AN: I am back! Not only was my vacation Potter-filled (my other, less serious love) but I found a life size statue of Lon Chaney after the unmasking in the silent movie! I definitely took pictures. Also, there was a mask there. Not sure if it was the one used in the movie, but it looked just like it.

CHAPTER WHATEVER IT IS!

The sting from Christine's slap had long since worn off but the shock from it was still sinking in. Gerry was equally amazed at how quickly she could walk away, and was struggling to keep up while carrying stolen food.

"Slow down! Come on, it wasn't like I even insulted you…Christine, come back! Please?" he panted, legs burning after so much power-walking.

"I'm going to find Raoul," she said firmly. Gerry's eyes widened.

"No, no, no, trust me, you do NOT want to do that…"

"Why not?" she demanded, not looking back.

"Because…I need you here to help me and if I get lost and starve to death or something, you'll be SO upset…"

"I doubt it."

Appalled, Gerry sped up. "I'm better than Erik, at least, and you were never this unforgiving to—"

"He was never this RUDE to me!" she huffed as she turned a corner sharply.

"I'm SORRY, ok? Honey—" At this, she abruptly stopped.

"What did you call me?"

Gerry, catching his breath, replied, "Sorry, I'm just used to calling women that when I'm chasing them down apologizing…"

"This happens often?" Christine mused as she crossed her arms.

"Well, occasionally."

"I suggest you look into what you're doing wrong."

Gerry just sighed. After a moment of looking at him, Christine turned to walk away again, but a hand on her wrist stopped her. She tried to yank it away, but he gripped tighter.

"Let go," she growled, yanking it again. He shook his head.

"Not until you stop trying to get to Raoul."

"Better than Erik, you say? You're just like him!"

"No, he kept you here because he's obsessed with you. I actually need you," he corrected her.

"You could have Nadir help you."

"Yeah, well, I like you better," he said curtly. Christine looked suspicious but said nothing, just glared at him. He loosened his grip but didn't let go.

"Please."

"Fine."

"Good choice," Gerry said with mock enthusiasm, letting go of her. She was still irritated.

"Where to?" she asked, rubbing her wrist.

"Here is fine."

As he said this, he promptly set the food down and seated himself on the stone floor next to it. Christine (rather reluctantly) did the same, convincing herself that she was hungry anyway. After a minute of silent eating, Gerry wondered aloud, "How do you think Emmy and Erik are doing?"

Christine laughed sarcastically. "If he hasn't driven her entirely mad, she's doing quite well."

/

Of course, thought Erik, staring stonily in front of him when he managed to have Patrick sitting between him and Emmy, with Minnie Driver on his other side.

Stuck between the two people I hated most in my own life—and one of them hardly acts any different than who he's playing. Oh, just look at him, making advances on a 'minor'…

(Actually, all Patrick was doing was making menu suggestions for Emmy.) Quickly looking back at his empty plate when Emmy caught him glaring at them, Erik started thinking about his own world.

Poor Christine, from what Emmy said, Gerry must be throwing himself at her most inappropriately. And in MY body! She must think I'm more undone than she previously believed..unless he told her and she believed him. Oh no—what if she prefers him to me? What if she even fancies him? No…impossible. Even though his real face is perfect, the one he has now is not…but perhaps, if I ever do return—if I choose to—he might change her opinion of ME. Emmy said they filmed a scene about my time at the fair…Christine never knew about that. But Gerry does. Maybe he will tell her and she will understand me at last.

"Gerard?"

"Hm?"

Erik was shaken out of his thoughts by a pleasant British voice—strangely, coming from the Carlotta look-alike.

Since when does she sound decent?

"Miranda was asking you a question," said Minnie, motioning to the Madame Giry actresss, who smiled subtly.

"I was just asking how you and Emmy are getting along."

Minnie appeared as if she found this a strange question, but just looked at Erik for his answer.

"Um…we're doing quite well, I believe."

A look of surprise passed over both women's faces when they heard him speak, but more so on Minnie, who said, "You sound different…"

Erik quickly explained. "Yeah, I decided to lose my accent..for the role, you know."

"Maybe Jennifer should do the same," Minnie joked. Realizing Jennifer must be Meg—the actress with a really thick Liverpool accent—Erik smiled and nodded. Then he turned to Miranda.

"Why did you ask about Emmy and me?"

"You just seem like you're becoming good friends," said the older woman smoothly.

"They've been close this whole time, haven't they?" asked the Carlotta actress, confused.

"Well, yes, I suppose so. Just a bit closer now."

At this, Miranda gave Erik a mysterious smile then, and he tensed up, feeling strange. It was almost as if she knew he wasn't actually Gerry.

No. That's absurd, he shrugged it off.

"I bet you're looking forward to the Don Juan scene coming up," said Minnie mischievously. Putting on his most Gerry-like demeanor, Erik grinned and nodded vigorously.

"Oh yeah. That's going to be loads of fun."

Somehow, the guy who played Piangi invited himself into the conversation, pointing at Erik with a joking smile.

"He gets to kill me!"

It was all Erik could do to NOT kill him right then. That man annoyed him to no end. Soon, the waiter came around to pour their glasses with wine and everyone got to ordering. Erik picked something random. The table was quiet until a darkhaired man whom Erik didn't know stood with his glass raised.

"A toast," he declared, "To a fantastic cast and crew!"

"And to a great production," Joel added, also toasting, which everyone else did as well. With this, they all took a good drink of wine together. Erik found it funny tasting, and panicked internally for a moment before realizing it must be due to the difference in location, time, and production of the wine. After a few sips, he figured it was rather good.

The evening passed slowly, with lots of friendly exchanges and small talk, then they finally received their meals. Erik had no idea what he had ordered, except that it was entirely covered in cheese. Whatever it was, it tasted good enough for him to scarf down with his new ravenous appetite. Unfortunately, he had to wait quite a while for everyone else to finish, which was excruciatingly boring.

Before he knew it, he had lost count of how many drinks he'd had.

Only then did someone ask if he was even supposed to be drinking.

"He's fine, he's been sober long enough now to handle it," Emmy said quickly, but unsurely. Rolling his head in her direction, Erik squinted, trying to focus.

"Christine?"

"Wow, he's really gone!" said someone else. Patrick put his hand on Erik's shoulder, trying to get a look at his face to see just how drunk he was.

"You okay?"

Erik thought he had violently shoved his rival away, but all he actually did was weakly shake the hand off his shoulder and shift a few inches back.

I think…yes, I'm supposed to…I'm Gerry…right…all this…not even real…

In a new state of calm, Erik chuckled quietly, his eyes half closed.

"I'm completely, utterly…splendid!"

All eyes were on him now—all twenty two pairs.

"Did you notice him drinking that much?"

"Nope, did you?"

Emmy stood up and gently pulled Erik to his feet.

"I think I'll drive him back.."

"No, no, I'm fine," he insisted, almost sounding sober for a moment before he staggered.

"Just let him stay, he's not doing any harm," Joel said, dismissively waving for Emmy to sit down. Obedient but begrudging, she let Erik go and sat back down. It took him a while to do the same.

The next time the waiter came around with the wine, Patrick sent him back.

"When we leave, get him some coffee," he told Emmy. "If you're comfortable driving with him like this, I mean…"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"The lady said she was fine, monsieur," Erik suddenly blurted, pointing his fork at Patrick threateningly. The other man couldn't help but burst out laughing, and pretty soon, others were laughing too.

"I'm serious!" Erik persisted, attempting to stab Patrick with the silver utensil, but only jabbing at the air. After looking at Emmy with a grin, Patrick played along, holding his hands up in surrender.

"You win, sir, I give up!" he said dramatically, inducing more chuckles. Erik slowly nodded, slurring, "That's right…you just…order your fine horses and….get the hell outa…out of, um…wherever this is!"

The table exploded into laughter.

"I challenge you to a duel!" Patrick declared, holding up his own fork. Emmy protested.

"Don't tease him, Patrick, he doesn't know what's going on…"

"No, no, I want to see this!" Andrew said, surprising everyone as he leaned forward chanting, "Gerry, Gerry, Gerry!"

Erik started randomly stabbing the air with his fork, occasionally being blocked by a very entertained Patrick.

After a few 'clashes' (more like 'ting!'s) and cutting insults from Erik (such as "you insolent little dandy") Patrick finally pointed his tiny weapon at Erik's heart.

"Not again!" whined the intoxicated man. This time, even Emmy giggled.

"Yes, I win again, fiend!" Patrick said smugly, then put an arm around Emmy. "Christine shall always choose me."

As funny as this was, Emmy was very concerned that Erik would actually lose it and jump on Patrick, so she decided to do something drastic: play along.

"Wait!"

The table audience was totally immersed in the scene before them by this point. Erik perked up at Emmy's voice.

Getting over her embarrassment, the actress turned to Patrick and dramatically declared her love for the Phantom.

"Oh, is this the part where I become abusive so he seems like the good guy?" Patrick asked, referencing bad Lifetime movies he had seen.

(Unknown to anyone else, Andrew Lloyd Webber took note of this brilliant idea.)

"No, this is the part where I decide I have a thing for murderous stalkers," Emmy smirked, thinking back to the Argento version of Phantom that Erik made her watch with him.

"Oh no! Christine has left me! I simply…can't go on!" Patrick mock-sobbed, then tragically 'stabbed' himself with his own fork and sank in his chair, playing dead. Emmy leaned over him towards Erik, who happily did the same, and she embraced him.

There was a simultaneous "Aww.." then a little applause. Emmy bowed, as did Patrick when he rose back up. As for Erik, he snuck Patrick's fork away and stared at it intently, as if trying to understand it's hidden meaning.

"Hey…this isn't a sword!"