A/N - Longish chapter here. The end contains a bit of 'heat', but I assure you it remains rated 'T'!
Tila let Tiren go that night and didn't mention another word to him having to do with whatever was going on. He obviously had something to work out and until he said something there was nothing she could do to help. He was a grown man, older than her by at least 10 to 12 years. She kept reiterating to herself, over and over again all the way home mind your business, Tee!
She distracted herself after she got home by catching up on the latest episodes of her favorite soap opera Strike of Greed. She thought she had succeeded in pushing it all the back of her mind by the time she went to bed.
As she lay there staring up at the ceiling, there was a feeling of dread starting to climb up her back. That feeling was saying that something terrible was going to happen to Tiren if she didn't get to him in time. No matter how many angles she viewed it from, she could not figure out what might be going on.
Exhaustion was the thing that finally forced her to go to sleep, but most of it was deep and dreamless. There was only one dream and it intervened upon her in the wee hours of the morning not long before it was time for her to awaken.
She came upon Tiren in a dark, empty place. Wherever it was, it devoid of description and confusingly without substance. She didn't know where this place was supposed to be. There was a fire raging far from them as she observed him simply standing there, arms folded, almost arrogant looking face refusing to acknowledge her presence as he looked off into the absent horizon. He was close, but she sensed he was so far away.
The fire she sensed then grew closer in her awareness. Looking around, she couldn't see it directly. But looking back at him again, she knew he was sick. No, she realized, he was not 'sick' in the classic sense of the word. But he was trapped in something that had him chained deep down in his soul and there was nothing he could do on his own to shake it off. He needed help. To make matters worse, in the dream she realized he'd decided to not seek help. He wanted to let this thing, whatever it was, take him down into a violent dishonorable death.
Her shock was palpable in the dream and she sent it to him.
'What? But why? Why!'
He would not listen. He would not accept help. He would die and willingly, too. He began to walk away and now she could see the flames. He walked toward them, her following. But there was an invisible barrier at a certain point and she found herself trapped behind it. She banged on it but it would not move.
She hit the barrier again and again, but there was no sound. He continued walking. She was unable to get any words out. He hesitated, turned one last time and looked back at her. There was regret on his face as his eyes softened for a split second. The resolve in his eyes appeared again and she felt him withdraw from her as he turned back again and willingly entered the flames. He was gone.
But why? She needed to know, why?
She awoke yelling, "Why?" She scrambled to sit up in bed. But she now knew for an almost certainty. The man who had become her best friend, the best friend she had ever had, was going to be lost to her before long and she didn't know how to prevent it.
##
There seemed to be an invisible line drawn between them. She had decided to stay out of his way, give him time to think. Maybe that was all he needed?
It pained Tila to give him that space, but she knew somehow it was safe to let him have it for the time being. If he needed time to figure out how to tell her what kind of trouble he was in, she would give it to him.
The questions, though, continued to consume her after that strange dream. What sort of trouble could a Vulcan get into that was this deep and this dark? What? She knew he wouldn't do something as ridiculous as borrow from mobsters like the Orion Syndicate or loan sharks. Maybe it had to do with his Romulan side? But she had a feeling, no, that was not it. She knew Tiren would never betray the Federation or the Vulcan Council by trading information to the Empire. Besides, what information would he even have to trade? The best textiles and pottery clays that were in high demand on Vulcan this year? No, that wasn't it, either.
Whatever it was, she knew it had to be bad because Tiren entered a dark period with his creations. His work was deep and troubled. They knew someone would buy it, the buyers who were into the stranger side of this spectrum of art. But this was not his work, he knew. It was a side effect of what was coming for him. It pained him to know that he might never create things that brought him inner joy and this would be it, the legacy of the end of his days.
##
Less than a month went by after that disturbing dream and she had the distinct feeling that he was avoiding her. When she was in the office, he was not. He seemed to switch his nights and days. He created while she was in the office and when she was leaving, he would enter the office to do his regular work. She couldn't help but feel a little bit hurt. He didn't visit her home at all anymore and she knew better than to go to his.
Sitting in her apartment alone, Tila admitted to herself that for days she'd done nothing but think of him. She missed his presence, his voice, the subtle form of dry humor he had learned to wield like one of his crafting tools.
How long had it been since they'd spent a day together to inspire his art; or that she came out and found him sleeping on her couch or in the middle of a meditation cycle; or sitting there, waiting for her with breakfast for the two of them? Her instincts told her that she had not only seen the last of those days with him, she sensed she would lose him altogether. And all of that would be gone for good? No! Enough was enough.
It was time for her to do whatever it took to get him from the edge of whatever this was that had him in its thrall. She pulled on clean clothing and prepared to confront this demon. He was going to tell her what was going on and she was going to help whether he liked it or not. She was not going to take 'no' for an answer.
Tila went by the crafters shop, first, and saw he was already gone for the night. Good. That meant he could only be at his apartment and she went straight there.
Tiren was only half surprised to see her at his door. The dark part of him that was beginning to take over saw more than just his friend. He saw the deep olive of her skin and its healthy smoothness, the very darkness of her hair and the large lustrous curls that unfurled down her back. And he saw her eyes, the deep dark brown pools of care and concern that only looked up into his and wanted to help. Why did she have to come here, now? Why was his decision being tested in this way?
He stood in the doorway as if to block her entrance. "Tila, why have you-"
But a side of her he had never seen emerged. "Get out of my way, Tiren. You will let me in and you will tell me what is going on right now."
He found himself slightly amused as he stepped aside and let her enter his apartment. So he would have to tell her after all. She would not be denied. And it was her right, after all, to know what was going on after what they had become to one another. "As you wish," he said as he watched her install herself on his couch.
He went through the customary pleasantry of putting out refreshments for them both, though he suspected neither one of them would touch them this time. It was not like before, where he prepared things in his kitchen while the two engaged in conversation. This time, things were silent. The tension in the room was noticeable as she simply stared at him, eyes squinted, trying to figure out what was going on here. He put the items down on the table just near his couch and then sat, as well.
"Spill it," she commanded, her arms folded in front of her, the moment he sat way far down on the other side of the couch. A part of her was disturbed by that. He'd never sat so far away from her before. Maybe he thought she had gotten too close and was trying to shut that down? She didn't know.
The last piece of a puzzle moved into place for Tiren. He looked at her and the logical part of himself still functioning from their friendship was there, looking her in the face. "She knew," he realized. "They both knew. This is what my old friend from Earth, Benjamin, would call 'a set-up'."
Taken aback, she had no idea what he meant. And to hear such slang from his lips made her laugh briefly. It was a quick laugh that didn't defuse the tension in the room, though. "A set-up? Who set who up? What for?"
"Our grandparents…" He looked away from her as the rest of the pieces of the puzzle moved around further and adjusted in his mind. It hadn't occurred to him how much his decision would pain his Clan Mother. She had already done the best she could to reason with him, with full logic, to talk him out of it. But he had been determined and presented his own brand of logic to refute hers. She pronounced his train of thought logical and sent him on his way. But she had another brand of logic she knew was the perfect weapon. She had obviously used biology against him in the most subtle of ways. His own Clan Mother had resorted to trickery and used his ancient drives and nature against him. That she was capable of such manipulation paired with logic… Fascinating!
"I was bonded- married," he announced out of nowhere. "We were betrothed at seven."
Tila knew of the practice since she'd been to countless betrothal ceremonies in her time since she was born and raised on his world. She knew the custom well. "So your wife-"
"Ex-wife," he felt the need to clarify. "As children, we spoke often."
He thought of the strange conversations they would have, mind to mind, from the moment they were bonded. At first, as a young boy, he found it slightly off-putting. But as he grew, it became a comfort. And just as he came to rely on her, her input, her thoughts, just the feeling of her presence within him…
"As she grew to maturity, she realized what I was and found my Romulan blood more than distasteful. We attained adult hood and found ourselves to be…incompatible. My first Times with her were dissatisfying, to say the least. I always knew, through the bond, that she did not wish for me to even touch her. She took precautions so that she would not produce children with me. We spent our time as a bonded couple apart at all times. We did not live together, rarely spoke with one another. And upon my second blood fever, she used the opportunity to enact the Kal-if-fee. I was not at all surprised by her decision."
Tila was mesmerized by his tale. That fact that it had slipped in their last true conversation that he was close to his 'Time' had not escaped her. But she had taken for granted that he was most likely bonded, but now she realized he was not. This changed things substantially in her mind. Now she realized he had been in combat during his last Time. But it was hard for her to believe he'd lost to another victor from the sheer size of him alone, so how was his ex-wife an 'ex'? "She chose a champion. Did that champion-"
"He lost. But I released her from our bond, though by rights she was still mine. I do not ever wish to keep what is not truly mine," he said as his eyes finally locked onto hers. "My clan mother dissolved the union right then at my request." He seemed to be locked in the past. "I decided I would not put myself through such a thing ever again. And Clan Mother knew as she entered our minds to dissolve the bond. She said nothing at that time, but waited, hoping that biology would be on her side. When there remained less than two years on my inner chronometer, she began having me at her residence to discuss likely brides." He looked down at his hands, shook his head. "I did not wish to bond with any of them."
"Surely you changed your mind at some point," she remarked, shocked.
"I did not."
She had lived there all of her life, only knew these things because of the relationship her grandfather had with T'Kaletul. "But you'll die," she said, her anxiety level rising, her anger at him hitting the surface. But her anger with herself was there, too. She should have known that this is what it was he had been wrestling with. Perhaps she had not seen it because it was just too close? Or maybe she hadn't seen it because she didn't want to see it? Had the sensitivities of the planet rubbed off on her so badly that she found it disconcerting to even think of the words 'Pon Farr'?
His eyes bored into hers then. "Clan Mother knew the only way to interrupt my decision was to put a mate in my path. My biology is such that I cannot ignore all possibilities sent my way and my logic has recently risen and pronounced my decision of the past faulty and based on illogical emotion from the combat of the last kal-if-fee. I truly did not wish to kill again." He did not tell Tila that in his rage, when he had killed his wife's champion, he was fully present in that moment as he felt the life bleed out of his opponent. It felt good to kill the man, to see and smell and telepathically feel the lifeblood seep from his body. And then, that quickly, when his opponent breathed his last and his eyes dilated, Tiren was himself again and in that split second a mass of emotion rose up within him to assault and accuse. That impression from the past of his horror and disgust not just with himself, but with her, filled him once more. But the problem was that that other person was returning, that person that enjoyed killing his rival. He was keeping that other person at bay for now…for now.
She saw that he had gone into his head, thinking of something else. She pulled him back to their conversation. "What decision was- is that?" she asked, afraid to know. "The decision your clan mother knew at that point?"
He looked away, could not even meet her eyes. "I will-" he paused at first, not wanting to tell her. "I go to the edge of the desert and wait until the blood fever is fully upon me. I will walk, without a mate, into the open desert like what was done in ancient times and allow the blood fever and harshness of the land to take me down into death. Perhaps something merciful will occur such as a wild animal coming across me in my madness, perhaps a carnivorous plant or a le-matya-" He couldn't go on any longer. He expected tears from her, expected her to beg him not to do so, but he did not expect what came next.
She let out an exhale of disgust, now openly angry as she quickly stood and practically looked down on him. "You cannot even look me in the eye when you speak these words to me," she said in his native tongue. They very rarely spoke Vulcan with one another, though he knew she could, so to hear such words so harshly put in his language caused his head to snap around and forced him to look up into her blazing eyes. He saw it then, she was quite angry with him. She moved rapidly to stand directly over him as several tears of frustration broke free. "How dare you become my friend, force me to care about you when you already knew you'd decided to do this," she said, her voice breaking on the last word. The hurt on her face was obvious.
He was looking up into her angry face, his eyes pleading with hers. "Listen to my words. Clan mother knew I most likely could not do this if I met you, knew you. That is what I meant by we were set up by both our grandparents. My resolve was so strong when I made my final decision two years ago and now it will not allow me to consider the old plan for longer than a few seconds at a time while there is a female near that my mind yearns to know."
His words weren't making much sense to her at that point. She was still just so angry with him for wanting to give up like that. "What are you saying to me?" she asked, her face openly concerned as she looked down into his eyes, waiting for his next words.
He reached up. His hands made contact with her arms, closed around them, pulled her to sit directly next to him. The sensation of feeling her skin through the pads of his fingers and hands was almost too much and he immediately pulled away to stop the sensations that bombarded him. But the moment he let go, he wanted to touch her again.
He was more than satisfied when he carefully took her hand into his own and she did not shy away. He was careful, that time, to not let his telepathy spill over onto her. Through sheer will, he put a barrier between them so as not to sway her one way or another. "I do believe you were put here for me on purpose. Had a Vulcan female been hired at the shop I would instantly have known what my Clan Mother was attempting to do, would have seen the manipulation for what it was and I would have fled from the situation. I still had control of all my faculties when you arrived, but since it was you I did not see her plans. Now I do. Do you understand?"
She was able to turn her anger off a bit to think about his words. But she was not ready to acknowledge all of what he'd said, because a part of her insisted what he was saying wasn't possible. "How close are you?" she asked.
"I cannot yet tell exactly when it will be since it is only my third time, but I estimate that in as short as one month, perhaps less, it will be upon me. I feel the beginnings of it, stirring within. It is still manageable, but it is there, lying in wait, ready to take over my mind completely and leave me with a madness that cannot be denied."
She just forced her mouth to not drop open. That was terribly close. He could be dead in less than a month, her Tiren. She couldn't control the shakes coming over her then, try as she might. Her anger was gone and her grief at what might happen was starting to overwhelm her. Before she thought of the wisdom of her actions she was up and practically in his lap, hugging him, her arms around him so tightly she did not want to let go. She couldn't help but to brush her face against his, feel his skin, push at the barrier that he had erected telepathically between them. It was surprisingly easy to push away and then there he was, brushing against her consciousness.
Tiren hadn't seen that coming, either, and almost lost his breath at the unexpected action. The parts of them that made them unique were beginning to spill over onto one another. It was more than pleasant in feeling to him. "Tila," he begged. "Please, I cannot do this if you refuse me. I cannot take it-" he was shaking his head, pushing her away from his body, sitting her directly next to him, disengaging them mentally from one another. He was shaken to his core from the brief exposure of such instant access to her inner mind. "You do not truly understand Vulcan men, the power of our drives, the possessiveness in our natures." The urge to bond with her was becoming overwhelming with the proximity of her body to his. He wanted to put his hands to her temples and bind the two of them and then claim his mate. He turned from her instead, placed his hands as far away from her person as possible, forced himself to breathe in and out, trying to regain his equilibrium of control.
She moved slightly away from him, felt bad for whatever he was going through at that time, wondered if it was a mistake to touch him like that. She didn't understand why she'd done that. But as he turned and looked back at her, she found herself pulled into staring at his eyes and saw that they burned with a brightness she had not seen there previously. What was that? The will to live? "What are you saying to me?"
"If you put yourself into my arms now and I allow it, I cannot accept an answer of 'no' from you later. I will pursue you, hard, until you give in to me. I will attempt to kill any rival for your affection that steps in my path, real or imagined, or until I die." His eyes were burning into hers, becoming deeper, his breathing slightly labored. "I am too close to the blood fever to see you in an abstract way. The hunger to know your mind is overtaking me. But I wish it very much to be voluntary on your part. I must know first if you wish to be mine." Another part of him grew louder, insisted he simply reach out and take what he wanted from her! He slammed it back and erected a barrier against that thought, waited for her words.
He stood and moved away, forced space between the two of them lest his insides betray him. "I formally ask for the rite of koon-ut-so'lik with you, Lady Tila Van Zandt. I am aware that some form of thought must be undertaken by you since I am asking for more than the usual from you. But your Giseth blood has made you stronger than the average human. I still have enough control to allow you to leave me this night. I advise that you take it now while I am still capable of giving it to you."
He approached again and she allowed him to reach out and stand her up by his hands touching the parts of her shoulders covered by clothing. Even so, her heart tried to leap out of her chest and up into her throat. Tiren…wait. What? He was escorting her to his door, opening it, his eyes still holding hers. "The moment you decide, you must tell me immediately. I sense there isn't much time." There was a haunted look in his eyes, a pleading. And there was heat.
##
Tila found herself in bed that night, once again not able to sleep at all. She tossed and turned and only fell asleep three hours before she was due to rise. She was late for work by an hour. She was never late for work. As she walked there, late, knowing she was late, she was in a little bit of a mental loop. She wanted so much to speak to her grandfather about this. But she knew this decision was hers alone.
Uncle Valen was in the store that morning in the regular section in the middle of pottery work. He didn't say anything to her about being late, but perhaps he would later. She walked to the back of the store and as soon as she opened the door to the office she saw Tiren was there, at his desk, his eyes boring holes into hers. "Tiren," she said as she nodded to him and he slowly returned the nod.
Deep within, she was worse than bowled over by his eyes and the core of her responded, willing and ready to physically give him what he wanted. There was no denying it, she wanted to fall in bed with him. But bonding permanently? A bond was something more than a marriage. Even having lived on Vulcan a majority of her life she never in her deepest thoughts even considered marrying a Vulcan or that a Vulcan would want to marry her. It was why her mother had made her go to Earth in the first place. But now here it was, this decision needed to be made.
She sat at her desk at one point not realizing that she had stopped working and was staring off into space, thinking.
Tila knew her decision had to be a serious one and not just based upon the fact that she wanted to save her friend from death or that she did find him extremely attractive. If she were honest with herself she had to acknowledge that she did want him there, moving about in her mind, brushing the insides of her thoughts. Her face turned a deep shade of crimson the moment she thought that and she realized the intimacy of such a union.
She realized that he had also stopped working and looked across the office and found him staring intently. The two held eye-contact for such a long stretch of time. It was sending shivers of cold and heat through the both of them, staring this way. It felt too good and they could both barely breathe. She looked away, knowing that it would be no good to lead him on until she knew exactly what it was she wanted.
Did she want a permanent bond of marriage? Who wouldn't want that from a lifelong mate? Would she want that from him? Because if she didn't he would know it and he would carry out his crazy plan of death. She had to be certain with all of her being before she said anything to him, before he connected their minds. It had to be 100% certain in her mind.
Who the hell ever heard of a suicidal Vulcan? They needed to get him to a Master, stat, four years AGO!
##
By the end of the day, Tiren had already retired to the specialty craft room and was working out his frustration through art. It had been a rough day for them both for differing reasons.
He had had to restrain himself from obeying his instincts and turning her desk over then pulling her into the back of the shop. She had had to restrain herself from looking at him. Every time they did, something explosive took place between them.
Valen stepped in to bid Tila good-night. "I must take my leave, now," he announced. "Is all well? You are still here?" he asked.
"I was an hour late this morning so I need to catch up on everything before I go home."
He nodded. She most certainly had been late. But he had not mentioned it. He was about to leave but then could not stop himself from turning back to her. "Are you troubled, Tila?"
She smiled at the man who had become an uncle to her at such a young age. He had watched out for her on so many occasions when her parents could not. She remembered the time Uncle Valen walked up on her and a rude young human when she was sixteen. The young man was being quite pushy. Having not grown up on Earth, she didn't know how to deal with that yet. Valen had walked straight up and said to the young man, "You will leave her alone this instant." And he had quickly retreated, intimidated by older Vulcan. Valen had then walked her home just to be sure she was all right and lectured her on the fact that she should have been at home studying and not out wasting time.
"I have to make my mind up about something, that's all, Valen."
He didn't know whether to leave her at this point. "Is it serious?" he asked as he hesitated in the doorway.
She smiled though she did not find any humor in the situation. "Yes, quite."
"If you are in need of guidance, I am certain your parents as well as my wife and myself could be of immense help to you."
"I know and I'll remember that. Thank you." He knew he was being graciously dismissed and simply nodded. His offer was on the table, but she was old enough to figure this out on her own. And he suspected what it might be.
He forced himself to turn and walk away. She did not see the need to broach the subject with him and as a result this was not his concern. This could not be discussed openly. Valen went home and left the two in the shop.
##
Tila was done with her work after the hour was up. She stood and was about to put her shoes on, but found herself looking backward toward the door that lead to the crafter's section. He was there. And there was no sound coming from the room, so he was obviously not engaged in any work.
She was in the middle of a war with herself as she stood there, paused. She wanted to go back and check on him, make certain he was all right. But some other part of her wanted to do more than just check up on him.
She had always over-thought everything she ever did and said. Maybe this was not one of those times she should overanalyze. Maybe she should simply act?
She was past thinking of should and shouldn't. She walked to the back to the store rapidly, needing to see him, needing to feel something, anything, but she didn't understand exactly what it was she needed. She just knew she needed to be in the same place he was as soon as possible. She still needed to think but she needed him to know that he was wanted by her.
Tila reached the door and pressed the release switch. And he was standing right there behind it, as if he had been there the entire time waiting for her to walk through.
Surprise flared in both their eyes for a split second as the both of them had a shot of arousal bolted through them simultaneously. He found himself reaching for her; one arm snaked out and wound around her waist pulled her into the wood shop and close to him as his other hand roughly hit the switch to close the door. He lifted her quickly so her still unclad feet would touch nothing on the floor and become damaged.
"You were there the entire time?" she almost whispered in awe. She wasn't able to speak above a whisper, could barely get the words out over a rising tide of arousal, trepidation and excitement. And there was uncertainty, fear.
He was placing her on a high wooden desk as his face pressed in, close to hers. "Yes," he answered back as their eyes devoured one another and their breaths mingled.
She wasn't aware of what Vulcans did when this happened, but the emotions coursing between the two of them simply from staring into one anothers eyes and invading one anothers space was more than enough at that point. It was so wonderfully difficult to breathe as she felt the heat of his body so close to hers.
He lifted one hand, allowed his middle and index finger to slowly grace the planes of her face. Tracing the edge of the top of her forehead first, he allowed the two fingers to slowly drift down the bridge of her nose.
Sensations swam through the both of them that neither had ever experienced. She had the overwhelming urge to reach up and pull his face to hers, kiss him. But she didn't. She waited and decided to feel the sensations he could induce in her first. She instead did the same as he was doing at that moment and lifted a hand, traced the planes of his face.
A steady hum of pleasure was building between the two and he was soon at it with both his hands using all of his fingers to lightly skim over uncovered parts of her face, hands, arms.
Instinct overwhelmed him and Tiren found himself leaning into her neck and inhaling her intoxicating scent. His teeth grazed her there and she inhaled sharply, offered her neck to him. She didn't know why she felt the need to do that, but she did.
His teeth slowly and gently began to bite at the sensitive area, and soon his tongue joined the lovely orchestration of sensation. He would bite, lick and then suck the area. Each bite became deeper and then his fingers touched her temple.
All she knew was he was linked to her in a way she didn't understand and didn't care to understand. It just felt good, the warmth spreading through her body, the closeness of him to her, his mouth working at that spot on her neck. It was the best make-out session she had ever had and they were still fully clothed and their mouths had yet to touch.
The link between them hummed and throbbed hotly as his teeth sank even deeper into her neck and she couldn't help but pull him in closer to her as she inhaled sharply, mouth open as she then exhaled on a moan of want.
It was too much. He sensed what she wanted and his mouth left her neck and came crashing down on hers as teeth, tongue and lips fought for control of the sensations barraging the both of them.
And that quickly, he lost control. Both his hands were on the sides of her face and he was inserting himself into her mind the way he wanted to insert himself into her body. A bond was established quicker than either of them knew what was happening.
A/N: That's it for this chapter. Yeah, it's rated 'T', so sue me, lol!