"Wakey, wakey, honey kitten," purred a voice as Harley felt his arms come around her again from behind. She sighed, then slammed her head back, smashing it into his skull.
"I can see why Mr. J finds this tedious," she murmured to herself as the Creeper leapt backward, howling in pain. "There's nothing more annoying than someone all over you when all you want is a little personal space. I actually feel kinda bad for clinging to him all these years. Well, I'll be better when I get home, I promise. And Creepo, I know you've got a thick skull as I just slammed mine into it, and it hurt, but don't you get it yet? I ain't gonna fall for you! So can we please stop this silly game?"
"Not until I win the game, sugar," he replied, grinning. "You ready to let me call bingo? To say uno? To cry yahtzee?"
Harley sighed. She had really, really hoped she wouldn't have to do this, but she didn't see any other way out of it. The knots were good, the ropes were strong - this was the only option. So she steeled herself, put on her most seductive smile, and murmured, "You know your games. I'm impressed. I'm a fan of twister myself. You know that one, Creepy? People getting all tangled up together? Sure wouldn't mind playing that one with you, if you know what I mean."
"Oooh, I like a girl who uses games for dirty talk!" exclaimed Creeper, laughing.
"And I like a guy with green hair," murmured Harley, grinning. "And a manic personality. And a crazy laugh just gets me revving. I stand by what I said earlier, you ain't Mr. J. But you are like a more…agile version of him. I like a guy who's active, if you get what I mean. Shows a lot of stamina, and virility. Might be kinda exciting to be with Mr. J, and yet not Mr. J," she whispered. "I'm a pretty agile gal too, y'know. I used to be a gymnast. I'm real flexible."
The Creeper could not have looked more excited. "So…you wanna do some acrobatics, baby?"
"I sure do," she murmured. "Can't do them all tied up like this, though, can I? You wanna see how much I can bend, all you gotta do is untie me, sweetie. That is, unless you don't want me."
"Do I look crazy?" he exclaimed, hurrying to untie her.
"No," she murmured, grinning, as he released her. "But you do look stupid."
And she punched him in the face. He fell back and she ran for the door, but found it locked. "Now who's the stupid one?" he giggled, grinning, as he approached her.
"To be fair, I didn't call you stupid, I just said you looked it," she retorted. "That's a fact, not an opinion, by the way. Just like it's a fact that I will never, ever be with you, Creepo!"
"Hey, you should never say never," he said, grabbing her arm. "That's not positive thinking."
"I said no!" she snapped, wrenching her arm away.
"And no is such a negative word," he chuckled, seizing both her arms and pulling her close to him. "C'mon, baby, accentuate the positive! Eliminate the negative! And latch on to the affirmative - don't mess with Mister In-Between," he murmured, leaning forward to kiss her.
"The lady said no, creep!" growled a voice. Harley opened her eyes in astonishment as the Creeper was struck on the head and fell backward. She saw the Joker standing behind him, holding Harley's hammer. "And when Harley says no, she means no. Unless she's with me – then she means 'oh God, yes please! And make it hurt!' Right, kiddo?"
"Mr. J!" breathed Harley, adoringly. "My hero! How did you…behind you, puddin'!" she exclaimed, pointing at Batman.
But to her surprise, Batman ignored Joker and went to confront the Creeper. "Catch, pumpkin!" said Joker, tossing her hammer at her and withdrawing his gun.
"Bats and you…working together?" gasped Harley, astonished.
"For you, baby, why wouldn't we?" replied Joker, grinning. "Anyway, this guy ain't no joke. It's going to need both of us to take him down…"
But Creeper suddenly dealt Batman a swift blow to the skull, then leapt behind him and kicked him to the ground. He grabbed him by the horns of his mask and then slammed his face into the floor, knocking him unconscious.
Joker and Harley stared at him, then at the Creeper. "Hoo boy," muttered Joker, adjusting his collar nervously. "Guess that just leaves us to take him down, then."
"Beaten the Bat at the dance-off!" chuckled Creeper. "Let's see your moves, Mr. Happy!"
Creeper sprang at Joker. "Mr. J, lookout!" shrieked Harley, knocking him out of the way. She swung her hammer, hitting the Creeper in the face as he leapt and knocking him backward.
"Hey, stop hitting on me, baby!" laughed Creeper, shaking his head and recovering himself instantly.
"Hitting on me? He thinks that's funny?" snapped Joker.
"I told him about puns, Mr. J!" replied Harley. "He don't listen!"
Creeper jumped at her, knocking her to the ground and making her drop her hammer. "Get offa her!" shouted Joker, firing at him. He sprang off, but easily avoided the bullets Joker continued to shoot at him.
"Harley, get behind me," he said, helping her up and stepping in front of her. "Wouldn't want to accidentally shoot you – it'd be a waste of a bullet."
"He's too quick, Mr. J," whispered Harley as Creeper bounded around the room, dodging the shots.
"I know, I'm just formulating a plan," he muttered. "The shooting helps me think."
Harley clung to him as he fired, then he suddenly turned to her. "Trust me, pooh," he muttered, grabbing her arm.
"What…" began Harley, but he shoved her forward abruptly. The Creeper saw she was vulnerable and leapt at her. Just before he reached her, Joker grabbed her hat and suddenly pulled her back, shoving the palm of his hand forward to meet the Creeper's face. It collided with the Joker's joy buzzer, and a massive electrical shock shot through the Creeper. He screamed and writhed until the Joker removed his hand, and the Creeper fell to the ground, unconscious.
"Shocking behavior," said Joker, beaming. "You hear that, you dumb freak? That's a situation when puns are funny!"
Harley giggled hysterically. "Oh, Mr. J!" she exclaimed, embracing him tightly. "You saved me!" Then, remembering her resolution, she suddenly let go of him. "Thanks," she said, simply.
"Don't mention it, pooh bear," he said, puzzled at her sudden lack of clinginess. He was expecting a little more from her after saving her life. But he assumed she was just traumatized from the kidnapping and shrugged. "C'mon, kiddo, let's go before they both wake up," he said. "Batsy can take Creepo somewhere where he can't bother us no more, and I don't have to be offended by his crimes against comedy. Or fashion."
"I'm so glad you think he looks stupid too!" exclaimed Harley.
"I got eyes, don't I?" he demanded.
"Well, I thought it might have been just me," she replied as they walked out of the building together. "I mean, what's it meant to be? Some kinda Flash Gordon meets Tarzan look? I used to think the Riddler didn't know how to dress, but this guy makes him look fashionable!"
"This town is getting full of all kinds of styleless criminals," sighed Joker, forlornly. "I blame Bats. He must attract the lunatics, being a bit of a fashion disaster himself. And not a music lover, did you know that, pumpkin?"
"I don't know what you see in him, puddin'," sighed Harley. "I really don't."