Yep…here we go again! I swear, as I write these chapters, I can literally FEEL my mind twisting into a knot so tight, it's becoming a virtual Chee-toh-only without the cheese, but you know what I mean…I think. Ah well, fuck it—let's rejoin DX, who are flying and approaching an island…
HBK: Wow, I can't believe we're making this good of time—even after all of those moutains we "pinned" back there.
HHH: See? Told ya' we'd still make it! You gotta' trust me on these things, Shawn.
HBK: Ok, I'll admit—you were right this time.
X-Pac: Hey guys, check that out over there!
The guys turn and see the Hardys and Lita descending on the island in the distance.
HHH: Shit, we gotta' hurry!
HBK puts the pedal to the metal, so to say, and their winged bus starts flapping harder and harder as it rapidly approaches the British Isles. Just then, the coast becomes more and more visible…
X-Pac: Ok guys, DX is in the HOUSE!
HHH: Imagine, guys—an entire COUNTRY of people I could pin—old and young, fat and skinny—bring 'em ALL on!
HBK: Whoa whoa whoa…I'll be DAMNED if you're going to pin all these people—it'd take an eternity, dude!
HHH: Hey, easy Shawn, easy—I have ambitions like everyone else!
X-Pac: Yeah, but you take it too far sometimes, man.
HHH: Wha? What do you mean?
X-Pac: Ok, take last Wednesday for instance—we were in that one mall, and you decided to stop by Victoria's secret to do a little shopping for your wife.
HHH: So? What's so bad about that?
X-Pac: C'mon, dude. You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about! When me and Shawn here were looking for you in the mall, we found you pinning a store MANNEQUIN!
HBK: Hahaha! I remember that! Hunter, you're lucky those ladies didn't call the cops!
HHH: Why? Why would they call the cops on…ME?
X-Pac: Don't play innocent with us, Hunter—we know your ass! You were in there committing an…indecent act with that mannequin as you had it "pinned".
HHH: What?
HBK: Look, we didn't talk about this, but…we saw you dry-humping the mannequin, Hunter.
HHH: I WAS NOT!
X-Pac: Yes you were! It took 7 of those ladies and two security guards to pull you off the damn thing, man!
HHH (giving up): ALRIGHT, ALLLLRIGHT! You GOT me, ok? All that lingerie got me horny, and I wanted to go over this mannequin—hey, she was asking for it!
HBK: What the—ASKING for it? Are you SERIOUS?
HHH: Well look, the way she was just standing there, looking at me, dressed in just her panties—which, by the way, looked a LOT like wrestling tights—made me want to go over on her, and finally…uh…get OFF on her.
X-Pac: Look, I love chocolate chip cookies—it doesn't mean I'm going to fucking HUMP one in a bakery, dude!
HHH: Yeah, yeah—whatever. Hell, Sean, even that mannequin looked better than some of the dogs YOU tend to pull!
HBK: Guys, GUYS! Now's not the time—
Just then, something went whizzing by at a high speed and HBK had to slam on the brakes…
HBK: HOLY sh- What the hell?
Hunter and X-Pac pick themselves up off of the floor…
HHH: What the goddamn hell was THAT?
X-Pac: I don't know, but it seems to be headed back here—Look!
A flying broom with a kid in a bathrobe-looking thing can be seen approaching DX's stopped vehicle…
HBK: What in the name of all that's Holy—
HHH: Hmm…here he comes, let's see what he wants—
HBK: -Yeah, and why he cut us off like that!
We'll leave them to that, but for now, let's join in with the nWo, who are midway across the pacific ocean…
Hulk: …Jimmy crack corn and I don't caaaaaaaaaare—and I'm gonna' be heavyweight champ! Hahahaha!
Hall: Hey, hey—I got one, I got one! 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, you drink one down, your smile turns to a frown, chico, and you have 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beeeeeer—you guzzle one down, with a shot of some Crown, you get 97 obttles of beer on the waaaaaaall!
Nash: You two are a trip, I'm telling you.
Just then, a loud BOOM could be heard in back of the car. Hulk looks in the rear view mirror and his eyes widen as he sees one plane shoot down a helicopter.
Hogan: Brothers! Did you see THAT?
Nash: Yeah, I DID see that!
Hall: Chico, duck—he's coming this way!
The aircraft goes whizzing by at a high speed as Hogan's car ducks out of the way. (YES, the car DUCKED, ok?)
Hall: Damn, Chico!
The plane that whizzed by slams on its brakes in the distance and doubles back toward Hogan and the boys…
Hogan (taking off his sunglasses): He's coming back, dudes!
Nash: Yeah…but a LOT slower this time!
The plane approaches Hogan on the driver's side and the pilot rolls down his window…
(YES, it's a jet aircraft with MANUAL fucking windows, okay? Lol)
When the guys see the passenger they gasp and look at each other…
Nash (smiling, and totally fanboy-ing out): Oh my GOD—DAVID HAYTER!
David (smirking): Ah, a fan, I see. Just call me Snake.
Hogan: DUDES—it's Solid Snake from um, um, um…wait, where do I know you from, brother?
Nash: Hogan, are you serious? This is the LEGENDARY Solid Snake, here—he's world-renowned from the Metal Gear series!
Hall: Damn, mang—what brings you here?
Snake: Well, Colonel Campbell sent me on this mission to pick him up some eggs and milk, but I don't wanna' do that shit. I want a REAL mission—worthy of my namesake!
Hogan: Boys, nWo huddle!
The boys huddle up and talk things over and Hogan speaks up…
Hogan: Ok Snake, dude. Here's the deal—We're on this trip to England to get our boss some beer and porn. We were wondering if you'd care to join us, dude?
Nash: Yeah, it's a race, of sorts—the winner get's to head either SmackDown or RAW and head up the inaugural brand split.
Snake (stroking his chin): Hmm…sounds interesting! I NEVER miss RAW! SmackDown is…meh. But RAW is the shit, man!
Hogan: So, you with us? Cause if you're with us, you're with us 4-life!
Hall pulls a brand new nWo t-shirt from his trunks and hands it to Snake.
Snake puts it on, smiles and hops in Hogan's car. He locks his plane and, with the click of his key fob, he puts the alarm on it. (Oh, and for those wondering—Snake's aircraft is left stationary…in the sky…in the middle of the airway. You're welcome.)
Snake: Ok guys, I'm in! Let's roll! Oh yeah—here are some spare Codecs—put them in your ears, we'll use them to keep in communication. Hey, one thing, guys—
Nash: Yeah? What's that? You have an extra t-shirt?
Hall: Sure chico, but why, it's just you, isn't it?
Snake: No, he must've had his stealth camouflage on—hey Otacon, where you at?
Suddenly, Hall Emmerich appears and puts on his new t-shirt.
Hogan: What the—where did you come from, dude?
Otacon: It's simple, I use stealth camouflage to blend into the background of wherever I'm at. It REALLY comes in handy at the local YMCA—in the women's locker room!
He clicks his camouflage button and disappears again. The boys all look at Snake…
Snake: Well…he's a good friend. You should see his porn page—you'll see the YMCA like you NEVER seen it before!
Nash (nodding): Hmm…I'll have to get that address later, then.
Hall: Yeah, me too, chico!
Wow—it looks like SOLID SNAKE has joined the nWo! We'll now have a look at Los Guerreros and Trish who are about to land on the eastern coast of Japan…
Eddie: Ok, when we land—we GOTTA' get some food in us.
Trish: Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm fucking FAMISHED!
Chavo: Hey Uncle Eddie, when we land, I want to go get some sushi!
Eddie: Yeah, we can do all that, ese! And think, we ain't even got to PAY for it, homes!
Trish: Oh no—you guys aren't thinki9ng of…of dining and dashing, are you?
Eddie and Chavo look at each other and break out laughing.
Eddie: SIMON, ESE! If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying! Besides Trish, we have some plans for YOU, chica!
Trish: Why am I worried all of a sudden?
Chavo: Hey, hey now—it won't be so bad. Uncle Eddie's plans always work!
Eddie: Yeah, you'll see, mami! Oh, by the way—put this on!
Eddie hands Trish one of his t-shirts that reads "Cheat 2 Win".
Trish (fangirl-ing a little bit): Hahaha…I've kinda' always wanted one of these! Thanks!
Eddie: Haha…no problem! Wear it with PRIDE, ese!
Just then, Eddie spots Hogan and the boys coming onto the coast at about the same rate that THEY are…
Eddie: Shit, man! Look! It's Hogan's bald-headed ass! We gotta' beat him to the car rental company!
Chavo: Ok, Uncle Eddie—move reeeeeal close, I mean, within eyeshot!
Eddie slams on the gas and turns his hijacked plane directly toward Hogan's car…
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Hogan glances over…
Hogan: Hey, what the hell is he doing, man? He's headed straight for—wait, he stopped, brothers!
Nash: What the hell IS he doing?
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Meanwhile, in Eddie's plane…
Eddie: Okay Trish, we gotta' thrown them off-course, we need your, uh…talents, chica!
Trish blushes and shakes her head…
Trish (muttering): I don't BELIEVE I'm going to DO this…
Trish lifts up her t-shirt and presses her titties up against one of the windows of the plane. Hogan and crew see this and they immediately get off-course. Snake licks his lips, Otacon reappears flashing a devilish grin, Hall spits out his beer, Nash's tongue hung out of his mouth like it was a necktie, and Hogan's sunglasses broke and his eyes bounced and tumbled onto his dashboard like a pair of dice.
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Eddie (smiling): Hahaaa! Trish you DID it, mami!
Chavo: Yeah, I can see you're down with Los Guerreros!
Trish: Haha, I…I guess I am, huh? Hehehe…that WAS kinda' awesome! I mean, look at them; they're headed in, like, the wrong direction already, HA!
Eddie: Good job, Trish—ok, guys, here we go!
So, as Eddie now heads toward the coast of Japan full-blast, we must look in on the Hardys and Lita, who are descending upon the coast of one of the British Isles…
Jeff (pointing): Wow, I knew I saw DX earlier! And, from the looks of things, something on that flying broom up there got their attention, or something.
Matt: Well…good, That'll at least buy us some time, then.
Lita (pointing down): Hey, what's that weird-looking shop down there? It's, like stark black.
Jeff: Hmm…now that you mention it, what IS that, anyway?
Matt: I dunno, but, even from up here, it has sort of an ominous feel to it—I'm thinking that that drawing on the rooftop may have something to do with it?
Lita: Matt, you big dummy! That's a pentagram!
Jeff: Oh, dear holy Lord above! Who would have a building with a…a PENTAGRAM on it?
Lita: I dunno, might be some sort of satanic church or something, but I'm still curious. Matt sweetie, when we land, let's get something to eat and head over to that shop real quick—I GOTTA' see this!
Matt: Ok, we'll get something quick to eat, we'll briefly—and I do mean BRIEFLY—head over to that shop before we go to find this beer and porn the Mr. McMahon just MUST have.
Jeff looks in the rear-view mirror—which is really just Lita's compact—he sees DX gaining on them…
Jeff: Oh shit—we gotta' get cookin'! DX is not far back—hey, it looks like they have some…KID with them!
Matt: The hell? What's THAT about? Oh well, I'm sure we'll find out sooner or later.
Ok, I'll stop here tonight. Hope you enjoyed this this go-round, lol!
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Well, well…let's see…What other things can Hogan's car accomplish? Is it me, or does Scott Hall have a WalMart in his trunks—all these things he pulls out…geez. What sort of evil plans does Eddie have for Trish? DX, of all teams, decided to pick up a KID? And, who ELSE thinks that if they had "stealth technology", it'd come in handy?
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All these and other weird question to be answered next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!