taught you better than that."

Chie nodded her head. She shared her master's sentiments. "Tell me about it…"

"Oh-ho-ho… family bonding is so touching, isn't it?" Yukari cooed as a gap suddenly appeared in the room. She was dressed in her usual violet-colored body dress and white elbows gloves. Strangely enough, she didn't have on her mob cap. "Did I show up at a bad time?"

Yuria and her family gazed at the devil that was lounging on her gap. "Whether it is good or bad, time waits for no one, Yukari."

"Philosophical as always, Yuuya," Yukari shrugged. She then made the mistake of looking to her left – for there was a very creepy kongorikishi statue right beside her. "Aiiiiieee~!" She screamed, jumping back inside the gap.

The fact that a simple gargoyle-like statue frightened the Devil of Gensokyou like a child came as a surprise to them. That was strange. "Hmm…" Yuria smirked, fiddling with her long hair. "I take it that you're an evil spirit now?"

"That isn't funny!" Yukari reprimanded as she peeped out of the gap. "I didn't know you had one in here! Are you trying to scare a couple years off my life? I'm only seventeen, y'know? I still have a lot of living to do!"

The gap hag's statement piqued Chie's curiosity. "Wait a minute. You said that you're seventeen – did you mean to add two or three more digits to-" Someone (wisely) suddenly clamped a hand over her mouth. "HMM-MMMMPH!"

Sano grinned, he saved the protesting hanyou from completing her death wish. "Okay, that's enough outta you."

Yukari narrowed her eyes in annoyance. The little hanyou should know her place. "Agreed…"

Now that his benefactor – err, Yukari was here, Hsiao cut to the chase. "Yo, how did the auction go this morning? I'm confident that we've made another killing."

The youkai sage gave the handsome mad youkai a naughty smile. "Ooh, unbelievably so, my aesthetically alluring friend. The antiques sold pretty well as usual but when the skivvies were presented – oh de lally! Life savings were spent!" She sunk back into her gap and fished out a few bags of money, stacks of yen, and a large chest filled with cash.

THUD!

"Suffering Shanghai!" Chie and Sano chorused.

Hsiao flashed a winning smile and gave Yukari the thumbs-up. "Excellent!"

"That's only a forth of the money we made this morning," Yukari explained. "Remind me to give Tewi her share. After all, it was her idea in the first place."

"Our idea," Hsiao emphasized. "That little rabbit is the best business partner ever!"

Yuria sighed. Though she's the type of person that doesn't get involved with her students' livelihood, she resented Hsiao's risqué methods. While Sano and Chie were the typical working-civilians in the outside world (including Chie's college education), Hsiao always made profits out of drugs, murder, people's carnal desire, and various sorts of illegal trade. The bishonen youkai was trouble personified but he somehow avoided all forms of retribution. If he was burning in the deepest depths of Hell right now, he'll find a way out.

Houdini would envy this guy.

At least he's satisfied, Yuria mused. For now, anyway…

Yukari's flighty voice averted her musings. "So how do you like Gensokyou so far?"

"It's… nostalgic," Yuria admitted. "It's a little unorthodox with its magical nature but pleasantly nostalgic." She reached for a scroll on a nearby shelf. It was a gift from someone she knew many centuries ago. "But I have a feeling that the various texts of this place will replace most of these scrolls someday."

The soke opened the scroll and began skimming through it with unknown expression. Yukari assumed that it was a longing one. She sensed that the veteran kunoichi was (mentally and spiritually) struggling to adapt to this place. Nothing is permanent. Change is mandatory. Yuria may be wise but this new lesson is something that she needs to learn. "Hmm-hmm… I spy with my eye, an Iga scroll that you're reading." Yukari murmured. "Y'know, Yuuya, that's an historical parchment you're holding. I'm certain that the people that were at the auction would kill each other just to obtain a single volume you own."

"No, I'm not interested." Yuria forbade, causing the devil to pout. "These scrolls are precious to me, Yukari. The one I'm holding right now was handed to me by my first teacher. I assume that you now know how important this is to me."

Sano stepped forth and nodded. "Sorry. No deal."

Yukari crossed her legs and raised her fan to hover over her lips. "Very well. I respect your decision."

Hsiao shared Yukari's sentiment. He smelled big money, too. The written stuff that his mentor had in her inventory was beyond museum worthy. "I'll say, why not? I personally think that you should sell some of those scrolls."

Yuria whipped her visage at her ever bothersome disciple. Chie gasped. The young hanyou knew what's up. The scrolls were a touchy subject. "Excuse me?"

"You're sitting on a goldmine, Sensei. I'm sure that you read every last scroll countless times and I have no doubt that you've learned a lot from them. But… considering the age of those scrolls you can gain something besides knowledge: a fortune!"

"They're not for sale."

"Sensei, you gotta reconsider-"

"NOT FOR SALE!"

Hsiao sighed, defeated. He never did understand his master's impartiality to superficial things and worldly desires. "Yes, Sensei…" he uttered with a bow and left the room. He suddenly returned into the room and collected the chest Yukari presented. "I'll take this."

After the white-haired hooligan left, a conniving smile marked Yukari's lips. "Oh my, someone has a chip on his shoulder."

Chie rolled her dark eyes. "Yea, that's how he works. He's a real asshole, y'know."

"He'll be okay." Yuria commented and turned to regard her remaining students in the room. "As for you two, could you please excuse us? I would like to speak to our guest in private."

"That's cool," Sano replied in kind. He tugged on one of Chie's sleeves. "C'mon kiddo, let's get a move on."

Chie followed the big man out the room with a request on her mind. "Hey Sano…"

"Sup?"

"Let's head over to the Youkai Forest that I keep hearing about." Chie requested. "Because of yesterday's mission, I haven't had a chance to visit the place. Maybe I can catch a fairy there or something."

Sano shrugged. "That's fine with me. I have nothing else to do right now, anyway."

Once the students were out of earshot, Yukari said "So Yuuya, what's on your mind? You're consternating about something."

"It's that miko of yours," Yuria said after a brief silence. She slipped her kimono down her shoulder a bit and allowed the youkai sage to view the scald on her shoulder. "Abducting her was easy enough but when I tested her strength myself, she managed to surprise me."

"That's my Reimu for you," Yukari giggled. "It's a wonder how an untrained champion could be so formidable but make no mistake: the victories she earned weren't flukes."

Yuria clasped her hands behind her lower back and began pacing the room. "That is exactly why she's giving me pause, Yukari. She is very different from the Hakureis that I know of."

"Ah – of course, she's the current successor of the Hakurei lineage." Yukari folded her fan. "Not only that, she's the most powerful miko that the lineage has ever produced in years."

"Yes, they are a crafty bunch. That family is very adept in mysticism, Yukari. I even remember a few of them were fighters – admirable ones, at that." Yuria stated, recalling a couple memories. "Still, encountering Reimu was a pretty new experience for me."

Yukari opened her fan again. "She is… something else, I'll tell you that."

"I found out the hard way. Of course, it was easy to dispatch her in our brief encounter but Reimu made something clear to me: she can harm me – severely. If she was armed with a few Spell Cards during the skirmish, I wouldn't stand a chance against her."

"Everyone can be touched, old friend." Yukari remarked seriocomically. "Even Reimu. It's just that you had the advantage over her when it comes to traditional fighting."

"I'll say…" Yuria nodded, sitting on the floor in a meditative prose. "If she actually trained then the outcome would have been different."

"Ufufufu… the concept of training and Reimu doesn't mix, Yuuya. You're quite the comedian."

"I was not joking."

"Oh-ho, Reimu certainly earned a place in your resume of worthy opponents." Yukari found herself laughing aloud. "Speaking of opponents, remember the half-ghost ronin that challenged you many years ago?"

Yuria certainly remembered the person Yukari was referring to. Even though it was a long time ago she recalled the memory vividly. "That samurai…"

Yukari touched a nerve and she knew it. "I take it that you do remember him."

"Youki…" the soke uttered softly. She can't stand samurais. If it's one thing she didn't like about the ones she encountered, it was the air of conceit that they often had. Yuria never understood the misplaced condescension among them. Countless samurai warriors faced her in the past and they all fell like dominoes to her strength. But Youki… he was different. Her chest swelled for a moment and a long sigh escaped her. "We fought to a draw that day… but I suffered my first defeat by his hands."

Yukari watched the white-haired youkai carefully. "Hmm… so you're the 'frightening opponent' that he was talking about back then?"

"A frightening opponent, you say?" Yuria wondered, blushing. "Is that what he said about me?"

The devil grinned at the sheep. "You don't know Youki very well, do you? You left an impression on him, Yuuya. He even discouraged other people from challenging you. And he always said that it wasn't wise to get on your bad side."

This was news to Yuria. She had always known the legendary ronin to be stoic. "I would have never thought that he felt that way about me."

Yukari's grin obtained Cheshire Cat level. "And here's something else that you may not know about him: he has a granddaughter. And she's following in his footsteps."

"Youki made a family?" Yuria asked with wide eyes. That was a shocker!

Yukari gazed at her friend seriously. "You're actually surprised?"

THE HUMAN VILLAGE

Youmu chomped on the meat bun she just purchased. It was pretty nice to eat cooking other than her own every once in a while. The treat was savory, the spices stimulating her taste buds. It was a simple pleasure, really. And eating food from the village was one of the many joys of being away from the Netherworld. To Youmu, it was liberation. "Umm! This is good!" She said between chomps.

"Youmu, you're eating it as though you haven't eaten in days," Sakuya commented irritably. She was sitting across the half-ghost on a picnic table. Because her Lunar Dial has been stolen earlier, it was understandable that she was now in a bad mood. That damn Tewi made her day. "Besides, isn't that your fifth bun?"

Youmu nodded in the affirmative. "Umm-hmm!"

Sakuya rolled her eyes and propped her arms on the table. "At this rate you're going to be as plump as your mistress."

"I doubt that." Youmu remarked after finishing the bun, licking her fingers.

"The lemon-pepper seasoned buns are really tasty, aren't they?" Sanae grinned. She sat next to Youmu. She offered the silver-haired girl another one from a bag she was carrying. "Here Youmu, have another."

Youmu happily obliged. "Don't mind if I do!"

Sakuya rested her head on her arms, frustrated. There's a bunch of ninjas hiding somewhere in Gensokyou, for goodness' sakes! They've been in the village for almost two hours and they haven't gotten any leads whatsoever. Sanae and Youmu were making things worse. They were being way too laidback for Sakuya's comfort: joking around, (kindly) rejecting men that were flirting with them, and… feeding their faces. I'm being punished, aren't I?

"Meow."

"Huh?" Sakuya raised her head from her arms and noticed a tomcat resting on the bench beside her. It was the very same longhair fellow she saw yesterday. If she wasn't mistaken, it was one of Akyuu's pets. The maid's bad mood was dispelled by the furball and a gracious smile etched her lips. "Hi there, little guy. What brings you all the way from the mansion?"

The housecat mewed while looking at Sanae's groceries with curiosity.

"Food," Youmu said simply, popping another meat bun in her mouth.

Sanae unwrapped a package of cooked roast and offered the cat a portion. "Here you go. Eat up!"

And just when the pet was about to indulge in the treat, someone cried "There you are, Jojo!"

"I told you that he didn't run off too far, Akyuu," another voice said. "You worry too much."

"Rather safe than sorry, Minako," Akyuu retorted as she approached the picnic table. She sat next to Sakuya. "Hi guys. Thanks for finding Jojo. We were on our way to see Kotohime but he decided to get lost in the village for some reason."

"Actually, he came to us," said Sanae.

Jojo lazily curled into a ball on the table. "Meow…"

"I bet he was hungry." Minako said. She was a young woman with dark brown hair that was tied up in a bun. The brunette wore a white kimono with a black sash that was comfortably fastened around her small waist. Though Minako wore it neither tight nor loose, it wasn't hard to see her moderate figure. Violet azaleas patterns adorned the fabric of her dress but what stood out the most about her attire was a picture of chibi Akyuu that embroidered on the left breast. "He couldn't help himself, Akyuu. This part of the village is filled with the scent of good food."

Akyuu pouted. "But I just fed him an hour ago!"

Minako's wide brown eyes took on a mischievous look. "Yea… keep feeding him the same ole canned tuna and not expect him to get tired of it. If you say so."

The cute chronicler blushed at her folly. "Now's not the time for an argument, Minako!"

"Whatever you say, boss." The maidservant cooed with a wink of her long eyelashes. She sat down between Youmu and Sanae. "It's a good thing that Jojo ran into you guys."

Sakuya smiled despite herself. "Otherwise, he would have a new owner."

"You were planning to give him to Remilia?" Sanae wondered.

Sakuya nodded, a guffaw escaping her. "Oh no, this little guy was going to be my pet if it weren't for these young ladies showing up." She indicated at Akyuu and Minako.

So the maid was a cat person? Sanae didn't understand why some people find them fascinating. "Hmm… personally I prefer dogs. Because, you know, they're more loyal and stuff."

Both Akyuu and Sakuya glared at the godling. "You don't say?" Akyuu said dubiously.

"Well – yea…"

"I respect your opinion, Sanae." Sakuya deadpanned. "And that's about it." Obviously she hated dogs – for good reasons.

"Would you like to come along with us to Kotohime's place? She arrested two fugitives last night." Minako said. "It looks like she finally has a lead. Here's hoping that this crazy incident will soon come to an end. Goodness knows I missed my favorite miniskirt."

Akyuu took a wild guess. "Is it the one with my name in kanji on the waistband?"

The pretty servant expressed mock-surprise. "How do you know?"

Akyuu returned a flat gaze. "Mina… almost every piece of clothing you own has my name on it somewhere." Sanae and Youmu seemed visibly disturbed by this. Sakuya only shrugged. She understood where Minako's coming from. The Perfect Maid went through the very same phase for her Mistress before. "Your… devotion is a little extreme."

That's a lot more than mere devotion, Sanae and Youmu thought coincidentally. Sensing something odd about the moment, they both wondered "Did you say something?"

"Tee-he! Akyuu, you know I love you!" Minako guffawed seriocomically – sugarcoating her true feelings.

The young sage rolled her eyes. An overwhelming urge to smash Minako with a gold washtub was calling her. "Stop joking around!"

Sakuya resumed the subject. "Well, at the very least, we should be able to get to the bottom of things. It'll be a big relief if you ask me. I hate the sight of people living in fear." The maid shrugged, making the other girls realize that various people in the village were going about the place with a frenzied pace. She couldn't blame them, though. Since the incident began, the ninja assailants roused trouble at any moment. No one was safe – human and youkai.

"Ooh," Sanae cooed, noticing a specific man among the crowd of villagers. The guy she was checking out wore a wide-brimmed straw hat that hid his face but the godling's attention was on his sculpted arms and chest. "That guy is ripped!"

Youmu gazed at the cause of Sanae's delight and blushed. The man wore an open haori, which displayed his chest in plain view. A tall, pale-skinned pretty girl in a black kimono was walking along with the stranger. "Don't ogle too hard, Sanae. He's with a woman."

Sanae smiled mischievously. "Oh psshaw! I can persuade him to lose that gothic Lolita if I want to." She unfastened her blouse a bit, exposing a bit of her voluptuary pearls enticingly. "How much do you want to bet that he wouldn't look me in my eyes while I'm flirting with him?"

Akyuu's eyes glowed green at the miko's shamelessness. "Grr…"

"Wow! You two would be an item, y'know." Minako commented, impressed by Sanae's obscene mounds. "You can grind meat on that guy's chest and you can feed the needy with yours', Sanae."

"For the love of Remilia Scarlet, would you cover those things up?" Sakuya demanded, sharing Akyuu's sentiments. "Besides, haven't it occurred to you that he may be a ninja in disguise?"

Sanae reclaimed decency. "Why you say that?"

Sakuya rolled her eyes. "Woman's intuition… something you don't know anything about."

The Moriya miko pouted. "Aww…"

"And more to it…" Akyuu said, surveying the now suspicious man. "He's seems to be in better shape than the more muscular youkai hunters. He looks suspect alright."

"No kidding," Minako followed, checking out the girl traveling along with the suspect. "Look at the woman he's with. She looks pretty… athletic."

The child sage realized that her subordinate was 'checking' the said woman out. "You're being a pervert again, Minako. Stop looking at her too hard."

Minako smirked. "Hmm-hmm, is that so?"

"I'll follow them," suddenly said Youmu, earning questionable gazes from her friends.

"What for?" Sanae wondered.

The half-ghost was serious. "Sakuya is right to be suspicious of them. I'm going to keep my eyes on those two for a while. Grandfather used to say that among a large group of seemingly innocent people – half of them are troublemakers. Those two may or may not be innocent, but why take a chance like that?"

"Your grandfather is a wise man, Youmu." Sakuya replied in kind. "Be careful."

While the girls at the table were planning their strategy, there was a commotion near a pet shop. A huge mob of villagers had congregated in front of the place. "It looks like we're having a village meeting today." Minako stated. "I wonder what's all the hubbub about?"

Akyuu and the others rose from the table. "We're about to find out." Sakuya was the first to reach the congregation of townspeople. Youmu followed the maid closely, politely brushing between a long haired teenage girl and an elderly man. Sanae, Akyuu, and Minako hobbled among stubborn school kids (a fourteen year old boy earned a slap from Minako after he goosed Akyuu's rear). Ignoring the younger child, Akyuu sighed. She was among tall people and it was pretty difficult to observe the source of consternation. "I can't see."

"I can help you with that," Minako chirped through the horde of voices. She effortless lifted Akyuu above her head like a toddler, granting the sage's wish. The grape-head blushed in embarrassment but she couldn't complain.

"It's Meira and Marisa," Sanae observed.

Right there in front of the villagers were said witch and samurai girl. Meira stood on a crate and spoke to the citizens like a politician. "Please calm down, everyone! There is no need to worry about anymore home invasions! We have captured two of the criminals and they are being interrogated as we speak!"

"Two... Only two of them," a middle aged man said dubiously. "There's no telling how many of them there are!"

"All of my wall paintings have been stolen!" A bespectacled woman wined.

"Those sons of bitches took my antique clock," griped a bald old man.

"All of my panties are gone and going commando sucks!" An attractive young woman bemoaned.

"My girlfriend has been kidnapped!"

"They've stole my prescription drugs!"

"They robbed me!"

"The ninjas took my food cart!" Mystia sobbed. Wait, what?

"What are we going to do?"

"Even the youkai hunters can't touch these guys!"

"I'm glad that they got Miss Kamishirasawa! She gave me a head-butt for failing an exam the other day!"

"Ninjas are creepy!"

"WE DEMAND JUSTICE!"

"WAAAH! If I don't have my food cart then I have nothing else to live for!"

"Ehehen…"

"Where's the Red-White when we need her?"

"Okay, chill out everyone," Marisa urged, waving her arms frantically. "Don't fret, people! We're doing the best we can, ze! This incident is going to be resolved faster than you can say-"

"Have mercy on us all," a young woman's smooth voice discoursed. "Bless us during these adverse times, O Lord!"

The witch gained a skunk-eyed expression. "Yes… what she said…"

Sure enough, the beautiful redhead expressed her concerns. "I've heard from someone that Sister Reimu has been abducted. Is this true?" Professor Yumemi Okazaki said, trailed by two nuns and a blonde-haired sailor. "Our malefactors are daring."

And just like that, the villagers went into another panic after what Yumemi said.

"Whoa! Is this for real?"

"The Red-White's been kidnapped? Seriously!?"

"This cannot be true!"

"Ehehen…"

"WE'RE DOOMED!"

Marisa face-palmed in frustration, "God-damn it, Yume! You see what you've done?"

"Hey, you're saying His name in vain, sorceress!"

"Suffering Shanghai – it was just an expression!" Marisa rebutted.

"I tell her the very same thing," Chiyuri said in her androgynous voice (as said by many people in Gensokyou). True, the blonde was a girly girl (despite being flat-chested) but one would have extreme difficulty identifying the pitch of her voice. If anyone didn't knew any better, one would swear that she was a pubescent boy on the brink of puberty. "You would think that she would listen to reason – but, no."

"What are we going to do now that Reimu is missing?" A villager said.

Meira resumed being the voice of reason. "Don't worry, people. Rest assured, we will rescue Reimu and the others."

"Don't fear. Please understand that this is all a test of faith, people," Yumemi expounded, garnering the crowd's attention. "And you know what they say about tests: the teacher is always quiet during examinations. He will never impose you with something that you cannot handle." As the professor was making an effort to raise the village people's morale, it was sort of a surprise that she wasn't trying to convert anyone to Christianity today. Sometimes after her defeat a few years ago, Yumemi decided to dedicate herself to religious studies. After a long time of soul-searching, the young professor decided to become a Christian (of course, by some twist of fate, Yumemi discovered that her ancestors were Christians as well). "Everything will be alright."

"Yes, what she said…" Meira noted hesitantly.

"H-hey – don't drop me, Minako!" Akyuu cried all of a sudden.

"Jojo's clawing my ankle," Minako whined, shifting uncomfortably as the said cat toyed at her feet curiously.

Youmu kept her focus on the two suspects among the crowd. Thanks to her relatively short stature, the suspects didn't notice her spying on them. The half-ghost was right to be suspicious of the chiseled man and his beautiful evil-eyed companion. The lithe woman had naturally pouty lips and Youmu could tell the small smirk on them. The big man, however, remained unreadable. And it wasn't because of his wide-brimmed hat that hid his face. The leggy female tapped the man's arm, giggling at the sight of monkey harassing a stray dog. The swordswoman narrowed her eyes… they seemed a little too innocent.

"You're staring too hard," Sakuya whispered.

"They don't seem to notice."

"It's the girl, isn't it?" Sakuya wondered with a hint of mirth. "She is pretty cute, don't you think? From here, she looks as tall as Meiling but not as curvy."

Youmu blushed. "That's a little too much info on your personal thoughts, you know."

"You still plan to pursue them for a while?"

Youmu nodded. "Until I'm absolutely sure that they're innocent."

"Good luck, my friend." Sakuya nodded.

Then she heard a faint clicking noise at a distance.

CLICK!

The Perfect Maid had a pretty good guess of what – well, who it was. "Hmm…"

CLICK!

Sanae appeared beside her from the crowd of villagers. "Do you hear that?"

CLICK!

"Is that a woodpecker?" Youmu asked.

CLICK!

CLICK!

CLICK!

"It's not a woodpecker," said Sakuya with a sigh. "But it is definitely a bird… a really annoying one at that."

Sanae saw a small gleam from a rooftop that was a few yards away. "Well we definitely know who it is then. Should we go over there and talk to her? Maybe she can be of help."

Sakuya patted the godling's head. "For once, I agree with you. That's using the ole noggin'."

"Hey!"

The maid turned to address Youmu again. "We're going to head up there and speak with Aya . You're still going to keep an eye on our suspects?"

Youmu nodded, "No doubt about it."

"What suspects?" Sanae wondered, looking around the area for the said duo. "I don't see em anymore."

"What?" Youmu gasped and whipped around in surprise. And, sure enough, the muscular stranger and his svelte comrade were gone. "D'oh – I let my vigil down for a moment and they're gone!"

Sakuya shrugged. "Happy tailings…"

The half-ghost clicked her tongue and rushed away from the crowd in pursuit. Whether they were ninja or not, Youmu had her work cut out before her. "I'll meet with you later!"

After Youmu left the young maid and miko, Akyuu arrived with Minako. "Where did Youmu go?"

The Perfect Maid crossed her arms. "She's gone to wherever our suspected duo is going."

The tidbit worried Akyuu a little. "Do you think that she's going to need our help – if they're ninja, that is?"

"I doubt it," Sakuya reassured. "I've seen Youmu fight before without the use of danmaku. She can take good care of herself."

The chronicler's concern wavered a bit. "…If you say so."

CLICK!

"Wow," Sanae said after hearing the snapshot for the umpteenth time. "Aya's really hustling today, isn't she?"

"Which is all the more reason to talk with her," Sakuya suggested. She gazed at the rooftop where the said reporter was located. The other girls did the same. After a brief moment of silence, the tengu noticed that the humans were surveying her from afar. With haste, Aya pocketed her camera and fled across the rooftops. This was very unusual – even for Aya. "After her; she knows something."

"I don't know how to fly," Akyuu blushed.

"Me neither," Minako admitted. "Maybe you two should go on ahead without us. We hate to be a burden to-" she was suddenly swept into a princess carry by the silver-haired maid. "Ooh… you're strong. I like that in a woman."

Sakuya disregarded the joke with a blush. "Sanae, bring Akyuu along."

The godling hefted the sagely child in her arms (with Jojo). "Okay."

The human quartet left the village square in pursuit of the (Un)Traditional Reporter of Fantasy. They were sure to gather info from the nosy crow. As of now, it was probably the best course of action.

YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – Cataracts

Komachi landed roughly on the surface with a grunt. Where did she go wrong? How did she get herself into this situation in the first place? She was at the wrong place at the wrong time today – a victim of circumstance. Just as she was about to return to Higan, all hell broke loose! The ninja intruders chose to attack Kasen at such an inopportune time. Could it be karma biting on her large round ass?

"Ugh!" The shinigami winced as a shuriken pierced the deep skin of her butt.

Well… that answered that question.

"Are you okay?" Kasen said worriedly. She was forced to flee her home because of the intruders. The hermit was having a bad day, too. Komachi suddenly shoved her to the ground. "What the!-"

The redhead spun around on her sandal-clad feet and raised her scythe to deflect a shower of throwing- stars. There was a look of great frustration on her face. "I am NOT okay!" She snatched the sharp weapon off her butt with a yelp. "This has turned out to be a very bad day!"

"Well you're not the only one, you know," Kasen argued as she brushed the mud off her leggings. "They've ran me out of house and home!"

"Uwah… did it occurred to you that… ugh… t-taking the fight outside your place – damn it," the amazon grunted, preserving her guard against a rain of shuriken and kunai. "Taking the fight outside is a good idea. Now we have more than enough space to deal with them!"

Kasen appreciated the notion when it dawned on her. She pretty much saved the dojo from destruction. The redhead was a thinker – she wasn't all boobs and booty after all. "I commend you, Komachi."

"Uh – yea, don't mention it…"

"WATCH OUT!" Kasen shouted as a hoodlum rushed at Komachi from the left. The assailant closed in on the big woman with a katana raised. The peach-head met his assault at the very last moment and caught his incoming blade between her hands. Surprised, the ninja tried to struggle the blade free from the hermit's grasp. "Would you look at this? You're armed with a magnificent weapon and yet you do not know how to use it. Such a pity."

Komachi punched the guy in the chin, knocking him out cold. "I don't think any lectures would help the situation we're in right now."

Kasen whistled. "Nice left, he was a pretty strong-looking guy."

Komachi didn't have time to boast her little victory. Several more of their adversaries appeared – along with the lumbering Toru. And to add more to their trouble was the sudden appearance of another ninja: a red-haired dark-skinned woman dressed in a maroon and black dogi. And apparently, judging from how Toru was behaving before her, she was the leader. The red kunoichi had a trio of blades on her: two sheathed ninjato on her waist (edge up) and a very long blade on her back. She seemed to be the most dangerous opponent out of the group. "I'm being punished, aren't I?" Komachi asked, staring at the sky.

"Oi!" Kasen yelled to them. "Why are you doing this? What do you want with me?"

Komachi gasped. She was appalled that the peach-head was bold enough to ask them such a question. "H-hey! What's wrong with you?"

Kasen ignored her, pressing forward. "Too many of you attacked me recently! I'm tired of this! Have I not earned the right to know why you're after me?"

Komachi grimaced. "What kind of crazy question is that?"

Kasen was pointing at them now – her trademark. "Answer me!"

The dark-skinned woman flipped her long bang-less hair. "So this is the one that bested both Chie and Hsiao? What kinda sick joke is this?" Her slightly-accented voice was laced with disbelief. Clearly she was not from Japan. She couldn't believe what she saw in front of her. To be honest, the lovely hermit doesn't look… like a hermit. Could this be the very woman that defeated Chie twice? Was she the one that nearly beaten Hsiao an inch of his life? And who in the world is that big chick with her?

She was willing to find out.

"You're a friend of Chie's," the hermit's voice snapped the kunoichi out of her musings. "Give her my regards."

"Chie is none of your concern. What's done is done," the kunoichi said with finality. "She underestimated you and paid the price."

That 'clueless' look claimed Kasen's face, "Gosh, who needs enemies with a friend like you around?"

Toru's stomach suddenly growled. "Let's get this over with, Rio. I'm getting hungry."

"Y'know, I could go for a snack, too." Komachi intervened. "Can we just call this fight off and forget about all of this?"

Kasen gave Komachi the skunk-eyes. "Now that is a crazy question."

"I'm a shinigami, dang it!" Komachi whined. "I'm not supposed to help you fight your battles! Hell, I'm not supposed to be fighting in the first place!"

Kasen responded by giving the amazon a pleading expression. She fluttered her long eyelashes mock-pitifully. "Aww! You want to ditch me, do you, Komachi? And I thought you loved me!"

Komachi's face glowed as red as her hair. "H-hey! What's the meaning of this?"

Kasen sighed dramatically and fell on her side on the ground. She raised her left hand on her forehead and a sad, soap opera-like theme cued. "Ahhn, Ko-maaaa-chiiii~!" Kasen began in a blood-warming, high-pitched tone. "You mean to tell me that you don't love me? Woe is me! I'm in love with someone that doesn't love me back! Hermits get lonely, too!"

"Cut it out, Kasen!"

"Ahhhn~! How dare you deny me, Komachi? You preoccupy my thoughts at night!"

"Do not welcome Seiga inside your house ever again! She's influencing you!"

Rio, Toru, and the small group of ninja witnessed the tirade with blank stares. "I… I can't believe we're bearing witness to this right now." Rio muttered.

"It's actually kinda cute…" Toru said hesitantly.

"NOW!" Komachi shrieked, prompting Kasen into action. The hermit took aim and fired her bandaged arm at the group like a missile. The powerful projectile was trailed by a mist of black smoke and visible qi. A powerful explosion shook the area after the 'rocket punch' hit its mark and the area was enshrouded in fog. The explosion scared some of the wildlife around the area – even a few fairies.

KA-BOOM!

"Hahaha," Komachi laughed victoriously. "What a bunch of maroons! Looks like I made my catch of the day! Now to gather them up and ferry them over to their judgment."

"Komachi…" Kasen called out warily.

"What?"

Kasen's right arm rematerialized. "I… didn't kill them. I couldn't."

The shinigami's eyes widened. How can an explosion like that NOT destroy anyone in its wake? "Kasen, now is not the time to be holding back your strength!"

"That's not what I meant," Kasen amended. "That punch can't even kill a fairy. I couldn't kill anyone with that even if I tried. It was just a knockout attack."

"Well, that's still a reliEEEEEEEK!" Komachi was suddenly knocked away by a large fist. The unsuspecting amazon was hit so hard that she even dropped her scythe. She fell in the lake near the waterfall, unmoving. Toru had emerged from the smog like a ferocious beast, roaring.

The situation is growing more serious by the moment and Kasen feared the worse for her unlikely partner. "KOMACHI!"

"Urrrgh," the giant bellowed with his palm over his face, swinging blindly. "My sinus! There it goes again!"

The rose hermit ignored the stunned minion and rushed to the river. Komachi's unconscious body drifted along the currents of the raging waters. She didn't bother thinking about any worse-case scenario if anything happens to Komachi. All Kasen knew that she have to save her. And just as she was about to dive in the water, she saw a gleam flashed forth from the smog. She evaded the wipe of a blade in the nick of time.

"Not bad, woman," Rio compliment as she appeared with a blade drawn. "But you should know that a ninja works well in haze. It is our element."

"Get out of my way," warned Kasen, glowering. "Step aside or I'll gladly show you why Chie had a hard time against me!"

The Indo-Chinese kunoichi welcomed the hermit's challenge. "That remains to be seen because I'm not Chie. Where she usually fails… I always succeed."

"She hit me right on my sinus with that attack!" Toru groaned. He was messaging his temples now.

"Calm down, I'll get her back for what she – UGH!" Rio's declaration was cut short by an elbow to her chest. Then she ate dirt after three blows to her midsection and a roundhouse kick to the head. The hermit had stolen her! She was hit so hard by that kick that it turned her away from her pink-haired adversary. Grunting in disgust, she clenched her fist and recollected herself off the ground. Kasen was settled in a short stance, her eyes sharp. "…you don't waste any time, do you?"

Kasen remained serious. "I have to save her. That means that I'll have to go through you."

Rio smiled. Even though she didn't look it, the young-looking woman proved formidable. This should be interesting. Chuckling to herself, she unfastened the long sword on her back and tossed it at the hermit. "Here…"

The sheath landed near her feet and she grew suspicious. "What's the meaning of this?"

Rio twirled both of her ninjato like a pair of batons. "This is going to be an armed duel. Prepare yourself."

Kasen reluctantly procured the long blade and unsheathed it. Blades weren't exactly her forte, but what choice does she have? If she was going to save Komachi then she has to go through her copper-skinned foe. A plan formulated in her mind. Whatever it was…

She had to make it quick.

YOUKAI FOREST – Meadows

Shizuha dipped her bare feet in the cool stream. She has met a rather interesting individual recently – obviously male. Even though her dress was hiked to hips in which the gesture supplied a great view of her legs, she wasn't courting him. No, the ancient girl has a genuine interest in this person. What was so appealing about this stranger was the fact that he actually speaks to her from time to time. Besides Minoriko, Hina, and that nosy big-breasted godling from Moriya, the stranger communicates with her when he sees her. Furthermore, the stranger certainly knows how to spark good conversations and she appreciates his company.

Shizuha gazed at the one sitting cross-legged beside her: a young wolf tengu from the mountain village. His name was Sasuke. She always like that name for some strange reason. It had a nice ring to it. How old was he, anyway? He was probably a century or two – roughly Hatate's age range. Judging from his garbs and the katana he had on him, Shizuha could tell he was one of the village sentries. And though he bears a resemblance to Momiji, they were not related (something that he cleared up immediately).

And Shizuha, admittedly, thought he was cute.

"It's already been over an hour since I've been at this," said Sasuke. He was fishing.

Shizuha regained her focus. "Eh?"

Her white-haired friend shook the fishing rod. "I haven't caught any fish yet. Usually I would have caught five of them by now. I guess today isn't my lucky day."

Shizuha paddled her feet in the water. "Maybe we should get Hina to arrange that," she joked. "Well all have our bad days – happens to the best of us."

The lone wolf smiled in turn. "Agreed… but I sure don't want to miss out on my meal today. I can't work the rest of my shift on an empty stomach."

The baby-faced pessimist leaned close to him and snatched the tokin hat off his head. "A meal, you say? No problem. Why don't we head on over to my place and I'll prepare you a meal?"

It was a generous offer and at this point, he couldn't decline. "Sure thing."

A smirk etched on Shizuha's face. "Under one condition…"

The cute deity's sudden mischief surprised him. "And that would be…"

Shizuha bounced the tokin in her hand. "If you can snatch your hat from my grasp, I will make your meal. That sounds good?"

The challenge gave Sasuke pause. "And if I can't?"

The blonde's smirk became a leer. "Is my baby sister cute to you?"

The wolf tengu glowed red, but thankfully a nasally voice ceased the incoming embarrassment. "What's this I hear about your baby sister?"

Shizuha stiffened. "Gak! Oh nothing…" she remarked innocently, twiddling her index fingers.

Minoriko Aki placed her hand on her hips and shook her head. She seemed… slimmer somehow. "Talking about me behind my back, are you? That's no way to behave, Big Sister." She then gazed at her sister's mortal companion. "Good day, Sasuke."

Sasuke waved. "Hello."

"If I'd had known you were here with Shizuha, I would have brought some food to eat." Minoriko said. "And give him back his hat, Shizuha."

"Tch – you're always spoiling my fun," the younger-looking elder sibling grumbled. She gave her youkai companion back his hat. She grinned to herself at the sight of Minoriko: she was slimmer than usual and her breasts were small (for the moment). This was due to the fact that was end of summer and the harvest was mediocre this year. Though Minoriko wasn't as small as Shizuha, the younger goddess had lost her voluptuous figure a few months ago. "You're loosing weight again, kiddo. Your breasts are smaller than malnourished cantaloupes! Gyah-hahahaha~!"

"That's alright, autumn starts next month. So I'm not worried," Minoriko whack-attacked. "I'll regain my godly glory again before you know it."

Shizuha returned a flat gaze. "Ooh… you're quick today. You were expecting me to say something about your 'girlish good looks' today, weren't you?"

"Pfft – whatever, I'm not here to fuss with you, Shizuha," Minoriko scoffed. "Rather, there is definitely something going on today. I have a bad feeling about it, too."

Sasuke noticed the serious countenance on the blonde's face. "What is it?"

"It's the kappa again, isn't it?" Shizuha wondered with slight annoyance. "They're having another shoot-out, aren't they? Role-playing Call of Duty, right?"

Minoriko shook her head. "No."

"Cowboys and Injuns," the baby-faced elder said.

"No…"

"Cape dogs versus hyenas?"

"NO!"

"Spill the beans already!"

"I spotted various ninja further up the mountains earlier," Minoriko revealed, turning to Sasuke. "Are they from the Tengu Village, Sasuke-san?"

"No, I doubt it. Lord Tenma hasn't employed any agents in a long time." Sasuke replied. "In fact, we haven't had any ninja citizens in our village for centuries. And it was long before my time, too."

Minoriko's consternation deepened. "Hmm…"

"Of course, Lord Tenma probably started a new Shinobi regime or something of that nature," said Sasuke. "It's probably her way of reintroducing ninjutsu to our people. Who knows…"

"Don't be so sure about that," Shizuha stood up abruptly. "The tengu from back in the day were a real rowdy bunch – true warriors." Her eyes swept to Sasuke. "No offense, guy. Besides, I believe that there's someone from your village that used to be a very prolific ninja. This chick was bad."

The tidbit perked Sasuke's curiosity. "A girl from the village, you say? I thought that Tenma was the sole person from that old clan that still lives in the village."

"Oh no, I'm pretty sure that Tenma isn't the only one. The girl is still among y'all," Shizuha speculated. "In fact, you probably know her."

"I do? Who is she?"

"Yikes! We have to hide," Minoriko interrupted, pulling her sister and Sasuke with her into think foliage. She peered out the bushes and said "Look over there at the lake." The trio surveyed the waters before them and spotted a small gang of ninja sprinting across the lake (ridiculous as it sounds). "I've always wondered how they do that."

Sasuke tapped his chin, "Quite an impressive feat they're performing."

Shizuha owned a flat expression. "They're running on the surface of the water… How is that impressive?"

"It is," Minoriko retorted. "It's more than impressive, actually. It's like… seeing sound and… and hearing smell."

"Agreed," Sasuke added.

"Is this a joke? First off, we can fly," the pessimist began. "Second, since Spell Cards have been implemented we can pull off strong spells in seconds. And finally, we shoot kaleidoscopic bullets out of our-"

"They've made it across the lake!" Minoriko announced.

"They're heading up the mountains," said Sasuke. "Maybe we should follow them."

"No respect, no respect…" Shizuha grumbled. It truly sucks to be a Stage 1 mid-boss.

YOUKAI FOREST – Wilderness

Sunny Milk cursed the moment she woke up this morning. Today has been one hell of a day for the little prankster. She knew that shouldn't tag along with Luna and Star after hearing about the crime wave in Gensokyou. Sunny had a bad feeling about all of this. She should have ignored Star's high-pitched voice from the get-go: 'Reimu has been kidnapped by some monk,' she had said. Then, Luna's dumb ass said, 'It wasn't a monk that had kidnapped her. It was a ninja in disguise.' And, like a damn fool, Sunny thought trailing a gang of them to the mountains could be fun.

And now she regrets that decision.

One of them noticed something unusual about a tree earlier – Sunny's hiding place. Her captor mentioned something about… seeing a mirage in the greenery. Hearing that, Sunny knew she was in trouble. Why did it have to be cloudy today? Because of the weather, her ghost-faced abductor was able to catch her. And, as usual, both Luna and Star hauled asses at the first sign of trouble. Was it because Kanako was in a pissy mood? Or did a certain yakugami decided to cast bad luck on her? The fairy cursed those divine bitches (even though it weren't their fault).

Now, here she was, unwillingly traveling with her evil-eyed malefactor and some muscle-bound monk deep in the forest. Said malefactor was cradling her like a doll and being as happy as a kid on Christmas morning. "Guuuu…"

"Ooh~! You're so cute!" Chie squealed. "You're just the cutest thing! Yes you are! Disgustingly adorable!"

Sunny responded with another growl. "Guuuu…"

Sano turned around and gazed at the skunk-eyed fairy. "It looks pissed."

"Aww, its okay," said Chie, rubbing her face against Sunny. "I'm going to take GOOD care of you!"

Sunny said nothing. She was silently condemning her luck.

Sano tilted his wide hat. "It is what it is, then. She can mean-mug her face until her head explodes for all I care." He turned and resumes his lazy trek up the path. "You said that the hermit lives somewhere high up in the mountains up there, right?" He indicated, pointing at the mountain that was formerly known as Yatsugatake. A pillar of black smoke filled the air above the peak, blending in with the cloudy skies. "This is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack."

"Why you say that? She lives in a huge dojo. That shouldn't be hard too find."

"Guuu…!"

"Haven't you heard from Yukari when she was talking about this place?"

"Some of it, yes," Chie admitted.

"And that's why you got your ass handed to you." Sano remarked. "You're lucky that it was that hermit that kicked you around. There are all sorts of things in these mountains that you should be cautious of."

"Well, I didn't encounter anything besides the hermit yesterday."

"Again, you were lucky, Chie. You've charged into hostile territory headfirst like a damn fool."

"Hey! Don't talk to me like that," Chie retorted, nearly releasing Sunny. "I can take whatever this backwater town can throw at me!"

"Do you? Even if there are a thousand-and-one tengu chasing you up and down the mountain like a horde of wild dogs?" He approached his younger cousin and gave her fierce eye contact. "This place is dangerous, girl. And you dived right in unprepared. Many dangerous and mysterious creatures inhabit this place – dangerous mysteries."

"You can say that, but I didn't have any problems on my way to find the target." Chie reasoned. "My clan went in silently, undetected. That's a part of being a ninja is all about, right?"

Sano reluctantly scratched his head. "Well… you got part of it right, kiddo. Just… be a little bit more careful. We've been in Gensokyo for a month and I don't wanna wear out our welcome so soon. This region is legendary. I'm surprised that we haven't run into any feral youkai, tengu, or some crazy god yet. Hell, legend has it that some fat old jealous lady is the reason why the volcano blowin' smoke. "

Chie placed a finger on her lips innocently. "It's that bad, huh?"

"Yep, pretty much," said Sano, suddenly turning. "I'm sure that even our friend agrees."

The hanyou kunoichi raised a brow. "Friend…?"

"So far, it seems that way," Sano revealed. He faced a specific area of the forest shrubbery. "You've been following us for a minute. Why don't you come on out and introduce yourself?"

A question mark hovered over Chie's head. An exclamation hovered above the said shrubbery.

Sano narrowed his half hidden eyes. "Well…"

The tall greenery trembled for a moment before the stranger stepped forth. Chie gasped. She was honestly surprised that they were being tailed in the first place. And that wasn't all… "Wait, you're from the village. Why are you following us?"

"On investigation," said Youmu, approaching the duo. She was not far behind. Her gaze was on Sano.

"Investigation," Chie wondered. Then she noticed the most curious thing. "What is that hovering beside you?"

"That's not important," the half-ghost remarked seriously.

"She's a rare species of youkai known as a Half-Ghost," Sano explained to his kin, causing Youmu to visibly flinch. "That wisp floating about her is a part of her – as much as her limbs, hair and everything else on her body."

"She's one of those dangerous youkai that lives in the mountains, right?" Chie asked.

"I don't think so."

"You're ninja," Youmu's eyes narrowed. "I was right to follow you two."

"You did well, I'll give you that," the big man praised. "But try not to be so tense next time, okay? I can sense your qi the moment we left the village."

Youmu's eyes went wide. "You sensed me?"

"No doubt I did," Sano grinned. "Work on your stealth a little more, would ya?"

Youmu retained her serious gaze. "Of course, you would know a lot about stealth, wouldn't you?"

"Kid, I live and breathe stealth. And… by the way, those are very interesting pieces of steel you have there."

The samurai phantom hardened her gaze. "I thank you for the compliment, sir. But I assure you my skills with them are a lot more interesting."

Sano lifted his hat a bit, revealing an impressed grin. "Oh… now we're talkin'. Tell me more."

At the sight of his face, Youmu momentarily forgot what she was here for. Damn.

"Hey!" Chie interrupted the half-ghost out of her brief stupor. She stood before Youmu in a challenge. Sunny helplessly stared. "You're itching for a fight, short stuff? Just who do you think you-"

FWOOSH!

Youmu humphed, and a sudden breeze occurred (along with a flash of silver). She was now behind the tall girl, sheathing her sword.

"…are…?" Chie blinked in confusion. The next thing she knew, her biker shorts fell to the ground in shreds – revealing her black-white chain gang striped panties.

"I am Youmu Konpaku, gardener of the Netherworld and master swordswoman." Youmu introduced as Chie shrieked as she realized her lovely skivvies were in plain view.

"EEEEEEEEEIIII!"

The kunoichi instinctively tugged her black kimono over her crotch in embarrassment. Doing so, Sunny made her escape. "I'm free," the little trickster cried as she scrammed to safety. "FREE AT LAST!"

"Be thankful that I didn't slash you instead," warned Youmu. The kunoichi sat on the ground in embarrassment, her face red as a beet. "That was your warning."

Chie remained where she was, trembling.

"Hmm… Iiado, that's interesting…" Sano said thoughtfully after observing Youmu's technique. "Not bad, your precision is pretty solid and that speed of yours' is impressive."

Youmu surveyed Sano's expression, trying her best not to go into another lapse. "You're evaluating me."

"That's what she wrote, kiddo. And I know someone that's just as fast as you are – if not, faster."

Youmu ignored him. She was busy trying to advert her view from his eyes. There was something strange about his eyes. Or was it…?

"I'm being punished, aren't I?" Chie whined, still tugging on her clothes.

Sano shrugged. "So, what now? You've followed us all the way out here, challenged us, and embarrassed the hell outta Chie – which is kinda hilarious because she's been training since childhood. You're no ordinary loli, that's for sure. Just like the loudmouth shrine maiden…"

One of the half-ghost's swords was out again. This time, it was pointed at Sano's chest. "Where is she?"

"Hmm…" Sano lifted a brow. This is another daring loli. "What you're going to do with that, besides making me mad?"

"You…" she hesitated. Something was definitely wrong here. Why can't she concentrate when she sees his eyes? Damn. What's wrong with me? Get it together, Youmu!

"Hey, enough of that," Sano said, making Youmu realize what she was doing. "That tickles."

Youmu gasped. Sure enough, the tip of Roukanken was lightly tracing his exposed pectorals. Maybe Koishi was the blame for that one. "D'oh!"

"Kick her ass, Sano," yelled Chie.

The youkai disguised as a monk scratched his jawline. "I dunno if I should fight her or start laughing."

"You should surrender instead," said a voice followed by the sound of a gun being cocked.

Youmu, Chie, and Sano looked around the forest in confusion. "Who's said that?" Chie wondered.

"You're trespassing," the voice said again, obviously female. The stranger came into view from her hiding spot among the bushes. She stood before the phantom samurai and the ninja pair, armed with a musket rifle. The musketeer wore an army fatigue patterned cardigan, combat boots, and a bullet helmet. The ancient Springfield she held looked as sharp as her expression.

Sano surveyed the youth. The girl was obviously a native of the forest. She was young, but full grown – anywhere between twenty two to one-hundred seventy years of age. The blonde haired youkai may be cute but her serious demeanor begs to differ. "Kappa…" Sano noted.

After the faux monk's mentioning, Chie gawked at the super-cute trooper. "Really? That's a kappa?" She stood back on her feet, disregarding her indecency. Curiosity conquered humiliation. "I thought that kappa… would be – y'know, humanoid turtles or something… with water bowl toupees on their heads and such."

"Gensokyou," Sano reminded. "Humanoid youkai…"

"Oh, that's right," Chie nodded, taking a step forward.

"Don't move," the soldier commanded, aiming at the hanyou girl with pretty legs.

Youmu remained silent. She was as much as an intruder as the outsiders. It was a wise move on her part. She hopes that she doesn't have to resort to hurting the musketeer. Then she heard a chuckle from Sano. What is he laughing about?

"This is cute – real cute," he grinned. "Listen, buddy, me, my cousin and the half-spook came here in peace. We're not looking for any trouble… not with you, anyway."

The kappa's remained stern. "Trouble has found you instead. It doesn't take a wolf tengu to see that you're one of the ninja that are invading Gensokyou."

Two more kappa girls appeared from the shrubbery: a redhead and a noirette in identical styled cardigans. They too were armed – swords, survival knives, flash bangs, and even a sweet HK .45. It was a wonder how the redhead got a hold of that nice heat. Strangers had invaded their turf and they answered the call of duty.

Sano said, "Trouble."

"Yea, that's right," the blonde remarked, unwavering. "I would turn back now if I were you. I don't care what happens in the Human Village or the rest of Gensokyou, as long as you steer clear from these parts, then we're good."

"And put some clothes on," the redhead added, regarding Chie. The loveliness of her legs was almost obscene.

Chie frowned, her hand instinctively going to the blade on her hip. "Just who do you think you're talking to, you gangbangin' turtle?"

"Chie, be easy," Sano commanded. "We don't want to make this harder than it needs to be, ladies. Making enemies are not on our agenda."

"It is too late for that now," the blonde circled her aim. "Now, head back from where you came and we will mercifully pretend that this never happened."

Sano shrugged. The kappas were just doing their jobs.

Chie, ever the comedienne, said "You three wouldn't happen to be named after historical Renaissance artists, are you?"

The redhead giggled at the hanyou. "It seems that ninja are facing tough times as well. Couldn't afford a pair of breeches?"

"Be thankful that any of the tengu didn't see you, especially while your drawers are in plain view," scoffed the blonde. "You're just their type."

"Pfft! Go suck on a cucumber."

The mean-spirited trooper snapped her aim at her new nemesis. "What was that?"

Chie made an unnervingly pleasant smile of anger. "Now… you may as well go ahead and pull the trigger, sister. Shoot me and see that I won't beat your ass. I dare you."

The gunwoman gave the kunoichi a heinous glare. She hates her now. "Your mouth is going to get you into a world of trouble."

"Don't worry," Youmu broke her silence, earning curious stares. "I'll handle these two. Everything's under control."

"If everything were under control, then none of you wouldn't be here right now," the blonde kappa trooper retorted. "I warn you; even the half dead shall not be spared."

Youmu clicked her tongue. There was no reasoning with those river imps. "A wise man once said that some people deserve their personal hells." Youmu was not their enemy, but she was going to teach the trio a lesson of respect – especially to those that are trying to help them. At the very least, she was going to get a pretty good workout while on the quest for Reimu. She drew out both of her blades with a sigh. "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you…"

"Hold on. Don't waste your energy," Sano held out his hand, regarding Youmu. This surprised all of the girls. "If little Miss Trigger Happy is so big and bad, then she should have shot one of us by now."

Miss Trigger Happy… actually smiled. "Don't tempt me."

Sano challenged her. "Go ahead, punk. Make my day."

BANG!

Birds and fairies fled from the trees after the jarring gunshot. Youmu's covered her ears. She never did understand some people's fascination with firearms. They were crude, loud weapons. Granted, few firearms require training and tact to wield, but they will never amount to the skills required to wield a sword. That hurt my ears…

Then she heard a chuckle from Sano. "Heh heh… I've been burned, stabbed, shot by an arrow, knocked unconscious, but I've never been shot before – much less an old rifle like that."

The kappa warriors gasped. The bullet was on the ground, dented.

The blonde girl was shocked. "H-how? Even youkai can't withstand a bullet without flinching!"

"I have no doubt about that," said Sano. "But right now it looks like I'm an exception."

The redhead brandished her .45 with a snarl. "Take this!"

BANG!

"Ugh," Sano grunted after the headshot. Even his hat was knocked off. "Now that was just plain rude."

"It bounced right off him!" the noirette screamed.

Chie grinned. Youmu stared at the now hatless youkai. She kinda liked what she saw but he can certainly do without that weird pompadour of his. What's going on? What is he made of?

"You better run," Chie laughed. "Get to steppin'!"

"Damn! What the hell is going on?" Trigger Happy demanded, fight or flight instincts kicking in. "You're so kinda freak!"

"No I'm not," Sano shrugged. "I used Iron Body. Pretty nifty qi trick - It took me years to learn that technique. I came prepared."

Youmu noted what he said. The handsome warrior (in her opinion, anyway) was just as adept as he is good-looking. Iron Body… this guy has a nice trick up his sleeves.

"Retreat!" Trigger Happy commanded, and all three of them vanished in the bushes. Fleeing was their only option right now. They regret not bringing along a few spell cards.

"Oh no you don't," said Sano. "You just shot me and not expect any consequences? Not cool!"

His young cousin gave him an approving nod. "They're just making it interesting for you, aren't they?"

"Yep, now if you excuse me…" he said, dismissing himself. He hopped in the greenery and pursued the kappa warriors. A patch of it suddenly shook and the noirette peep her head out. Why she did this was beyond anyone's guess. She was better off running away.

Maybe she had a plan?

Then, Youmu's eyes widened in shock at what happened next. Sano appeared behind the unsuspecting girl like a lion. The poor noirette didn't stand a chance…

THE HUMAN VILLAGE – Rooftops

Aya swooped down on an old building far from the village square. Her wings vanished and she searched the rooftops for any signs of followers. Her lips were set in a thin, determined line. She was frustrated. She was not the usual happy-go-lucky Honest Tengu Reporter of Fantasy. Right now, she was the Predatory Harpy on a Mission instead. Looking into this incident had put her on edge. And she was going nowhere. People were scared. Humans panicked and hid in their homes. Native youkai became wary of a new danger and watched their backs at every turn. The ninja invasion had everyone on edge.

Aya was now involved in resolving this mess – a personal struggle with a familiar conundrum.

She paced along the Western-styled roof, making her way towards the water tower at the center of it. With all the familiarity of the situation she was having a hard time with it. She couldn't figure out where all the ninjas were coming from. There was a nagging suspicion that they're located somewhere in Gensokyou but she didn't know exactly where. The invaders were good. It was obvious that they planned their intrusion months ago… maybe even years. It all started with women's missing underwear. Then from there, valuables possessions were stolen. And it didn't stop there… there were numerous accounts of home invasion and beautiful young girls were kidnapped. After that, Reimu Hakurei and Keine Kamishirasawa were abducted. Their abduction was the greatest affront to Gensokyou in years.

The plot thickens. Aya got a lead.

The crow had caught one of them: a female from the Outside World. She bound the intruder to one of the poles of the water tower. Aya left her captives for hours. It was time for her to check on the kunoichi. It was time for answers.

Aya approached the girl, a dark-haired kunoichi dressed in a short lavender kimono. She was a beautiful sad-eyed specimen of youkai femininity. Even while scowling angrily at the approaching tengu she still looked sad. She stared Aya in her eyes, stricken with unforgivable rage. The kunoichi was pissed. Aya was far more formidable an opponent that she seems. She found out the hard way.

Aya sat on her haunches and removed the gag from her victim's mouth. "You're in trouble…"

"No more trouble than you are once they found out that I'm missing," the youkai spat.

Aya gave the long-haired girl a flat look. "I'm no fool."

The statement earned her curiosity. "What do you mean?"

Aya laughed. It was a cruel haughty laughter of a condescending intellectual barbarian. The type of person whose booksmarts heavily outweighed her common sense. She seemed like the type that'll use every bit of said intelligence to humiliate her – to make herself feel that she was better than her. Hearing that laugh, one would get the impression that she was the kind of person that thought she knew everything… and the entire world orbited her knowledge. How pretentious!

"There's nothing funny about this," the youkai grunted, unnerved. "Do you see me laughing?"

"Personally, I don't care," Aya remarked. "I really don't care if you're laughing or crying urine from your eyes. All that matters right now is the fact that I'm… laughing… at… you."

"You will regret this. My friends will come for me."

"No they won't. You're a liability. I know these things." Aya said cruelly. "You're nothing to them now. For them to come searching for you would be a waste of time. It's just they way it is."

The kunoichi lowered her head. "A liability…"

"Well, how bout the word detriment? That's more fitting in your situation." Aya said thoughtfully. "Or maybe… a pain in the ass?"

The kunoichi trembled. The truth was dawning on her and it hurts. "Shut up!"

"If you're a real ninja, then you should know this," said Aya as she stood. "I see that they don't make em like they used to."

The youkai stared at the tengu with a bit of surprise. "Wait… don't tell me… You were a ninja once, weren't you?"

Aya faced away from her captive. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"You're lying."

"I get that a lot, actually," the tengu remarked offhandedly. "You don't have to believe me, though. It's the news that matters. Belief doesn't pay the bills, y'know."

"Liar, you know a lot more than you let on."

Aya spun on her heels. "Now wait a minute, girl! You're the captive here, not me! I should be the one doing all the talking!"

"You're a liar!" She spat. "A big fuckin' liar!"

The yellow journalist narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Shut up. I'm not going to ask you again."

"You're a big fat lyin' friggin' ninja!"

And just like that, Aya's patience diminished. Her hand flew to the girl's face.

SMACK!

"Ugh!"

Aya dusted off her hand in satisfaction. That'll shut her up. Stupid kid… there was no use reasoning with her. It was like talking to Hatate – very infuriating. "Now… you're going to tell me where your hideout's located. If not, there's plenty more of that where that comes from. Whether you cooperate or not, it makes no difference to me."

The ninja youkai stared at her lithe enemy. A fresh hand-print was on her left cheek. "I don't… care anymore…" she remarked. "Go ahead… torture me… again…"

"Aya!"

The tengu clicked her tongue. So they decided to follow her after all? And she was about to have fun torturing the kunoichi again. She turned to her company with a (faux) pleasant smile. "Sakuya, Sanae, nice to see that you've made it."

"Who is she?" Sakuya wondered, relinquishing Minako. "And why you chose the roof of the funeral home of all places?"

"Did someone died?" Minako wondered. "Is there a wake going on that I don't know about?"

"If this chick gets out of hand then there will be…" Aya remarked ominously, surprising her companions. "Anyways, I knocked her out and dragged her ass up here. She's our lead."

Akyuu hopped out of Sanae's arms and approached Aya. The tengu was showing a side of her that she has never witness before. "You're stressed…"

The crow put her hands on her hips. "Thanks for noticing," she sassed.

Akyuu relented. There was no need to make Aya angrier than she already was. It was a very smart decision on her part. "Oh… kay…"

Sanae stared at the captured girl. She had bruises on her body and her clothes had tears in it.

"It's been a stressful day for all of us," said Sakuya warily. "But at the very least, I'm glad that we finally have a lead."

"I have a lead…" Aya emphasized.

The maid raised her brows. "That girl certainly pissed you off, that much is obvious. But don't take your anger out on me."

Aya went rigid. "You're mistaken, Sa-ku-ya. I'm not angry. Don't make such silly assumptions."

Everyone present noticed the tension between the tengu and maid. "Uh… girls…" Minako gauged carefully. "I don't think that this is the appropriate time to confront one another."

"Of course not," Sakuya remarked nonchalantly. "But we are at an appropriate place for murder. This is the morgue, after all."

Akyuu gulped. "Oh dear…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Aya challenged.

Sakuya remained unrepentant. "You're a tengu, it shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out. Your species are supposedly smarter than humans, right?"

Sanae turned to Sakuya. "Whoa! That was harsh, Sakuya."

"Do unto others as they do unto you," said the maid.

"Well maybe you should start feeding dog chow to Remilia then?" Aya rebutted.

Sakuya pushed Sanae aside and marched up to Aya. They were the exact same height (thanks to Aya's geta shoes). "You're pushing your luck, crow. Watch your mouth before something bad happens to you."

Aya smiled in the maid's face. They were so close to one another that their breasts were pressing together – hers' were noticeably larger than Sakuya's. "Umm-hmm… I love a challenge. Go ahead, do your worst."

Minako was staring at the combative duo, her nose bleeding. "Ooh…"

"Mi-na-kooo…" Akyuu grounded out. "That's disrespectful."

"Sorry, Akyuu," the maidservant apologized.

"Guys, please don't fight!" Sanae cried. "We're all under a lot of stress and fighting each other would only make things worse."

"She started it!" Aya yelled, armed with her hauchiwa.

"And I'm sure that I will finish it," Sakuya remarked, her skirt was hiked up high enough to show her knife-equipped thigh garters. "That is, if she cannot keep her temper in check."

The crow gave her silver-haired frenemy a hard look. "You're pushing it. You don't know half of what I'm capable of."

Now, truth be told, even without the Lunar Dial, Sakuya was still a capable fighter. She was talented in close quarters combat and wielding knives. With those said talents, she was able to take on various types of youkai (even without Lunar Dial's assistance). Yet… there was something different about Aya today. Something about her demeanor seemed wrong. The glare Aya gave her was unnerving. Although Sakuya hate to admit it, but it was probably wise not to engage the tengu in a fight right now. She didn't need the additional stress. It wasn't worth it.

Imposing or not, she let Aya off the hook. For now…

"Whatever you say," Sakuya hedged, turning her back on Aya. "I don't have time for this right now."

Aya responded with a mirthless smile. "A wise decision…"

The maid froze mid-stride at Aya's challenge. The bird was being a real cheeky bitch today. Sakuya sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes, I made a wise decision for your sake."

Aya laughed. It was a scathing, nasty sound.

"Uh, you're really creeping us out today," Sanae said.

"Tell me about it," Aya's captor remarked. "There must be all types of creeps in this place."

Sanae, Akyuu, and Minako turned to look at the bruised youkai. The visible bruises on her limbs told a story of torture. She was scowling – putting on a tough face, but they knew that her resolve was waning. The youkai was trembling in both anger and fear. Seeing the kunoichi's apparent anxiety, the human girls understood her pain. Aya was not herself today. And it scared all of them.

"Is that a hickey?" Minako sudden asked, noticing a mark on the youkai's neck when she knelt before her.

Aya gasped.

"Hey, that is a hickey!" Sanae confirmed.

The humans stared at Aya in a mixture of disbelief and disgust (in Sakuya's case).

Aya glowed red. "N-no! No it's not! I hit her there!"

The humans were skeptical. They delivered blank stares to the tengu. "Huh, is that right?" Minako asked suspiciously.

"That crazy tengu beat me," the youkai cried. "She punched me, cut me, and molested me!"

"Aya…" Sanae began in a chiding tone. "I don't think you're supposed to molest suspects."

The crow's eyes went wide. "Ayayaya! She's lying! Don't believe her!"

"She's a monster," the girl's trembling was more evident now. "She felt me up while cursing my existence! Then she left me here for hours! And now's she's back to finish what she started!"

Minako narrowed her eyes and studied the kunoichi's bare legs. So that wasn't sweat glistening on her thighs…

Sakuya nodded her head. "How repulsive…"

"That little piece of crap is lying through her teeth!" Aya cussed. "Okay, I did cope a feel of her breasts, but I didn't molest her!"

"Hmm…" Minako suddenly opened the youkai girl's top a bit, revealing another mark near her breasts. "You did a lot more than feeling on her titties."

"Hey!" The kunoichi shrieked, blushing in embarrassment.

Akyuu stared at the blushing tengu. "You've been pretty busy with her, apparently."

"Yea, we can see that much," Sanae added, walking up to Aya with a pout on her face. "We commend you for having a lead on this incident but you're being a very bad girl. If I hadn't known any better, your actions call for extermination."

Aya sweated. The humans were questioning her grandeur. "Now Sanae… who do you believe in: her or me? She's an enemy of Gensokyou right now – a menace to society. That girl is a member of a clan of ninja thieves that has been pillaging, abducting, and scaring people all over the place. More to it, their base of operations remains a mystery. And she's been lying to me that she doesn't know of said place. Now… I ask you again: her or me?"

Akyuu and Minako joined Sanae and rounded on Aya while glaring disapprovingly. "Her," they replied simultaneously.

Aya face-palmed. "Oh, screw the three of you!"

"You raped her," Sanae berated.

"Don't judge me!"

"What you did to that poor youkai was very unethical, Aya-san."

"She's one of the bad guys! Do you really care what happens to her!?"

It was then that the roar of their lead alerted them. The youkai had set herself free somehow. "RRAAAARGH!"

"Holy crap she's big!" Minako gasped. The kunoichi didn't look that big when she was bound to the pole just now.

"Don't let her get away!" Aya yelled. Sakuya blocked the girl's way as she fled. The youkai girl was even taller than Sakuya. But before the maid can act, a pair of huge black wings sprouted from the girl's back. And the next thing they know, she hit the maid with a blow that can lay low a heavyweight pugilist in his prime. Sakuya fell on her rear, head spinning. "She's… a tengu?"

The tall tengu then charged at the remaining humans, bowling Sanae and prompting Akyuu and Minako to hop out of her way. Her feathers were dispersing everywhere. She was no Utsuho Reiuji, but she was a pretty imposing bird. "Yea, that's a tengu, alright." Minako said.

"Damn it! Must I do everything myself?" Aya swore and chased the larger crow across the roof. Just as the random tengu was about to take flight, Aya had already closed in on her. She knocked the girl on the floor with an elbow to the back of her head. The taller tengu curled into a fetal posture and sobbed.

"Please," she cried. "Don't hurt me any more! Please don't beat me again!"

The journalist sighed at such a pitiful sight. "Oh please. You don't have to worry about that. Why are you crying?"

The tengu rubbed her eyes. "You know… why I'm… crying! Uuuuuu!"

"Wow… you call yourself a tengu?" Aya scoffed. "Stop crying. You're being a disgrace to our entire race." Honestly, even Hatate didn't cry as much as this big tengu. In fact, Hatate hardly ever cried.

"Leave me alone," she begged.

Sakuya recovered from the sucker punch and made her way to the pitiful bird. "That was a lucky shot. You better be glad that I didn't catch you."

Aya smiled as a devilish idea swam in her mind. "Let's kick her!"

Sakuya mirrored the evil expression. "Don't mind if I do!"

"Wait! WAIT!" Sanae cried, rushing to the two taller girls. "You can't do that."

Sakuya raised a brow. "And why not?"

"Because it's mean," the godling scolded.

"Sanae… my right hand will have an appointment with your face if you don't mind your own business." Sakuya warned. Her dislike for the divine woman-child was growing more apparent.

However, Sanae stood her ground. "No, this is my business as much as yours." She then stood over the crying tengu. "If you're going to beat her then you might as well start with me!"

Sakuya raised a fist, causing her buxom nemesis to flinch. Her fist stopped mere inches from the younger girl's nose. She gritted her teeth. It wasn't worth the wrath of two mountain gods. "Whose side are you on?"

"Yea," Aya balled her hands on her hips impatiently. "Don't tell me that you're catching feelings for this big cuckoo?"

Akyuu thought hard on what the tengu had said. Cuckoo? Is that a regional slur among the tengu?

"Yes, I'm on your side, guys. And just like you I'm willing to get this over with real soon," the miko reasoned. "This tengu is our key to point us in the right direction. Torturing her won't be of any use to us. She's already shell-shocked as it is."

The girls looked at the kunoichi whom was whimpering on the ground. Aya has already done terrible things to her. And it would have gotten worse if not for the humans' arrival. "I want my mama…" she sniffed.

Seeing the big baby, Sakuya's heart bled a little. "Okay… we're going to go easy on her."

Aya knelt besides the intruder and played with her long hair. "I'm your mama now, toots."

"Aya!" The humans chided. Not only was the journalist extra edgy today, she was also extra shameless.

YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – Cataracts

"What's wrong?" Rio taunted, her blade locked into the borrowed one of her foe. "You're finally realizing the difference between us?"

CLANG!

"No…" Kasen said after a parry. She's been clashing metal with the swordswoman for several minutes now. The senin was not all that skilled with a sword but she was doing well in holding off the brown-skinned sword master. "H-how… can… I know a difference… if we're both… h-holding back?"

CLANG!

CLANG!

CLANG!

Kasen was right. Every since the Indo-Chinese assassin lent her blade to her all she did was misdirection and evasion. Kasen couldn't land an opening on her opponent. On the other hand, Rio had successfully slashed the hermit's left shoulder, back, and her right thigh. It was a one-sided fight and she was growing ever more frustrated. She was forced to back into a marsh because of Rio's offense.

Komachi was still in the waters somewhere, her life ebbing away in the currents.

Komachi…! Kasen thought frantically. Hang in there, Komachi!

"You're right," Rio stopped her offensive suddenly. "I am holding back."

Kasen studied her opponent's expression carefully. "You were? Were you really?"

Rio shrugged. "Yes… for your sake. I still can't see how you managed to beat both Chie and Hsiao. I know that they're a bit on the arrogant side, but they're strong. They can back up their brashness."

The hermit actually stared at the redhead. She did not appreciate being underestimated. "You're experimenting with me…"

"And you're failing horribly."

"Enough of this!" Kasen exclaimed, tossing the sword aside. "I'm done playing your game! I have a friend to save!" She took a stance; her feet slightly apart with her right hand near her waist in a fist and her left hand stretched before her. She flexed the fingers of her left hand. "I'm not holding back any longer, either. Let's see how well you fare against me now."

Rio smiled. She sheathed her blade and tossed it aside as well. "Your move…"

Kasen didn't waste any time. She moved in on Rio with a flurry of punches, palm-strikes, and elbows. And to her surprise, the kunoichi blocked and parried most of her attacks. She only landed a knife-hand strike to her ribs, but it didn't phase her much. Although Rio was being passive in the fistfight, she knew that she couldn't hold up for long. She has to go on the offensive sooner or later.

"Eii!" Kasen delivered a swift spinning back kick, prompting her opponent to duck and retaliate. The redhead shot three punches to the midsection and knocked her back with a crescent kick to her face. The rose senin fell in the marsh on her rear.

"You can do better than that!" Rio exclaimed, advancing on Kasen with a kick to shoulder. She likes to kick her opponents while they were down.

She caught Rio's foot just before it hit her in a cross-guard. And from her position on her butt she swept her legs to sweep Rio. "Hmmph!"

"Shit," the redhead cursed, falling face first in the water.

Kasen gained space from her via three backflips. By the time she did that Rio had already rose from the water. She chased the hermit with a few misdirected kicks – all of which the hermit blocked, sidestepped, and cartwheeled out of harm's way. Damn! She needs to stop moving around like a damn flea!

It was then that Kasen landed a solid kick to her back. In her brief frustration, the hermit managed to get a good attack in. Rio fell to her knees, gritting her teeth in annoyance. She was beginning to see how her comrades were defeated by this woman. Her evasive, passive way of fighting can be frustrating – and both Hsiao and Chie were easily irritable. The redhead made a vow not to fall to the same elusive tactics. Two can play this game!

Rio rose from the ground with a declaration on her tongue. But her adversary cut her off with a swift eye-gouge. "Ack!"

The kunoichi's covered her eyes in reaction and Kasen maintained her offense. She kicked Rio in the shin and threw her over her shoulders. Rio hit the ground hard, a great pain seared through her spine. She is going to feel back pains for a while.

"Hee-yaaaa!" The hermit cried, attempting to punch her floored adversary. But… her eyes widened in shock and she suddenly blushed. "Oww! Wh-watch it!"

"I've underestimated you," Rio smirked, her right hand latched on Kasen's breast overhead. She squeezed hard, her fingers sinking in the deep skin of the hermit's chest. "You're definitely a fighter."

"Get your hands off my chest!" Kasen shrieked, now trying to kick the redhead.

Rio vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Ooh… that really hurt…" coughed Kasen, wincing.

The kunoichi appeared a few feet behind her, arms crossed. "Having a large chest is not always a good thing."

"Tell me about it," Kasen replied, rubbing her breast with a blush of embarrassment.

"I can certainly attest to that but you are a different story all together." Rio said. Granted, the redhead was blessed in the bosom area as well. Her brown pearls looked mighty nice underneath the netted undershirt she was wearing. But her aesthetic foe was more so blessed, glaringly so. "You're a lot like someone else I know."

Kasen didn't reply. She tossed a dart instead. It hit Rio square between the eyes. The redhead's eyes constricted in pain…

…and she vanished again.

"Ninpo…" Kasen growled, narrowing her eyes. "I've should known – OOOOOOW!" She fell face-first to the ground after a kick to her backside. She rubbed her butt as her eyes glistened with tears.

"If you know anything about Ninpo…" said Rio, marching up to hermit. "…then you will surely love this one – it's a classic." She raised her right hand close to her mouth and her thumb touched her index finger in a circle. And the next thing Kasen knew, Rio was breathing fire.

Her skirt and leggings were caught by some of the flames and she immediately began rolling in the grass. "Kyaaah! Hot! HOT! HOT!"

Rio ceased her pyrotechnic attack for a moment. "That's the point!"

Kasen rolled to the river and doused the flames off her clothes. Then some snatched her from the water. "Going somewhere?" That someone grunted.

She was being held up by the back of her blouse. "What do you think?" Kasen remarked sarcastically.

Toru grunted, holding Kasen high in the air like a ragdoll. "Lady, you have given us enough trouble."

Rio approached the giant. "She's definitely more trouble than she worth. I thought that she would be a decent challenge."

Kasen rolled her eyes. "You have my condolence, the both of you," she remarked sarcastically.

"Tell that to the rest of the gang you've knocked out." Rio rebutted. Her violet eyes took on a curious look. "Who are you? You're not who I expect you to be."

"Yea, there has to be a reason why Master wants to know more about you," Toru added. He find it odd that the hermit didn't try to escape his grip.

"I'm just your friendly neighborhood mountain hermit – my mother's daughter."

Rio regarded the giant with a dry expression. "She's just as weird as your master. They're a match made in paradise."

She noticed what the red-themed assassin just said. "His… master?"

"That's none of your business!" Toru roared. "You're coming with us-"

"RRRRRAAAAAAAH!" Something… from down the river raged as a tower of water erupted like a geyser.

Rio gasped and turned to the source of the sudden disturbance. "What the!? Now what?"

Toru looked confused. "I dunno. Maybe it's an alligator or something."

With the opportunity presented to her, Kasen twisted in the big man's grip and drove her knee to his nose. "Head's up!"

WHAM!

He dropped the distressed damsel in agony, clutching his broken nose. "OOOOOOOWWW!" He cried.

"Toru!" Rio gasped.

"YOUUUUU…" the creature from the deep growled. It was big, tall, dark, and obviously female. The monster was several yards away and yet… it seemed relatively close to them. It slowly advanced it's soaking-wet form towards them.

Kasen hopped away from the sobbing minion and stared at the possible greater evil. "What in the world is that?"

"You… will… pay…" the creature hissed. "PAAAAAAY!"

Rio faced the looming beast and unsheathed one of her swords. "Easier said than done!"

The mystery brandished a gigantic weapon – wavy and sinister-looking. "Pointless… Your life is mine! MINE!"

Rio remained fearless in the face of her impending doom. "I'll make you wish that you drowned in the river!"

Mysteriously, the figure now stood right in front of the red kunoichi. The stature of the creature dwarfed Rio but it was still much smaller than Toru. "You've royally pissed me of! Big mistake!"

Kasen gasped when she recognized who the creature was. "Komachi!"

YOUKAI MOUNTAIN – Tengu Village Outskirts

"Ugh!" A story fodder grunted as she fell unconscious from a blow from Sasuke. She was among a small group of ninja that fell to the wolf tengu's might.

"That's the last of em," Sasuke said, putting away his scimitar. It was a good thing that he decided to confront them in the forested path before the village. Had they infiltrated the village, they small clan would be put to death – a notion that he really wasn't fond of. "They provided a decent workout."

Minoriko clapped her hands. "You were great, Sasuke! Seeing you fight is like poetry in motion!"

"They were humans," Shizuha pointed out – being a spoilsport. "And had Minoriko not threw a pumpkin at the tall guy, Sasuke would have caught a little trouble."

Minoriko rolled her eyes. "Haters gonna hate."

"I find it strange, though," Sasuke contemplated. "Why would a small group of humans try to invade the tengu village in the first place? Unless they don't know a thing about us, for a human to physically confront a tengu is suicidal."

"That is strange…" Minoriko hummed, walking ahead.

"Humans are not to be underestimated," Shizuha cautioned, following her younger sister. "The limitless potential thing, remember?"

"Yes, you're right…" Sasuke (decidedly) agreed. "But still…"

"They're a crafty bunch, most definitely. Thousands of years of evolution and what-not… they certainly earned the right of being hailed as the planet's dominant species. Although they lack true power, their influence is indisputable. It's probably a reason why I love them so much."

Minoriko momentarily turned her attention from the towering pagodas of the tengu village. She gave her big sister a dubious glare. "Do you even realize what you're saying? A lack of true power… psshaw! I guess that means you've never met the likes of Reimu, Marisa, and that ditzy child of the Yasa-Moriya Shrine."

Shizuha made an excuse. "I was having a bad hair day, that's all!"

"And I'm a Stage 1 Mid-boss…" the younger Aki muttered.

"H-hey! Watch your mouth, Mino! That's not funny!"

"I know," Minoriko shrugged. "That's why I said that. Gotta be cruel to be kind…"

"I am SO telling Mom the next time I see her," Shizuha shouted, pointing at her baby sister. "You're being an insufferable bitch and you know it!"

"I know you are but what am I!?"

"Oh don't you start that again!"

As the divine duo got into another one of their sibling spat, Sasuke sighed. I wonder if Hina ever gets into it with these two. Knowing that she often hangs out with them, I wouldn't be surprised. He turned and gazed at the unconscious humans. No matter. It's time to report this to Lord Tenma.

YOUKAI FOREST – Riverside Mountain Path

"Bastard…" the blonde kappa grounded out. She was bound with her two companions in chains. "You will not get away with this!"

"Yea! You're gonna get it, Mister!" The redhead kappa added.

"Aaaaahhh shaddap!" Chie shouted.

Sano turned to his relative. "Much appreciated." Then he asked the black-haired kappa a question. "And why did you let me catch you so easily? What's the deal with those goggles, anyway?"

"Research," the noirette remarked. "And the back of my thighs are going to get a rash. You're dragging us too roughly."

The ninja disguised as a monk raised a brow. "Research, you say? In your case, you're using it as a safety word." He resumed pulling the disgruntled trio.

"Am I?" The noirette challenged. "I've observed your so-called Iron Body technique, sir. By next month, I and a friend of mine will have a way to emulate that technique."

The big man was impressed. He whistled.

"Nothing's better than the original, y'know." Chie giggled.

"I swear, black and white stripes must be the color of the day," the redhead muttered. "You've flashed me, like, twelve times in the last five minutes."

Chie blushed, tightening the sash around her waist once again. "It's not my fault! Blame her!" She indicated at Youmu… who was still trailing behind them. "Speaking of… why are you still following us?"

"I…" Youmu began uncertainly. After seeing Sano, she nearly forgot the purpose of her mission. "I… I must…"

Sano suddenly stopped in his wake and dropped the chain he was pulling. "You're ready to fight now?" He turned to the half-ghost and brandished his kusarigama. "You're still up to the challenge, right?"

Youmu hesitantly unsheathed her sword. She was now blushing helplessly. "Y-yes… I accept your challenge."

"Shred her shorts into pieces while you're at it, Sano," said Chie. "Make her know how it feels to be in her skivvies without a spare bottom!"

"For my sake, I hope that she doesn't wear her underwear two sizes too small…" Miss Redhead muttered. "How obscene…"

"Shut the fuck up, you!" Chie admonished. "Jealous, much? It looks obscene to you because I have such a nice waistline-hip ratio."

"For your sake, hanyou, I hope your vanity doesn't get you killed someday," Redhead retorted, causing her comrades to giggle.

"She certainly has a nice shape," the noirette grinned. "It's too bad her personality don't match."

"Yep, true that…" the blonde added, exhaling enough breath to cause the bottom half of Chie's kimono to flip. She admittedly enjoyed the occasional glimpse of the kunoichi's smooth waist, thighs, wide hips, and taut panties. "Let that thing breathe, Sister!"

"H-HEY! Stop that!" Chie shrieked, tugging her kimono down past the middle of her thighs.

"I told ya that you shoulda wore a traditional dogi," said Sano. He turned to Youmu once more. "Now… where were we?"

The half-ghost strengthened her resolve and hesitantly took a stance. "Very well…"

However, just before Youmu engaged the ninja in battle, everyone suddenly sensed a presence from a lone cottage near the river. "Wait…" Sano paused in uncertainty. "Something's odd here…" The sound of the watermill besides the house was peaceful, yet there was a sense of dread at the moment.

Chie felt her elder relative's unease. "Yea… tell me about it. It's coming from that house."

The kappa trio knew the presence. "Oh hell…" the blonde said.

Youmu noticed the troubled tone in the kappa's voice. "What? What is it?"

"You'll find out soon enough…" Blondie murmured.

The presence shrouded them like a sudden storm cloud invading a cloudless day. What they sensed… was almost tangible. It wasn't an evil force, but it was potent – overwhelming if given the circumstance. Had the presence been evil, they'd probably be fleeing in terror right at the moment. What they felt was a force that has governed the earth – no, reality since Creation. It was a force that has been around even before the first stars in the universe came into being. They sensed a force that every single sentient being should be aware of.

"Oh my…" sang a dulcet voice.

It was the dark side of fate.

FOREST OF MAGIC – Alice's House

It has been a long day for Alice Margatroid. The past twenty-four hours had been a mentally exhausting time for her. And what's worse, it was only the beginning. The investigations were tedious and stress-amassing. And dealing with Marisa and Kotohime didn't make things any better. Sometimes, it wasn't worth cooperating with those two – especially Kotohime. But at the very least, they've apprehended a few fugitives and incarcerated them in the village jailhouse.

They were finally making progress.

Alice entered the den and flopped on her couch. Oh, what she would do for a quick bath right now! She had been in the dank jailhouse all day, interrogating crooks. The puppeteer unfastened her sash and removed her caplet. "Hourai! Shanghai!"

Her trusty dolls arrived in the den, ready for her command.

"You two mind fetching me a cup of hot tea? I could use a drink right now."

Hourai and Shanghai bowed and entered the kitchen. And then there was a knocking on her front door.

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!

"Aw, don't tell me…" Alice sighed in annoyance. The knocking on the door persisted and the puppeteer rose from her comfort zone. She reached the door and opened it – ready to cuss out the usual visitor. "Marisa, for the love of Suwako, what the heck do you want now?"

But… there was no one there.

Alice grew confused. She could have sworn that someone was knocking her door just now. "Eh? I'm certain that I've heard a-"

"So this is where you live," said a male's voice.

Before Alice can react, she was met by someone hanging upside-down from above: white hair, golden eyes, pearly-white teeth, and an angular face. "What? How did you – Mmmmph!"

Alice was silenced when a pair of warm lips pressed into hers. It was a surprise kiss of a madman.

And what shocked the puppeteer the most was the fact that she reciprocated it. She cupped the inverted face of her intruder in her hands and deepened the kiss. "Mmmmmm~…"

Behind her, Shanghai and Hourai dropped their trays of tea in shock.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Special thanks to Achariyth1 and Mephiles666 for prereading. Their help are highly appreciated.

The guest characters Minako and Sasuke Ito were created by Willie G.R. and Mephiles666, respectively. Go read their stories. They're totally worth it.

I apologize for the four month hiatus. Work, YouTube, research, other fanfics, and generally assing off in my free times are the reasons behind my delay. The recent worldwide release of Tekken Tag Tournament 2 doesn't help either. As expected, that game is truuuly addicting. Also, researching ninjutsu is totally exhausting! Reading from many sources (from wiki articles, to ninja myths and spirituality, to checking out old books from locale libraries) I can say that I was trapped in Research Hell. And to tell you the truth, I still am. I read interesting and weird tales of the ninja: from hidden agents in the days of Prince Shotoku, to vague implications that one of earliest schools of ninjutsu were founded by Chinese monks. And, and - AAAAARGH! My brain is smoking!

I'll try not to drown in such research again. On the bright side, I have a pretty neat head start on the finale of this incident.

Til next episode!