Welcome back to the twisted, broken, desolate, yet drunken edifice known as my imagination! Last we left off, our stars just took flight. We have DX and the Hardys heading over to London and the nWo and Los Guerreros with Trish are headed for Japan. Let's join up with Los Guerreros, as they're just now flying over the west coast of the United States…
Trish: Guys, how long do you think this flight will take?
Chavo: Meh…it shouldn't be more than a few hours, maybe 8 or 9? It would normally take like 20 hours, homes!
Eddie: Yeah, mami—but it should be down to like 9 hours with that supercharger I secretly put in. Still, though, we're gonna' be up here a while!
Trish: Well, I suppose, then, that we're sleeping here in this plane?
Eddie (grinning): SIMON, ESE! Tonight's movie is a bootleg copy of "Die Hard"—my brother Hector sold it to me.
Chavo: Aw damn! When I asked uncle Hector for a copy of MY favorite action movie, he said he didn't have it and I wound up with a copy of, ugh, "The Muppets Take Manhattan".
Trish: …well dayum, boy!
Chavo: Damn right, chica! That movie sucked so hard, I threw my vacuum out and I now use that movie to vacuum my living room with!
Eddie and Trish have a quick laugh.
Trish: Yeah, I HATE it when people try to sell you substitutes for what you ACTUALLY want!
Eddie: Yeah, I can relate to that, mamacita. The local grocery store is ALWAYS out of shit. I mean, it's been a FEW times I'd go down there, looking for some sugar because I needed my Kool-Aid fix, right? Well, I remember those jokers trying to sell me some flour. Up here tellin' me that "it's just like suger, only not as sweet, so it's better FOR you"…my ass, ese!
Chavo: Yeah, I remember THAT shit, uncle Eddie! Trish, see, that's why we went there the next morning and ROBBED those fools! We took EVERYTHING we could get our hands on! I sold the dude's personal microwave for like 20 bucks, chica! We don't mess around!
Trish (smiling): I-I think I can see that—nicely done!
Eddie and Chavo glance at each other with a raised eyebrow and then they glance at Trish…
Trish (looking at both of them looking at her): Um…i-is there something on my face? Ahahahaha…
Eddie (stroking his chin and grinning): Hey Trish…how about we teach you how to lie, cheat, and STEEEEAAAAL?
Chavo: Yeah, you'd be an honorary member of Los Guerreros!
Trish: Well…I dunno, guys. I don't think I'm cut out for that kind of thing.
Eddie: OH come ONNNNN…you'd be a NATURAL, mami! Let me take you under MY wing—you'll rise faster than my cock during a Victoria match on HEAT!
Trish (laughing a little): Well, MAYBE…lemme' think about it.
Eddie and Chavo look at each other, smiling and nodding…
Hey, let's join up with The nWo, who are following a passenger airplane (NOT Eddie's)…
Hulk (laying on his horn): C'mon brother! Get a move on!
Nash: HEY, GET THE LEAD OUT UP THERE!
Hall reaches in his tights and pulls out a cooler. From within the cooler, he pulls out a 40 ounce of Olde English 800, and starts drinking it.
Nash: Scott, you're not going to be all fucked-up during this trip, are you?
Hall: No way, mang. The bad guy…can quit…whenever…he…wants.
Hogan: Look dude, don't throw up in my car like you did last time! It took me a week to get that vomit smell out of my car! It had my car smelling like "the morning AFTER the party"!
Hall: Easy, easy, Hulk mang. The bad guy and his booze…chico…he is gonna' carve…it…up!
Meanwhile, the aircraft is hogging up all of the airspace and Hulk redirects his attention…
Hulk (POUNDING the horn): C'mon dude! Move your ass! You know what? I have an idea…BROTHERS!
Hulk presses a button and a pair of legs with yellow boots and red kneepads stretch out horizontally from the front of his car. He speeds up to the plane—which is more than 20 times the size of Hogan's ride—he passes the plane, turns toward it and one of the legs lifts up and it gives the airplane a "Big Boot". Hogan presses another button and the car rises in the air real quick, the legs both stick out horizontally and then come down on the huge aircraft, giving the aircraft the Hogan leg drop! It immediately cripples the plane and before it goes down, Hogan pulls a spray can from his tights and sprays "nWo" on the side of the plane. After Hogan's done, THEN the plane suddenly goes down in flames.
Nash: Hahahaaa…SWEEEET!
Hall: That was AWESOME, chico!
Hulk: You see, NOTHING stops the bionic legdrop! HAHAHAHAAAAA!
Nash: Cause when you're nWo, you're nWo…
All three: 4-LIIIIIIFE!
Meanwhile, we have Team XTreme, flying over the Mid-Atlantic…
Jeff: We have a pretty good way ta' go, looks like.
Matt: Yeah…hey Lita…
Lita: What?
Matt: How long has it been since we were in Hawaii?
Lita: Damn…I don't know—it's been a while, though. Why'd you ask?
Matt: Well, those islands down there made me think of something…Ok, I know you can't put your finger on exactly WHEN we were there, but I KNOW you remember running into Ricky Steamboat that one time!
Lita (laughing): Oh my god, YES! He had this buuuuulllllshit Chinese restaurant!
Jeff: Wha? I always thought he was Chinese…
Matt: Yeah, yeah, it threw me, too. It's the eyes—it makes you think "dinga-dinga-ding-ding-dong-dong-ding". But, anyway…he's NOT that. But lemme' tell you about this scam of a restaurant that he had!
Lita (shaking her head): I will NEVER forget this! Go 'head, Matt!
Matt: Ok, well…me and Lita were craving some Chinese food one night, right? Ok, well we were walking along the one boardwalk on Maui and we spot this restaurant called "The Dragon's House of Chinese Food" We shrug and go on ahead in. Well, we're talking to the waitress and we tell her that we're wrestlers, but we're on vacation. She gets kind of excited, we give her our autographs and she explains that Ricky Steamboat is the owner!
Jeff: No shit? Wow!
Matt: Well, when we place our orders—I order shrimp fried rice and Lita, I think you ordered the same thing?
Lita: Yeah, I did!
Matt: Ok, our dishes come and they smell and look delicious! I take one bite out of mine and it tastes SO familiar—a lot like home, right?
Jeff: That's a good thing, right?
Matt: Well, NORMALLY, it would be, but not THIS time! Jeff, remember when mom used to make us Rice-A-Roni when we were kids? We used to LOVE it!
Jeff: Yeah, I remember.
Matt: Okay, well, APPARENTLY, so did Rick Steamboat!
Jeff: Wh-wha? What do you mean?
Matt: This "cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" bastard served us Rice-A-Roni with cheap, popcorn shrimp thrown in, trying to call it shrimp fried rice!
Jeff (laughing): Damn…that's rich, hahaha!
Lita: Oh, remember the waitress? Look, her accent was so fake and thick, you could cut it with a saw! "prace your orda', fye dolla'!" You can't put white facepaint on a white girl and try to sell her off as "Chinese". I mean, really—what was he thinking with THAT charade?
Matt: Ahh…memories, hahahaaaa!
So we'll leave them be for the time being and join up with DX, who have briefly landed…
HHH: Ok, ease it down…there we go! Ok, ref, do your job!
Ref: 1…2…3! (rings bell)
X-Pac: Hunter, you know, this is a long ass flight! We're gonna' lose MAD time if you keep flying around pinning the damn mountains with this…bus here!
HHH: Hey hey, now…we'll make it! We'll be ok!
HBK: Look, we'd BETTER make it! The Heart-Break KID ain't gonna' go all this way just to lose! This is a 9-hour flight, we ain't got no time ta' waste!
HHH: Ok, I get it, Shawn. Just one more mountain, pleeeeeeeease?
X-pac glances at HHH and rolls his eyes…
X-Pac: Aw fuck, not THIS shit again, Hunter!
HBK turns and sees Hunter's bottom lip poking out as his head is bowed down and he looks at HBK with the big, sad, soulful eyes…
HBK (pounding the dashboard): Damn it, Hunter! That's not playing fair! You know I can't resist the "big, soulful eyes" routine, c'mon, man!
HHH starts making his bottom lip start to quiver…
HBK: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT…pick a mountain—we'll land on top of it and you can…you can go over on the mountain, OKAY! But this is the last one, hear?
HHH (smiling again): Ok, over there—ooooh, that one's nice and pointy, like Steph's nipples! I wanna' pin THAT one, I wanna' pin THAT one!
X-Pac and HBK look at each other and just sigh…
Trish seems to be thinking about a life of crime and deception. Think she'll go for it? Who else will fall victim to Ricky Steamboat's "Chinese Cuisine"? Does Hunter's soulful eyes routine work on Stephanie? (Let's hope it does, he needs to use it to stop her from eating them out of house and home—you'll get that one if you've read the last 3 Adventures, lol) .Finally, could it be? Could Hogan's legdrop cure Cancer? I mean, it stopped a 747, right? Hehehe…I'll bet if you ask Hogan, he'll say it not only "kills Cancer, DUDES—it's the cure for AIDS, too Brother!"
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Thanks for reading! And don't forget to join me next time-same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!