Hey fuckers! Here we go again! We're gonna' get right into this and join up with The Hardys—and crew…
Matt: Look, I just don't understand why I couldn't have the damn wheel, Jeff!
Jeff: It's because you have road rage and you end up driving like a dickhead.
Matt: Who are YOU calling a dickhead? Dickhead!
Jeff: Ah shyaddup! You're hatin' on me because all my fans ain't fat!
Matt: Why you—(he jumps at Jeff, but Lita hold him back)
Lita: Enough you two!
Katherine: Yeah…Matt, you can be so immature!
Lita: Ummmm…why are YOU calling my boyfriend immature?
Katherine: Ummm…because he IS, perhaps.
Lita: Well at least I HAVE a man—you're nothing but a gothic…nobody!
Katherine: Well, you're a skank with smelly cooch!
Dora (interrupting): COOCH! COOCH! COOCH!...C'MON EVERYBODY—LET'S…SAY…COOCH!
…
Dora: C'MON SAY IT, SAY…COOCH! OH HEY—ISN'T THAT THE NAME OF THAT ONE BLACK INTERVIEWER GUY ON RAW?
Matt: Um…no, HIS name is COACH.
Dora: OH…WELL…OK…SAAAAY COOCH!
Jeff (smiling): COOCH!
Dora: YAAAY, YAAAY, HOORAAAAY FOR COOCH!
Katherine: Cooch, huh? And what do YOU know about…that word, little girl? If your mommy caught you saying naughty words like that, she'd spank you good!
Dora: NO SHE WOULDN'T, KATHY! WE'VE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THE BIRDS AAAAND THE BEES!
Katherine: Wait—you ALREADY had that talk?
Dora: AAAABSOLUTELY! HEY—KATHY! YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME, YOU KNOW?
Katherine: I seriously doubt that and you have no right to dictate to me how I'm going to feel about someone!
Dora: WOW! DICTATE…YOU SAID…DICTATE!
Katherine: Yeah, so?
Dora: I CAN USE IT IN A SENTENCE! MY MOMMY CALLED MY DADDY DUMB AND STUPID TODAY!
Matt: Well why? I mean, does this…make you happy? I don't understand—
Dora: MATTIE, WAIT! MY MOMMY CALLED MY DADDY DUMB AAAND STUPIIIID!
Lita: Ok, honey—well what'd your daddy say back?
Dora: HE SAID, "I MAY BE DUMB, AND I MAAAAY BE STUPID, BUT LAST NIGHT SHE SAID MY DICTATE GOOD!"
(Jeff and Lita are looking at each other and laughing a little, shaking their heads…)
Matt (smiling a bit): You know, you're a trip Dora.
So, we'll leave them be and join up with DX and Harry Potter….
X-Pac: Hunter, I'm telling you—there was no need to pin EVERYONE at that petrol station, dude.
HBK: Yeah, man—weren't you thinking about how much time we likely lost?
HHH: Guy, guys, guys…calm down! I'm the GAME, for fuck's sake, alright? We'll be ok!
Harry: Well, Mr. H, I certainly hope as such.
HHH: Kid, you've got nothing to fear—I have the power of GOD on MY side!
(HBK, X-Pac, and Harry all look at each other…)
HBK: Wha—are you SERIOUS? The power of…God?
HHH: Yes! For it is written—
X-Pac: I HAVE to hear THIS!
HHH: -That whomever is without sin, casteth the first stoneth! And I, the GAME, shall catcheth it and pinneth it!
HBK: Hunter?
HHH: Yes, my disciple?
HBK: Seek help.
(HHH just waves him off as HBK, X-Pac, and Harry just look at each other rolling their eyes.)
We'll leave them go for a spell and check in on Los Guerreros and the gang, who have decided to stop at a convenience store…
Eddie: Ok guys, here's the plan—Me and Chavito, we're gonna' distract the guy at the counter.
Chavo: Um…Ok, I can do that.
Eddie: Trish, I need you to go around back and cut the security camera cable.
Trish (smiling): I'm on it!
Eddie: Cool.
Shaggy: Gee, well what do you want me and Scoob to do?
Eddie: I want you two to stay in the car and keep it running.
Shaggy: Ok gotcha' But, could you get me some Oreos, some Chee-Tos, and a Snapple?
Eddie: Simon homes, of COURSE we will!
Shaggy: Ok, c'mon Scoob, let's get back in the van.
Scooby: RRRRIGHT RAGGY!
A/N-(It just hit me—I failed to tell you what kind of vehicle they picked up from the rental place after they parked their plane, lol. Well, it's a giant red bean…with spinners and fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror.)
Trish: Ok, so what do you want me to do after I cut the cable?
Eddie: Just come inside as if you were just a regular customer. Chavito will distract the dude at the counter and lure him out. That's when I want you to take this beer bottle and SMASH him over the back of his head!
Trish: Hmm…sounds like a good plan so far.
Eddie: Just watch, chica! I'm fucking BRILLIANT, homes!
Chavo: Ok, you ready, Trish? Ok, put this ski mask on—they prolly' have cameras outside, too.
(Trish puts on the ski mask and heads toward the rear of the building, looking around. Chavo and Eddie go inside and split up. Eddie goes back toward the freezers and Chavo pretends to be looking around a little with a puzzled look on his face. After a couple moments, he approaches the counter…)
Chavo: Excuse me, kind sir, but can you show me where the…uhh…bologna is?
Clerk (bowing): Oh, most certainly, you go over toward the-the soda and it should be over there.
(Eddie is looking at this while carefully stealing a bag of pork rinds. Just as he's doing this, Trish walks in the store. She heads over toward the newspapers and pretends to start reading.)
Chavo: No, I'm saying can you help me find it—as I couldn't find any back there.
Clerk: Well sir, I'll go help you look. Come, follow me.
(Chavo and the clerk make their way toward the back where the bologna is kept. Trish sees this and pulls the beer bottle from out of her t-shirt and tiptoes back to where they are.)
Eddie (mumbling to himself): Hahaaa…everything's going perfect! Time to act!
(Eddie hears a glass break from over a couple of aisles. Eddie peeks around the corner and sees the clerk laid out, face-down on the floor and Trish with a devilish grin on her face…)
Eddie: Damn, she did it! YO CHAVITO, LET'S GET IT GOIN' MAN! TRISH, CHAVO, GRAB EVERYTHING YOU CAN!
(Chavo and Trish are feverishly grabbing all sorts of things, chips, crackers, peanuts, beef jerky, sodas. Trish hit the feminine products aisle HARD—In a big armful, she has douche, condoms, pregnancy tests, chocolate, and pocky. Eddie has Chips, sodas—even though he can't understand the writing, he recognizes the pictures, lol. Chavo's taking all of the ice cream bars, more chips…and the money out of the register.)
Eddie: C'MON, LET'S MOVE BEFORE SOMEONE WALKS IN ON THIS SHIT, MAN!
(Trish, Eddie, and Chavo bolt out of the store and into the waiting van.)
Trish: Shaggy, c'mon and drive, drive, DRIIIVE!
Shaggy: ZOIKS! Better step on it!
(The…van quickly backs up and speeds out of the lot as Chavo slides the door shut.)
Eddie: See? I KNEW that shit would work, homes!
Trish: Wow, I just saved MYself a fortune—all these hygiene products, I won't have to go back to the store for a LONG time, baby! HAHAAAA!
Chavo: Hey Shaggy, I got your Chee-Tos, your Oreos, and your Snapple!
Shaggy: Ok groovy!
Scooby: REAH, ROOVY, ROOVY! A-HE-HE-HE-HE-HE-HEE!
(Chavo smiles and gives Scooby a Scooby snack.)
Chavo: There you go, boy!
(Scooby licks his lips wanting more…)
Shaggy: Here, Scoob, have some Chee-Tos!
Scooby: REETOS! REETOS! A-SCROOOOOBY DOOBY DOOOOOOOO!
And, with that, I'll stop it here.
So, is HHH going to gain any more "disciples"—let's hope not, I'd hate to turn on RAW and find everyone in the audience pinning one another—wait, I HAVE seen something like that, but everyone was naked. Hm…anyway, moving on—is it me, or could Trish have just lifted her shirt and made to counter clerk faint instead of breaking a bottle over his head? Just sayin'. And Why doesn't Harry Potter use a magic spell to help him and DX score an easy victory? Well, he told me—he said that he'd rather EARN his right to head up either RAW or SmackDown. Hey, you gotta' give the kid his props, eh? Finally for those wondering who "Katherine" is—it's LadyKatherine29's OC. Give her a warm welcome, people!
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Anyway, tune in next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!