Hey all, I hope you liked the last couple of chapters.

The whole idea for this story is coming up in the next couple of updates.

I am so excited about writing them.

So I am skipping a Christmas chapter b/c the summer break covers a lot of James' parents and Maruaders sans Lily so I didn't want to pile it on with this chapter too.

The beginning will touch on the break but that will be it.

This is a long chapter. Sorry about that. I couldn't find a place where I liked to break it, so I left it as one.

Uhm Rating warning for this one. BIG TIME rating warning.

This is rated M for a reason, this is one of the reasons. It is pretty uhm graphic.

Seriously, I got carried away.

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF THE RATING!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

So let's get on with it!

I don't own HP that is all JKR!

Chapter 16

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

The train ride home was excruciating for James. Remus was with the prefects, Pete was already at the school and Sirius was off somewhere pent up with Soaryn. She had come to their house several times over break, surprisingly it didn't take James and Soaryn long to find an easy friendship. The awkwardness that was first there simply seemed to fade away as they spent more time together as a group of three. But James was certain that it would be easier if he could figure out how to get Lily to agree to make them a group of four.

Sirius grilled him the entire break and even hinted at one point that he knew who the mystery girl was but James was resolute, and did not tell. He sat alone with his head resting on the back of the seat. His thoughts drifting to last night as he and Sirius sat on his bed, preparing to return to Hogwarts.

"Are we still grounded from our wands when we get back for summer?" Sirius asked as he fiddled with his new Nimbus 1000 and his maintenance kit.

James smiled at the forlorn look on his friend's face.

"Mate, I haven't been allowed to have my wand on breaks since third year. After so many detentions she just confiscates it right off the train. We will be of age this summer, I don't think she can take our wands if we are of age." He replied thoughtfully

"Mate, are you planning on telling your mum that you aren't handing over your wand. Because I sure as hell won't be risking that."

James burst into laughter as he imagined Sirius' face trying to tell his mum no. Which in turn brought the beast to his door.

"James Potter and Sirius Black if you do not get into those beds I am going to flay you where you sit. We have an early morning and I won't have you sleeping late. Go to bed or I will Silencio you both." She said through the door.

Sirius stood to walk over to the door that adjoined his room to James'.

"Where are you going?" James asked, smiling at his best friend.

"Your mum said to go to bed. I am going. I don't want her to flay me where I sit. I don't like to be flayed, or punished… All she wants is me to get into bed, well I am getting my arse in bed."

It took James a second to see and hear the underlying fear in Sirius. He sometimes forgot that his idea of punishment and Sirius' were vastly different. He had noticed Sirius acting like the perfect child this entire break. He had barely cut up with him at all. It hadn't occurred to James that this was how Sirius behaved while at home. He had visited James a lot since first year, but only for a week or two. He had always been a guest, but James' mum had always treated him just like she did James, punishments and all. Apparently Sirius did not realize that.

"Pads, come back over here."

Sirius turned and looked at him with disbelief clear on his face.

"Did you not hear her? Bed, now. Detention is one thing. This is another."

"So you wouldn't willingly be punished for me?" James asked a grin on his face. He knew the answer to that already.

"I-I-I- I would but not if we could avoid it, which we can so let's do just that."

James stood and walked over to him, Sirius looked horrified. As James got closer he noticed that he was shaking slightly.

"Sirius Black, my mum's idea of flaying you where you sit is not what you think it is. My parents would rather die that hurt either of us. I have spent half of my life being punished by my parents. And I remember actually being physically punished twice. And mum made my father do it because she didn't want to see me cry. I highly doubt she would start abusing me now.

You are here, not at Grimmauld Place. You aren't going to be hurt ever, ever again. Dad told you, they have sole physical custody of you until you are seventeen, or until you leave school if you stay through 7th year, which you are going to. They aren't the parents you grew up with Siri. They are the parents that you should have had." He had tried to calm him down, but his hands continued to shake even after he had been coaxed to come sit back down on James'bed.

"Siri, talk. You are just going to give yourself a panic attack or nightmares if you don't."

"No, I don't want to talk about that. So are you going to tell me who this girl is? Or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" he said with a hint of a smile.

James took the opportunity and ran with it.

"I can't tell you. She would kill me, easily at that." He replied.

Sirius actually chuckled.

"Hmmm so she is stronger than you heh?"

"Well maybe not stronger but she is faster at firing spells that is for sure. And she has some creative ones too. The other day she left me standing half naked with the flick of her wrist. That is embarrassing if you aren't ready for it." James said with a slight blush as Sirius let out a bark like laugh.

"My kind of girl." He said with a grin.

"Yeah well you keep your furry arse away from this one. I was nice once, and only once."

"How can I stay away if I don't know who she is? What if I accidentally ask her out?" he prodded.

"What if I accidentally break your pretty face and do a switching spell on your hair for Snape's?" James muttered.

"Well I am just saying, you can't expect me to stay away if you don't tell me about her."

"I have told you about her." James rolled his eyes. "I think I am in love with her Sirius. I really do. I think I am done for."

He looked over at his best mate and saw him looking knowingly back.

"Tell her." What girl could say no to that?

"This one, I can't even tell you how screwed I am. I can't believe I told you this as it is."

Sirius looked into James' eyes, knowing without a doubt that he was talking about Lily. The same Lily that he swore to be getting over, the same Lily he had been in love with for years. Sirius couldn't be certain but he thought that Lily might just be in love with James too, she just had no idea.

He could see the nerves, pain, and embarrassment shining in the deep hazel eyes. James was the closest thing he had to a real brother relationship. He knew he had just told him something that was very hard to think about. So he sighed and took his turn.

"My mum accidentally, well I think it was an accident, stopped my heart once. She was punishing me for breaking a piece of china with a bludger. I was nine. I remember thinking I was being suffocated by darkness. I guess my lungs collapsed from the screaming.

One time Reg had written on the family crest and I knew my dad was going to unleash hell's fury on him so I said it was me. That was in second year. Remember when I came home from Christmas break late because I had fallen from the top of the stairs. Yeah, I was cursed down the stairs.

I don't mean to look like a whiny, scared little witch. I just. I hate it, I feel so weak, and I just, I don't like feeling the pain." He said softly.

"I don't know anyone who likes that kind of pain. I don't know how it was or how it has been but it won't be like that again. I can promise that. My parents, I, will die before letting them touch you again."

"Well if your titchy itchy witchy won't have you, I will always love you Potter." Sirius replied.

He noticed that James froze and his face looked shocked when he had used his surname. It had been on accident that he had used Lily's name for James but the effect was priceless. He started to laugh, which in turn caused James to burst into laughs as well. It wasn't 2 minutes and the door flew open and Maddie Potter herself burst into the room with a stern look on her face. Sirius felt his body go stiff as she rounded the corner of the bed. He saw James glance his way briefly before rolling into a ball and shrieking. His mum had started hitting him with a pillow from head to toe, after a moment she started hitting Sirius as well. Both boys were laughing and trying to fend off the offending pillow as she scolded them.

"If you two do not get your bums in a bed and shut your mouths I am going to beat you senseless." She was saying in between hits.

"Oh yes love, because having a pillow fight with your 16 year old sons is just how you should punish him, it will do him so much good." James' father said with mock sarcasm.

"Boys, you have to be up by nine tomorrow, and if you are not in the hall, bathed, fed, and packed by 10:15 I am leaving you both here and writing Dumbledore to tell him you are walking to Hogwarts, and woe betide you if you are late." He said with a smile. "Come on Mrs. Potter, I have plans for you."

"UUUHhhhhggggghhh, that is enough punishment, stop, just stop." James yelled covering his head with his pillow trying to block out his father's words and his mother's blushing face. Sirius smiled as Mrs. Potter kissed both boys on the cheek and headed for the door.

"Goodnight my loves." She said before closing it behind her.

oOoOoO

The sound of the compartment door opening caused James to open one eye slowly. He smiled when he saw none other than Lily Evans standing in front of him.

"You are behaving to well, you must be up to no good." She said with a cheeky glint in her eye.

"Hmmm that's not what you said the last time I…." he was cut off by Lily frantically interrupting.

"REMUS! What are Black and Potter up to? They are both too quiet."

He noticed Remus then, we was standing just inside the door and had a bemused look on his face.

"As far as I know they weren't planning anything, but you may want to scan the train on the way to the girls. I will stay here and keep him in line." He said sitting down beside the red faced, dark headed boy.

OoOoO

It was now Wednesday, a week and a half since they had arrived back to school. The Gryffindor sixth years had gotten to school, started classes and hit the ground running.. They were so busy that James and Lily had yet to see each other at all for more than just meals. The guys and the girls had barely even seen each other in the common room. Lily and Remus had patrol more frequently, and Sirius and James were in Quidditch practice every evening from 4 until 6:30.

With it being this side of the holidays that meant that Gryffindor had one month until the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin game and James was frantic and obsessed. His team was practicing every night and twice on Saturdays, a three hour practice in the morning and a two hour practice in the evening. Needless to say he was deeply hated by the team and all of their significant others right now. Even Sirius was getting frustrated.

"Look mate, I know you want to beat Slytherin. We do too, but you have got to chill out. We are all dying here, and most of the team is way behind on homework. Please, just cancel practice tonight. Give them a break and go get with your girl. You are going insane, you can't fool me, I know you are prolonging it because you don't want to tell her how you feel. Just go be with her for the night. It will do all of us some good."

James started to protest but Sirius held up his hand to silence him.

"And if you refuse, well I am going to hex you, hide you in a broom closet and cancel practice anyway. I do have only your best interest at heart." He said with a wink.

James sighed and looked at his watch. It was an hour before lunch. They had double care of magical creatures after lunch and a free period before. Neither of which correlated with Lily's schedule. This could work to his advantage. He grabbed the cloak and glanced at the map, searching for her and finding her quickly, she was outside, her free period having just ended. Soon she would be headed to ancient runes with Alice, Marleen and Remus. An idea quickly forming in his head he turned and smiled at Sirius.

"I won't be at lunch, or in class. Make something up, I don't care what. I will see you at dinner." He said with an evil grin before running out of the dorm.

He had been in such a hurry he left the map on the bed. Sirius smirked as he picked it up and watched James run the familiar path to the kitchens.

OoOoOoO

She was walking with Marleen, Alice and Remus. They were on their way to Runes when the strap on her bag broke, causing her to spill everything onto the floor.

"Shit." She said irritably.

To James' irritation Remus stooped to help her pick everything up. James knew that above all of his friends that Remus was the one that probably had the best idea of what was going on so he threw caution to the wind and knelt behind him. He lightly squeezed his shoulder, Remus stiffened slightly before James whispered in his ear.

"She is going to tell you to go away. Listen to her. And make up an excuse."

He watched Remus try and hide a grin. His face betraying him and showing the understanding flash in his gray eyes.

James then stooped behind Lily and lightly stroked her cheek and placed his hand on her waist to steady her.

She jumped and squeaked at the unexpected touch.

"Shhhhh." He whispered into her ear.

"You alright Lily?" Remus said with faux concern written on his face.

"Yup, yup, I am fine. Just twisted my ankle the wrong way that is all. Uhm why don't you go on to class and I will be there in a second." She said, slightly out of breath.

"Are you certain? Maybe I should help and then take you to Pomphrey, she can check your ankle."

"No, really it's fine, just go to class and tell her I'll be there in a minute. My ankle is fine, just tweaked it a bit. Go on. No sense in both of us being late." She assured him.

Remus nodded and handed her a fallen quill.

"Alright, I will see you in a bit then. I'll let the professor know." He said before sprinting off to catch up the other two girls.

James watched as she quickly picked everything up and stood, he immediately threw the cloak over her head and turned her to face him. He ran his hand across her cheek and then pulled her into a kiss. The first in weeks.

"I miss you. Come with me." He said softly.

To his surprise she let her bag fall to the ground and threw herself into his arms, causing him to stumble back into a stone wall, leaving her bag visible in the middle of the hall. She kissed him with an intensity that he hadn't felt before. It made him feel as if he were on fire. Once they broke apart he grabbed her bag and they went as quickly as possible to the seventh floor.

oOoO

Sirius POV

He watched as James and Lily stood still, waiting for the Remus dot to leave them. Did Remmy know or was he just there by chance? He needed to talk to him tonight. The more of them that knew the sooner they could confront James and squeeze the truth out of him.

Lily POV

The entire way to the tapestry one of them was touching the other, whether it be a stroke of the face, a kiss on the hand. At one point James had stopped in the middle of a deserted hall and pulled her into another amazing kiss. They couldn't keep their minds or hands off of each other.

She couldn't believe how much she had missed him. She hadn't thought it would be possible to miss James Potter like that. When the opening in the wall appeared they had barely made it through when James threw the cloak off of them, flung her bag across the room and pushed her against the wall, leveling her with a mind numbing kiss.

She closed her eyes and felt him pressed against her. He was everywhere, everything she could sense or feel was James, just James. The scent of him was intoxicating, she was enveloped in it, it was the one constant in her world. The smell of James Potter, the smell of broomstick polish and of the woods, underlying chocolate and then the overpowering aroma of whatever was in his bloody soap that set it off just perfect. She knew she wasn't the only one to be left spinning by it, she had seen many girls look dazed once he hugged them or even just bump into them. And yet somehow here she was, she was the one he was skipping class with, she was the one he had flattened against the hard stone and was kissing like he had never kissed her before.

He pulled back and smiled brilliantly at her. They finally walked into the room and the change in it made them both stop in their tracks. The room was different and the difference was obvious. It was completely circular and there was no sofa or chairs, only a table stacked with snacks and drinks, a small fire and a massive, plush bed in the central part of the room. They both knew one thing, the room made itself whatever the person in it needed or wanted. They turned and their eyes met.

She saw the shock on James' face and watched as he swallowed hard and glanced back into the room.

"Lils. I brought the food and left it because I figured we would miss lunch, I just wanted to spend more than thirty seconds with you. But I didn't…What I mean is there were chairs and a chase lounger and…I didn't set you up, I swear it." He said in a rough, nervous voice.

She nodded and stepped closer.

"I know, that isn't how this room works anyways, right?" she said nervously.

He looked like he was paralyzed where he stood, he merely nodded. Taking advantage of his silence she placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned into a soft, sweet, and for the first time ever, timid kiss. He responded in kind, placing his hands on hers before running them up the lengths of her arms and letting the slide down the sides of her breasts to her waist. He was trying to let her set the pace. She recognized the nerves in his every movement. It was funny how a piece of furniture could change the entire atmosphere.

She knew he was going to stand there, in front of where the door once stood but now did not. She used her fumbling fingers to pull his tie loose, and unbutton the top three buttons on his dress shirt. That was all the encouragement he needed it seemed, or else he just lost control, because he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. He kissed her all of the way to the bed before laying her gently on top of the fluffy deep purple comforter. She scooted backwards to give him room to climb on too. She had expected him to lie beside her, she was wrong.

The look in his eyes was staggering. It held so much desire and need that looking into them made her quiver, there was something else there, fear maybe? But she had only seen him truly scared twice so she may have imagined it as it seemed to disappear as soon as she had even registered that it was there. It was replaced by a look of determination, but she didn't have long to see it as he was quickly straddling her hips and leaning down into a nerve tingling kiss. In that moment time seemed to stop.

He had never kissed her like this. Like his life depended on her kissing him back. She was vaguely aware of him unbuttoning her blouse and pushing it open. He moved his lips from hers and kissed the newly visible skin above the low cut undershirt she wore. Her world seemed to revolve slowly as he leaned up and pulled her to a sitting position with him, removing the uniform from her shoulders, and pulling his own off and tossing them to the stone floor. She let her hand roam down his bare chest to the waist band of his pants, unhooking them so that they fell open and rode low on his hips, they were only staying on because of how he had his legs spread on either side of her legs.

His smile made heat rise from her stomach and shoot to every possible point in her body. His hand was holding her upright, keeping her from laying back down, as he pulled her shirt high around her waist he stopped kissing before they reached her bra. Now his nerves began to show as he looked into her eyes again.

"Can I?" he asked softly.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"All of it?" he asked hoarsely.

Knowing fully what she was agreeing to she nodded again. His eyes softened as he pulled her back into a gentle kiss before pulling her lacy white camisole off over her head.

James POV

The fear and nerves were plain on her face. But it was obvious that she wanted this. He asked her permission anyways before ripping her last vestiges of clothing off of her. He couldn't be certain but he was pretty sure she hadn't done this before. He had never done this with a virgin before. It made him nervous. All the more so that this was Lily Evans, he had only dreamed of this moment for years. After removing her barely there anyway undershirt he left her bra on for the moment and turned his attentions to her skirt, leaving her laying in her stringy lace white panties and matching bra.

"If I didn't know better I would say you were expecting this Evans" he joked.

She giggled and shook her head.

"They are new, I went shopping on break. Bought all new under garments." She explained breathlessly.

He laughed over the fact that she had actually responded.

"I do not need an explanation, the view is enough thanks." He said, watching the blush creep up her stomach and neck, flushing her cheeks.

He ran his fingers over the contours of her abdomen, watching with pleasure as goose pimples appeared and as she sucked her tummy in with every move of his hand. He let it trace its way to her bra strap and let his eyes meet hers once more for acceptance of what he was about to do, he saw no resistance there, only desire and nerves so he put his hand behind her back and felt it release in his fingers, he pulled it free slowly and let it fall from his hands next to them. Lily bare chested pushed all of the air from his lungs. She was more beautiful than he knew how to imagine. He knew that even looking at her like this now that his mind would never be able to conjure up this image again.

He knew he was kneeling over her, not moving, just gazing at her but he felt like he had been immobilized. It wasn't until she started pushing his pants lower on his hips in attempt to remove them that he moved to help her. He soon knelt next to her in black boxer briefs. He anxiously awaited her eyes to return to his face before continuing. He kissed her lightly.

"I need to know, love. Have you ever?" he murmered against her lips.

She shook her head slightly, he nodded nearly imperceptibly before turning his attention to her lips again. He kissed her softly, deeply. He wanted her to be able to feel and understand how much he truly loved her. He wanted her to know she was more than just some girl he was about to shag, because she was. She was everything to him, he could just never figure out how to tell her.

He kissed her lips and her jawbone, she squirmed as he bit her ear softly, all the while he was running his fingers over her stomach and as his mouth made its way to her collarbone and to her ribcage, his fingers traced their way over her hipbone, they danced across the strap of her panties. He toyed with the strap, letting his finger loop beneath it. He kissed his way from her ribs down her side, she wiggled and put her hands in his hair. It drove him crazy when she held him by the hair. He slid the panty strap down and kissed her hipbone. Causing her to involuntarily arch her back. He smiled against her fair skin, glad that he wasn't the only one going insane with every touch.

Kissing his way back up the curve of her side and over her ribs he allowed his hand to touch her bare breast. He ran his finger gently over her nipple and rubbed circles with his thumb. She whimpered at his touch. He took her sound for acquiescence and lowered his lips to the curve of them, taking each one softly into his mouth, while letting his hand slide down to the center of her legs, resting it on top of her panties. She pressed up against his fingers when they massaged over her.

He teased her for some time, before slipping his hand into the side of the wet lace. Allowing his fingers to explore every place of her that he could find. He knew without a doubt that he had to get her ready. There wasn't a way to do this without hurting her. Could he face hurting her? His mind bounced back and forth between his desire to pick her up, rip the only remaining barrier off of both of them and to throw himself into her, and running for all his life was worth because doing this meant causing her pain, something he had sworn to himself never to do. Her muscled tightened around his fingers and she dug her nails into his shoulder,

"James…Gahahgh." Came her muffled scream as she pulled his face to hers and kissed him hard, passionately.

He pulled his hand back and sat up, she cried out at his absence. He smiled and grabbed the sides of the panties and pulled them off quickly. He scooted back and lifted her legs so her feet was flat on the bed, she had her knees resting together until he kissed the right knee and nudged the other leg away with his cheek. She resisted a bit and he looked up at her. Ready to stop everything at her say so.

"Are we done?" he said with a smirk, hiding every ounce of disappointment from his voice. He wanted her to do this because she wanted this, not because she felt like she had to.

She shook her head.

"No, we aren't done. I just…I…I don't want you to see me…Like that." She barely said.

He rested his head on her knees looking her in the eyes. He knew she what she meant. He was far closer to any part of her than anyone had ever been before. It was scary to let yourself go like that.

"Lily, don't be afraid. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen love." He kissed her knee again but instead of pushing her legs apart he scooted up beside of her. Laying back and staring into her eyes.

She wasn't sure what he wanted. He took her hand and placed it over his heart and held it there until she rolled to her side to face him. She used her arm to prop herself up and look at him, he was laying on his back and had closed his eyes as if he was at complete peace.

He felt her tentatively run her hand over his stomach, across his ribs and to the waistband of his boxer briefs. He could almost feel the anticipation and nerves under them. She wasn't sure if he wanted her to do this. James opened his eyes and met the electric green with his stunning hazel. He blinked once, slowly, he saw her breath falter. To calm her nerves he leaned up and kissed her with every bit of passion and desire he had. Her hand fell to her side which made it land on his inner thigh she let her thumb rub his swollen area gently, he groaned throatily and threw himself back down on the bed, giving her every opportunity to do whatever she needed or wanted.

What she did, took every bit of his air in his lungs. She leaned down and kissed his stomach, his hips and she gently pushed her hand under the elastic band, taking him in her warm palm. He tried to lay still and let her explore but when she pushed his britches below his buttocks and kissed his inner thigh before straddling his hips he lost all signs of control. He looked up at her, completely nude, her wetness pressed against him and he couldn't take it. Knowing she wasn't ready for him yet he gripped her under both knees and flipped her onto her back.

She yelped in surprise at his speed and moaned as she gripped his hair and licked and kissed his way up her inner legs. Pushing her knees apart he gently nibbled high in the crease of her leg, causing her to cry out, when he did it again she tried to squirm away upward but his strong, quidditch toned arms held her in place and he let his tongue dart over her innermost places, causing her to fall off a cliff she hadn't even known she had been on the edge of.

Making her whimper and wiggle he slid two fingers into her.

"Merlin James. I can't… you have to…Just please…" She begged him.

He pulled himself up, looking into her face and kissing her trembling lips.

"Are you sure?" he asked, never removing his fingers. She pressed herself into his palm as it showing her need.

"Yes. Just please." She mumbled before pushing his raven dark hair from his sweaty forehead.

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be the one to make you hurt." He said, she could see the sincerity written all over his face.

"You would rather it was someone else doing that to me?" she questioned softly.

He shook his head sharply and she felt him press his erection against the outside of her.

"I am scared." He muttered

"Me too. Just…It will be fine." She assured him as much as she could. She felt his fingers slide away and watched him place his hand above her head.

He leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers, this kiss was different, everything about it screamed with emotions running high. It made her dizzy, it made her ache for him. And as she began to dig her nails into his shoulders he pushed into her.

He didn't try to be fast but he knew that being slow about it would cause more pain. So he started a smooth rhythm that matched his breathing.

Lily POV

It helped that she could concentrate on his breaths to block out the stinging she felt. She tried to hold her breath but she let out a whine and a hiss of pain anyways. She had her eyes closed and she felt him turn her face upward so he could see her.

"Lily, open your eyes my love." He said softly.

Her mind briefly picked up on the words my love, but they were so fitting right now. She opened her eyes and knew that with the first blink tears had overflown. He brushed the first away with his thumb as he continued to press himself deeper into her.

"Lily, we can stop." He said starting to slow down.

She forced her legs around his waist, pulling him farther into her than he had been before. She cried out a bit but spoke softly.

"No, I don't want you to, please don't stop."

He looked at her and nodded before leaning down and kissing the tear tracks from her cheeks.

"I really do, Lils, I do love you." He said softly into her ear before placing his one hand behind the small of her back and pulling her harder against him.

James POV

He was really trying not to hurt her but he had reached a point of no return. He held her lower back in one hand while holding himself up with the other pushing harder and faster into her. He knew she had to be in some pain but she had stopped whimpering and when he looked into her face, the tears had dried. Her eyes were now closed and there was a look akin to pleasure on her face.

"Lily, I can't stop, I can't wait…I have to…" he stuttered. He was nervous for what he was about to do. For what she would think.

She opened her eyes and looked deep into his. When she released her legs from around his waist and let them fall open to the sides giving him far more room to thrust, he knew he was done for. She put her hands on his hips and pulled him against her harder and he took her insistence for what it was. He threw his hips against her time and time again. She cried out his name, he knew it was both in pleasure and pain. He sat up onto his knees and placed both hands on her backside and pushed deep into her letting himself fall, in every way possible.