Schadenfreude Chapter 4: Orders from an Alpha, a twilight fanfic

"livid, adj.

Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he'd gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn't about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned."
― David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary

How'd you think I feel when you call my name
You got me confused by the way I change
How'd you think I feel when you call my name
My name, say my name baby

Yes I love you say for the way I know we've been apart
It's an endless circle a poison arrow to my heart

Saying I-I-I
I love what you do to me
Need you to stay with me
I-I-I
I love you too much to let go

How'd you think I feel when you call my name
You got me confused by the way I change
How'd you think I feel when you call my name
My name, say my name baby
How'd you think I feel when you call my name
You got me confused by the way I change
How'd you think I feel when you call my name
My name, say my name baby
[ Lyrics from: lyrics/c/cheryl_cole/call_my_ ]
It's a constant thought of my baby taking up my time
It's an utter vision of you that's playing on my mind

Saying I-I-I
I love what you do to me
Need you to stay with me
I-I-I
I love you too much to let go

Oh when you call my name
Oh oh oh
Oh when you call my name
Oh oh oh
Say my name baby
Oh when you call my name
Oh oh oh
Oh when you call my name
Oh oh oh
Say my name baby

~Call My Name~
Cheryl Cole

JPOV

I had imprinted.

Fuck.

Her eyes, a mixture of anger and confusion seemed to be the only things I could focus on for what seemed like forever, and when finally my brain took control again – it was like this cloud had come over me. It was a mixture of elation, and ecstasy that filled me – my whole chest becoming warm and almost, if possible, full.

It was like nothing I had ever felt before – it was not like falling in love with Bella, or even having the love of my mother. It wasn't like the feeling of being a part of something that was bigger than me, it wasn't like being in the pack. It was like everything that I had done in my life, all my ambitions, or lack thereof, and all of the things that I had ever said, thought, seemed irrelevant compared to now.

Now, I had her.

She was a mixture between perfect and perfect.

I could have stared at her all day, stared at her olive almost tropical skin and the beauty that was her flowing chestnut locks that seemed to fall over her shoulders in a way that I had never thought possible. I could have stared at her face for hours, day almost – just staring at her wide, doe like eyes and her thick lashes that seemed to hold so much modest beauty in them that it made me, even now just thinking about it, all warm.

It made me sick.

She made me sick.

I didn't want to imprint – it was sick, and unnatural, and it was against everything I had believed in, in the last five years. It went against every move I had made, every decision that it had to make – it made me seem like I was an idiot! It wasn't me; I wasn't in control of myself, and I would never be myself in the future if I let the imprint take over me. I couldn't believe that me, the loveless wonder, had imprinted on her.

How could I betray myself like that!

How could I imprint? I had promised myself that I would never betray my self-control, my control over my own thoughts and feelings by imprinting? I shouldn't have looked at her – I shouldn't have put myself in that situation.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE IMPRINTED.

I roared as I ran through the forest, my body pushing forward more as the anger spurred me on further. I needed to get out of here, to get away from her - I needed to break the bond. It must be able to be broken, right? I mean, if she's not your actual soul mate than I should be able to break the bond?

Bella was my soul mate.

Maybe I just have a fucked up imprinting system.

That must be it.

I growled as I tried to stop myself from crossing the border, my speeding paws grasping the dirt beneath me as I stopped – my whole body shaking with exhaustion, anger, and confusion.

I could hear the voices swirling in my head yet I blocked them out.

I had been in love with Bella for four years.

Fuck.

Dude, you fucking imprinted?

I groaned as I heard the voice of Embry bound through my head, the image of the girl flashing through my mind painfully before I snapped it away, not wanting to look at her face again. I wondered if I should just phase and walk back to La Push, but I could already here the pack giving me as much shit as they could muster up. I could hear Embry laughing his ass off in the back of my head, and I growled at him.

Dude, she's fucking hot – I would so fuck her-

I felt my whole body go rigid as the words rang through my head, before anger coursed through me – anger which made my whole body wild with rage as his words rang through my ears.

I could hear his laughter. Calm down, Jake, I won't fuck her.

…

I'll just get her to blow me.

I roared in rage as I heard Embry's laughter in my head again, and I felt my feet spring from their position and collide with the ground as I ran. I'm going to rip it off!

I didn't know what to do.

Jake, come back to La Push.

I growled as I heard Sam, and I narrowed my eyes. Is that an order?

I will make it one if you don't listen to us!

Yeah, dude, why don't you listen to your girlfriend fuck me-

EMBRY! Sam and I both shouted through the connection, and his laughter echoed through my head as I heard Sam tell him to piss off. Yeah, Embry, fuck off.

Like I'm going to do that – this is better than Facebook!

Like you have any friends on Facebook

Can we focus on the subject at hand? Sam growled, and I felt the anger that already seemed to be a permanent fixture in my body fire up again as I heard more laughter in the back of my head.

Great, more people to laugh at me.

Oh, Jake, you're fucked, Quil piped up.

At least Jake imprinted on someone who's gone through puberty, Brady said, and I barked out a laugh.

Yeah, Embry, don't you have to be getting back to playing with your Barbies?

The image of Quil and Claire playing shopping for a Barbie ran through Quils mind, and although it was only there for a mili-second – it sent the rest of the pack into fits of laughter. Oh, god, you're so whipped, Quil.

At least I've imprinted on someone that actually likes me, He shot at me, and I roared in anger.

All of you, will you fuck off? Sam roared.

Nope, this is too fun.

I groaned, wondering whether or not I should just cross the border and stay in Canada for a few days – sleep with some girls, get drunk, etc, etc. No Jake – you are not allowed to cross the border, do you understand?

I sighed, knowing that I needed to ask the question that had been nagging me – which my mind wouldn't shut up about asking. Who is she?

It rolled through my mind without even me consenting to it, and I sighed as I knew the others had heard it. Jake, did you imprint on this girl?

The question Sam asked was stupid – what the fuck did he think was doing then? Running away because I felt like it? Because it was going to rain in La push tonight? What the fuck did he think I was doing – having a fucking vacation? No need to get angry.

No need to get angry? I asked, frustration coursing through me as I felt myself howl. Why shouldn't I be angry! I should be fucking furious!

Come home now, Jacob

Was I meant to go back to La Push? Brace myself for meeting her again? Maybe I should just meet her – get it over, and done with. She wasn't my soul mate. The word made my mouth fill with vomit, and I spat it out as I started to run – not paying any attention to the vomit that was making its way up my throat. I tried to ignore the voices that seemed to go with me everywhere, but it didn't seem to work because the entire time they talking about how my imp-her was a upgrade from the girl I fucked in Essence, a Port Angeles night club, last Friday.

Before long, I was in La Push again – phasing in the shadows of the forest as I tried not to kill myself running into a tree. Although, I would rather be dead then face her again, or them. I heard the sound of paws colliding with the ground, the sound shaking where I stood and I pulled my cut offs on, waiting Embry to phase. The wolf came into sight within seconds, and as soon as he phased – my fist swung out and hit his face.

"Ah!" He yelped, his hands going up to his face as the sound of more feet pounding against the ground sent vibrations through the forest floor. They were here in less than five seconds, phasing as Sam went to Embry while Quil phased.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Quil exclaimed as he phased, throwing his hands up in the air. "Why did you hit him in the face."

I looked at Embry, who was slowly yet steadily healing and I looked down to my throbbing hand which was also heeling – the blood that had sprouted out of the wounds that were made was fastly drying. I looked back up to Embry, and I wondered why I hit my best friend in the face. Sure I had hit him so many times before but never like that.

I had never hit him like I … hated him.

"There's been too much punching today!" Sam shouted as he put Embry's nose back into place, and he narrowed his eyes as he looked back at me – quickly striding over to me.

Before I knew what was happening – I was on the ground, and Sam was shaking his hand as he looked down at me. Blood spurted from my nose, and Quil turned to Sam. "Dude, what the fuck!"

"Shut up, Quil." Sam hissed, before he pointed down at me. "Get your shit together, Jacob. I've had enough of it. And now that you've imprinted-"

"What?" I asked, standing up as I wiped my face of the blood. "I'm just going to magically fall in love with her? Everything's going to be fine now that I've imprinted!"

Sam gritted his teeth, his jaw locking as he shook his head. "No, nothing will ever be just 'fine' with you."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, my hand going up to my forehead as I rubbed it – looking up to Sam
as I tried to control myself from phasing. I heard Embry snorting up the blood and I threw a look at him, yet he just glared at me – almost in a playful way, yet I still knew he was so fucking pissed at me because I had broken his nose.

Again.

Sam sighed, ruffling his hair as he started to make his way down the dirt trail that had been made by the paws. He looked back, narrowing his eyes at me. "You're coming to dinner tonight. That's an order."

Pushing open my bedroom door, I collapsed on my bed – the sheets, which were discarded on the floor were joined by the dirty clothes that had piled up over time, clothes which Dad had given up on trying to get Rachel to wash were stuffed in every corner, and every crack of the room seemed to be filled to the brim with rubbish, or rotting food. I looked over my room – my eyes going to what was the wall of pictures that used to be above my draws.

Now, the paint had been peeled of as a result of me ripping everything from their glued position and I groaned as I pushed my face into the pillow – hoping that maybe, just maybe I might suffocate.

"JAKE!"

The door slammed open, and I looked to see my sister – small and petite with her hand on her round, protruding belly as her eyes flared. She stepped into the room, almost hesitantly yet it seemed like she couldn't care about the mess because she stormed across the room – grabbing one of the pillows that had been thrown onto the floor after … last night and she pushed it against my face, before she started punching.

There was too much punching today.

"YOU IMPRINTED!"

I groaned, pushing her off of me and she weakly punched me again and I rose from the bed, narrowing my eyes in slight confusion. "Wh-Why are you punching me!"

She put her hand to her belly, before she sneered. "Because I felt like it."

My sister, Ladies and Gentlemen.

"How could you waste four years, four fucking years on that pale freak only to imprint!" She seethed, throwing her hands up in the air. "You're lucky I didn't tell Dad."

I stood up, my eyes narrowed as I looked down a tiny sister, and her growing belly. Paul had knocked her up five months ago.

I knocked him out.

"Piss off, Rachel." I said through gritted teeth, trying to control my anger as I thought of the baby that was in my sister's stomach.

She put her hands on her hips. "Jake, why the hell didn't you tell me you imprinted?"

I ran my hands through my hair, pulling at it. "How did you find out!"

She shrugged. "Paul told me."

Paul.

Fucking Paul.

"I fucking hate that asshole," I said, turning around.

"That asshole is my husband, and the father of your niece or nephew."

I scoffed. "How long do you think he's going to stick around then, huh?"

I instantly felt like shit, and I turned around to apologize but she was already gone – probably off to tell Paul what I had said. I chuckled, knowing that when I got to Sam's tonight I would probably have my head bashed against the side of the house. I turned back around, shrugging as I tried to convince myself that is shouldn't feel that guilty – I mean, Paul wasn't the most reliable guy and his Dad was the same; yet he's nowhere to be seen now, is he?

But that's what the La Push Dads were known for – donating and then leaving once they realised they had knocked some poor local girl up. I had always known that; it wasn't like it wasa secret that most of the guys that lived on the Rez had no Dads because their fathers didn't stick around long enough to meet them.

Take Embry, as an example.

I should probably buy him a drink for fucking up his nose.

I think that's the sixth time I've broken it now.

I sighed, ruffling my hair as I sat down on my bed – the sound of it creaking in protest as my weight collapsed onto it echoing through the room as my head fell into my hands, my eyes closing as I thought of everything.

Sometimes, I just wished that I could leave La Push – leave all the drama. It seemed like every day, I had more things to worry about – more things to stress over, and it never seemed to end.

Yet I never thought I would fucking be dealing with imprinting.

Yeah, I guess I had imagined it happening to me – but it was meant to be rare. What happened to it being basically non-existent? In the stories, apparently only one or two people found their 'spirit wives' yet now, in he 21st century, it was like all the fucking soul mates came to La Push just to set up residence, and make me sick.

And now I had one.

Her face flashed through my mind, and I analysed it.

Her nose had bump in it – disgusting, I couldn't deal with that; instantly, she's ugly. Her eyes, eh, they're okay, I mean, I wouldn't want them in my dream woman. Too big, if you ask me, too big and colourful – why were they so colourful; that's just ridiculous! And plus, her eyelashes were too thick and long, they weren't meant to be like that – they just looked stupid on her while her lips, glossy and luscious, weren't in proportion to the rest of her relatively small features and the bottom lip seemed to be bigger than the top one, throwing everything out.

And then there was her hair.

Long, and about four inches below her shoulders – I guess you could say it was 'healthy'. Was the colour of dirt, though, disgusting mud that I wouldn't want to even walk in.

God, she was just fucked up.

Weren't you meant to get a girl that was 'compatible in every way'. This was so fucked – she wasn't even what I was in to. Even her body, long and voluptuous, was all wrong – her breasts were too big, and she had to bigger hips compared to her tiny waist, it was just all disproportioned and it made me wonder what her parents must look like; what freaks must have created her.

She was all wrong.

Even the clothes she was wearing looked like she had been in them for a week, crinkled and faded while her jeans which hugged her lower body were too tight – they showed off everything. Her top, it looked like she had got it from the 99c store but it was covered by a leather jacket, which I'll admit wasn't even half decent – probably a rip off of quality leather, something you would find at a flee market.

Thinking of her now, I could still sell her – the scent that she was drenched in flooded through my mind again and I cringed instantly, wondering how my 'soul mate' could smell so disgusting. Her clothes and her reeked of the same smell – something which smelt like she had just swum in: mangos.

I hated mangos.

Fucking mangos.

I groaned, rubbing my tired eyes as I looked over to my alarm clock which was stuck on the same time, as it had been for the last four years. I rolled my eyes, getting up from bed to go to the bathroom – ripping my cut offs off and throwing them on the floor, getting into the bathtub as I turned the tap on.

Sputtering out from the faucet, the water dripped over me and I grabbed the shampoo – leathering it in my hair as I washed myself. I looked down at the faded coloured bathtub as I watched the shampoo rinse from hair, dripping into the clogged drain and I sighed, before getting the conditioner as I wondered how long it had been since I had washed my hair.

6 months?

Probably.

Washing the conditioner out of my hair, I grabbed the soap – scrubbing it onto my hands as I started washing my whole body. Eventually, my hands found little Jake – AKA my dick – and I started stroking it, closing my eyes as I sighed – needing the release that it usually gave me.

I smiled as Bella's face came into my mind, everything in me getting excited as my movements became faster and I imagined her bending over as I kissed her neck, before thrusting in to her as she repeated over, and over again how she was mine, and that she loved me.

And then it wasn't her.

I could hear the moans, yet it wasn't her voice – nor was I holding onto her hair or thrusting into her ivory skin. Instead, in wrapped around my fingers and my hands was the chestnut coloured hair that she had, faint streaks of red seemingly throughout her hair as I continued to thrust into her. I gripped my cock harder as I stroked it as I heard her voice in my head again, begging me – pleading with me to keep fucking her.

I turned her around, so that her face was looking up at me – her beautiful eyes which held so much colour looked up to me in absolute pleasure as she pulled me down for a kiss. My hand became fast, as did my thrusting and she moaned more – wanting more, asking for more as our lips melded together.

My hands went out and touched her perfectly sized breasts, squeezing and caressing as she moaned – her hand going down to rub her clit in sync with the rhythmic motion of my thrusts as she murmured my name, over and over again.

That did it.

At the sound of 'Jake' on her lips, I shot my load into the air – my breathing coming out in rushed pants as leant against the tiles, slightly shaking as I banged my head against the wall. "Fuck."

Heres another chapter for you all,

You guys are so amazing for reviewing, and I love you to death! Really, nearlly thrity reviews and not even four chapters - you guys are amazing, and Im so in love with you guys!

No, not like that.

And please don't die. That wouldn't be good - for anyone.

You guys can expect an update for Camelot today, soon maybe I'm not sure - I don't know. I'm going back to school tomorrow, so I'm kind of meant to be doing homework but that's gone out the window, so maybe expect another another chapter for this story as well. I don't know, I just know that I'm not doing school work.

But until then, please,

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