A/N Thank you for all the reviews :) You all really know how to make a girl feel special :)
As usual - don't own a thing, Charlaine Harris owns all
Chapter 18 – EPOV
Walking down the corridor toward the plane was painful. I could feel Sookie's eyes watching me since I had let her hand go and I fought against myself every step to turn around and go back to her. When I paused at the corner I had to close my eyes, this was the hardest thing I had done in a long time… I really long time.
I turned the corner and if Trey hadn't been with me I think I would have cried. I leant against the wall for a second and took a deep breath. I wanted to stay so badly. I knew that she had been trying to keep it together, she had only cried softly while I held her, but I knew it would come out after I couldn't hear her anymore.
I hated that I had made her cry, I hated that this hurt so much, I hated that my leaving was hurting her so much, I hated that there was nothing I could do about it, and I hated that I would have to do this again more than once before we graduated.
I practically ran the rest of the way to the door of the plane. I settled into my seat and buried my face in my hands. Trey put a hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me somehow. It was times like this that I wished it was ok for guys to cry. I pulled my book out of my carry on and shoved the bag under the seat in front of me.
"This fucking sucks Trey" I said quietly
"I know man" he replied "I hate that I can't do anything about it"
"You and me both" I sighed, closing my eyes and resting my head against the back of the seat, trying to compose myself… when I heard the door shut and the engines rev up to pull away from the terminal, my emotions got the better of me. The lump in my throat was choking me and a tear escaped the corner of my eye. I sucked in a deep breath and looked out the window at the night as the flight attendants started their safety talk.
A while later someone started snoring, it pulled me out of my own head and reminded me that I wasn't alone. I'd been reading since take off and although none of it was sinking in, I hadn't felt like making conversation. I felt guilty about being such a bad travel companion for Trey though. He was just as upset about leaving his family as I was about leaving Sookie. I just wanted to be back in Bon Temps with her even if she did snore like a jet engine.
The thought of Sookie's snoring made me chuckle. I still couldn't believe that no-one had told her she was so loud.
"What's funny" Trey asked listlessly
"Sookie snores" I said with a smirk "louder than that guy over there" I said pointing out the man a couple of rows down who had managed to fall asleep, much to the annoyance of passengers nearby
Trey chuckled at that "That's pretty loud man"
"I know… I was sleeping next to it" I chuckled "Adele said she slept with earplugs while giving me the talk about not wanting great grandchildren just yet and I thought… well… you can imagine" I said turning to him.
"Yup" he said with a laugh and a raised eyebrow.
"But no…" I continued "she says she was warning me."
Trey laughed and clapped me on the arm. "I knew there was something I liked about her"
"As much as saying goodbye ripped my fucking guts out, I'm glad I stayed over" I said "Thanks for inviting me down man" I continued
"No problem Eric" he smiled "anytime… I should thank you for taking me with you to meet her and introducing me to Amelia"
"I'm glad you hit it off, she's good value" I laughed
"She's pretty awesome" he agreed.
We settled in to talk, catching up on what went on while I was in Bon Temps. We had a couple of stops which was annoying but unavoidable; I hated airport food so with a watery cup of coffee we dug into the supplies Maggie had packed for us when we stopped in Dallas. A few hours later we were in Newark and then on to Ithaca.
Trey and I shared a taxi back to our neighborhood. I said goodbye, gave him some cash and dragged my tired ass inside to collapse on the couch. It was just past nine at night when I got in so I pulled out my phone and called Sookie.
"Hi" she cooed "I won't keep you long you must be wrecked"
"Yeah, but not from the flight" I said softly.
"I ate a pint of Haagen-Dazs" she confessed
"What flavor?" I asked with a chuckle, wishing I had some myself
"Dulce de leche… I wish I had more" she said with a snigger "what is it about icecream that makes stuff less crappy?"
"I have no idea, but I wish I had some myself" I sighed "It was tough leaving you"
"It was tough letting you leave" she said "I'm sorry I cried… I made it harder for you"
"No… it would have been hard regardless" I said softly "I don't know how I'm going to be able to do that again, but I can't stand the thought of not seeing you either."
"I know what you mean" she whispered "Maybe it'll get easier the more we have to do it?" she suggested, not sounding anywhere near convinced.
"It will never be easy to leave you Sookie" I said, getting up and moving into the bedroom. "Hang on a second, I'm just going to get in bed" I stripped down and fell into bed, pulling my pillow against my chest and wishing I had thought to bring something that smelled of Sookie home with me…
"I miss you" she whispered
"Ditto" I said sadly
We were both so tired we didn't try to talk much, but I was happy just knowing she was there. When we couldn't keep our eyes open anymore we said I love you and hung up. My eyes were stinging but I fell asleep before I knew if I cried or not.
Mom called soon after I woke up the next morning wanting to know all about the trip. I told her about staying in Bon Temps, but left out how hard it was leaving Sookie at the airport. I told her about Amelia and Trey hitting it off and asked her about coming to visit Bon Temps with Pam and I after Christmas and checked if it was ok for Sookie, Jason, Adele and Amelia to join us for New Years. Of course she was excited about all of it, as I thought she would be, but as Adele had pointed out, it was better to ask first.
We chatted about what was going on with her and Pam. Although I was trying to hide it she picked up that I was sad about leaving Sookie behind and wondered if there was any way she or I could transfer to be closer together. I told her about our plans to see each other every month by swapping who was flying where, although I liked the idea of transferring there wasn't any point when we were both so close to graduating.
After Mom had talked herself out I rang Adele to organize for Christmas and let her know that the plans for New Years had been okayed by Mom. Adele asked how I was and I told her the truth… I was miserable. She told me that Sookie was the same and she wished there was something she could do. We chatted for a little longer before Adele let me go.
Talking with them both made me feel a little better, but I decided I was going to take a page out of Sookie's book and pig out on ice-cream. I called Trey to come over to watch some movies and ran out to the shops to pick up a few pints.
When Trey arrived I was already started on the Dulce de leche and he raised an eyebrow at me for being such a girl.
"Don't knock it until you've tried it Trey" I said handing him a spoon
"Ok, but none of this gets to Pam" he said warningly
"I'm the one who's acting like a chick Trey, I don't think I'm going to tell her you joined me for a chick flick marathon if I'm the one that started it" I said with a laugh
"We're not really watching chick flicks are we?" he asked slightly worried
"Fuck no!" I laughed "I'm just a little emo, I'm not jumping the fence"
"Well… Good… cause you're too attractive already without adding the boobs" he teased
"Shut up and sit down" I said and started Anti-trust.
"Shit Eric" he moaned "Anti-trust again?"
"Shut up Trey… eat your fucking ice-cream" I smirked "My tv, my choice… you pick the next one"
"Damn right I am" he pouted and took a huge spoonful of chocolate chocolate chip and shoved it in his mouth, groaning a few seconds later at the massive brain freeze he'd just given himself.
I couldn't help but laugh and I started to feel a little better… maybe there really was something to this ice-cream thing.
We spent the rest of the day on the couch, pigging out on ice-cream and watching movies. Trey's choice of Hackers was just as bad, if not worse than mine, because at least my choice was better tech wise. He only wanted to watch it for Jolie I'm sure.
Classes resumed a day later and although we didn't learn anything new, I went to give myself a reason to get out of the house. Our two week study period commenced another week later and I tried to spend time with Trey every couple of days to keep myself from becoming a hermit. I wasn't studying to make sure I did well on my tests, I was studying to try and keep my mind off Sookie and how much I missed her.
As we had discussed over Thanksgiving we started using Skype instead of the phone. The video chats helped ease the knot in my chest although it never went completely. It made me happy to see her smile, but knowing I couldn't hold her made me miss her just that little bit more every day.
Just before my exams started I received a package from Sookie. Inside was a framed photo of the two of us together, along with a CD that according to the label had more photos on it. There was also a pillow that was covered in Sookie's perfume and a mixed music CD with a little notebook underneath. I chuckled at the idea of her making me a mixed tape.
I pulled the pillow to my face and the knot that was ever present in my chest released a little and I let out a choked sigh. There was a lump in my throat and my eyes were stinging. I hadn't realized how much her scent had affected me over the days and night we had spent together.
I put the CD into my computer to check out the photos. There were only about 18 in all, all of the ones we had taken when we were under the tree, a couple of her stretched out in the sun from last summer, she had obviously thought them too sexy to share with me before, although I have to say that I really appreciated them being here now.
The last photo was of us cuddled up on the couch in conversation on the night that I had stayed over. It had obviously been taken without our knowledge and we were completely engrossed in each other. It was a beautiful photo and the emotions we felt for each other were clearly written on our faces, it was incredible, I loved it.
I set the last photo as my background and ejected the CD, replacing it with the mixed music one. It loaded up and I pressed play wondering what she had included on it. I laughed as the first song started and realized it was Kiss Me by Sixpence none the Richer.
I flipped open the notebook and smiled seeing her bubbly writing covering the page…
Dear Eric,
This would probably make a better Valentines gift than anything else, but I'm missing you more than I ever thought possible and knowing that something of me will be with you until I can be there myself helps me miss you a little less.
As you can see I've made up a mixed music CD, I've picked songs that make me think of you. Some of them are girly so I don't expect you to listen to them all. I wrote the lyrics out in this book because they say the things I'm to chicken to say… and so that you don't have to subject your ears to the ones that are sure to drive you crazy.
The photo I've framed obviously speaks for its self and hope it makes you smile. The last picture on the data CD stunned me when I saw it the first time. I knew you loved me but seeing what we have from a third person perspective is just amazing to me so of course I had to share it with you, I hope you like it as much as I do.
I know it makes me sound like a complete dork, but when I got home from the airport I stole/kept the shirt you wore while you were here and put it on a pillow, it helps me sleep and forget that you're not here. So as you can smell I sprayed the pillow with my perfume and slept with it for a couple of nights, I figured if your shirt helps me then this might help you miss me a little less.
You've helped me so much, just by being you, the fact that you love me is a miraculous bonus that I never expected, so thank you for being the kind, caring, wonderful person you are and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you've made me.
I realize how corny this whole pack is, but it's the only thing I can think of to help you long distance until we can be together again.
I love you
Forever yours
Sookie
The song finished and went over to All I want is You by U2. I flicked through the rest of the notebook, checking through the songs she included. There were definitely a few songs in there that I wouldn't listen to more than once. I can't imagine Pam letting it go if she ever heard me listening to I Wanna Be with You by Mandy Moore.
Before I met Sookie I would have laughed at someone else receiving something like this, but it was incredibly sweet and brave of her to ignore the corniness of her gesture. It made me love her more and as I smelled the pillow yet again, I flopped back onto the bed, imagined holding her and relaxed for the first time since I left Louisiana.
I printed out the picture of Sookie and I on the couch to put in my wallet, I don't know why but it helped me concentrate on my exams, knowing that the more exams I finished and finished well were another step closer to being with her always.
The day I finished my last exam I went out and bought all my Christmas presents. Without Pam around to bug me I didn't mind shopping so much, but I would rather get it all done in one go rather than in bits and pieces.
I stopped in at Trey's to wish him happy holidays and give him his gift. He would of course be spending it with his family although I promised to try and get up to Shreveport while I was in Bon Temps to say hi. He blushed when he asked if I would give Amelia his Christmas present, I was in too good a mood to tease him for it though so I just nodded instead.
I was flying out early in the morning, so after a quick manly hug I went on my way to triple check my luggage and get some sleep. Sookie called on Skype so she could show me how she had decorated her room in Bon Temps, she was so excited that Christmas was almost here it made me laugh and imagine what she would be like when we had kids to share it with.
"I just love Christmas, decorating the house and the smell of pine trees, Christmas carols, candy canes…" she sighed "The only thing I don't like about it is the presents"
"If I want to give someone something I will, if I don't want to and do it anyway it makes me feel two faced" she continued "If I want something, I can go and buy it for myself, I don't want to wait for someone to give it to me… and getting something I don't like? Or from someone I don't like? I just feel like such a big liar."
"Sookie, you hate receiving gifts, period." I chuckled
"Not all the time!" she said defensively
"You get embarrassed when you get a gift regardless of the reason or the person" I laughed "admit it… you're a bad gift receiver!"
"Am not!" she huffed
"When's the last time you got something from someone and didn't make a big fuss about how it was too much and they didn't have to get you something?" I asked, crossing my arms and watching her face change as she though.
"Umm" she said quietly
"Exactly" I laughed
"I'm thinking!" she protested with a laugh
"You can't think of anything because it was either too long ago or it never happened" I said with a triumphant smile
"Well… that doesn't change anything" she said crossing her arms over her chest and pouting.
"Of course it does" I laughed "Not everyone who gives something is doing it because they want something back or because they feel like they have to…"
"Yes, but…" she protested
"Not finished!" I laughed as I interrupted "And the people you love who give you presents? Give them to you because they either think you'll like it, or they think you'd never get it for yourself. If I give you something, no matter the price tag or size or reason, it's because I want to, not because I'm trying to prove something…"
"You're…" she protested again
"Sookie… still not finished!" I said with a smile "I would like you to trust that I am doing things for you from a good place and not because I'm trying to buy you. I'd like to trust that you would accept a gift from me and not worry about you getting upset that I spent too much or risk you giving it back."
"Eric! I…"she gasped sounding offended
"Shhh" I said raising my eyebrow and smirking at her "I'm sure that Adele and Jason and Amelia are the same, Mom and Pam too. So… as a gift to me… Could you try to receive your gifts this year without a fuss?"
"Can I talk now?" she asked raising an eyebrow and smirking back at me.
"If you want to…I just wanted to finish my point…" I said with a laugh
"You're a butt head" she said with a pout
"Yep… am I wrong though?" I asked with a laugh.
"No" she said quietly
"Sorry, what was that?" I sat forward with my hand behind my ear
"No" she said a little louder
"Still can't hear you" I laughed
She poked out her tongue and blew a raspberry at me "I'll try" she said "I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings"
"YES!" I said pumping my arms into the air "I WIN!"
Sookie burst into laughter and called me a butt head again, but I could see that she was seriously considering what I had said. I knew that there wasn't much money to spare when she was growing up, and I knew that He Who Shall Not Be Named and his poisonous family had showered her with stuff to make her 'acceptable'.
"Mom and Pam are serial 'just because' gift givers. If they see something they think someone would like, it's bought and in a bag before you can blink" I said in gentle retaliation to the butt head accusation "so in defense of myself, I just wanted to make sure you know there's nothing behind it other than 'I think Sookie would like this' when the give you something out of the blue, Ok?"
"Ok" she laughed "it's going to take a little getting used to, but ok."
"Good…" I smiled "now tell me all about what goodies you're going to be cooking up for me" I laughed
We talked for a while longer, Sookie listing off all the things that would be baked for the holiday and going into raptures about how awesome the house would smell after their cooking marathon.
"I can't wait for everyone to get here. I'm a little nervous about meeting your Mom and Pam, but it'll turn out ok, right?" she asked nervously
"I can't wait either" I said softly "and Mom and Pam are going to love you. They already think you're great because I talk about things other than computers and astronomy now" I laughed then surprised myself by letting out a huge yawn "Sorry! I think I need to say goodnight."
"It's one more sleep closer to seeing you so I guess I'll let you off the hook this time" she laughed
"Oh thank you" I said sarcastically
"You're welcome" she said with a smirk
"Love you Sookie" I said gently, blowing her a kiss and feeling like a complete dork.
She giggled and pretended to catch it "Love you too Eric" she replied and blew me one back before disconnecting.
I'm turning into a complete sap, and I couldn't be happier about it, I thought as I fell into bed and pulled Sookie's pillow to my face.
A/N: Christmas is coming! WOO HOO!