Joker woke up the next morning being able to breathe. That was odd. Normally Harley was choking him with her embrace, her arms wrapped around him as if for dear life. He rolled over to see that she wasn't even in bed, and began to wonder if she had been kidnapped again. She never left the bed while he was still in it, unless he ordered her to let go of him and go make coffee or breakfast or something.

He pulled on his robe and left the bedroom, entering the living room, where he saw Harley sitting on the couch, reading a book. She looked up and beamed as he entered. "Morning, puddin'!" she exclaimed.

"Um…morning," he said, gazing at her. "You feeling all right, Harley?"

"Sure I am, never better!" she replied. "And yourself, Mr. J?"

"Oh…yeah…fine," he stammered. "Just a little unusual for you to be up on your own, y'know."

"Oh yeah, that," she replied, turning a page of her book. "The thing about that is, Mr. J, ever since my experience with Creepo, I've come to realize how annoying it is to have people clinging to you all the time when all you want is a little personal space. And it made me realize how annoying I must have been to you all these years, when I'd insist on hanging on you and being all over you and not letting you breathe. So from now on, I've resolved to be a lot better. No clinging to you, no invasion of personal space, I'm just gonna be a calm, collected, respectful lover from now on. Ain't that good news?"

"Oh…sure, terrific," he said, grinning. Finally, after all these years, the dame had got the message. This was going to be wonderful. Assuming she stuck with it, of course.

But Harley was a determined girl. When she resolved to do something, she did it. And it was great for the first few days - the Joker really enjoyed being able to breathe, and not having to push Harley off of him, and not having to struggle to avoid her needy embrace or constant kisses. But after awhile, much as he didn't like to admit it to himself, he began to miss her moments of over-affection. He began to miss having to struggle with her, or shove her away. The incessant clinginess was a huge part of what made her Harley, and she didn't seem much like herself without it. And what was the point of Harley if she wasn't herself? It just seemed wrong. He missed the old Harley, and he wanted her back.

Of course he could never tell her that. So he tried to think of a good way to broach the subject with her.

"Harl, we need to talk," he said, sitting down next to her on the sofa.

Harley's eyes suddenly widened in surprise. "Are you breaking up with me?" she gasped.

"What? No!" he snapped. "What makes you think that?"

"That's just what guys say when they're going to break up with you," replied Harley. "I read it in a magazine."

"What have I told you about reading those goddamn magazines?" he retorted. "Anyway, when have I ever broken up with you by saying that? Why wouldn't I just throw you out, as usual?"

"I dunno. I just thought…I've been a little emotionally distant lately, and I thought you might be losing interest or something," murmured Harley. "The truth is, Mr. J, I don't like my new resolution much. I miss being overly affectionate toward you. But you're just so happy with it that I can't bear to disappoint you by stopping now. You are enjoying it, aren't you, puddin'?" she asked him.

"Of course I am, pumpkin pie," he said, quickly. "You know me – I ain't the kinda guy who likes a dame clinging to him all the damn time. You know how annoying it was for me when you were always all over me. Had to keep shouting at you and shoving you away."

"Yeah," agreed Harley. "It's better this way, I guess." She sighed, and they were silent.

"See, the thing is, sweets," began Joker. "I don't like all that clingy, affectionate stuff. You know that. Hate it. You don't know how much you used to annoy me, how much I just wanted you off my back. But…well…the thing is…the thing is, cupcake…I kinda miss shouting at you and shoving you away."

She looked up at him, hopefully. "Yeah?" she breathed.

"I don't miss the affection, you understand," he added, hastily. "Just the reaction to the affection. You know, the insults and the hitting and the yelling. That's the kinda stuff I enjoy. Not the clinging. You get that, right?"

"Sure I do, Mr. J," she breathed. "So you want…me to stop this? You want me to return to the old Harley?"

"I don't care either way," he retorted. "You do what you want, Harley. But whichever way you choose, it's ok with me. That's all I wanted to say."

Harley beamed at him. "Aw, Mr. J!" she exclaimed, leaping into his arms and kissing his face repeatedly. "Aw, puddin', I love you so much!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he muttered, pushing her away. "Just cool it, would ya?"

"My big, brave, strong hero!" she cooed, ruffling his hair. "My precious, perfect puddin'!"

"Look, just get offa me, you worthless dame!" he shouted, shoving her. "Jesus Christ, what have I done to be stuck with a such a pathetic, annoying, useless woman? You keep at this and I'm gonna beat you into the ground!"

Harley beamed. "I missed your threats too, puddin'," she whispered, kissing his cheek. "But don't worry. You have your old Harley girl back, and she ain't ever gonna stop clinging to her gorgeous puddin'."

"Great," muttered Joker, glumly, but his eyes shone as he glared at her. "Just great."

The End