6. Hanna
There's a reason I don't do weddings.
I hate pretty much everything about them. From the stress leading up to the wedding, to these stupid dresses you have to wear (although at least Faith picked a great color, not that I ever doubted her) to the heels that are way too tall for my liking... to the pantyhose... ugh... especially the fucking pantyhose.
I feel the back of my shoes wobble and am thinking there's no way I'm making it down this aisle without tripping.
The beginnings of a small panic attack begin to set in when I see Jonathon up ahead of Thea and me. He is impatiently waiting at the altar for one of my best friends. The grin on his face as he waits for Faith is infectious. That's when I remind myself I need to stop with the bitching because, really, I love this wedding. I love the bride and my fellow maid-of-honor like sisters, the bride's soon to be permanent bed buddy for loving Faith, her overprotective parents, her crazy ass brother, and even Tyler the Barbarian slave driver of a mentor.
Screw the heels. I'll survive.
Speaking of Tyler, I nearly lose my super serious wedding composure when I see him sitting in his seat while the music plays. Tears are welling up in those big brown eyes of his as he watches the procession. He's even got a handkerchief at the ready in case they spill over.
Good lord, that man is made of marshmallows (note to self)... what's he gonna do when Faith starts down the aisle?
Oh my God, Faith is going to be walking down this aisle!
I lose my focus at that thought and nearly fall on my ass, but I pull at Thea's side to gain control again as we continue on.
"I knew we should have put you in flats," she teases and we both try not to laugh but she's right. I should have totally gone with the flats. Faith would never have known, she won't be able to think about anything but Jonathan once she starts walking down this red velvet carpet laid out for her.
Who can blame her? She's marrying the perfect man for her, in the perfect setting, during the most perfect time of year.
I'm so incredibly happy for her.
I take a deep breath as something hovering above us catches my attention and make a mental note to myself to be sure to thank Faith for deciding to have this thing outdoors. At least I don't feel cramped and stuffy like inside a church, but those damn paps that are lurking from a distance up in the air are really starting to annoy me. I want so bad to beg Tyler to let me run them off with one of Mr. Masen's high tech Enstrom F-58 helicopters.
But there's no way he'd let me. Would he?
I eye him curiously, and even with those tears in his eyes, he knows what I'm thinking. He's probably thinking the same damn thing, but his head moves back and forth slowly, with a single eyebrow raised above the other as though he's telling me, "Don't even think about it."
It was worth a shot, I guess.
My attention is diverted again because everything is itching me. I think my strapless bra hook just snapped and I sincerely want to nut punch the little shit at the edge of the aisle who keeps trying to pull my dress up and look underneath as I pass by.
Do parents have no control over their kids during these things?
Seriously.
Just as I'm about to burst into a tangent on the ankle biter, I see Decker and my heart stops.
Aside from the fact that he looks so absolutely gorgeous in his crisp suit and tie that I want to simultaneously snuggle up to and rip it off of him, and that his hair is in that sexy, he-totally-just-got-through-raking-a-hand-through-it-multiple-times look... I remember that we left things a little shaky last night. By the time he made it back to our place, I was fast asleep. I didn't wake him this morning when I left and seeing him staring at me so intensely is making me feel extremely uncomfortable all of a sudden.
Uncomfortable and anxious.
Definitely anxious.
Our eyes are locked until I have to break away to watch where I'm going (so I don't trip in the fucking heels again) but I can still feel his gaze on me as I take my place at the front of the lawn where the altar is set up. As Thea stands beside me, she notices the flush of color to my cheeks and tries to whisper to me without moving her lips.
"You okay?"
I try to smile for her, then nod. "You know it."
Pony up, Hanna, this is Faith's day.
The music stops and I focus my attention on who I'm here for as she makes her way down the makeshift aisle with Mr. Masen at her side. He's got her hand linked around the crook of his elbow and he's not letting go. I'm torn between thinking that look on his face is reflecting the fact that the man is simply not gonna make it to where we're all waiting for her, or that he's decided to fight Jonathan for her in some last ditch effort to keep his baby girl safe and sound.
I also wonder momentarily what it would be like to be in her shoes.
Then I huff inconspicuously.
Fathers...
Mine is in the crowd of people who are watching the bride to be walk with the most class, skill and beauty of anyone I've ever known, but he's not. He's looking at me with what seems like sad eyes and all these stupid emotions I've been trying to push down all morning are really starting to piss me off because I can feel my cheeks get even hotter than when Decker was staring.
Don't. Cry.
I jut my chin out defiantly and swallow, attempting to hide the fact that this ceremony is making me a nutcase. Then Thea's hand grabs mine... the one that's not holding the flowers I want to chuck because gnats seem to really like them (I'm surprised Masen didn't have them banned for the duration of this ceremony), and I squeeze her fingers.
Dad's stare moves from me to Decker, just like the night before, and the way he's looking at him is making me feel like he's about to pull that old Colt of his out and shoot the man.
Oh God, I wonder if he brought it.
He wouldn't bring it.
Not to Masen's only daughter's wedding.
Would he?
There's no way he'd get past security with that thing.
Suddenly I'm completely paranoid and feeling like a xerox copy of my father and I want to scream at him, "Stop! Stop! It's not his fault!" but I remember all of the lies I've told and secrets I've kept and I know there's no way he knows.
Sooner or later, though, I'm thinking... but for now it just all has to wait. I'll face the music with him... and Faith at some point, but this is not the time.
And then all I hear is Thea, even though she's not really saying anything, asking me, "When, Hanna... when is the right time?"
And I don't really know, to be honest, but I'll work it out.
I always work things out.
Somehow.
I force my mind to settle down from any and all conflict when Faith nears the end of her walk down the aisle. Mr. M. looks like he might throw her over his shoulder and make a run for it for a minute there but in the end, he comes through for his daughter.
I watch her as she takes her place beside Jon and the corners of my mouth immediately lift while I breathe a sigh of relief and pride.
Thea whispers from beside me.
"This is happening," she says and I nod in agreement, squeezing her hand softly one last time before letting go, even though it's the last thing I want to do.
"This is definitely happening."
Faith is stunning.
The dress she picked is perfection, her make-up flawless (like she needs it) and her hair, I must say, is a work of art. The veil hides what I know is going on underneath. Excitement, anxiousness, impatience.
Love, want, need.
I peek over at Decker.
Forever.
He won't stop staring at me and I can't stop staring at him. Part of me wonders if he's right. Part of me forgets this is Faith's wedding, but a slight nudge from Thea reminds me and I turn my focus back to the bride.
Faith has no regrets. She never has and never will. In fact she's giddy. I can tell by the way she seems to want to bounce right into Jon's arms and screw this whole formality of saying the words. When she turns to hand Thea her bouquet, she takes a time out to grab both our hands. Her smile is vibrant and as she gives each of us that look. The one that says in a few short moments she's going to be a Mrs. instead of a Miss and that she's happy. Not just that she's getting married, but that the three of us are here. Together. Being a part of the biggest day of her life.
And I've got pangs again.
I never would have guessed I could have friends like these two. Friends that I happened to meet on a playground when I was five. Friends that have turned into such an important part of me, for my whole life, and who will no doubt be a part of me for the rest of it.
Their love for me overwhelms me and suddenly I feel like my guilt is showing.
My eyes dip slightly. When I look up again, Faith is already back at Jon's side. Maybe she didn't notice after all, but Thea did and she's silently reassuring me that everything will be okay, as long as I get my act together. Soon.
As the formality of making Faith an honest woman begins and the bride and groom are being asked to repeat the same old vows that thousands upon thousands of people have also spoken throughout time, I know it doesn't matter what's being said. All they see is each other, all they know is what's in their hearts, and the only thing that matters is that after another five to ten minutes, she's his, and he's hers.
I let myself imagine what it would be like to be standing where Faith stands. I picture another man in Jon's place. I think about how nice it would be to have my friends at my side, to have my dad walk me down the aisle. Of course, we'd also be surrounded by a boat load of people, half of whom I probably wouldn't even know. I think about the stress Faith's been under the last year and all the stuff she had to deal with that had nothing to do with this moment right here, right now. The moment that is simply between her and Jonathan. And it only takes me a split second to realize I have no regrets. Not when it comes to Decker.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for reading, ladies & gents. And many thanks, as always, to Sue for her brilliant beta services.
It is always more than a pleasure to write with Amy and Marie. They are two very talented ladies who are always encouraging and supportive (and sweet to boot)... I thank them a million times over for that.
And um... side note: you all might want to be checking out the Harlequin Romance "So You Think You Can Write" original fiction contest - Because our Amy has submitted an original work that will be published if she wins it! The title of her manuscript is "The Weather Girl" and voting starts TODAY. You can vote once per day 'til it's over. More deets on Trouble's blog here: troublefollows1017 . blogspot .com (remove spaces).
xoxoxo