A/N: It's in Izaya's POV the whole chapter because it's easier to write this way. Oh, one more thing… HEARTBREAK!
I hate being sick. I hate how I can't leave my room. How I can't even open my window to smell the fresh air. I hate it. It's bad enough I can't go outside let alone the fact that no one can come see me. I feel so alone. Being trapped in this room until the day we move to Ukraine is depressing. Especially since the only thing in my room now is my bed and a few covers, they even took the pillows already. I can't even tell Shizuo that I'm moving since my parents say that using electronics, like the phone, could cause me to have another seizure like I did at the beach. That's probably why they took my TV away too. The doctor said I had dislocated some bone in my spine and it was forcing pressure onto one of my nerves, which caused the seizure. I told Shizuo at the hospital I was going to be fine but he kept blaming himself saying that it was his fault since he had thrown me on the floor. It took about two hours to explain to Shizuo that it whatever I had done to dislocate that bone had to have been done moths ago. This was a lie, of course. I have no idea how it happened but as long as Shizuo wasn't blaming himself I didn't care.
Finally, after all that time I had spent explaining, I was much too tired to tell Shizuo I was moving and I haven't seen him since. Now I feel like I'm slowly dying without him. My chest hurts all the time, my head aches 24/7, and anything I eat goes down then comes right back up. I just wanna see him again, just one more time. I shift in my bed, trying to find something to do for the next week. I've read every book in this house and I've done all my summer homework assignments. I've eaten any and every food that's come threw my door and I've hurled it up in every bathroom in this house. I'm still bored to death and feel like everything is gray. What I mean is, there's no color, or life anywhere. The only thing I have to look forward to is hearing my sisters scream and cry in the next room, and they don't even do that too often.
A few times I've heard my parents talk on the phone to Shizuo's mom, telling her that Shizuo won't be able to come over. I don't know why but I feel so infuriated when my mother talks to Shizuo's. I can hear in her voice that she's irritated and it sounds as though she's mouthing off to Mrs. Heiwajima, which once made my shout, threw my door, telling my mother to shut up. I paid for it though. My mother says that she was never talking to Mrs. Heiwajima, but I can tell by that faint, staticy voice that comes threw the phone so peacefully that it's her. I love Shizuo's mom. I love anything that has to do with Shizuo. I love Shizuo! I wish I could tell him, and I really want to but my mother says that in a few days I could be putting him in danger by remembering him. I don't want Shizuo to get hurt by anything my parents did. So I won't tell him. I don't have to. I can't, really. I'll never see Shizuo again so I won't have to see him cry, if he even does. I won't have to torture myself trying to tell him.
I roll over in my bed and look at the window. It's about 6 pm since the sun is starting to set, though that's just a guess since my parents took my clock too. I stare out the little rectangle to the huge tree that's pressing one of its branches against my window. I look very closely at that branch. Something's off about it… then I see them, 8 little fingers and 2 thumbs wrapped around that branch. I can see those fingers pulling up someone. Oh no. Why does everything hate me? Of all the times and of all the people to climb up my tree at this moment, it's Shizuo. I don't know what to do. I've never felt so hysterical in all my life. I wanna see him, yes, but I don't wanna talk to him! I can't decide whether I should tell him to leave or if I should let him inside. I can't even think right now. So I make the best decision ever and fall off my bed and onto the floor, in a flailing mess and hide under my bed, quietly screaming.
This plan would have worked spectacularly if it weren't for the fact that Shizuo was already sitting on the branch, watching me do all of this. He climbs off the branch and tries to keep his balance on the windowsill before he lifts the window up, breaking the clasp that was keeping it locked. I stay as quiet as possible once he enters the room and walks over to the bed. He gets down on all fours and stares at me with those shining bronze eyes. I guess it's because I haven't seen him in a while but when I see him give that perfectly crooked smile I want to kiss him. I've kissed Shizuo before but mostly when we were kids. In fact, I don't think I've kissed him, on the lips anyway, in about two months, and now I desperately crave it. I feel embarrassed wanting to do something like this but I can't help it. I scoot out slightly so that my heads no longer under the bed. I try to get as close to Shizuo as possible and look him directly in the eyes as I creep closer and press our lips together. I feel him tense for a moment before relaxing and kissing back. I can't explain it at all. I don't understand and I don't think I ever will, but kissing Shizuo is so… exciting? I've never kissed anyone before, especially not like this and I don't plan to. Shizuo is the only person I will ever kiss like this.
I pull away, and look at Shizuo. His eyes are closed tight and his face it bright red. I smile at him, and pull myself from under my bed and kneel next to him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. He jerks away and his face grows even brighter. I give him a smirk and get to my feet, and then I sit on my bed and pat the spot beside me, urging Shizu-chan to sit. I feel neurotic right now. My mind is rushing and I can feel my face become pale. Shizuo sits next to me and stares at his feet. He's embarrassed I can tell. I can't look directly at him either. I feel sick again, but this time I know why: I'm afraid. Afraid of everything at this point. But mostly afraid of Shizuo. I've never feared Shizuo's strength like I do right now. I imagine him going on a rampage if I told him. I imagine him trying to hurt himself or me. Then I realize something. I'm making excuses. I'm tricking myself into think that I don't have to tell him, the weakest form of retreating. I scoot closer to him and rest my head on his chest. Shizuo shifts so that he's lying stretched out on my bed and I'm placed soundly on his chest. I can feel him breathing in and out. I can hear the steady thumping coming from his heart and the hum in his throat as he begins to speak.
"Izaya, I'm really excited for you," I move a little so that I can look at him. I'm not sure what he's talking about so I'm looking pretty confused.
"Excited for me? Why?" I set my hand on his chest and feel at the tense muscles. Then he starts again.
"My mom said your parents got a really well paying job together and that you guys are probably going to get richer or something like that, and," Shizuo pauses and closes his eyes. " and I guess I'm just happy for you" I look away from Shizuo and try to hide my face in the covers, he knows so little about what's really going on, it's agonizing.
"It reminds me of when we first met and how you kept complaining about how poor you were even though your parents had two cars each. You were so shy in the very beginning. I honestly thought you were cute when I first saw you," He chuckles at this and his face gives off a light pink hue.
"I really thought you were sent from heaven just for me. I'm a little embarrassed to say it but I couldn't stand it when anyone looked at you. I always thought that they were abusing the privilege to look at something so beautiful and never truly acknowledge how beautiful you really are,"
My hearts stops. I think I just died, maybe, no. I can't die right now, I can't. I want him stop so badly but I can't help but urge him to keep going. And he does.
"I honestly can't tell you I'd be the same person if I hadn't met you. You're the only person that's ever tried to protect a monster like me, you know. You're the only person to call me Shizu-chan like I'm your little brother and I can't say I mind it though," He stops and looks at my wide eyes and my now blushing face "Izaya…"
Shizuo presses his hand on my head and calmly rubs my hair trying to comfort me. He can always see threw my masquerade, even when I try really hard to keep my feelings hidden.
"I think I'm in love, Izaya. So you have to promise me something. Promise that we'll always be together, threw thick and thin, promise." Shizuo holds out his pinky to me and I only turn away. Someone must be trying to kill me. They have to be. My eyes start to tear up; I can't hold it in anymore, not after that. I take a sharp gasp in and start to cry into Shizuo's shirt. He tries to lift up to tell me something, but I push him back into the bed. I gulp in air as I try to force the words to come out of me but I can't organize them fast enough before my mouth starts running.
"Shizuo, I'm so sorry. I can't promise you that. I'm so, so sorry, Shizuo!" I gasp in more air and wipe the endless stream of tears covering my face. I sputter out how I can't keep the promise and about how sorry I am. I sound like a broken record. Shizuo lifts up past me and pulls me into his arms and forced me to look at him. He's smiling at me in that way that makes my brain melt. I can't even feel the words as they slip off my tongue.
"Shizuo, I'm moving." I see Shizuo's face drop. He looks at me in shock, I can tell he's worried already and it only makes my heart ache more. I mutter to him again and again that I'm leaving but his face is stony and blank, it looks like he's dead. I feel like I need to scream but I can't find any strength so that I can. Shizuo's face comes back to life and he's asking me something but I can't quite decipher what he's saying. His voice starts ringing in ears like church bells.
Where?
That's the only thing I can get from his words. I struggle to spit out the name of that country and I don't even hear myself say it, but I know I must have since I can hear Shizuo start choking on his words. I expect him to start telling me excuses and jot off multiple reasons why I don't have to leave but he doesn't. He does something much worse. He screams. It's not loud, not at all since his hands muffle it. Those glistening tears are staining his cheeks and filling his palms. He looks like he's drowning in my eyes. I pull him close to me and I groan as he presses his face into my chest, heaving, trying to breathe. It's terrifying to hear him scream like this and I think I can feel something else drenching my shirt, but it's not tears. I glance down at Shizuo and try to see what's soaking my shirt and then I see huge blotches of crimson blood slathered on my t-shirt. I push Shizuo from my chest so that I can look directly at him. He tries to muffle the endless wails of pain by biting his hand but it's still loud to me as if he's shouting in my ears.
"Shizuo, I'm sorry I can't promise you we'll be together forever," My shaky voice pierces the deadly screams and Shizuo looks at me with half lidded eyes glazed with fear. I look down and place my hand over his, covering the bloody bruise.
"But I can promise you something, Shizuo. I can promise that I will always, always be yours," Shizuo stares blankly at me then moves closer so that I'm practically sitting in his lap. He's silent but I can tell he's confused by what I said.
"Shizuo, If even if I never come back, I swear that no one on this earth will ever take your place as…" The words get caught in my throat as dizziness starts to spill into my skull thrashing around like lightning. I shake my head so that I can continue.
"As the person I love the most in this world."
I wipe the last few tears away from Shizuo's eyes and give him a pathetic excuse for a smile before leaning in on him. For the first time Shizuo feels frail. I decide to use this to my advantage and push him into my bed and pull our bodies close together. I look at Shizuo and weakly press our lips together again. This time Shizuo kisses back immediately and I feel him nip at my lower lip. I've read books on this sort of juvenile way of hinting and I don't really think I should get the hint. I pull away and look at Shizuo again. I feel a sudden pain hit me and I have to drop my head suddenly on Shizuo's chest. My eyes widen when I realize what's happening, I'm having another seizure. I try to keep still as not to worry Shizuo and take in deep breaths. I try to hold out a calm, average demeanor for as long as possible but after a moment I just can't seem to keep my eyes open. And then I slip away into unconsciousness once again, but this time I'm kind of glad I do, it makes it feel like Shizuo's holding me into the depths of eternity.
Forever.
Not even half as long as the last chapter.
Next chapter is sad and depressing, you've been warned.
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