Chapter.2. - Here For You

James

- Flashback -

I remember going to Kendall's house, through the window quietly, so I wont wake up his little sister Katie, and his mom Ms. Knight. I would go to him, wake him up, and pour my heart out. He wouldn't mind, he even told me himself, his words ring around my head, as I step inside, the room I know so well, better than my own. I'm here almost all the time, I sometimes sleep here when I cry myself to sleep. Kendall never minds he never did. Kendall was asleep, the way he always does, facing the window, with it open, just in case I come along.

"James, wake me up anytime, if you need someone to talk to, if you need anything. Come to me, I'll be there for you. Anytime. Anywhere. I'm just a call away, remember that James. Remember that."

I stood by his bed, looking at him, thinking how lucky I am to have him as a friend, no a brother. I ask myself why me, why me, why … he could have been anyone's best friend, but he choose me, of all people. I keep looking, I just look at him … I look for almost an hour standing, wishing I haven't came, I always do this. But he wakes up, after an hour, he wakes and looks at me. His eyed invite me in, showing me he cares, that he wants to know what happened. But he never will know what happens to me, I don't want him to get hurt, to worry him over me, he has enough problems with his dad being dead, and having to work to help the family out.

Finally, I break and start to cry, and he grabs me and holds me tight to his chest. His scent sooths me, his words comfort me, his touch, his feel, everything, about him calms me.

"James it's ok, im here for you, listen to me I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU. No matter what, I wont let you down. ….. Are you ready to tell me whats happening to you." Kendall whispers in my ear.

" No, … im not … ready yet … give me time … I will one day … just not yet … I need time, Kendall I need time, that's all … please understand." James whispered back, crying though snots.

"I understand James, tell me when your ready. I can wait, but I wanna know what happens to you … you're my best friend, no my brother … I will be here for you no matter what … remember that James … promise me that I will be the first to know, and you will come to me if your in danger." Kendall whispered back.

"Please understand, Kendall … I just cant tell you yet." James said, even though the tears came harder. " But I promise you I will come to you, when I need help, and you will be the first to know, I promise you that", he said with a teary smile.

They just stood their for an hour, holding each other. Soon falling asleep on Kendall's bed. Ms. Knight would understand, many a time she found the boys like that, but never questioned it, she knew that he came to talk to Kendall. She understand, just always wondered what will make the sweet boy cry like that.

- Flashback Over -

That was the day, I came to the realization that I love him more than a friend. I am truly, utterly in love with Kendall Knight, my best friend/brother. But my love, will be inside me, as I watch him go fall for someone else one day in life. Till that day I pray and hope that maybe he will love me too, but that day will never come. Never to come. Never to be happy. Never to know what real love would feel with him. I cut myself one last time, but this time I write, My Dear Love, Kendall Knight, across my heart, instead of writing on my body: worthless whore, sluttish bitch, prostitute, home-wreaker, you name it I may have wrote it on my body. No one knows this, not even Kendall, he will never know, he can never know, not a chance in hell will he find out.

Oh my this is a longer chapter than the first, I saw how many people actually wanted to know more of my book, which Is more than I expected. I got writing right away, I expected to be finish in a day or two, but than I finished so fast, the words just came out, so I just typed. I was supposed to write a short chapter for James, but the flashback came out longer than I anticipated. Please enjoy, and sorry if they change tenses, for some reason, in all my writing that's my problem. But sometimes, its just necessary. So, farewell, enjoy, my freaks.

Xoxoxo

Toxic Diva