Chapter Fifteen

Lunchtime 12:00

Kyle's Point of View

I can do this; I just have to remain strong and calm. It's not a big deal. Granted Cartman and I kissed, yes it was intense, and he then proceeded to shove me away claiming he used me, possibly the biggest mess I've ever had to deal with. So like I said not a big deal... Oh God this can't be happening. I don't want to fight the longing I feel for him anymore, I know I have to, there's nothing else I can do, (unless he feels the same way.) I know Kenny claims that Cartman has some feelings for me but how can that be possible?

I'm going to run away from my problems.

No, I'm going to face them.

I wish I had someone else to talk to right now but I'm sat alone on a table in the cafeteria, in fact I'm not even sure where everyone is. In particular Stan should be here, I feel like we haven't talked properly in a few days but of course there are reasons for this, primarily him splitting up with Wendy. Stan has never been one to talk about his feelings when something goes wrong; he prefers to shut everyone out and wallow in self pity. Even I can't get through to him most of the time and it's gotten progressively worse as we've gotten older. He did break down to me one night about his dad's affair, I feel that this is a big reason why he's closed off so much, like his mom he believes it's best to stay quiet. As a result of his lack of communication, when I was gay I felt I couldn't tell him, instead I told his girlfriend who I was very close to, she really helped me. These past couple of days Stan and I have had our own problems to deal with and no urge to share them with each other.

It's weird that Kenny's not around as well, I mean sure sometimes he disappears for a smoke or because he's scored himself a detention but he should be eating my food right now.

"Kyle," I hear the inevitable voice and suddenly I want to be anywhere but here, suddenly I'm so angry with him. I chose not to respond and begin poking my sandwich. Cartman walks around the table and sits opposite me, "I think we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," I respond bluntly.

"You know there is," he sounds strangely calm or perhaps he's being patronizing.

"No there isn't and if you're going to start talking about yesterday, or gloating about how you were right that I'm gay then go ahead but I am NOT sticking around to listen!" I shout straight in his face and before I know what's happened have stormed out of the cafeteria, so much for remaining calm. I'm not sure where I'm heading and it's clear from the clattering of the table and the banging footsteps behind me that I will not be alone. I decide to head for the forest behind the football field; if Cartman insists on talking to me then it needs to be somewhere private. I notice Stan running around the track to the right of it, neck and neck with Clyde. His competitive nature is the reason he's not at lunch then. I could go over and join Craig and Tweek on the side line but something draws me to continue on my path, I actually want to talk to Cartman. When we get to the seclusion of the trees I swing round so I'm face to face with him, crossing my arms to show my irritation.

"Kyle... you forgot your sandwich." That's it? He purposefully follows me all the way out here, after humiliating me, claiming that we need to talk... and says that. I glare at him.

"Is that ALL you wanted to say fatass."

"No."

Eric's Point of View

How do I even start to tell him all this messed up shit? I've never put myself in a vulnerable situation; it's just not what I do. I have to though, seeing Kyle hurt this way, it just isn't pleasant.

"I didn't mean it," I say gazing down at my shoes.

"You didn't mean what?" he asks with a harsh tone.

"What I said... when I said I was pretending that it didn't mean anything... it did." I continue to stare down at my shoes, following the knot in the laces. Silence fills the air and I realise that I'm going to have to fill it. "I couldn't help myself when I kissed you; it wasn't to confirm my suspicions that you're a fag, that's already obvious."

"You couldn't help yourself?"

"No, you got so angry and before I knew it..."

"I get angry all the time... I'm angry right now," says Kyle in a contradictory softer voice, "something must have changed." I slowly pull my head up and make eye contact with the red faced red-head. I have no idea what to say, I can't quite summon the strength to put myself on the line and as I look at him I have the strangest feeling that he's doing something of the same.

"NO, nothing has changed; you're still a stupid Jew," I reply.

"And you're a fucking fatass," throws back Kyle.

"You annoy me every day without fail."

"I can't have ONE stress free day when you're around."

"Good, I'm glad I cause you stress, it obviously means that you think about me, and that I bother you" I blurt out.

"OF COURSE I THINK ABOUT YOU!" yells Kyle.

"WELL I THINK ABOUT YOU TOO!" I yell back.

"I THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME!"

"YES, CONSTANTLY!" I storm over to him and grab him by the shoulders, "IT DRIVES ME CRAZY BUT I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD."

"I can't get you out of mine either," he whispers leaning in closer.

"It was never my intention to pull you close and then push you away, I just got scared, scared that you were caught up in the moment, that it meant nothing." I close my eyes and lean forward causing our foreheads to rest against each other.

"It meant something," he murmurs almost inaudibly.

"That's all that matters," I mutter. We stand like this for a few minutes, heads delicately balanced, my arms gripping Kyle's shoulders, his around the back of my neck, not moving, just slowly breathing and contemplating what just happened. I don't think I've ever had a peaceful silence with Kyle before, it's completely out of character but for some reason it feels right.

"There's something I need to do," Kyle says as he draws back and gazes into my eyes and I wholly understand what he means. There's something he needs to do before anything else can happen, before we talk about whatever the hell this is. I nod. The trees ahead of us rustle gently; we both move apart and take our natural stances. I look over to see that it's Kenny emerging from the foliage, looking extremely pale.

"Kenny, what were you doing up there?" I ask in surprise, he looks up startled and then forces a very depressing smile onto his face.

"Oh I was just at the hut, getting some cigarettes from Damien."

"You don't look very happy; did you have a lovers tiff or something?" Kenny eyes me guardedly, as if I've just touched a nerve. He looks at me in a way that suggests I'm close to uncovering something big and equally as shocking. However he quickly changes his face into a smirk as he punches my arm, obviously detecting that I was just joking. As the three of us walk out of the forest, back towards the football pitch I can't help wondering why Kenny didn't ask what Kyle and I were doing. He didn't even seem shocked that we were alone in a secluded place, something is not right. We spend the rest of lunch watching Stan and Clyde's faggy competition from a distance, when Stan has finished he notices us and runs over, reminding us about Clyde's party on Saturday night. The bell rings and we all make our way inside, nobody says anything: right now our worlds are miles apart.

A/N: G'day mate. The Kyle and Cartman section of lunch as promised! I don't really have anything to say that you'll want to hear so I'll keep it simple. Thank you very much for the reviews, you guys rock, Kenny next chapter.