3. Hanna POV

God, I love my girls. Without Thea and Faith, my life would have been an entirely different animal. I am forever thanking Grandpa for taking me to that park near where he lived all those years ago, even though he's gone now.

Listening to Jonathan's account of the night he asked for permission to marry Faith causes a small pang inside my chest, but I really am so happy for them. Faith deserves this. She deserves her happily ever after. So does Thea. She may not have met the right guy yet, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen for her, sooner than later.

Watching Jonathan get all uptight and sweaty when Mr. M. finishes up his story makes me shake my head at him. I sincerely hope someday he gets over his fear of the man, before the he has a coronary at the ripe old age of thirty.

Jesus.

I tried to tell that guy the man just wants to see his balls every once in awhile. I have to smile to myself because I'm guessing that talk they had outside the restaurant that night was the beginning of Jonathan's brilliant display.

I'm kinda proud.

I steal a glance over at Decker and he's giving me this look - like he wants to know what's going on inside my head. He always wants to know and I love him for it but Hell, I don't even know what's going on inside my head half the time, how am I supposed to explain any of it to him?

I do hope he knows I love him, though. So much. More than I thought it was possible to actually love someone.

A tiny bit of guilt washes over me because he has balls. I know he has balls. They're great balls. I'm the one without the balls.

"Masen." My dad's voice almost makes me jump and I literally want to kick myself after giving the people surrounding me such a hard time for being afraid of Faith's dad.

I've been avoiding him the past few weeks and he knows it. I need to avoid him for just a little while longer but coming to the table like this is his way of saying, "You can't fucking avoid me forever, Hanna."

Seriously. I can hear him saying it in my head right this very moment. Even though he's grinning for the man in front of him, he's scowling at me. Trust.

I watch him carefully as Mr. M. extends his hand for dad to shake. "Glad you could make it."

Dad laughs out loud. Almost too loud. "Yeah, glad I'm not in your position. No offense, Faith."

I tense and try to swallow as my two best friends giggle. Decker squeezes my hand so tight all of a sudden that I am definitely losing circulation.

"Ow," I try to whisper, giving him a wide eyed look as I pull my hand out of his grasp and he clears his throat, then downs the rest of the beer sitting in front of him.

Dad gets semi-serious for a moment. "Kiddin' aside, congrats kid," he says to the blushing bride to be. He's really talking to me next with that oh so very sarcastic tone to his voice I've grown to love and hate so much over the years. "To think we almost missed this shindig on account of Hanna accidentally forgetting to give us the f..." he starts but then corrects himself with a smile. "The invitation."

He wants to cuss. I know he wants to cuss, that's totally his I really fucking need to cuss voice but Dad tries to tone it down these days when he's around Faith and Thea. Says the two them have this sincere, innocent kinda thing going on that just makes him feel like an asshole if he cusses.

He's not an asshole, but god I love the man for making that effort for my friends.

Then he always mumbles something about wishing it would rub off on me and I roll my eyes.

I know he doesn't mean it. He loves me just the way I am.

I think.

I hope.

Lord, I hope he loves me.

I look over at his table and see my mother yawning. She's had a long day. Long month, actually, with all the training she and Dad are doing with Seth so he can take over their business.

Dad and I had... "semi-mutually" decided a long time ago that I wasn't cut out for private investigation. I'm more into the "muscle" side of the world of crime and intrigue. And Seth has always kinda been a part of what Dad and Mom built anyway, so it makes sense for him to pick up where they're leaving off. Besides, Seth knows he can always hire my services when need be. We're tight like that.

Plus I give him a discount.

A small one.

What? A girl's gotta make a living, you know?

"Dad, um, Mom looks kinda tired. Don't you guys want to head back to the hotel or something... maybe?"

"Probab...ly," he says as his eyes dip to lock onto the hand I'm rubbing and I hide it a little too quickly. I'm pretty sure I see his eyebrows knit together but then it's gone and he gives Decker one of his infamous cocked eyebrows.

I keep an eye on him because honestly, he can't stand Decker. Mostly because he's a cop. Dad hates cops. Says they're all dirty with the exception of Uncle Emmett, but he doesn't even know Decker. Not like I do.

"Thanks so much for coming, Mr. Cullen," Faith blurts out suddenly. "Hanna's like family... always has been a sister, really, which makes you my uncle, I guess, right?" She laughs nervously and my eyes curl up at her demeanor. "I mean, not technically speaking or anything... and, oh, speaking of technicalities, did you know Daddy is coming out with a brand new security microchip this year? You would just simply love it! I bet he would give you some samples for beta testing, wouldn't you, Daddy? Alec could install it, or maybe your friend over in DC. I know you have lots of contacts already but it never hurts to find a new one.. right?"

Dad's now giving Faith the old "what in the motherfuck are you even talking about" look. She's doing that thing both she and Thea tend to do when their mama bear instincts kick in and they can tell I'm in some sort of trouble. They divert Dad's attention away from anything and everything having to do with me... even though right now, Faith has absolutely no idea if I've actually done anything.

I seriously love her. Both of them. Even Thea is confused by Faith's rant, though.

"Um, Faith?" She snickers. "You okay?"

"What? I thought he'd want to know," Faith says and then grabs her glass of water and chugs it to avoid having to say one more single word to anyone.

I make eye contact with Thea, who's giving me this, "I told you this was a bad idea" look. I quickly divert my eyes to find Decker's, resisting the urge to bite my lip.

Show no fear. That's what Dad always says. No matter what. Show. No. Fear. Tyler says it too, which I've always found funny because seriously... what does that guy have to be fearful of?

And why should I be scared anyway? I've done nothing wrong.

Right?

I'm still trying to give Decker a telepathic pep-talk when Dad interrupts the connection.

"So how about a ride, Hanna?" he says, catching me off guard. I mean I thought they'd just take a cab but I should have known better. Dad's sneakier than you're average private eye.

Story of my life.

He makes it a point to step in between Decker and me as he goes to tell Mom it's time to go, staring him down in the process. "You comin'?"

I think Decker's going to choke on the tension but he manages to regain his composure.

"Of course, sir," he says, then takes my hand into his again and we tell the girls we'll be right back.

It's quiet between the four of us as we leave. My father and mother leading the way out to the parking lot, while Decker and I eyeball each other behind them. Decker raises his eyebrows at me and I shrug, letting my eyes grow wide, silently telling him to please just shut up for a little while longer.

"So Hanna," Mom finally says, cutting the quiet with a knife as we all approach the H4 Hummer Mr. Masen managed to arrange for me to purchase. "I know we said we wanted to stay for a couple of days originally, but something came up back home and I think we're just going to head home right after the reception tomorrow."

I sigh, visibly, with relief because I had no idea how I was going to handle things once this wedding is over.

Dad stops short and scowls at her. "We are?"

"Yep," Mom tells him and if it's even possible, the scowl deepens.

"Since when?"

Mom gives him a pointed look. "Since about five minutes ago."

They lock eyes for a few seconds before he decides to drop it, and even though part of me wants to ask questions about what's going on, I don't because I figure a) Mom'll tell me eventually and b) I'm officially off the hook for the weekend.

Small favors.

That doesn't mean there isn't still tension though.

"I better drive, you've been drinking," my dad announces as he reaches for the keys in my hand and I huff at him in response.

Still the control freak.

I don't know it it's the stress of the wedding or the circumstances surrounding the wedding or just that I'm so tired of his OCD, but I haven't been drinking that much (yet) so I pull my keys back away from his fingers and say as polite as possible, "I'll drive, Dad."

"Don't be fucking ridiculous, Hanna, it's late."

I narrow my eyes at him. "I'm not being ridiculous, Dad, and it's not that late."

Decker is backing away slowly and Mom has leaned up against the car at this point, just waiting us out. She's used to this.

"Don't be stubborn," Dad insists. But I'm not... or maybe I am, I don't know, but I know I need to practice pulling out those balls I was talking about if I'm ever going to make him understand.

"I'm not."

He let's out one of his infamous sarcastic chuckles. "Yes, ya are."

"I'm not a child anymore, Dad!" I tell him a little louder than I expected to, unable to keep it in anymore. I seriously don't want to just cry so I hold it in. He's not winning this one.

He does, however, stare me down for a minute and I feel blood rushing to my head, but I don't say anything else. Not yet.

"Well," he says, giving me this look like he's just totally and completely read my thoughts. "Guess you're right about that."

He opens the door and slides into the backseat, then Mom gives me a sympathetic, yet irritated look before she gets in too. Just Decker and I are outside now. Him on the passenger's side and me on the driver's, and now he's the one giving me a look. One that says he's sorry. For things he shouldn't be sorry about.

Once Deck gets into the Hummer, I take a moment to mentally kick myself for fighting with my father... and keeping secrets... and... well, pretty much everything.

The ride back to my parent's hotel is... interesting, to say the least. If you consider thick with tension interesting, that is. Unlike normal circumstances, though, it isn't so much what is said during the ride, so much as what isn't said... and what is done that catches my interest.

Decker rubs soft circles against the back of my hand as he holds it between us, telling me things he isn't about to say out loud. Every once in awhile, I look up into my rearview mirror and catch my dad staring at the two of us. Then he'd feel my stare and his brow would dip, and he'd look away, usually over at my mother. Kinda the same way Decker looks at me sometimes.

I don't know what to make of that and I don't let myself dwell on it too long, but when we drop them off, I hug my dad tight and for some reason, don't want to let go. Or maybe I just don't want to let go of that tie we used to have to each other. When I used to tell him pretty much everything.

"I'm sorry," I tell him and he kisses my forehead, just like he used to.

"It's not your fault, Hanna," he whispers, then lets go of me to make his way over to Deck, who takes a small step backwards as Dad approaches him.

Dad cracks his knuckles and then clenches his jaw, probably debating just passing right by Decker without a word but he manages to overcome his own stubbornness.

"Sure hope you know what you're doin' kid," he says to him. Now my brow is dipping, but Mom pulls my thoughts away from what my father is saying to Decker and she hugs me into her.

"I love you so much, Hanna," she tells me and then adds with a whisper, "We both do."

I get a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach and wonder how she can always do that with nothing else but a knowing smile. She proceeds to collect Dad before he can do anything he might not regret and they go into the hotel lobby without another look back. Until Dad does at the elevator. His arm is around Mom protectively, as always, and he catches my eyes with his. Even though we're about a fifty yards away from each other and there's a few panes of glass separating us, my heart hurts.

Just before I get myself together and back into the Hummer, I get a text from Thea.

Faith's curious.

I let out a breath of air and shake my head. There's just not fooling that woman, but there's also no ruining this wedding.

Not tonight, I tell her and then she's back almost immediately, stopping me from getting into the car once again.

Tomorrow morning then.

But I tell her, Not tomorrow either. But soon. Promise.

I slide into the car and put the phone down before heading back. The short trip back to the rehearsal dinner is silent. Decker seems like he's thinking about something and I can't blame him. With a father like mine, why wouldn't he be?

After I park and we start making our way back up to the yacht where Faith is waiting to ambush me and Thea is probably doing confrontation control, no doubt, he starts to say something but I cut him off, resting my hands on his hips.

"It'll be fine. We'll be fine. Don't worry, Deck."

He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, then stares off toward the boat we need to get back to, his head moving back and forth slowly. "I can't believe I let you talk me into this."

I pull away from him, surprised. "So, what, now you don't wanna be with me? Because of him?"

Even as I'm blaming my father one more time for my reasoning behind things, I'm sorry I said it because this conversation isn't about Dad. It's about Decker. And me.

He realizes what he said and how it must have sounded... I guess... because then his expression changes and he's close again. "No, Hanna, of course I want to be with you," he says, kissing the back of my hand, lingering on a certain spot. Then he murmurs against my skin. "Always."

Goosebumps... all over when he says things like that. When his lips touch me like that.

Still... "I don't know," I whisper and I'm not even sure why I'm saying it. I just know that second guesses suck and the fact that he might be second guessing himself... second guessing us... I just can't handle that.

"Hanna," he says, looking into my eyes with those stupid ones of his. The ones that caught my attention the very first time I tried to break his wrist for touching my shoulder at a bar.

"What?" I ask when he doesn't say anything.

"I love you. You know I love you. More than anything. It's just... I can't... I mean I wish that..."

He's struggling and finally I let out a huff of air as opposed to crying. I don't wanna know what he's about to say.

"Ya know what?" I say, pulling my hand out of his grasp. "Just... forget it."

I storm off like someone I don't even know and before Decker can stop me, I'm back inside the car. Then I head home to our apartment with stupid fucking tears in my eyes over stupid decisions that I made with my stupid heart... worrying I may or may not have just used up the last bit of stupid happiness I'd let myself have for the time being.

I get one last text for the night as I'm driving... and thinking... and driving and thinking... and check it once I'm stopped at a light. I'm both a tad sad and slightly relieved to find it's not Decker, but Thea again.

I want to send her a book. Tell her I've completely screwed up so many things since roughly three weeks ago. I want to beg her to forgive me... or better yet, fix me and or put me out of my misery... maybe even ask her to handle telling everyone what I've been keeping from them for me. A car horn beeps from behind me and I realize there just isn't enough time to tell her the actual answer to her question. Instead, I type her a short response and finish my drive home, hoping to find answers to my problems in sleep.

Thanks to Sue, thanks to Corie & thanks to Amy & Marie for letting me write with them. It's always so much fun writing (with & about) these girls. Love.