Esme laid curled up in her husband's arms on the loveseat in his darkened study, the afternoon having given away to night some hours ago. Her back pressed against his strong broad chest as she entwined her fingers through his to hold his hand to her breast. Carlisle nipped her ear causing his mate to squeal before he slowly snaked his tongue down her neck and lightly kissed the new scar on her shoulder while they both relaxed in the afterglow of their love making.
"You do know that we really need to call the children home. We can't keep them away from the house all night," Esme whispered as she brought her husband's hand up to her lips.
Carlisle purred quietly as Esme's lips closed on his index finger as she suckled gently before pulling away and kissing his palm.
"Spending the night out in the woods might do them some good. Let them get back in touch with their wild sides. I know experiencing my animal nature has worked wonders for me." He growled as he deeply inhaled his mate's scent while pulling his hand free to allow it to wander down her body only to have her slap it away.
"Doctor Cullen, are you telling me that your lust has not yet been satiated?"
"Mrs. Cullen," he trilled softly in her ear. "You know that I can never get enough of my gorgeous wife. I could bed her twenty four hours a day and never be satisfied."
She mewled softly and pressed against his hand as it dipped between her legs stoking the fire within her back to life.
"I must say, Little Miss, I do enjoy seeing you get all worked up like this." He smiled as he deeply inhaled his mate's sweet scent, tasting her essence on the air filling his lungs.
Brushing her hair to the side he caught the nape of her neck in his teeth the moment that her orgasm peaked inducing a soft growl from his mate that faded off into a rumbling purr. Releasing his hold, he trailed kisses down her neck and across her shoulder before she managed to roll around in his arms to face him with half closed eyes.
Carlisle kissed her deeply as his tongue plunged into the softness of her mouth then pulled back slightly and murmured, "Still want to call the children home?"
She shook her head, but sighed. "No, but we have to. All good things must come to an end, my love."
"Nothing ever truly ends; it just gets postponed until a little later, lover." Carlisle kissed Esme again before reluctantly allowing her to slip from his arms. He propped himself up on an elbow while he watched his wife gather up her clothes that he had carelessly strewn about.
"You will fix this blouse, Mister."
Carlisle's warm laugh filled the room. "Already told you that is a job for Alice."
"I don't want a new one, Carlisle. I want to see your surgeon's hands putting things to right." Pulling on her pants she sauntered back over to him and kissed him tenderly before giving his cheek a light slap. "You broke it; you, Carlisle Cullen, are responsible for fixing it. You will kindly leave poor overworked Alice out of your messes." Esme took his hand in hers turning it palm side up and, placing the buttons in it, rolled his fingers closed over them. "Be sure not to lose any. These aren't very easy to match." Giving him a wink, she gently raked her fingers through his hair then stepped away.
"Alright. Alright. I'll sew the buttons back on before work tomorrow. I promise." Dragging himself up from the small couch, Carlisle located his slacks and slipped them on before he padded quietly towards the window. Motion near the tree line easily drew his attention. "You know, sometimes Alice's ability is a little disconcerting. I'm not sure how I feel about her actually seeing what goes on all the time."
Esme glanced towards her husband still bare chested standing in a puddle of moonlight as it streamed in through the glass pane. A contented purr rolled up her throat as she studied him with the pale light illuminating his fair features. She never tired of marveling at her mate who, with all his quirks and flaws, could never be less than perfect in her eyes.
"At least Alice is discreet. Imagine if it were Emmett who had her gift."
Carlisle turned towards Esme horror stricken at the very thought. "Bite your tongue, woman. I don't believe any of us would be able to survive that."
Esme giggled as she slid up next to her mate and kissed his cheek. "That's why it doesn't bother me that Alice is the one who knows all." She watched as her children crossed the yard heading towards the house paired off with the exception of Edward. "I do hope Edward finds someone soon. I feel so sorry for him. He always seems a little melancholy, but I guess at least part of that may be from his tortured artist's spirit."
"When the time is right his mate will find him. There is someone for everyone, but these things can't be rushed and since we mate for life... well he needs to make sure he takes his time to find his true soul mate."
She nodded, her eyes never leaving her slender bronze haired son. "The soul mate to a being who believes he lacks a soul."
"She will be his soul." Carlisle gazed down at Esme as he moved slightly behind her and wrapped her in his arms. "Just as you are mine."
Esme smiled as she enjoyed the warmth and security of her lover's embrace for a few moments before patting his arm gently to encourage him to release her. "I'm going to go take a quick shower before heading down stairs. Care to join me?"
"I would, but I don't believe the children would be very happy about that." He grinned as his eyes twinkled mischievously.
"I meant join me downstairs." She rolled her eyes as she laughed at his silliness.
"Sure you did." He quirked an eyebrow then bent down to kiss Esme's forehead. "Go on and I'll be down in a few minutes. I need to get things picked up first."
Esme glanced at the papers scattered all around before she groaned slightly. "I'll give you a hand with that?"
Carlisle simply shook his head. "You'll do no such thing. I have it, love. Go on and take your shower. Besides, keeping my hands busy in here might insure your safety in there for just a little bit. If I don't have some occupation, I would say that you would be in trouble because the idea of joining you in the shower is becoming more tempting by the second."
"And you wondered why I designed the bathroom with such a large shower to begin with." His wife laughed as she slipped away and walk to the door. "I have no worries about being safe; it's the children's sensibilities that are more of a concern." With a light giggle she disappeared into the hall.
"You think far too much about our children's sensibilities," Carlisle called after her as he began to gather his clothing and scattered paperwork.
"It's so nice to know that at least somebody thinks about us," came Edward's voice from downstairs bringing a smile to Carlisle's face. As he settled down at his desk to reorganize his patient reports a reoccurring foreboding tugged at his soul. He had managed to keep it at bay when surrounded by his family, yet once he was alone with his thoughts it continually returned with a vengeance; the plaguing thoughts of 'what if.'
With a quiet sigh, Carlisle closed his eyes and leaned his head back while he listened to the sounds of life downstairs as he reflected on just how different things might have been right now had Esme not been able to muzzle his beast. How would he have even been able to go on with the death of his son hanging over his head had the worst happen? He would have lost his children for certain and possibly his mate. Their enduring ability to trust him so freely even now was a curiosity to Carlisle considering that he still wasn't completely comfortable with the idea that he could trust himself.
He rubbed his eyes then slowly opened them and flicked on his antique desk lamp, hoping the soft glow would drive back his demons of self-hatred, but instead the nagging voices simply grew bolder. He had wanted to... no, he had needed to make amends with Jasper; instead he caused his son more pain in the name of justice. He should have had to beg for Alice's forgiveness for what he had done to her mate. Instead, his ever caring daughter had not only appeared to overlook his sin, but had seen fit to show concern for his own wretched state; seemingly placing his wellbeing above that of her mate's. He deserved her fury, even hatred, but in the place of such righteous emotions she had offered sympathy, acceptance and love.
Carlisle shook his head as he reached around in a bottom drawer of his desk to find a clip to secure his reports. Here he was trying to teach his offspring compassion when perhaps he should have been taking notes from them all along. As his sensitive fingers closed around the elusive clip, they brushed against another long forgotten object tucked safely away from sight. A curious expression formed on Carlisle's face as his mind drifted back to the time when Emmett had given it to him. The suggestions that his boy shared with him had slightly shocked him at the time and he quickly dismissed the idea, but perhaps his view had been too narrow leading him to dismiss the value far too hastily.
Grasping the rubber handle he carefully pulled it from the draw and turned it over in his hands. In truth it seemed innocent enough, but he knew what it could do in skilled hands. The leather had stiffened slightly from neglect though it would take very little to remedy that oversight. Carlisle rolled it around in his hands again before a chill raced the length of his spine. He couldn't believe he was actually considering this. His helpmate was the only one he could confide in; the only one to whom he could bare his soul to ask for help in seeking forgiveness for his sin, but did he have the courage to ask? How would she respond? Would she think that he had gone mad or view the idea as preposterous as it had first seemed to him? Would she laugh at the ridiculousness of it all or be insulted that he would even dare to bring something like this up to one who had suffered so in her past?
Carlisle exhaled slowly as he flicked the wide leather tip with his finger. Perhaps it was pointless anyway. Maybe it was divine will that he was to suffer the guilt of his transgression until such time as it naturally abated. Hadn't he just recently broached that same topic with his son? What if he had more to learn through his suffering which is what kept atonement just out of his reach? Then again, what if he was meant to come across this tool of possible penance because he was finally being granted the absolution he so desperately desired?
"Carlisle, have you changed your mind about joining me downstairs?"
Esme's voice startled him out of his reflection. Swiftly he rolled the crop into the uppermost drawer and out of sight feeling slightly embarrassed as he stepped away from the desk. Why did he suddenly feel like a naughty child caught doing something that he shouldn't have been? Coughing softly to mask his uneasiness he looked up to meet Esme's shimmering golden gaze. "I'm sorry, dear. What was that? I was a bit distracted."
"I see that you haven't dressed, though don't take that as a complaint in any form." She reached out to lightly drag her nails over his chest as she purred softly enough that only he could hear. "It did, however make me wonder if you had decided against coming downstairs to spend some time with the children and I. Alice is picking out some movies as we speak. If you would like to have a voice in the matter, I believe we should hurry."
Carlisle exhaled quietly as he felt himself relax. "Just let me go run and grab a shirt. I'll be right down, sweetheart."
Esme cocked her head and gave her mate a puzzled look. "Is something bothering you, Carlisle?"
He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her lips gently. "Sometimes I believe you know me too well." He pulled back and gave her a sad smile. "I just have some things to think about. It really isn't anything to worry with."
"Are you sure? I am a good listener."
He nodded. "I know you are, but this is something that I have to decide on my own. When I do you will be the only one I'll talk to." He hugged her tightly, briefly granting himself the luxury of a bit of reprieve from his troubles before walking her towards the door. "Go save us a spot on the couch and tell Alice to dig out 'The Sting' for me. I think I'm in the mood for a little Newman and Redford tonight."
"Alright, but don't be long. You know how restless the natives can get when you keep them waiting." Kissing her mate one last time Esme headed down the hall and out of sight.
Carlisle closed his eyes as he listened to her faint footfalls on the stairs then turned towards their bedroom with a sigh. My cherished beloved, what will you say if I ask you to do this for me? Will you be angry that I forced this decision upon you? Will you think less of me for not being able to deal this on my own? Pinching the bridge of his nose he blocked his thoughts to the best of his ability to shift his focus on just enjoying the evening with his family. There would still be time to ruminate later and if he was lucky enough he might find a better way to overcome his guilt, leaving Esme none the wiser of his foolish notion. If only.
AN: Yes, many had guessed correctly some time back that this was where I was going. If Carlisle has faith in the value of corporal punishment to alleviate the stress of guilt, wouldn't he logically make that leap once he felt that he had no other option in conquering his own guilt? Convincing Esme may be a bit more of a challenge though. She will not want to cause Carlisle pain and to try to convince her to do so this soon after Rosalie's upsetting outburst... Well, I have to think that Carlisle has his work cut out for him, if this really is the absolution that he feels he needs.
caughtforCarlisle's crop in "Breaking the Rules" was what inspired me to write this and she was kind enough to loan it to me. Of course while I was able to keep the fact that Emmett was the one that gave it to Carlisle, the time line gets a bit wonky since I am per-Twilight and her story deals with Edward and Bella's misdeeds. Oh well, just a bit of artistic license there.
Many thanks for all the wonderful ongoing support. Y'all make everything worthwhile.
My thanks, of course, to Splinter for her hard work at catching my mistakes and keeping me from looking too much like an idiot. ;-)