AN: The humiliation Erik has to endure as far as his wardrobe for Point of No Return did indeed actually happen to poor Gerry. Good thing it did, because it's quite amusing. And no, I can't find anything on the internet about it anymore but I KNOW I saw it somewhere a few years ago and laughed myself to tears.

Links won't cooperate but go to Gerry's page on the website uncyclopedia. Skip to the Phantom bit of this page and it's actually kind of funny, at least if you're like me and don't care for Michael Crawford's voice one bit, or at least if you can take a joke.

CHAPTER 16

Nadir made Gerry and Christine face each other as he counseled the actor.

"Take this lovely young woman for example. She has TWO suitors wishing for her hand in marriage. She's very pretty, obviously, and is kind and talented as well. Now, as wonderful as this is, I'm sure you've met someone somewhere with all of these qualities. What could have possibly been so terrible with that person that you had to move on?"

Gerry groaned. This was so stupid.

"I just didn't have anything in common with one, and another bored me to death. The rest didn't like me enough."

Nadir nodded. "So what can you find wrong with Christine?"

"You're going to make me insult her?"

"Not insult her, point out things that would make you not want to have a decent relationship with her. I'm analyzing you, not her," Nadir said bluntly. The mentioned woman squirmed in her seat, preparing for a chain of cutting remarks, or at least some sarcasm.

Gerry frowned, thinking.

"Well…she's kind of held back, but that's just this society and she's trying to be more adventurous…she's stubborn, but at least she stands firm in her own beliefs—even when they're insane, like the Angel of Music for example…" he smirked. At Christine's glare, he quickly added, "But she knows better now, and I can see how a little girl would fall for something like that…"

"So all of these faults are ultimately overruled?" Nadir pointed out, looking rather pleased with himself.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Gerry and Christine expected Nadir to reveal what the lesson was and magically swap Gerry back into his own body, but the Persian simply smiled and stepped towards the door.

"That is all. If you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to."

Before either of them could protest, he was gone. Gerry frowned, trying to figure what the hell that was all about. Christine did the same, but neither came to any conclusion. After a long pause, they went back through the trapdoor, Gerry following Christine.

"So where to now? "

"Madame Giry."

/

It was the morning before filming Don Juan, and as usual, about two hundred thirty seven people were rushing around backstage and on set, putting up props and preparing actors. In one of the many dressing rooms, Emmy could be heard giggling and Erik was panicking.

"You HAVE to be joking. Emmy, please tell me you're joking!"

She could hardly breathe from her laughing, holding up the offending objects to him. "Seriously…haha…they want you to wear this tomorrow! I have…no idea why!"

"Who on earth is even going to be looking at my…" Erik trailed off, still horrified at the idea. Emmy was almost turning purple by this point.

"Joel…insists on sexiness…I suppose he finds that…sexy!"

"Why, is he homosexual?"

Emmy keeled over, holding a hand over her mouth. "Maybe!"

Erik rolled his eyes and sighed, holding up the pads distastefully. "I can't believe I have to actually wear these…"

Taking a deep breath, Emmy forced out some words before she laughed again. "Apparently, Gerry's butt is too flat for Joel's tastes!"

Erik slapped his palm against his forehead and groaned. This had to have been a form of torture at some point in history. After a few minutes of oxygen deprivation, Emmy's uncontrollable giggling ceased—somewhat.

"I'm not doing it," he insisted, shaking his head firmly.

"You have to, Erik."

"No. I'm not."

Emmy sighed and thought a moment. "Can I bribe you into it?"

Narrowing his eyes, Erik asked, "What bribe?"

Emmy looked down, trying to come up with something. Finally, she just shrugged. "Whatever you'd like, I guess. Name something."

"I honestly cannot think of anything that would make me consent to doing this to myself."

With an impatient sigh, Emmy stepped closer and gave him a quick, chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Fine, I'll do it."

With a triumphant smile, Emmy stepped back, making a mental note to do that anytime Erik was being difficult. Still, the look on his face was as depressing as a humane society commercial.

"I'd better go change," she finally said, stepping out the door and shuffling through the crammed corridor to her own dressing room. After an hour of having her costume and wig adjusted, being made up (and ending up washing powder out from her eye) Emmy emerged from the dressing room, only waiting a few minutes for Erik before giving up and following the crowd out into the auditorium set.

"How many days do you think this will take to film?" she asked Jennifer upon spotting the blonde on stage. The Liverpool girl frowned, thinking.

"Oh, I don't know. A few days…maybe a week."

"A week?"

Jennifer nodded. "Yeah, we've only barely practiced the choreography and Joel is particularly interested in this scene, so he'll be more of a perfectionist than he already is."

Not thrilled about this, Emmy looked out to the red seats of the audience, trying to spot her director. All she saw were the extras, dressed in lavish Victorian costumes, and a few crew members in black T-shirts. She turned back to ask Jennifer where Schumacher was, but she had already disappeared out the studio door with the black suited Don Juan dancers. With a sigh, Emmy politely made her way backstage once more.

Right as she turned a corner, she ran smack into Erik's chest. Looking up, she gave him a sheepish smile. He didn't look amused.

"Still in a bad mood because of the pads?" she asked. He just rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall with his arms tightly folded, glaring at people who passed by. Emmy moved to stand beside him.

Can't have him going out there like this…unless Joel thinks Gerry is sexy when he's angry or something creepy like that.

"Can I do anything to make you feel better?" she asked. He huffed.

"I doubt it."

She bit her lip, trying to think of something optimistic to say. "Well, this scene should be the most fun for you. I mean, it was one of the better moments in your life, wasn't it?"

"Yes, until it quickly turned into the most humiliating moment of my life."

"Well, we won't be getting to that today. We'll just be doing the fun parts," said Emmy cheerfully. Erik's jaw loosened a little, but he still stared unblinkingly at the wall. Figuring this was the best she could hope to work with, Emmy took his hand and tugged.

"Come on, we should be on set now."

Right before they passed through the curtains towards the stage, Andrew Lloyd Webber seemed to appear out of nowhere in front of them. He made a half circle around Erik slowly, examining him from head to toe with squinting eyes as the two leads stood still, not knowing what to do. When it seemed Andrew had drawn some sort of conclusion, he just nodded and walked off.

After a moment of awkward silence, Erik said, "What the hell was that all about?"

"No idea."

"Places in five!" someone called. Emmy turned to Erik.

"Do you remember your lines? Wait—of course you do, you did this before…."

Giving her a slightly annoyed look, he nodded and walked through the black and red curtains behind the false fire pit, apparently ready to film the "killing Piangi" shot.

Ok, fine, be all high and mighty then, Emmy thought, surprised that he could just walk off like that. Since when could he go anywhere without her?

After some bustling around in confusion, all the dancers were in their places, as was the Piangi actor and his midget. For what seemed like ages, they filmed and cut the overture scene of Don Juan, dancing quite nicely but getting cut off by Joel almost every five seconds. The same happened with shots of the audience as well as behind the curtain, with the scene where Erik killed Piangi. With all this, Emmy wondered why she even had to be here at all today. She went from tapping her foot, to sitting on the concrete counting her toes, to actually laying on the concrete trying to nap.

"Oi! Where the hell is Emmy?"

Gasping, she jumped up and ran onstage, apologizing profusely. She was greeted by various looks of distaste, annoyance, and amusement.

"It's fine, just go back and come out when the music starts," Joel droned. Nodding quickly, she did so. Not wanting to film her part over and over, she tried to put on as much emotion as possible. Unfortunately, this is what appeared to make Joel yell "Cut!".

"You aren't supposed to be actually feeling anything at this point, you're just barely acting this out to please Raoul," he explained, then turned to the cameras. "Take two."

She tried again, and surprised herself by actually getting through her lines before Erik's lines started.

Please don't mess this up… she silently prayed, making sure she had a satisfactory amount of surprise on her face before turning to look at Erik. Though she had seen him in costume already, she felt a strange sense of sensuality show itself in him when he appeared on stage.

That has to be what Joel calls 'damn good acting.'

Ever so slowly, he started to approach her with an almost predatory expression which almost made her turn red.

Yep. Definitely sexual enough for Joel to call good acting, Emmy thought. She joked with herself to keep from looking like a nervous fool in front of everyone. Then she realized, Oh, right. I'm SUPPOSED to look nervous. Think Christine, think Christine….

Adding some of Joel's beloved innocence theme to her acting, Emmy let Erik's intense stare affect her just as it was supposed to as he started to circle her. In his audience seat, Joel watched intently, quite pleased with the performance so far. Yes, this would definitely add some sex appeal to the movie.